keazesposts

[keazesposts]

"I would just wish I told him sooner, I miss his caring, teasing, crazy behavior. I miss the way he annoys me every day. I miss him so much. Now the only thing I have left is the memories"

[keazesposts]

" I always believe I have two people in me, One is where everyone see him, and the other is hidden inside me, the real me. "

[keazesposts]

"Imagine the person who gives you great memories, becomes a memory"

[keazesposts]

I remember when I was at a camp in our church, I met this guy. He was my roommate along with 6 others. I was easily annoyed by him from Day 1, he is rude, ignorant, to energetic, and dumb,. It was torture for 6 weeks in camp, I always wake up covered in toothpaste, or get hit by a pillow. It was early in the morning, and him hitting me with his dirty pillow just to annoy me. 6 weeks has passed and I finally will never deal with his annoying ass.

After I complete my Elementary School (in my country 1st to 4th is lower elementary level while 5th to 8th is Higher Elementary level) I attend at Emmaus Bethania High, the same campus where our Camp was, and guess what... That guy I met from the camp is my classmate. 😭😭 I wanted to cry... But luckily I am a day student while he is a Dorm Student. But that didn't stop him from teasing me in class, he even flirts with me sometimes just to embarrass me in front of my classmates. Let's just say Freshman year was not the greatest year, especially when he ruin it for me.

Sophomore year came by, and you guess it he never fail to irritate me. Almost have of the year he give me a hard time: flirting with me in front of our homophobic teacher, always give me that sly smile that he will embarrass me again. It was a miracle that he got expelled and transfer to another school. I was happy he doesn't have to bother me again, but there is a small feeling that I missed him. I didn't fall for him, I was busy having a crush on one of my male classmates at that time, so it didn't bother me that I like him, in fact I didn't know that I have feelings for him. I thought it was just a teen face, or hormones that plays your emotions, But When he came back in Junior year, that's when I knew I loved him. Of course I was denying my feelings, I didn't want him to think I already fall for him, so I ignore his bull crap and concentrate my studies and stuff. At our final semester, I found out he is dating someone girl in sophomore. I was a little hurt but my stubborn self was in the way so I ignore their relationship. Especially on Valentine's day where they do those clingy couple stuff.

At our Senior Year, It was required to all Senior Students to live at the dorm which is great cause I will see him 24/7. To make it worst he is my roommate 😡😡. I hate it: he is loud, always blame me for shit, and always bother me when I try to sleep. I hated living in the dorm, that was the last strike of my depression, which I had since I was 8th grade, living in the dorm was my last nerve before the darkness completely took over me, I refuse to socialize with my friends, And the death of my love ones took a toll of me, and Senior year was hard.

(WARNING SELF HARM AHEAD)

I started to cut my wrist every night and hid them during the day. My friends found out about my self harm, and my classmates keep on eye on me making sure I didn't do anything stupid, and would search through my stuff for sharp object, and guess what, that boy was always one of those people who search my stuff. I remember him being the one who found me at my worst moment. It was one night after lights out, I quietly went to the bathroom to cut my wrist, I was angry at myself and cut my wrist alll the way to my arms. My eyes were covered in tears... I didn't notice Him open the stall and saw my bloody hand. I didn't hear him calling my classmates to assist him. I did remember his caring eyes, and concern look. But that didn't makes me think he has feelings for me, it's just a caring friend would do. After that whole problem, he went back to his old self, flirting, and friendly teasing, just to cheer me up and of course irritating me at the same time.

There was once I did confess to him on April first, he said that he isn't bi or gay, and he really loves his girlfriend. I didn't cry nor get mad. I was just happy for him, I was also relief that I told him. (I even say it was April Fools just to avoid conflict) we were in good terms for the rest of the Senior year. Unfortunately, he didn't graduate with us, he was caught holding hands with his girlfriend, (yeah our school has no relationship policy) so they were expelled before our graduation. I was mad at our principal for an unfair punishment , because she didn't expelled on of my classmate who flirts with his girlfriend and PDA they do in campus. So he never Graduate with us . He left to Seattle fo completele certain courses before receiving his diploma. That was the last time I saw him, once in a while he post thinks he had fun in the US. While I stuck here in the islands, attending community college before set my eyes to Oregon. I hopefully he accomplish things and stay out of trouble. I still have feelings for him, but the feeling is slowly passed, and I'm moving on from that situation.

[keazesposts]

Have you ever sit and always remembering those good memories that you cherish the the most?

[keazesposts]

There is always a voice in my head keeps telling me that I don't have a worth in life, yet I never even thought about it. I maybe worthless to others, But I don't give a fudge about their perspective on me. I live and enjoy a life that God gave to me

[keazesposts]

"They say grief has a length depends on when we stop missing our loved ones, yet it seems like eternity for us to move on even if it's 6 years. It will never be the same feeling like the first year we mourn our loved ones, it stays there and it's becoming a part of our life. We may fully recovered from grief, but there is always a feeling like something is missing"

[keazesposts]

Would love to lie on the grass and enjoy the sun

[keazesposts]

" Sometimes I really want to go on a road trip, there is an excitement waiting ahead of the road"

[keazesposts]

"Making a friend is easy, but it won't be easy if they know the truth about you" -Keaz

[keazesposts]

First post for today. Staring at the sunset is just so calm and peaceful