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Got into tgcf recently

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Thinking about how the poor farmer leaving behind his bamboo hat for Xie Lian, and restoring his faith in humanity, parallels the way Xie Lian left behind the red umbrella for Hua Cheng and restored his faith in existence

Thinking about how both acts of small kindness saved two souls from ruin

Thinking about how both XL and HC later used those items to shelter each other

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I thought about all those scenes where A-Qiao let his guard down for one reason or another and just slept next to Yan Wushi. And then the idea to draw sleeping Yan Wushi was born

So, yeah, here we have probably the most dangerous man in the jianghu just peacefully resting next to his sweetheart 😳

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Just finished reading Thousand Autumns, so I thought I’d share my random thoughts while it’s still fresh in my mind

Spoilers for the entire series ahead

- We finally have the answer to the age old question of what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object—you get whatever the fuck Shen Qiao and Yan Wushi have going on

- I hate to admit that I was also made a fool by Yan Wushi’s book 2 betrayal; not my dumbass thinking Shen Qiao was actually getting through to him (and speaking of, the AUDACITY to call that chapter ‘friends,’ I was fuming)

- Shen Qiao overall is such a goddamn king—he’s such a likable protagonist, I think precisely because he is so patient and kind yet can be so unflinchingly resolute and ruthless (and just downright badass) when the situation calls for it

- Shen Qiao’s inner monologue is absolutely hysterical—especially during book 3 when he seriously considers knocking Yan Wushi unconscious almost every time that man opens his mouth

- It was also incredibly satisfying to see Yan Wushi suffer the consequences of his own actions for a good while once he caught feelings; like yeah of course Shen Qiao’s not gonna believe you’re being sincere now you asshole

- Shen Qiao is best father—istg every time a child appears in his general vicinity it leads to the sweetest interactions, I was damn near tearing up when he accepted Shiwu as a disciple and when he risked everything to save Dou Yan and Yuwen Song from Chang’an; absolutely heartwarming

- A little disappointed Shen Qiao didn’t get to kill Sang Jingxing himself, but I’ll settle for (presumably) Bai Rong having the honor to kill that bitch

- And speaking of Bai Rong she annoyed me to no end in the beginning, but by the end when someone claimed she used her ‘womanly wiles’ to obtain the sect leader’s position—damn was I ready to throw hands because they did not just insult my girl like that

- Bian Yanmei and Yu Shengyan essentially becoming Yan Wushi’s unwilling wingmen at the end was hysterical, especially when the entire time they’re like ‘there’s no way Shizun actually like likes him right?’

- Yanshen definitely aren’t winning any awards for most functional relationship, but goddamn do they make a terrifying couple—the two strongest martial artists in the world, one of whom managed the impossible by stirring the Demon Lord’s notoriously callous heart—like what is anyone even supposed to do against these two?

- From my reading I don’t think Shen Qiao ever actually forgives Yan Wushi; he accepts that what’s past is past because at some point he comes to the realization that he can’t imagine a future without this man in it

- I think this story was so interesting to me because of the very simple idea that life happens; it’s wild, it’s a rollercoaster and a half, and it crashes into you in ways that you can never fully predict no matter who you are or how steadfast your beliefs (Shen Qiao and Yan Wushi both get caught off guard by their feelings for one another—they never would have expected that they would eventually grow attached to the other)

Anyway that’s enough of my rambling for now, just wanted to share some thoughts I had while reading and after completing the series

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Beautifully worded—Ash made a choice, but that choice wasn’t to die, it was to hold onto Eiji’s love, his one true peace and happiness, and to find comfort in it when he was utterly exhausted and hurting

A choice to say that Eiji’s kindness meant more to him than anything, that his pain was second to that unconditional love that he so completely surrounded himself with in his final moments

Peace, at Last

It happens to me quite often, seeing people call Ash’s death a suicide. Saying that he wanted to die, that in some way, he chose it.

And honestly, I find myself agreeing with them. At least a little.

Ash was tired. God, he was so tired. Not just in his body, but down to his soul—tired in a way that no amount of sleep, safety, or even love could fully heal. He had fought for so long, survived for so long, clawed his way out of hell again and again, only to find that peace was always just a little bit further, just a little bit out of reach. Even when freedom was right there, he was too exhausted to chase after it anymore.

I don’t think Ash sought death in the traditional sense. I don’t think it was hopelessness, exactly. I don’t think it was the desperate self-destruction of someone who wanted to disappear, nor was it despair.

It was surrender.

It was laying down his sword, finally, after a lifetime of fighting battles that no boy, no teenager, no person should have ever had to fight. It was choosing, in those final moments, to sit with Eiji’s letter—the one thing in his whole life that had been purely good—and letting it be enough. Letting himself be enough, for once.

It wasn’t about giving up in bitterness. It wasn’t about hatred. It was a kind of soft resignation. After everything, he was finally giving himself permission to stop.

Ash’s death wasn’t just another act of violence. It wasn’t another defeat. It wasn’t just loss. It was, in its quietest way, an act of reclaiming. Reclaiming even the smallest shred of agency that the world had ripped from his hands over and over again.

It was Ash, who had been used, hunted, abandoned, and brutalized, finally deciding: This is where I stop. This is enough.

And no—it doesn’t make it fair. It doesn’t undo the tragedy of it. It doesn’t make the grief any easier to carry.

But it’s comforting, in a way, to think that at least in those final moments, he had a choice. Maybe not in how or when or why the end came. But in the way he met it.

We’ll never really know what was going through Ash’s head when he chose to stay in that library instead of calling for help. We’ll never know if he even had a real chance of surviving, or if the wound Lao gave him was already fatal, something no ambulance could have saved him from.

But what we do know is what he chose to do with the time he had left.

He chose peace.

He chose to stop.

He chose to hold onto love, instead of fear.

And in a life that had been defined by cruelty, by survival, by endless brutal choices made for him—that one, tiny choice? That mattered.

That was everything.

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"Body in the abyss, heart in paradise."

Yesterday I finished reading tgcf and I HAD to draw my lovely little traumatised boy, let me make him happy and in peace, he deserves it.

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Imma take a moment to point out the fact that amidst all the hands reaching out to stab Xie Lian, you can see one reaching out offering the bamboo hat, and one holding a flower (Wuming baby 🥺). I am not okay guys 😭

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hate J K Rowling button. love asexuals button.

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Can we talk about Ruoye for a second.

Like, it’s a sweet, wholesome, playful little spirit that loves Xie Lian to pieces, yet its backstory is so fucked up. It only came to life because of the horrible evil acts it was used to commit, and I’m just thinking that poor baby Ruoye has got to be just as traumatized as Xie Lian. The book notes that in its very first moments, it doesn’t understand the suffering that birthed it, but I hardly think that means Ruoye wasn’t aware of what caused it to gain consciousness. It was a lil baby spirit, so it just didn’t understand the implications yet.

And Ruoye had the misfortune of coming to life during Xie Lian’s worst moments. Of course it wasn’t XL’s fault, but it still hurts that Ruoye, innocent little spirit that it was, just wanted love from the person it saw as its creator and wasn’t able to get it. My guess is Ruoye probably quickly understood the circumstances surrounding its birth because of XL’s initial attitude towards it. I almost imagine it had to feel some sort of guilt for its part, albeit involuntary, in XL’s suffering.

However. As we know, no matter what mistakes Xie Lian made in the past, he ultimately chose kindness. I cannot imagine how painful it must have been for him to see Ruoye for a while, given what it must have reminded him of, yet he welcomed and cared for it regardless. He gave it the love that it so desperately wanted. And I can’t get over that. He realized that no matter how much pain Ruoye had caused him, it wasn’t the little spirit’s fault. In a way, I can draw parallels between that and Xie Lian’s treatment of Hong Hong’er, who he always took care of no matter how much others warned him that he would cause misfortune. Xie Lian ignored the warnings because Hong Hong’er didn’t deserve to be punished for something he had no control over. He deserved to be loved like anyone else.

Now, the scene that really got me thinking about all this? When Jun Wu uses Ruoye to tie up Xie Lian in Quan Yizhen’s palace, Ruoye is distraught. I don’t think that is purely because it has been tied into knots, as is explained in the book, but also because of the resurfacing trauma of again being used to hurt Xie Lian, whom it loves so much. And again, like little ghost fire Hua Cheng, it can do nothing about it.

All this to say, I love precious little Ruoye and I love the relationship it has with Xie Lian even more. Despite the trauma and pain, they found companionship in each other, choosing to love. It’s like, one of, if not the main theme, of TGCF, and I never realized how much Ruoye, with all its parallels to Hua Cheng, embodies that.

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Some wholesome lesbian beefleaf for the soul because my babies deserve to be happy <3

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Ahhhh my poor beefleaf-loving heart 😭

This idea is so painful but so sweet at the same time, but isn’t that just beefleaf in a nutshell?

Every year, for the mid autumn festival, the crown prince of xianle is undefeated in the number and grandeur of thousands of glittering lanterns lifting to the sky in his honor. All the doing of crimson rain sought flower - and the god's growing number of believers.

But it seems that, without explanation, every year, 523 lanterns are lit for a god that has fallen. The number is always exact, but the god it is offered to has long disappeared. It is a great mystery.

"Palace of the Wind Master... 523 lanterns."

There is nobody to rejoice about it.

From a dark patch of sea, of grief, loss and bitterness, every year, 523 lanterns rise to the skies.

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In my crying over beefleaf era where every couple weeks I will reread sections of the Black Water arc (in which I find some new line I somehow missed before that hits like a gut punch) or a beefleaf fanfic and end up sobbing because I love both Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan so much, mxtx why did you have to do them like that

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Ok FIRST OF ALL I fucking love Dramaturgy it’s one of my favorite songs, and SECOND OF ALL you made the aesthetic fit KhunBam so well, like this is beautiful, Khun cutting the strings that imprisoned Viole when he was essentially a puppet under FUG, represented by the eyes in the background, AH everything is perfection

Dramaturgy

3rd entry for @/apotelesma_tog fanzine

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HOCKNEY APPRECIATION FINALLY I love him so much ty op for this beautiful artwork

hockney from tog bc i love him to BITS 😌🙏🙏🙏

also sorry it’s messy as balls ong 💀

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Perfection

:))

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I know, it really is no wonder 😭 Poor baby Hong Hong’er, course he would never be able to let go of the one person who went out of their way to show him that he mattered, that he had a place in the world, that he was deserving of kindness

Can you imagine being little Hong Hong'er, always bullied and picked on and told how hated you are and at your lowest point in your short, tragic life so far, the man that saved you, now become a gracious god, reveals himself to you, to tell you to keep on living, to tell you he's there for you and that your existence isnt cursed even though everybody says so? To let you know he can feel your devotion and faith?

And can you imagine later growing up, seeing this same wonderful man go through tragedies that nobody else would have been able to endure, remembering his kindness and seeing it be used as a reason for torment - and then later, perhaps upon ascension or any other means, learning that it is forbidden for heavenly beings to reveal themselves to mortals?

No wonder Hua Cheng loved him for 800 years