jeff-the-gnome-king - Tumblr blog

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

Vampires today aren’t as bloodthirsty as they were centuries ago because the average modern human provides more nourishment than 5 sickly Victorian chimney sweepers combined. Woman who eats 3 square meals a day with dessert: are you okay? The vampire who bit her:

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

Mentally floating face down in a river

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

i don't smoke for the obvious reasons of not wanting to develop an addiction to nicotine but god do i so often feel the emotion 'i need a cigarette'.

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

Ok, so, as most know hobbits LOVE mushrooms, but what if they love ALL mushrooms, even the poisonous ones. What if a hobbit’s body is able to handle more of the poison and it doesn’t affect them at all. And they love it!

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

“Gnome-San is it true that Gnomes are great at arts and crafts?” The little human asked excitedly

"Well, some definitely are! We've got artisan gnomes who make that their whole job in the tribe, even! But not everyone is great at it, just like with humans. "

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

"fuck it we ball" is for stress about the future "it is what it is" is for stress about the past and "this too shall pass" is for stress about the present thank you for coming to my TED talk

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

2. "Can a cake be tried for treason?"

"A cake is food and not something that can commit a crime...?"

"So my guess is no...?"

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

pssssst hey. hey. free and expansive database of folk and fairy tales. you can thank me later

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

Its from that meme

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

B. Dylan Hollis' baking TikToks - sentence starters

1. "Thought this was a joke. Turns out I'm the joke."

2. "Can a cake be tried for treason?"

3. "Either chocolate fixes everything or this is alchemy!"

4. "This is why we don't perform lobotomies anymore."

5. "Did I mention this was a cake?"

6. "I'll bet this recipe is just all the wrong answers on a baking test."

7. "Smells like dentures!"

8. "Not bad, dead people."

9. "It tastes like crunchy diesel!"

10. "Welcome to the world. It's awful."

11. "I'm a fool, not an idiot."

12. "Lime jell-o. More like crime jell-o."

13. "It's like reading directions to Purgatory."

14. "I didn't know beef came in a jar."

15. "It tastes like it's insulting me."

16. "You know, it's horrible now, but I hope it turns out okay. Like children."

17. "Did you just kill my blender?"

18. "This is personal now. You swung first!"

19. "Smells like a Palm Springs retirement home."

20. "I can feel my teeth rotting!"

21. "This isn't food, ______, this is a bioweapon!"

22. "This is severe. It takes like an IHop kitchen floor."

23. "This is what I'd imagine a toilet brush to taste like!"

24. "You can't hide from me! I wish you could...."

25. "At least it's not moving."

26. "I suppose it's better than eating your offspring."

27. "Do I call the police or a priest?"

28. "I think I've summoned something."

29. "Smells deceased."

30. "I didn't know tuberculosis had a color scheme."

31. "Easy does it. Wouldn't want to ruin a disaster."

32. "It tastes like a boot! Like a size-10 boot!"

33. "It looks like a failed grave robbery."

34. "Smells like botchalism!"

35. "How does one know when a laxative is done cooking?"

36. "You know, it's not bad, it just vaguely tastes like a felony."

37. "Bake this for someone, but don't tell them 'til afterward."

38. "Remember, _____, the main ingredient in pie pastry is self-doubt."

39. "This recipe is making me cry, not the onions."

40. "That's not food. This is a war crime."

41. "Already smells like death."

42. "Are we sure this recipe wasn't written by a cat?"

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

starter call 2.0   feel free to combine prompts !

for  a  happy  starter .

for  a  melancholy  starter .

for  an  excited  starter .

for  an  angry  starter .

for  a  soft  starter .

for  a  silly  starter .

for  an  angsty  starter .

for  a  violent  starter .

for  a  romantic  starter .

for  a  sexual  starter .

for  a  comforting  starter .

for  a  threatening  starter .

for  an  argumentative  starter .

for  an  action / adventure  starter .

for  a  flirtatious  starter .

for  a  loving  starter .

for  a  hostile  starter .

for  an  envious  starter .

for  a  fearful  starter .

for  an  injured / sick  starter .

for  an  urgent  starter .

for  a  celebratory  starter .

for  a  reunion  starter .

for  a  lazy  starter .

for  a  protective  starter .

for  a  domestic  starter .

for  an  intimate  starter .

for  a  weather - based  starter .

for  a  surprised  starter .

for  a  malicious  starter .

for  an  illegal  starter .

for  a  concerned  starter .

for  a  tense  starter .

for  a  sentimental  starter .

for  a  hopeful  starter .

for  a  hopeless  starter .

for  a  guilty  starter .

for  an  embarrassed  starter .

for  an  anxious  starter .

for  a  desperate  starter .

for  a  disappointed  starter .

for  an  aggressive  starter .

for  a  cautious  starter .

for  an  impulsive  starter .

for  a  resentful  starter .

for  a  suspicious  starter .

for  a  conflicted  starter .

for  a  provoked  starter .

for  an  awkward  starter .

for  a  dishonest  starter .

for  a  fatigued  starter .

for  a  grateful  starter .

for  a  flustered  starter .

for  a  vulnerable  starter .

for  a  manipulative  starter .

for  a  professional  starter .

for  a  mischievous  starter .

for  a  relieved  starter .

for  a  cooperative  starter .

for  an  uncooperative  starter .

for  a  moody  starter .

for  an  impatient  starter .

for  a  competitive  starter .

for  an  encouraging  starter .

for  a  sensual  starter .

for  an  interrupted  starter .

for  a  clumsy  starter .

for  a  tearful  starter .

for  an  affectionate  starter .

for  a  cozy  starter .

[jeff-the-gnome-king]

via indiarosecrawford

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