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And ANOTHER ONE.
Either biting the dust, or whatever DJ Khaled was referring to. Either way here we are gathered today.
I believe in coincidences and I’m for sure a that’s a sign girl (I told you all that in my first blog ever,) so when I heard this song come on the radio while I was at work I just knew it was meant for me to do something with it.
As I heard, “
Listen as your day unfolds.
Challenge what the future holds, try and keep your head up to the sky.
Lovers, they may cause you tears. Go ahead, release your fears. Stand up and be counted, don't be 'shamed to cry. You gotta be…”
I immediately got teary eyed because for one, a part of nostalgia had been unlocked from my memory bank. For two I was having a really rough day and lastly you know I hate when someone other than me reads me for filth.
“You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard
You gotta be tough
You gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool
You gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know
Love will save the day”
I mean, I write daily affirmations all the time. Say them all the time. Not really sure if I 100% believe them in this moment and maybe that’s the problem at hand. What causes that? Doubt. Fear. Anxiety. Some days are tougher than others. My weakness have actual names. Lack of something right?
But all in all I know love does indeed keep me together. (Hopefulness too.)
“Time asks no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning
Can't stop it if you try to
The best part is danger staring you in the face…”
I like to always look up different points of views of the songs I post about because different strokes for different folks, but I’m glad to know I wasn’t alone with this one.
“This song is about love and about life, but it's mostly about you and the way you must choose to live your life. Life is difficult, but you can face it up and make decisions, otherwise, life will go on without asking your opinion and you'll float downstream instead of swimming in the direction you want to. People may press you in many ways, but you have to stand up and choose your own way. Love may be hard and make you suffer, but love is what will make your life worth living. So basically, the message of this song is: you're in a tough life, but be strong and look for love, that's what will bring life into this darkness.”
Whatever love is for you. Being as many songwriters have told us, love can mean so many things. (I know the real meaning though. See Corinthians 13:4-8)
Right now love for me is ME. It’s not any distraction. It’s not a job. It’s not some forceful interaction. Some misconstrued text messages. Any mixed emotions that have me questioning myself. It’s not anything but me. I owe it to myself. It’s the very least I can do. I GOTTA BE FOR ME. Even on the days that the be may change.
“All I know, all I know
Love will save the day”
As always, in all ways. Love and Light 💗
- KAREN
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Um hi. Hello. We love a good series so I’m going to start something new today called “Jot That Down.” Pretty much when I just want to get something off. It may be real quick, but in the same have a little substance. I’ve had these three topics on my mind so heavy here lately but I couldn’t come up with a full dialogue for either so I decided to combine them all. As always it’s from my heart and hopefully is as impactful as my full blogs. Here we go…
- I once prayed for peace until I finally made it to a peaceful place. I got here and realized it wasn’t even peace that I longed for. It was freedom that I should’ve been asking for. Because here I am at peace and it’s just me here still. A place of freedom. A sense of freeness. Completely free. No cares. No worries. F R E E. (F*ck n*gga included) That’s the real peace.
“Ain't no feeling like being free. I'm like an eagle set free and finally I'm looking out for me. Ain't no feeling like being free cause my mind's made up and my heart is in the right place.” Free x Destiny’s Child
- LOL at me getting teary eyed in the club the other day because my friend was expressing to me how much he loved me as a person. He expressed that I was like a breath of fresh air, I’m always fun to be around, how genuine of a person I was, etc. AND that really touched me because in that moment I wasn’t so bubbly at all. I was actually a bit sad and blue because I was sorta in a moment going through with someone that I was in the process of getting to know. Someone who I was really becoming fond of only for them to pull the plug on me without explanation or to my knowledge any reason. Just like typically everyone that I’ve known previously. If we’re being technical, it had just happened to me a week before meeting them that’s why I came in with no expectations or high hopes. But. You know how that goes. Randomly this came to mind, “Doing more than I've ever done for anyone's attention. Take notice of what's in front of you. Cause did I mention, you're bout to miss a good thing. And you'll never know how good it feels to have all of my affection. And you'll never get a chance to experience my loving because my loving feels like… you don’t know my name.” You Don’t Know my Name X Alicia Keys.
In reality they don’t though. Well at least in that light, now my friends do. They know 100% sure. But to the others it’s just a fascination to my belief. The idea maybe seems better. In my opinion I don’t believe they want to know the real me because we never make it to that point. But hey, who knows.
- I saw a meme the other day that said ”I hate I have to isolate myself from everything in order to get it together.” I’ve never felt more seen because if you know me, I will in a heartbeat. If we’re being political this is one of the main reasons why I don’t post consistently. When my energy is off I don’t want to be social. I’m probably not pleasant to be around either. We all know energy is transferable so I try my best to stay clear. I never want to be the one to bring someone else down, just because I’m down. It’s just not in my nature. I don’t ever want to be unreal. I’ll sit in my mess, get myself together and then pop out. It’s a bit unhealthy but in the words of Big Krit, “I gotta get away from the bullshit that they on.” Get Away x Big Krit Maybe one day my fearful avoidant ness won’t hinder me but until we figure it out…
As always, in all ways — Love and Light
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EX FACTOR
LOL sighs ..anddddddd action. When I tell you all this is probably one of my most anticipated blogs ever. I’ve seriously wrote this blog so many times (I’m talking all the way probably back to around when I first started writing blogs) and every time I get ready to publish it, I always back out. For one I know the emotions that come with this song for me. Once a young girl stealing my sisters Miseducation of Lauryn Hill cd to a woman in my late 20s now feeling exactly each word she wrote. Every time I hear the melodic chimes and piano in the beginning it creates such an emotion for me. Then to precede and say “It could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard. Loving you is like a battle, and we both end up with scars. Tell me who do I have to be to gain some reciprocity.(S/o to her for truly teaching us what that word means) See no one loves you more than me and no one ever will.”
As a woman, I truly understand how simple love could be. Relationships too. We didn’t say easy because nothings ever easy, we just said simple. But (whatever your preference may be) realistically they make it so hard. A lack of so to say. Lack of communication. Lack of accountability. Ego. Wounds in the way aka trauma. And. Straight up unwillingness. (Sidenote, I know I have a couple of guys who sometimes read these and the same things go for women.. i too have lacked in these areas as well and I’m woman enough to admit that)
“No matter how I think we grow you always seem to let me know,it ain't working…And when I try to walk away you'd hurt yourself to make me stay. This is crazy…I keep letting you back in. How can I explain myself? (I don't understand why) As painful as this thing has been. .. ” i don’t even sing that last part because I know I truly am capable of moving on. I’ve done it quite a time or two. It just takes me a min. But I get it who wants to in some cases.
Being very transparent with you all I don’t think I’ve ever been with someone but not with someone so much in my entire 14 years of being a dater. It’s like I would always be drawn in to stay somewhere where I know didn’t serve me purpose. But I also didn’t want to give up on it bc I always felt like we could grow. I once believed in wrong timing. I felt like too much time had been invested. I felt comfortable. I always tried to find the good(Bc in all honesty when it was good, it was good. My friends never saw that side so I get the stares and all the questions lol. I really do y’all.)
“See I know what we've got to do. You let go and I'll let go too. 'Cause no one's hurt me more than you. And no one ever will..” The hardest part but the part that warms my heart the most. We hate to let things go that mean so much to us, things that were once near and dear to our heart but it’s essential for progressing. I look at hurt like all the lessons of a lifetime that potentially made me into a better woman. A more guarded woman. A more cautious woman for sure, but never the less still a woman, phenomenally. And I try to pride myself on that.
Ex Factor - a tale of three different stages that I’m sure every single one of us have been through or may be currently experiencing.
The Ex Factor - a product of someone or something mattering but not so much anymore. And I’ll drink to that. With another month concluding, into the year that’s moving ever so rapidly so much of me knows that it’s a dire need to go ahead and get this out the way because all in all it has held me back in many ways. It’s crazy like I noted earlier I’ve seriously wrote this blog, tweaked it, deleted stuff from it since about 2020 and each time I felt something new. Today 4/30/2023 is the best I’ve felt about it in all these years. I say all of that to say, “it’s” awaiting.
As always, in all ways — Love and Light 💗
Twitter : _kforkaren
Instagram : kforkarenn
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Closer
Say they calling from everywhere say they miss me. Well. WALE. WHALE. I’ve had the words. I’ve typed them, multiple times but as we know timing is everything to me so what better time to kick off than the start of a brand new year. Hopefully something sticks and do all of us some good. This past year was full of surprises and enough trauma to fill an ER. I gained a lot. I lost a lot. I cried a lot. I loved a lot. I learned a lot. I laughed a whole lot. I even gave up(Ah, jumpscare) BUT with promises of tomorrow I’m way more closer to what’s imagined. What I’ve longed for.. for such a long time. My dreams. Major accomplishments. Peace. Abundance. And just a higher self. With simple lyrics that repeat themselves almost throughout the whole song, in what some would say a mantra..
“Sometimes it feels like I'll never go past here. Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck forever, ever. But I'm going higher, closer to my dreams. I'm going higher and higher. I can almost reach…Sometimes you just have to let it go. Leaving all my fears to burn and die. Push them all away so I can move on closer to my dreams. Feel it all over my being… I'm moving upward and onward and beyond all that I could see. Stretching out my arms so I can reach. I'm so close. It's like I can just reach.”
Higher in these terms to me mean elevation.
I wanted to start the first blog of the year on a more positive note. Because literally the start of a new year gives me a sense of hope and newness. We’re able to reset. Refocus. Set goals and have fresh starts. Lol we bashed niggas all last year(not saying we won’t get to that because there’s always room for that with me) but you see where that got us.
It’s time to divert the attention and your energy to what should be the most important thing you’re pouring into. YOU. A higher you. The woman or man you’re destined to be. A higher me because that’s what I aspire to be. You’re so much closer than you once were. From yesterday and for some even a few minutes ago. Whatever the case may be just know I’m proud of you and rooting for you 100% as you continue to thrive on. . We are CLOSER to our dreams. We are CLOSER to new heights.
As always in all ways, love and light. - Karen 💕
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I found my smile again
Hiii.
I know I’ve been away but as Brent would say in the midst of getting my paper straight.. you know the rest. In the light of my birthday coming up (August 5, shoutout to all my fellow Leo babies) I always go through a couple of episodes and emotions right before. I go through an episode of “Omg I’m really getting old” “omg did my life change from last year until this year” “omg what the hell am I doing” and then I bask in all of that which tends to lead to me being really “pressed” and dreading the day. Typically that only last for a couple of days and then usually right before I find my smile again. It’s such a coincidence that I would term it like that because I recently just rediscovered a song by D’Angelo entitled “I found my smile again” which brought so much light in my world.
He talks about a love, so to say someone that actually brought that light into his world. However i can not relate where for the last couple of years that you guys have known me — you know my struggle. But. Growing as a woman I’ve come to learn that, that���s just additional. And. I’m okay with that. For that exact moment I’m willing to be as patient as I need to be. I’m learning to pour into me being the main source of my happiness. To me for me. I’m learning what actually makes me smile like random self dates, buying myself flowers, getting cute and just things as simple as enjoying my own company and space. I also step back and recognize the things that don’t make me smile (and lol this is my fair warning now, after my birthday if you don’t hear from me or can’t contact me.. WELP)
In learning to find my smile again. I know it comes with things. Things that I may not technically be ready for but in efforts of embarking on a new chapter I must. I always treat my birthday like a shedding of a layer, technically like a New Year 2.0.( Bc in all honesty I was still doing some foolish stuff in January and here is my time to shine). (It only took 8 months lol) If that means things like letting go. Forgiving. Moving on. Accepting.Etc. I’m cool with that because i know the reward will be so well worth it.
I’ve been in places and spaces where a smile was was no where in close proximity and I for one say at this big age I’m turning … here is where that ends. In this new chapter of life, (and I know you guys are tired of hearing this term) i want to experience the softest of soft life. I don’t want to have to be hard at all. 20+ years of my life have already been spent doing so and gentleness is the only answer for me. I feel really good about this new chapter whereas I always do but looking up the numerology of the number nine really confirms it for me. Nine represents “…a representation of age and knowledge. It emerges in your life when you have sufficient experience of life to take charge of your destiny. This number is a sign of maturity. Having angel number 9 is a divine gift from the angels themselves.”
I claim peace. I claim the love that I want. I claim prosperity. I claim adventure. I claim abundance and anything meant in alignment for me just because I know how good it can get for me.
Cheers to the last of the last. IYKYK :))
As always, in all ways — Love and Light 💗💗
Instagram : kforkarenn
Twitter : _kforkaren
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A rose is still a rose
Guess who’s back. Back again. Karen’s back, tell a friend. No fr, tell a friend lol. Now I’ve been holding this one in the chamber for some time, but as always “when the time is right..” you know the rest.
I know you all are like Karen, “First of all you too young” *in Santana voice, but just hear me out. Ms. Franklin got hits. My favorite fun fact about this song is that Lauryn Hill actually wrote and produced this before The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill letting us know the talent was indeed there.
Intro — “I realize that you've been hurt, deep because I've been there.But regardless to who, what, why, when and where..We're all precious in his sight and a rose is still, and always will be, a rose.”
Hopping into things, we all know a rose to be a beautiful, soft, delicate flower. “It symbolizes romance, love, beauty and courage.” They require maintenance, water, sunlight and other nutrients in order to stay alive. They are timeless classics that you can truly never go wrong with and like the flower I’d like to add me too.
A Rose is still a Rose is one of those self healing moment songs for me when music is the only thing I really want to listen to because it doesn’t hold any records of how I feel or what I say. It can’t tell me “I told you so” and it can’t say “well you didn’t listen to me.” Instead so beautifully it can affirm, it can uplift, and so much more.
Chorus — “Cause a rose is still a rose.Baby girl, you're still a flower. He can't leave you and then take you. Make you and then break you. Darlin', you hold the power.” Well said.
Part of Verse 2– “…. trying to fill the void heartbreak brings…. She wears a thorn, trying to forget about you.”
Bridge— “Let your life be in the sunshine. Not the darkness of your sorrow. You may see you're lost today but new love will come tomorrow. Don't believe that life is over just because your man is gone. Girl, love yourself enough to know that without him, your life goes on. Without him, your life goes on and without him, your life goes on.”
And here’s where we get in my business a little lol. I know for the last three/four years I’ve been in several predicaments where I have to tell myself LIFE GOES ON. For quite some time I’ve been in situations where I haven’t felt valued, respected, cared for or even simply “liked”. Literally no nutrients at all. And just like a rose would, my spirit died. My petals fell off. I was crushed. I was stepped on. Seeming to be worthless...But one day you just realize, you’re still a rose, a flower and you do indeed hold the power. It sounds so cliche to say because in all honesty it doesn’t just happen like I said it does. It takes a lot. A lot of healing. A lot of hurting. A lot of crying. A lot of praying. A lot of journaling. A lot of fake scenario role playing. A lot of sleepless nights. A lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms. A lot of relapses. A lot of cycles. Etc. BUT when it does it’s so rewarding. “What I am is what I am.”
“A rose is still a rose”
As always, in all ways - Love and Light 💗💗
Instagram : kforkarenn
Twitter : _kforkaren
YouTube: KforKaren
P.s : This song is apart of my healing playlist if you guys wanted to check it out .. https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/shes-healingg/pl.u-PDb44ZpToole7R
(And also if my potential mate is reading this I love flowers. Roses, peonies,hydrangeas .. lol)
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No more rain, in this cloud
Well. Well. Well. What do we have here lol. Do my eyes deceive me? Have I let yet another year roll by and I still want to write blogs.. and the answer is indefinite YES. Excuse my manners, hi you guys. Names Karen, like white girl Karen. Yes one of three black Karen’s you know. LOL you know when you’ve been gone a long time, you have to come back and reintroduce yourself. So there’s my slight intro. Cheers to the new year, 2022!! As always i promise to do better but sometimes life — eh gets in the way of what I’m feeling word to Jill Scott.
This song has always resonated with me especially going the various phases of becoming a young woman who has had enough rain in her cloud for 40 days and 40 nights. Younger years of me looked forward to being all cried out. Later years soon realized you're never all cried out. It just gets better with time. "In time, it gets a little better..."
For some time I wanted to release this passage, but it never seemed to be the right time. Maybe because my main focus of writing it was about a man and Lord knows we didn’t need another one of those (not to freight, because those will come lol). And to also add, I wasn't in the space that I wanted to be in. I wanted this topic to solely focus on me. Me in a new space, me in another chapter of womanhood experiencing a new feeling that was long overdue. Sunshine. A new becoming. Peaceful bliss. All the things that come together to put out meaningful words that could possibly impact someones day or life.
As always, with Love and Light <3
Twitter : _kforkaren
Instagram: kforkarenn
Youtube: K for Karen (yes I'm coming back for that too lol)
#blog #newblogpost #blogger #angiestone #blackblogs
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I gotta find peace of mind
“I’ve been gone too long. True or false, right or wrong” Sheesh y’all. I know, I know. Your girl has been mia and I really hope you all missed me just as much as I missed y’all. Everything has been everything, literally. (This is where I let you all fill in your imagination to think whatever has been going on in my life it has, or...)
The chords. The simplicity. The beauty in the lyrics. Peeling off the first layer, it clearly seems as if she’s speaking of a romantic relationship. “He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible. He says there's no me without him. Please help me forget about him
He takes all my energy, trapped in my memory
Constantly holding me... I need to tell you all, all the pain he's caused...” WHEW. I been there. We become so attached to people’s physical and other aspects that we don’t even realize how physically, emotionally and even spiritually they drain us. Drain of us of peace, power, and so much more.
Many of us are searching for that peace. And to be very honest. We’ll never find it if we keep looking in the same things for it. If you’re still looking for it, that’s OKAY. It varies for everyone. In this very moment all that matters to me currently is my peace. So with that being said just know I’m doing ANY AND EVERYTHING to keep it. Do what you will with that information.
Love and Light - Karen
Twitter : _kforkaren
Instagram : kforkarenn
Youtube : K for Karen
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Bag Lady
“I was just six playing with sticks” lol nah but forreal I prolly was about six when Bag Lady by Erykah Badu came out and to me it was just a catchy song with a colorful video. Years and I do mean yearsssss later I finally “heard” it and boy was I appalled. This hoe was talking about me, whole time. Ain’t never met me a day in her life, but yet so beautifully there she was singing about me.
Now I’ve had quite a few bag lady moments in my young life and 0/10 I wouldn’t recommend. The first baggage set was small and dainty. It wasn’t that heavy, but chile I just didn’t wanna let that go. I guess because it was my first baggage set and i thought it meant a lot to me. (Whew that one really dragged with me until it was raggedy.)Then I got my second baggage set. Now that one was heavy heavy, you got so heavy on me. (Sing that like Effie) Looking back now, um I totally shouldn’t have even been picking that up, it had to be a sale or something and chile I love a good sale soooo.. yea that’s that.
Now this is where it gets tricky, because I stopped taking baggage sets with me and thought that carry on’s would work for connivence. But nobody ever told me, they get in the way just as much if not more because it was still baggage just not an official set.
True enough my back was indeed hurting and the bags were definitely in my way. But yet knowing all of this, what did I do? Keep going with all my bags. I’m steady wondering why I’m running away good people. I’m sure my potential spouse was in that number (and if you were, I think you should spin the block one more time in my defense).
The baggage wasn’t visible but it was crowding space. No one literally couldn’t even get to me because all the bags were in the way. Fast forward one day I thought I’d leave my bags at the house just to get a bit of fresh air and I noticed how faster I could walk without em. I wasn’t out of breath and my back didn’t hurt. From that moment , I had to let the baggage know yeaaa it’s been fun but I gotta run. I say all of that to say this, “let it go, let it go, let it go” What you got all them bags (unless their designer and hell even she questioned the lady with the Gucci bag too) for anywayyyy?
“Pack light”
Love and light - Karen 💗
Twitter: _kforkaren
Instagram: kforkarenn
YouTube : K for Karen
#newblog #newblogpost #blogger #baglady #erykahbadu
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BREAKDOWN :/
Break, break down. Wassup guys. Have you ever caught yourself knowing a song for sooooo long and then you realize you never really knew the words to it until you saw a video explaining the lyrics to you. This was literally me yesterday on TikTok as I saw one of my favorite Mariah Carey’s songs entitled Breakdown being broke down. AND.The woman was too stunned to speak. There it was a tale of a romance going completely wrong and the process of grief from it. A tale of ME that i know is too relatable to not share.
Before hopping into the nitty gritty, keep the five stages of grief (in all aspects) in the back of your mind. First you have denial. Next is anger. After that is bargaining. Followed by depression. Lastly ending with acceptance.
“You called yesterday to basically say that you care for me but that you're just not in love. Immediately, I pretended to be feeling similarly and led you to believe…I was okay to just walk away from the one thing that's unyielding and sacred to me.” (Denial)
(LOL. First of all I’m not even going to say what I thought she was saying all these years but if there are hidden cameras in my home secretly documenting scenarios based on true life events then just say that. I’d love to sign up for the check owed to me.)
“Well, I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it and I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you. But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind,underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside. Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly. 'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that that I'm suffering.So I wear my disguise til I go home at night and turn down all the lights and then I break down and cry.” (Anger/Bargaining)
“So, what do you do when somebody you're devoted to suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue. Of the pain that rejection is putting you through, do you cling to your pride and sing I will survive. Do you lash out and say how dare you leave this way?Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away?” (Denial/Anger/Depression)
Very similar to Mariah my automatic response to trying to accept things is to automatically act nonchalant. For some reason my mind thinks the more I try to convince myself that I don’t care, I won’t. (Which for a true Pisces moon like myself.. YEA that sounds good but WHATEVS) Also trying to be an emotionally validated person it doesn’t help me in anyway to try to fake the funk. I can come off to the world so happy and so strong. I can lie to my friends and say I’m not “studden” this person or my personal favorite “f* that n*” but deep down that’s not how I truly feel. Nobody really knows or sees when I BREAKDOWN. (And that’s something that I’m also working on trying to be more emotional available) I’m confused. (Denial) I’m shame. (Anger) I’m telling everyone that will listen. (Bargaining) I have no energy for anything. (Depression) and the cycle repeats itself until I finally come to terms that whatever I thought was sent to break me wouldn’t.(Acceptance)
I’ll be completely honest with you guys because I love each and every one of you that read these and I like to be transparent. My last situation was the whole cycle to this song. I was with someone who was very near and dear to my heart and one day he just woke up and didn’t feel the same about me anymore. (Or to be very honest probably never felt a way in the beginning) I often questioned myself thinking it was me. I often downplayed the emotions attached to him. I’ve repeated the stages of grief several times. Yet still to this day I often start over with the process that no one warned me of being so difficult.
Contrary to most of the blogs I post. This post wasn’t meant to back track on my feelings or yours. Not even was it meant to highlight me or you being a sap. (I am though lol) I just think it’s important to show everything. Here’s to the continued healing of the breakdown. Here’s to hope from the breakdown.
As always, in all ways — Love and light 💗
Instagram : kforkarenn
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