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jnasheb-blog · 6 years ago

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LOVE!LOVE!9000! ep. 6

“Wanna walk along the beach? Talk, catch up?”

Neni eyes Leslie hopefully. It’s been a while since they’ve talked like this and she wants to make the most of it. It’s 7 pm on a Wednesday so they’d have the entire beach to themselves.

“Uhm, yeah, that’d be cool.”

They follow the rails down a set of steps which zigzags down a steep hill, eventually reaching the shore.

The sand here is soft, their feet sinking into it with each step. They feel the wind breeze across their skin, the night air tranquil, the bustle and excitement of the theme park distant and muffled. It’s just them and no-one else. It’s been so long.

“My dad used to ask about you, you know?” Neni says as they walk. She clears her throat, readying it for an impression of her dad. “‘Where’s Leslie? He was a bit weird but he was alright. And he’s, you know, gay so I never worried about leaving you in the house with him.”

Leslie coughs. “Your dad thought I was gay?”

“What? You got a problem with that?” Analysing his expression, Ni then breaks into laughter. “It was that jersey you used to wear, dude. It was so extra.”

“My mom told me it was unisex!”

More laughter. “Nah, I’m just messing with you. You know what it was? I told him Moose is gay so he figured you two were an item. I mean, you’re literally always together.”

Leslie suddenly stops in his tracks, his mouth agape as something occurs to him. “How many girls didn’t approach me because they thought I was dating Moose?”

This time Neni loses it. She falls on her ass and howls at the moon, holding her stomach as she shakes with laughter.

“It’s not funny, fam! That’s my entire love life, just flushed down the drain. Why didn’t he say anything?”

“Because he’s probably as dumb as you!”

Les sits beside her, staring forward with a blank expression as he ponders this ridiculous revelation. “Oh my God. A lot of things make sense now.”

“Like what?”

“Grade 11. I asked Lulu Awa to the ball and she said she’d love to but she’d feel weird about it ‘cause of Moose. Wasn’t my first time taking an L so I just assumed that’s what it was. Oh my God... September, same year, this girl Olivia from the lower grade was gonna hand me this note when Moose showed up. She looked kinda embarrassed like she got caught doing something slimy. It kinda confused me but I let it slide. Now though…” He falls onto his back, placing his hands on his head. “Oh my fuuuuuuuuuck.”

Nii just chuckles, lying down next to him. “How did you never pick up on all of that? The thought never occurred to you, not even once?”

Les stays silent, realising that he actually doesn’t even care about that anyway. All he ever talked about to Moose was the girl lying beside him right now. He can feel her arm against his, her shoulder rising and falling as she breathes. When she turns to talk to him, he can feel her breath against his skin. For the first time in a long time, he can feel her. Fuck those other girls.

“Ugh, whatever man. Moose would probably shit on me for caring about what people think anyway.”

“You’re probably right. And...I’m kinda glad things didn’t work out with those girls.”

“Why?”

“Meh, you could do better.”

He smiles at this, his heart beating just a bit faster. “How about you and Leonard? How’s that going?”

Leonard Bam - neighbourhood heart-throb and the reason Ni suddenly feels uncomfortable. She takes a deep breath, staring at the stars as she ponders the question. How is Leonard? How are they? A relationship which had started as a summer fling soon got serious, the two finding more in common than they thought they would. However, at the back of Ni’s mind is the unsettling knowledge that neither of them was ever in it for the right reasons. She’s popular and attractive. He’s popular and attractive. Why not hook up?

Yeah... It wasn’t long before that stopped being enough for her.

“Leonard and I are...complicated. It’s just that this phase of my life is over and I’m not sure we’d make a lot of sense in the next one.”

Les wants to smile but also understands the complexity of the situation. What does he think will happen? She’ll leave Leonard and come running into his arms? He’s Leonard fucking Bam; he has a six-pack and an above eighty term average. Plus, is it ever a good thing when a girl feels comfortable enough to spill all her relational woes on you? Seems like a trap if he’s ever seen one - one that leads to the friendzone.

So what then? Tell her how he truly feels? He’s not sure but it seems like she’d want him to. But, then again, picking up on this sort of stuff has never been one of his strengths. It could turn out that she really does just want to be friends; nothing more, nothing less. He’d be eternally bound to someone he can neither love or leave for to love her is pain but to leave her is even more so. He’d be stuck in the middle of that spectrum, shifting from one extreme to the other as he tries to escape, probably losing his mind before he ever finds peace. Before he ever finds her love.

Suddenly, he feels his chest tighten as anxiety sets in. What the fuck has he gotten himself into? Was he better off when he was just avoiding her? Not having to worry about a relationship full of promise but never any fulfilment? If Les isn’t careful, that’s the kind of shit Moose will have to hear about for the rest of his life. Fuck that.

“Les?” Neni says, looking at him. “You’re not saying anything.”

“Oh, uh… Look Neni, I… I don’t know how to say this. I know you wanna be friends and all but it’s just that… I-I mean…it’d be mad awkward for me because I… What I’m trying to say is-”

She turns to face him, lying on her side as she places a finger on his chin and pulls it towards her. Not sure where this is going, Les’s eyes widen and his body tenses. They’re turned towards each other, so close that he can feel her breath on his face. And she moves in, her lips touching his, lingering for a moment as she waits for confirmation. Les loosens and, as soon as he does, feels the warmth of her breath enter his mouth. She grips his arm, pulling him closer, the two now intertwined, their lips locked in a wet and sensual motion. Earth and wind, moon and stars - none of it matters. All that does is her lips, her tongue, her hand running up and down his arm, her breasts on his chest, her heart joining his in its fast and thunderous rhythm. That’s all there is.

Nothing else matters.

ROSCOE QUOTE #4:

“WHAT IS LEFT OF MY HEART IS UNDER LOCK AND KEY. IF I GAVE IT TO YA, WOULD YOU UP AND LEAVE?”

#love #romance #romcom

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jnasheb-blog · 6 years ago

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LOVE!LOVE!9000! Ep. 5

Is there a point in denying it? He’d made it all so obvious like Nyomi’s tears.

Fuck, he thinks to himself, the jig is up.

Indeed it is. As they both lean against the rails, staring out into the vast ocean, moonlight streaking along its surface, they both feel years of unaddressed thoughts and emotions rising to the surface.

“You used to be my confidant,” Neni bursts out, her voice breaking. She turns away from him, surprised by her sudden influx in emotion.

Leslie doesn’t know why but he suddenly feels a pain in his chest. He stares awkwardly at her back, not sure what to say. They stay like this for a while, silent and unmoving.

It’s been a long year. The final months of high school are usually rife with revelations that most would consider frightening; life isn’t a series of homework and holidays - it’s much harder than that. For Neni, she’s realised that there’s a lot more to think about now. Like what she’s gonna do with her life now that she’s closed such a significant chapter in it. Study some more? She’s so tired of that. She sacrificed so much of her free time just to be accepted into her parents’ prospective universities - prospects which she solemnly dreads. Through it all, a lot of the people she thought were her friends simply weren’t there for her, including Leslie. She hasn’t really told anyone that Neni, the girl who has the looks, the smarts and the popularity, has no fucking clue what she’s gonna do with her life.

And, much like a lot of teens around this point of their life, she’s fucking depressed.

“We used to talk so much,” she says, returning to the rail. “Why’d you start avoiding me?”

Because I love you? Is that what he’s supposed to say? Of course not. Leslie ponders her question as he stares into her eyes, moved by the pain inside them. It’s the type of pain he knows well. The type that Moose so often helps him manage. Had she needed a friend all along? He had no idea, not with Keni and Lola always by her side.

“I uh… I’m sorry. I have been avoiding you.”

Her suspicions now confirmed, she listens intently for what comes next.

“I just… I don’t know, you’ve seen so much of me. At my worst, I mean. Whether it’s me pissing my pants, forgetting my speech in front of the entire school, losing that bet to Aloi, the fire ants incident-”

Neni giggles. Everyone can admit the fire ants incident was kinda hilarious.

“See what I mean? H-how could you take me seriously? I just feel like a fucking idiot eighty percent of the time.”

He looks away from her, once again fixing his eyes on the ocean. She moves in close so that both their arms are touching. When’s the last time he touched her? It’s been years.

“I thought we were friends dude.”

He can’t look at her when she’s this close to him so he just stares forward. “W-we are.”

“Then why would you let petty shit like that come between us? You are an idiot but like...a funny one. It’s refreshing dude because you don’t know how to be anyone but yourself. Don’t you think that’s beautiful?”

“Beautiful to watch, maybe. Y’all were always laughing at me.”

At this, she falls silent, her eyes dropping as she reconsiders all the times she and her friends had chuckled from afar when Leslie had one of his moments.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I didn’t realise... I guess we both kinda fucked up.”

Something Leslie had never considered. He smiles at this, not realising up until now just how much he needed to hear that from her.

“Yeah,” he says, letting out a deep breath. “We did.”

Neni laughs. “You’re supposed to be like no, Ni, it was all my fault.”

“Haha. And the moon’s made out of cheese.”

The two stay quiet for a while, listening to the sound of the waves and studying the deep blue expanse. Life’s a lot like the ocean, isn’t it? Beautiful yet perilous. So many have drowned just trying to get through it so the question is how? How do you navigate these treacherous waters? Well, as Leslie and Neni stand side by side, having a real conversation for the first time in years, they realise that one of the answers to that question is friends. Just having someone be there for you.

All of a sudden, you’re afloat again, the waves less threatening when there’s someone to face them with you.

ROSCOE QUOTE #3:

“SOLD OUT SHOWS. PLATINUM, GOLD. BUT LIFE AIN’T WORTH SHIT WHEN YOU LIVE ON YOUR OWN.”

#love #romance #romantic #teenboys #boy #girl #romcom #dating #relationship #summer #summer break #summerbreak #holiday #holidays #fun #comedy

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jnasheb-blog · 6 years ago

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LOVE!LOVE!9000! Ep. 4

When the word “party” was tossed around during discussions about how to celebrate the end of the final exams, a trip to the local theme park wasn’t what most people had in mind. But leave it to “Student Rep”, Nyomi Apa, to pick the most kid-friendly outing she could think of. It’s a running joke amongst her classmates that she was plucked straight out of a Disney movie and, well, except for her being prone to cuss-filled tantrums, she pretty much fits the bill.

“I’m kinda glad,” Leslie says to Nyomi as the class walks together, “would’ve hated going to a club or something like that.”

“Agh,” she expresses with disgust, “I couldn’t agree more. Clubs are full of vomit and sweaty people. This way we get to make memories and, more importantly, have actual fun.”

Shosho, the class gossip, says from behind them, “Grow up Sturep,” (Sturep is short for Student Rep, the nickname Nyomi’s had to bear since the beginning of the year). “I can’t believe this bitch brought us to an amusement park.” Some of the students nearby grumble in agreement with her complaints.

“Let me know if you still think it’s whack by the end of the night, okay Shosho?” With that, Nyomi storms off, everyone’s incessant complaints finally having brought her to the point of tears. She lasted a lot longer than Leslie thought she would. Moose won that bet.

“You need to go easy on her,” Moose says to Shosho. “Why’d you guys even show up if you’re so upset about it?”

“‘Cause what if it’s the last time we’ll be together?” someone mumbles.

“Awwwww,” says the whole class, breaking into laughter.

“You guys are ridiculous,” Moose says, shaking his head.

“I’ll go speak to Shosho,” Leslie says. “She’s probably balling right now.”

“Yeah,” Moose agrees, “go do that. I’ll text you later.”

***

She’s leaning against some railings overlooking the beach when he finds her. Her body quivers, hands to her face, so he knows she’s crying. When she notices him approaching, she turns away, quickly wiping her tears and looking out at the waves as they crash onto the shore.

“Stop crying so much,” Leslie says to her.

“I wasn’t crying.”

“And the moon is made out of cheese.”

“You’re a real ball of sunshine, you know? Thanks.”

“Hey,” he says, playfully shoving her shoulder, “they’re all complaining but you know how it is. It won’t be long before we’re all having fun. They’re probably having fun right now without us.”

“So why are they always fucking complaining? The whole year you guys have been nothing but mean to me and it feels like if I just disappeared then no-one would give a shit. You’d probably be glad.”

Leslie awkwardly puts a hand on her shoulder. “I’m… not that good with people but I can tell you that if they didn’t care at all, they wouldn’t take all those jabs at you. A bit excessive? Meh, probably. But you’re fucking Nyomi, fam. Years after this whole shindig is over, we’re still gonna remember all the times you lost your shit in class, telling us to shut up because Mr Chowdri would give us all extra homework if he found us talking. We’ll remember all the mandatory class functions you organised and how you created that group chat so you could constantly remind us of the dates. Oh my God - constantly. But that group chat was lit fam! And I don’t know if you noticed but no-one’s left it yet.”

Nyomi laughs, a big smile spreading across her face as she wipes away some tears. “I did kinda do that, didn’t I?”

“You did, dude. And you know what would be worse than them making fun of you all the time?”

“I don’t know, what?”

“Not being remembered at all. Highschool’s over fam. Most people usually stop talking when they go to university but I don’t think that’s gonna happen with us. I think we’ll keep checking on each other and trying to hang out. And it’s all because of you and those stupid get-togethers you were always organising for us. As corny as it sounds, it taught us to be a family.”

At this, Nyomi starts balling again, leaning into Leslie and hugging him tightly.

“Thank you,” she says in-between sobs. “That’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all year.”

He can feel his shirt getting soaked by her tears but, despite all that, feels his heart warm a little. Like he said, Leslie’s not that great with people but he has his moments. And this is definitely one of them.

“Oh sorry,” someone nearby says, “hope I’m not interrupting.”

It’s Neni.

“Fuck!” is literally what comes out of Leslie’s mouth as he sees her. It’s involuntary, much like the rest of the idiot spasms he has whenever she’s near him. He pushes Nyomi away, clearing his throat as he turns his back and looks awkwardly towards the sky. Nyomi gives him a look of confusion but her eyes widen with sudden and profound revelation as she realises why he always acts so weird whenever Neni shows up - he likes her. She grins, punching him in the arm and forcing him to look at her. As he observes her pert expression, he knows that she knows and feels his heart skip a beat.

“You mind taking her with you?” Neni whispers to Keni who stands beside her. Keni beckons for Nyomi to grab her hand and the two girls walk off, giggling as they whisper to each other.

The wind whistles. The sound of crashing waves fills the night air. From not too far away comes the sounds of laughter and exuberant screams.

But all Leslie notices is her. Neni stands in front of him, a smile on her face as well as in her eyes. What better way to spend the last night of high school than rekindling an old friendship? And what better way to do it than in a spot overlooking the beach, far away from raucous chatter and loud machines?

She moves beside him, leaning against the rails and staring out into the ocean.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” she says, turning and staring deep into his eyes.

ROSCOE QUOTE #2:

“GIRL, YOU SAY THAT I DON’T LOVE YOU. YOU DON’T REALISE I DO. THE SUN AIN’T ALWAYS THERE BUT YOU CAN SEE IT IN THE MOON.”

#love #romance #teen #teenboys #summer #summer break #kdrama

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jnasheb-blog · 6 years ago

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LOVE!LOVE!9000! Ep. 3

"Breakfast!"

It's a sunny morning. Besides the smell of bacon and his mom's loud voice, Leslie is also woken by the soft chirps of the birds outside. He takes a peek out of his window, always impressed by how the sun kisses the treetops, little flecks of light dancing across the garden lawn as the wind gently rustles the leaves. He closes his eyes, saying a prayer of thanks when-

"Breakfast!" his mom shouts again.

"Geez, mom, I'm coming!"

He stares up at his ceiling, a large poster of Roscoe Rose, legendary pop sensation, staring back at him with a pointed finger, a mic in hand. The photo was taken during his epic Rock and Roses tour, the highest-grossing music tour in history. Bathed in the light of thousands of smartphones, an unquenchable fire in his eyes, Roscoe seems larger than life, this snapshot of his glory always inspiring Leslie to get himself out of bed.

He groans, pushing himself up and stretching his arms out to the ceiling, his mouth spreading wide as he yawns. Taking a look at his phone, his eyes widen in shock when he notices the time - 7:50 am.

"Fuuuck," he moans, getting to his feet as he rubs his eyes and making his way to the bathroom. Staring at himself in the mirror, he observes every feature of his young and relatively unblemished face, asking himself the same question he always asks when he does this: is he handsome? He's never had a girl besides his mom say this to him before so he's always wondered. Moose thinks he's handsome but Moose is his best friend. And a guy. What's the female perspective?

Leslie lowers his head to the sink and brushes his teeth, pondering the various insecurities he always has around this time of the morning.

***

"Where you headed to?" Mom mouths to Leslie while chewing on some toast.

"Moose's. I'm like twenty minutes late though."

She places her newspaper down and peers at him over the rims of her glasses. "You need to stop being so late all the time."

"Gosh, Mom, not a lecture so early in the morning."

"I'm serious. What if you're late for your wedding?"

A question he's heard a million times at this point. She's always trying to get him to be more punctual. And think about the future. And marriage.

He hopes all of that shit will make sense after a couple of years.

"Jesus, Mom, let me get out of here before you start telling me to sign a prenup."

"Something you should consider!" she yells after him as he rushes out of the house, still chewing on his breakfast.

***

"Since you're thirty minutes late," Moose says, "we're gonna have less time to work on you but that's okay, I don't need too much. Come here."

This is Moose's room. He grabs Leslie by the shoulders and places him in front of his wardrobe mirror.

"You see that guy?" he asks Leslie.

"Uh, yeah."

"Say it with confidence, fam."

"Yeah. Yeah, I see him."

"That's the guy we need to convince of something today."

"Uh, okay..."

"Yeah, he's the guy I've been telling you about. He doesn't think he's handsome enough, doesn't think he's tall enough, doesn't think he's funny enough - he doesn't think a whole bunch of things. We're here to convince him that he is."

Leslie chuckles.

"What's so funny?" Moose asks, spinning him around. "This is serious bro. That guy," he once again gestures to the mirror, "is in need of serious help." Moving in close, he mutters under his breath, "Okay, I don't know if you've caught on yet but you need to pretend you and the guy in the mirror are two separate people in order for this to work." He spins Leslie back towards the mirror and begins pacing around the room.

"Geez, if only there was a way, Leslie. If only there was a way to convince this guy."

Leslie looks around awkwardly. "Uh, there must be."

"You're right! Tell him something."

"Tell him what?"

"Anything! Tell him he's handsome."

"Oh, okay. Hey man, uhm... You're handsome." He grins, unable to withhold another chuckle.

Placing his hands on his head, Moose whistles with pity. "Imagine a girl laughed at you after calling you handsome. How would you feel? Would you believe her?"

Leslie looks to the floor and shakes his head.

"Then why is our friend here supposed to believe that bullshit you call a compliment? Try again!"

"Why's there yelling up there?" Moose's mom shouts from downstairs.

"Sorry, mom!"

He turns back and whispers aggressively, "Try again!"

Clearing his throat, Leslie says once more, "You're handsome."

"Nice. Tell him something else."

"I like your moustache even though it's kind of thin and one of the sides doesn't fully connect with the hair on your chin."

"Wha- No that was terrible. That's like saying I like you as a person even though I think you're a piece of shit and wouldn't introduce you to my other friends. Try again!"

It's in moments like this that it's best to do whatever Moose tells you. Leslie's seen firsthand how crazy he gets.

"Your moustache is great, dude. Very classic."

"Okay! We're making progress. Now I need details. You and this guy have been friends for years so get into specifics. What are some cool things he's done that you're really proud of?"

"Oh, of course! I loved that one time you were honest about the extra change the lady at McDonald's gave you. It was a lot of change but you gave it back."

"Okay... Honesty. I fuck with that. What else?"

"I loved how you told those guys to shut up when they were talking about Moose behind his back. And they actually did shut up! I'm still not sure why they listened to me though. I'm not that intimidating."

"Hey! First of all, don't break character. Second of all, you are sure! He asserted himself and meant what he said. They had to respect it. Say it!"

"They had to respect it."

"What did they have to respect? Say it with your chest!"

"He asserted himself and meant what he said! They had to respect that shit goddammit!"

"YES!" Moose shouts, grabbing Leslie by his shoulders and shaking him vigorously. "YES! You're goddamn right they did!"

Leslie stares at him with wide eyes, a bit startled by his manic expression. He eventually smiles as well, admittedly feeling a bit more confident than he usually does.

"Is this shit actually working bro?"

"Of course it is. I told you, a family secret. You keep doing that every time you look in the mirror and I promise you you'll have the biggest dick in any room you walk into."

Leslie strokes his chin and nods with approval. "That would be nice."

The two laugh, collapsing onto Moose's bed and staring at the ceiling.

"You always feel confident?" Leslie asks.

"Who does? There are times I'm convinced I can't handle life at all. But that's what this shit is for. It's not for the good times. It's for the times when we doubt ourselves. My dad said it's like pouring water into a well. Most days you'll have enough water to get by but, on the days you're running dry, you need to come back and draw some more. So when you're standing in the mirror and affirming all this good stuff about yourself, it's like you're inserting more positive instead of negative into yourself. And your subconscious mind is the well. When you start feeling like shit, it'll remember all the good things you say about yourself instead of the bad because that's what you invested more of."

"Woah," Leslie says, "didn't know your dad's that deep."

"Meh, he doesn't have much more than his little mirror trick to be honest."

"It'll be a lot more than a little trick if it works."

"Yeah, you're right. My dad's a genius"

Another shared laugh.

They eventually quiet down, staring into the ceiling as they ponder life and confidence. And that's it isn't? The ideal friendship? Leslie doesn't have a lot of friends but he struck gold with Moose. They can say damn near anything to each other and, when they're not talking, even silence feels comfortable. This is because their feelings aren't said, they're felt. It's a heart bond - the type that doesn't wear out over time.

"By the way, Les?"

"Yeah?"

"We're going to the final exam party."

"Oh fu-"

END.

ROSCOE QUOTE #1:

"SILENCE IS GOLDEN. LOVE IS SHOWN, IT'S NOT SPOKEN."

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jnasheb-blog · 6 years ago

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LOVE!LOVE!9000! Ep. 2

The subtle whir of its engine as the car cruises through the road, the soft whistle of the wind as it blows past Neni's open window - she stares out into the orange sky, her mind still on that weirdo Leslie. She wishes she didn't think about him as much as she does but she can't shake the feeling that he's avoiding her. And why does she care? Maybe it's because they used to be friends and now they're strangers, reduced to awkward smiles and nods whenever they do see each other at school.

"You good?" Lola asks. "I never see you think this hard about anything."

Neni scoffs, giving Lola a gentle shove.

"Bitch," Lola laughs, "you want me to crash this car? Settle down."

Neni eases back into her seat, letting out a sigh. "You're still in class with Leslie right?"

"Oh, Les? He's cool. A bit awkward though. Why?"

"I uh... Ugh, forget it."

"Ooo," Lola turns to Neni, her lips puckered and forming a naughty grin, "my Neni have a wittle crush?"

"Ah-wha- ... No. It's just... We used to talk a lot is all. Each year it gets worse. It's like he's avoiding me."

"I don't know dude. I think he's just an awkward guy. Maybe talk to him when you see him next time if you think it's that deep."

Neni stares out at the setting sun, chin resting on her hand as she ponders deeply. "Maybe."

***

Moose: You ran again? Fuck dude🤣 this is bad for your image.

Leslie: I know! Had to cut through a classroom window🤦🏿‍♂️ I think she saw me.

Moose: You what?

Leslie: 😓

Moose: When are you gonna get over that whole pee thing? It was years ago! You were a baby!

Leslie: Well, firstly, I was 11.

Moose: How does that sound better?

Leslie: Secondly, it's not just the pee fam! It's a bunch of shit. Some days it's the pee, other days it's my dad pulling my ear in front of her in sixth grade, and still other days it's the time I had those fire ants on my ass and I had to take my pants off in front of her. And there are still other days on top of those days!

Moose: Won't lie the fire ants shit was hilarious🤣🤣🤣

Leslie: Dude...

Moose: I'm sorry. You know I love you.

Leslie: Whatever.

Moose: It'll be fine fam. You just gotta be more confident. We'll work on it.

Leslie: How?

Moose: I'll teach you what my dad's been teaching me. It's a family secret.

Leslie: Mhmm... You've piqued my interest.

Moose: Be at my place tomorrow at 8.

Leslie: Why so early?

Moose: Just come dude.

Leslie: Agh, okay fine.

Moose: Haha my man😏 Don't forget my game dude! You were supposed to bring that shit last week honestly I'll kill you🤦🏿‍♂️

Leslie: Lol my bad I'll bring it.

Moose: Honest to God I'll chokeslam you if you don't.

Leslie: You just made a pact with God keep that same energy when you see me🤣

Moose: This guy...

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jnasheb-blog · 6 years ago

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LOVE!LOVE!9000! Ep. 1

The room was quiet, their eyes down and unmoving as the children stared at their books, pretending to read. Leslie was among the throng of kids on the library floor, a book laid in front of him just like everyone else. However, if one were to peer down from the ceiling, it’d soon be clear how this skinny, awkward boy always manages to distinguish himself from the rest of the crowd.

He lives his life in perpetual embarrassment.

A puddle begins to spread from beneath him, forming a damp dark circle as it continues to spread. A girl nearby gasps in silence, empathising with Leslie’s horrifying ordeal but also not wanting to be soiled in his piss. She scoots backwards, knocking into another kid who groans in annoyance. Soon, everyone nearby is aware of the growing piss puddle, especially, much to Leslie’s horror, Neni Ni. She stares back at him, her expression of shock and pity seared into the young boy’s memory, seemingly never to leave him for the rest of his days.

Fast forward six years and Leslie is still ducking behind corners whenever he spots her, that same expression still on her face after all this time - at least, from his perspective it still is. The reality is that Neni has long since forgotten about it. Kids laugh, kids cry and kids pee themselves. So what? She wonders why he always acts so weird around her.

This particular day is the day of results. All twelfth graders have collected their reports for the final exams - high school is officially over.

It’s the waning hours of the afternoon and Neni walks down an empty hallway when she spots Leslie’s awkward figure suddenly duck into an empty classroom. Enough is enough; the two haven’t had a real conversation in years and she wants to know why.

Just then however, her phone beeps - a text from her friend, Lola.

Lola: Got my report. I passed😭😭😭

Neni: Eyyy🎉 well-done dude. I did pretty well too.

Lola: Aaargh! I’m so excited babe! We are going to TURN UP! Waiting for you outside.

Neni: Be there just now.

Reaching the classroom Leslie ducked into, Neni pokes her head in to see him but he’s not there. She looks around in confusion, her eyes narrowing in suspicion as they settle on an open window. Sure enough, as she looks through it, she sees Leslie walking across the school field, acting like he didn’t just cut through a classroom window in order to avoid someone.

He is avoiding her right? She’s not going crazy?

*beep*

Lola: Bitch, hurry up. Everyone’s already at Keni’s place.

Neni shakes her head. She is going crazy. Why would anyone go through all of that just to avoid someone?

Leslie knows why and, as he walks across the field, shoulders slumped and eyes towards the ground, all that’s going through his mind is the look on Neni’s face, his biggest crush for seven years and running, when he’d peed himself.

The horror.

He cringes, putting his palm to his face as he carries on walking.

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jnasheb-blog · 7 years ago

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A Deep Analysis of Scorpion’s A-side

When I first listened to Scorpion, the new album by the rapper Drake, my reaction to it was similar to that of many individuals; it felt uninspired. Like many people, I also had a similar experience with Views - Drake’s previous album, right before Scorpion - which felt bland and interminable. What makes things different for me is that, after a while, Views began to grow on me. It actually became better. In a 2016 interview with Zane Lowe, Drake mentions how, for him, the best pieces of music are the ones you don’t really get at first; they require you, the audience, to improve your skills as listeners in order to truly appreciate what’s been presented to you. He’s worked hard to craft the album and now wants effort on your part in understanding it. It’s like we’re co-labouring in the process of defining an artwork. I think it’s beautiful. And I love Drake’s work all the more for it.

To put it simply, Views is a story of the world’s biggest rapper who grapples with his very complex situation; he is simultaneously Hip Hop’s most loved and hated child. The story is told through seasons, winter and summer, and becomes increasingly intriguing the more you peel back its layers and discard the many opinions that tend to influence our own perspectives. From being an album I honestly had a hard time embracing, it became the album I listen to basically every day, for almost two and a half years now.

More Life, the follow-up to Views, not dubbed an album but, rather, a playlist, was similar in how it was received by the public and critics alike. The most common response to the project was, “it was okay.” Not good, not bad, just okay. This is an opinion held for most of Drake’s work and I’m willing to admit that I’ve held it before as well. Regardless, I really enjoyed More Life upon my first listen and the many ones that followed after it. More Life was an answer to Views which begged the question, “How do I, Drake, circumvent this space that I’ve clearly influenced the most, above all my predecessors and peers, even though this same space resents me?” To simplify the answer Drake gave in More Life, he basically said this: He’s come to terms with the fact that rap is a vicious bloodsport that stems from a culture (Hip Hop) that is plagued by hate and jealousy; all the love he needs, he gets from friends and family but that’s pretty much it - not to say that there are aren’t many fans, such as myself, who genuinely appreciate Drake but, rather, it’s hard to gauge whose love is real - especially when so many people supposedly hate the man but are also largely responsible for placing him in his position as the biggest rapper of all time. He’s accepted all that. He also says, in the outro track of More Life:

“My life is centered 'round competition and currency Taking summer off 'cause they tell me I need recovery Maybe gettin' back to my regular life will humble me I'll be back in 2018 to give you the summary More Life”

Well, it’s 2018 and he’s delivered on his promise of a summary in the form of Scorpion.

By now, I hope you see the picture I’m trying to paint here; Drake’s albums are a lot more complex than the whinings of an overly sensitive rap millionaire who a lot of people like to think of as more of a pop star (in the derogatory sense). There’s real depth behind the rapper’s work. There’s real meaning and real lessons to be learned. Important lessons.

Scorpion resumes the narrative we were introduced to in Views (some might argue that it’s been playing out for the entirety of his career but I believe Views was the beginning of a new phase for Drake) and beautifully answers the questions that Drake himself poised in his previous two bodies of work: In this world of jealousy and strife, where do I fit in? Scorpions simple answer is that he doesn’t; Drake fits nowhere in this image that people have of an “ideal” Hip Hop. He’s the antithesis of this image. He’s vulnerable, honest and willing to show love when love isn’t warranted. He isn’t Biggie. He isn’t Pac. He’s Drake. For better or worse.

In the recent beef we saw between him and Pusha T, Pusha’s response to Drake’s Duppy Freestyle wasn’t just an attempt to end his rival’s career, it was an attempt to dismantle his life and permanently taint his reputation. Granted, a lot of rap beefs can often lead to the aforementioned result but I had a particular issue with Pusha’s diss: it was implemented, in my opinion, rather dishonestly. It paints the picture that Drake is an insecure and dishonest man that is hiding a child - who he’s also supposedly neglecting - from the world. There are a couple of issues I could point out about this approach. Firstly, basically everything that was said in the Story of Adidon (Pusha T’s diss track towards Drake) had already been discussed in Drake’s own music. Whether it’s his dad leaving him as a child, whether it’s his dad’s wardrobe choices, whether it’s his mother’s love life, whether it’s his struggles with his own blackness or whether it’s the multitude of women who have claimed to be the mother of his child - all of this has been addressed in Drake’s music. The narrative Pusha T gives suggests that Drake hasn’t come to terms with all of this and, instead, runs away from it. Drake, in “The Resistance”, a song from his first album, “Thank Me Later”, once revealed that a woman he’d had unprotected sex with had an abortion of a child that he believes to have been his. The opposite of Pusha T’s claims are true; Drake isn’t running from anything.

Another issue I have with Pusha’s diss, and the last I’ll discuss here, is with the entitlement he and the general public seem to have over the information of Drake’s private life. It’s been confirmed that Drake does indeed have a son but, in reality, did any of us actually have a right to know this? If Drake decides to keep us completely ignorant of this information, has he suddenly become a bad person? Being the biggest musician alive right now, he has obvious reasons for wanting to shield his child from the public eye - the same public eye that has an obsessive and dangerous fixation on the celebrities it worships.

And this brings us to Scorpion - what I believe to be Drake’s best work to date. The A-side of the album discusses hate and jealousy and the need to discard both emotions for the sake of peace and healing. In the intro song of the album, Survival, he implies that he seriously thought about causing real harm to Pusha T, going on to say that it’s unsettling for him to discuss those dark thoughts. He also says, in the same song, “Realise someone gotta die when no one'll dead it.” You’ll understand why this is true if you think back to the beef between 2pac and Biggie; an ongoing rap feud moved beyond rap and ended in the loss of lives.

It simply isn’t worth it.

All of this raises my appreciation of the song, “God’s Plan”, one of the album’s lead singles. Drake believes that all of the negativity and conflict he experiences within the rap sphere is the result of a larger plan in motion; a divine plan. In my eyes, this plan could lead to more candid discussions on beef, jealousy and the need for Hip Hop to evolve from its malevolent state - it’s the only logical way that this could go if the likes of Drake remain at Hip Hop’s helm.

What makes God’s Plan even more interesting is that Drake places “I’m Upset”, one of Scorpion’s other lead singles, directly after it on the album’s tracklist. I’m Upset discusses his frustration with certain things going on around him, whether it’s him being sued by former love interests, dealing with constant betrayal (in one of Scorpion’s songs, “Sandra’s Rose”, Drake raps, “Backstabbed so many times I started walkin' backwards”) or dealing with rap beef. It’s as if he’s saying, despite believing there is a divine purpose to all that’s happening, he still feels pain and resentment toward all of it. Understandably so.

In the song “Emotionless”, also on Scorpion, Drake discusses how he’s fed up with all of this. He says this about fake supporters: “Don't link me. Don't hit me when you hear this and tell me your favorite song. Don't tell me how you knew it would be like this all along. I know the truth is you won't love me until I'm gone.” He also talks about how he’s lost love for the majority of his idols, describing meeting them as “seeing how magic works”. With the more time he spends on top of rap’s throne, he notices even more of its tragic flaws. His line in Emotionless, “iconic duos rip and split at the seams” could be seen as a reference to Kanye West and Jay-Z, two formerly very close friends who, due to the nature of Hip Hop lost a lot of that friendship. Then there’s Birdman and Lil Wayne. Even Pusha T and his brother, No Malice, split from their former duo, Clipse. Hip Hop, although it contains many beautiful elements and, thus, we still support it, is messy and suffers from a large lack of honesty and compassion. Drake says that this has changed him as a person. The question he asks at the end of the song is, “Is there anybody like me?” He doesn’t want tension. He doesn’t want beef. He wants the opposite of this. He’s become an unwilling participant of a very bloody sport but I think Scorpion is the continuation of a process of him detaching himself from this narrative.

The last song, “Is There More?”, of the album’s A-side is my favourite and, what I find to be, the most interesting. Some of Drake’s words: “Still I rise, Maya Angelou vibes, when life comin' at you from all angles and sides and they don't wanna see that you smilin' from inside.”

He’s risen above all the negativity that surrounds him and retains his inner peace. However, I also love the theme that runs throughout the song: Is there more to life than the trappings of fame? The question is asked in different forms throughout the song and I love this because it continues a pattern that existed in his previous two projects: asking a question that will then be answered in his next body of work.

Views was Drake dealing with the hate and jealousy of both his peers and the general public. More Life was him coming to terms with that and withdrawing to his regular life in order to find peace. Scorpion finds him in the midst of this life, asking himself if there’s more than what currently presents itself to him. In his final words of the A-side of the album:

“Am I missin' somethin' that's more important to find? Like healin' my soul, like family time? Is there more to life than just when I'm feelin' alive? Is there more?”

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