journalingbitch

[journalingbitch]

poison fed from a silver spoon still kills you

even if it tastes sweet like cherries

even when they say they love you while you swallow

hug you while you gasp for air

cry once you stop breathing

[journalingbitch]

you didn't start the fire, but you did look away when it was lit. and when the flames were licking up my legs, i tried asking you for help.

you tried too, you did.

but you only had a bucket when you needed a firetruck. it simply wasn't enough.

the help was a phone call away, instead you poured gasoline and then blamed it all on me; all your wasted efforts, all of my pain.

i was already engulfed by flames

and there are people drowning.

[journalingbitch]

white tulips can belong to you, but can i please have the rest of what i gave you back?

[journalingbitch]

i know your mother's favorite shade of lipstick

i know the way your father's eyes crinkle when he smiles

i know the name of your brother's wife

i know when you and your twin moved into different rooms

i know how you fear going to that place because of him

i know that you used to care for me too

i will never know what made you resent me

[journalingbitch]

and just like that,

i'm looking at your ghost

i show you mine, too

i see you, i say

you see me, you say

[journalingbitch]

it feels like a curse

to be loved by you

talking to you calms me down

it tames the turmoils of my soul,

turns them into a motionless ocean

but it's not fair

because the cause of them

seems to almost always be you, too

you are the antidote

and you are the poison

and i fear i cannot live,

without being loved by you

[journalingbitch]

every good thing in my life has been tainted by the memory of you

[journalingbitch]

maybe in another life

i won't have to beg for your love

the way you beg me to be gone

and we will be fine

maybe you'll love me

if we try a second time

-a daughter

[journalingbitch]

I braid the flowers together

To make one single crown

And wear it on my head

I put the pale lilac petals

Against the brown of my hair

And suddenly I can't frown,

My heart seems to mend,

The moment feels so gentle

-a girl

[journalingbitch]

Today I woke up early,

Minutes before my alarm went off,

And sleepily, I got ready

And for the first time since long

The sun was out, shining,

Telling me good morning

- a human

[journalingbitch]

and time can always heal ya if you let it make its way into your bones