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VALLEY MOMENTS

It's [un]fortunate that what I expected to be a rejuvenating and renewing summer, turns out to be everything except that. In fact, I find it to be a continuation of my "silent season of growing pains" that I'm experiencing in grad school - joyless work, stress, and constant reminders that I still don't "have it together." This summer has been months of self-sacrifice, soul searching, and sanctification - to say the least. Although I cannot report that I’ve made “progress” in a worldly sense (i.e. job, vacation, money, etc.), I do believe that I’ve grown spiritually during this period of pruning.

Just two days ago, I was led to James 1:2-4 that clearly tells me that the only way to mature in my faith is to persevere through trials.

It says...

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Within 3 short scriptures, the Holy Spirit reveals to me 5 different lessons of what it means to be a follower of Christ.

You will experience hard times. As James is speaking to the 12 tribes, he let's them know that their faith will be tested by saying "whenever you face trials," not "IF you face trial."

But don't fret. Experiencing these trials is the only way to have pure joy - not temporary happiness that comes from a "good" job, financial status, relationship, or other fleshly desires.

"Per·se·ver·ance: steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success." The only way to sincerely remain steadfast in the Lord is to have your faith tested. This means remaining faithful to Him even when He doesn't respond to our prayers and desires immediately, or the way we expect Him to.

Don't fight the process. If we do not "let perseverance finish," it only delays our maturation in God.

We can confidently stand as a follower of Christ, knowing that we withstood the trial and with Him, we lack absolutely nothing!

So even in my "valley moments," I've learned that it's all for my good and for God's glory. I can't just be faithful when things seem to be going well. Growth doesn't happen that way. It is only when I surrender my whole life, even in the midst of trials, and acknowledge that God is the God of the hills and valleys - that my faith is made stronger, I obtain pure joy, and know that I am complete in Christ.

Having you been fighting the process? What ways have you noticed your faith being tested? What helps you to persevere?

Take a listen to one of my favorite songs of this season:

I am x Eddie James.

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SAVE MONEY: STUDENT EDITION

As a college/graduate student, it seems as if there is never enough money! If you're like me, you've experienced living from paycheck to paycheck or solely depending on meal swipes. I. know. the. struggle. However, as I shared in my post, "I Was Fired," being a believer means that we know  God is the ultimate source of provision and we should be good stewards of what He has given us. Below are 4 great affiliate links to resources I've used to get great deals and keep more money in my pocket! Remember, everything is a process and requires consistency. Stick with it and I guarantee you'll see benefits! If you're interested in more resources, leave a comment below! *Participation and results may vary. PocketPoints My monthly rewards net worth: $35-$40+ Promo Code: 9gAx8 (Receive 10 free points!) Description: This app is perfect for keeping you focused on your work AND allows you to earn points for doing so. You will automatically earn points for keeping your phone locked while on campus. Points earned are redeemable for coupons and gifts at local restaurants, businesses, and more! Moocho My monthly rewards net worth: $15-$20+ Promo Code: 156577 (Get $5 for signing up!) Description: Moocho app allows college students to pay with their phone at various retailers. Paying through Moocho allows you to acquire reward points that are redeemable for coupons and gifts at local restaurants, businesses, and more! Free meals and other great deals are available immediately after signing up. ibotta My monthly rewards net worth: $20-$25 Promo Code: mpkdvjb (Receive a $10 welcome bonus!) Description: Receive cash back for buying items you use every day or completing easy tasks. Simply unlock the item's rebate on the app, scan your receipt to verify your purchase, and receive money back. Walmart Savings Catcher My monthly rewards net worth: $5-$10 Description: Walmart savings catcher compares the price you paid on certain items to local competitors. If the competitor offers a lower price than what you paid, you will receive the difference via a Walmart eGift card of a Bluebird by American Express Card!

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I WAS FIRED

To an extent, I wish this was an April Fools’ joke. It’s not. I contemplated sharing this over the last few days, but then I realized that if my desire is to encourage others through my faith journey, then it will require me to be transparent and vulnerable – even when it’s uncomfortable. The good thing though is that this allows me to slowly overcome the pressure of always seeming to “have it together.” I mean, if everything was perfect I wouldn’t need a savior, right? For those who have been following my journey since my previous blog, you know that I initially had a difficult time adjusting to my new location for grad school. The culture was extremely different; the student-teacher dynamics were very strange, and I couldn’t find a single person that I connected with. Because of this, I found myself shutting everything/everyone out – including God – in an effort to solve my own issues and become incognito until I graduate. Needless to say, I hit a breaking point and God began to show me why it was necessary to submit everything to Him. As I transitioned into my second semester, I grew better at giving my cares/worries to God, stepping out on faith, and living as if I truly believed that God supplied all of my needs. – emotionally, mentally, physically, socially, and academically. However, things began to change when I started to get challenged with leaving my financial provision to God as well. In case you didn’t know, I’m a stickler for money. Not “stickler” as in always finding side hustles to get money, but “stickler” as in I always try my hardest to properly manage what I have. Until recently, this has always been an easy task for me. As a child, my parents took care of all the major financial obligations, so my only concern was stretching my little earnings across extracurricular activities. While in undergrad, I had a full scholarship, two jobs, a paid fellowship, and again, no major financial obligations. I always planned out my spending so I wouldn’t have to depend on my parents or anyone else for money. It also helped that I had a paid internship every summer while I was in college. As I transitioned into grad school, I was aware of the funding I would be receiving. If any of you are familiar with the politics of academia, then you know it was just enough to cover “adulting” – nothing more, nothing less - literally. I get paid, pay my bills, and am back to ground zero. Nevertheless, I was grateful for God’s provision because a day didn’t go by that I was actually in need of something that He didn’t supply. I did, however, realize that as the semester comes to an end, so does my funding despite the continuation of bills. I began searching for summer jobs/paid internship opportunities because I wanted to ensure that I would be secure for the summer. Within two weeks, I received an email from my department about an opportunity to teach at an institute. I visited the website and was amazed at how much teachers were getting paid [flag #1]. It was almost 4x more than what I am currently making, and was the perfect amount to cover my summer expenses plus save for after graduation. I skimmed the job’s expectations and realized that the workload would also be about 4x the work that grad school required of me, but hey, the money seemed worth it. I applied for the job, then prayed and asked God for guidance and discernment regarding the position [I know, that was backwards lol]. After completing and submitting my application, the confirmation notice said that I should hear back from the institute in about 2 weeks. Surprisingly, I received an acceptance email to the next phase within 2 days [flag #2]. The next phase was a video submission answering certain questions about the job. I had about 2-3 days to review the material before logging on to do my video. Normally, I thrive in public speaking. However, when it was time to do my video, I fumbled – horribly. It was so bad that I literally started laughing in the middle of my stuttering [flag #3]. I couldn’t start over because once you clicked “start” you had to continue. So I humbly acknowledged the fact that I probably wouldn’t get pass this stage lol, and accepted it. Believe it or not, the next week I received another email saying that I made it to the final interview. At this point I began to think two things: 1. This company must be really desperate if they still want me after that video or 2. God is really coming through for me. A 1-2 month hiring process ended up being a 2-3 week process for me [flag #4]. Though I didn’t seek God concerning this job, I assumed that He blessed me with it because I was hired.  I felt secure knowing that this job covered all of my financial needs. I dismissed the fact that the job’s intense workload actually started immediately rather than at the beginning of the summer, but that was okay because in the end, the money was worth it. I began making plans around the money that I’d yet to receive – listing things that I could now buy because my summer money will replace it. I felt protected. Over the next few weeks, after our virtual orientation, I received an email asking for my next available time to schedule an appointment with the company. I thought nothing of it since we had multiple meetings like this up until now. On the day of my appointment, the facilitator says, “I wanted to schedule this meeting to let you know that your position has been terminated.” Um ...What? Who knew that I could be fired from a job that I hadn’t officially started yet? There was basically no explanation provided to justify me being fired, but near the end of the meeting I was given the option to respond or ask any questions. At that moment, so many options ran through my head of how I could “clap back.” I asked myself, “Do they really know who I am? Who are they to fire me? They must not have seen my credentials.” Regardless of these thoughts, all I could say was “Okay, thank you.” It was at that moment that I felt as if a burden was lifted off of me. It was also at that moment that the Holy Spirit showed me that my faith and trust wasn’t in Jesus. I depended on the monetary provision of a company that probably cares nothing about my soul versus believing that the Lord of my life would take care of me. I had placed my security in a company that had an “at-will employment” policy instead of trusting in the perfect will of God. Matthew 6:19-21 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." My heart wasn’t after God. I was more concerned with finding ways to take care of my earthly needs without taking into account that the same God that provides for birds, who neither sow nor reap, is the same one who will provide for me. It’s not a bad thing to desire internships, jobs, or even a pay increase. The issue is when we become so eager for earthly possessions or believe that the world has something to offer us that we neglect to acknowledge the sovereignty and provision of God. I become a slave to this world if I believe that they are the source of my needs. I had to realize that if I never have another job again that God already has things aligned that will take care of me, and that I have a greater reward waiting for me. Yes, I still have bills...actually more than I did before I was fired. Nevertheless, I can't worship God and money, so I've decided to keep my trust in Jesus. If He blesses me with a job opportunity, great. If not, He's still sovereign and I still trust Him to provide in His own way and timing. ​ Who/what are you looking to for your provision? Are you worshiping money or other earthly things instead of God? Read More Matthew 6:24 Matthew 6:31-32 Matthew 19:24 Philippians 4:19 Hebrews 11:6 Matthew 7:11 Ecclesiastes 5:10 Hebrews 13:5 Matthew 19:21 1 Timothy 6:10 Revelation 3:17

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THE DANGERS OF SELF-APPOINTED ISOLATION

Before officially moving 12 hours away from home to attend graduate school, I knew that God was calling me to be set apart. Yes, “set apart” the way Paul implies in Romans 12 [this will be discussed in the next post], but also “set apart” as in being separated from everything/everyone that made me comfortable and complacent in who I was. I was aware that this was going to be a faith-stretching journey since every friend, family member, confidant, and comforter would be miles away. Unfortunately, once entering into this season, I eventually realized that I greatly misconstrued what God intended as a season of isolation, and dangerously pursued a life isolated from everything and everyone – sometimes out of necessity, but other times out of pride.

When it was necessary:

Despite what I already heard about the area I was relocating to, I was determined to “be a light for Jesus.”  This common phrase was easier said than done because when I started school in August 2016, I had no idea that I would be drastically different from everyone in my cohort – racially, culturally, mentally, and spiritually. However, as humans we naturally have a desire to fit in, and at times bridge the gap between our differences. So I figured if I was going to be this “light” that I had to adapt and be relatable. Initially, I would interact with my cohort by going to lunch with them and trying to be attentive to their shallow, carnal conversations filled with obscenities about drunkenness, sex, relationship issues, and Anime. It soon became obvious that I couldn’t relate to anything they engaged in. No one else is my group professed to be a believer or appeared to live a life after Christ, so the explanation of my faith never seemed to be enough to justify my lifestyle. As time went on and the wedge between them and I grew, I became isolated. It wasn’t that I thought of myself as more highly than them, but truly considering the ratio of 1 to 10+ and their constant denial of the Gospel, I decided that my fleshly desire for acceptance wasn’t worth their dismissal of the truth or the denial of God.

1 Corinthians 15: 33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

When it was prideful:

Since majority of my time was spent in class with my cohort, my days grew very lonely. I went from my apartment, to my office, to class, and back home – every day. It became rare that I held a conversation with anyone on campus the entire day with the exception of teaching my students. Being an *introverted-extrovert, I didn’t mind the solitude at first. Most times I would actually enjoy having lunch by myself so that I could journal or read. Then again there would be times where I longed for just one person to talk to. Imagine that. Out of over 40,000 people on campus I had absolutely no one to talk to (LOL, I can laugh about it now that I’ve grown from it).

I recall praying to God for a group of Christian friends that actually sought to have a relationship with Him. The following week, I received an email about “call-outs” taking place on campus. Call-outs are where organizations present information about their group and solicit members – similar to an organization fair. I skimmed through the list of organizations that were supposed to be there and found three Christ-centered organizations. Arriving there the following week, I learned that one of the groups only accepted undergraduate students. However, I was able to sign up for the other two. I immediately began meeting with one of the two groups the next week, but their schedule often conflicted with mine. A couple days later, I received a call from the last group called Chi Alpha.

Chi Alpha (meaning: Christ Ambassadors) was like no other campus ministry I’d ever seen. Its members were students from literally every corner of the world who were boldly living for Christ and had such a welcoming heart for both believers and nonbelievers. This particular campus’s ministry was broken down into missional communities and discipleship groups. A missional community is “a community of Christians, on mission with God, in obedience to the Holy Spirit, who demonstrates the gospel tangibly and declares the gospel creatively to a pocket of people.”  It is a small group of about 20-30 members who are committed to doing life together beyond bible studies and church services. Similarly, the discipleship group is a more intimate group of about 2-3 members who are committed to meeting weekly to study and live out the Word of God, serve as accountability partners, and continue to make disciples.

Matt 28:19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit..

I had finally found what I’d been praying for. This group was truly committed to correctly living out the Gospel, sharing it with others, and creating disciples. It was evident that every single aspect of their lives revolved around Christ. They weren’t simply “church-goers” or “cultural Christians,” they took their faith outside of the four physical corners of the church building, and into the world.  I had quickly gone from simply attending church on Sundays and occasional bible studies, to being held accountable by strong women in the faith to study and learn God’s word, share the Gospel, pray more, participate in corporate worship, and actively engage in Christian fellowship.

I was so excited in the beginning - not only to be more intentional about growing in Christ, but about having true sisters in Christ to do it with. This is what I wanted, right?  Well if I was truly honest with myself, I would say that I enjoyed the thought of having real sisters in Christ, but didn’t count the cost of it. Being accountable to other believers required me to be vulnerable, to face my insecurities, and to peel back the layers of “perfection” I had put up throughout the years. If I wanted to grow from this process I had to swallow my pride, acknowledge my shortcomings, die to my selfish ways, and become the empty and willing vessel for Christ that I proclaimed to be. This was a difficult thing for me to admit because for 22 years, I suppressed any struggle or anxiety that I had.  So instead, I isolated myself.

I grew more excited about having reasons to miss my discipleship meeting than I did about getting to know God more. Christian fellowship began to feel more like an inconvenience than an opportunity for growth. Worship nights were no longer enjoyable and I’d wait days to reply back to all the ladies who were holding me accountable and wanted to know my whereabouts. A lot of times I wasn’t doing anything special, but my flesh convinced me to hide from the sanctification God was taking me through. Little did I know, my self-appointed isolation was doing more damage to me than it was comforting me. You see, I believe God’s intent for separating me from everything and everyone I had known was because He needed me to solely depend on Him for provision in every aspect of my life – spiritually, academically, mentally, financially, etc. While I was at home, I had a support system that I would call on for anything. This isn’t a bad thing, but I didn’t realize that I depended on them for everything. God needed me to recognize and experience that He was the source of all things and He did so by isolating me from what was familiar. Contrary, when I isolated myself, it was from the body of Christ. This was a dangerous thing because when I willingly removed myself from other believers, I gave the enemy leeway into my life. I gave him the opportunity to plant seeds of doubt, discouragement, fear, and all sorts of sinful distractions. I even started to lose my desire to pray and worship. If only I’d push past my emotions and carnal desires to remain in fellowship with other believers who encouraged me in the Lord, maybe I wouldn’t have had experienced depression and panic attacks.

To the loner Christian who despises fellowship:

Understand that we are relational beings.

Don’t set yourself up to be attacked.

Fellowship is important to your relationship with God.

Beginning in the book of Genesis, it is evident that relationships are important. From our triune God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) to Adam being given Eve, relationships have great significance. Don’t despise the power of unity.

Yes, as believers we all have the Holy Spirit and the covering of God. But it’s just as important to understand the power that comes with being able to walk boldly with brothers and sisters in Christ. The enemy is less likely to be successful in his evil deeds when facing a group of believers wearing the whole armor of God versus the one loner Christian.

We are the body of Christ and are connected by His blood. Every part of the body plays an intricate role in it being functional. Imagine having a body part amputated. The warm blood that once flowed through it may run for a while, but it will eventually run out, and the body part will rot because it’s no longer connected to the source and other life-giving parts. In other words, when you alienate yourself from the body of Christ, you slowly miss out on the strength, encouragement, and power that comes with being connected, having others intercede on your behalf, hold you accountable, and help keep you in right standing with God.

Read More

Acts 2

2 Corinthians 6

Proverbs 27:17

Hebrews 10:25

Take heart, things can get uncomfortable when you’re coming into the person God has called you to be.

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You’ll love it. Trust me. 

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SELF-WORSHIPING

For so many years, I've lived with a false sense of what worship is. This is probably because in every context I’ve seen “worship” being used, it only related to singing. I would attend church services and conferences, and genuinely look forward to singing my little heart out during the worship portion of the program. From "worship songs" (that's another topic, Lol)  to hymns, the structure of these services gave me the notion that worshiping only involved singing and that it was a separate entity from everything else. Unfortunately, this idea permeated into my understanding of who God is and how I spent my personal time with Him. A portion of my time would include studying the Bible and journaling, praying, and then worshiping with music. Now although singing can be a form of worship, the Bible also gives us many scriptures that defines or illustrates what it means to worship. Romans 12: 1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship. Apostle Paul drops so many jewels throughout his letters to the Romans. In this scripture, he tells them - and us - that one of the many ways we can worship God is to present our bodies as a living sacrifice unto God. It's important not to confuse this scripture with dying on behalf of our faith in Jesus, although that's a form of persecution some of us may have to face as believers. Instead, it's saying as long as we are living beings, we should offer our bodies as a sacrifice to God. Our bodies doesn't mean giving God a portion of our day or asking for forgiveness on Sundays for everything we did throughout the week [side eye, Lol]. Our body includes our mind [what we think], mouth [things we speak], ears [what we allow ourselves to listen to], stomach [what we feed our temple], hands and feet [how we serve], eyes [what we indulge in], and so much more! This is our true worship! We are worshiping God by submitting every part of our being unto Him [Colossians 3:17]. It get's trickier for us as we continue throughout the scripture. Romans 12:2 says, Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. It's so easy to get caught up in portraying the image of being a follower of Christ while our hearts are still so far from Him [Mm, I know. It hurt me too]. We do all the"Christian things" like go to church, usher, sing on the choir, join ministries, and say "I'm blessed and highly favored" when someone asks about our day, in an effort to show that we're not "conformed to the pattern of this world" and that we're sacrificing ourselves to God. Yet, when we truly introspect and look at the root of our actions, we're really more concerned with ensuring that our outside appearance reflects what society thinks a "good Christian" is, rather than allowing God to transform our mind and heart to desire His will. This isn't applicable to everyone who proclaims to be a believer, but it is something that the Holy Spirit had to check me on recently. A few weeks ago, I joined the youth worship team at the church I'm attending while in grad school. Initially, I was so excited about joining because I genuinely love worshiping through song, and I did so at my home church as well. Because the youth worship team is new and most of us are in school, we only practice and sing once a month. As my first day of practice came closer and closer, I began to think about how I would sound singing with the group [this is partly because most of them have years of experience in music and I'm just a little 'ole southern girl from a Baptist church so we usually just wing it lol]. I started to think, I wonder what people will think when they see me on the stage; would I blend in well with the other students; I don't know how free to be with my movement because I don't want to draw too much attention. Then the Holy Spirit said to me,  "Why are you constantly thinking about yourself and how you will be perceived? You are here to worship Jesus, not yourself." Whew. He was right. In reality I was worshiping myself. Erik Fish defines worship as "setting our mind’s attention and heart’s affection on God." My mind and heart was solely set on how I would look, how I  would sound, and what I could do to look good. Subliminally, I thought so highly of myself that I believed people would be thinking of me vs. God when they came to church. Not once did I consider how the songs would minister to their souls and glorify God. We have to realize that as humans, we have an innate desire to worship something, and if we don't stay focused and allow God to renew our minds daily, we will easily make an idol out of money, cars, sex, ministries/ministers, relationships, school, businesses, and even ourselves. ​ In what ways are you worshiping/setting your mind and heart on other things rather than on God? What are your heart's motives when  you start that business, blog, ministry, or join that organization? Are you more focused on how people will perceive you, the amount of money you will make, or the followers you will gain rather than whether or not your heart's posture is aligned with God's will and worshiping Him? I challenge you not to just give the appearance of sacrificing yourselves to God, but ask Him to truly renew your mind that you may desire His perfect will. Read  more Deuteronomy 4:19 Deuteronomy 5:8-9 Psalm 89:15 Psalm 100:2 Isaiah 2:2 John 4:23-24