kitten-intern

[kitten-intern]

[kitten-intern]

[kitten-intern]

there's no temptress quite as irresistible as the mid afternoon sleepies

[kitten-intern]

[kitten-intern]

I finally made the meme I've had in my head for over a year

[kitten-intern]

Yesterday I had a dream I somehow ended up going back to my exfriend and had a conversation that gave more closure. This morning I had a dream that a guy that ghosted me was somehow in my life again and was interested in getting to know me.

My brain is desperate to confine me to my old life :(

[kitten-intern]

it was never gonna work out but i experienced all these seemingly profound unreplicable moments that were romantic and moving and made me feel alive and still none of it actually means anything in the long run. but thats okay. sometimes a beautiful moment is just that. a moment. and you have to leave it alone and just be grateful that it happened. woooow

[kitten-intern]

[kitten-intern]

Sorry to break it to you but you literally have to face your fears and slaughter them. Otherwise you will live a small life that you do not want. You literally have to view your biggest fears and attack them head on. You have to fall into the abyss to find your way out. The easy path does not exist. There is no get out of jail free card. You have to allow yourself to die a spiritual death over and over again in order to reinvent yourself into the person you are actually supposed to be. And you have to be painfully honest with yourself and the people around you. It’s horrible but it’s truly the only way.

[kitten-intern]

well, i ended up having a hard talk with a now ex-friend. long-story-short i had feelings for him and we tried to make the friendship work for the better part of two years and i was kinda just generally disrespecting my own boundaries.

he asked to be roommates and i kinda just came to the realization that i would not be able to be his roommate for the same reasons that i shouldnt continue the friendship. he continually was unreceptive to hard conversations we would have and pretty dismissive about things he did that hurt my feelings.

today i cut things off bc i was kinda tired of being led on and not being really heard or seen. he didnt even care. he just accepted it, which i mean yeah, i dont think theres an easy way to process that kind of news, but he really just thought everything was fine after i repeatedly told him i am really struggling to get over my feelings for him. all and all it was for the best but i do miss him and wish he couldve grown into a better person. i think hes just emotionally stunted and literally cannot process that he can do harm without intent

i shouldve been more clear that i want a friend to be able to check me and respect the boundaries i put in place, even when i cross them myself. but yeah, time to cry i guess. this next year is gonna be hard

[kitten-intern]

Actually my favorite replacement for both 'kill myself' jokes and jokes about reacting violently to things/people that upset me is "I'm going to end up on the news" like it's versatile, it's vague, it's not going to get me in trouble with any censors or websites that take joke threats seriously, it's family friendly while still getting the point across, what's not to love???

[kitten-intern]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to lose interest in everything ive ever loved

[kitten-intern]

The internet is such a beautiful haunted echoey warehouse

[kitten-intern]

vent incoming:

the past year has been so rough mentally.. im having a hard time balancing time for friendships and time for work, and moreover most of my friends are people i work with so that adds a layer of complexity to my issue with self-image/self-esteem

theres a weird dynamic i have with people at work bc im a shift lead so they all take direction from me while at work (not that im any more important or competent, but i have responsibilities they dont)

and now im going through a friendship/situationship breakup that is causing me so much stress... the separation being on my own terms is kinda tripping me out bc ive never really had this kind of conversation with someone, even in my past romantic breakups..

it just sucks bc my weird coping mechanism is to self-isolate and now that ive accidentally cut-off most of the people ive had meaningful connections to, im struggling to cut off the person who actually needs to leave my life (it feels weirdly like an abusive relationship where the abuse is emotional except its really not manifesting in ways typical of emotional abuse. that being said, it is similar in that i have an emotional codependency on this person so leaving feels like im ripping my heart out..)

not looking for advice, just writing this all down so i can be comfortable with keeping accountability toward myself; something about the public nature yet private window is strangely energizing and motivates me to do better

[kitten-intern]

i was reminiscing about my crazy unhinged twitter acct that i basically used as a virtual diary and forgot that i can post literally anywhere else besides that terrible website

i had a thought that went something like this:

"blogs are so cute you can just post whatevers on your mind, i wish i had a blog... *realization* i do have a blog!"

so this is me making a blog post, hi

i dont care whos reading, i just like to think that someone is.

[kitten-intern]

OP turned off reblogs so this is my post now. Behold, the "Objective quality vs. degree of ferality" scale

Here are a few of my own personal datapoints: