jess-areyou-ok - Tumblr blog

[jess-areyou-ok]

how much more could a soul be punished,

than by being locked into a life that its not meant for?

[jess-areyou-ok]

and when my eyes pull open,

to reveal a world made of grey,

and the tears streak my cheeks.

"it's just a dream."

i say as i fall more in love with a place i am not in.

[jess-areyou-ok]

ask me to wake up in this place of awareness.

and always, i try.

but it seems as soon as i become aware of it,

it slips through my gentle grasp and back into the ether.

where it floats until i can come back to it the next night.

and occasionally i remember.

i hold on like hell. until my fingers cramp and my skin blanches.

and that's when i realize,

something isn't right.

i morn the loss of a hypothetical world.

[jess-areyou-ok]

truth be told,

each night our souls drift closer to each other.

seeking the truth,

unmuddied by mortal hands.

and i know I've seen you there.

[jess-areyou-ok]

i swear i can see you in the shadows. sometimes it startles me. sometimes it makes me smile. i can't tell if it's real, or if i just want it to be.

[jess-areyou-ok]

the smell of burning tobacco rolls though this cloudy night. the smoke coils around me like ribbons. dancing with the wind. and she whispers to me. telling me your secrets.

[jess-areyou-ok]

addicted. we all are. to something. you are my vice. you bring such a delicious type of pain.

[jess-areyou-ok]

do you not see? how could this be real? it is built as one big distraction. and it does feel good. i'd love to fall into the mind numbing vat of over indulgence. but i cannot. my soul will not allow it. it is me that must drag my hands through the cloth. tearing it from it's railing. revealing the producers behind.

[jess-areyou-ok]

i don't get to crave something,

so far out of my reach that i can't even imagine it's brush against my fingertips.

it's not fair to myself.

i won't go into the self deprecating thoughts tonight.

i'll leave them off to the side.

but the reality that these fantasies are just that cannot leave my mind.

there is no reason for this dense ache in my soul.

no reason for this longing for a circumstance beyond my control.

how can i miss something that's never existed.

[jess-areyou-ok]

i am exhausted,

though i can't sleep yet.

if i stop moving i'll collapse,

and fall right back into that vulnerable place.

where you can get to me.

[jess-areyou-ok]

yell.

from the top of your lungs.

let it echo to eden.

vibrate through the walls of olympus.

give them your distain.

the gods know they deserve it.

[jess-areyou-ok]

you come to me in my dreams,

ask me my name.

beg me to show you,

who i am.

what i am capable of.

but if i do...

i'll scare you again.

and you'll do what you always do.

you'll tear my heart out,

spread me across the world.

force me to spend my eternity,

searching for my missing pieces.

[jess-areyou-ok]

you've torn me in half.

and sentenced me to an existence

of searching.

and yet again,

you've underestimated my strength.

my will.

you've awakened my love

of the hunt.

and now, once i'm whole again.

i'll set my sights on you.

[jess-areyou-ok]

it startles her when i see her as a shining light, she claims she is dark. tells me about the horrible things in her head. and i smile. a sticky sanguine smile. her darkness looks like light from where i stand.

[jess-areyou-ok]

i am belladonna. i am poison. all it takes is one sip. and i'll release you from this world. i'd burry you with coins on your eyes, and my heart in your hands. in hopes that you carry me to the underworld, so i may feel at home again.

[jess-areyou-ok]

cut me open. release me from this cage of flesh, the limitations of a mortal body oh, how i long for the strength. so i'll file these dull teeth to points to tear through this veil draped over this world.

[jess-areyou-ok]

i want tear into this life with my bare hands. bleed it out in front of me, before i consume everything inside.