jellyfishrambles

[jellyfishrambles]

Stop Complaining about Before the Storm

A little note about the Life is Strange series... A lot of people are criticizing Before the Storm for not being a good representation of events before the main game. Like Chloe's interactions with David not always following through. 'If she mends her relationship with David, why is she still an asshole to him in the main game?' Well...Did you CHOOSE to be an asshole to him in Before the Storm? If you did, congrats, you just granted yourself some semblance of continuity. 

Life is Strange as a standalone game gave the power of decision to you as a player. Though the ending choice was lackluster, and prior decisions had no effect on final choice of the game. However, they do change character interactions and certain scenes and I think that's still crucial to the overall feel of the game. That being said- there were no problems in making whatever choices you wanted. Because there was nothing to go off of. There were no wrong answers. 

With Before the Storm now here, as a prequel no less, the choices you make MAY not correlate with how the characters behave in later installments. So while there are inherently no 'wrong' answers, there are more...'accurate' answers. 

I'm using Chloe's attitude towards David as an example here because it is the most prominent, and is the point most frequently brought up with discussing this particular mechanic of the game. In Life is Strange, Chloe is adamant about David being an asshole, and not liking how he's stepped into the family so suddenly. So your dialogue options with and/or about David are therefore inherently negative, since this is what we know about their relationship. Take that to some of the dialogue options in Before the Storm- you often have a CHOICE of whether or not to be mean, or to be more understanding. Because as Chloe, you're still feeling your way around the situation. 

If YOU as the PLAYER chose nicer options, then it's YOU going against the canon, not the game. The game is not making these choices for you. How boring would this game be if you only had one direction to take in certain situations because it ‘defies canon’? Choice-based games like this are difficult to build sequels/prequels around because your playthrough is going to be unique to anyone elses, and developers can’t sculpt an entire game based around the choices YOU make. I personally played the game in a way that would reflect character changes to the following game. 

With all this being said- I’m aware DON’TNOD is working on a Life is Strange SEQUEL- so, I don’t want to see anybodies panties in a twist when the choices they made in Life is Strange are no longer ‘canon’ when the world and experience of the sequel is brought to the surface. 

[jellyfishrambles]

Everybody Lies

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve cried over a tv show on this blog. So lets do it. Lets talk about my favorite tv show. 

I’d like to apologize in advance if my thoughts are scattered. It’s the norm, at this point. 

Anyway. I was introduced to House M.D. when I was relatively young- I belive 9 or 10. Certainly too young to be watching such a show. I remember my dad saying I’d like the show. He called me downstairs one evening and we sat on the couch and watched an episode together. If my memory serves right- I believe the first episode I watched was Season 1 Episode 8, titled ‘Poison’ But this was- upwards of 10 years ago at this point, so don’t quote me on that. 

So, a bit of backstory- my parents are divorced, and I have a pretty broken relationship with my alcoholic father. I’d only see him every other weekend growing up, and I noticed his alcoholism on my own. For the longest time, I felt as though this show gave us common ground to talk, to- bond...to, have some kind of relationship. It was a talking point. My dad was the one who showed me House, we both liked it...And I’m pretty certain that I would have cut contact with my dad a long long time ago without it. As of now, in 2018, I have cut ties with my dad, and I’m no longer speaking to him. But that’s a long winded ramble for another day. We’re here to talk about House. 

For those unfamiliar, House M.D. was a medical drama that aired from 2004 to 2012. Your basic synopsis would be an egotistical savant doctor with a narcotic addiction solves unknown medical problems. It’s a basic premise that’s beautifully expanded upon, and it takes a lot of inspiration from Arthur Conan Doyle’s ‘Sherlock Holmes’ in it’s structure and character archetypes. Obviously, Greg House would represent Sherlock Holmes himself, what with his well known and highly sought out degree in infectious disease, and his own unique practice that was made just for him and his ‘case by case’ process. 

First of all, I’d like to applaud the writers for keeping House M.D. as medically accurate as possible. During it’s airing time, House was the most accurate medical drama on television, surpassing both ER and Grey’s Anatomy. There was a doctor sitting in on all writing sessions, looking over the script, telling the writers and producers what was medically possible, and what wasn’t.  Second of all- The production team and writers did a fantastic job keeping the show engaging and entertaining for 8 whole seasons. That’s hard to do. The key to a good episodic medical drama- or, any drama for that matter- is keeping the cases interesting, as well as the relations and conflicts of the main cast interesting. It’s a fine balance that House pulled off exceptionally well. 

The thing that really stands out about House, to me, though...is the characters...All of them. Even the one’s I can’t stand. They all serve a purpose, they’re all important, and- they’re all, so human. You see a lot of shows writing their characters as plastic models with one or two tropes that’s played out through the series. House took its characters- gave them bumps, bruises, flaws, gifts, and arcs that developed their characters over the course of the series. I truly value that in a show, because it makes them, and the situations they’re in, far more believable, and therefore more relatable.

The relationships in this show- romantic or otherwise- are written so well, I can’t even begin to describe how raw, and how real they feel. When actors can pull off an emotion so truthfully, and so compellingly, you have to admire it. Every kiss, every hug, every argument- is legit. And, I can’t even count how many times I’ve teared up over the phenomenal acting alone. It’s the kind of acting that gives you chills, you know? 

   I see a lot of myself in House. Both- Greg House the character, and House the show as a whole. No, I’m not a drug addict. But I don’t open up well, and I tend to do things for my own gain and not for that warm fuzzy feeling you get for doing something nice. However, I’m currently rewatching the series in order, and- I’m feeling more and more emotionally attached to Cameron. Cameron is who I would be if I had pursued medicine as a career. 

House M.D. is a show that has literally changed my life. It inspired me to find a passion in medicine- despite my lack of ambition and motivation to actually follow that passion. I still enjoy medical science and everything that comes with it. House, has taught me a lot about myself, and a lot around the world around me. It’s shaped a lot of who I am. And I’m definitely blaming it for my excessively raunchy sense of humor.   

It’s a show, that- makes me inexplicably happy to watch. I can be crying over a season finale, or a dramatic moment, but- there’s an overwhelming warmth and joy around me when I watch the show. It all sounds so moronic and unimportant all written out like this. I tend to put an unnecessarily high value on things like this. TV shows, video games, songs...If they’ve had an effect on me, they tend to stick. The history I have with House, it just- became a part of me. 

[jellyfishrambles]

The Holiday Season = Code Lyoko

Hello, yes, I know I rarely post here, but as it is now December, I figured now would be appropriate to talk about this. On my old blog I did make a long ass post about this, but it has since disappeared so fuck it- lets do it again.  I wanna talk about Code Lyoko. For those unfamiliar, Code Lyoko was a French animated kids(?) show, that aired from 2003 to 2007. I’m 20 fucking years old, I grew up with Code Lyoko. I grew up absolutely loving this show, and I still do to this day. When it comes to Code Lyoko, you have 3 normal responses. People either love it, hate it, or more often than not- don’t remember it. Well, I’m here to remind y’all about this gem of a show, okay? Lets go on a journey...

To put it simply, these 5 kids discover a virtual world, and they have to defend it, and Earth from an evil virus that wants to destroy them. It’s a pretty simple, but- at the time- very unique plot. Now this was technically a kids show, so they couldn’t delve too into lore and what have you, but it did have it’s darker moments and episodes that bordered on some intense anime-esque shit.

As I said before, it aired from 2003 to 2007 on Cartoon Network here in the United States, so that’s when I would watch it on TV. I was around 6 or 7 when I discovered it, and my idiot brain didn’t really process what was going on, all I knew was that I thought the show was super cool and really aesthetically appealing to me. 

On top of this, Code Lyoko means a lot to me personally- because I discovered years and years and years ago, that my cousin also loved Code Lyoko. I had it on the TV one day when we were spending some time with our family, and she said ‘No way, you like this show too?!’ And she was the first person I’d met who also enjoyed the show as much as I did, if not more. So from then on out, we would watch Code Lyoko together, play pretend, and act out episodes and we became Lyoko Warriors ourselves. It’s been a real bonding point for us, and we only see each other once a year in the summer. We’re both 20, and we still watch it together while on our yearly vacation. Granted, we only have time to watch a handful of episodes, so we pick out our favorites. 

I won’t go super into the plot and elements of the show, but I definitely want to praise it because it doesn’t get enough love and appreciation- Code Lyoko had elements that not a lot of kids shows have these days, or even at the time of its airing. It focused on the bond between friends, and how strong of a force loyalty and togetherness can be. Code Lyoko held relationships on a high pedestal. From platonic friendships, to sibling dynamics, it put in the spotlight what a lot of shows put on the back burner. And I have to praise it for that. In a world where romantic interaction is usually put before any other kind of relationship- it’s good to see different kinds of aspects of human interaction that don’t have to do with romance. The show also dealt with some pretty intense subjects, and life threatening events like- a power plant explosion, a head on train collision. Just- a whole bunch of shit a group of kids shouldn’t have to deal with. 

So while I can sing this show’s praises night and day, it is definitely not without its flaws. From animation hiccups, and strange voice over work- Code Lyoko is quite funny to watch these days. But honestly, I wouldn’t change Code Lyoko in the slightest. With all it’s flaws and rough edges, it is still the show that I grew up with and will love till the end of time. 

I’m sure you’re all like ‘Ellie what the fuck does any of this have to do with the holidays?’ Well here is where you’ll get that answer. EVERY year, during the holiday season, my cousin and I, even though we’re states apart, marathon the whole show together. All 94 episodes, from beginning to end. It’s sort of like- our holiday tradition, and it means a lot to me. I look forward to the winter season so much just for Code Lyoko. Throughout the month, we’ll take screenshots and video clips, and send them to each other. In a way it makes me feel closer to her. We have countless inside jokes from the little things we notice about the show. (Keeping in mind that we’ve watched the entire show through well over 10 times) I won’t start my marathon until the 11th, but I can easily binge the whole show in about a week- depending upon what I do other than sit on my ass. Code Lyoko has been a part of my life for the longest time, and I really care about and cherish all the memories I’ve made through watching it. I have plans to get a Code Lyoko inspired tattoo, once I have the money. I hold this show very close to my heart, and honestly, it’s one of those things that- I don’t think I’d be who I am today without it. 

Okay, sappy part is over. And I guess with that, I can kind of wrap this post up. I love Code Lyoko, I love my cousin, and I love the holiday season because of Code Lyoko.

[jellyfishrambles]

Introverts and Conventions

So, it isn’t often I jump onto this side blog, but when I do, y’all know it’s about to be a long post. I preface before all these entries that my thoughts tend to be scattered and all over the place, so I apologize in advance.  Conventions, narrowed down; Anime Conventions, Cosplay Conventions, Comic Cons, you know the variety. As a cosplayer, conventions have become a staple in my lifestyle, attending 2-4 conventions a year if my budget allows. I love them- they give me a chance to show off all the cosplays I’ve done, to get photos and see friends I rarely get to see- as well as meet new people! These new people, however, are few and far between, as I am both very very introverted, and deal with social anxiety on a regular basis. I keep to myself, I avoid socialization, and I don’t like meeting new people.  So you’re like ‘Ellie- if you are what you say you are, why do you enjoy conventions so much?’ Well, I guess a lot of it comes from a place of comfort. I began going to conventions with friends, and I continue to go to conventions with friends. Over the years I’ve grown comfortable in the environment- comfortable enough to get a little louder, and a little bolder with who I talk to. And I think the same can be said for a lot of introverted individuals like me who attend conventions. Despite my saying this, however, I still clearly have my limits. I rarely- if EVER ask others for pictures. And when I do, it’s only when already in the middle of a conversation, or in a crowd with others who have their cameras already out. And talking to artists and dealers to purchase something is a feat in itself.  I guess you could say that- we just attend cons a bit differently. I know myself as an introvert- I like to observe. I have no problem in sitting back, and watching the crows of people walk past. I have no problem in sitting and taking a break for a while- because I just enjoy the environment, not necessarily the interaction. Being around like-minded people is enough for me, to put it plainly. 

I have a friend who’s incredibly extroverted and outgoing and I can literally sit back and watch her talk and carry on with friends for hours and it amazes me. We’ve been friends for going on 6 years now- about how long I’ve been attending conventions and cosplaying as well- so it’s interesting to see how we so differently interact with other attendees. 

I bring all this up, simply because I attended a convention this past weekend, and I’m still currently in my ‘recharging’ mode. I haven’t really left my house, and I’m keeping to myself which is OK. As an introvert- I literally have to path out the week before, and the week after the convention. I absolutely HAVE to make sure I get enough sleep and go to bed early enough BEFORE the convention weekend, and that I have no social commitments AFTER the convention weekend because I know for a fact- I will overload my social ‘quota’ (as I like to call it) and stay up far later than my normal sleeping schedule will allow.  As an introvert- preparation is essential to attending conventions, but it’s different for everyone. This is just me- because my mental health teeters on my sleep cycle and diet, so if it’s thrown off, I need to be ready to have it back on track. And luckily- I’ve been pretty good this time around. ^^ I digress. I think it’s important to know that different kinds of people flock together for these events, because we all have one thing in common; We are all giant. Fucking. Losers. Who love video games, anime, or comics. It doesn’t matter if you can make a phone call, or if you can order something from Starbucks without rehearsing it 10 times beforehand. If you like to dress up as your favorite characters, and blow your money on expensive figures- you have a place within the con and cosplay community.  So this is my little shout out to the socially anxious introverts that brave outside their rooms to go have fun for a little while. Do what makes you comfortable and happy. 

[jellyfishrambles]

Emotional AF

I started up this side blog with the intention of spilling...positive emotions, or funny antic-dotes... But not today. I’ve sat on this for a full 2 weeks, and I’m still not sure what to think of the situation. Overall, I think I still blame myself. Regardless, let me start from the very beginning. I have a friend. Fuck, he was my BEST friend. (We’ll call him ‘PB’). We met years ago. I was a sophomore in high school. He was a pivotal part of who I became as a person today. I can wholeheartedly blame him for pulling my from my cringy middle school obnoxiousness, and grow into who I am now. PB was literally my other half- even though we didn’t even attend the same school. At the time, we acted a like, we looked alike, we thought alike. And we did pretty much everything together. We celebrated halloween together, we excluded ourselves on our birthdays- so we could celebrate with just each other. We complained about all the same unnecessary shit going on in our workplace. He was, the one individual, who could pull me out of my deepest depressions throughout high school, 100% willing to drive to my house an hour before curfew, just to be with me through whatever I was going through. PB was the one I could genuinely, without hesitation, call my best friend. We had history, and memories, and experiences together that I’ll cherish forever.  But. We stopped talking, recently. On my behalf. Because I’m an emotional wreck. Because as we graduated, and took separate paths, we both changed. Now, let me preface by saying PB and I were (and still are) relatively critical, cynical, and sarcastic individuals. But as he went off to college, and I stayed at home doing nothing. We went in different directions. MY anxiety has heightened, and become more and more severe, while- I’m sure he only became more cynical and critical and sarcastic. Things really started to go awry when he came home for Christmas break of his freshman year of college, just last December. I felt- off, around him. I felt uncomfortable. I couldn’t place it. It was just- different. It was probably my anxiety, it was probably me just- wanting to stay on his level. Because throughout our entire friendship, I always saw him as...superior to me. He was stronger, smarter, just- more mature than me (Even though I’m older by almost a year). I felt like everything I did would make him mad. I suddenly felt like I couldn’t be myself around him. 

I didn’t really think much of it, until examples of this behavior started to trend. Example 1- I’ve used essential oils and crystals to help with my anxiety and depression- and it’s really helped! Especially during my senior year of high school, when I was at my lowest point. I had a rose quartz bracelet that I would hold through anxiety attacks. I wore it with me everywhere. And I broke it while on vacation. When I texted him frantically looking for something to ground me, he brushed off my concern because ‘you know all that stuff is just a placebo, right? You don’t need them’. It was the first time I was legitimately upset at him. Example 2- While on a skype call with him, we were browsing the steam store together, I was looking at games that I want but can’t afford (aka, all of them). And I brought up my desire to play Dangan Rompa. He looked at the game, scoffed, and told me it would be a waste of money, and that I should just play another game with the same concept. I was, kind of hurt, that he didn’t really give a second thought about my interests- despite my attentive ears whenever he discusses something he enjoys. Example 3 (and most recent)- AFTER I texted him, telling him everything I was feeling- to the effect of ‘I feel like I make you mad every time I talk, I feel like all you seem to do is berate my interests and passions, etc etc’ AND he apologized, he said he knew he was being an ass, he said he didn’t expect me to forgive him. But I did. Because he was my friend. I was talking on the phone with him, and let out the mention of vocaloid, and how I’ve been listening to a lot of vocaloid music recently, and I’ve found an interest in it- he questions me as to why, and brushes off my comment about ‘because I enjoy it, don’t fucking judge me’ to which his reply was a VERBAL eye roll (You know the kind. You can hear it in their tone of voice) and an ‘okayyy’ That was the last straw. These 3 major examples are all coupled with his constant ‘the anime you watch is trash’ and ‘the music you listen to is garbage’ and just- little things like that, that just piled up and I had finally had enough. Now, he’s just left for college again, his sophomore year, and before he left he wanted to see me- and admittedly, I wanted to see him too. We were gonna go see a movie. But the day of, the idea of seeing him gave me so much anxiety, I felt nauseous. Like, I didn’t want to eat I was so nervous to see him. BUT I didn’t want to cancel, because I knew he would grow suspicious. However my mom saw the effect it was having on me, and she convinced me to tell him I wasn’t feeling good, and that we shouldn’t go see this movie. Spoiler alert- I was fucking right. As soon as I said I didn’t feel good, and wanted to stay home. He barraged me with ‘you’re actively avoiding me’ , ‘you always drop off at the last second’ and things of that effect. It made my stomach drop. **Another thing you should know about PB- he doesn’t really take to the idea of mental illness. He believes in it, but he believes that it can be fixed with meds and therapy without any remaining side-effects.** I told him that it wasn’t physical, that it was mental, and I knew it was something he wouldn’t understand. It HAD been a rough week for me- as I’m currently on a job hunt, and that alone stresses me out beyond function. He then told me that he knows its mental, and he still wants to see me, regardless of my state, and that I need to get out of the house. He wanted to talk to me, and he was begging me to see him. Because he wanted to help. I said I wanted to be left alone. I do better if I’m alone anyway. I like being physically alone, with means of communication through text. Sometimes. Being around people exhaust me. ALL my friends know this... Now, I should mention, that my big brother (not- actual big brother, just- really good ass friend who I call my big brother) had come over upon my request, cause he was kind of in the loop of what was happening. I told PB that I wasn’t alone, and that I would be fine. I was so distraught that my brother took my phone and texted PB for me. Saying that my mom didn’t think he should come over today, but he was welcome any other day before he left. Granted, I had a packed schedule with other friends, who happened to SHARE my interests. SO I said I would see him Thursday, when I knew for sure we would in fact see each other. I thought it was over. I thought it was done and I could wipe my hands of the whole thing, until he drops on me ‘Am I ever going to see you after that?’ What? What the fuck does that even mean? I asked him when he was leaving and he didn’t even answer my question- he asked if I was EVER going to see him again. My throat went dry and I felt tears start to well up again. I up and told him that we would see each other again, but for the love of god please stop pressuring me to see you- it’s making all this 10x worse. WELL...He got pretty upset at that, and then spilled to me that he could no longer trust me, because I canceled on him too often. He prefaced with ‘I do love you-’ he said ‘but when was the last time you made an effort to see me’ , ‘you barely give me any consideration, do you do this with all your friends?’ and just- a bunch of stuff that I KNEW I was doing, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that- HE was the reason I was doing it. He claims he knows I deal with a lot of personal stuff, and he’s not trying to insult me. Which. I...appreciate. He DID claim in his texts that he was mad at me for all of this, which- I also understand. Hell, I’d be mad at me too.  I had to take a day to process that last message from him. Eventually, I responded. I won’t bore you with my entire message here, but it was to the effect of ‘I’m sorry you’re mad, I’m sorry I’ve done all this to you, but you give me anxiety, and stress.’ I said I knew it was because of my OWN insecurities, and that he had nothing to do with it. I said I was legitimately scared of him, because I felt like I had to top toe around all my words to avoid making him mad. I FAULTED MYSELF. I knew it was me, I knew it was my anxiety. I said what was on my mind and how I felt. His reply was 2 days later. And it hit me hard. And I’m sitting here re-reading it (To relay all of this as accurately as possible) and I’m crying over my laptop right now.  His message back to me was something along the lines of ‘I have supported you 100% up until now because I care for you. I don’t know how you expect me to move on if I ‘legitimately scare’ you. And I don’t know how to continue and work around this unless you get your life together. When that point comes, I’m still here, but I can’t do anything for you if you don’t want my help, or my presence’  Unless I get my life together....I don’t even know what that means, but it hurts. It hurts SO much. So, now I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if this friendship that was SO important to me, is worth salvaging....or if it’s better left behind as I grow older and make new friends. I’m so torn, because I fucking loved PB. I loved my best friend. But best friends shouldn’t give you fucking anxiety attacks. I owe so much to him, because he’s done so much for me....I feel like shitty friend, for even feeling all this.  I can’t even wrap my emotions around all of this, and it’s killing me. His last message was pretty much a week and a half ago at this point, and it STILL gets to me. I still see memories on Facebook, and instagram, and I choke up every fucking time I see it. He meant the WORLD to me. And I hate myself for both putting us both through this, and for still wanting to salvage what turned into a pretty toxic friendship...

[jellyfishrambles]

What the Last of Us Means to me

What a better way to break in my new laptop than with a long ass sappy post about my favorite video game. Forgive me, this one may get a little scrambled and hard to follow. 

The Last of Us. A game that came out 4 years ago. A game that was praised and loved by so many, myself included. It’s funny. I was never a major ‘gamer’. I never fell into that label. The only consoles I ever owned were the Nintendo Gamecube, and Wii. But there was something about The Last of Us that- drew me to it. The genera, the animation, the art and the characters are all fantastic and I knew I had to play it. But I didn’t have a PS3...

Playing it for the first time was rocky. I could only play a little at a time, over at a friends house. But I vividly remember learning the mechanics, and feeling the controller, getting so invested in these characters. Beating the game- Finishing that game for the first time...I was crying so hard, my friend had to pry the controller out of my hands. The credits were rolling and I was sobbing. From that moment on, The Last of Us was my favorite game. 

I was a sophomore in high school, when the game came out. Really it was the summer between my freshman and sophomore year, but I digress. I was going through a lot at the time. It was when I met my now- 4 years later- best friend in the entire world. It was when I started cosplaying. It was when I started going by Ellie, because of this game. The Last of Us affected me in such a pivotal way, I honestly can’t imagine my life without it. Ellie, as a character, means so fucking much to me, in a way that I can’t even describe. I’ve never felt myself within a character so much before, and I don’t really think I’ll ever feel that within another character again. Honestly the only other character I could say I feel this deep of a connection with would be Ciel Phantomhive (Black Butler)- but that’s a post for another day.... Anyway, when I played the Last of Us for the first time- I was just about Ellie’s age (I was 15, Ellie was 14) in the game. I immediately connected with her, as a person. Hell, I thought we even looked similar. I took on the alias as Ellie, and fast forwarding to today more people call me Ellie than my actual name. It felt so fitting. The Last of Us was part of a time of change in my life, and it has remained strong throughout. 

The Left Behind DLC is an experience I vividly remember. Again, I played it at a friend’s house because I didn’t have a Play Station. I remember him going to download the game, and having it take forever to download, and ultimately failing, then going to download it again, and having the download finish AS SOON as my mom came to pick me up. I remember falling into tears- with this big overdramatic display which- at the time- didn’t seem all that over dramatic. I wanted to play it in one sitting, I didn’t want just a taste, only to have it taken away. Beyond that, I did end up playing it fully, and enjoying it fully. It added depth to a character I already loved, and explored more of the world and history of the infection. 

I now have a PS4, The Last of Us Remastered, and the DLC Left Behind. My playthrough count of the main game is up to 6, and the DLC is now at 3. I can quote cutscenes, and even optional dialogue. I’ve devoted so much time to this game, it’s kind of insane. 

When Naughty Dog announced The Last of Us II....I was, hesitant, at first. I loved the story and the open ending of the first game, I wasn’t sure what direction they would take with a second installment. I was skeptical. And then I watched the teaser trailer. Again, I was brought to tears, seeing the gorgeous animation, the new character design for Ellie aged up to 19, and hearing that one, short exchange between Ellie and Joel was enough to have me speechless. I became so excited, and so beyond ready for this game that I’ve craved more ever since. So from what I know now, the release will probably be summer of 2018- I will have just turned 20. I had a revelation that, the second game parallels yet another huge time of change in my life. When the announcement hit, I had just turned 19- Ellie’s confirmed age for the second game. I had just graduated high school, and was figuring out what the hell to do with my life- and honestly I’m still figuring it out. And somehow...I have a feeling that The Last of Us will be a huge part of this chapter of my life. 

I’m currently working on a grounded mode playthrough of the main game- struggling with it, I should say. The long and short of it, I...really fucking like The Last of Us. 

[jellyfishrambles]

The Evil Within

When the game first came out, my initial excitement came from the fact that it was a horror game and I’m all about a good horror game. Playing it for not even 10 minutes, you could tell that there’s very heavy influence from both the Silent Hill and Resident Evil franchises. Both of those series’ have redeeming factors, and a large following for good reason. I had really high hopes for this game. Like- reallllly high hopes for this game. But before I get too far into the bad of this game, I do want to touch on what Bethesda did really well with it.

·         Enemy design. Holy shit the enemy design. Some of the coolest zombie/monster designs I’ve seen in a long while, with what I can only describe as a very ‘Purge-esque’ aesthetic. Porcelain masks with cracks and holes and eerie smiles. As well as a twist on the classic zombie design; barbed wire and shards of glass wrapped around and protruding from the skin. Similar could be said about the boss designs, however they’re not nearly as creative in my own opinion. The Keeper is the most memorable, but it’s very clear that The Keeper is a reshaped ‘Pyramid Head’ from Silent Hill.

·         The Concept. All in all, I think the idea of exploring the darkest crevices of ones psyche is amazing. I feel like this game had a lot of good concepts and went in a decent direction, until it would take a random left turn and all structure was lost. 

·         The Setting. I adored the visual appeal of this game. Mental wards, spooky run-down villages, haunted and abandoned mansions. I was in horror game heaven with how lovely the atmosphere was. 

Ok, so, your basic synopsis of the game (Or, my synopsis of the game; i.e. what a stupid person can gather), is a detective, Mr. Sebastian Castellanos, is investigating…something or other…and ends up in the mental ward type psyche of a young man named Ruvik, who flew off the mental rail and went on to perform inhumane and immoral experiments on patients to research the brain. At least that’s, what I gathered from playing this game. Oh also his sister or something like- died in a fire, I’m not really sure. So Sebastian ends up in this weird limbo between the real world and this poor messed up kid’s mind.

So there’s your basic outline. Throughout the game there are admittedly great atmospheres and visual settings. I have a thing for macabre and dark aesthetics. So mental wards, and creepy sewers are right up my twisted alley. However, they get stale rather quickly. I got so bored of exploring and wandering through the same area for what seemed like forever. But honestly, that’s the least of my issues with this game.

The first big ol’ red flag I got was the difficulty curve. It was monstrous! And- if you’re not sure what I mean by difficulty curve in this context; I basically mean that- some parts are insanely difficult, while some are toddler-level easy to figure out. I started my first playthrough of The Evil Within in December of 2014- just a few months after the game’s release. I was havin’ a grand time, playing my game and enjoying myself. And because I’m not a filthy casual- I set the difficulty to ‘survivor’ (Or rather- this game’s version of ‘normal’). It was fine, that’s where I usually play games at. The standard difficulty. And them chapter 3 happened.

Your basic rundown of chapter 3 is- you’re in this zombie village, and you need to get through this hoard of monsters to reach the gate on the other side. There’s houses to explore for ammo, and items, and the all-important crossbow. To finish off the chapter- your boss battle is with the Sadist (I always just referred to him as ‘Chainsaw Guy’). Now- Playing this particular chapter on a STANDARD difficulty, was enough to make me drop the game for years. Literally. Years. I don’t think I picked it back up to start it again until January or February of THIS year (2017 for reference). And- because I didn’t want to deal with that shit again, I swallowed my pride and played on ‘Casual’ (aka, the pussy easy mode). And from there- it was a fucking piece of cake. Finally getting past dreaded chapter 3, it was smooth sailing from there on out pretty much. I did get stuck on chapter 9, because Ruvik’s an asshole and I got frustrated with his random spawning. But that was more /my/ lack of ability to play the game.

My next ‘drop-the-controller-and-give-up’ moment was at the end of chapter 10- with spider lady Laura chasing me through the fire. I’m pretty sure I was stuck on this part for months (And between you and me- I didn’t even beat it. I threw the controller at my friend and he did it for me). So, that was the next stump of difficulty. Chapters 11-15 were beyond easy, and the ending wasn’t rewarding in the slightest- but we’ll get into that later.

This- is when things start to go downhill. Now as I mentioned before- I greatly enjoyed the beginning of this game. The first few chapters set up a great platform to build this into a fantastic game. But it’s like…they gave up. Literally. Gave up like 3 quarters into the game. Textures were slow loading, dubbing was off, and they rushed the last few chapters so much it was like I blinked and it was over. For Christ sake the last ‘boss fight’ was one head shot that was scoped for you. I remember vividly waiting a good two and a half minutes of loading time into an end-chapter cutscene, only to have the textures still loading- while the cutscene was rolling! My friend and I were dumbfounded. And maybe it would run better on PC. As, I played it on the PS4. So while I’m counting it as a game flaw, I can’t 100% blame it on the game, because I’m not sure if it’s the game’s problem in the first place.

My second biggest issue is definitely the plot. Or lack thereof. My synopsis given above was LITERALLY what I took from this game. And maybe I’m just an idiot- feel free to let me know if I am. But I felt like there were SO many loose ends, and gaps that were never closed. It got to the point where I had no idea which realm I was in at any given moment- and perhaps that was the point? But it was executed rather poorly in my opinion. And at the end of the day- that’s all this little ‘review’ is; my opinion.

And- tied into the plot- there were a lot of characters that just- seemed to be there. I know they all served a vague purpose, but all in all I felt like they could have done something a lot better with all these characters. Kidman was about as bland as you could get- I don’t even remember her first name.  (I just googled it- her name is Juli…) Anyway, I know she had the whole betrayal thing going for her, but it was revealed so late in the game, I had lost interest in her and her character because her appearances were so sporadic throughout the game. Similar could be said about Joseph- even though he had a stronger presence than Kidman did. And admittedly I do have a soft spot for Joseph for whatever reason, but that doesn’t stop how….’there’ his character is. Systematically, what was Joseph there for? I understand he’s supposed to symbolize Sebastian’s consciousness, and all that cool metaphorical jazz. But what was his literal purpose? Other than to be a companion AI. And then there’s Ruvik, Leslie, and the doctor guy. These ‘antagonists’ were….ehhh. Motivations were hazy and because I’m an idiot I didn’t quite grasp their reason behind doing whatever it was they were doing. What was their goal? What were they aiming for? Hell if I know.

Perhaps, the game was going for ‘vague and mysterious’ and ‘open ended’. But it was left very poorly open ended. Like someone ripped a hole in a plastic trash bag. It wasn’t clean, or put together. And with the announcement of the second installment of this series, I felt I should spill my thoughts and opinions on the game.

Will I play the second game? I hope not. I may watch a playthrough, but I can’t imagine dedicating more time to The Evil Within. It was a hot mess, to be quite frank. But the visuals and atmosphere alone is what will probably have me coming back to this game. Not to play, but just to look at.

[jellyfishrambles]

Introduction

I can’t really promise to post a lot here- But if there’s something on my mind, and it’s something I have a lot to say about it, I’ll probably ramble about it here. My thoughts tend to be scattered and unorganized, even when writing them all out so I apologize in advanced. I love spilling all my words out onto a page in one way or another. I’m often really informal with my writing so if anyone’s expecting nice formulated reviews and thoughts you may have come to the wrong blog. However- I can pull myself together long enough to put something serious together, so you can maybe expect to see something along the lines of video game reviews, or just snippets of such. Beyond that, I’ll probably just post about how much I love/loath a certain thing within my interest circle.. So like...welcome.