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[kahlanmars]

[kahlanmars]

Getting murdered in the woods wouldn’t even be my least favourite thing about camping.

- Effie Trinket

[kahlanmars]

THE HUNGER GAMES APPRECIATION WEEK day three: favorite mentor relationship ↳ Katniss & Haymitch Several sets of arms would embrace me. But in the end, the only person I truly want to comfort me is Haymitch, because he loves Peeta, too. I reach out for him and say something like his name and he's there, holding me and patting my back.  "It's okay. It'll be okay, sweetheart."

[kahlanmars]

PAPER RINGS part. 12

THIS IS THE FINALE. Final chapter, no more Daisy. So goodbye, Daisy Pinecone, I loved you a lot. Goodbye, Haymitch Abernathy, I wish you were mine. And Goodbye to you, thanks to the kind comments and likes!

MASTERLIST

12. I think I’m gonna marry you

SIX MONTHS LATER

You wake up in the best way you know, with sloppy kisses on your neck and a hand between your legs, the other on your breasts. Unfortunately, today of all days you can’t indulge yourself in such fun activities. You have a little appointment today. 

An appointment in white.

«You shouldn’t be here! Effie will be here in a minute.» You scold your partner, since you know what he wants. Oh, you shouldn’t have. You should already be up, preparing yourself for the big day, curling your hair in a complicated braid and all the other things you usually adore to do. 

But his eyes are so blue…

«I just couldn’t sleep without you tonight.» He whispers in your ear and you melt at his hot breath. He is so sexy. When did he become so hot? Is it weird that you feel more attracted to him than ever? One thing is true, you are going to be very lucky if you are always going to feel this way. And his scent, that wood and tobacco even though he doesn’t smoke, like a smell he got attached to him since he was a teenager. 

There was also alcohol in that scent before, but not anymore. He is sober, not always in the easiest way, but he managed to stay sober so far. You are so freaking proud of him, he is the strongest man you know.

«I know, me neither…» You tried. You really tried, but you couldn’t sleep. You felt excited and scared, and you kept thinking you only wanted to be in his arms. That is a little concerning, the small amount of time that was needed to make you feel like the world was exploding without him. 

When you were about to go to your house, your real house and not your mom’s, you saw him sneaking from the window.

This is a signal. A signal that everything is going to be okay, if you and your soon to be husband can’t stay away from each other. 

And also a signal you sometimes really behave like teenagers in love.

«But Effie is going to be here any minute and if he finds you here...» She will scold you two. Effie Trinket being allied to your mother was not in your bingo card for the year, but as soon as they heard the words “planned” and “wedding” they teamed up. Effie became big on district tradition, and part of it is that the night before the wedding the girl has to sleep in her mother’s house. Well, usually just because the girl lived there before and now you are living in sin, but for them it’s a detail, a tradition is a tradition and so you spent your night in your mom’s house, dresses in a white simple long nightgown and covered in lilium candidum, to symbolise innocence.

Haymitch laughed for half an hour when you told him they called you “Innocent”, the irony wasn’t lost on him.

«So you are saying I can’t stay in my bed.» He deadpans, and you shake your head, but you are so happy he is with you.

«This is not your bed, this is my mother’s house and you introduced yourself like a thief.» And it’s very hot, but you are not going to tell him that.

He only smirks, like every time he is going to say something that you wouldn’t approve. «It is only my bed when you are in it. And you are a thief. Only thing I stole was your virginity.»

«Haymitch!» You laugh, because he is very stupid sometimes. He has been a serious, shattered, sad person for twenty years, and now that everything seems calmer he is discovering himself as a funny man when he is in a good mood. The sky still has clouds sometimes. «And my heart.»

His gaze softens, a hand on your cheek again, the other playing with your hair. «Aren’t we sweet this morning?»

«It happens when you have to get married.» You still don’t think this is real. You are going to get married. You. Daisy Pinecone. Daisy Pinecone becomes Daisy Abernathy. You are very happy you are taking his name. You are keeping yours, of course, but it’s good to be an Abernathy now.

«In like six hours, babe, nobody is coming in now…» He starts to pepper kisses on your neck. Babe. You developed a taste for this word from his lips, it is tacky from other lips but when he pronounces those words it’s like music, especially if he traces caresses on your shoulders and neck. «Let me wake you properly.»

«Don’t even think about it, the bride has to go down now!» You try to interrupt him, but his hands are already on your butt again, and you feel so desired. He makes you feel powerful and beautiful.

«But I wanted to go down.» He deadpans, and you chuckle. A kid. He is a kid today, and if he is in this goofy mood now it’s because it’s a happy day for him too. He is happy because he is marrying you. What a crazy thought. 

«Haymitch… you really have to go. It’s crazy enough that we spent the night together!» You stroke his hair and he grins at you, because usually when you begin like this you end with a fist in his hair. 

Not today. You will be stronger.

«I don’t get why, we’ll spend the night together for the rest of our life.»

«But it's tradition.» You pout. «Me in my childhood’s bed, our cat with Katniss and you… going out with the men from the district.»

«Ugh, I’ll pass. I can’t stand those men. They are always complaining about their wives. Why the hell did you get married if you hate your wife?» This is another side of this man that you love. He is not afraid of being himself and if he hates someone he really hates someone. 

He is right about the men in the district, most of them treat their wives like shit. At twelve it’s common for women to take care of the house and men go to work outside when they can handle the money, and it’s not fun. Men don’t think what women do it’s a real job, they tend to harass them whenever they can and they generally think they are better. In adulthood men start to dislike women. They think women are shallow and less intelligent than them, and they don’t have a purpose anymore since they are not beautiful anymore. If they give them children, they are seen as an inconvenience and a burden. 

This is the life your mother didn’t want. She chose to be alone, and she made the right choice because now she is happy.

This is the life you didn’t want. You never dreamed of getting married with someone from Twelve because you had a lot of examples of good guys who became insufferable old men. But this is not the life you are going to live. First, because Haymitch is already an old man. And second, and most important, he is not like this. He cherishes you, he loves you and he proved it a lot of times.

«Maybe in twenty years you will complain about me too.» You joke. 

«In twenty years you will be a ravishing fourty woman and I’ll be a wreck. If I start complaining, finish me off.»

You laugh again, he is in a very good mood today, and you put a hand on his shoulder to get him closer.

«And what are you going to do with me once you have married me, Mr. Abernathy?» This is dangerous business, if you begin to flirt when you can’t make love to him. 

«The things I’ll do to you, Mrs. Abernathy.» The hunger in his eyes makes you blush even now. And you believe him, that man has a great fantasy when it comes to you.

«Miss Pinecone! At least for some hours.» You protest. 

«It’s too much. I want you mine now.» He bites you on your neck and you almost let out a moan. With your mother in the other room, that’s outrageous. But his teeth are lingering on your skin and what a girl gotta do? 

«I am yours. From head to toe. Every inch of my skin…» You whisper in his ear.

«I’ll kiss every bit of skin you have.» You believe him. He has already done it multiple times by now, each of them better than the previous one.

«Is that a promise, my love? We will always be as passionate as we are now?» You ask him, a bit more serious now. You really don’t want to lose that, or the jokeness you have. You know it’s a little shocking for everyone, but he makes you laugh. Really laugh. He is funny, he has a good sense of humour and you can’t help but chuckle when he wants to be hilarious.

Everyone told you that a married life is not easy, you tend to fall into a routine and you end up bored. It is better to be bored than to be constantly in danger, but if you could just avoid it you would be happier.

«Sweetheart, I have to tell myself I cannot eat you and fuck you and kiss you all day… I’m sure that won’t be a concern.» He wants you. He really wants you. He has been wanting you for two years now more or less, and yet you can’t believe it. You remember when you used to daydream about him, a less hot version of him if you have to be honest, because now he is sober, he gained strength thanks to Peeta’s exercises and he washes his hair more. 

«Really? You want to have me all the time?» You try to play it cool, but you fail miserably.

«You can’t even imagine…» The bite he gives you, though… that’s not fair. It reminds you of all the time he used his weapons against you. Or against a wall. 

«I think I can. Are we behaving like teenagers again?» You ask him, but he shakes his head and kisses your lips again.

«Let me be happy for a minute.»

Happy. You can see it in his smile, in his eyes, in his movements during the day. 

«I’m so proud I can make you happy.»

«Feeling mutual. Now, how much do you think we have until our actual teenagers come to our house to find me?» The fact that now you have actual children is scary, because sometimes you feel like a teenager yourself (although you are almost thirty, you have a job and you are about to get married), but in the last few months Katniss got closer to you and you always had a good relationship with Peeta. Lora is the one who got you worried the most, because you clearly remember the moment you thought you lost her, but she is getting better. When you asked her what job she dreamed about, she answered that she doesn’t dream about a job. You are fucking proud of her. Not your mood, because you actually dreamed of multiple jobs in your life, but the fact that she stated it is very good. She is starting to know what she wants.

«Katniss is slower but Peeta will be there any minute and Lora is living with you, but will come to me. But that doesn’t matter because Effie is probably already here, waiting for me to get up.» You kiss his cheek.

«And the fishes?»

«Don’t call them that! Finnick, Annie and Perla will be here in two hours. Perla will bring Cinna, of course.»

«Of course.» His tone is hilarious. He had always been a little jealous of Cinna, because Katniss adores him. He doesn’t understand that the girl loves him like a fun uncle, but she considers him as a father.

«You are still jealous of him and Katniss?» You taunt, but he just snorts, because heaven helps him if he has to name a feeling.

«No, why would I?»

«You jealous, jealous man. She is your daughter, you know?» You are all over him again, he is too cute when he is insecure.

«I have no idea what you are talking about, you crazy wife.»

«You have to go! Don’t even think about it… stop kissing me…» You try to sound convincing, but the moan you let out when he hits that particular spot under the ear exposes you. «Stop… maybe just five minutes.» He smiles like he just conquered the world.

«That’s my girl.» The room soon fills with giggles and kisses.

It’s more than five minutes. You are never sick of each other, but eventually even Haymitch realizes that it’s not ideal for him to be in your mother’s house doing some unholy things. You are sore and still giggling when he goes away, and you stand up from the bed before someone enters through the door. 

You watch yourself in the mirror. Your hair is messy and your eyes are tired, Effie is going to be very mad at you. And you don’t even want to start with the nightgown.

«Mother!» You half-yell, because she appears behind you in the mirror. It’s scary and you shouldn’t scare a victor.

It’s weird how you don’t even feel like you are a victor anymore, some days. You are so different from that Daisy, the Daisy who didn’t win the Hunger Games. And yet, sometimes you are still in the arena.

The therapist is helping a lot. You came back from Dr. Aurelius and now she is helping you to understand how it feels, about your choices and you are learning a lot about yourself. Haymitch is going to a therapist too, and so is Lora. You try to help each other in every way possible.

«Daughter! I’ll pretend I didn’t see Haymitch sneaking through the door.» She reaches out for you and she starts to unwrap your night braids. «So… I’m about to lose my daughter.»

Her voice is a little sad. This is not what she wanted for you, and you know it. She always dreamed about a big career for you, a district-shaped career, but she is a known figure in Twelve and she wanted the same thing for you. A recognizable name. The fact that you chose to use the double surname, Pinecone-Abernathy, wounded her a little. 

You think she is a little better now. She accepted that you love Haymitch and, most importantly, he loves you. He helped you with your new job, spent a lot of time working with you and that lightened him in her eyes. And you are working, you have your own money, that reassures your mom.

«You won’t lose me! I’m just getting married.» You try to say, but now she has tears in her pretty eyes.

Your mother is very pretty. Prettier now, after the war. She is a bit of a celebrity in Twelve now, she helped everyone during the reconstruction and you caught more than one man lurking at her, but she doesn’t want anybody. 

She strokes your hair, and she watches you like you are about to go away.

«But you will be so grown up… and you are starting your shop, and even have an apprentice. You are an adult now.»

You shake your head. You have been an adult for several years now, and you risked your life at least twice.

«I was an adult when I went to the Hunger Games…» You try to resonate, but she is trying not to cry now.

«Yes, but now, now it’s a happy thing.»

«Really? You are happy for me.»

«Yeah well, I didn’t like it so much at first but he is a good man. He loves you. Even I have to admit it. And it’s obvious you love him too.» It’s a great thing for her to admit that Haymitch is a good man.

«I love him so much, mama.»

You hug her. It’s weird, you never hug each other, you are a hugger but not with your mother, and yet you need to hug her now. She squeezes you like she doesn’t want you to leave, but then she takes a step back.

«Promise me you will be happy. There will be problems, in every family there are problems but promise me you will try to be happy.»

«I promise you.»

She smiles and she looks satisfied now.

The dress is beautiful. You designed it after a tale you read, one of those fairy tales your mother used to tell you when you were a little one. The white fabric is thin, maybe a little too thin but you are sure you are so excited you won’t be cold, and there are little flowers and crystals all over it.

Your raven hair is up in a majestic braid, thanks to Effie, and she put crystals and little pearls in it. Apparently she had it back at home, but you have to give it back to her. Your makeup is elegant as you requested, Peeta discovered himself a great painter even on faces. 

You look the best you could. You weren’t as stunning as you are now even in the preparations for the Hunger Games.

«Oh, darling girl. You are beautiful.» Effie opens the door and she already has tears in her eyes. She is beautiful. She is one of the bridesmaids, in a light pink dress that suits her shape. You are so happy for her, she is going to be a bride herself in a few months and you are making her the dress, as Portia made Haymitch’s. 

After the fashion show you came back to District Twelve and you opened a small shop in the town. It wasn’t easy and you were so scared at first, but it’s turning out great. The shop itself is very cute, with plants and a lot of fabric everywhere and a large table where you can work everyday. It’s rather small, but two girls asked you one day if they could come and learn. You said yes, and you are happy you can teach them. It’s almost like being a teacher again. They are adorable, and they really want to learn from you. You try not to bear them with work, they are still in school, but there is a lot you can teach. They are helping a lot. You like this new district life, people tend to help each other, you spent several times in the bakery with Peeta, and Katniss gives you the animals she hunts. Well, she gives Haymitch the animals she hunts, because you can’t stand the sight of a dead animal. You are well aware this makes you a hypocrite, but you really can’t.

«Thanks to you.» You hug Effie again and you try to memorise her scent. You miss her a lot, now she lives in the Capitol and you are in Twelve, you always talk on the phone but it’s not the same thing. And she is about to get married. Everything is changing, and you are happy because it’s changing for the best, but you would want Effie Trinket in your life again everyday. «Thank you, Eff. You gave me a home when I needed one, and you always protected me.»

She blushes, she is not used to compliments anymore. «No, thanks to you. So, are you ready?»

«No.» You find yourself saying. Not of the marriage, but the wedding. You love a spotlight, you try to remember. Well, you love the idea of a spotlight.

«Yes you are!» She squeezes your arms.

«Yes I am. But what if I trip?» 

«Haymitch will catch you.»

«Oh. That’s really sweet.»

«Are we ready?» Finnick comes in, in his dashing suit (you made for him) and he offers you his arm. Thank heaven for Finnick on this day, this is just the face you want to see. «How are you feeling?»

«Scared to trip and fall. But apart from that, you were right. I know this is the right thing, I’m not scared of getting married.»

You hug him too. Somehow he is taller now, and you can tell by his eyes that he is really happy. He is living his best life in Four, with Annie and little Finn, who is growing up joyous and carefree. He will never live the games. Hopefully he will know the games from the school books, when he will be older.

They are trying to have a second child, hoping for a daughter. You are ready to spoil her rotten too.

«Good, because it’s time.»

You start walking, leaning a little to Finnick because of the heels, and you see the people in the aisle. You wanted a little district marriage and not a great Capitol wedding, and you had it but you also managed to gather together the people you love. 

Your mother is splendid in her light blue dress and now she looks even younger, calmer and happier. Next to her there are Cinna, Plutarch and Fulvia, Johanna and Finnick with Annie and little Finn, who is being a very good boy; Effie and Portia are on the other side of the aisle, with Chaff and Beetle. Mags and Tigris are in armchairs, because they are too old to be in chairs.

Ivy and Marjorie are here too. You didn’t want Marjorie at first, and Haymitch didn’t even think about it because he knew your position, but you wanted Ivy. You didn’t want to explain to the little girl why she wasn’t at your wedding. So you knocked at the woman’s door and you talked for hours. You will never be friends, but she explained the situation to you and she promised she would never do something like that again. You agreed to be civil, for baby Ivy. You swore to protect her, after all.  

Effie, Perla and Lora are behind you, the bridesmaid and the maid of honour. You are going to be Effie’s and she is yours. You designed their dresses to suit them, because your friends have to be beautiful.

On the other side, Peeta and Katniss are behind Haymitch.

Oh, Haymitch. He is dashing in his suit, and you didn’t even think he would have worn a suit, but he is and he is smiling about it. When you are next to him he winks at you.

«Do you want to take this woman as your wife, to live together in matrimony, to love her, to honour her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?» The major asks him.

«Yes.» He takes your hand and you have to resist the urge to smack him, because that’s not the tradition. «I would be crazy not to have her as a wife.»

You blush, and you blow him a kiss. The major represses the urge to roll his eyes, you just know.

«Do you want to take this man as your husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, to honour him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?» Now this is your turn.

You watch him with your doe eyes, and you keep your hands in his.

«Of course I want to!» You answer with joy.

«You may kiss the bride.» The major offers, and he barely ends the sentence before Haymitch takes you in his arms to kiss you with passion.

Twelve might be the poorest District, but you people know how to party. 

Not a Capitol party, a Twelve one. Katniss sings old songs, there is a band and everyone is dancing. Your mother is the heart of the dance, she was a wonderful dancer when she was younger. You watch Finn and Ivy giggling together, your best friends moving with the music and you find yourself happy. Mags and Tigris are sitting down, chatting like the old ladies they are, and Chaff is with them, remembering old days.

Everything is going fine now. Perla and Cinna are in Capitol City, trying to live an adult normal life, they are not talking about a wedding but they would like to have a child. Effie and Portia are on the verge of preparing for their special day, and you think you are going to spend a lot of time in the Capitol to help them, especially Effie.

Lora is living with you and Haymitch. She has good days and worse ones, but she is managing it. She wants to travel, when she will be better, to see other cities, other places, other districts. She sometimes babbles about going over the district, in the land where you don’t know what the hell is there.

You go near Haymitch and you kiss his cheek. He is thinking, alone on the porch, but he doesn’t startle: you can’t surprise him. He smells like wood and cologne today and it’s different, but good different.

Your husband. Now he is your husband. 

«So, we are married.» You state, a smile on your face. But he has his dose of dumb smiles on his face too, so you are not too worried.

«I’m very lucky to have you in my life, Sweetheart.» He circles your hips with his arm and he kisses you again. You’ll never get tired of it.

«And I’m the luckiest woman on earth. Sweetheart.» You mock him, but he just stays there, watching you like he just saw you hanging up the moon. Maybe it’s a bit too much, but you are not going to complain about it. «And apparently my mother likes you now.»

«She knows I love you.» He states, and strokes your hair. You know he loves your raven hair.

«You are not scared to say it.» 

«No, not with you. Not anymore.» He kisses your cheek and you are supposed to be worried about your makeup, but you danced your heart out and sang and you already made the pictures, so he can snuggle as much as he wants to.

«I’m serious when I say I’m so lucky.» You whisper. 

«You are a survivor, Daisy, this is not exactly being lucky.»

«Yeah, but now I have everything I want. My shop, two girls I can teach to, my friends, you.» You explain. «You are mine now, I can’t quite put the finger on it.»

«Totally yours, also because no one else wants me.» He jokes.

«Good! Just mine!» You are completely in his arms again, and you make a coy smile, hoping to be flirtatious. «I made some alterations to the wedding dress, so you can…» You finish the phrase in his ear, and you feel the grip becoming stronger. 

«You are a total minx.» He growls. Exactly the growl you wanted to have from him.

«And I’m yours. Are you happy?» You shameless flirt.

«You know what, yes. I am.» 

«Good. Because I have the intent to make us extremely happy for the rest of our life.» You promise. 

[kahlanmars]

'' You know Will Ferrell stole Wedding Crashers.''

[kahlanmars]

PAPER RINGS part. 11

Well, well, this is the last chapter before the finale!

MASTERLIST

11. Walk, walk, fashion baby

«I think you are crazy.» Perla watches you like you just told her to threaten a Capitol city girl to make her attend your fashion show.

Oh, wait.

You kinda did.

«We hate her. And she deserves it. Lora is in my bedroom, crying because of her.» And because of you, but at least you never kicked her out of your apartment. 

«You know she is not crying only because of her.» 

You scoff. Perla is not entirely wrong, but she is not fully right either. Lavinia used her from the start to connect herself with Thirteen people and old victors, to sell our life to paparazzi and cheap magazines. She made her believe she was her friend, she insinuated in her life with false promises and lies and then she tossed her away when she felt like she couldn't use her anymore. And Lora is barely an adult, she went through so much she really didn't need it.

«Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want to threaten Lavinia.»

Perla looks at you with her big blue eyes, and you can tell she is unsure of what she is supposed to do. Part of her begs to make her pay, because the Capitol girl hurt a friend of hers and she tends to be vindictive with the people who hurt her friends, but another part, the rational one, believes she can't be a part of a scandal anymore. And she is right, she works for the government now, she is the only one of us who is still in contact with the Thirteen government. She can't screw up everything she built for a revenge.

«I don’t want to get into troubles.»

«She is Capitol! Once in a lifetime we are the one with the power and she is the one who is being discriminated by the government.»

Your speech is wrong and you know it, but maybe, maybe, she could get something from it too. One of her scoops, she loves them so much.

«Nobody should be discriminated against something, Daisy.»  

«But we have been for ages! We still are! Don’t you want a bit of revenge?»

«I want justice, not revenge.»

«Ok, but I want revenge.» 

You feel the rage growing up in you. You were never that angry with Capitol city, not even before or during the Hunger Games. You envied them so much, you wanted their life, but you never thought it was their fault. They simply lived better than you, but they were ignorant, for most of their life no one told them they should have lived differently, and television filled them with fantasies and lies.

But now everything has changed. Now they know, and even if the truth is out there most of them choose to look at you and to the other districts like you were a lower form of life, and not the one who won the war.

It is unfair.

«Don’t complicate everything now that we have peace, Daisy.» She tries, but she is walking with you so she can’t oppose it too much.

«Oh come on, I’m not going to hurt her. This is advantageous for her too, she can come to a beautiful runway show and she can be part of history!»

Perla rolls her eyes, as she fights her smile. «You are so humble.»

«I was talking about Portia’s work, not mine.»

When you knock at the door and she opens it, Lavinia is in déshabillé, in a green dressing gown that you wish you had designed. It’s really beautiful. For a really awful person.

«Not you again.» The expression on her face is annoyed and irritated, and you suppose she is not entirely wrong, you are like a nervy mosquito.

«Yes, me again! Will you let us in, please, Lavinia? Please.» Your smile is saccharine, and there is no doubt you are faking it. She is matching yours. It’s funny, you are not used to something like this in the district. Twelve is poor and you suffer from hunger, but people are not fake. If they don’t like something about you, or even if they don’t like you at all, they tell you.

«Not a chance.» She tries to say, but you keep the door open with your feet and Perla goes in without any problem, and with that certain kind of class that always makes her such a badass.

«What about those pieces of art you have in your house, Lavinia? Does the government know about these?» Paylor doesn't, you are sure of it. After the war, Capitols had to give most of their art pieces to Panem, and Thirteen relocated them in museums and art galleries, free for everyone to see. They had the nerve to protest, saying those paintings and sculptures were the family heritage, and while you could understand the sentimental value, they risked having new Hunger Games in their house. This was definitely better as a punishment.

But they couldn’t understand.

Some of the families tried to hide the paintings, and Lavinia's was definitely one of them. Her house, from just what you saw, is full of stolen works of art and if you have to guess, she doesn’t want the Peacekeepers to know about it.

«This painting is really beautiful.» Your friend adds, looking at a picture frame hanging on the wall. It is stunning, a garden with a lot of colourful flowers, and you can tell it’s pretty expensive. 

«You assaulted me a few days ago and I didn’t tell anyone. And you have to come back? And for what, finish your work?»

«Lavinia, please! You didn’t report us because the government is not in your favour right now. You are Capitol, and you are the old kind, one the wealthy families who lost their fortune… Meanwhile, we are the winners. The districts won.» You wanted to talk, but Perla is handling herself so well you don’t dare to stop her. «And I’m working with Paylor. So, don’t you think it’s better for you if you listen to us?»

Lavinia, in her gown and her makeup and blonde hair done, looks at her perfect nails and she snorts. Effie would say it’s not very ladylike for a Capitol lady. «And what do you want to tell me?»

«Well, I would like some tea.» The Four girl begins, but you want to make it quick, before anyone realises how crazy your idea is.

«You will come to Portia’s fashion show.» You declare.

She just laughs like I made a really good joke. «You can forget about it, I’m not going to that District rubbish.»

You try not to be affected by her disgust. You know how she feels about you, and you are raving enough.

«Oh you will! It’s going to be the next big thing.» You state, but Perla is more effective and practical than you are.

«You will come and you will bring your friends, and you will cheer for Portia and, let me tell you, for the Mockingjay too if she wants to appear. Or I might tell someone about this little fortune of yours. Maybe even Paylor.»

She is really scary when she wants to, and now she wants to. You made the right choice asking her to come with you. You see Lavinia’s face go blank and she is a little paler than before.

«I suppose it’s a good agreement.» 

It’s a good agreement indeed.

The next few days are a real nightmare. You have never been more nervous in your life - and you almost died twice - and you feel like you have to run back and forth in every part of the city. Nothing is ready in time, the flowers are not perfect, the dresses are not the way you want, Cinna is never ready, and Portia is a nervous wreck. You stopped giving her coffee because you are scared she will have a heart attack.

It’s the last few days, you keep saying to yourself to prevent madness. Haymitch is a real saint, he takes care of Lora like he was her father and he comforts you at night, when you are too exhausted to go on with the modifications of the dresses but they need it. You lost count of how many cups of tea he made you.

And then, like magic, the day arrives. And you are shaking in your boots. 

When you open the locker room and you start to put makeup on you, you are shivering. This is your real chance, the last day you can use to start a name for yourself. You decided you don’t want anything to do with Capitol City, but you still want to be a stylist and this is your first, and maybe only, opportunity. And what if nobody will be there? What about Lavinia changing her mind?

They say you should wear casual clothing when you are presenting a runway show, but you chose to wear one of your creations instead, a light pink long dress with white flower embroideries, a low cut on your cleavage but it doesn’t show your legs, so your mother can be happy. You start to apply your makeup, you want to keep it light but shimmer, because people didn’t forget Princess Daisy and you want to revive that part of your life, but this time you are in control. This time you choose what to wear, what to say and this is not all for nothing, you are not going to die, you are going to live.

«Can I come in?»

You are very surprised when you hear Haymitch’s voice over the door, and you are so happy when he opens it and he kisses you. 

«Oh dear heavens, you are here!» You run to him and you sit on his lap, peppering his face with kisses. You agreed not to meet, because he is not a people person and a fashion show is not his cup of tea, but of course you weren’t that happy. And now he is there and everything is better, you don’t even feel that nervous anymore. And he is wearing the grey vest you made for him too! He looks very handsome.

«Of course I’m here, who do you think I am?» He scoffs and he takes you in his arms. Home, like always. The scent of wood and leather is familiar and it already calms you a little. He is your medicine.

«A hermit.» You deadpan, but you are willing to accept his kisses. 

«This hermit loves you.» He rolls his eyes. 

«I didn’t want to force you…» You explain. Since he forced himself to make that speech about his spaces, you try to understand him more. And a place with a lot of Capitol people who talk about fashion is not his favourite room in the world, you can sense it. Not to mention there will be drinks and you are not sure he is past that time of the rehabilitation where you can’t even see other people drinking. It’s better to be safe than sorry, he has been through so much you don’t want to repeat the process.

But he is here. For you.

«You didn’t force me and I can handle it. Can you?» He gets it, that you are not relaxed. You manage to be relatively calm with Portia because she is worse than you are - it’s her relaunch, her chance to be what she was before she sided with the rebels - but when you are alone with him there is no point in lying. Sometimes you feel like he always gets the worst part of you.

«Yes! Yes, I can. I can handle it.» You try to smile. And definitely fail, if his face is any indicator.

«Sweetheart…» He slides his hands on your arms in a relaxing way. His way to make you confess the truth.

«I’m terrified.» You blurt out.

He wraps his arms around your hips and you sigh against his chest. What if you trip and fall down the stage, what if the people start to boo you, what if Portia can’t go out because she is terrified…

«You are good.» He assures you. And, just because he knows you so much and he knows how much you want to be distracted right now, he starts kissing your neck. You give him major access, humming in pleasure. He is a very talented man in many things, he is smart, intelligent, cunning and calculating, but oh boy, how he kisses you. Nothing can compare. You can’t quite understand if it’s natural talent or he made some Capitol women very happy in his rebel years.

«If something goes wrong…» You try to add, slightly closing your eyes at his delicate touch. He sits down and you climb on his lap. 

«Nothing can go wrong.» He murmurs against your skin. He doesn’t undress you just because he knows there is no time for that, but you get he is turned on.

«I threaten Lavinia to make her and her Capitol friends come.» You protest, and he stops his act of seduction to chuckle. When he meets your eyes, they are so filled with pride you could think you began the revolution yourself. 

«That’s my girl.»

«Haymitch…» You suppress a laugh, he is so cute. He doesn’t want to hear it, but he is. 

«What? I’m proud of you.»

You watch him, adoration in your eyes. «I love you.» 

«I have a present for you.» He states out of nowhere. And you are a kindergarten baby sometimes, especially when it comes to presents, so you are immediately curious. 

«For me?»

«No, for Portia. Of course, for you.» 

«If you think a gift can make the situation better and lower my anxiety… you are absolutely right, thank you!»

He looks at you and he shakes his head, well knowing how your reaction would have been. And then he tosses you a little red box.

Ok, it can’t be a ring, because you have it on your finger, and it can’t be a bracelet because he already gifted you with one. A very handy one.

You open it and you gasp. It’s a little golden pin with a little pinecone.

«Oh Haymitch, it’s really beautiful.» You whisper, very touched. It’s a pin, like the mockingjay pin, and he is always very careful with meanings.

«It’s golden.» He points out, «You know, Effie has her hair, I have the bracelet and I gave it to Finnick, Katniss has her pin and Peeta has the medallion. It’s our team, but it’s my family too.  And you are very much part of my family. You are my family, Sweetheart.»

You rush back into his arms and you kiss the hell out of him. «We are a family.»

He nods. «It’s time. Remember I’m with you.»

The fashion show is about to start and the backstage is pure madness. You, Portia and Cinna are running back and forth to make sure everything is okay, and the models are just stunning in the new dresses.

You have to thank your friends so much for the favour.

Lora is the model for District Eleven. She is not completely okay yet, but she rested a lot and she made an appointment with Doctor Payne, Haymitch’s therapist. It’s not okay for her to have the same psychologist as him, especially if she is going to live with us, but it’s either him or Doctor Aurelius, and the poor woman is overworked.

Lora is very beautiful. She wears a black mini skirt and an orange top, her hair is tied back and she has a strong golden makeup that takes up the top colour. 

Perla and Finnick, bless them, run for District Four. Both stunning as always, Perla is rocking her siren blue dress with embroideries that recall a fishnet, and Finnick is so elegant in his white suit. 

You tried for a moment to convince Haymitch to walk for Twelve because you had some men’s clothes, but you know better, and it turns out Delly, Peeta’s friend, was up to it, and you used the dresses you designed. She is going to walk in your piece. A cobalt blue long dress with a corset filled with little diamonds, from the district’s mines. She looks like a queen from a fairy tale, exactly like you wanted her to be, a character from the district tales.

Effie, the model from the Capitol, is the last one in the program, and rightfully so because she has been a model before, and she knows how to close a runway. Her outfit is toned down compared to the Hunger Games’s ones, but she is very classy in a tight red sparkly gown with a low cleavage. Her natural beauty is celebrated.

You hear the music going up and you watch the fashion show begin. At first you feel so nauseous you want to puke, but after a while you understand everything is going well. There are a lot of seats taken, and the people are clapping, they enjoy themselves. You watch Portia, but she still seems nervous, maybe because she has to make a speech to close the thing.

And so, soon she takes a microphone and begins to talk.

«Thank you! Thank you so much for this warming welcome. It’s been almost a year since we didn't do a runway or a fashion show, and coming back has been the greatest gift. I want to thank you all, but especially my friends who collaborated with me for today. We all know and adore Cinna, the Mockingjay’s stylist!» The camera stops on Cinna, who waves and greets the audience.

«And Daisy Pinecone, everyone! The last tribute!» This is not exactly true, because Lora and Perla are the last tributes too, but you know what she meant and you hope they won’t get angry about it. You follow Cinna's example, and you feel a little like the Princess Daisy you used to be in the games.

«And now, if you want to excuse me, I have to do something for myself. I want to thank a very special someone on this very special day.» The camera moves on Effie, who is sitting on the first row, and a model helps her get on the stage. «My beautiful woman, you have been the light of my life for so long. You are the person I go to when I feel down or I’m scared. I know I neglected you but I was so focused on this, and… let me make it up to you for the rest of my life.»

Portia goes down on one knee and you gasp. She is proposing. She is proposing to your best friend! And without telling you first, you could have helped her. «Euphemia Trinket, will you marry me?»

Effie, bless her, probably knew everything from the start but she is happily crying. «Yes! Yes I will!»

Everyone is happy. This is it, this is how you want to picture this memory.

You close the locker room behind you and you find Haymitch smirking on the sofa. He saw the show, you know it, but he disappeared before the paps could start asking him questions. That he doesn’t do anymore. He decided he is not a public figure anymore, and you respect his privacy. After all, the fashion show is a big thing for you, not for everybody. Holly for example didn’t come, saying she is too old to be in the Capitol and she demanded a lot of pictures from the night.

«It went well! It went well, don’t you think?» You are exhausted and ecstatic and you wrap your legs around his hips with a jump in a well practised move. He stands up and puts his hands under your butt, maybe to carry you better, maybe because you know your boyfriend and he loves to put his hands on you.

«You were perfect.» He reassures you, and he kisses you with a burning passion on your lips. His callous hands go south, and south… he is going to be the death of you sooner or later.

«And the other things?» You ask again. The press wanted to talk to you, and to Cinna and Portia, and it seems like your plan succeeded, because a lot of Capitol people saw young and famous socialites at the show and that was good publicity.

«I don’t know, I noticed you. You were ravishing, baby.» 

You laugh, your oblivious almost husband. How could you be so ravishing in comparison with models dressed in beautiful outfits, you have no idea. «Did you get bored?» 

«Nah, I was focused on you. Now, as much as I like you being on top of me… and I like it very much, we have to sit because you decided you wanted an old man.» 

«I still want an old man.» You bite his neck, and you feel your desire growing. His vest is so hot because you designed it exactly with this thought in mind: stripping him. «You were the hottest man in the room.»

«The years pass, but you remain delusional. That’s a relief.» He winks at you and starts peppering kisses on your neck. «Is the door locked?»  

«I don’t know, but I don’t care.» You unbutton his shirt and he reaches for your hands, laughing. 

«I’m the responsible one and I should…»

«You have never been the responsible one, don’t lie to me! I’m high on success and that is the last night we get to act like Capitols so please… be a little crazy. For me.» You feel so young tonight, so young and in love.

When you hear a knock on the door you try to shout to wait outside, but Effie opens it without any care.

«Effie! You are engaged!» You get up from Haymitch - who briefly complains but he knows you too much - and you run to Effie to hug her. 

«I suppose I am!» She squeals and you can feel how happy she is, «Did you know about this?»

«No! No, Portia must have thought I couldn’t lie to my best friend.» And maybe, just maybe, she was right.

«If you two have finished talking like chipmunks, can I congratulate the Princess?» Haymitch interrupts you, to hug Effie. You always forget Effie is not your Effie and Haymitch has not always been your Haymitch, and the two of them have been friends for over a decade before knowing you.

«So, we will have two weddings this year!» Effie adds, pleased, and you realise now, after the fashion show, it’s time.

You are about to get married.

[kahlanmars]

This would totally be a Daisy creation

Cucculelli Shaheen

[kahlanmars]

PAPER RINGS part. 10

Hiii! I really appreciate your likes and comments <3

MASTERLIST

10. Take me home

You can’t sleep so much that night. You watch over Lora most of the time, wrapped in a blanket, and she opens her eyes suddenly. She is scared, like she is in the games again, and you can recall many times you did the same, waking up exhausted and terrified because in your mind you are in the arena again. Effie and Haymitch lull you for hours when it happens, but she is recovering swiftly. You are sad she had to get used to the episodes, like Haymitch when he was a boy, because you don’t picture Chaff as a guy that cuddles you in the time of need. He can’t. He has his demons to deal with.

«Ehi kiddo.» You try to sweeten your voice not to scare her more. You feel exhausted too and you caught yourself looking over your shoulders a few times in the night. 

«Where am I?» She asks, and she looks so lost. She is adorable but you don’t feel like she would have the same idea.

«Effie’s house. She is at Portia’s.» Effie has been a real saint about this. 

«Hi.» Lora is fully awake now, you know that because you watched her all night. She goes on and off with the naps but she is never fully awake.

«Hi, Sweetheart.» You hear yourself and you chuckle in embarrassment, because you clearly spend too much time with your boyfriend. «Are you feeling better?»

«A little. Have I scared everyone?»

«Just me and Haymitch, and Effie later. We can keep it between us.»

«I’m so sorry, I felt so lost. So guilty.»

«We are not mad at you, I’m not mad at you. I just always forget you are nineteen.»

«I miss my family.» She whispers and you can understand only partly. You still have your mother, even if she is far away, and despite you being an orphan you have never felt completely alone in your life. You remember Lora’s family from the reaping videos. She had a little brother, both her parents, a grandmother. And now she doesn’t have anyone because Snow bombed district Eleven after bombing district Twelve. Eleven was the major ally during the revolution. Rue was never forgotten. 

«I know. I miss my district. And I know we are not your family, but if you want you can stay with us.» Every word seems wrong, but also it’s not possible to shut up. You are not really good at this. 

«Effie has been beyond generous, and I just feel so rude. I don’t want to impose myself.» You shake your head.

«I didn’t mean with Effie, I meant with us. Me and Haymitch, if you want I can ask him. He won’t say no, he can’t say no to kids in need. He is the adoptive father of a thousand children.» You hope he won’t say no, you hope you are not making it up. You think you know your soon to be husband.

«But you two are so pretty together and… I would ruin it.» You can’t lie to yourself, you thought that too when Perla and Cinna decided to take her in. But now you get it, you get why she decided it. And your house is bigger than the ones in the city, you still will have plenty of space.

«What? No, we will always be pretty, you can’t ruin anything. Just think about it, okay?»

She smiles, but it doesn’t reach the eyes and she tortures her fingers. She is covering herself with a white blanket, maybe she is still a bit in shock. You are not a therapist, you don’t know those things. Maybe she is just tired, exhausted. 

«I just thought that after the war I would have had a goal in my life. I wanted to live so bad, and you have all found a place in this world. Perla is thriving in this life and her new job, you are always working in that big office with Portia, and Effie has a job in the bank now. I can’t find anything and I don’t have a purpose.»

This is so wrong. You shouldn’t live to have a purpose, you should live to enjoy things. But a thought like this is not practical, and you are trying to be practical.

«You are young.» You try nonetheless.

«People in my district…»

«People in your district didn’t go through the Hunger Games!» You protest, «You have been a soldier. Haymitch always says we are survivors, and even if he doesn’t think of it like a positive thing, we are. You were in the hospital for a while, you need time! Time to figure out what you want to do in life, but also time to understand who you are. Not the Lora who is worried about others' expectations and what she should be doing, the other Lora, the one who is free. Because you are free now.»

You are so caught in your speech that you don’t watch her, and when you see her eyes they are full of tears. «Can I really stay at your house for a while?»

«Yes. We will ask Haymitch, but if he doesn’t want to we still have plenty of empty houses in the victor’s village. We can stay in Twelve.» You promise, and you are rewarded with a very big hug.

Finnick is in his room, which is the guest’s room. He is not so much of a guest now, he has been in the Capitol for a while. You need to thank him so much, you always need to thank him. He saved your life so much you lost count of it, he never asked for anything in return - well you did kill Caius for her, but he didn’t know it.

«How did Annie react?» You want to know, a dagger of guilt in your chest. That magazine didn’t do much harm to you, because Haymitch has been in the game for a while and he knows when something is not true. He didn’t think for a second you could have cheated on him with Finnick, and he doesn’t care much for public humiliation. He had a charade as an old disgusting drunk for a decade.

Annie is completely another thing. She is strong, she knows the Capitol’s game and she knows how to handle those problems, she loved Finnick through his horrible life, when he was sold as a prize. But for her it has always been the truth, a truth he didn’t want, but the truth. And now she thinks she is finally free, after the war, after being captured by Snow and the torture, her and Finnick are married, monogamous and happy. 

She must have hated being under the spotlight again.

«She got it. She doesn’t doubt me, or you by the way. She likes you. She particularly liked the clothes you sent Finn.» That makes you happy. You don’t know her that much, in Thirteen you were a little more worried about not being charged for murder than making new friends, but she seems so sweet. You remember her from the games and after, when everyone thought she couldn’t last for long. And yet, with a little help from Mags and Finnick, she stayed alive. She fought all her problems and she won. 

«I love sewing clothes for babies, it was a pleasure.» You sit near to him on his bed and you rest your head on his shoulder. «You know, since I’ve been in this damn town all my friends have had problems, but you… are you all right? You seem all right.»

But Perla also seemed all right and she definitely was not, she just didn’t feel like talking about it. And if you didn’t show up unannounced at home one day, you couldn’t have surprised Effie crying on the sofa. So it’s better to be safe than to be sorry.

«I am, Dai. I really am fine for the first time in years.» Okay, now you are safe. Not because of his words, but the smile he has is genuine.

«So I should not be worried about you.»

«No, but… you shouldn’t be worried about any of us, I think you have some problems too.» That’s preposterous. Everyone has problems, but he saved your life twice if not three times, Effie offered you a home when you didn’t have one, Portia bought you what you needed and Perla and Lora always listened to you. 

«Well yes, but I manage well. And I have Haymitch.» Your voice gets softer. Since you two made up everything looks better. 

«Yeah, speaking of him, is everything okay between you two? I don’t like when he makes you cry.»

«He is a good man, Finnick. He just can’t communicate much.» And you hate how you feel when you defend him. You always sound to yourself like he is awful and you are just hiding it, but you are telling the truth, he is a horrible talker and he has his flaws and yet he is one of the best people you ever met.

«I know he is a good man, he helped me a lot when I was a young victor, but I just can’t help but worry for you. And you usually have a hard time asking him anything.»

«Yeah but he gets it.»

«He didn’t, this time.» He deadpans.

«He has been wonderful for two years. We had a fight, but he came for me. I’m happy.» And you really are. 

«As long as you are happy.» He doesn’t seem very convinced by it, but he lets it go, which is a good sign. 

You look at him. Your friend. The handsome man on the television is one of your best friends now. And he is a father, he is missing his son too much. At that age you go out for two weeks and yours is another child. 

«You should return home. Finn must miss you so much, and Annie is alone with a lot of work.» You resonate. And you can see he wants to go home but he is worried.

«Tigris and Mags are with her.» You snort. You met Tigris twice, and she is wonderful, a true force of nature, but she is eighty, older than President Snow when he was alive. Mags is lovely, but life put her on a tough path. 

«Tigris and Mags are ancient. You helped me so much, Finnick Odair, and I love you, but you miss them too.» 

«I love you too. Are you sure that everything is okay?» He takes your hand and squeezes it. 

«Very sure.» 

He gets up, and you too. Maybe he will take the train tomorrow, or the day after, and you enjoyed the time you two had together. Well, maybe it could have been better without three days of uninterrupted crying, but it has been good.

«So it's goodbye.»

You shake your head. «Not for long! You and Annie will come to the runway, right? And for my wedding.»

«Wedding. Daisy Pinecone, a bride.»

«Daisy Pinecone Abernathy, please.»

«Weird. I hope you won’t mind if I dress in white.»

«You stupid boy.» You laugh, but you don’t mind when he pulls you in a hug. You don’t want to cry, because in two or three months you will see him again, and you can always spend the holidays in District Four with him and Perla. 

«Oh and you are marrying a man.»

«Stop pestering me! I will miss you.»

«I will miss you too, Dai.»

You are exhausted when you come back home, but when you see Haymitch standing in front of the kitchen, making some tea, you hug him from behind. His strong hands… This piece of man is all yours. And he is beyond generous, a good person, and it doesn’t hurt that he is so attractive.

«Hi, my love.» You lean on him, and you dare smack his butt. 

He turns around and smirks against your lips. «Hi, pervert almost wife.»

«You misspelt “Perfect”.» You really want to deadpan his joke, but you watch him and you feel immediately more relaxed. A rising of love. «Thank you.»

«For what?» He raises an eyebrow. 

«For being the best boyfriend ever?» You really can’t believe how good he is. He took care of Lora without thinking twice, in his style: no words, just facts. He shut up and handled the situation without making a fuss, because she is a child in need and he has a soft spot for children in need, either human or cats.

«What happened?» And of course he is still paranoid. If you thank him, it must be because you have a terrible disease, or something really bad happened and he doesn’t know that yet, not because you love him and you want to show him. What’s to love, after all? He is not big on confidence. The only thing he is sure about is his intelligence, and you are aware he is suffering from the alcohol recovery. The brain is still there in all his glory and he is still a freaking genius, but sometimes he is slower than before.

«Nothing.» You kiss his shoulder. «I just missed you a little. Plus, you have a very nice ass.»

«A little?» He catches you in his arms, lifting his eyebrows. He deepens his voice for the scene and you have to stop yourself from kissing the hell out of him again, because his voice makes you feel like you are about to combust. «A little?!»

«A lot! A lot!» You try to yell but it doesn’t matter. He throws you over his shoulder and he drags you on the couch.

He takes you in his arms and he places a rather chaste kiss on your neck. You hum in pleasure, so happy you almost purr. This place, you being in his arms on a couch without any close danger, any revolution or Capitol City and Snow watching you like a hawk. You are still full of problems and nightmares and sometimes you feel like you are still in the eye of the storm, but you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

«I love you so much, Mr. Abernathy.» You whisper against his ear and then you kiss him, his tongue fighting with yours in a sweet battle.

«I love you too, Sweetheart. I was thinking…» He tries, but you interrupt him.

«Did it hurt?» You joke, your eyes sparkling. He always says things like that to Effie, and sometimes you return the favour. But you also want to reassure him, so before he could do anything you kiss his cheek and mutter «Man with a big brain.»

He smiles at you, but he does the expression he always does when he wants to be serious. «We can take care of the kiddo.»

You were going to ask him, maybe after a dinner with candles, a nice dress and some steamy sex, but you didn’t expect him to volunteer. But after the discussion you two had a few days ago, you are not sure he can handle it. 

«Are you sure? You don’t like people and-» And sometimes, just sometimes, he wants to do something but he can’t. He spends days in the bed because he can’t deal with sunlight, people and he trembles too much for his liking. Katniss and Peeta are used to it and they respect you enough to let you mother them a bit, just to check if they have had an episode and if they eat, but with Lora it’s different. Lora is your friend, and you are not sure you have that kind of relationship.

«She is just a year older than Katniss. And I would want someone to take care of her if I was dead.»

You used to forget she is little. She is very young. You bite your lips, not very sure of what is best to do. You want Lora, but are you really that far from Chaff? Chaff is not capable of taking her because he has an alcohol problem, he is severely traumatised. And you are not? And Haymitch is not? You are not ready for a child, but you are ready to take care of Lora?

«You really wouldn’t mind? I know you wanted your privacy.»

And he wanted some time of his own! And now you are taking an almost teenager to his house. Well, not his house, you just had a big conversation about that not being just his house, your house too.

«Ours is a big house, and District Twelve will be good for her.»

You snort. «You think District Twelve would be good for everybody.»

But it would be. She needs some time to think without pressure, and Twelve it’s just the right place. You can work and you can smell the air, you can press pause to your worries for a while. It was good for you for six months and you miss it. And Eleven is not far, if she has an aunt or an uncle, or she wants to visit Chaff, or she simply wants to go home, she can do it quickly.

«Because it would. You, for example, are a district Twelve girl and you came out pretty good, mh?» He looks at you like he wants to ravish you. He watches your legs, your cleavage, he ogles you without shame and you just have to stop and take his face in your hand to kiss him with heath. 

«”Pretty good”? Is that how you want to talk about your future wife?» You raise your eyebrow, trying to look imperturbable. You are not. He is so hot, it’s not your fault.

«My cocky wife doesn’t need her ego stroked.» He whispers on your lips.

«I hope you won’t think you’ll have something else stroked then.»

He chuckles and he leans his forehead to connect it with yours. «Nobody believes in your sex strikes, babe.»

«I wonder why!» You laugh, but he is the one with his hands on your back. «Can I ask Lora, then? If she wants to come with us?»

«Yeah. Plus, we colonised Effie’s house enough. Me and the kiddo can go home and you will come on the weekends.»

You don’t want him to leave. You don’t like the city, you don’t like living without him and you don’t want to burden him with Lora alone. You will miss Effie, but he is right: you are bothering her. She is too classy and polite to tell you, but she is becoming insufferable and she has every reason to be. It’s her home, she wants to stay in with Portia, to fool around, and she is embarrassed. 

«Haymitch…» You whisper.

He strokes your hair and puts a kiss on your head, and he makes you smile for these little caresses. «Do you want me to stay? We can book a hotel or something.»

You shake your head. You don’t want to stay in Capitol City anymore. You thought it was a great city full of opportunities for you, and maybe it is but you want your home now. Six months were enough.

«I want to go home too. The Capitol is not for me, I thought it was, but it’s not.»

You thought he would have jumped in joy, but he stares at you for a moment, confused and conflicted. «But you are good at what you do.»

«I am! I finally am, and I’ll come back on the weekends and for the meetings with Portia. And occasionally I think I’ll come for sleepovers with Effie and Perla too, but I miss my home.»

He relaxes. He hates the Capitol, but he doesn’t want you to give up on your dreams. 

«Come back, then.»

«Would that be like losing?» He lifts you up and you wrap your legs on his hips. He immediately hugs you back.

«Oh, sweetheart no… you learned so much. You just don’t like this hell of a place, that’s only sane of you.» He places small kisses on your neck. «You spent your whole life in Twelve, and when you came here you were a celebrity. Now you are experiencing the real city for the first time, and if you didn’t like it, I respect it. I don’t like it either.»

«I love you.» You whisper, «I love you because you get what I want, and I love you because you are the most generous man alive, and I love you because you are willing to take care of Lora...» 

He stops you, smacking your ass, and you giggle, completely in love. You cage him in a big kiss. 

«Come on, stop. I kinda want you to come home.» He confesses, when the need for air is unbearable.

«You want to?»

«Yeah, I can’t wait.» He murmurs in your ear like it’s a big secret.

«I can't wait to be home. Do you think I could rent a laboratory or an office in the village? I could work there and then come here to collaborate with Portia.»

«I think it's a good idea.» 

«Well, maybe Portia hates my sketches and I’ll never make the fashion show with her and Cinna.» You smile, trying to hide the fear.

You go to the office with a lot of drawings and a heart that pumps too hard for your own good. You are not scared by Portia anymore, but nonetheless you don’t want her to think you are not good at your job. These months have not been the greatest or the easiest of your life, but you have one thing more than before: now you believe you are a good stylist. Not the best, you still have a lot to learn but you remember when you wanted to come back because you didn’t feel like you belonged there. Maybe you don’t belong in the city, maybe the Capitol is not good for you but the job is. You want to create with the fabric, you crave to make your own designs and patterns and dresses. You just want to do that in District Twelve.

«Portia?» You call her when she arrives, and you hand her the coffee you bought her. «Can I talk to you for a second?»

«Of course.» She spots the drawings on your desk, way happier than before because of the cup she has on her nail polished hands. «Are these…?»

«Yes.» Your voice trembles a little, and it’s stupid, you have been working with the woman for six months now, you fought with her in a revolution, she is not supposed to make you feel scared. And yet you fear her judgement.

«Come.»

You understand this is Portia’s great comeback and you don’t want to ruin it for her. She is a great stylist, and she works with Cinna, so it’s like making a cupcake with a chef. The cupcake might be cute and sweet and a welcomed snack, but it’s not gourmet. But you are also District Twelve, which means the last one who has to go. You are quite sure Portia will be the very last, maybe with a Capitol dress or another idea, but Twelve is expected to be flawless since it’s the district of the revolution. 

«First of all, I want to thank you again for the opportunity.»

«Well it’s not just for you, I mean… You are good and I want my runway to be the best.»

With a bit of fear - a lot of fear - you show her your sketches. You drew a lot, but then you chose your best ones for Portia and the others are in your bag, just in case she doesn’t like the first ones. 

The first is a green long dress, meant for a thick fabric for winter, with bell sleeves and a pleated skirt, embroideries of black flowers, a reminder of the mines. The second a summer one, an orange one, like a sunset in the meadow, with an asymmetrical circle skirt and bishop sleeves, a white ribbon under the nape.

And the third one is…

«A flower.»

You didn’t mean it like a daisy, it’s an empire waist dress, it starts with a celeste, then a light green, yellow and light pink on the top. They are very pastel colours, but you imagined a dress that a kid from the district wants for a ball like this. Colours and a princess vibe. You surely wanted it.

«So what do you think?» You ask, a little nervous.

«I like them. They have mistakes, but they are good. I want them.»

You breathe for the first time in an hour. «So I can make them.»

«Yes you can and you should. We have a month.» Of course you started them, but you have to finish. «And it’s not going well, by the way. Not many people want to connect themselves with us.»

«Rebels?» You try.

«Yes, that too.» The way she smiles at you, like she is very ashamed of what she is thinking, tells you that the rebel part is not the important one.

«Districts.» You assume.

«Models don’t want to work with us and sponsors are not answering our calls. This is a bit of an impasse.»

You look at her, that disappointed look, and you have an idea. It’s not a nice idea. It’s an idea that will give you trouble. 

«Would you trust me?» Would you trust a condoned murderer? Just one is the right answer. But Portia gives the other one.

«Yes?»

«Good! Then give me half a day. And a Perla!» 

«Perla?» She is unsure now, and rightfully so.

«Yes, I’ll need Perla.» You quickly stand up and you take your bag, because if you stop and you think about it - or worse, if you talk about it with someone - you will change your mind. 

And Perla needs to vent some anger.

[kahlanmars]

THE CHAPTER IS COMING I SWEAR!

[kahlanmars]

no consuming this media isnt enough i need to go on a walk and think about it to music

[kahlanmars]

EFFIE TRINKET IN THIS

Tony Ward

[kahlanmars]

PAPER RINGS part. 9

Helloooo! THANK YOU for all the likes!!! BTW here and on AO3 they suggested Ana de Armas for Daisy and I honestly love her.

MASTERLIST

9. Deep waters

The bad feeling doesn’t lose you for the trip. You walk and you take a bus, you get lost two times but finally you find Lavinia’s apartment. You hope she won’t think you are crazy, but Lora is nineteen. Technically an adult, but Katniss is just a year younger and she needs a legal tutor. And the way she talked to you at the party is not… is not Lora. Lora is kind, gentle, and she is always an optimist. If she changed so much in such a brief time it is all your fault, you and Perla should have listened to her more.

You ring the bell, but nobody answers you. So you ring again, you are not exactly a patient person. You are well aware you look crazy, flying around in your red shirt and black jeans, an outfit so not you, but you had other problems this morning and you thought you were going just to Perla’s home.

Instead you are running around the streets of Capitol City. Fine streets of Capitol City, too fine to not feel a little overwhelmed.

«Lavinia? Do you remember me? I’m Daisy. I was looking for Lora.» You yell. Holly would be horrified by your manners - one day she scolded you because you said “Thank you” badly, it wasn’t that you didn’t say “Thank you”, you said it badly, that how your mother is, and probably Effie too, but you need to know where she is.

It’s effective nonetheless, because she hears you now. Or she heard you before but now she doesn’t want you to embarrass her. 

Effective either way.

«She is not here.»

She finally opens the door. Lavinia is always beautiful, but she looks ready to go out even if it’s just four p.m.. She wears a beautiful long blue gown that looks like a butterfly. It has diamonds on the corset and long lighter blue sleeves. It’s exquisite, and you are quite jealous you don’t have one like this, but she looks… vintage, maybe. Definitely before the revolution. It gives you the ick, like nothing you lived ever happened. Then again you see how Effie looks at her older dresses, how much she wants to try them on, and there is nothing bad about it.

She doesn’t let you in. Like she has a big secret or something.

«Didn’t she move in?» You ask her. Your makeup must be smudged now and maybe you look a little scary. Good. You suddenly remember she must have seen you on television last year. She saw you surviving a shark, the caves, she saw you saving Lora from the sagittaria and she definitely saw you killing Clark.

«Well, no. We thought about it, but then in the morning she stormed out.»

She sounds like she has no idea what happened, but the girl you know doesn’t behave like that and Lavinia is a mediocre actress. But the point still stands, a nineteen year old girl is missing.

«Stormed out? Oh, please, let me in. I’m worried.» She has to feel the urge in your voice, doesn’t she? She is Capitol but she has a heart too, the way she moves, like she is not interested at all in Lora, makes your blood boil.

«I’m sorry, I’m busy.»

She is busy. Busy.

You force the door. You are heavier than her and definitely more pissed. The look on her face tells you she is scared of you, but now you don’t care anymore that her blonde hair is shiny or her face is perfect or her legs are endless, you don’t care she is more than you, her apartment is big and rich. You look around a little, her apartment is huge, bigger than Effie’s and still full of trinkets. It doesn’t look very lived, though. It looks like a magazine that wants to sell you a house, not a home. The couch is cream, the walls are white, everything is clean and spotless, but it’s not natural for a home to be so immaculate. You don’t even remember the last time your house, old or new, has been so stainless. Probably never.

She still has a housekeeper. She is still rich. 

«She is your friend too, you don’t want to know where she is?!» You are raising your voice, but right now you are very proud of yourself because you are not jumping her throat.

«Listen, we are not friends, we go out sometimes, that’s not a friendship.»

You clearly remember the two of them going out together for months. And now that piece of garbage tells you she is not her friend, probably because she is district, or not wealthy enough for her. 

«Where is she?!» You are growing angrier and angrier every minute you spend with Lavinia. Breath, Daisy, breath.

You don’t breathe really well because the next thing you do is take her arm in a very strong grip.

«I don’t know where your friend is! Let me go!» Her voice is squeaky. I could break her arm, she is so slim she can’t be strong, I can outstrong her easily. But I don’t need to do this, I can’t let my rage win. I never killed because I wanted to, I always did it to protect someone and this wouldn’t protect Lora.

You let her go. She looks scared but she stays in her place.

«What are these?» On the sofa there are pictures. Pictures of you and Finnick. You are crying and he is consoling you, everything is innocent but you have to admit that from some angolations it looks like you two are kissing. Studied angolations, and there are a lot of those. Pictures with you and Effie, with you and Perla, Perla and Finnick, Finnick and Effie. It’s like someone, her, was trying to catch something. The victors in the Capitol with sparkly dresses in a famous club. Like you are wasting your victory and you are becoming what you fought for so long.

«What?» You ask. It’s not like you trusted her, but this is traumatising anyway.

«If you don’t leave my house I’ll call the police.» She is more dignified now, but you don’t really need the police. You are charged for a murder, you are a rebel, and people don’t like you anymore after the pass-pro.

«Did you take these?» You ask her, in a really angry tone. You can’t believe she saw you crying and the first thing she thought was “Oh, I’m going to make a lot of money with her tears!”. Little bastard.

«Daisy, please.» Her voice is so calm, you don’t think she understands the urgency of the situation.

«Did you take these pictures of me and Finnick?» You yell, and you throw her over a wall. She is so thin it’s not even difficult, even if you were ready to play tough. Finally her eyes are terrified.

You would like some recognition for being a Hunger Games survival.

«Where is Lora?» You repeat, getting annoyed and tired of it.

«S-she found the photos and she started screaming…» 

«Of course she started screaming! You took these pictures, it is all your fault.» You let her go. You are not a monster, you don’t want her scared all the time, you just want to find your friend.

«Come on darling, you were a tribute and you were entwined with Finnick Odair. You know how it works.»

She is so cocky now that she is far away from you, but when you take a step close to her she shuts up. Good. She is hitting your nerves.

«You are a model. Did you have to?» You can’t imagine she doesn’t have money. She is out clubbing every night.

She has the audacity to light a cigarette. You want to make her eat this damn cigarette.

«Someone was going to get these photos. I just took the chance. Don’t cheat on your boyfriend and this won’t happen.»

«I wasn’t chea- it’s not important now, okay? I just need to know what happened with Lora. She is young, and she doesn’t know the city as well as you. If she is alone, maybe she got lost.»

«She is an adult! She stayed alive during the games.» She doesn’t dare talk about the games like it’s a casual thing someone could run into. You were there because her people put you there. Lora was robbed of her life because of them. Now you understand the hatred Haymitch has towards Capitol citizens, they will never understand.  

«If you know where she is… Think, please.» Although for her it must be hard. 

«I mentioned something to her earlier.» She knew something, you were sure of it! 

«What? What did you mention?» 

«Oh, if she went there she would be very immature.»

«She is nineteen! She has every right to be immature!» You put a finger on your temple, trying not to strangle her. «Lavinia, I’m this close to hitting you and I’m really sensing that the only person who is trying not to hurt you it’s me, the person who is going to do it so please, just tell me and then shut up!»

«Capitol moved your arena into the city. They don’t know what to do with it, they tried to use it but they can’t, and they just put it there. I told Lora…»

The arena. You feel a shiver on your back. You don’t want to go to the arena, you don’t want to put a hand on it again. The most horrible experience of your life has been there. You would prefer to return to district Thirteen, but not the arena.

«Fuck, fuck, fuck.»

«She stormed out! She felt responsible or something. She said that she was my friend and I took the pictures, so…»

«And you let her go.» You accuse her. Of course she felt responsible, she probably got into a fight with Perla too, she said those words towards me and she probably thought Lavinia was her only friend left, and then she felt betrayed. That’s a mess, a raging mess.

«It was the dawn, I was wasted, she was wasted, it’s a miracle I remember it.»

You easily take the cigarette out of her hand - thanks to the exercises with Haymitch in the gym - and you watch her closely. 

«You hope I’ll find her soon.» 

You are frightened. Lora is alone and this is your fault too. Perla was busy with her job and with Cinna, and you too, but you knew she was fragile and she deserved more attention. She was alone, without her family, and Capitol City can be tricky. In no time you go from being happy for a new adventure to remain home because you are ashamed of who you are. You feel guilty because you don’t have the right clothes, less money than them, the right body type and because you are district. The revolution happened but they still think they are better than you, and Lora is District Eleven like you are District Twelve, the poorest districts. You have Effie that reminds you of your worth, but she is alone. 

It wasn’t hard to find the arena. It’s abandoned in a suburb area, you just had to take a bus to get here. It’s quite famous, if you don’t live in a bubble sewing and consoling your friends. You are positive Haymitch and Finnick knew that, but they tried to shield you.

You are not ready to come back to the arena. Even if you can see it’s all staged, it’s abandoned and there are no cameras, you don’t want to go there. You want Haymitch, you want Effie, you even want your mother who is in District Twelve and she definitely can’t come rescue you now. You start to shiver. You can’t. There is any public phone or shop nearby, so you can’t even warn anyone.

But Lora is in there, a voice tells you. Lora is scared and alone and maybe even in danger, because the place is wonky and unstable. And there are caves.

Dear heavens, you hope she is not hiding in the caves.

You trespass because there is no real security. 

It all seems… fake. The caves are not real, and with light you see the exit. You hope there are no more poisonous plants, but you dare walking fast and you scream your friend’s name.

You finally find her and she is a mess. She has been crying, her mascara is on her cheek. And she is near the Cornucopia, water between her and you.

Oh God, oh God. 

They couldn’t leave a shark in still water, right? Sharks die this way. They removed the shark. They definitely removed the shark.

Unless… How do you remove a shark? After a revolution, with no funds and no money, and you don’t imagine Capitol City being big on animal facilities. They used mutts for years without questioning any ethical issue. You suddenly remember the first hours in the arena, it hits you like a bus.

You run as much as you can to the caves, often falling, and suddenly from the ice emerges a giant black shark.

A shark.

You are going to be killed by a shark. There is no way you can run away from a huge shark, with a big mouth and big teeth. 

You calm yourself down. 

«Lora?»

She lifts her eyes up. She is in a dress, and she is soaked wet, she is going to catch a cold. And the Cornucopia is full of weapons, if they didn’t take them, they are rusting now and they are dangerous.

«Lora, now please… remain calm. I’ll be here.» You really, really, really don’t want to go into the water.

«Don’t come any closer!» She yells. She is shivering, you can see it and you feel so guilty and worried it’s choking you. You failed her, you failed Lora and now you feel helpless and powerless, you don’t know what to do. You damn yourself because you didn’t wait for Perla, she always knows exactly what to do. But you remember the time she almost died because of the sagittaria.

Lora still has the plants in her hands, and you take them from her to toss it on the ground. 

«Are you okay? Did you eat something?» You ask her frantically, watching her and touching her face in suspect of something weird on her body. 

She looks shocked, maybe she was friends with the other tribute, but she shakes her head. «No, I was about to but… no.» 

You almost faint in relief. «Dear Heavens, girl. You scared me to death.»

«That should be easy.»

No, now it’s not time to joke around. What was she doing here? You hope she didn’t want to do something terrible. You hope it was just a crisis and she wanted to be alone. You hope, but that is not enough.

«I didn’t want to do it, Daisy. It broke.»

It broke. They must have taken the cornucopia closer, and she walked there but then the little platform started moving to the centre, and she got trapped. Just like her situation in Capitol City.

«That’s a relief but now you have to take my hand.» Maybe she can come to you, because you don’t really think you are able to swim. You have never swam again after the shark.

«I can’t.» She is stuck, paralysed, she can’t walk. You get it.

The only opportunity you have is the bracelet that’s never out of your hand. Maybe Haymitch does not have the beeping thing anymore and he doesn’t know where you are, but there is the possibility that he kept it, your paranoid boyfriend. You adore that he is paranoid, it comes handy. You press the little daisy charm and you hope for the best, because that is the only chance.

«No, no you can.» You try to convince her but she shakes her head vigorously.

«I just wanted somewhere calm.» She explains. 

«And you had to pick a place with water?!» No, you have to calm yourself down, you can’t scream at her. You have to pretend you are in a class with kids. You were a teacher for a brief piece of time, you should be able to do it. At least, to do it. 

If you fall you are over, everything is over. But no, you have to fall, you have to swim to save her. You can freak out later.

«Everything is falling apart.» She whispers, but you catch it.

«No, Lora, don’t say that.»

«But it’s true! I don’t have a job, I don’t have a house, I don’t have someone who loves me!» That is not true. She managed to win even Effie over. She is adorable, everybody likes her. The only reason Chaff doesn’t want her in his house is because he has a severe problem with alcohol and he doesn’t want to be a danger for her.

«You have plenty of people who love you! You have me, you have Perla.»

«Chaff can’t take care of me. My mother and father are gone, and so are my brothers. I’m alone, Daisy, and I thought maybe Capitol could distract me but I feel so alone…»

She is alone. As you are, as Perla is, as everybody is in this city, but she is a little more alone because her parents died in the war and she is a kid who never had a chance to say goodbye.

«We can stay together, you can stay at my place!»

«You don’t really want me!»

You have no idea how to, but this can work. Haymitch likes Lora, you will go back to Twelve after the campaign and you think she will be fine in Twelve.

«Yes I want you! And you are scaring me.»

«I should be able to take care of myself but nothing is right. Nothing is right, nothing I do is right…»

«You survived! That is a pretty big thing and you are so young, you are barely twenty! Lora, you need to slow down. Give yourself time to understand what you want. You don’t have a job yet, and so what? You are a kid. Slow down, you are doing fine.» She is marvellous, that is the truth. 

«Am I?» She watches you for the first time.

«Yes. You survived, you are a survivor. And I love you. Perla loves you. Chaff loves you, baby we all love you.» Believe me, believe me, please believe me.

«But the pictures in the magazines are my fault.»

«Nothing happened! Haymitch and Annie didn’t believe any of it, nothing is ruined. Stay there, I’m coming.»

Every step you take in the water, much lower than in the games, you think the shark is going to catch you. It will bite you. It will murder. It’s over, it’s over, it’s over, that’s it, that is how you are going to die, all you can think about is their giant teeth.

And then you take her hand and you take Lora in your arms to lift her up, suddenly you are back in the land.

«Okay, it’s okay, we can stay here for a while. Just a while, until my legs begin to work again.» You murmur to her ears, and you lull her. «Everything is going to be okay.»

You two are both in shock, and when Haymitch walks towards you he finds you rocking with Lora, silent, in that damn arena.

Your fiancé is perfect. He deals with Lora, he takes her to bed and he leaves you alone for a while, to let you decompress.

When Haymitch finds you, hours later, you are shivering in the bathtub. Your hand is white and you feel like ice, the water is very cold. All you can think about is that you hate water. You could have fallen, maybe a shark was there. You can’t help but fix your thoughts on the giant teeth, the bite it could give.

«Sweetheart, what are you doing?» He takes your hand, and he gives you a look when he finds out it’s glacial. He kisses it. You hate to worry him, especially after a discussion. He has been great, he took care of Lora like she was Katniss and he let you deal with your emotions.

«Where is Lora?» You ask, lifting your head up to see him. He watches you with worry in his green eyes.

«She is sleeping, I made her hot tea and everything, don’t worry about the little one. I’ll check on her in a hour or two, but now she is exhausted. You, on the other hand.» He gets up to take a towel, «Are freezing. You are going to catch a cold, what are you doing in the bathtub?»

«Doctor Aurelius said to do this when I’m scared of water…»

It's not working the way it should be, you can still hear the water in the caves, you still have a foot in the Arena. The last Arena.

It's funny, you didn't think about it almost at all in District Thirteen. The war was on and you had to fight, to protect the ones you loved and to survive. 

After the war ended the nightmares began again, and most of them were, and still are, about water.

«Yeah, maybe with hot water. I’m lifting you up, okay? Is that okay?» He wants to be sure because one time you had a crisis. You were spiralling and he touched you, you didn't realise it was him, you were so scared. 

«Okay.» You whisper, and you close your eyes against his chest. He wraps you in a towel and keeps you in his arms, going straight to the bedroom. You are soaking his shirt, but he doesn’t seem to notice or he simply doesn’t care.

«Let’s put you to bed, Princess.» He tucks you under the sheets and he comes with you. You are immediately glued to his side, and you cry silent tears while he is petting you and playing with your hair. 

«Thank you so much. I’m sorry.» 

«You are sorry you just saved a life? Daisy, come on.» He is not big on cuddling, not without some heat, but he is just being flawless.

«But you have to take care of everyone.»

«Not everyone, just you. And I like that.» He lifts your chin up. «I like taking care of my wife.»

«I was just so scared of losing her.»

«You won’t.» He tights his embrace. «You won’t lose her.» Like I lost Maysilee. That’s the silent end. The girl he allied with, the original owner of the mockingjay pin, the little kid who died during the games, attacked by pink birds. Haymitch, at sixteen, stayed with her holding her hand until she died and then he won.

«I like taking care of you too.» You swear. You are not the only one who is bad sometimes, he still has an addiction, even if he doesn't touch alcohol anymore. He trembles and he occasionally throws up because he can't take it anymore. He is grumpy for days or he doesn't go out of his room. 

His ways are just different than yours.

You two stay silent for a while, but you can’t sleep. Everytime you close your eyes you only see horrible scenes, the shark who tries to kill you or Lora, Lora scared and alone, Perla during one of the crises, Effie who cries on the couch, Haymitch who tries and fails to stay sober.

Everyone you love is full of problems. The Games screwed up your people. 

«Do you believe in a God?» You whisper in his ear, because you know he is not sleeping either.

«Sweetheart…»

District Twelve does not ask questions about it. People there are just too busy to notice, or they wouldn’t like the answer. They knew something in the old days, you barely remember your grandmother singing an old, old song about a religion, a goddess or someone like that. “Salve Regina mater misericordiae, vita, dulcedo et spes nostra salve.” She sang it with her heart, but she memorised the words, not the meaning. Your mother tried to sing it to you but you were too little and she had other things in her mind.

But you keep thinking about Lora and the way she could have died in that damn arena. Having her in another life is a consoling thought.

«I nearly lost Lora today.» You put your head on his shoulders, crying. He pats and kisses your hair. «If there is a God, maybe I could see my parents in the afterlife. Maybe we are not so alone.»

He sighs. «You wouldn't like my opinions. But I do hope there is an afterlife, I hope my parents and brother are okay, I hope they are happy. And I hope we will be together even there.»

«So, you don't believe a God exists.»

«I don't know, but if there is someone they have to explain a lot of things. If God exists he has let innocent children get slaughtered for years, women dying in childbirth, not to mention the war… he is either not powerful enough or just plain evil.» He kisses your hair, «I don’t know if there is an afterlife or not, if it’s related to a God or even if there is a God, but I don’t trust it. I believe in you. I believe in my children. We have each other.»

You snuggle your nose against his cheek. «I believe in you too.»

«My beautiful, beautiful woman.» He bites your lips. «I don’t know if God exists, but I must have done something good in my life to have you.»

[kahlanmars]

a dilf saying “sweetheart.” 73 dead. 246 injured.

[kahlanmars]

I guess every lonely girl would hope she’s a Princess.

ANASTASIA 1997 | Don Bluth & Gary Goldman

[kahlanmars]

PAPER RINGS part. 8

MASTERLIST

HIIII.

Fist of all, THANKS!! And this part contains SMUT. Please, if you are minor don't read. It starts with *ear* and it ends with *love* in bold.

This chapter is just a cuddle from me to me. And you, if you ship Daymitch.

this is the gif just because Woody looks hot here.

8. Drew a map on my bedroom ceiling

It’s not a surprise when he starts kissing you with heat and he pushes you onto the mattress, and your body is craving for his touch. It’s like he burns you with his hands when he touches your skin, and there is no better feeling in the whole world. Well, maybe there is a better feeling, but you don’t want to be crude.

«Hay, before we start…» You try to say, which is hard if he wants you. And he definitely wants you. You are proud of the way he looks at you, and you are up to whatever he wants to do to show you he missed you and he is sorry, but you are also determined to clear the situation before.

«Didn’t we start already? I missed you. I was miserable without you. When I thought I lost you…» He is attacking your neck and he is so talented with those kisses, he knows every spot to make you ache with desire, that you almost give up. But no, you are the strongest soldier.

«The thing you said about the house, did you mean it? That it’s just your house and not mine?» You have to know it. You moved into his house without really meaning to, you were in a coma and then you needed him twenty four seven, but now you don’t have to. You could find a small house in the village or take one of the empty houses in the victor’s village, even if you are technically not a victor. There is no need for you to stay in a home you can’t call yours.

He wouldn’t be completely wrong either. Who is crazy enough to move together after six months of a relationship? Courtship in Twelve is much longer.

«It was just me not being able to live with someone else. I’ve been completely alone for twenty four years, Sweetheart, I took all the decisions by myself. I want to stay with you.» He takes your hand and kisses your palm. «And what is yours is mine, don’t doubt it. Sometimes I just slip into old habits.»

«So I don’t have to move out.» You want to be sure. His eyes darken in worry.

«Don’t even think of it. I want you by my side. Always.» He even kisses you on the cheek and you melt completely. «Why? Do you want to go? I understand I'm not the easiest roommate. And it's been rushed… I rushed it. If you want-»

«No!» You reassure him. You always forget it’s mutual, in your mind he is very sure of how you feel about him but in reality he isn’t much. «I want to stay. I like our life. I like waking up with you and dinner with you, I like our routine… I want to live like this forever.» You blurt it out. You are not one for great words. I mean you are, you always say to your friends and to him that you love them, but he does not, and in your everyday life you express your affection in other ways. 

«Same for me, Sweetheart. I asked you to marry me for this very reason.»

«And just for the records, you don’t think I’m a gold digger.» You bite your upper lip. You are aware you give off this vibe. You stay with an older man, a good looking and wonderful older man but still, you like money, and you are kinda spoiled. But you are not with Haymitch for his status. You are with him because you love him. 

«I’m not exactly a catch. You stayed with me in a hole under the ground with no guarantee of a life after that, you put up with my shit too many times. No, I don’t think you are a gold digger.»

This time it’s you who attacks him with kisses. «I didn’t put up with anything, and you are a catch. You are smart, and funny, and handsome and so good in bed I think I’m addicted to you…»

«I would hope so.» He strokes your cheek. «I’ll never let you go again. Doctor Payne says-»

«Who’s Doctor Payne?» You interrupt him.

«I… I went to therapy. I figured out something was wrong and now I don’t think Thirteen is spying on us so much anymore, so I called Dr. Aurelius and she called Dr. Payne.»

You pepper his face with kisses and giggles. «I’m so happy for you!»

Going to a therapist it’s a big thing for someone as paranoid as Haymitch. And he wasn’t wrong, there were spies everywhere before the revolution and sometimes you are still afraid of it too. 

«Me too, but now please… I can’t stay over a bed and not have a bite of my lady…»

«Bite me then.» You climb into his lap and whisper in his ear. «Kiss me, taste me. I think it’s time for you to fuck me properly, my love.»

«I didn’t give proper attention to this body lately, right Sweetheart? I neglected this poor stunning body of yours.» 

He approaches you like a hunter, tossing you on the mattress like a ragdoll, and you feel like a prey, you feel his eyes on your body like he wants to eat you out in a whole bite. 

You missed it so much, he has this magical power to make you feel like you are the most beautiful woman on earth.

«I feel very neglected.» You pout. It shouldn’t be true, but living in two different cities has been so difficult for this aspect. When you are at home, you two make love at least once a day. It’s not planned, but he brushes his hand against yours, or he reads to you with that deep voice that tickles your belly, and you aren’t without fault, you wear skimpy pyjamas and you giggle in a flirty way like you didn’t conquer him yet. You are the epitome of a coquette girl, when it comes to him.  

«I should always cherish you… your legs, your lips, your neck…» 

He is over you and he starts going south, until he reaches your tights. He smirks, he likes to undress you like he is unwrapping a present. He is careful not to break the tights and he tosses them away when your legs are free.

«So beautiful, Gorgeous.» He starts peppering kisses along your ankle, up and up on the leg until he meets your thighs. He avoids your panties to place wet kisses on your belly and he smirks against your skin when the bra is on the way. You are a painting mess, because while he is busy doing this you are shivering from his mouth and wondering hands.

«Let me taste you, my love.» You ask and you suddenly realise he is completely dressed, while you are in your panties and bra. Unfair, unfair! You want to see your man in all his glory. You love his body, he is firm and muscular in a manly way, he is so virile and strong. You almost sigh at the thoughts. 

«No protests from me.»

You quickly remove his shirt and start to trace a line with kisses along his taurine neck, his chest, his black boxers you bought him when you found out he was sleeping naked and you two were on a sex strike.

«I’m so happy you are mine, Haymitch, all mine.» 

«All yours.» He closes his eyes and you have to admit that this is one of your favourite feelings in the world, Haymitch completely broke, in your power, a shivering man who begs for more and more of you. «Babe, you are a view. Stunning.»

You blush, and doubt you are a view with your lips wrapped on his cock, but you love how powerful that makes you feel, and Haymitch is so handsome you almost whine in anticipation for what he will do to you.

«If you keep doing this I won't be able to resist for long.» He warns you, but he is guiding you with his hands on your scalp - and it’s hot, you don’t know why but it’s so hot when he does this - and you take the opportunity to look at him in a seductive smirk.

«And what’s the problem with that, darling?» You purr. 

«I want you to… to enjoy… Daisy, please.»

«Shh, just let me do this.» You suggest.

He gives up his protests almost immediately when you start to bob your head and you enjoy his moans very much, he cries in please and he claims your name on his lip like he is praying to a personal goddess.

You are his personal goddess, right now. 

When you finish you are satisfied and he looks so lost he is almost cute, his face open in a dumb smile.

«Shit, Sweetheart.» He pants, and his hands go to massage your neck. He loves your neck, you know that, he always bites it or kisses or, well, he does like to choke sometimes. Just as much as you like his wide hands wrapped around your skin. And you are not that innocent either, you clearly remember bites that needed medical attention after. 

«I think what you mean is “Yes, I’m going to marry the right woman”.» You climb into his lap again and you hide in the crook of his neck.

«Damn right.» He whispers, still a bit puzzled, «Give me a minute and then-»

«I didn’t do it to have anything in return. I did it because I like it. I quite like you.»

«Sweetheart, if I’m not in you in ten minutes I’m going to die from abstinence. Again.»

You laugh, and you violently blush because he is very blunt when he wants to. «So you are addicted to me now?»

He takes your lips in a fiery kiss. «Good thing you are with me.»

«Always, my love.»

Haymitch Abernathy does not disappoint, and you end up seeing little stars on the ceiling. It takes almost five minutes for you to remember how to talk again. You honestly regret him being your first time, because you have no idea if it’s normal or if he is particularly good at what he does. Is it normal to forget what your name is, is it normal to just want to whisper his when you are ecstatic?

«Did you see the article?» You ask, giving his shoulder a sleepy sloppy kiss. You don’t have the stamina to do something else and he is completely broke, but… his body is there and what are you supposed to do, not enjoying what is yours?

«Yeah. Didn’t believe it.» He reassures you. Then he begins to stroke your raven hair with his callous, big hands and you close your eyes feeling in paradise.

Yes, this is paradise. A post sex cuddle with the most handsome man in the entire galaxy.

«Good. I was just crying, he was consoling me.» You justify yourself. You don’t need to, he is the one who kissed someone else, not you. And yet.

«I’m sorry you cried, and I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner.» He strokes his hand on your cheek. You see regret in his eyes.

«Don’t worry. You are here now.»  You let out a content sigh, but then you remember something. «Haymitch, where is your kitten?»

Stew is too little to be alone for more than three hours, let alone a day. But it’s Haymitch you are talking about. The guy who made a fence so strong that wolves couldn’t pass through it to get a geese. The guy who never once thought a cat could survive in the wild and was willing to take him in. The guy that, when you laughed he got the kitty a cat’s bed, replied “Where do you think it could sleep, on the floor?” in an annoyed adorable voice.

«With Peeta. And, babe… our kitten.» Peeta makes sense. Katniss wouldn’t, she is not a big fan of animals, but Peeta has always been tender and kind. 

«She hates me, for now it’s your kitten.» You smile. You’ll win the kitty over, but you can understand she is totally in love with your almost husband. 

«She doesn’t hate you. She is jealous, possessive and spoiled. I see a resemblance.»

You pretend to gasp. You are not possessive… not really. You just like to joke, and when you play jealous you get kisses and reassurances. And he is not either, but he is insecure. Of his age, of his status, scared that somehow someday you will leave him.

«I’m prettier.» You smirk, your nails digging on his neck. «And my claws are sharper.»

«Let me see your claws, pretty kitten.» He laughs and you pull him in a kiss. 

«Try to kiss another woman and you’ll see them.» You warn him. You didn’t forget it just because you love him and you want to be with him. He dismissed your concerns and that was the result.

«She kissed me.» He reminds you, guilty flashing on his face.

«You let her.»

«Hey, never again. I promise you. Plus, I think Finnick will want my head.»

«So you are not just a bit jealous of the magnificent Finnick Odair? With his shining blonde hair and his charming smile and his chiselled abs and a pretty fine a- ehi, come here!» He tries to get out of the bed, but you put him down with a long kiss and you start peppering other pecks on his chest.

«You wanted Finnick so bad, I was going to get him for you.» He jokes. «I know I don’t have… chiselled abs or a charming smile. But I intend to make you happy.» And you believe him and his strangled voice.

«I don’t want Finnick. I never wanted him. I want you. And you don’t believe me, but you are a good looking, attractive man and I’m lucky to be your lady.»    

He can’t answer that, but his eyes are now a little flashy and watering and his lips are on yours.

«Don’t you have to go make dinner for Effie?» He asks because this is the routine. You do that even on the weekends when he is in her house. Effie has been magnificent and patient with you, and even after her delusion and your blackmailing little problem, she is worried about you. She is worried if you sleep enough, and she checks if you are in bed at a reasonable hour, and she controls if you eat enough. This is huge, Effie Trinket, who grew up in a strict house when it comes to food. She confessed to you her mother used to be severe, she went to model school when she was just a teenager because of her mom, and the situation was pretty abusive.

«She forced me to rest on bed.» You confess. 

«Great idea…» His hands go on your breasts and you giggle when he squeezes them. Sometimes he is not forty one, sometimes he is thirteen. And you love the childish side of his nature.

«That’s not resting.» You point out. Not that you mind, really. But he is forty two, how can he be so eager already? You don’t dare to ask if it’s normal but maybe you could drop the topic with Perla when she feels better.

«That’s relaxing.» He deadpans, and he starts to put little seductive kisses on your neck. «I missed you… your scent, babe, there is nothing like it.»

You blush, because you can’t help moaning a little. It’s like electricity. «I love you.»

«What about you two girls have a nice dinner together and I cook for you? You are both exhausted.» 

You close your eyes, enjoying the sensation of protection he always gives you when you are near to him. His cooking is something you love about him. You don’t mind the cooking part of your maid job, it’s better than scrubbing the floor or cleaning the clothes, but he loves it. He really enjoys it.

«That sounds like a wonderful idea. And then you eat with us?» 

«Nope. I eat here with peace and quiet.»

He needs his space. You are aware, he told you, and yet you feel like it’s wrong, as if you were doing a bad thing to him. For you it would be terrible not to be included, for him it’s the opposite.

«I don’t want you to tire yourself without a reward…»

You thought he was going to ask something sexy, but he surprises you. «Then give me a reward, cutie. Afterwards we can watch a movie or read a book together.»

You laugh and kiss him again. «A reward for a nice dinner. How domestic.»

«I’m going to spend all my life with you, Sweetheart. We will have plenty of domestic moments.»

This sounds so good you might cry. He doesn’t understand it, but it’s so good to be around him. You feel cuddled and protected and sure, he is your little piece of peace in this world. Your home.

«I can’t wait.» Your kiss is lingering on his lips. «We will be old together.»

«Impossible. I’m already old.» 

You burst into another laugh, and then you flirt, because he is your man and what’s more fun than flirting with your man? Nothing. You let a finger slide through his chest. «So you will be this sexy forever? I have to keep up.»

«Something tells me it won’t be that hard for you.» 

His hands are already on your butt but then you remember you have to eat with Effie, and you laugh against his lips. «Later. We have all night.»

«We have all our life, Sweetheart.»

The next morning, regenerated from your night with Haymitch - who wants to talk to Finnick - and relieved about Effie, you are ready to talk to Lora.

You are hosted just like me. Your whole world is collapsing and you don’t even help me for me! You are doing it to distract yourself!

You have to admit you didn’t like her words. She was cruel two nights ago, at the party. She aimed to hurt and she succeeded. You could have expected it from Perla or maybe Effie, because you bicker with the Four girl all the time and you know Effie’s comments are sharp, even if they are not directed to you. Lora has always been sweet, though. The kind girl from district Eleven you learned to know better. She thinks you have been helping her to distract yourself. She still thinks that. She didn’t call and you didn’t see her when you went to Perla, so she must still be mad.

This time you don’t bring pastries, because the comment stings. 

It’s Cinna who opens the door, again. You forget he has his office at home, partly because it’s cheaper to pay one place instead of two, partly because he wants to keep an eye on Perla. 

You are a little shocked by Perla, and you feel stupid you didn’t catch the signals before. And you feel powerless, impotent. What can you do for her? How can you say it without being disrespectful? Perla is always so eager to make everybody think she is the strong one, she would be offended.

«Daisy! Come, come. Do you want a coffee? Tea?»

Cinna is in a good mood today, and that makes you feel a little better towards Perla. He loves her so much that he is miserable when she is not okay.

«No thanks.»

You follow him to his office, and you are stunned. Portia’s office is linear and everything is in its place, but Cinna’s office is an explosion of colours. He has sketches up on the wall and on the desk, crayons and pencils and watercolours. It’s so pretty, like a studio for a child. This is how you want to have an office.

«Sorry about the mess, you know it. You missed Perla, she is better today so she decided to go to work. Silly decision if you want my opinion. Oh, you are here, you can take these to Portia… these are the drawings for District One.»

You always forget Cinna comes from District One and not from the Capitol. He was one of the few that climbed from a district to the Capitol thanks to his skills. It was almost impossible, but he is a legend, very good in what he does, and he played his game when he decided to offer himself for district Twelve, the only district that needed a stylist so badly because no one wanted to be associated.

Meanwhile, when no one knew it, he was a part of the revolution. And he met Perla through Finnick.

«I was actually looking for Lora.» You confess. «But these are beautiful. Mine are not… are not like that.» You are a little scared now. You were proud Portia decided to include you, but you are not her or Cinna.

«I would hope so, you are Daisy and I can’t wait for a Daisy original.» He tries to reassure you. «Lora? She doesn’t live here anymore.»

That shocks you. In two days?! Or she didn’t tell you? You try to relive the last conversations with her. You were aware she was guilty about living with them, but she doesn’t have a job.

«Excuse me, she what?» 

«She moved out last night, she said she was moving in with her model friend.»

Oh no. And… she moved in a night? That doesn’t make sense. Then again, she doesn’t have that much, she could probably just fill a suitcase, and if you know her better she also always kept everything in the suitcase just in case. 

«Lavinia?» You easily guess. Lavinia Crane is the only friend Lora has apart from you. But, for what you know, Lavinia is also a wealthy model from Capitol and that doesn’t add up. How is Lora paying? Chaff is not that rich. 

«Yeah. Perla was not happy about it, she doesn’t trust her.» Perla is right. Perla is right most of the time, you shouldn’t have questioned it.

«I can understand why. Do you have an address?»

«On the fridge.»

Maybe it’s just a stupid doubt, but you want to check. You don’t trust the blonde Capitol girl and you don’t want to abandon your friend again, so you guess you are going house-hunting this morning.

[kahlanmars]

[kahlanmars]

PAPER RINGS part. 7

The babies are baaaaack!

MASTERLIST

7. This is why we can't have nice things

You wake up in the morning with a bad headache and terrible nausea. You have to keep your eyes closed because the light is too heavy and the room won’t stop spinning. From the bed you can see you in the mirror of the makeup table and the vision you have is something else. Your hair is messy, your eyes look puffy and your skin is green, your lips are clearly dehydrated and your eyeshadows and lipstick are all over your face. Not your greatest look, but very capitol. The room is too bright and the light does not welcome you now. 

«If you have to puke, puke on the right.»

On your left, with a rough voice there is Finnick Odair, as waisted as you if not more, that is looking at you with a suspicious look, ready to fly away if you really have to vomit. His arm is under your waist, and he tightens the grip when he realizes you are waking up.

Because last night was terrible and he doesn’t want you to cry again.

Haymitch, Perla, Lora, Effie. You messed up badly with every person you love. With your eyes closed you see the look on their faces again.

You could have survived without Haymitch thanks to Effie. You can’t survive without Haymitch and Effie.

Stupid girl, you survived the Hunger Games, you can do this again, your internal (mean) voice tells you, but you survived thanks to them, because of them. When you are alone you are at your lowest point.

«I have lost everyone.» You state, frightened. You miss human touch, you crave human touch.

«You still have me.» Finnick argues and you thank heaven for him. Quite the best friend he is, and you can go in the same category just because you saved his life once. He did it twice and more. He never judged you. He knows your deepest secrets and he never dared to judge anything.

«Everybody hates me.» You whisper, and you hide your face on his chest. You try not to sob, and you can’t because you don’t have water in your body, but your eyes are shinier now. 

«Don’t be stupid, nobody hates you.» He strikes your hair. But he is lying, you are sure of it, you clearly remember Perla’s tone and Lora’s eyes. 

«You don’t hate me.» You try to get up, but your body doesn’t want to cooperate. «Finnick, I’m not feeling too well.» You are aware you act like a child, but you can’t get up to take your  medicine. 

He touches your forehead and raises his eyebrows. «You are feverish.»

«Must be the alcohol, I don’t drink often. With Haymitch at home I don’t risk it. I… didn’t risk it.»

«You should sleep it away.» Going back to bed is tempting, but Effie can’t stand you and you can’t abuse her hospitality now. You were so happy to share a home with her. You just wished you did more of the things you always saw in the movies. Effie was a wreck and you were even worse, it has not been the best timing.

«I can’t sleep, Fin. I have to go to a hotel.»

«A hotel?» 

«Yeah, Effie doesn’t want me home anymore. She doesn’t trust me anymore and you don’t want someone you don’t trust in your home.»

«I’ll talk to her.»

«No need.» Effie comes into the room and she hands you two a mug. She has makeup on again and her outfit is impeccable. And yet, you saw her dancing on the floor until morning. «I spent fifteen years  taking care of an addict and I have no intention to repeat history, okay?»

You and Finnick look at her like guilty puppies, well known she is totally right. She usually is. «Okay.»

Miss Trinket sighs and she looks at you, still a little annoyed.

«Now. Daisy, can you tell me what you do during the day?»

«Excuse me?» You don’t understand.

«Last night it wasn’t you. I have a theory, I want to understand, so answer me.»

«Well, I get up, I make breakfast and lunch-»

«For me?» She seems sad and ashamed by it and this is not the result you wanted. 

«For you, and sometimes for Portia. I go to work until six and a half p.m., I come home, I make dinner, I help you clean a little, we eat together and then I do the dishes and I work on the wedding dress until I fall asleep.»

«Where do you eat for lunch?»

«I eat an apple.» You start by saying it’s just a day, and then you go on and you suddenly tell yourself you don’t have time and you are not in the mood anyway, and it becomes a habit. 

«Just an apple? Why? Daisy, you need to eat! And to sleep! You make lunch for Effie and Portia, why not for you?»

«Because this is Effie’s food and she already hosts me.» You explain. But it’s not just that, it’s something else and you can’t quite put the finger on it, you can’t say it. In District Twelve there is not such thing as using food to control something. Food is a necessity.

«My God, darling girl, I never said you couldn’t eat!»

«But you are miserable all the time and I didn’t want to be a burden!»

«You are not a burden. And what about your money?»

«Partly is for Holly, I want to repay her, partly is for the wedding because Haymitch doesn’t want a big one so I want to contribute, and partly is for you. I was going to start paying rent.»

«So you sleep for hours at night, you eat an apple and a dinner, and between the chores at home, the job and the wedding dress you work all day. What did you buy for yourself in your time at the Capitol?»

«Uhm, nothing?»

 «What?»

«I have to save money! And I can do it.»

«You are burnt out.» She looks at you with her blue eyes so full of worrying. It must be a serious thing, but you have no idea what she is saying.

«What does it mean?» You ask her, 

«You don’t know it? Don’t you go to Doctor Aurelius?»

You blush. You were supposed to keep going, but the doctor is in Thirteen and it’s fine when you are in Twelve, but now you are in the Capitol and you canceled a lot of meetings.

«I’m supposed to go, but I’m really busy here.»

«Daisy… oh, darling girl.» She shakes her head and she goes near you. «Finnick, dear, can we have a moment alone, please?»

«I’ll go on the couch.» He answers, still sleepy from the night before.

You watch Effie like you are doing an exam. 

«I’m sorry. But it was for the best, I mean you are always tired and…» You begin, but she stops you.

«I get that you did it out of good intentions. But I need to believe in you.»

«You can!» You try not to cry again. «You are my best friend and I’m really sorry.»

«I still think you didn’t think it through, and that is because you are severely sleep deprived, but Daisy, what you did is wrong.»

«Totally wrong.» You confirm it.

«And you have your faults, my dear.» She rolls her eyes, totally unladylike, but she got soft on that part after the revolution. «Don’t look at me like a puppy, I forgive you.»

Maybe she didn’t expect the rush of you hugging her, but she strikes your hair anyway. You can’t lose Effie, you can manage to lose everybody else but not Effie. You clench your hands in her clothes.

«Unfortunately dear, that is not why I was here. This is a newspaper…»

On the cover there is you and Finnick, hugging in a club. You remember that part of the night, you were devastated because of the discussion with Perla and Lora and he was just comforting you.

There is a line in bold that says “ONCE A TRAITOR ALWAYS A TRAITOR?”.

You read the short paragraph in a hurry.

The former tribute Daisy Pinecone is caught in a passionate kiss with the leader of the rebellion Finnick Odair, who Capitol remembers as one of the most beloved victors of the Hunger Games of all times. Finnick Odair is married to Annie Cresta-Odair, and rumors tell us Daisy Pinecone was in a relationship with her mentor, Haymitch Abernathy. Trouble in paradise, open couple or shameless cheating? 

«Once a traitor? This is… This is…» You can’t find the right words. This is outrageous, you never betrayed anyone. And you are not a celebrity! Paparazzi were after YOU? You? You are nobody, only a tribute. Maybe they were after your friend, not you. Finnick was and still very much is a celebrity.

«Capitol propaganda.» Finnicks ends the line for you, appearing by the door. He looks better, he cleaned his face, but he is furious and rightfully so.

«Isn’t that supposed to be ancient history?» Effie asks, and she almost has tears in her eyes.

«We are not kissing!» You snap. «I was crying and we were hugging, we are not kissing!» 

If Haymitch thinks you two are kissing he can do anything. Or nothing, you don’t know if he still cares, you don’t know if you two are still together, but you don’t want him to think you are cheating. You are not a cheater. And what if Marjorie finds the magazine? She would give it to him as proof. They could kiss again. 

And Annie, oh poor Annie, who helped you so much. You feel like shit as the very thought, not only because of the kiss - she knows better than to believe that, but because she still got humiliated one way or another. 

«I’ll go check on Annie on the phone.» You see him leave and you can just murmur a phrase, a bit ashamed. It was your fault, you were crying.

«Please, tell her that I’m sorry.»

«You should sleep a little more. I’ll call Portia.» Effie kisses your head. You feel a lot comforted by her words, and sleeping a little more seems perfect. 

You use your free time from Portia to make amends with Perla and Lora, starting with Perla because you have to admit Lora’s words still hurt. 

You stop along the line to get some pastries and you knock at her and Cinna’s door. It’s Cinna who actually opens the door, in a black pair of jeans and a white shirt, and you have to admit you are curious about their house. 

You could have guessed, it’s very sober and moderate. The walls are white, all the furniture is in brown wood and there is no sign of an ornament, just some pictures of Cinna’s successes, and if you have to guest you think it’s Perla who hung them. Cinna seems like a humble man. 

It’s smaller than what you pictured, but then you remember Cinna lost almost everything in the war and Perla is a district girl, she is not wealthy. 

«This is not a good day, Daisy.» He warns you. What does he mean it’s not a good day? Does Perla have bad days? «Would you give her this? I was on my way to bring it to her.»

He hands you a cup of tea, and you nod.

The room is dark, and it scarcely reminds you about the times you caught Haymitch after a booze. 

«Ehi.» You whisper, and you see her. She is in the bed, and while she remains your brilliant friend, you can see she is tired and maybe sick. «Are you not feeling well?»

She takes the tea out of your hands, but then she puts it on the bedside table.  

«It’s nothing, it’s just a headache.» She briefly smiles at you and she shrugs. Her eyes are not smiling, though.

«I’m sorry about yesterday.» You taunt and you sit on the bed. «About jealousy and… I’m sorry. You were right.»

«It’s ok.» She murmurs. She looks like she is not even hearing you.

«You are worrying me, Perla.»

She stops smiling, her eyes are not shining and watering. You have never seen Perla like this. «I can't do this sometimes, Daisy.»

The confession shocks you. You are used to Strong Perla, she is the strongest of the trio, the one you know can handle herself. And that makes you selfish, you realize. Because you worry about Effie, you worry about Lora, but you never worry about Perla, because you think she is okay. She is your age, not younger like Lora, and she is from the District, not naivé and privileged like a Capitol girl, and she has a solid head on her neck, but that doesn’t mean she is not affected by the same things that shook you.

«What? But you have this special life, a job, a boyfriend and…» Your words fade.

«And you have the same life. Still, you tell me everything's alright?»

It's not and you both know it. The nightmares are so present in your life Doctor Aurelius suggested taking sleeping pills, but you are afraid you are going to be addicted to them. You saw how an addiction works, it's not pleasant and you do not wish to live the experience.

«Sometimes I can't get out of bed. I feel too tired and dizzy to even brush my teeth, and I know it's disgusting, I'm sorry.» She keeps going. «Sometimes I open my eyes and I’m still in that arena, in the caves, and I know I will have to kill or be killed. Sometimes I’m on the street and I suddenly remember the war. It’s the same street, Daisy. And I was there, fighting for my life. And I stand still, I can’t move even for hours, Cinna has to calm me down so much lately... You must think I’m crazy, it’s crazy…»

«It’s not. It’s usual for us.» You remember Doctor Aurelius’ voice. This is not your fault, this is Snow fault, and the Capitol, and later District Thirteen and Coin. Not yours. You are a victim, you have been a victim and there is no shame in this.

Except you feel guilty sometimes, and you bet Perla does too. Because you are here, you are alive and a lot of people are not, Capitol citizens, your classmates in Twelve, the kids. 

«Us?» She asks, and she is abruptly younger than her age, she is just eyes, her big, big blue eyes.

«Tributes.» You explain, and you hop in the bed close to her. 

«You are rocking this Capitol world…» She looks down.

«I wasn’t on the mission. I got caught by Thirteen before the action because I killed Caius, remember?» You fix her hair over her ear. «But I can’t go in the ocean, or open water for what it matters. And I’m not a big fan of a dark place like a cave. We all have our fragilities…»

«I’m not weak.» Her voice is harder now, rough. You know her so much and it must be a torture for her to perceive herself as fragile. You remember how much time she spent trying to convince herself she wasn’t in love, just because she didn’t want to depend on another person, as selfless and wonderful Cinna was.

«You are not! You are a member of the revolution, Perla, you volunteered for the mission! No one can think you are weak. But we are…» You can’t find the right word, because you don’t want to hurt her more.

«Damaged.» She finishes off for you.

«But we can be damaged together. Would you want it?» You propose. She just nods and she squeezes your hand, and you take it as a win.

After the long talk with Perla, you just want to go to bed ready to clear things out with Lora tomorrow. You can sleep more, now that you don’t need to work on your wedding dress, and you seriously need it because you are exhausted. 

But your plans are not these ones for tonight, because lining against the door there is Haymitch.

You didn’t remember every detail in your dreams. He is here, his blonde hair loose on his shoulders, his magnetic blue eyes forged on your sight, with little wrinkles on the sides. He looks slightly older, like he is really tired or sick, but dear heavens he is handsome.

You can't totally explain why you are so in love with him. He is just that charismatic and beautiful, and his brain is so fascinating to watch at work. And he is a good man, a very good one. 

«She didn’t want to let me in.» He explains. You missed his deep voice so much you already have chills on your spine.

He looks at you. 

You look at him.

And you both burst into laughs like you are utterly stupid. And then just like magic your laughing turns into sobbing.

«We will talk, we will make up but please, just tell me if you still love me.» You feel so stupid but you have to ask yourself this question, because what once was a stupid banter got so big in your head you don’t know what is real anymore.

«What a stupid question, of course I still love you.»

When you see him you try not to cry, but he wraps his arms around your waist and he kisses you and you swear he watches you like you hang up the moon, and you burst into tears against his chest.

«I missed you so much. I’m sorry.» You didn’t want to cry, the whole point here is being an adult and you are not behaving like one.

«I’m here now, babygirl, I’m here now. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.» He wanted to come, he wanted to come sooner. He wasn’t with Marjorie. 

«I’m sorry I didn’t call.» You say it at the same time.

«I screwed up, Sweetheart.» It’s cold outside but you can’t do anything right now, even if you are aware the common thing would be to tell him to join you in the house. 

«I slapped you.» You remind him.

«I deserved it.» He grants. And he did, the first instinct was to chop his head off, he kissed another woman. He kissed the love of his previous life.

«I know you didn’t want to kiss her. I know it. Because you love me, right?» You want him to tell you. He doesn’t like to say it often and you respect it, it brings back memories of when everyone he loved died, you usually don’t push it. He says it in other things, like giving you the last bite of a sweet, or preparing you your favorite meals, or kissing your head while you are sleeping. Usually it’s enough, but not now.

«You are the love of my life.» He kisses you again, and you almost moan. You moan from a kiss, and it’s pathetic you are well aware of it, but the butterflies on the stomach are dancing rock and roll.

«And you are the love of mine. I swear.» You take his hand. It’s an overkill, because you are already in his arms, where you belong, but you want to feel his skin.

«Things are… I didn’t want to be damaged. I tried and I tried to be perfect for you, but I’m not.»

«I didn’t want perfection, I wanted you.» You say, and you are cheating a little because you are giving him puppy eyes, but this way he knows you mean it.

«But you deserve it. Every time you come into the room you bring the light. You are, I…» He is working himself up, so you put a hand on his chest.

«Easy.»

«I tried to suppress what I didn’t want you to see, and it’s fucking hard. I was a victor for all my life, and now I don’t even know who I am.»

That actually makes sense. If you live all your life in a certain way, it’s hard to change even for the better. But you wish he just told you.

«Haymitch, I was your maid, I was your tribute, I was your friend before. I know you, and I knew what I was dealing with when I decided to begin this relationship. But I love you. I love you when you are brooding and when you don’t like people and… we all have issues, we all made mistakes. To be fair I thought you had a strange behavior these days. Loving you was not a choice, but if I could have a choice I would love you again and again for the rest of my life.»

This speech is marvelous, you admit to yourself, and you earn another kiss. Now that you can move, you come home and you go straight to your room, but only to talk, at least for now. Your first instinct is to toss him on the bed and have your way with him, you are still Daisy Pinecone and he is still fucking attractive, but you are about to be twenty six. You have to be an adult.

«Okay, cards on the table. Tell me what you tried to force.» You smile at him, and you hope the smile is welcoming.

«Living with another person it’s fucking hard. And you are not that difficult to live with, but sometimes I need… I need to be alone. Not time, space. I need some place for myself.»

«That can be arranged, I would use some space just for myself too. We can have a room just for us and a room together.»

«Sometimes I need silence. I love your voice, but I’m used to my silence. I’m not one of the people who talks when they are alone in a room, I enjoy the lack of words.»

You laugh. «I’ll be quiet.»

«Well, that’s it. I tried to force my attitude…»

«I love your brooding attitude, it’s sexy.» You kiss his protests away, «No other complaints?»

«Nope. Your turn, Sweetheart.»

You expect to be hurt, but these are reasonable demands. He needs to be alone, it’s okay. You are aware you are a cuddler, but you can look for cuddles elsewhere. Effie is always welcoming you for hugs. 

«I don’t want a small wedding. It won’t be a big wedding I assure you, but… a medium one. With all our friends and food and a big cake from Peeta. Katniss can sing. I’m doing the outfits. No cameras allowed, I promise you. But I don’t want just a toasting. I promise it will be very district, not Capitol. Is it okay?»

«Yes. Yes, of course.» He kisses your hand.

«And I want you to want it. I don’t want you to say yes because of me, if you changed your mind…» Maybe he loves you but he doesn’t want to get married. You got it granted last time, it’s not something you wanted so badly.

«I want to be your husband. I don’t care much for the ceremony, but I’ll spend the rest of my life wanting you. And I want to call you my wife.»

You blush and smile when he puts two fingers under your chin to lift it up and he gives you a sweet, sweet kiss. «You are stuck with me.»

«I thought I lost you.» You confess.

«We don’t deal well with the lack of sleep.» 

«Definitely not. Perla wanted to kill you.»

«I bet.» He snorts.

«I love you.» You whisper against his lips. «I was totally lost without you.»

The kiss grows messier and you suddenly remember it’s two whole weeks you don’t kiss him.

«I missed you so much, Sweetheart. I’m proud to be yours.»

«So proud you can dance at the wedding?» You try.

«Nope. So proud I can watch you dance and I can picture you naked the whole time.» 

You blush again - is this okay to be so affected by the man you sleep with for about a year? - and kiss him again giggling. «Rude.»

«Oh come on, don’t act like it doesn’t turn you on.»

You shove him, but then you push him on the mattress and you climb on his lap. «My love?»

«Yes?» He asks you with a smirk on his smug face.

«Show me how much you love me.»