jhaymesisvip

[jhaymesisvip]

Unmotivated.

Uninspired with life and its contents what should we do as individuals to gather our thoughts and move forward? How do we understand why life constantly throws things at you that you don’t want or need?  Do we need to train ourselves to accept that there will be times when you feel this way? Do we need to just throw it in the back of our minds and say “I’ll deal with it later” or do we somehow put our emotions and egos aside and become immune to all feelings of sadness and pain. Then would we infinitely be able to stay happy?  I don’t know the answer but I’m sure there are people who will say they do and I’ll just have to work on this journey figuring it out because there are times when I do feel like giving up and taking the easy way out but that's not what I’ve accepted. But I sure do hope there will be things that will for once go the way they should. A person can only take so much before they too will give in. 

[jhaymesisvip]

I wish I could say that even if they’re no longer part of it, you’re still part of it and you have the choice to make it better than what it was. 

RIP my friend.

Walking away from something you still to love is hard. If you don’t, then the thought of you still together is just a lie. A big fat lie, that you wish so badly with all your might, was actually the truth. Everything will be in the past tense, there’s no more talking about random things, no more talking about what the future holds for us; because before you know it, the future has already appeared- and they are no longer part of it.

[jhaymesisvip]

Bridging the past with the present

It’s been a while since I’ve come on here and oh man did the tumblr world move and left many behind. This made me begin to ponder about all those inspirational people from back when tumblr was a place of inspirational writing and imagery. circa 2009. 

I looked around a few of these old pages and began to notice a trend that they either last posted in 2014 or completely stopped posting before that. 

It made me wonder, did these people ever fight their demons and move on to live a happy life or did they fall into despair, leaving the world with a void of their creativity and illustrious sense of writing which touched every soul that laid eyes upon the post word for word. 

My curiosity kicked in and I began to dig further for answers because who knows maybe some of these bloggers really did leave this world behind and gave up on themselves. Naturally as humans we always fear the worst before accepting there are the best scenarios. I’ve come to accept and live life with a sense of equality when it comes to these things, I try to always balance the negatives with positives before making judgement or conclusion and that has always worked out to be the right thing to do. 

One of my favorite bloggers completely stopped blogging for many years now but I never really thought of it like this until today. What made me think deeper into this thought you might ask? Well I just read a lot of her old posts and began to feel a connection and a sense that maybe she was looking for a place to belong in this world but at the same time she gave a sense that she was a peace with it all.  In the end after a few minutes of searching the web, I did find the blogger and it was great to see that they were thriving and enjoying life to their fullest potential leaving all their sadness and pain behind and becoming someone truly inspirational just like their writings.

Sometimes we must leave the past behind to find a future that is truly accepting of ourselves and that is what that person had done. I truly admire and appreciate them for all their inspirational writings and thoughts.

[jhaymesisvip]

Do you still remember?

The good moments that now have been replaced by new ones. I’m afraid. Everything I love makes me cry.  All that I live for makes me die. As i move on, fear increases. I look back at you and all i feel is pain. Time is the only thing that will move on, despite holding on to it right? I use to have dreams of my own, i guess it’ll be hard to fall asleep tonight. 

[jhaymesisvip]

oh because sometimes you don't wanna get hurt anymore. You dont wanna wakeup all night thinking about something and someone but i dont think they really wanna care about you, so how can you love someone that hurt you so much again and again with their false conceptions and beliefs of what you are to them, because i do feel like i am nothing to someone i love, and that hurts more than anything i've ever done. I know what you're are thinking, and i am sorry that i've made so many people sad

[jhaymesisvip]

I’m done.

I’m going. I’m moving forward. I’m working on that goal that i had for myself. I spent those years working on you, making you a better person. Building you up from nothing for you to just find another. For you to just throw me away like i was nothing. For you to tell me that I wasn’t enough. 

When you forget to love yourself because you spend all that time and effort bettering a person that was left and broken in their life. When they had nothing and nobody to rely on. When all they had was you and your supportive words. It only leads to a painful end, because like a child learning to walk, they eventually run off not even once looking back, until they realize what it is that they’ve lost. When they do realize this, the pain creeps up and tells them it was a wrong move. 

I’ll never look back again, because knowing going back will only hurt me and destroy me even more. The way you did everything, was selfish. The way you left me, to the way you never said a thing to me the whole way. Left me in the dark and expected me to fend for myself. All the nights, all the time that passed, i was so blinded, i just kept holding on to something that no longer existed. I kept fantasizing over a fake alternate reality that was no longer even possible. The heart inside of me wanted it that bad, these walls became holograms and reflections of what it wanted, not even defending itself from hurt and pain. Not once did it even become a barrier from your lies. 

Hiding the truth from me did nothing but hurt me even more. It destroyed everything, the integrity of our relationship. You continually hid the truth, continually led me on to a dead end. I am devastated by the actions you’ve portrayed as a person i dearly loved, using every inch of my soul against me to put me down and turn me against everything that was thrown at me to make me realize what was happening.

Despite everything, my own issues and problems that may have affected my own mind and well being, I held on to everything, believing i’d be okay that one day i’ll break free from this shell and show you what i was capable of. But its too late now, I've chosen to move on. I will no longer hurt, I will no longer feel the pain. I will be here making myself better not for you. Not for anyone. It’s just that the saddest part is, I’ll still take you in with open arms if you ever decide to come back. But only time can heal and change that part in me. 

[jhaymesisvip]

[jhaymesisvip]

Releasing thoughts #1

In the end we measure our love not by the days we were together or the amount of times we argued, but the amount of memories in which we had whether it be positive or negative, those memories are not going to go away any time soon.  Memories hurt but also put that smile on your face. When I’m driving down the road looking into the distance i can see the reflections of many memories bad and good, although most will make you smile at random times, its the sad and hurtful ones that get you when you’re most vulnerable.  I guess if i ever had a choice i’d forget the past memories and make new memories that wouldn't be so painful to look at when they cross your mind. 

[jhaymesisvip]

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