jumpingmountains

[jumpingmountains]

More from my glass animals series~

Funny story, when I was looking up references for hermit crabs, I saw some photos of man-made transparent shells for these lil guys. What a surreal world we live in :D Art imitates life imitates art imitates ad infinitum.

[jumpingmountains]

More from my glass animals series~

Funny story, when I was looking up references for hermit crabs, I saw some photos of man-made transparent shells for these lil guys. What a surreal world we live in :D Art imitates life imitates art imitates ad infinitum.

[jumpingmountains]

Concept Art – The Scribe – Body Types

HOLY HECK WE GOT A LIL BIT OF CONCEPT ART! Namely, concepting for options that’ll be available for the player-character, whom I will generally refer to as The Scribe. Today we got body types; because man am I sick of every RPG casting you either as a muscular many man man or a whispy lil waif. So we got a few different shapes, as well as the ability to toggle various other features [breasts, ambiguous penis bulge] on and off. 

Next up: Faces.

[jumpingmountains]

I've been silent because we have been spending time with a loved one who was battling #leukemia but sadly that battle ended early Sunday morning. We were all with her gathered at home where she wanted to pass. I'm glad she's no longer in pain. She was a huge trooper.

Her last wishes were for everyone to think positive and if wanting to honor her memory to donate blood, plasma or platelets cause before this battle she didn't realize how important those things are for others to survive.

If you read this and want to help honor a wonderful woman I highly encourage you donate. It's quick easy and painless. I did it many years ago but I no longer qualify cause I had cancer in 2017 plus all the drugs I'm currently on.

I've been doing my best to honor her wishes and memory. I'm just plagued by the fact I had to leave the room and during that time she passed and I wasn't there for her son, my boyfriend. She was surrounded by her husband, her daughter, her son, her brother and her sister in law.

I watched my first mother in law die many years ago in 2008. I wasn't married to her son but to me she was my mother in law. But it just plagues me I wasn't there in that crucial moment. What is done is done.

I'm just truly glad she can be in peace. She held on so long and she just really needed to know we would all be okay cause she was so worried about us.

[jumpingmountains]

1-17-2021 has been a tough day. Tougher is I'm still fighting for benefits even though days like this prove I wouldn't keep a job.

I woke up in severe pain. Unable to get out of bed till 1pm. My whole body just hurt but my back and hip were the worse.

Luckily I have an amazing and loving boyfriend who massaged my back and got me some food.

If I had a job I would have been severely late or not in at all and this is just one day and half the day.

The seconds half of my day my GI issues hit. If I moved or stood I would be in the bathroom sick. Took 2 hours for my meds to kick in and not have me in the bathroom. But sadly fixing the first problem triggered my other half of my GI issues. So back to the bathroom. I spent almost 4 hours running to the bathroom. No employer would accept that.

This was just my chronic back pain and GI. Never mind my other issues. Ugh.

[jumpingmountains]

For 7 months I've been learning how to deal with gastroparesis and the issues that come with it. Last night I did everything I could to avoid triggers and I did!!! Then this morning dispite my efforts i failed. I'm miserably sick atm

[jumpingmountains]

Seams and stitches basics

For those who want to kick off 2021 by learning how to fix, mend or sew your own clothes without a sewing machine

[jumpingmountains]

Back in 2009 I watched my first mother in law die of thyroid cancer. She still had teenage children. I was actually 18 and engaged to her son. The whole family gathered with her that night. Even her Ex husband and his new wife who drove like a mad man an hour away. We staid wjy her, talked with her and she peacefully passed slightly after falling asleep with her teenage daughter laying next to her. I am grateful I got the time I did with her. She was a wonderful sweet woman with a beautiful heart. Her son and I were together from 2007 to 2011. We didn't work out in the end.

A year ago I lost my 2nd mother in law. We were not on the best of terms. Her son and I got married in 2012. Not long after we met in 2011 almost a year. I loved that man so much. My relationship with my 2nd mother in law went down hill when my husband died. We were living with then because we had just moved back to my husbands state from my home state. They wanted him back and we made an arrangement to stay with them till we got our own place. Sadly my husband died. When that happened my in laws went a little crazy. I don't blame them. Your not supposed to out live your kids especially not your youngest who died at the age of 23. They kicked me outb making me homeless.

It took me a long while to recover from my husbands death. I'm not even fully recovered really. It also took awhile to meet another man who accepted my love and sadness for my husband and realized I could still love again. We met in 2017. We have had quite the wild ride. When I met him his mom was going through cancer. I instantly grew to love her. She isv sweet, kind, and has an amazing heart. That same year just 5 months after meeting her son I got diagnosed with my own cancer. She had her surgery and I had 4. We both became cancer free close to the same time.

In 2018 my health took a terrible turn. A combination of my bad luck and bad genes came to a head and caused my working days to come to a screeching hault in my late 20s. As a teen i suspected it would happen but I fought it as long as I could. Even now 2 years later this wonderful man I met on 2017 is still with me after being hit with my health on top of his moms shortly after meeting.

Now the year 2019 comes around. Things had been going good except my health stuff. In the fall my mother in law (her son and I have plans to get married. We have promise rings but we put that all on hold with my long extensive treatment and testing due to health) got diagnosed with cancer again. Not the same cancer but blood cancer caused by the chemo from her last cancer. Normally it takes years for that to potentially happen but in her case not so. She has battled hard. Even did a bone marrow transplant this year (2020) but sadly her body rejected it. She was getting treatment to set her up for a 2nd transplant but her cancer is running rampant, not responding to chemo. We got the news she can die any day now.

I have so many wild feelings brewing. losing another wonderful woman who I care for more than my own mother just kills me on the inside. She's not even 60. Why must the good of heart die so young? I know these raw emotions are a mix of PTSD from my other in laws, the 1st yr anniversary of my grandfather dying from stage 4 cancer, my own uselessness and what's going on with my current mother in law.

My motto is life is life we must keep moving isn't helping me much in this situation at all.

[jumpingmountains]

bonds forged

[jumpingmountains]

I'm high emotions today. My grandfathers death anniversary is definitely messing with me a lot. I literally got angry about inequality in our household and I don't even know if its an over reaction or not. I'm so emotional I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable or not. I hate not knowing if I am reacting appropriately to the situation. Its already hard with my IEED but its a lot worse when emotions are amplified.

[jumpingmountains]

This year marked a wild journey for the whole world. During this world journey we have all had to endure our own journeys on top of that.

7 months ago I began a life altering journey with something I had never heard of not even during my diet and nutrition studies in college to become a nutritionist.

I'm a foodie who basically can't eat food anymore. I'm not 100% diagnosed with gastroparesis aka GP because I'm waiting on a gastric emptying test but 4 of my Drs are 99% sure I have gastroparesis.

I started studing nutrition and exercise so I could get my degree and help people with disabilities and low income learn how to eat healthier even in those kinds of conditions

I come from a low income family as well as main providers disabled which was my driving force

Yet here I am stumbling through GP like someone who has no knowledge or education in the dietary field

I swear if I can go back and get my degree I'll also put a main focus on GP patients too cause holy hell is GP a horrendous roller coaster when alone and even worse with a leader who can't guide or help ya

[jumpingmountains]

Beautiful

Pumpkin cat commission

[jumpingmountains]

I'm approaching the 1 yr mark of my Grandfathers death anniversary. Brings back my anger at my step grandmother and makes me crave Dark Chocolate Milkyways.

My family told my grandfather that his wife didn't care about him. He disagreed. We told him she would abandon him. He disagreed. His biggest fear was dying alone.

Sure enough he drove himself into the ground to put a roof over her head. (She was 10 yrs younger than him. The day after they got married she mysteriously lost her job and couldn't find another). He worked big rigs. Black top during the spring and summer and oil rigs in the winter. Living in the northeast it was one of the better seasonal work for a man who only made it to 8th grade and could only read and write his own name.

He battled lung cancer for 4 yrs. As his health declines she would leave him alone. She started seeing a guy behind his back once he couldn't even walk on his own. When his health really took a turn and he needed care she abandoned him at her parents house.

They had to call hospice to bring him to the hospital. She never visited him and she never told us. The only way I found any of this out was his sister who cared staid on top of knowing where he was and what was going on.

In the hospital on his death bed she told the nurses not to let his family visit him.

My Grandmother, his Ex, the biggest hearted woman I have ever known snuck down. She's half blind, half deaf, wheel chair bound, unable to drive. She would get up at 4 am. Catch a 6 am bus to ride 39 miles from Randolph VT to Hanover NH to sit with him till final bus back to Randolph.

At this point he couldn't talk cause of his stage 4 lung cancer and his weakened state.

On one of her visits she called me on speaker phone. It broke me to be 2400 miles away unable to go up to NH for him. I talked to him letting him know I loved and missed him and knew he loved me too. I told him it was okay and I was thinking of him. He was a quiet man with few words so our conversations were never long anyways.

After 2 or 3 visits some how his bitch wife found out my grandmother was visiting. She had my grandmother removed from his room. He died alone that night because the bitch wouldn'tb let anyone visit even though my grandmother travelled 39 miles to support her Ex, the father of her only child.

He died Dec 27th 2019. I found out through the grape line. 2 hrs later his wife called me to tell me and I lost my shit on her. She tried saying she was prepping for him to come home cause they said he could which I knew was bullshit because he was barely alive in hospice on machines. She tried to play it that she had her own problems that trumped visiting her dying husband. I chewed her out and hung up.

I'm a widow myself. I'm 29 and my husband died 8 yrs ago. If I could have been there no matter my situation I would have been there for him so he wouldn't die alone.

The selfish bitch and him dying alone cause of her just boils my blood.

On the positive note. The reason I crave dark chocolate milkyways is cause growing up my grandfather lived with us. He had low blood sugar issues. Every night once he came home from black toping. He would heat up his dinner that my mom left in the microwave for him. I would sit with him while he ate. After dinner he would go in his room and grab 2 milkyways for dessert. Giving me one. We would just sit together and enjoy. No words. Just each other's company.

I truly hope he's at piece. I don't want him angry and haunting his ex wife. Not worth it.

[jumpingmountains]

**Warning**

This Tumblr is a place to journal and share my feelings and experiences. People have told me I should write a book about my life. I'm unsure about that but sharing here is a start. Talking about what I'm thinking and feeling helps so much. Things I talk about might reach into some dark places people don't like to hear about. I have suffered through a lot of trauma caused by people in my life so if you don't want to hear about dark things avoid any posts that have warning at the top