k-writesometimes - Tumblr blog

[k-writesometimes]

Will the yearning ever stop?

When will I stop stripping myself naked only to be noticed and never to be held?

When will the snow covered mountains thaw?

I am beyond cold.

[k-writesometimes]

Like soda bubbles

I rise and pop.

There is no end

every time

I give in

to love.

[k-writesometimes]

The first time she held my hand

she was inspecting the scars and dark spots in my arm

The second time was in a hut facing the Pacific Ocean

The third time was inside the umbrella while rain is pouring hard

The fourth time was in the backseat of her car

The fifth time was while she was driving

Is this how love feels like?

I am holding her hand and it whispers,

"Here is where you belong".

[k-writesometimes]

I must have known but I pretended not to see

it's literally there staring at me like sunlight hitting the trees

it's the same song of cicadas at night

the same promise of sunrise

the same sound of bees

and yet I stood there taking it all in

as if I do not know what sunrise is, cicadas or bees

and bask in the sweetness of a goodnight

only to be left again.

[k-writesometimes]

And I have to give it up.

I have to give it up

just when I feel like

I found something good

all the time

all the time.

[k-writesometimes]

They enter and then they leave. Most of the time, I am just the door.

[k-writesometimes]

some people come into our lives

like sunsets

brief

beautiful

fucking breathtaking

and when they leave

their memory frozen

retrievable anytime like photographs

[k-writesometimes]

I got it under control.

I have notes posted on my wall

it says: plan, remember to breathe deeply.

And when things get too much

I run to bright places.

That was what I did until I met her.

She's a star, a bright place herself

making me run less

becoming awake the longest.

But this heart runs out like a candle

after all the light, all that will be left

is a cold hardened wax.

But I'm glad

even though it wasn't very long

I was with her.

Inspired by: All the Bright Places (Netflix)

[k-writesometimes]

I imagine the world is your garden and we are your flowers.

So how do you know, it's time to pluck one from another?

Is it when our petals have already opened so fully that we were able to feel the full warmth of the sun?

Or is it when all our leaves fall and all our petals wilt away?

Which do you pluck away first- the prettiest or the ugliest?

How do we make amends with your choices?

[k-writesometimes]

Did I gave too much of myself away again?

Here's a balm, here's a coffee ground,

here's the stuff toy I saw in the store,

here's a notebook where you can draw.

Here's all the excuses so I can say yes,

Here's all the time I spent thinking

"Why am I doing this?"

To think I went through something like this but my heart says now is different.

So here I am again soaked in gasoline

praying you will not turn me into ashes.

[k-writesometimes]

i wrote about sad

discarded parts of me

and call it art

when the truth is

it’s just blood

it’s just blood

[k-writesometimes]

inside here

is a

void

no one

can fill in

inside here

is a

coffin

filled with

dead

flowers

inside here

is a

sob

inside here

is

someone

you claimed

to love

[k-writesometimes]

Hinterland

Wonderland

Heaven

it's all the same to me

you have move away without a warning

and I'm not certain if I'll ever see you again

abuela

lola

nanay

grandma

your hands are the prettiest

even though you say it's wrinkly and transparent

I don't know if where you are

there's a sea where you love so much to swim

or there's a river where you can sing your songs

I just hope you're not alone

because lately I have weird dreams

floating in an uncharted sea

swimming in the river

Were you there?

Were you calling me?

[k-writesometimes]

How many times have I tried to tell you I love you in my head

I can't count

How many times I've said it's fine when I meant it hurts

How many times I've said goodbye when I meant please stay

How many times I've said enjoy when I meant bring me along

How many times

I have lost count.

Unsent Valentine,

I can't make you love me

when I am just one of the flowers in your garden

Unsent Valentine,

I can't love you anymore

I am done being a past time.

[k-writesometimes]

smoke, burn, ash

put some gasoline

in this chemical heart

this acid, corroding

all that I could touch

smoke, burn, ash

save this heart, heart, heart

[k-writesometimes]

I wish for a heart

as stubborn as the weeds

after you pull them out and put herbicide

it grows even thicker, occupying more space

teasing everyone looking:

I am the ground.

The ground belongs to me.

[k-writesometimes]

I miss my strong memory.

Of all things cancer has taken from me, it's what stings the most.

Something isn't right.

Anyway, the night is heavy with stars, maybe tomorrow will be sunny.

Oh, right, it's not strong, but sharp, it's not night, but sky.

I swear. The right words are always hiding.

Even in that sentence, it is hiding.

After writing, I remember what's more appropriate is correct, not right.

Maybe my tongue has secret chambers now.

And when correct words or terms are needed, they hide.

They're also tired.

-My Chemo Brain Attempts to Write Poetry