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Bojack Horseman (Season 5, Episode 6: Free Churro)

Most of you know that I’m obsessed with Bojack Horseman (because I won’t stop posting about it on Facebook). I can’t help it - this show has helped me through the worst part of of my life (or as Homer Simpson would say “the worst part of my life .. SO FAR!). I started watching in 2014, when the series first started, not expecting a lot. And what I got was, well, not a lot. The first part of Season 1 felt like a bad Family Guy rip-off. It even resorted to a lot of cut-away gags and gross-out formulaic humour much like Family Guy. Nothing against Family Guy but it isn’t very funny unless you’re in high school and/or you’re high. Anyways, I basically used to watch Bojack Horseman to kill time and for the occasional chuckle. It was one of those shows you continue to watch for some reason even though you don’t feel like you’re very invested in it. Season 1 actually got pretty good near the end though, and I got somewhat excited for what was to come. 

Season 2 came out right when I was going through the hardest time of my life. I had just started struggling with health issues (that I am still struggling with to this day) and I was battling depression and suicide ideation. I’m sure that part of the reason Season 2 impacted me as much as it did was because I was in such a vulnerable state. That being said, I know that it has touched millions of people all across the world. But I started to feel like this show was written for me. I never would have guessed that an animated show about an alcoholic, clinically depressed, anthropomorphic horse would be the thing that would pull me out of this dark hole I was falling into. Because of this, Bojack Horseman is a show that is very close to my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever forget how it provided me with solidarity when I needed it the most. 

Ever since Season 2, this show has consistently blown me away with how meticulously it tackles challenging topics. Depression, addiction, asexuality, abuse. And they don’t choose one episode to be “the depression episode” where a character admits that they struggle with depression for one episode but then never again (I’ve seen a lot of shows do this). Bojack Horseman is about the agony of the human condition. It doesn’t sugar coat anything. It cuts deeper than any show I’ve ever seen. 

[Sorry, that introduction was way too long to even be considered an introduction. I still consider myself an amateur when it comes to writing and I have a hard time being concise (partly because I can’t be bothered to edit what I write, I just prefer the stream of consciousness method).]

Season 5. Probably my least favourite season since Season 1 but still a sublime season nonetheless (that’s how good seasons 2-4 were). I’ve come to realize that I just want the show to be more about Bojack. I mean he IS the titular character. I appreciate that there are multiple story lines happening at the same time but, to be honest, they all pale in comparison to whatever is happening to Bojack at any given moment. It’s similar to how I felt about The Joker. Sure, Dark Knight was a good movie but whenever The Joker wasn’t on screen I couldn’t wait for more Joker. I feel the same way about Bojack. I don’t really watch the show for Todd’s wacky adventures. In fact, Todd is probably my least favourite character. I find him endearing if I’m in the right mood but a lot of the time he just tries my patience. 

*SPOILER ALERT*

Season 5, Episode 6. Free Churro. Brilliant. Maybe the best episode yet (besides Fish Out Of Water?). Fish Out Of Water is 25 minutes of next to no dialogue and Free Churro is 25 minutes of nothing but talking. This is what I want more of. Bojack ranting for 20 minutes about his dead mother is quite possibly the most perfect 20 minutes of television I’ve ever seen. He gives a eulogy at his mother’s funeral (or so he thinks) and it’s both hilarious and heartbreaking. At the end of the episode we learn that Bojack was at the wrong funeral the entire time. This is such a creative way for us to look into Bojack’s head. Instead of an internal monologue, the writers decided that they would have Bojack give a eulogy to a room filled with the wrong people. So good. The way that Bojack talks about his mother lets us see how negative of an impact she had on his life. It really makes you think about how much a person’s words can impact someone, even after that person ceases to exist. Scary stuff. 

I finished Season 5 in 3 days and now I have to wait an entire year for Season 6. I don’t know what’s worse: being forced to wait a year for more Bojack or honeydew. Probably honeydew but waiting is pretty bad too. 

9.5/10 MASTERPIECE

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Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017)

There are few films that make me laugh out loud. Even those that I find humorous will often only elicit a smile or a quiet nose exhale. Three Billboard outside Ebbing, Missouri had me belly laughing. There were moments where I found myself giggling like a school girl with glee. I can only think of a handful of other films that have had this effect on me. When the credits started rolling I was smiling from ear to ear because of what I had just witnessed.

Mildred Hayes decides to put up 3 billboards calling attention to the fact that the police department has all but given up on the case of her daughter who was brutally raped and murdered several months prior. I know what you’re thinking. This does not sound like a funny movie. The wonderful thing about Three Billboards is how masterfully it balances bleak, heart-breaking subject matter and humor. There are scenes that will rip your heart out followed by scenes that will have you in stitches.

Three Billboards throws political correctness out the window and sets fire to it. If you’re easily offended, this movie will offend you in just about every way possible. These characters say some of the most bigoted things you will ever hear. It seems as though the writers are using the fact that it’s set in Missouri as an excuse to make jokes they wouldn’t normally have the luxury of making. It’s almost as if the writers are saying, “hey, this is how people in Missouri talk! If we’re going to depict how racist, sexist and homophobic these people really are; we might as well make it hilarious too!” And it definitely is hilarious. You’ll laugh and then you’ll feel bad for laughing immediately after. That’s the kind of movie this is.

The acting on display here is sublime. I thoroughly enjoyed Frances McDormand’s character, Mildred Hayes. She comes across as tough and heartless at first but we soon realize that she’s just been emotionally damaged by her abusive ex-husband and the sudden loss of her daughter. I love how they showed her more vulnerable moments fairly early on in the film. Moments where she would break down and cry. It’s fairly cliche for these types of characters to maintain a tough, prickly exterior throughout the bulk of a film, waiting until the very end to show but a glimpse of humanity. The fact that we see Mildred teeter-totter back and forth between being brutally heartless and racked with guilt because of her behavior is more relatable to anyone who has ever been emotionally scarred. As much as I adored Frances McDormand’s performance, I think Sam Rockwell was what made this film so delightful. I enjoy Sam Rockwell in almost everything that he’s in and I think that he’s underrated as an actor. He’s the best part of every movie that he’s in. His performance in “The Way Way Back” was the only good thing I took away from that movie. Jason Dixon, played by Rockwell, has one of the most interesting character arcs ever. He starts out as a side character who contributes a little bit of comic relief here and there and then, about halfway through, takes the reins as one of the primary characters and a force that drives this movie forward. I’d say this is as much his movie as it is Mildred’s. I was absolutely fascinated by Jason Dixon. He’s such a slimy, detestable person. Bigoted, foul-mouthed, dumber than a bag of hammers. But his character takes a turn that you don’t see coming and I found him to be kind of endearing in the end. He also provides the majority of the laughs.

With a name like “Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri” I should have known that this would be unlike anything I had ever seen. I could never predict what was going to happen next. Everything I expected to happen didn’t happen. This movie thrives on shock humor, plot twists, intensely dramatic moments, unconventional story-writing and unforgettable performances. Three Billboards is without a doubt one of the most unique films I’ve ever had the pleasure of viewing. I’ll sometimes say that a certain movie has everything I want in a movie. Three Billboards outside Ebbing Missouri gave me a whole lot that I didn’t even know that I wanted.

9.5/10 MASTERPIECE

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Pulp Fiction (1994)

When people talk about the best of the 90s, Pulp Fiction is almost always mentioned. I’d almost go so far as to say that Pulp Fiction was culturally ubiquitous in the 1990s and it’s still considered by many to be one of the best movies ever made. It’s not on the same level as something like Harry Potter when it comes to popularity, but it’ll show up on countless must-see lists. I like to compare it to Radiohead. Not everyone has listened to Radiohead but almost everyone below the age of 50 knows who they are. Most people who are really into music have heard at least a few Radiohead songs. The same can be said for Pulp Fiction. Not everyone has seen it but almost everyone has heard of it or, at the very least, would recognize the iconic movie poster of Uma Thurman smoking a cigarette. So what’s with all the hype? Is it really that good? I’ve talked to people who think that Pulp Fiction is criminally overrated and don’t understand why there’s so much love for it. Is it overrated? Probably. Is it a great movie? Abbbbbsolutely.

I didn’t get around to watching Pulp Fiction until around 2009 so I was pretty late to the party. Despite high expectations going into it, I was blown away by how well crafted it was. The dialogue is what made it so groundbreaking. Before Pulp Fiction came out in 1994, there wasn’t a gangster movie I can think of that gave the characters enough screen time to have such pointless conversations. Conversations that don’t move the plot forward in any way. This may sound like a critique but it’s not. Imagine you’re at Starbucks by yourself and two gun-toting gangsters walk in and each order one of those pink unicorn drinks. They sit at the table next to you and start arguing about Pokemon Go. They’re within earshot so you naturally start eavesdropping. How entertaining would that be? Hell, I might even order another drink just so I could listen longer. Watching Pulp Fiction kind of feels like you’re eavesdropping. Like you’re hearing all the conversations that you’re not supposed to be hearing. A script about fast food and foot massages can be surprisingly interesting if it’s done in the right way. There’s a rhythm to the things that come out of these characters’ mouths that makes it feel like their sentences are dancing with each other. It’s almost poetic. Everyone’s so fast-talking, sarcastic and insecure. It’s incredibly funny. There’s a dichotomy about this film in that it feels like everything is filler yet there’s no boring moment. There’s no climax because the entire movie is one big climax. In most films, there are scenes that aren’t all that entertaining but they’re necessary to tell the story. You can tell that Tarantino really made an effort to make Pulp Fiction consistently enjoyable throughout. You could watch this movie with ten other people and every person could have a different favorite scene. This is also one of the few movies that you could start watching part way through and still enjoy. This is the first movie I watched by Quinten Tarantino and I think it’s one of his best (my favorite being Jackie Brown). His directorial debut Reservoir Dogs is good, but you can tell he was still working out the kinks in his craft. I thought that the first scene from Reservoir Dogs, in which a group of criminals discusses the concept of tipping your waitress, was the best scene. I feel like Tarantino took scenes like this and improved upon them in Pulp Fiction. Pulp fiction is bigger, louder and more colorful than Reservoir Dogs. Pulp Fiction is the movie that put Tarantino on the map.

Some may find the gratuitous violence and language off-putting. In a way, Pulp Fiction itself is gratuitous. There’s no lesson to be learned (unless you’re really digging) and it’s not a deep film by any stretch of the imagination. It’s meant to be entertaining and I think it succeeds with flying colors. It’s meticulously crafted and knows what it wants to accomplish. It doesn’t take a lot of brain power to watch and it doesn’t challenge us in any way but it doesn’t have to. It’s the kind of movie that makes me want to write a script. It’s that good.

9.5/10 MASTERPIECE!

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I Am Not A Serial Killer (2016)

Within the first 20 minutes of I Am Not A Serial Killer, I had already written it off as cliche and predictable. I had already successfully predicted what the “big reveal” was going to be, which takes place a half hour into the movie, and I started to lose interest a little bit. But luckily I stuck around because the last half of this movie totally threw me for a loop and there were multiple moments that made my jaw drop in disbelief. This movie tricks you into thinking that you know how things are going to play out but I honestly cannot remember the last time I’ve been so caught off guard by a twist ending. It was a very pleasant surprise. The last 10 or 20 minutes all happen so quickly. The entire movie takes a complete 180 and then it just kind of ends without much of an explanation. The credits roll and “Spirit in the Sky” starts playing which I found hilarious. I never would’ve expected such an upbeat, happy sounding song to close out a movie like this but I loved it. I Am A Serial Killer contains some incredibly irreverent, dark humor. There are a lot of jokes regarding death that some will be offended by and others will find very amusing. I found it all to be very funny and I thought that the comic relief helped to keep this film from becoming too bleak. This movie is filled with blood and guts and is extremely violent. It’s also quite scary. I’m not sure if it would be classified as a horror but, if not, it’s definitely pretty close. I would not recommend it for children. 

Our main character, John, is a teenager with an unhealthy fascination with death. In fact, he starts to suspect that he, himself, may be a serial killer (hence the title). John’s therapist repeatedly tells him throughout the movie that he is a good person despite the fact that he has a lot of serial killer tendencies (bed wetting apparently?). His therapist emphasizes that John is in control of his actions and that he is not inherently a bad person. We see John’s struggle to wrestle with his demons and fight against his urge to kill. He has to learn that he is the only one who can determine what kind of person he will become. He’s not a bad person; he’s a person who is capable of unthinkable evil. He’s a human being with free will. Watching this made me think about how lazy it is to label certain people as “bad” and others as “good”. In reality, every person is far too complex to be labeled as one or the other. The line between good and evil isn’t drawn between good people and bad people but, rather, it’s drawn right down the center of every human being. It’s up to us whether we embrace our good side or our dark side. The first half of I Am Not A Serial Killer was kind of so-so. It was entertaining enough but I was starting to feel like I had seen this movie many times before. I would give the first half a 7/10. It intrigued me enough that I stuck around for the second half which I adored. The second half took risks and became such a strange, enthralling viewing experience. I would give the second half a 9/10. I think maybe the fact that the first half was a bit mediocre made the second half that much better. Once this movie picks up, you’re in for a treat. There are things that happen that will blindside you. The end of the movie completely changes everything and will make you want to go back and watch it all again from a different perspective.

8/10 Really good movie!

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The Beguiled (2017)

When I found out that The Beguiled was being written and directed by Sofia Coppola I was overjoyed. I’m a huge fan of her early work, especially Lost in Translation which I think is a nearly perfect movie. I really appreciate the slower pacing of her movies, the care that is taken when it comes to developing unique and interesting relationships between the characters and the beautiful aesthetic that adds such depth to each film.

First off, this movie looks amazing. From the natural lighting to the costumes to the way that scenes are shot, everything is picturesque as most Sofia Coppola movies are. Every shot is enjoyable to look at. The fact that most scenes take place in a dark room with nothing but candlelight illuminating the characters’ faces really makes this feel like a horror movie. A very gorgeous, meticulously-crafted, subtle horror movie.

The Beguiled takes place in Virginia during the Civil War. A young girl is picking mushrooms in the forest when she comes across a wounded soldier named John McBurney. She learns that he’s fighting for the opposing side but brings him back to an all-girls seminary where she lives with six other females: Martha Farnsworth, played by Nicole Kidman, who is in charge of everything; Edwina Dabney, played by Kirsten Dunst, who is the teacher; and four other students. They agree to let him stay until he heals at which point they will turn him over to the southern soldiers. The thing is, none of these girls have come in contact with a man since the war started and having John McBurney sleeping in the same house provokes jealousy and competition between them. Everyone is infatuated with John in one way or another and I got the sense that every girl felt like he connected with them on a level that no one else did. Amy, the little girl who originally rescued him, views him as a father figure that has been absent from her life. Edwina enjoys the fact that he sees qualities in her that she doesn’t even see in herself. Carol, the lustful teenager, is won over by his good looks and sexual appeal. Actually, everyone finds him very physically attractive, even the extremely religious Miss Martha who tries to repress her fondness of him. 

I was blown away by this movie. The amount of tension building between every character kept me enthralled the entire time. There’s no music for probably the first hour or so and even when there finally is some music it’s very minimal. I enjoy when music works well with a movie but I can also appreciate a director’s decision to not use it. Music can get in the way sometimes. It can manipulate the viewer into feeling something that they wouldn’t feel otherwise. In The Beguiled, the performances are what deliver the emotional punch. Nicole Kidman is spectacular. She is able to communicate more with her eyes than some actors can with words. One of the things I love the most about The Beguiled is how ambiguous it is. No one ever says what is actually on their mind. Everyone has their own motivations but we’re never quite sure what these motivations are. There is so much unsaid and yet there is so much communicated non-verbally. I recently watched the 1971 version of The Beguiled (starring Clint Eastwood as John McBurney) and, although I enjoyed it, I found the Coppola version better. It has been said that the best way to critique a film is to make another film and I think that’s what Coppola did here. The 1971 movie is so blatant in its attempt to tell you exactly how the characters are feeling at all times that it insults the audience’s intelligence. There’s inner monologue throughout the movie where it doesn’t need to be. In one scene, one of the girls is looking at John passionately while we hear her think “I love you”. Why is this necessary? I think most people are able to recognize the look someone gives to another person when they’re in love. I think Coppola felt the same way after watching the original because her movie is polar opposite in this respect. She never tells the viewers what they should think or how they should feel. She lets us read into and interpret things however we choose.

One of the things I preferred about the original was that I thought Jo Ann Harris did a better job acting than Elle Fanning. This could be due to a better script. I just thought that the Jo Ann Harris version of Carol was more interesting. Elle Fanning was pretty good but she didn’t have much dialogue to work with. This is where Coppola’s less-is-more technique didn’t work for me.

I didn’t like the climax of this movie as much as I anticipated I would. The tension-building was perfect and I loved the majority of the movie, but I found the ending a little anticlimactic. I don’t know if it felt too rushed but it left something to be desired.

I would definitely recommend this if you enjoy a good slow-burn. It’s very creepy and, at times, horrific. It’s basically a case study on what happens when you stick a good looking male in a house with a bunch of sexually frustrated females. It touches on topics like jealousy, deception, and human nature. Like most Sofia Coppola’s movies, The Beguiled focuses more on themes rather than the plot. Maybe watch the 1971 version first and then watch this. They’re both really good movies. I still need to read the book.

8/10 Really good movie!

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Catfight (2016)

Mean-spirited. Deadpan. Hilarious. Dark. Ostentatious. Offensive. Strange. These are all words that could be used to describe this twisted, dark indie-comedy. I still have very mixed feelings about it.

Catfight is a movie lacking a true protagonist. Both of the main characters are despicable. They have zero redeeming qualities. They’re both comically self-centred and borderline psychopathic. Neither one seems to be capable of feeling love, happiness, compassion or any other positive human emotion. Just anger. A lot of anger. Veronica is the rich trophy wife and Lisa is the struggling artist. They used to be friends in college but it seems they had a falling-out of sorts. Many years later, their mutual contempt is very apparent when they cross paths at Veronica’s husband’s party where Lisa is catering.

Catfight is filled with over-the-top violence and sound-effects straight out of an old Kung fu movie. As a viewer, I grew to dislike Veronica and Lisa equally so I didn’t feel the least bit bad for either of them during the fight sequences and I wasn’t really rooting for either one either. But wow, these fight scenes are brutally violent. There are three throughout the movie, each one lasting at least 5 minutes. The violence is so exaggerated and obviously played up for comedy’s sake that I didn’t find any of it overly cringe-y (even though I’m not at all good with blood). The fighting got a little old though. It’s one of those things where the first time it’s funny and somewhat entertaining, the second time it’s funny but somewhat annoying and the third time it’s just annoying. It reminded me of the chicken fight scene in Family Guy. The longer the fight goes, the funnier it becomes because it’s so absurd that it has lasted for this long until it reaches a point where you think to yourself “okay seriously? This is just getting kind of annoying and boring”. Admittedly, I skipped the third and final fight scene in Catfight. I was more interested in seeing how the movie ended and wasn’t entertained enough to watch two grown females kick the living daylights out of each other again. That being said, the majority of this movie is really funny. The humour is very dry and the characters seem to be okay with saying whatever they are thinking at any moment without hesitation. No feelings are spared; no apologies are given. This isn’t a movie where the rich woman walks a thousand miles in the poor woman’s shoes, humbles herself and subsequently becomes a better person (although it seems like it’s going in that direction for a bit). This is a movie about two women who feel nothing but unadulterated hate for one another and there’s no line they won’t cross to ensure pain and suffering on their adversary.

The writers show no sympathy towards either Veronica or Lisa as each character goes through extremely unfortunate events in which they lose absolutely everything they care about in life. I never felt sorry for either of them, though, and I think this was the writers’ intention. We can simply sit back and objectively watch their lives fall apart as if it’s all some strange science experiment. Since Catfight is satirical, it allows us the luxury of laughing at these people’s misfortune without having to feel guilty about it. I initially thought that eventually these characters would grow through hardship and realize how heartless they were towards one another and become friends (or at least make amends). This isn’t that type of movie, though. There are moments when it seems that either Lisa or Veronica may be having a change of heart but it’s purely superficial and only to serve their self-interest. At the end of the movie, Veronica and Lisa are essentially the same people they were at the beginning, just in different circumstances.

This isn’t for everybody. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you hated this movie and never wanted to watch it again. I enjoyed it for the most part. After a while, the gimmick got a little tired but overall I found it very funny. It’s entertaining enough and quite different from any other movie I’ve seen. Don’t take this one too seriously.

7/10 Decent movie

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Punch-Drunk Love (2002)

Punch-Drunk Love was written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. I’ve enjoyed a lot of his other work, particularly There Will Be Blood, but Punch-Drunk Love struck a chord with me like few movies have. So much so that I can confidently say it’s one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. 2002 was a good year for movies (Catch Me If You Can, About Schmidt, 8 Mile, and Adaptation are some of my other favorites that came out in 2002).

This movie is so bizarre. And I mean that in the best way possible. There just aren’t enough weird romantic comedies out there. And there are way too many run-of-the-mill fill-in-the-template rom coms (The Proposal anyone?). It’s refreshing to watch something so artistically peculiar.

Barry, played by Adam Sandler, seems as though he’s constantly on the verge of having a meltdown. He’s painfully socially awkward, easily overwhelmed by external stimuli and prone to random acts of aggression. His seven sisters don’t make life easy as they are constantly on his case about every little thing. The first half hour of this film feels very claustrophobic and chaotic. It feels as though we are seeing things through Barry’s eyes. So much is happening all at once and it’s frustrating and anxiety-inducing. It’s sensory overload.

In most romantic comedies, the male is the one bending over backwards for the affection of the female he so desires. In Punch-Drunk Love, Barry is the one who is being pursued by his sister’s coworker Lena. She not only pursues him but she holds his hand through the entire dating process. It’s awesome. She comes to his workplace and asks if he would like to take her out, gives him her number and then later (after he’s already dropped her off at her apartment) tells him that he should come back up to her room and kiss her. Barry is obviously in need of this kind of assistance. He’s so wrapped up in his own insecurities that he struggles to so much as make eye contact with Lena on their first date. Lena and Barry are such an eccentric couple that it makes you want to see where things go. You want to see how this could possibly work out.

I was actually really impressed by Adam Sandler’s performance. I wish that he did more roles like this. Don’t get me wrong. I love Happy Gilmore as much as the next guy, but Adam Sandler’s talent is on full display with such a fleshed out character as Barry. He still has the same angry edge that he has in a lot of his other movies, but there’s a subtlety to this particular performance that stands out. He really tapped into something human for this one. People who dislike Adam Sandler’s other movies may be hesitant to watch this but let me assure you that this is NOTHING like the rest of his catalogue. This is a piece of art while his other movies are purely entertainment (if you can even call them that).

The soundtrack, done by Jon Bruno, is a huge part of what makes this movie so wonderful. Filled with glitchy electronics, sporadic drums and random sound effects; the music compliments the story flawlessly. My favourite track is “He Needs Me” by Shelley Duvall. When it started playing as the credits rolled I felt as though life was magic. It’s so dreamy.

There are a few scenes in Punch-Drunk Love that absolutely floored me. There’s one scene where Barry buys a whole lot of pudding to collect an absurd amount of air miles and take advantage of a marketing mistake (I realize this is nonsensical without any context but I’ll spare you the lengthy explanation). Barry is so excited about collecting enough air miles to reunite with Lena in Hawaii that he starts tap dancing in the middle of the grocery store aisle. It’s so light-hearted and quirky but it’s also one of the most impactful scenes I’ve ever seen. Partly because I was so stoked that something was finally going Barry’s way after all that he had to endure, partly because the music compliments this scene so perfectly and partly because the whole scenario is just so absurd. It’s hilarious that Paul Thomas Anderson chose to make the whole pudding thing a major part of the story. In one of my other favourite scenes, Barry is walking through the jetway, about to board the plane and reunite with Lena in Hawaii. All you see is his silhouette walking in slow motion towards a bright patch of light. It feels as though he’s walking from one dimension to another. Like he’s finally leaving behind his old life. Like he’s leaving behind his fears and insecurities. It’s the first time in his life that he knows what he wants and he’s going for it. It’s a great looking scene and it gave me goosebumps.

This movie is filled with vibrant colours. Barry wears blue the entire film and Lena wears red. These two colours are seen a lot throughout the film and likely have a lot of symbolic meaning. Between multiple scenes, a spectrum of flirtatious colours bleed into each other, smudging across the screen. It all adds to the dream-like tone.

Every once in a blue moon, I talk to someone who claims they don’t like movies. I don’t like most movies either. I have 6 movie coupons and I haven’t been to a movie in the theatre in over 6 months. There’s just nothing that I’ve wanted to see. I’m not interested in seeing another lame blockbuster action film where there are a lot of explosions and I walk out of the theatre asking myself what the point of it all was. Some people claim they don’t like movies. But I bet those people have never seen Punch-Drunk Love.

9.5/10 MASTERPIECE!

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Beauty and the Beast (2017)

I grew up with Beauty and the Beast (1991). It’s by far Disney’s best movie, in my opinion. It features some of the best Disney songs ever written like “Be Our Guest” and “Gaston”; one of the most realistic yet iconic villains of all time; and an interesting take on a classic fairytale. This was the peak of Disney cinema.

When I heard that there was a remake of Beauty and the Beast in the works, I was skeptical but curious. I had seen too many awful Disney remakes to be overly optimistic. I decided to go see it with my mom. My mom and I have quite different tastes in movies but we both like musicals so I thought this might be something we could both enjoy. Much to my chagrin, I was wrong. So very wrong. This was one of the most painful viewing experiences of my 20+ years as a movie lover. You know it’s a rotten movie when you find yourself doing math in your head to figure out how many more excruciating minutes you’ll have to endure. At one point, I even went to the bathroom just to wash my hands. I went into this movie with an open mind. I wanted to like it. I really, really hoped that this would be a decent remake and that I would, at the very least, experience a little nostalgia. The only good thing about this version is that it makes the 90’s version so much better in comparison. I wanted to watch the 90’s version immediately after watching this so that I could get the bad taste out of my mouth.

A movie like Beauty and the Beast is meant to be animated. The realm of possibility is infinite when it comes to animated film. There’s an incredibly rapid pace to the animated film that can’t be translated to live-action. That’s why, although the remake is more than a half hour longer, it feels like not as much happens. For example, there’s a scene in the animated film where Gaston snaps a belt fastened around his neck simply by flexing. Within the same scene, he juggles eggs and swallows them whole (shells and all). This is all while LeFou is bouncing around the room, almost defying the law of gravity, jumping from head to head. Because the animated film doesn’t have the same constraints that exist in the real world, it’s able to pack a whole lot into 90 minutes. Of course, I don’t expect a live-action to include this kind of cartoonish behaviour. There’s no way it could. I would’ve been content if the new movie took things in a different direction. Maybe it could’ve taken the basic premise and completely recreated the story. The problem is that Beauty and the Beast attempts to virtually replicate its predecessor and the result is embarrassing. It fails to come up with any original ideas to help it stand on its own legs as a film while simultaneously failing to recreate any of the magic and enthusiasm that made the animated one so impressive. Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland was at least original. It was a bad movie, but it was original.

Everything that made the original so good is nowhere to be seen in this remake. Emma Watson’s autotuned singing voice makes this feel like High School Musical. Autotune and 1700’s France don’t mix. They seriously couldn’t find someone who could hold a note? They should’ve had Anne Hathaway play Belle. She can at least sing. What is Emma Watson’s saving grace? Her performance in this is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. Her reaction to seeing the Beast for the first time is the same reaction I would have if someone told me that Walmart is having a 2 for 1 sale on socks. Kind of sort of surprised.

The CGI is so inconsistent. It just feels lazy and uninspired. I’m sure they had a huge budget for this movie but the Beast looks terrible. Nothing about the visuals was interesting at all. Lumiere is this gross rusty bronze and you can barely see his facial expressions half the time since his face is so hidden amongst the darker colour. Quite a contrast to the bright yellow expressive Lumiere from the animated film.

The one thing that the adaption did change was LeFou’s sexuality and it feels really awkward. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for Disney attempting to normalize homosexuality. This is set in the 1700’s though, and the fact that LeFou is so obviously gay and no one seems to mind seems a tad unrealistic. I like the fact that movies are now incorporating gay characters into movies and introducing diversity into film but this just feels out of place. Seriously. By hanging out with someone who is so proudly gay, Gaston and his buddies are more progressive than a lot of the people I know in 2017.

None of the characters were charming. None of the new songs were good. The songs from the first movie were butchered. This movie looked horrendous. The acting was amateur at best. There was nothing fun about this.

Don’t waste your time with this one.

2/10 Rotten Potato!

[joshmckenziereviews-blog]

Moonlight (2016)

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this movie since I watched it. It’s such a raw depiction of what it’s like to grow up in an environment that doesn’t accept you for who you are. Growing up in Miami isn’t easy when you’re a poor, black kid; but when you’re also toying with the idea that you might be gay, that’s when life can truly become a living hell. Moonlight is difficult to watch at times because of how poorly the main character, Chiron, is treated by both his drug-addicted mother and his classmates. I had to take a break halfway through because it was starting to make me too sad. This isn’t an especially uplifting movie but it is a believable one, and I found myself almost forgetting that the people on the screen were actors. Everything felt so real.

Despite the fact that some scenes are hard to watch, I found Moonlight very captivating and I’d say it’s the best movie I’ve seen in quite some time. The score is one of the things I love most about it. The music tugs at your heartstrings and forces you to experience Chiron's loneliness, confusion and despair all at the same time. The gentle, melancholy piano and hauntingly beautiful violins will suck you in and take your emotions to new heights. I also love the way the story is laid out. It’s split up into three parts showing Chiron in different stages of his life: child, adolescent, and full-grown man. I like this format because it gives us context. We learn how each chapter impacts Chiron’s life and how he changes. This movie is not only emotionally powerful, but it also looks incredible. The camerawork is creative and engaging. There are a lot of long takes which help make the movie feel less Hollywood. There’s one scene where Chiron is learning to swim that’s filmed partly underwater and partly above the water and it’s breathtaking. The camerawork and the effective use of color in this movie make it a treat to watch.

This is a movie about being yourself and how hard that can be in the world we live in. We see the negative effect that physical and emotional abuse has on Chiron as he grows older and how his life is still very much controlled by fear. I was initially disappointed that La La Land didn’t win Best Picture but after seeing Moonlight, I can agree that it deserved to win.

9.5/10 MASTERPIECE!

[joshmckenziereviews-blog]

Planes Trains & Automobiles (1987)

Wow. I am so thankful that this movie exists. It has been the source of so much joy for me. Steve Martin and John Candy may be the strongest comedic duo I have ever seen. The chemistry that they have with each other is unparalleled. I’ve seen this movie upwards of 30 times and I still laugh hysterically throughout. Steve Martin plays the uptight, irritable Neil Paige who, in his own words, “isn’t much of a conversationalist”. John Candy plays the blabbering, soft-hearted shower-curtain-ring-salesman Del Griffith who is “still a million bucks shy of being a millionaire”. These two characters’ paths meet and they end up enjoying/loathing each others’ company while trying to get back home to their respective families in time for Thanksgiving dinner.

We learn very quickly that Neil isn’t very good at expressing how he feels. He internalizes his frustration which leads to multiple outbursts where he verbally attacks Del. Planes Trains & Automobiles is a superior film on more than one level. It not only makes me laugh like few movies do, but it forces me to re-examine myself. When watching Neil and Del interact, I find that I see more of myself in Neil but that I like Del better as a person. From the outside looking in, it’s easy to like Del. He makes us laugh from our La-Z-Boy recliners and we know that, although he lacks self-awareness, he means well. If we were forced to endure a cross-country trip with Del Griffith in real life, I suspect we would have a harder time being so understanding. As the movie progresses, Neil becomes more and more empathic. By hanging out with someone who is different than him in almost every way, he is given new life experiences and a fresh perspective. I feel challenged to love people who are drastically different from me even when I feel agitated by a clash in personality. We don’t exist on this earth solely to reap the benefits that others can provide. We need to pour love into those who are the hardest to love. Because it’s usually those who are the hardest to love that need love the most.

I feel warm inside when I watch this. It’s arguably John Hughes’ best work (I would say either this or Breakfast Club). I’m so sad that John Candy isn’t with us anymore. He was the most loveable person. He was just a big loveable teddy bear. I just want to hug him. There are multiple scenes in Planes Trains where he had me on the verge of tears. In an extended dialogue, Del explains to Neil that he likes himself and isn’t changing for anyone. The emotion that Candy brings to this scene is incredible. We truly feel compassion for his character. In a hilarious scene, Del pretends to play piano on his dashboard while listening to “Mess Around” by Ray Charles on the radio. It’s scenes like these that make us love John Candy. Mostly known for being a “wild and crazy guy” in his stand-up routines, Steve Martin plays the role of straight man flawlessly. He gives a very restrained performance but his comedic genius is particularly apparent in a scene where he attempts to rent a car and loses his mind completely.

This movie is a perfect combination of humor and heart and I’m still not sick of it.

9.5/10 MASTERPIECE

[joshmckenziereviews-blog]

Adaptation (2002)

This is one of those rare movies that I would watch twice (or more) in one sitting. It has everything I could ask for in a movie and more. What makes it so great? Nicolas Cage. Man can this guy ever act. People like to talk trash about him because he’s been in SO many stinkers but, even though he does have a tendency to overact, he is one of the most talented human beings on this planet. He’s definitely on my Mount Rushmore. As good as Meryl Streep is, Cage is the reason that I keep on coming back for more. He acts as both Charlie Kaufmann and Charlie Kaufmann’s fictional twin brother Donald Kaufmann. Although there’s not much visually that sets the two characters apart, we are able to differentiate between the two because of Cage’s commitment to each character and their polar opposite personalities (Charlie is anxious and self-loathing while Donald is fun-loving and charismatic).

This movie is so fun and you never quite know where it’s headed. It’s a roller coaster. And unlike comparing movies to roller coasters, it is anything but cliche. There are two scenes in this movie that stand out to me as being exceptionally brilliant. One scene includes a man describing how the process of pollination is analogous to how human beings should treat their passions. In the other scene, Donald says to his brother “you are what you love, not what loves you”. This script is flawless; there are so many memorable quotes.

This movie is great because the characters are so relatable that it’s heartbreaking. Those who struggle with social anxiety and/or overthinking will find Charlie Kaufmann particularly compelling and anyone who has ever longed to be intensely passionate about something will be able to relate to Meryl Streep’s character. On the surface, this is a movie about writer’s block but there are so many layers to it and it gets better with every watch. I can’t say enough good things about this movie. I’m just fanboying now. GO SEE IT. Rating: 9.5/10 MASTERPIECE