kimikojones

[kimikojones]

Recapping a bit of time

Been a while since I wrote, I know. The last few days have been uneventful for the most part. The ship we were given for the mission was a hunk of shit with a kitchen that matched the rest. I’ll make it work. One-pot meals for the duration of the trip, I guess.

Making it to the planet wasn’t too hard, but some weird... I dunno... warp monsters? I’ll go with that. These warp monsters were freaking everyone out. Nothing came of it but a few scares. When we got there, we learned that Brax had to be leashed because human. 

In all honesty, I never really got that. Why shit on humans? They’re just another bipedal carbon-based race. Honestly, our Doctor looks like a human to some extent. What if we just scribbled spots on Brax the next time we come to a planet full of assholes like this one? Then again, I guess being half-human gives me some sympathy, but I look enough like an elf to pass to these jerks.

And it turns out someone else on this planet agrees with me. While walking down the street, we ran into an AI named Michael who was preaching about equal rights for Humans and his fellow AI. Me and a few of the others chatted for a bit with him. He’s got a lot to say, and he’s travelling to spread his message. Don’t know how far he’ll get, but I wish him all the luck in the worlds.

So, we head back to the ship to discuss the plan. Supposedly the guy that runs the casino that Naomi has a chance of being in produces this drug called... Phoenix? Weird name, and an even weirder drug. It gives an amazing high, at a high death risk. And that death risk comes with a chance of being revived into a walking body that only lives for the high. These are only rumors, though, and who knows? It might not be true.

Brax and Ellee (who has been an AI the whole time?) came back with a number for a High Roller suite. Turns out Monomo is quite a gambler, and has just enough to get into the suite. But he needs bodyguards as a mandatory precaution. And I’m perfect for the job. And Lily is coming along as the second one, using the “cute schoolgirl” look.

Got to practice my skills on a snooty shopkeep while buying a school uniform for my partner. I glared him into a lower price pretty well. Fortunately, my suit was not hard to acquire. According to Lily, I clean up really well, whatever that means. Unfortunately, I am no good with hair. The best I could do was offer to chop it all off, and she took one look at my machete and decided to ask someone else.

Well, now we wait. Let’s go get this Naomi Black chick and finish up this mission.

[kimikojones]

2/9

Got the job, as previously mentioned, and I had to fill out the customary paperwork. I ask my parasite for ONE THING. JUST ONE. She didn’t have to fill out the entire form for me. I mean, if you’re cohabiting in someone else’s body, the least you can do is show a little respect.

While filling out the paperwork, though, I saw something that kind of... freaked me out a bit? Turns out the Great God Emperor has made himself busy while I was away. DOGEP is a system now, not a single planet. Fucking great. Gonna be harder to avoid the ever-watching eyes now.

Anyways, we finish up the paperwork and get our mission and our captain. We have to go and find this gambler and bounty hunter named Naomi Black and bring her back to HQ alive. This calls for SUBTLETY. The cap admitted that he drew a short straw and we are the most expendable group that is available. Hey, I’ve been called worse. 

Everybody introduced themselves, but I was having a hard time paying attention due to a song that gets on everybody’s nerves. I like the Kobold, though. He’s got fire. And there’s this chick with a huge sword. She.. played some kind of virtual game and only eats prepackaged rations? I never thought of myself as old until now.

So anyways, we leave HQ and are confronted by the cook who has standards. Now, you see, I have one reaction when being confronted, and that’s to confront them right back. If you tried shrimpy negotiations or avoidance tactics back on the Rock, you would’ve just been killed outright. Or thought of as a little bitch. And there’s no saving yourself once you have that recognition. So of course, a brawl started. And embarrassingly, I was downed by a gunner. No respect for the one-on-one duel, I see. Good to know. I was brought back pretty quickly, and made a beeline for the inn.

Just waiting for everyone else to show up now. I want to celebrate the start of our first mission.

[kimikojones]

That means Kimiko would have some kind of scrawny street dog that you can tell has been in a ton of fights, but still looks like a healthy dog. Oh- and it eats EVERYTHING.

And Malice... I’m scared of her dog.

Your character class is represented by having a relevant doggo to pet while playing (a wise old dog for wizard, a big strong dog for fighter, a particularly beautiful dog for bard)

[kimikojones]

Sorry, but Mingus has too many positive connotations because that is the name one of my little kidlets gave his curious George plush that he brings with him to school every day. Whenever we read Curious George books, he screams "THAT NOT GEORGE, THAT MINGUS!" And I have to change the name as I read the book.

The word “moist” is the Number One universally reviled word in the English language due to both its definition and the way it sounds. Similarly gross words include

chunks

curdling

squirt

munch

bulbous

pustule

sink

squirm

slippery

Which got me wondering, can I elicit the same emotions with words that have no meaning? And the answer is “Yes, yes you definitely can.”

So here it is: words and phrases that elicit “thanks, i hate it!” by sheer negative sonority

scrungo

beesechurger

mingus

hurgling

tungus

Scrimmy Bingus and the Crungy Spingus

slurm

chungus

crungle

gunch

But did you know you can make it even worse by combining them??

bucket of curdling chunks

the pustulous gunch muncher

your squirming tungus

this crungy beesechurger

a squirting chungus

the slurm sink

a slippery mingus

And my all time favorite

m y ⠀m o i s t ⠀s c r u n g o

[kimikojones]

Four pearl birds

https://twitter.com/aa7221762a

[kimikojones]

Kimiko’s Backstory

As I am writing this as Miss Kimiko Jones, she is writing as if everyone knows about who she is and where she comes from. I figure the rest of the world might like to know what’s up as well. Story under the cut for reasons. 

INFORMATION NOT IN HER BACKSTORY THAT IS ALSO IMPORTANT: The DM informed me MONTHS after I created this that humans had only recently started appearing in the galaxy, and a half human/half elf is ABSURDLY rare at this time. He estimates there are only about a hundred or so in the whole galaxy. Because of this, nobody has ever met one.

Kimiko’s home planet is known as the Dominion of God-Emperor Primus, or as it is shortened in more official records, DOGEP. Nobody knows when God-Emperor Primus came to power. Most on the planet assume he had always ruled. Others believe his rise was recent and he altered history to make it seem like he had ruled forever. The one thing all agreed on was the fact that he governed all. If any disagreed, they were never seen or heard from again

Both humans and elves are known for their tenacity and ability to resist, and if they believe in something, they are willing to fight. Even if the fight costs them their lives. Such was the fate of Ryuji and Leandra Jones, whose publications against God-Emperor Primus got them sent far away, leaving their nine year old daughter Kimiko in the guardianship of her much more loyal aunt and uncle. Kimiko got regular letters from her parents telling her they were alright and to keep out of trouble.

When Kimiko turned 13, she started to realize something was off about the letters. They weren't worded right, they didn't read like human speech, and most importantly, they were all the exact same except for a few sentences changed around. This raised suspicion and Kimiko started investigating. Her investigation led her to the resistance group her parents were a part of and they told her the truth. In reality, her parents had died four years ago and the letters were written by computers to keep her complacent. Sudden grief paired with adolescent rage made Kimiko immediately offer to help the resistance in any way possible. They put her to work running messages and materials to other resistance bases around the city, including some very illegal contraband. And as far as she knew, her aunt and uncle were none the wiser.

On her 18th birthday, she learned that the exact opposite was true. Kimiko made her way home from a resistance job to find the God-Emperor's Peacekeepers waiting for her. It turns out her aunt and uncle were watching her very closely and supplying the local Peacekeeper unit with information about her whereabouts. Nothing was done while she was a minor, but she had racked up such a large criminal record that this last job was all they needed to ship her off to Ostralys, a penal planet on the very edge of the known universe.

Upon touching down on Ostralys, Kimiko could see that she was a small fish in a massive ocean and needed to find a way to survive in a barren wasteland full of dangerous monsters and hulking barbarians. Quickly, she found her way into a local clan, who were impressed with her speed and ability to hide in the smallest cracks that she had developed on her home planet from her smuggling job. She was employed to them as a scout and messenger to the other area clans, and also quickly picked up how to cook. She soon came to call it home, and picked up on calling Ostralys “The Rock”, which was the name by which the planet’s inmates called it.

She lived this way for fifteen years, and while they weren't the happiest of years she at least survived and became strong. Her culinary ability became well-known, as she was able to cook practically anything- as long as it wasn't poisonous. “If the corpse is maggot-ridden, hand over those maggots. They're a good snack if roasted properly.” Was a phrase that was quickly attributed to her.

She continued her life this way until the fateful day she was tasked to send a message to a nearby clan about a potential alliance between the two. A sharpshooter from a rival clan, though, wanted to make sure this alliance had no chance of happening. He aimed at the sprinting Kimiko and shot- hitting her just below the heart. She barely made it to a nearby cave before collapsing.

When she finally woke up, she saw that her wound was almost completely healed and there was absolutely no pain.

“I won't always be able to do that, but desperate times call for desperate measures.” a voice echoed in her head.

A confused Kimiko was eventually introduced to Maleus Maleficarum, either Malice or Mal for short, the being that was now inhabiting her body. Mal's previous host had very recently been sent to Ostralys after events that it didn't feel much like talking about, and that host had recently passed, leaving a window of only a day or so to find a new host before Mal died from lack of nutrients. The fact that Kimiko had been so nearby was like the greater powers were sending it a gift, and it immediately jumped to her body. And now that she had a new host, it was time to leave. After all, Mal had a mission to finish.

Kimiko, however, was reluctant. She ran back to her clan to find it almost completely decimated. It turns out she had been recovering for almost three days and in that time, war broke out because of her undelivered message. She was greeted with a hail of bullets and ran off. With nothing left on The Rock, she decided that the best thing to do was go off-planet and finish the mission that her new companion had left undone. Maybe finally stick it to the God-Emperor as well...

[kimikojones]

2/2

Finally made it to Trins after a while of traveling. My lovely parasite tells me that’s where it’ll be easier to make a few creds before going on to wherever else it wants me to go. Had to beat the shit out of a suit for my seat, but it worked out in the end.

As a city, Trins is nothing like I’ve ever seen before. Too many lights. Lots of colors. Nothing like The Rock. This “MORTON CORP” stuff everywhere. It’s a little unsettling, to say the least. I haven’t seen this much imagery of a single thing since DOGEP all those years ago. Malice said she liked all the colors, and then got prickly if I asked if it was because they reminded her of herself. I’ll never get her.

Made my way to the Bounty Hunting agency, where it turns out they’ll give jobs to anyone stupid or desperate enough to take them. Fortunately, I happen to be both of those things. The guy barking out jobs said he was looking for a cook, so I stepped up. There were the usual questions about my background, which I have been getting since, well, forever. I waved them off quickly enough.

From the job selection process, I have learned that a lot of other cooks have much higher standards than I do, which sucks for them. If you want to survive, you have to learn to keep your options open. Even if it means serving up the corpse of a fallen comrade. No complaints here. Never really cooked Aaracockra before, but can’t be any different than other humanoids. Low and slow for the tougher cuts, a nice sear on anything leaner... nothing difficult.

Well, easy to say I got the job because the yelling dude “Liked my attitude.” Good to know somebody does.

[kimikojones]

Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

[kimikojones]

Today is day 1 of Kimiko's adventure. And I made sure to find dice that properly fit the character.

[kimikojones]

New blog icon! Session 0 went off yesterday, and Kimiko/Malice’s stats came out to be pretty dece. 

Our first campaign, and Kimiko’s first journal entry, will come out on February 2nd!

[kimikojones]

Hey all! We are having our session 0 on Saturday, where we will all sit and make character sheets together! 

Because this is a space campaign, we had to add some skills, and my husband also added in the concept of a “job” to go along with backgrounds, just because he wanted to know how all of our characters would function on a ship. I plan on going more in-depth with the job system later on when he gives me more details. But because of these additions, we needed to make a new character sheet.

So what you have here are three pages and about two weeks worth of design trial and error to make what you see before you. When I get more information on jobs and skills, I will post them here, as well as the other races and classes that we had to homebrew specifically for this campaign.

[kimikojones]

Hello All!

I am going to make this little corner of the internet a place to record the adventures of our new campaign that will be starting in the new year, as well as all the things that will be involved in making it.

The system will be D&D Fifth Edition, and the setting will be SPAAACE. The DM (my husband) will be making a TON of homebrew stuff for this particular campaign, like tech skills and a job system to go alongside the background system. For example, the character I have going on for this one is a Half Elf Fighter with an Outlander background and her job is Cook. Her name is Kimiko Jones and she is actually a revival of an old Shadowrun character I played a few years back. This campaign has seen a HUGE change in her backstory and motives, and maybe I will compare them in a future post.

For now, this is all going to be prep and background info until the campaign starts next year. I just felt the need to steal this name before anyone else got to it, honestly. Then again, who’s going to take this blog name? Whatever.