kittenunleashthewolf

[kittenunleashthewolf]

[kittenunleashthewolf]

[kittenunleashthewolf]

Faux sympathy is genuinely the hottest thing ever. The idea of being so overstimmed you can’t even get out moans, just pathetic little whimpers and just hearing “I know, I know, it’s so much isn’t it puppy?”

like yes it is so much but gods please never stop

[kittenunleashthewolf]

Why tell me to ask you questions if I want to know specifics... Then you answer none of the questions? They're not even that hard.

In person I'll bet, where you'll be creepy as fuck and try for a hug or to touch me in some way because showing up is what you'll see as consent.

"I'm the same I can't do anything without vetting as for boundaries I prefer to discuss that" - Them

Oh, yeah? I'll bet you mean in person too, and just showing up means you'll think that's consent to hug or touch me.

Hard pass.

[kittenunleashthewolf]

[kittenunleashthewolf]

[kittenunleashthewolf]

"Flirt with someone much younger than you"

Absolutely not, but I have two currently flirting with *me*.

I'm sitting here thinking, "Um.... What sort of bullshit is this"?

In the last year, I've had four men or masc non-binary peeps all between 31 - 34 hit on me, aggressively but respectfully. Meanwhile, I'm attempting to flirt with my own age range, and.... Nada.

I've always been up front about preferring my own age or older, so this younger person hitting on me is wigging me out a bit.

What changed that my own age wants nothing to do with me, but younger guys are being bold about their interest?

[kittenunleashthewolf]

I fought every inch I could.

I thank you for the lessons, the scars and the memories.

We may share similar spaces, but sure as shit, I won't be going near you and you're not going to notice any way.

Breaking a promise for someone who doesn't care enough to think, isn't an issue to me.

[kittenunleashthewolf]

"Show me where they fought for you, as hard as you fought for them"

I can't. I don't know if they ever did.

[kittenunleashthewolf]

Didn't even get to a year.

Now, I have a half finished project. A shattered heart. A deep emotional wound that feels like I'm bleeding out in shreds. A psychological chaos that's left me with clear physical trauma.

And I'm absolutely done.

I did cause this.

By trying to give them what they wanted, what they demanded and needed. Something they were already taking from me without asking.

By not keeping my mouth shut.

Now, that project goes unfinished and I have to forget what real happiness feels like.

I did this to myself by trying to give what they wanted.

I made a promise to wait for them, and I will. I'll die waiting but it's better than trusting another person, spending time looking and doing this again. They refuse to speak to me, and I understand why. I wouldn't either.

Not when they said they can't see a future with me that isn't painful.

At 38, I'm happy to stay uncollared, unowned, unpartnered and without that side of me. I said one last time.

I mean it.

I can't and won't do this again. I don't have it in me to trust like that again. Them? Yes. Another? No.

Damaged goods.

[kittenunleashthewolf]

[kittenunleashthewolf]

"I crave you"

No.

You don't.

You're confusing loneliness and internal insecurities and rejection, with wanting me.

You're projecting what you need to soothe your trauma wounds onto me because I am conveniently available.

I know what it's like to be craved. To be truly wanted.

What you offer?

Isn't even close.

It's self-serving, shallow, and vapid. As long as you feel good, it'll do the job, though. Until you find someone you actually want, crave, and need.

I hope they find you and you realise the mistake you've made. I'm not the one for you, even if you are my one. I can live with that. You, though, I hope will wake up to the misery you actually have with me and heal enough to leave.

It's already started. I just wish it wouldn't take so long.

[kittenunleashthewolf]

In case you need the reminder, it's a privilege to touch another person's body, not a right.

[kittenunleashthewolf]

[kittenunleashthewolf]

I'm not often one for angel numbers or numerology but...

A few months before my cat died, I was given a dragon door guardian with carnelian, obsidian and fire stone as a gift with the numbers 5599. The cashier made a comment about the numbers being significant but I didn't look them up at the time, I was just overwhelmed by having my door guardian.

My cat dies. 02:44AM. Which works out to me the same number as my personal number. The rest of the day? 11:11/6767/2424

All of these numbers are wishes granted, that I'm being too hard on myself and need to give myself grace (blame myself for his suffering), I am on the right course, and things are going exactly how they should.

...

Yeah. I'm always listening. I haven't stopped listening. I'm just tired, Fate/Destiny/Universe/Gods. Very, very, very tired.

[kittenunleashthewolf]

This is the lie that makes the other shoe drop real.

They say this, after breaking a promise, or three, like it matters now.

They know they fucked up so *now, *NOW* that they know it's too late, they say they'll make the effort.

There's more effort in my pouring a shot of gin, then there is in the follow through that anyone has ever had for me.

------

There's holidays for two weeks.

I'll put down all my money that everything drops off, he goes quiet and then admits that there's someone else or was someone else. Finally.

He'll cry. Whimper. Gnash his teeth. Blame himself. Beg for another chance.

The Pattern is there. I just have to be patient and wait for it to end.

[kittenunleashthewolf]

I'm so disappointed but yeah, the shoe dropped.