justishmaelthings

[justishmaelthings]

sorry I wasn’t paying attention I was gaydreaming

[justishmaelthings]

i’m not AMAB or AFAB, i’m AHAB and i have to kill this fuckin whale

[justishmaelthings]

Whales are gay now

[justishmaelthings]

Man, I love Queequeg. 

hahAH oh boY, wOW. That beautiful man was taken from this cruel world toO SOOn

I will remember our time together fondly. Good night, my sweet prince.

[justishmaelthings]

Those nights keeping look-out for the white whale in the crow’s nest were only made bearable by the beauty of the ocean around me. 

(That, and I had ample time to think about a certain Pagan whaler without the interruptions of the crew)

[justishmaelthings]

Thank f*cking god. About time I got away from that crazy-ass Ahab.

[justishmaelthings]

What can I say, it’s my passion. I was thinking I’d write a book, but it’d be 3 books and in those 3 books there’d be 3 separate parts, and within those there would be separate types of whales, described in more elaborate detail than you ever wanted.

[justishmaelthings]

“Upon waking next morning about daylight, I found Queequeg's arm thrown over me in the most loving and affectionate manner. You had almost thought I had been his wife...I could tell that Queequeg was hugging me...For though I tried to move his arm- unlock his bridegroom clasp- yet, sleeping as he was, he still hugged me tightly, as though naught but death should part us twain... he treated me with so much civility and consideration, while I was guilty of great rudeness; staring at him from the bed, and watching all his toilette motions; for the time my curiosity getting the better of my breeding. Nevertheless, a man like Queequeg you don't see every day, he and his ways were well worth unusual regarding.”

No homo though.

Well, actually, no. Full homo. He was so cute then. 

[justishmaelthings]

I can’t talk about this without beginning to tear up. The ONLY reason I survived was because of this coffin. I would have died. Pip had nothing on me.

At least he lived on in a way. Because it was his coffin, and the markings on it symbolized him. So in a way, he’ll live as long as the coffin does. Which will be forever, so long as I have anything to do with it. (No, it’s not weird that I sleep in that coffin instead of a bed. We were bosom friends. Get over yourself)

[justishmaelthings]

I don’t even want to talk about this. That dang ivory leg caused my whole world to be turned upside down. Made me lose my soul mate. That leg killed too many good men. And some bad ones, but that’s not the point.

[justishmaelthings]

It was actually the coolest thing, being surrounded by a bunch of whales. They were all doing their own thing, being the best whales they could be. So sweet, so pure. Was it a mating ground? I mean, yes, but the babies were adorable.

[justishmaelthings]

The thing about this stupid f-ing whale is that we sailed the entire freaking ocean trying to find it. We’d come across countless other ships who had seen this asshole. One of them even had a similar experience to A-crazy-hab. We were somehow always behind this piece of shit because it was everywhere, and yet nowhere at the same goddamn time. And don’t even get me started about the whale that wrecked the Essex. Did you see In The Heart Of The Sea? That thing freaking followed them. It’s sole purpose (more like it’s soul porpoise) was to make them miserable literally everywhere they went.

[justishmaelthings]

Big Richard (Emergency Room AU)

The emergency room was eerily quiet; the only sound was from the receptionist who sat at the front desk, tapping away at their computer profusely. Richard looked around the room, observing its few occupants. In one corner sat a middle-aged man with a knife protruding from his stomach. One would think they wouldn’t have him just sitting in the emergency room while he’s clearly been stabbed, but he appeared to be fine. When Richard walked into the room and noticed him, the man pointed to the knife and made some joke about taking Romeo and Juliet a little too seriously. Then there was the elderly woman with a young child sitting a few seats away from him. The woman had an arrow sticking out of her foot as the child happily scribbled away in a coloring book which seemed to have a Robin Hood theme. On the other side of the room was a college aged student who for some reason refused to sit down, even when one of the nurses had insisted that he should. Richard didn’t really want to know what was wrong with him. The only other people left in the room were Richard, or “Big Richard” as his friends called him, and his uncle Ishmael who had been writing something for the past half hour. It was rather ridiculous since he insisted on only using old parchment paper and a quill to do his writing, despite the fact that it was 2015 and Richard’s parents had given him a laptop for Christmas. How the man ever got his books published without a computer was a complete mystery. Richard began contemplating asking the kid if he could borrow some of their crayons when his uncle looked up from his writing.

“What I don’t understand is how you two can be so stupid,” he began, looking both confused and frustrated.

“We’re not stupid! Or at least I’m not stupid,” Richard fired back. Ishmael pointed to Richard’s forehead where blood was slowly dripping out from underneath the band-aid they had quickly thrown on before leaving the house.

“Oh really?” Ishmael raised an eyebrow, ready for his nephew to challenge him.

“Yeah,” Richard said with determination, “And it’s not my fault anyways. Ahab was the one who threw dad’s old harpoon at me!”

“Yes, but had you not been making fun of your cousin’s prosthetic leg, he wouldn’t have felt the need to do that.” Ishmael put his quill down on the empty chair next to him and turned to face his nephew.

“Really? This is my fault? He threw a freaking weapon at my face!” Richard began to fume at his uncle as the room’s inhabitants listened in on their conversation. The receptionist seemed particularly entranced, as they pulled out a bag of popcorn from behind the desk and began to eat it.

“Richard,” Ishmael started, “You’re the reason he has the leg in the first place.”

“That wasn’t my fault.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No,” Richard muttered, “He was beating me up.”

Ishmael bristled. “So you decided the only logical solution would be to push him into a wood chipper?” At that, there was a chorus of “oh my god”’s, “who would do such a thing”’s, “oh snap”’s and even a “Grammy, I broke my crayon” from their captivated audience. The two turned to look at them before turning back to each other. “See, they get it,” yelled Ishmael. Richard sank into his seat, trying to hide the look of embarrassment on his face. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I’m sorry,” whispered Richard as he slid further into the chair, attempting to make himself as small as possible. Seeing this, his uncle softened almost instantly. He reached out and settled his hand on Richard’s shoulder.

“Look, I get it. Your cousin can be a bit,” Ishmael paused, searching for the right word.

“Evil? Hellish?” Suggested Richard.

“I was going to say unbearable,” continued Ishmael, “The point is, he has a tendency of being slightly mean to other people.”

“Slightly mean?” Interrupted Richard, “He’s cruel!”

“Okay, fine. Yes, he can be cruel. And he likes to overreact about everything, so I understand your frustration,” Ishmael explained as Richard looked up at him. “Last week he put a hole in my wall trying to hammer a coin into it.” He paused, thinking, “He does also seem to have deep seeded resentment towards you,” Richard began to open his mouth but Ishmael stopped him, “But it’s only because you made the boy lose his damn leg.”

“I didn’t try to push him into the wood chipper,” defended Richard.

“I know that,” said Ishmael, “but he doesn’t. And regardless of your intentions, he’s now short of one leg. That doesn’t excuse him throwing a harpoon in your direction, but it does make sense.” He paused again, rubbing his beard. “You to need to make amends. This little feud of yours is getting ridiculous. When I get home, I’m going to have a talk with Ahab, and then maybe tomorrow you can get together, with supervision of course, and try to work this out. Because I swear, if you two don’t stop your fighting, uncle Queequeg won’t be the one using that coffin he made.”

Richard gulped. “Fine. I’ll talk to him. But if he kills me, I hope you know it’s your fault.” The other patients all stood up and began applauding them. Richard and Ishmael, flattered, bowed to their adoring fans. The others sat down satisfied. Even the college student who had been standing before was so caught up in the emotions that he sat down too, and upon reaching the chair, let out a loud yelp. Ignoring him, the old woman turned to uncle Ishmael and asked them for their names.

“Well, that’s Richard,” smiled Ishmael, “And you can call me Ishmael.”

[justishmaelthings]

Okay. I understand that killing whales for our own monetary profit is bad. I get that, believe me, I do. But when he picks up that harpoon and carefully awaits our prey, oh boy, do I lose it. There’s just so much skill. So much precision. So much hotness. Then the beast is next to the boat and he’s lifting the weapon above his head, and I don’t know if I’m covered in sweat or ocean spray. I always end up just sitting there, encapsulated by his rippling muscles and supreme manliness as he launches the rod into the air and towards the whale. And thank god that’s when all of the yelling and orders really begin, because if it wasn’t, I’m not sure I’d ever stop staring at that beautiful man. 

Watching him do his thing, it makes it all worth it. We may be driving whales to the point of extinction, but so long as he’s the one doing it, it doesn’t matter.

[justishmaelthings]

Call me Ishmael.

[justishmaelthings]

Looking at you, Fedellah.

[justishmaelthings]

Pour Pip. He’s only a boy. 

Kid fell off the boat while we were all out on a hunt. Didn’t find him again until about two hours later. He’s gone mad, but the Captain has taken him under his wing. He claims he speaks the truth. If Ahab’s right, then I suppose it’s true: you can’t know everything; the truth will destroy you.