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jimdkhhopper · 5 years

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a million miles away

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* okay this is my first ever tumblr post and i was v v nervous about it but anyway, here’s some sad girl shit and sad fluffy boyfriend joe. feedback is appreciated my loves ! ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Time present and time past, are both perhaps present in time future. And time future contained in time past. If all time is eternally present, all time is unredeemable, what might have been is an abstraction remaining a perpetual possibility only in a world of speculation and entertainment, expectations and materialistic foregrounding to time present. The time I spent away from her started to deteriorate my strength. Sometimes, being away from her caused me physical pain, like a knife plunging into my ribs and the sharp twist of loneliness taking effect, winding me and knocking me over, breathless. But of course, I would always return to her, no matter how far away I was or how long I was away for, I’d always run back to her warm comforting arms. Times when I would quietly slip the key into the door, unlock our Brooklyn apartment and find her waiting for me, either cooking our dinner and dancing to music or lounging on the couch reading. Those were the moments that I relished in and treasured. I loved my job, loved travelling the world and exploring new places and cultures, I loved it all, but I loved coming back to her even more. I loved the way she wrapped her arms around my neck and stood up on her tip toes when we kissed, I loved the smell of her hair and the childish dimples she had whenever she smiled and the joyful glint in her eyes that showed when she threw her head back, laughing at a stupid joke of mine, that probably wasn’t even that funny.

“You alright mate?” Gwilym clasped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed a little.

I nodded and smiled at him for a brief second. Despite me smiling at him, Gwilym knew something was up, I had been distracted all day, even forgetting some of my lines during filming.

“You sure?” He asked again, his eyes widening in concern and eyebrows raising up his forehead.

“I’ll be fine, I just need sleep,” I said crushing my palms into my eye sockets and rubbing.

I was the only one missing the better half of me. Gwilym was still in his home city, Rami and Lucy were together and Ben was enjoying the single life and indulging in the chaotic and exciting atmosphere of the movie set. I wished I could enjoy the experience more, I tried hard to erase the thoughts of her, the sound of her laugh, the way she caressed the back of my hand and the way she bit her lip when I saw her at her most vulnerable. Not having her physical being with me was proving to be harder than I originally thought. Seeing Rami and Lucy tease each other on set and watching them throw their arms around each other and leave hand in hand every night made a lump form in my throat that I couldn’t get rid of. Every night I would lay in the hotel bed, crisp white sheets pulled up to my chest and my head on the extremely comfortable pillow, and her voice, the most beautiful sound of all would flow through my phone. Talking on the phone and video chatting wasn’t the same as having her with me pressed against my chest, her breath gently fanning my chest as she performed the natural inhale, exhale. Talking on the phone and video chatting would have to suffice.

“You coming tonight?” Ben asked as we left the elevator and emerged out into the corridor.

The cast and crew were going out for drinks later that evening as a birthday celebration for Rami. I wanted to go and socialise and have a few alcoholic drinks, that would numb the homesickness that was bubbling in my stomach and had been ever since I left her in bed four weeks ago. However, I wanted to talk to her more.

“Can’t, sorry Ben,” I said giving him another smile I had given Gwilym in the elevator. We walked down the corridor in silence, my scuffing my shoes against the dark red carpet, when I got to my room, I pulled my key card from my back pocket and nodded at the two behind me. “See you tomorrow.”

“Is he okay?” I heard Ben ask Gwilym as they walked past my door.

“He’ll be okay, he just needs space. He’s missing Y/N I think and Brooklyn.” Gwilym said in a delicate tone.

“Oh,” Ben said under his breath.

I chewed at the inside of my cheek as I plugged my phone in and watched the battery icon change from white to green. Immediately I unlocked the device and sent her a message.

Call in half an hour? Gonna have a shower first x

A chime on my phone a few minutes later and a new text notification had me soaring up on cloud nine when you replied.

Sure Joey, missing you today x

I let out a long sigh and again shoved my palms into my eyes, but this time it was to keep tears leaking from my tear ducts and not because I was exhausted. My head was spinning and limbs shaking as I pulled back the shower screen and turned on the hot water before immersing myself under the flow. I scrubbed my hair so vigorously it was like I was trying to eradicate all thoughts of home, my family and her from my brain. It was strange and unfamiliar to me to feel this homesick and attached to Brooklyn and my comfort for her, I usually was fine when I travelled and filmed for movies and TV shows. A few years ago, I had directed, written and starred in my own movie which took a lot of work and I was away for months filming and working on the movie, yet I didn’t feel anything like this. Shaking the water from my ginger brown hair and roughly dragging the hotel towel over my head I pulled on a pair of pyjama pants and grabbed my phone.

Almost as if she knew, halfway across the world from me, the phone began to ring a picture of her sat on the couch filling the screen.

“Hey,” I said clearing my throat.

“Oh, Joey.” She said softly into the phone. “I know what that cough means, are you okay?”

“I-I’m fine,” I said lying nodding my head trying to convince myself I was okay, after all, she couldn’t see me nodding my head.

“No, you’re not fine, your voice is doing that shaky thing and I can tell you’ve been crying and had a bad day.” She said.

“What, h-how did you know?” I asked biting my lip. She saw right through me.

“Lucy.” She said. “She’s worried about you, she said you were quiet today and couldn’t remember some of your lines, that’s so unlike you Joey.”

I just hummed in agreement, afraid that if I opened my mouth and started to explain I wouldn’t be able to stop and all the sadness, melancholy and tears from dominating the phone call.

“When she told me you were being a bit quiet I almost didn’t believe her, you’re always so happy and you were looking forward to this one. John Richard Deacon, you even made me refer to you as ‘Disco Deaky’ for two weeks.” She said laughing softly.

“I know,” I said my voice cracking. “I just really…” I had to stop for a moment and recollect myself. “I just really really miss you Y/N.”

“I know, I miss you too baby. But I’m so proud of you, so proud. My friends are sick of hearing about Joe ‘Deaky’ Mazzello, you’re all I talk about.” She said laughing, which made me smile a little. Her laugh was the sound I had been craving all day.

“How was work today?” I asked pulling the curtains shut.

“It was okay, busy. A customer cat called me today and I shouted at him for being scum, nothing new.”

“What?” I asked frowning. “Some guy cat called you?”

“Yeah told me he’d like to see under my uniform and made a gross comment about my figure.” I could hear the sound of pots and pans in the background and the soft hum of the kitchen sound system on.

“Hope you screamed bloody murder at him,” I said wiping away a tear that had escaped.

“You bet I did.”

“What are you cooking?” I asked.

“How did you know I was cooking?” She asked sweetly a small giggle at the end.

“The pans, I could hear them,” I said, checking the time on my phone.

I closed my eyes when in bed, my phone on speaker, picturing her in the kitchen of our kitchen in pyjama shorts and the sweater I always left behind for her. Squeezing my eyes tightly shut I focused on the sounds in the background and the melody of the song playing softly.

“Uptown Girl?” I asked, hearing the familiar drawl of Billy Joel.

“You know it’s one of my favourites.” She said. “And plus, it reminds me of you.”

“Why?” I asked, burrowing my head into the pillow more and pulling the sheets up my body a little more.

“I don’t know, it just does.” She said. “Reminds me of that time you were dancing to it, knocked the lamp over and smashed the window.”

“Hey, I was drunk.” I protested, trying to protect my dignity.

“And don’t I know about it.” She said laughing.

Suddenly, without any warning, my mouth opened wide and a huge yawn flowed from my mouth as if it was water.

“You must be exhausted.” She said. “It’s 2 am for you in London.”

“Don’t remind me,” I said running a hand through my now dry hair. “I wish I was with you.”

“I want more than anything to rest my head on your chest and listen to you ramble on and on about baseball.” You said sighing in sadness. “I love you, Joey, so much.”

“I love you too Y/N, so much.”

“Oh yeah, how much?”

“You have no idea,” I said. “Every day I think, ‘I couldn’t possibly love her anymore’, but somehow every morning I wake up just a little more head over heels in love with you.”

She just laughed a little. I knew exactly what she was doing, her hands would be placed over her eyes and she’d be shaking her head a little, her cheeks turning a fiery shade of crimson like they always did after I complimented her or told her I loved her.

Another yawn slipped from my mouth as I turned over in bed.

“Joe, go to sleep.” She said, this time like an order. “And that’s an order.” As much as I thought.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said stifling another huge yawn. “I love you.”

“I love you too Joseph.”

“Can you leave the phone on, whilst I fall asleep?” I felt a little embarrassed asking such a question, but I liked hearing her work around the kitchen and softly humming to the songs she played.

“Of course, sweetie.” She said placing the phone on the kitchen table. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, talk tomorrow.”

After one last exchange of ‘I love yous,’ I closed my eyes and tried to drift off to sleep. It didn’t take long as I was emotionally and physically drained from the day. I went to bed listening to the sounds of my girlfriend humming to our favourite songs and tapping cutlery and pans together in the kitchen. Even though I was miles and miles away from her and everything I found familiar and comfortable I still had an unbreakable bond to her and Brooklyn.

My home and my girl.

#joe mazzello #reader x joe mazzello #fluff #sad girl #bohemian rhapsody #joe mazzello fanfic #my writing #reader

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