keithswritingblog

[keithswritingblog]

In the cold of October

When the leaves and trees change over

We empty your house

We empty our thoughts

And the chairs where we rested

Now broken and splintered, stacked together

They rest with each other

Are you resting with the others?

The chests in your old rooms

Filled to the brim, with family heirlooms

Will these be the last traces

Of the family I came from

They caved under the weight

The trim and the feet gave way

I guess everything crumbles and breaks

When it's ready to

And for the first time that day

I heard my father through the haze

"Any last words you'd like to say?"

I just stood there and looked away

The last place I stand

The last place you laid

And in the darkness and the rain

Of that cold October day

I stood before the place

Where I've stood so many days

[keithswritingblog]

State of mind

I'm afraid

That these pills arent working

And I know I might

Seem like I'm better

But inside my mind

These feelings are just littered across the floor

And there's no one to clean them

So they pile, miles high

Start to flow out through my eyes

Cant fucking cry when I'm around the guys

But why?

Surely they've seen worse

But I'm stuck with these insecurities

That showing some emotion

Will invoke

Some fury

But that's how my brain goes

Dont know why my brain goes

To some dark place

Whenever I'm alone

Which is almost always

And if someday

My brain would pour out of my ears

Then maybe I'd be left without these fears

And I'd walk through the valley of death

And lay down beside my old ways

With bated breath

That my childhood ways

Could come back

Because I don't like where my minds at

I dont like where my minds at.

[keithswritingblog]

Drown it out

Is the gravel any softer

Since I fell as a child

Does the wind sound any louder

I just need to drown it out

Just need to drown it out

How the city was alight

That night when I came to a thought

I couldn't ask for any more

Will this all end with a thought?

Will this all end with a thought?

Heard a man shout out his window

From the glee of a small shower

Felt the rain descend my arm

Thought I felt you in that hour

Thought I felt you in that hour

Is the gravel any softer

Since I fell as a child

Does the wind sound any louder

I just need to drown it out

Please tell me how to

Drown it out

Maybe I could sprout a pair of wings

Then I'd fly towards the sun

Feel the weight turn to cinder

Know the burning means it's done

Know the burning means it's done

I know there's peace upon the broken ground

Felt it sprout when I fell down

Pass the windows as I said good bye

Finally Found my way out of this

damn town

My way out of this damn

Town

So tell me

Is the gravel any softer

Since I fell as a child

Does the wind sound any louder

I just need to drown it out

I just need to drown it out

Is the gravel any softer

Is the gravel any softer

Is the gravel any softer

Is the gravel-

[keithswritingblog]

I don't want to swim anymore

I've given in

I've let go

It's time

for the tides

To decide

They may crash

They may batter

Till I'm left a broken mess

Well

More broken than now

They may drag me through rocks

My skin will break open

And the scarlet cacophony inside

Will poison the water.

I may be tangled

Held against my will

I'd rather drown.

Rows of rope

Coarse yet binding

To hold a vessel

Of dread

To hold a vessel

Till death.

Water fills lungs

Till their pockets burst

Waves rush forth

Collect what they may

Along the way

My thoughts remain

Untouched

Unscathed

They remain

[keithswritingblog]

What if this life isn’t meant for me What if it’s all just some cruel joke? A life or a lie, I’d rather not know Clearer and clearer that happiness isn’t owed to me Got me fucked up because I don’t have a hold

What if everybody doesn’t stay What if I run out of things to say It never seems like they stay long enough Been acting like things ain’t been that rough What if I never make it to seventy What if my end ain’t that far ahead of me?

Haven’t been living my life I’m stuck in the past Old feelings creep up, they taking a hold of me Sick of being told what I’m supposed to be I’m not living for me I’m living for you

[keithswritingblog]

Seldom do we hear of a disease that benefits a person, usually the metion instills a deep sense of dread and fear... But I had high hopes from the beginning, and maybe that's why the fall was that much harder. I can remember the day, I got home early, late fall, changing of colors and the way the trees look, guess it was fitting that this was the day something in my life would change too. I was sat down and told not to tell my sisters, I was told you had cancer, the kind that was hard to get to at that. Nothing came of it until later the next year, things were off and everyone was quiet... I guess you got worse instead of better. It took your hair, those beautiful locks of red, curled to a perfect fit, it took your smile, everytime I saw it there seemed to be a hidden pain hiding behind, it took your skin, the glow you once had now dimmed as if we could see the cancer flowing through your veins, it took everything and yet you kept giving to us... and I was too naive and dumb to realize. I know you can't read this now, but this is an apology letter, and I'll hold on to it until the day I die. You would call us every night, asking us how we were, wanting to know about our day, I took those calls for granted, answering with simple "it's was fine" "nothing" "haha" "yeah". All you wanted was to hear how I was and I didn't even have heart to ask you how you were. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about all the things I could have said, the things I want to say so badly right now but have no way to get them to you. When you took us to stay on the cape, I always watched T.V. or used the computer, for some reason I couldn't talk to you, there was a dear I'd break down in front of you, or maybe it's because I didn't recognize the person sitting in front of me anymore, I was too young to know that you were the same person I'd loved all my life and that's how I should have treated the situation. No, instead I kept saying "don't worry she will get better then we can make memories again". Well that didn't happen, and now I'm stuck with faint memories from when I was very young, and I fear those may fade, like how I can't remember 12 or when I was 14. Instead I'm left with the overbearing memories of what could have been, and how I took every second for granted, wasting whatever precious time I had. Instead I'm left with memories of crying, balling my eyes out in pews, with people I've never met, shaking their hands as they said "she's in a better place now", in a church for a God I no longer believe in, how could I? I also remember every Sunday going to church and giving my prayers in your name, every morning I woke up early to pray, and I said the rosary every night, praying for you, but they were never answered. I remember screaming to the heavens demanding to know why they took you,  but they had no answer.... so I stopped calling... It's been 3 years since then and it's not the same with out you. I see you in my dreams though, smiling wide and happy, full of life and color, your red hair curled to a perfect fit, and I'm filled with such joy, because we have time together again, but not real time, for as I wake that bright dream slowly fades into the dim reality all around.... I miss you and I love you, I'm sorry for what I did in the past, for not giving you more time or love, but it's too late now and I can only ask for forgiveness... but there's no one here to ask Your loving grandson, Keith 

[keithswritingblog]

I know I've said the words "I love you" countless times before, and through text? I can't imagine how many... but I know for sure that each one was not the same, said at different times for different reasons, after a fight, while laying next to you, your beauty and presence intoxicating me, and perhaps even when one of us is falling apart. So I thought I'd write this letter to you, because written words tend to ignore the rules of time, the way this letter is written will be the same 100 years from now. Even if it is hung in a museum, prompting and inspiring others to write one like it..... but in a way I hope this isn't hung in a gallery or museum, they'll praise the author of the letter, but not the one it's written to, even though they are the ones who made the feelings arise to write the letter. And for me that someone is you, for years I never thought I'd find someone worth writing for, and yet here I am, spilling my emotions out on paper. Before I met you I thought every story needed an ending, but know I'm hoping that's not true.. because then there would have to be an ending for us, and that's not something I'd ever like to think upon, perhaps some stories are meant to live on through ages, shared between two lovers while holding a moment of embrace. They'll tell our tale, before falling into a peaceful silence, letting their love grow as strong. I fear I'm rambling now, just as I always do when I think of you... thank you for being in my life, thank you for being the person you are, the perfect fit into my life, thank you for existing. -love forever

[keithswritingblog]

This may seem odd, or come at an odd time, but some of the words that stick with us tend to do that… As I start to fall for someone new, someone who for once since things turned around, is not you, I could only think on how mad the feeling of affection for others is, or at least how I perceive it. See I swore to myself that I would never fall for someone again, why would I? Especially how the last one ended, but we’ll get to that later. This is an open letter, to the ones I love, and to my first love. (And if my first love is reading this, dont worry, this isnt a desperate attempt to get you back) It was an odd love, I can’t lie, a long distance love between some one from the states and someone from Africa, but it worked out, well, for a little while at least. I learned a lot while I was with you, things I won’t forget moving forward, you taught me that I deserve love, for the longest time I didn’t think I would ever experience it, but you taught me the basics. How to care for someone else, how the little things are what matters the most, and especially, how to accept love back. And for a while I wouldn’t put my phone down, I stopped any and all attempts to get back on a healthy sleep cycle just to experience love through an l.c.d. screen, neither of our parents knew why we had grown so fond of our phones, and I definitely have not lied to my parents as many times as I did when they asked “who are you so excited to talk to?” But that was the thing, it was love through a screen, we could have been whoever we wanted to be, and hell sometimes and I think we made ourselves too perfect, sure you saw me at some low points, and I’ll never forget the nights you called me just to hush me to sleep, but other than that? I picked the angles you saw me at, I could take time to formulate that perfect response, there was no threat of an actual relationship, no awkward sentences that barely make sense, no awkward attempts to hold hands or place arms around each other, none of that, they were all picture esque descriptions held between two *’s. I was in heaven, stuck in the clouds, not heaven though, a false reality, and when that reality was ripped from my life I was forced to see the world how I had once saw it, bleak and dismal. This marks the first time I had lost love. If im honest, I don’t have any words on lost love, maybe at a later date though. This letter probably makes no sense, but thank you, thank you for opening my eyes and I know you’ll be happier with someone closer, but keep up the opera work, it has potential. And to all of those who have helped me through the year, and you know who you are, all of you god sends who somehow repaired my strings when I was dangling from just one, ready to fall, thank you. I don’t know how I would have made it without you but I have, and it’s because I do have you, the sky is opening and the light is shining through, I’m happy now and talking to someone new. A breath of fresh air has filled my lungs and I’m starting to awake a new

-peace and love everyone, peace and love