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kiwiraccoon · 4 months

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Teaser

HongJoong Bullet Imagine

Summary: Your boyfriend had been missing for days and no one was doing anything about it because of his delinquent tendencies, so you took matters into your own hands. When you find him you tease him but he isn’t so happy about that.

Notes: Suggestive, MDNI, ropes, teasing, tied up, dominant Joong

On the fifth day of your boyfriend being missing and no one helping you take matters into your own hands.

You had been keeping tabs on possible clues throughout the five days and felt like you had enough to find him.

You drive quickly to the abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere, feeling an adrenaline rush pump through your veins.

Your boyfriend never allowed you to join in on his hobbies and finally you were able to even though he had no clue.

Reaching the warehouse you sense no one around but bring protection just in case and sneak into the building.

Walking around the perimeter you find no sign of anyone and make your way inside still fully aware of your surroundings.

Inside you sense no one again and make your way into the main room.

You see your boyfriend in the middle of the room tied up to a chair with a camera on him.

He has his head down but you know he hears you.

Instead of talking to him you walk to the camera and turn it off, not forgetting to smile and wave cutely at whoever is watching.

They will know that his girlfriend is just as sneaky with a delinquent side.

Hongjoong looks up and watches you just stand in front of him.

You know you should be rushing to free him and freaking out at seeing his bruises.

Instead you start laughing.

You had believed he was this top tier guy who never got caught and here he was.

You tease him.

“Awww does baby want to be free?”

“Look who is all tied up. How cute!”

“Honey are the ropes to tight?”

“You’re so cute all helpless and tied up!”

You had pinched his cheeks a few times and pouted at him to emphasize your teasing.

Everything stopped when his voice came out.

“Let me go.”

It wasn’t just him asking.

He used his commanding dominant voice on you, the one he refused to use on you.

Without thinking you went to work on the ropes instantly.

As soon as they slipped from his wrists you were in a daze.

He had moved faster than you could imagine and now you were tied to the chair while he stood in front of you.

With his demonic smirk on his face he leaned forward to be eye level with you and place his hands on your thighs.

With a squeeze he whispered “you wanted to tease me, now it’s your turn.”

#Ateez imagine #Ateez #Ateez fanfic #Ateez ff #Ateez Hongjoong #Ateez captain #Hongjoong #Hongjoong imagine #Hongjoong fanfic #Hongjoong ff #Bullet imagine #Tied up #Imagine #Teasing

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kiwiraccoon · 5 months

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Next up is….

I keep getting more and more ideas but I don’t want to disappoint with not uploading the series, so what do you prefer next?

#next in line #what do you think?#ateez #stray kids #bang chan #choi san #chan skz #san atz

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kiwiraccoon · 5 months

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Our Own Story

Read To Me pt. 2

Yunho x reader

Description: Read To Me Pt. 2: “Put the book away, let’s write our own story tonight.” Yunho doesn’t hold back anymore, he’s waited long enough. Your story has been a slow burn, he’s tired of the glances, fluff moments, and boring nights thinking about what if.

Word Count: 1117 (unintentional)

Warnings: MDNI, female pleasuring (not descriptive), borderline smut (first time writer), petnames, dom!yunho x sub!femreader

part one

You set the book on your bedside table letting your need and desire completely take over your mind, you didn’t realize how deprived of touch you were until this very moment. His hands remained in their place, one dangerously slipping underneath the hem of your shorts and the other holding him up by his elbow while his hand softly touched the exposed skin of your stomach. “Yun, what-“

“Shhh baby, don’t ruin our story.” He says the moment our eyes meet, I can see the same desire I feel swimming through his innocent yet dangerous eyes. The heat from his body surrounds my being like a warm blanket, heating me all the way to my very core. We’ve spent so many times laying in the same bed just enjoying each other’s company, it’s all we needed to feel content. Now I know I won’t feel content until his body is connected with mine in a way neither of us have experienced together.

We would be breaking down a wall that would no longer leave us stuck on opposite sides of roommates. “Are you sure?”

He chuckles at my question, “I should be asking you that.” He takes a moment to scoot a little closer, invading my space in an intimate way that sends fire burning through every vein in my body. “Baby, are you sure?”

Not breaking the intense eye contact between us I move to push the blanket away from my skin, removing that wall myself, I refuse to let it get in the way any longer. I never wanted it there in the first place. “Write our story Yun, make the words on the page come to life please.”

He wastes no time in moving his hand from my thigh up my body to the side of my face to hold it tenderly while he leans in to connect our lips. The feeling is so much more than what the stories say. It’s not just fireworks or butterflies, no it’s euphoria, bursts of serotonin, complete and utter happiness, and the perfect amount of ecstasy.

The world around us disappears into nothingness, a void of darkness to swarm us in the moment that we both have been waiting so long for. He craved me almost as much as I craved him, and I would prove that. I move my hand to wrap around his neck, tangling my fingers into his hair to give slight tugs at random times. Our kiss grew stronger with my actions, and when I heard the sound he made my whole body lit on fire.

The flames dance under my skin tickling spots with a needle like feeling to shock my nerves to life. I wouldn’t believe anyone who told me I was alive at this moment, I feel as if my soul is a million miles away in a paradise someone can only dream about.

His hand on my stomach moves up my skin under my shirt more at a pace that leaves whimpers escaping my throat to be swallowed by his kisses. I can feel the electricity building underneath my skin following his touch. It burns like the most beautiful bonfire underneath the perfect sunset of orange and purple skies.

I never believed I would feel the words I had read in so many different versions on pages from various books. But here I was having a book start something I had only dreamed about.

Yunho moves his mouth from mine against the skin of my jaw and down my neck to my collarbone. I can’t begin to explain the sensation I feel from his lip on my skin, it’s like I can see and understand paradise without knowing exactly what it means to me, it feels other worldly but that world isn’t known. I can but cannot explain the complete fulfillment. It makes all the sense in the world but my brain cannot wrap around it.

His hands make pleasure seem as if it wasn’t the easiest thing to bring to myself when in reality any other hands could never, mine absolutely could not. My conscious mind was only on the feelings and sensations he gave me, yet I still failed to realize he had moved his hands lower. One hand holding my side still in a comforting yet strong grasp, exuding dominance with a splash of care and comfort.

“Tell me how you feel.” I hardly register the words in my broken and fading mind. His voice held a rasp that made my legs squeeze tight around his one hand. Though he wasn’t having it as he used that hand to push my right leg down to the mattress with a firm grasp on my thigh. “Tell me, not show me.”

“Oh god,” was all I breathlessly said, not knowing exactly how to form a sentence. All he had done was kiss and touch me and here I was completely losing my sanity.

His chuckle makes my eyes land on him. He lowers his head to my chest as he chuckles before he looks up and makes direct eye contact with me. The few seconds of silence make my world feel like it’s ready to implode. Who he is now is not the cute puppy I want to squeeze and cuddle for hours on end. No this is a dog, one ready to pounce. “God?” He lets out a small chuckle again. “No, say my name baby.”

He pleases me in a way I’ve never felt before with just his hand making me take in a sharp breath and hold it in. I suck in my lips to bite down on them as I whimper louder than I have tonight. He gives me more and more, pushing my limits and making stars appear behind my closed eyes.

I can feel the pressure building in my core as it tries to break free from its hold, the walls cracking and bending against their will. The second his lips touch my skin again I can feel the walls give in, “Yunho!”

“That’s it baby, that’s my name. Say it again.” And I do a few times letting him know he was the one that caused my undoing that ripped the sounds from my throat and reached my core so easily.

Seconds pass before my consciousness comes back to me and I pull Yunho closer to me into a cuddling position we both love sleeping in. “Yun?”

“Yeah?” He asks while he tugs me in closer to him.

“What did we just do?”

His chuckles brings a smile to my face, making me dig my face into his chest to hide any embarrassment I feel. “That was only the beginning baby.”

#Jeong Yunho #Ateez yunho #Yunho x reader #Yunho #Yunho fic #Yunho imagine #Ateez #Ateez fic #Ateez imagine

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kiwiraccoon · 5 months

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my exams are done, I’m no longer in pain from the surgery, my dog is now comfortable in her new forever home… you know what this means? 😏 I’ll see you soon 😉

Coming soon:

Chapter 4 of Numb, Emptiness

Yunho Read to Me Part 2

Chan Dream of Me Part 2

Hyunjin The Bewitched Prince

I.N. (Request)

San and Jongho (Request)

Chan One Last Dance Part 2

Mingi You Made My Heart Stop

Wooyoung Bad

Seonghwa (Request)

Minho Siren Song

San Behind You Part 3?

…more!!!

Let me know what you are most excited for!!

#Writing soon #Imsohappy #whosready #Finally #coming soon

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kiwiraccoon · 5 months

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hope you are doing alright!! make sure to take care of yourself.

don't worry too much about rushing an update. we will wait patiently while you look after yourself first. that's more important :)

thank you!! I’m currently in recovery from my wisdom teeth surgery and next week is finals so after that I will be back to writing! I also got a dog last week so I’ve been training her 🤭 I really appreciate your kind words it means a lot to me!! Much love 🤍🤍

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kiwiraccoon · 6 months

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One Last Dance

Chan x reader

Summary: he meets you in your dreams to dance with you one last time before he moves on to wait on the other side for you.

Notes: paranormal, sad topic, grief, soft and fluffy moment, honestly just super cute but also sad.

Word Count: 2205

“Are you sure you’ll be okay tonight?” Felix asks, standing in the doorway of our, my home. Concern shows on his face that screams he will stay if I show any sign of not being okay alone.

I give him a small smile of reassurance, “yes chickie, I will be just fine. I’ve lived alone before I can handle it.”

He steps closer to place a hand on my shoulder, “that was four years ago. It’s only been three days, are you sure?”

I chuckle and feel warmth in my heart at the care I can feel suffocating me in the most perfect of ways. “I know, but I promise. I need to heal on my own, I’ve spent the last three days healing with you all. I am so thankful for you guys, but I can handle it on my own too. I’ll call you if I can’t or need a hug, okay?”

Felix sighs before pulling my smaller body into a bone crushing hug that we both need even if we’ve shared a million over the last few days. He has been my rock this whole time, they all have. I wouldn’t be smiling if it weren’t for them. “I know he is so proud of you right now, I am too.”

His words cause tears to fill my eyes, the ache in my heart will probably be there for the rest of my life. That’s what happens when you lose the love of your life suddenly and unexpectedly. What I would do to make sure nothing happened to my Chan. While hugging Felix I can see my wedding ring sparkling in the light making a smile appear on my face as I remember our big day. Especially our dance to the song he wrote for me followed by the one I wrote for him.

We didn’t write our own vows, instead we wrote our own songs to listen to for the rest of our lives. I didn’t know I wouldn’t be able to live out my life with him. But I couldn’t be more grateful for the years I had him by my side.

“Seriously, call any of us if you need us. Or even drive over, you still have the keys right?” Felix says pulling away from the hug and pulling me out of my mind.

I lean over to the table by the entrance and grab my keys to dangle them in front of us, “right here, I never forget them.”

His smile brightens before he pulls me into another quick hug, “I love you.”

“I love you too, now get home safe, eat well, and call me if you need me too. Oh tell the others that too please.” I say while ushering him out of the house before we spend hours hugging and saying sweet words. Our friendship has always been the strongest out of all the members, we never knew why. Until now, we both were exactly what the other needed during the grieving process.

He laughs while walking out the door and quickly turning the walk backwards while saluting me. “Yes ma’am.” He calls back before he makes it to the car waiting for him and I close the door locking it.

I sigh at the silence I hear within the empty house, remembering that it belongs to only me now. I slowly make my way to the kitchen to make a comforting cup of hot chocolate to help me sleep. Chan used to make them for me every time I dealt with my insomnia, he would always make sure it wasn’t too hot before he gave it to me and even then still remind me that it might be hot. Sometimes he wouldn’t give it to me until it cooled off for a few minutes and spent that time showing me the music he worked on.

With the warm cup in my hands I make my way to our room, and set the cup down on my bedside table to cool down while I change into clean sleepwear. Instead of walking to my closet I go to his and grab my favorite hoodie of his to sleep in. His smell swarms around me and creates a blanket of peace that reminds me of the love he always gave me and kept giving me. He never thought he could love me enough, so he showed me in every way possible. I always did the same, we were the couple full of love and happiness. The guys always told us to get a room even though we were just cuddling on the couch in the studio.

Chan would always laugh with his cute little chuckle that made my heart flutter and pull me in closer saying “this is a room.” I would laugh and hide my face in his chest which he would then kiss my head and the boys would groan but secretly they loved seeing us both so happy.

Laying in our bed I move to the center to smell him enough but not take his place and sip on my hot chocolate while daydreaming about all of our happy moments. A small smile never left my face, he was and will always be my happiness even if he isn’t here anymore.

I set the empty mug on my bedside table and turn off the lights before snuggling into our blankets and his hoodie. I fall asleep to the smell of him and our memories floating through my brain.

“Baby come here please.” Chan’s voice calls out through the house causing me to turn away from my mirror. I catch a glimpse of the dress I’m in and how I look. The dress is his favorite one I ever wore, a dark red that reached the ground with a slit up the left to show my left leg. The dress hugged my waist, and only slightly tapered out but not too much. It flowed with the wind of my movements perfect but not too much that I had to worry the slit would show something it shouldn’t.

My hair was exactly how he always loved, brushed out curls that were airy enough for him to run his fingers through and not ruin the curls. He would always ask for me to do my hair like that saying “you look like a goddess all the time but I swear my eyes feel unworthy of seeing you like this.” I would just slightly hit his chest while laughing and calling him a dork but my dork.

“I’m coming love!” I yell back out to him before turning back to the mirror to make sure I look perfect for him. We would do this occasionally. Dress up our best to just dance around our house. It was a way to keep our love alive when he worked so much as an idol, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My black heels click against the floors letting him know I’m on my way to him.

The music starts playing, our favorite songs to dance to but this one catches my attention. Ghost of You by 5 Seconds of Summer plays through the air rather than our speakers, letting me hear it perfectly no matter where I am. A smile takes over my face, one that shows slight sadness but full of love and adoration. When I walk into the room his eyes are on me, and only me.

While mine look over him entirely, looking at every detail of him and the attire he is wearing. My absolute favorite. Black slacks, black belt, black shoes, and a black button up. All black, but the tiny detail of his dark red nails catches my attention. I’m matching him with my heels and he’s matching me with his nails. His button up is left open over his chest, letting me see his skin and muscles. He knows I would have unbuttoned them while dancing either way, skin to skin is my love language.

His right hand extends towards me, while his face shows a grateful and sorrowful smile. Without thinking I grab his hand with my left and let him pull me into a dance in our bare living room. We would push our furniture out of the way when we had these nights to give us all the space we needed. Now the house was bare giving us room in every space of our house to dance around.

“Hi my baby.” Chan says pulling me close with an arm around my lower back to press my body against his while the other places my left hand on his back under his arm so he can place his hand in the side on my face and neck. He moves my head to let our eyes lock so they never break contact. My right hand holds onto his shoulder gripping him for dear life.

“Hi honey.” I smile back at him letting us both fall into the dance that we always do, one that we don’t even have to think about because we are so in sync.

He leans his forehead against mine while keeping our eyes connected, “I just wanted one last dance with you my love.” At his words a sigh breaks through my body allowing me to sink into the moment entirely. Everything else doesn’t matter besides this last moment together, even if it is just a dream. I lean into him more as we move around.

In each room we whisper our favorite memories together that took place there. In the kitchen my favorite memory was when I woke up after a long night of depression that he helped me through. I went into the kitchen and saw him cooking my favorite breakfast. I watched him from the doorway until he finally had enough of the distance and walked over to me only to tug me along and place me behind him so I could hug his back while he finished.

In the dining room his favorite memory was when I walked into the room wearing my onesie, the one that resembles my favorite animal. He couldn’t stop laughing but only thinking about how absolutely adorable I was. He took off to our room and left me standing there confused until he came back in a onesie of his own. That night we had dinner in our onesies while looking up fun facts about the animals.

In the living room we both agreed our dancing dates were our favorite memories until I remembered him freaking out and hiding behind me while we watched a scary movie. “I remember telling you ‘I’m supposed to be the one hiding behind you.’ And you just said ‘well not tonight baby hold me.’ You were so cute while scared, I still have that picture in my favorites album.”

“Next time you decide to watch a scary movie look at that picture and remember you were brave enough to hold your husband instead.” We laughed together before dancing our way into our bedroom.

We both sighed together remembering our memories here, the fun nights, the sad nights, the hard nights, and the happy nights. His favorite memory was the night I learned I couldn’t have children.

“How could that possibly be your favorite memory?” I asked pulling away only slight to give him all of my attention.

He chuckles at my response while moving his hand through my hair. “Because baby, we didn’t care. We still tried and still had hope. It showed me how strong you were, that nothing could hold you back. You would stop at nothing to get what you wanted. You consoled me that night even if the news was telling you your body wasn’t strong enough. I remember you saying ‘my body isn’t weak, it’s too strong. Our baby would just be too strong for this world and the world can’t handle that. But we can prove them wrong.’ And then you jumped my bones.” He laughs pulling me closer while I look at him with shock.

“I did not jump your bones.” I say in defense but also laughing along with him knowing I definitely did jump his bones. He just didn’t have to say it that way.

He pulls me into a hug so that our heads are buried into each other's shoulders. Letting us both embrace our final moments together. “If that’s what you want to believe baby.”

Before I knew it we had danced around the entire house multiple times and listened to many songs, even our own. Now he pulls away from me while You Are The Reason by Calum Scott plays. He stands in front of me holding my hands. “Never forget that I have loved you and always will love you with my entire heart. I’ll never be gone, I’ll always watch over you and make sure you stay happy. That’s a promise. If you ever miss me just know I’m around and I hear you, okay baby?”

We both cry together while he pulls me into one last hug. When he pulls away he gets down on his knees and kisses my stomach before I wake up in confusion.

#skz bang chan #bang chan imagines #bang chan x reader #bang chan #chan x reader #chan imagines #chan #skz chan fluff #skz chan #straykids #stray kids #stray kids imagines

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kiwiraccoon · 6 months

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about to start writing… I have major inspiration and motivation 💪🏼

#I blame my dreams #I did in fact dream of him #Help me

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kiwiraccoon · 6 months

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Numb, Emptiness Chapter iii

Ateez OT8 x OC

Summary: after witnessing the death of her family, her uncle sends her back to South Korea to live with the eight guys he had saved over the years. They seem to be almost, if not just, as mentally messed up as she is, and the goal is for her to help them and them to help her. Time heals, but it’s already been 11 years of suffering for her, can they really help?

overall notes: MDNI mental health: depression, anxiety, ocd, antisocial, agoraphobia, personality disorders, mental breakdowns. mentions and descriptions of gruesome deaths, gore. polygamy, shared female, suggestive, fluff, smut?, building relationships. THIS IS NOT MEANT FOR THE WEAK HEARTED OR UNDERAGE!! this not meant to depict real Ateez but an au, not about their real selves or real struggles, I took ideas from their real selves but again not meant to be negative towards them or anything against their image… THIS IS JUST MY MORBID MIND RUNNING WILD!

Word count: 2340

“What do you want for lunch?” Mingi asks, still sitting beside me in our same spots in the living room. I had been so lost in the book that I didn’t notice most of the others in the room until I looked around. Seonghwa stands in the threshold waiting for the lunch order, Wooyoung is back in the room now sitting in a further position but watching me intently, San sits next to Wooyoung leaning on him slightly as his legs rest in another’s lap. This guy refuses to look up at me, keeping his attention on his own book and I can’t for the life of me remember his name. He is one of the ones that keeps to himself, either wary of me or completely unfazed by a newcomer. Finally, someone who seems tall, just like Mingi, sits the closest but keeps his eye on Mingi watching carefully. I can see he cares for Mingi deeply, he knows the signs for his friend, he knows when to step in, and he knows that Mingi is comfortable with me. Though, no matter how comfortable Mingi may look, he needs more proof, I can see that.

“Kai?” Mingi asks again, pulling my attention back to him, I nod in his direction to acknowledge him.

“Pizza.” I respond simply, my one word being enough to send Seonghwa heading back into the kitchen and Mingi smiling softly at my expressing what I want. It wasn’t any emotion or anything, but the fact I spoke directly to his question with people around made him feel proud. I know he is determined to bring my emotions out, but he is more than willing to wait. I wish I could express my gratitude towards him for that in more ways than just saying it with a monotone voice that speaks nothing but the word.

My eyes move back to Wooyoung, meeting his eyes for the first time since he left earlier. I send him a nod to let him know I see him and am not upset at him in any way. He smiles to himself and turns his attention to what San was showing him on his phone. My own attention goes back to my book that sits lonely in my lap, I try to get back into the words and distract myself from the room around me. It’s as if the world is against me when the music completely cuts out with no warning, I know my earbuds haven’t died because I wasn’t given a warning. Immediately I shove the book onto the ground and grab my earbud from Mingi, not even taking a moment to glance at anyone else as I walk to my room.

I can feel the anxiety bubbling within me, I know what happens when I don’t have music to ground me. I can’t let them hear me. The second I enter my room I lock the door the same way I had these past two days, my chair being the reassurance that no one can get in. My body moves on its own, throwing my phone and headphones on their chargers before walking into my bathroom and stripping myself bare. The shower turns on quickly and I waste no time in standing underneath the stream not caring that the water hasn’t warmed up yet. I stand there trying to ground myself into the feel of the water and the sounds that come with it. But nothing stops my thoughts from breaking out.

You wish you could express it don’t you? You wish you could be weak? You want people to know your weaknesses again? You want someone to get into your heart so they can rip it apart? You really want that?

They won’t.

Yes, yes they will you idiot. They will get in there and they will wreck havoc on your entire being like they did.

They aren’t them.

How do you know that? Huh? You don’t know them. You know nothing. You are as ignorant as the child you were. What did I tell you? Don’t let anyone in! Don’t! No one cares about you like I do! No one! I am protecting you! I am making sure that never happens again!

You can’t do that! You are just a voice!

A voice who made you nothing but a shell. A voice who made sure no one could see your tears again. A voice who made sure no one could feed off your fear again! I am your protector!

“NO!” I yell out falling to the ground, I scream to block out its voice, I bang against the walls and floor to ground myself.

Pathetic!

“NO! SHUT UP!” I yell out again feeling my throat burn from the volume, straining my vocal cords. I do everything to shut the damn voice up. I won’t let it control me anymore. I won’t let it stop me anymore.

Leave me alone! You haven’t helped me! You made me nothing! You made me feel like I was nothing but a shell for people to abuse! You made it worse! You didn’t protect me! You hurt me more, let me go!

If that’s what you want. Good luck. Don’t come crawling back when it gets to be too much. I hope you realize how much I helped you.

“GO AWAY! LEAVE!” I continue telling even as I hear the banging against my bedroom door, I can feel the power within the bangs vibrating the room. But I sit there yelling, screaming, punching, and finally crying. The tears mix with the water running down my body heating up my skin, burning away the pain my void has caused. If I had never been locked in my own mind I would have never been abused. My void caused that. I let my void cause that. I did that myself.

I sob. I finally let out all my pain with screams and tears, letting it fully consume my body. I shouldn’t have ever let my void win, but I did, and now I will make it go away. “Just go away.” I sob softly, fully curling into a ball on my shower floor.

Minutes go by and I finally stand, my sadness turns into anger as I look at myself in the foggy mirror. The water no longer runs and the silence consumes me, letting the anger at my past self take over. Before I know it my fist makes contact with the mirror, shattering it into a million pieces like the glass that had tried to conceal myself. I finally break free. My eyes lock onto the blood that drips down my fist and onto my wrist before gravity takes it to the vanity.

The broken reflection meets my eyes when I look up and I finally see emotion on my face, I see the pain, the anger, the satisfaction. I can fully feel it all. I know the second I leave this room I will be nothing but a shell again as I try to work through my mind, to navigate the new landscape that is my full thought process being my own again. With a final sigh to ground myself I pull away and allow my sense to come back to the moment. The banging is still loud and clear against my bedroom door. I enter my room and calmly put clothes on, ignoring the stinging in the ripped skin on my right hand. My phone remains in its place hastily thrown on the charger and laying face down on my bed.

On autopilot I put both headphones in and blast my music not allowing any sound to break through and I take my now fully charged phone and walk to unlock my door. The second my chair is moved from the door it is thrown open, and there stands my uncle. I see his lips move but I hear nothing, I try to walk around him but he grabs the wrist on my right hand noticing the blood before dragging me out of my room and down to the kitchen. He quickly grabs a first aid kit and works to clean my wounds, my eyes remain closed to block out every little thing around me. I don’t notice every occupant in the room watching my uncle tend to my needs, I don’t notice the worry Mingi barely holds down as Yunho holds him back from running over to me. I definitely don’t notice how every single person is silent and on high alert. They all heard me. I know that, but I refuse to acknowledge it. Not until I know the layout of my own mind.

~Seonghwa’s POV~

I watch with an attentive eye as her uncle works on cleaning her hand, it’s then I notice there must be left over carnage to clean from her room. I refuse to let her relive her breakdown by seeing it all again. Slipping away silently I move to my closet to grab my cleaning supplies and make my way to her room. Usually I wouldn’t invade someone’s personal space, especially their room, but the need to protect her from herself overweights that moral compass.

The second I step into her room I can feel the tension that remains in the air, wrapping itself around me like a poorly secured straightjacket. I can smell the iron wafting in the air reminding me of the cuts in her hands and her uncle mentions pieces of glass left in her skin that he was delicately removing when I left. The windows remain intact so I turn to her bathroom and gasp at the sight I see. Mirror shards litter the vanity countertop with some finding comfort on the cold floor below. I see the blood sticking to the pieces that remain on the wall along with the drops that haphazardly dot the ground, some even making their way into her bedroom.

I feel the emotions swarming the air, filtering into my lungs and allowing me insight into her breakdown that left her silent and in her own mind. I’m not even sure she noticed all of us in the kitchen watching with worry as her uncle tended to her. She definitely didn’t hear us speak about what had happened and what we had heard. Her screams still echo in my ears and I fear they will torment my dreams, I never want to hear someone that broken again. We could hear her mental battle take over her entire being, the way she yelled at it, like it was a person standing right in front of her threatening her life. I have never seen Mingi run so fast.

The clumsiness that usually took over his large form didn’t show as he ran up the stairs effortlessly and began banging against her door. It feared he would break down the door, but even his body slamming against the wood didn’t budge the solid obstacle. She made sure no one could get in. She knew what was going to happen and I think she didn’t even want us to know. But we all heard. I watched over everyone, saw every single reaction. Hongjoong quickly called her uncle to get him home, he was the only one that knew her better than herself, even if Mingi was getting there he was in no state to be calm. Yunho watched Mingi like a hawk, noticing the fear that took over his features. None of us have ever seen him like that, and I think Yunho finally realized how much she meant to him.

Wooyoung stood behind everyone, his curiosity took in every moment. He pulled San back into his arms as San broke down, letting the older cry in his arms at the realization someone was fighting their battles alone and he couldn’t do anything about it. Wooyoung soothed him with words reminding him that she was strong, she was going to be okay, and that he was there for him. But I could tell San kept thinking about how she was alone. He hated seeing people alone. When she locked herself away these last two days San helped me make the meals for her, and brought them up to her room for me.

Jongho stood with his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed as he listened to every word she said, he was listening to her battle. Yeosang stood beside him with his arms in the pocket of his hoodie, I could see the way he anxiously fiddled with his fingers. Neither of them were close to her but they felt her pain, they understood the rage she felt at her own thoughts. They understood why she was breaking down.

I stood next to Mingi facing everyone to look at all of them with Hongjoong behind me down the hall calling her uncle. I leaned against the wall next to her door and help a solemn look on my face, she had been a silent helping hand to me when I didn’t need it and yet I couldn’t help her. I felt so helpless. My need to care for her grew stronger in that moment and I think it did for many of us.

Now I kneel on the floor of her bedroom, scraping the blood out of her carpet, the last task I need to complete before her room is reminder free. I have never cleaned so hard in my life but if I could help her by removing the reminder of her pain I would do it to the best of my ability and more. She has helped me by cleaning the dishes and putting them away exactly how I like them. Somehow she noticed my ways of cleaning and didn’t try to change them, I will forever appreciate that and I will show that in caring for her the way she deserves.

She will never be alone again. She will never be abused again. She will never be nothing again. I will make sure of it.

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