km-journals

[km-journals]

Passion or Provision?

It’s so hard to choose between the two, who wouldn’t want to get a job having those in the bucket that you have, right?

But always remember, I must say you should go after your passion.

Why?

We need to realize that work consumes the most of our lives, starting 18 years of age up to 60 (we don’t even know if we’re still alive that time) we are working so hard, working hard for our family basically. So, why not make the most out of it doing what you love, right?

If we do always come after a job that we do not love and we just grab it because of the high pay, you are just torturing yourself. Money is not a good motivation to come to work even though it’s a YES that we need it.

Because here’s the thing, why not get a job where it feels like you’re not working at all? Instead getting a job that you need to drag yourself everyday to come to work and you’re waking up each day waiting for the payday because that’s the only reason why you’re coming into work?

And that’s where the faith comes in…

We often forget that God wouldn’t give you an opportunity if he knows that it wouldn’t suffice your needs. We sometimes get insecure with other people who’s getting paid higher than you, but have you questioned why? We might not know, they are using it for expensive medicines because they have a family member who has a life threatening condition, or, they have several kids who goes to college/school that’s why God gave them that job/career that’s paying them high to suffice their needs, same thing what is happening to yours, the provision of the Lord is based on the cost of your living.

Always be grateful on what you have, don’t overthink and worry if your income is not that high compared to others, its God’s way of telling you that…“It’s enough for you.”

So, go after your passion. You don’t need to come after the provision, it will always come after you. You don’t need to chase it.

Hence, chase after the dream job/career that you’ve been praying for. God will always provide even you don’t ask for it.

Sometimes, all we need is faith to realize and appreciate everything.

[km-journals]

It’s okay not to be okay, but it’s not okay if you’re going to think that you will never be okay.

We go through difficulties sometimes and it is normal. Even we are in a different situations, we’re all experiencing struggles. But eventually, we’ll get over with it.

We’re having struggles with our work, family, financial status, relationships, mental, physical, emotional, health, etc., but always remember that you can overcome every trials in your life. God will never give you trials that you cannot handle. Everything will be alright especially if God is with you.

And he will always be, forever.

Are you having a bad day? That’s fine, it’s just a bad day though, not a bad life.

Always have faith and let God handle the situation, you will not be stuck on that same phase forever. You will always move forward, God has plans for your life so don’t worry.

“My friends, consider yourselves fortunate when all kinds of trials come your way, for you know that when your faith succeeds in facing such trials, the result is the ability to endure. Make sure that your endurance carries you all the way without failing, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4

If you feel stressed, or if ever you feel like breaking down, you feel so tired and so fed up with everything around you…just come closer to God. And you will find rest in him.

God is telling you right now:

“I am always be with you my sons and daughters, keep fighting, everything will be alright. Trust me.”

[km-journals]

We are all waiting for ‘The One’. We do even want to know who is the person are we going to end up with and most of the times we ask God about it.

“Lord, is he the one?”

It’s okay to ask, he will definitely answer you soon but do not rush.

If you want someone to love you the way you wanted to be loved, love God first.

Love your creator. Love the God that has died for you even before you lived. Love the God who gives you unconditional love. Love the God who provides you even you may not have much left.

If you cannot love the Lord your God, you cannot give genuine love to someone else.

If you keep on dating and so concentrated to seek a person that’s clearly not for you, well you are dating to break up. So don’t complain why you are hurting right now if you don’t end up with each other. You are the one who is causing your own pain.

If God says 'NO’, just don’t.

If you are going through that right now, THIS IS NOT YOUR SEASON.

Always remember ladies and gentlemen, do not rush things you wanted to last forever.

LOVE IS PATIENT.

STOP looking for the right person, START being the right person because you ATTRACT the right one.

BEAUTIFUL THINGS ONLY HAPPEN WHEN GOD SAYS…

“It’s time.”

[km-journals]

“God uses it (Scripture) to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.” -2 Timothy 3:17

For us Christian, we mainly get our wisdom in the bible. It is basically the book of life they all say; but the question is, do we really make it as a living?

Do we live by what we read on the scriptures? Do we live on what does the bible instruct us to do? Do we live on how God expect us to live?

Sometimes it’s a ‘yes’ that should be a 'yes’ most of the times but in reality, it’s a no because we keep on failing to follow.

It’s like we are on a war and we are fully equipped with guns and bombs that would definitely give us victory over the enemies but still, we keep on losing because we are not using the weapons that will help us alot to win.

Most certainly in life, God already rigged us; we already know what to do and how to do it, it’s just that our flesh is not cooperating, rather, we keep on choosing what we think what is right.

Christians will say if you are struggling mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, read the bible and meditate the word. But what are we doing? Instead of reading the bible and do your daily devotion, we are coping it on a very wrong way which it doesn’t glorify the Lord:

By stressing ourselves, By worrying, By drinking, By overthinking, By being disappointed in ourselves, By being down, Etc.,

Why do we even make the wrong decision? Because WE BASICALLY LACK FAITH.

Because if you are on fire and if your faith is strong, you will not even think twice and ask someone what is the right thing to do. In just one snap, you already know the answer. And there will always a conviction before you make any actions.

Most of the times, due to our lack of faith and wisdom, the conviction comes after we already committed a sin, instead of having the conviction before committing a sin so that you’ll be able to avoid it and you don’t need to struggle to fight it.

I, myself having a big touble in life. I’m doing good already but since the enemy has its own ways, they sometimes win. Especially they know well what is my weakness is and that is being a failure.

I always aim high in school up until I graduated in college then I got my dream job and got promoted. Never did I experience rejection on my interviews, I just struggled on deciding what company to choose. But now, everything seems falling down bits by bits. I’m having a hard time with people surrounds me.

I should be the salt and light to the people that I’m with, I’m the one who should carry them to the right way, but what happening is, they’re the ones who is dragging me to the road where it will bring me far away from God, my Christianity is being triggered by this world.

I’m writing this down while my heart is literally crying out for mercy because I really felt bad right now. I’m having a hard time this past few weeks. I just cried it out to God saying, “I’m going back again and this is not right.”.

We, as Christians, in our most difficult time, we do always forget the saying, “God is with you.”. As I’ve said, the bible is our weapon against all odds. It’s our weapon for all of the aspects that we are having struggles with but we’re just not using it.

If you’re going through this, ask yourself:

God is with you, but are you with him?

If you have faith on God that he’s with you on the battle, you’re not going to worry on losing. Instead of bringing yourself down, that trial that you’re on right now will rather be your motivation to be excellent.

Be a faithful fighter, wherein you will fight based on how God taught you to fight. Don’t fight using your own way. Fight with God and don’t fight it alone. You can never win a fight without him.

Before you even enter on a battle, God already fought them for you. There’s no reason for you to surrender because he didn’t even give up on you and he never will.

If you’re going to ask on how to win over your situation, the answer will always be:

Read the bible.

God already taught you what to do in the midst of your pain, sorrow, emptiness, worry, madness, and all of the situation that you are on right now. You just have to obey and listen to what he says.

“You must remain faithful to the things you have been taught. You know they are true…You have been taught the holy scriptures from childhood. All scripture inspired by God and is useful to teach us what when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people.”- 2 Timothy 3:14-17

God is always speaking, but the question is, are you listening?

[km-journals]

"11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sisteror judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4:11-12 Is there a certain standard to be a Christian? We all know what is the right from wrong especially if we are living the christian life. But the hardest factor to work out is our perspective. On how we see things On how we assume things On how we expect things We do all have our battles everyday, there is for family, relationship, work, studies and temptation, etc., But, isn't we are the one who supposed to understand our fellow christian first? Well, it should be. But unfortunately, some of our fellow christians is the first one who judges us sometimes. I posted a picture online that I'm at party, and then I posted again a picture with a red cup on my hand. Not a big deal to non-christian and they do not care about you but ofcourse some of my fellow christians saw it and I received one violent reaction. Before posting it, I already know to myself that I will definitely receive negative comments. But what I do want to know who will react first, is it a christian or a non christian. So I received this message, it was the least that I was expecting, it's from one of my closest friend and she is a christian. She then told me that, "hey, you're doing that again? You don't act like a christian right there. You're in the praise and worship team already :)". Woah, right there. Actually I didn't reply to her message, because I don't want an argument. And A man of God don't argue. I told to myself, the only judge that I can accept is from God. I have my own mind to work on, I know what is the right from wrong. You don't know what I'm doing there and why I am there. What I cannot understand, why do you criticize without asking? Yes, maybe it's a reminder and it's not bad at all, BUT, you should ask first so that you can give your fellow the RIGHT REMINDER because sometimes, a reminder can be wrong, how? BECAUSE YOU ASSUME. You assumed that they lose theirselves to their flesh, You assumed that they cannot control their temptation, You assumed that they're doing the wrong thing because they're christian. YOU ASSUME THAT I PARTIED HARD AND I WAS OUT OF MY CHARACTER. YOU ASSUME THAT I GET DRUNK. STOP RIGHT THERE. You are a man of God, you are the one who supposed to trust them first. You don't even know how pure their heart is to God even they're in that kind of place. Okay, let's answer this question... WHY AM I THERE AT THE VERY FIRST PLACE? Well, I work at a telecommunications company. They had this even called "breakout friday" and it's a drink treat for all the employees. All of the free drinks are obviously alcohol. I wouldn't go there without a reason, I wouldn't go there if it's just for fun. AND TAKE NOTE, DON'T ASSUME THAT I'M AT A BAR, IT WAS HELD AT A FOOD PARK. WHY DO I DRINK? Stop. You're assuming again. If you read "drink" and I'm at that kind of place, you assume that it's alcohol. WELL NO, I don't drink even before. So if I'm holding a red cup, it doesn't mean that it's an alcohol. You don't even know what's inside my red cup. Oh well, surprise, surprise. It's a party juice. P.s I even bought a smores chocolate milkshake for me to drink, and I'm the only one who has that kind of drink on that kind of event. Please, stop judging. If you're that kind of person, pray to God to change your perspective. Correct them or remind them but ask them first what's happening. One or two picture cannot tell the whole story. Don't you ever ever judge. You accept sinners but condemn them on the inside? CHECK YOURSELF. Who are you to judge anyways? Some christians will say, protect your image. Well, it's good...FOR THE SAKE OF PEOPLE THAT MIGHT THINK BAD ABOUT YOU. But the question is, is it really necessary? Why are you even going to do that? To please people? We don't need to do that, the most important criticism that you can accept is only from God. Please God, not people. God knows what you're doing, God knows what's in our hearts, God knows what we think. While you are busy judging them, you don't know they're fighting their flesh while they're there. While you people are disappointed for them, you don't know God is being proud of them. Why? Because they're on a battle, and while you're busy condemning them, little did you know, THEY'VE WON. Toxic, non-christian people and the place surrounds them by that time is a struggle, but they've stood out. They didn't lose to their fleshly desires. While you're shaking your head because of disgrace, you don't know that God is clapping his hands for them. Rejoicing... "THAT'S MY CHILD RIGHT THERE!" Yes, you should show a good example, but why don't teach them how to trust their fellows first before assuming bad things they "thought" they do? This land is a battle ground, the least thing you wanted to receive is criticism and judgement that shouldn't even come from you first. Correct them, don't condemn them. BUILD A TRUST. We all do commit mistakes, even our pastors are fighting their own battles and they do make mistakes. The least that you can do for them is to trust them. Like how God trusts us everyday.

[km-journals]

"Have I tried to hide my sins like other people do, concealing my guilt in my heart?" -Job 31:33 When we are confronted with our sins, it's natural to want to hide it. Sometimes, we even go so far as to hide them with lies. However, trying to deceive others of our sins is futile, it tends to come out anyways. We cannot hide from God what is in our hearts. Recognizing our sins is the first step on a path of being free from carrying the weight of hiding our sin. Let's free ourselves from deception and acknowledge our sins. Sometimes, people often judge us by what we did wrong. Everytime we admit our sins, even if it's embarrassing for us, little did we know God is being proud of us being brave to confess what we have done isn't right. If people judged you or is judging you, don't let it get to your nerves, the only one who can judge you is only God. And the only judge you will accept is from him. Always remember, God is bigger than our mistakes. People make mistakes all of the time, don't let your sins break you, let it build you. That's where you learn anyways. Submit yourselves to God and let your mistakes be the lesson for this generation so that they will know what to do once they go there. Instead being ashamed of what you did wrong, use it to be a blessing for other people who might going through the same circumstances you went through. Empty yourselves so you can be filled with God. Free yourself from your sins, confess it and God will give you this peace in your heart. You cannot hide it forever, because God will always reveal. Don't be scared, God's grace is bigger than all of our sins.

[km-journals]

Most of the times, we do frequently ask God everytime we make a decision in our lives. Even from the small things, we usually consult it first from him and we keep on asking him to give us clear vision and signs that might be able to help us what to decide. It's a good thing that we hand it over to him first, but why is it sometimes so difficult for us to accept his answers to our questions? Everytime God gives us answers and we already know what to do, why is it hard for us to obey? Particularly when it comes to God's best, we often ask God... "Is he a trap?" "Is he the one for me?" "Can you give me a sign that it's already him?" "Can it be him?" And if God tells you "NO", most of the time you keep on insisting that he/she's the one for you even it's clear that God is already telling you "NO." Yet, you're being stubborn. Why ask God if you cannot accept his answers even you're the one who's asking for it? Now, you're ending up disappointed because you didn't expect that kind of response. Well, boys and girls, it's better to ask for wisdom. Always remember that God doesn't give us what we want, he gives what we need and he knows what's the best for us. If you're finding it hard to accept answers from him, always mind that he's just saving you from pain. Don't be just too quick to find "The One", we have our perfect time for that and God's timing will always be perfect. Focus on God first and he will just send someone to cut in. If you cannot control your mind, always pray. Because you are the one who is causing your own heartbreak. You are not being called the child of God just to be hurt by someone who doesn't even deserve your anointing. You deserve the best, that's God's best. Don't let the enemy tempt you, it will only cause you harm. It's hard to obey, but imagine what will be your reward from God if you overcome it, but you will let your enemy distract you, it will only cost you no good. "5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." -1 Corinthians 7:5 Take it easy young people, it's better to wait long than marry wrong. Stop looking for the right person, start being the right person because by that, you attract the right one. Do not be impatient, God is saving you for someone special. ...always trust God that he will send you the one!

[km-journals]

“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” -Proverbs 27:4

Did you know that Jealousy is worst than anger? Why? Jealousy makes you wanted to hate that certain person, and worst, you want to kill them and you wishing them to die sooner. It sounds over reacting but that’s the truth and that’s the reality. That’s what it feels like if you envy a person.

It can be in your family, your friends and the most common is your partner.

But did you know that you are the only one who is making yourself jealous?

You always complain why don’t you have the things that you wanted to have and envy the people who have it because you think you deserve it more. Especially it’s applicable when it comes to a specific person that you want to win back or to get.

Like in a relationship, let’s say you already had them in your life but you chose to let them go, now they’re in the arms of another, you get jealous and that’s when you realize that you want them back again in your life. I just couldn’t understand why it should take for you to see them with another person just for you to realize that you need them in your life, now you’ve lost them already you envy that person too much.

Basically, you are the one who’s causing your own self to be jealous.

You’re hurting yourself.

When I am jealous, I am complaining to God that I know what I need in my life better than He does. But then I realized, God wouldn’t give what we want, he gives us what we really need. If he didn’t give it to us, it just means that we don’t deserve to have it, or, it’s not really meant for us.

But sometimes, it’s really meant for us but since we don’t have wisdom and the right perspective when we look at things, the enemy takes that away.

So, don’t let that happen.

For you to be able to know if those things / person is really for us, ask God for wisdom and all you have to do is to pray for it. God will definitely give you visions and answers if its really meant for us.

For you to avoid being jealous, always appreciate the things that you have around you. You wouldn’t know they’re praying for the things that you have so that they can have it as well. Don’t wait for the time that you need to get hurt first just for you to realize that they’re important to you.

APPRECIATE THEM UNTIL THE END.

Always remember, Paul said in 1 Corinthians 3:1-3., “that jealousy is a sign of immaturity. Immaturity is childish, self-centered, impatient and unrealistic.” So, youth/Young Adult, never get yourself jealous and envy people. While you are the one who is causing it to your ownself. You cause your own pain.

The first step to defeat jealousy begins by changing our thinking.

1. We have to change our thoughts by renewing our minds -Romans 12:2 2. Taking our thoughts captive -2 Corinthians 10:5 3. Having the mind of Christ -Philippians 2:2-4

We need to have the faith to believe that God does love us, is sovereign, and is all-powerful. We have to choose to believe these truths because the opposite statements are lies from Satan.

Do you need to have God reshape your jealous heart? Be honest with yourself and God and ask Him to give you a heart of genuine love instead of a jealous heart.

[km-journals]

IF IT’S DONE, IT IS DONE.

Why are you still there while you already left? Why do you still stay while you already hurt them? Why do you still linger around while you already told him/her that it’s already done?

WHY ARE YOU STILL HOLDING THEM WHILE YOU ASKED THEM TO LET GO OF YOU?

What is your purpose? For them to still love you even you already unloved them? Selfish.

God asked you to surrender your earthly relationship so that you can minister to his kingdom and for you to focus on what kind of calling that you have. It’s so hard especially who had been already in a 5 or more years of relationship. It’s a very good thing to obey and it pleases God that you surrendered your relationship to him so that you can build relationship with the Lord but the question is, is your heart right? Do you have that kind of wisdom to know why God is asking you to do it?

If you don’t have those things in you, you’re doing everything else wrong.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” (Proverbs 1:7)

You left your ex-partner giving them that reason, it hurts like hell but they understood since that is what God is asking you to do. Even it almost killed them they accepted the fact whole-heartedly.

But after few months or so, you’re getting into a relationship again…but with other person.

Is that what God’s want you to do? To separate you with your past so that you can have another one? And if it didn’t work out again for you, your going to tell him the same reason to break up with him because you told them “God asked me to do it” and then do the same thing all over again?

Stop it.

That’s is not the will of the Lord for you, that is YOUR will for yourself. Stop making the Lord as a reason for you to jump to another relationship.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” (Colossians 3:23)

Now, you’re into a new relationship, your ex partner knew about it and yet accepted it, blinded by the reason you gave to him. Now he moved on and eyeing someone new and your coming back to them, making them realize, “I’m still the one you love, you cannot love another person but me.” But yet, you already have a new one.

Why still care when you didn’t care how they feel when you ask them to leave? You’re ministering people but you have this dilemma going on within you. You’re having a battle with yourself.

If you are in this kind of scenario, stop it. If you took God’s calling wrong, make it right. Don’t do it all over again and have that kind of cycle. It doesn’t please God and it doesn’t look good that you are ministering but you have this kind of urge going on with yourself. Even people doesn’t know you have this kind of struggle, God knows it. He knows everything.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5)

If God told you to surrender something, surrender it completely. Ask for wisdom to know the reason why so that you wouldn’t take it wrong in some way. And if it’s done, it’s already done. Yes, you two are bestfriends, you are so close to his/her family, friends and with all of the people they knew in their life. Your status is so clear to the both of you, but your feelings should match the result.

Limit yourself doing the things that you guys usually do, have the right space and gap. Even you two had part ways, your feelings should be the same. Don’t let your mind, your heart, and your flesh battles, it’s should be mutual.

God is asking you to do it so that you can move forward, but if you’re not going to completely surrender yourself to him, you’re going backwards.

God gave you that so that you will be on a process. But, you should have progress as well.

You cannot call it a process without progress.

If it’s done, it’s done.

Cut it off, let them be so that they can have their own process too. God gave us different directions so that we can fulfill our own calling.

DON’T BE THE HINDRANCE OF THE PERSON TO FULFILL THEIR CALLINGS.

[km-journals]

"Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." -Galatians 1:10 Are you a people pleaser? We falsify the truth and believe God is pleased with us when we please other people. In reality, God loves us no matter what we do. God loves us unconditionally, even when we don't do the right thing. This doesn't mean it's okay to sin because we know God still loves us. If we are seeking acceptance from people rather than God, do we know our self-worth? Sometimes, well, most of the times especially the generation today, they overthink and they're so busy making themselves look good for the people who will see them, they're also so conscious about how their clothes look. Meaning to say, its more important what people will think instead thinking what God will think about them. And that really sucks. When people do criticize them, youth or young people often get hurt that easily and take it sometimes at heart because they failed to please people. But, do you also think about God? You cannot please everyone and they could end hating you. But if you try to please God, even he's not pleased, he still love us whole-heartedly and he doesn't hesitate to accept us then give us a chance to prove ourselves even we don't even deserve that. We always take God for granted, it hurts when we realize that but what more to God? People around you is not the answer for you to have eternal life, they're not the one who can give you blessings that you have and you will have. They cannot make impossible things into possible. Only God can do that and who is able to do those things for you. Yes, JUST FOR YOU. So now, ask yourselves... Do you still want to please people? The goal is to please God, not people. KM 🌸

[km-journals]

So when’s the time to start thinking about marriage? It’s now. It’s never too early to show your future kids what a good marriage looks like. It’s never wrong to teach a young boy the proper way to treat a woman. Little girls should know that wives and mommies have a sacred calling that may someday be theirs. It all matters. Likewise, if you’re 20, don’t relegate marriage to the distant future. Yes, the average age of first marriage has climbed. Before, it was ages 20 and 22 for women and men, respectively. Those numbers have now shot up to 26 and 29. But there’s little evidence that this is overall a good thing. Instead, it’s leading to delays in maturity, job success and childbearing. It’s also making books like this necessary, because there’s a lot of hand-wringing among singles who wonder if they missed their window and were left behind when the marriage train pulled out of the station. I’m not trying to create a panic. I’m not saying you need to run out right now and grab the first girl/boy you see. I’m just asking you to consider marriage. Start praying about it. Cultivate an active desire for it in your heart. Let others know that you’re open to it. And honor it, even as a single person. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is to be honored by all…” That includes those who aren’t married yet and those who may never get married. Follow God’s example and have a high view of marriage. Our churches, our culture and our families desperately need it. Similarly, if you’re 30 or older, don’t give up on the idea of marriage. You simply don’t know what God has for your future. It may not be the story you expected, but God never drops the ball. He’s never late, and he’s not capricious. Wait for your story to unfold, and do your part in crafting it.

[km-journals]

HAVING A HEART FOR THE YOUTH While taking my journey with the Lord, I keep on asking him: "Bakit pa ba ako nag sisimba sa youth?" "Lord, dito ba talaga ako?" "Bakit dito mo ako dinala?" Ang dami kong tanong sa Lord tungkol dun dahil minsan, I feel na hindi ako belong despite of my age. I am 22 years old already. Dapat nga sa age ko na to, sobrang lalim ko na. I admit naiintimidate ako sa ibang mas bata sakin na mas malalim pa kaysa sakin. Pag nakikita ko sila, I feel demotivated; demotivated for myself but so blessed to see them na bata palang ganon na yung relationship nila kay Lord. Hindi ko alam yung sagot sa tanong ko, para sakin, minsan talaga I feel that I really don't belong anymore sa youth. Pero in my heart, desire ko pa din sila. May sinasabi ang Lord sakin na mag stay ako sa Youth, may task na binibigay sakin ang Lord pero specifically hindi ko talaga alam kung ano yun. I was so confused, really confused while taking my journey. One time nung worship night, iniyak ko sa Lord na gulong gulo ako. Then there's Albea, isa sa mga youth na tinitingala ko dahil sa faith niya. Hindi ko siya madescribe pero napaka powerful niyang bata. Naisip ko, at that age of her, anong ginagawa ko non? Ngayon ko narerealize na, I WASTED MY TIME. I really wasted it. Pero sabi ng Lord, madaming time para bumawi, hindi pa huli ang lahat. God is never late. Lumapit sakin si Albea nung worship night, si Albea Bagay isa siya sa mga youth leader sa church namin (Cornerstone-Robinsons) and preacher din siya. Bigla niya kong niyakap that night and dun na bumuhos yung luha ko. Hindi ko siya ma-contain, dahil mahirap talaga pigilan. Nag papaka strong ako on the outside pero that night, bumuhos lahat. She then said, "Confused ka." And then I breathe out, sabi ko "Oo" then pinakwento niya sakin. I told her na hindi ko alam kung mag oobey ako dahil tinatakbuhan ko yung calling ko maging Leader. Reason why? I really don't feel I belong despite of the age. Naiintimidate ako, nacoconfuse ako kung mag go-Go ba ako or not dahil wala akong confidence but I have the heart to lead. Sabi ng Lord sakin, while I was studying I was always nominated as a Leader, even sa work, I was promoted to be a Cafe Trainer, to lead as well. Kaya ko mag lead for those aspects pero mag lead ng tao papunta kay Lord hindi ko magawa? I was rebuked. Sabi ni Albea, I should obey. Madami siyang sinabi na dapat kong gawin, she did her part na utos ng Lord para sabihin yun sakin pero di ko alam bakit gulong gulo pa din ako. Anyways, I'm so thankful for her life. Days had past, at the end of the day, confused pa din ako. "LORD, ANONG REASON BAKIT AKO NAG SSTAY?" Alam niyo yung feeling na, hindi niyo alam kung bakit gustong gusto niyo pa din mag stay sa lugar? Pero sinasabi talaga ng Lord na mag stay ka kasi may kailangan kang gawin pero sa tuwing nag tatanong ka kung BAKIT ang sagot niya lang, "MALALAMAN MO DIN ANG SAGOT, BASTA MAG STAY KA DIYAN." And then nag stay ako, kahit hindi ko alam kung ano yung mangyayari sa dulo. Sabi nga diba? "Walk by faith, not by sight." Dumating ang Taking Ground Youth Conference 2017, 1st day of encounter, mas naconfused ako, natakot ako na baka ako ang pinakamatanda don. Haha! Pero hindi, sinabi ng Lord na sumama ako. Honestly hindi dapat ako sasama, because I had no confidence at all. Pero para kay Lord and sa CLife na kinabibilangan ko, sige pumunta pa din ako. Lagi ko lang iniisip baka may sasabihin din ang Lord sakin at dun kami mag uusap. So, dumating na kami don. Sessions 1 to 2, especially nung Encounter, lahat ng youth halos umiiyak, iba iba yung effects ng holy spirit na dumaloy sakanila. Samantalang ako, iniisip ko, bakit wala akong maramdaman? I was so confused to the point na naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi, sinasabi niya sakin "may kailangan ka iyakan" tapos pag tinatanong ko ang Lord na "Ano yung kailangan ko iyakan?" Ang sagot niya lang is: "ALAMIN MO." Siyempre ako, iniisip ko, ano ba talaga yun? Mas nacoconfused ako ng sobra sobra. Lahat sila nahanap na yung dapat nila iyakan, pero ako nag hahanap pa din! I was praying, "Lord, pour out your holy spirit in me. Pour it out! Pour it out!" Pero wala, all I felt is, I was really calm, relaxed, yung feeling na hinehele ka ni Lord. Inisip ko lahat, yung past ko, yung family ko, I prayed for it and sa current job ko. Pero wala, more on thankfulness yung nararamdaman ko. Walang pain and all that. While praying for my testimony (yung nangyari sakin: see my testimony below entitled "Every Testimony Is A Blessing"), and sa family ko ng paulit ulit sabi ng Lord... "Hindi yan Anak, tapos ka na diyan sa phase na yan. Tapos na yung greatest pain mo, 1 year and a half mo yun pinag daanan na araw araw ay iyak, tapos na yun. Pahinga mo this year pero mag ready ka sa susunod na place kung saan kita dadalin. May dapat kang isipin ngayon, alamin mo kung ano yun." I was so confused talaga, as in sobra. Nag coconcentrate ako pero hindi ko talaga mahukay kung ano yun. Napaka hirap, pero sabi ko sa sarili ko malalaman ko din yung sagot before the conference will end. Second day, nung BIG NIGHT. Nag preach si Tatay Alfred Abad, yung founder ng Cornerstone Church. Dinivide niya yung youth into 3 sections, first, tinawag niya lahat ng graduates/working na at pinapunta sa right side ng hall (ang onti namin pero I'm glad na hindi lang pala ako nag iisa). And then yung teenagers, yung mga nasa college/Juniors/Seniors/HS sa gitna. And then 15 years old below sa left side. (Which is onti lang din). It represents na kami yung mga young adults, yung current generation, and yung next generation. Sabi ni Tatay, "Nakikita niyo ba yung mga ate at kuya ninyo? Yung iba sakanila kailangan na kayo iwan, pero yung iba pinipili mag stay dahil yung heart nila nasa youth pa, yung heart nila ay nasa generation niyo." Nung sinabi ni Tatay Alfred yun, biglang bumulong sakin si Lord, "Ngayon, alam mo na?" Napangiti ako nun bigla. "Yun pala yun." Sabi ko sa sarili ko. Nasagot na yung tanong ko na, bakit pa ba ako nag sisimba at umaattend ng Youth. Pero hindi ko pa din alam kung ano yung dapat ko iyakan ng sobra sobra. Alam niyo yung feeling na may dapat kayong ilabas pero hindi niyo alam kung ano yun? Meron dapat iyakan pero hindi niyo alam specifically kung ano yun? Nakakabaliw at masakit yun sa ulo. Pero sabi ko malalaman ko din kung ano yun. Dahil, sobrang bigat sa pakiramdam. As in sobrang bigat na bigat ako. Then the third day. After ng water baptism. Ginather kami ni Paula Ocampo (Isa sa mga leader namin sa Music CLife) dahil may pinakita sakaniya ang Lord, at yun yung CLife namin, lahat kami. We were at our own Villa #3, nag tanong siya: "Nag ggrow ba kayo individually?" Sumagot yung iba samin, "Oo." Na malaki nga yung pinag kaiba namin compare sa dati sa ngayon. And then, nagtanong ulit siya: "Eh as a group? Nag ggrow ba kayo?" And then silence took the place. Walang nakasagot, dahil napaisip kami na hindi nga kami nag ggrow as a group. Sabi ni Paula, yun yung sinasabi ng Lord sakin, may nangyayaring hindi tama sa CLife namin (small group). Kasi imbis na si Lord ang center ng group namin, nawawala na siya minsan. Nauuwi sa circle of friends yung group namin, as in "tropahan". The goal of having a CLife is para mag grow kami lahat spiritually. Pero madalas kapag nag cclife kami, nauuna yung biro. She then said, "Oo, masaya kayo as a group pero masaya din ba si Lord?" After nun, pinagsabihan niya na kami at sinunod niya ang utos ng Lord na sabihin yung mga dapat niya sabihin samin. While having those conversation, bigla nalang ako umiyak. As in umiyak na may nabasag sa puso ko. Kilala ako ng CLife namin na hindi ako umiiyak. I share with them kung ano nararamdaman ko habang umiiyak ako. I said, "Honestly, nahihirapan na ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nag sstay ako despite dahil sa age ko. Dapat sa Yuppies na ko umaattend eh, pero gusto ko pa din magstay kasi desire ko at utos yung ng Lord kahit di ko alam kung bakit. Walang beses na nag share ako na hindi niyo ko dinistract. Nakakawala ng confidence as an Ate, kasi hindi talaga ako honestly open sa mga tao, hindi ako nag sasalita sa totoo lang dahil sa despite na bulol na ako, ayoko pa sa tao. Pero open ako sainyo at sabi ng Lord na mag share ako sainyo dahil may aral yun, at para sainyo yun. Nakakawala ng respect and confidence nag sasalita ako as an ate tapos hindi kayo makikinig. Yung iba may ibang usapan tapos yung iba nag cecellphone. Nakakabastos yun." Dire-diretso yung luha ko, humahagulgol na ako sa harap nila which is kinagulat ko sa sarili ko dahil never did I cry in front sa mga friends ko at especially sa family ko. I also told them na, hindi ko nga iniiyakan family ko eh, pati nga testimony ko hindi ko iniiyakan despite na yung testimony ko grabe yung nangyari sakin dun na halos mamatay ako sa pinag daanan ko hindi ko yun iniyakan nung shinare ko yun pero kayo iniyakan ko ng ganito. Binuhos ko sakanila yung nilalaman ng puso ko, lalo na nung sinabi ni Paula na "nandito si Lord ngayon" while the holy spirit is overflowing on her. Nanginginig na siya while I'm sharing that sa CLife namin, spirit of laughter pa yung tumama sakaniya, hindi akma sa nangyayari nung umaga na yun. Umiiyak lahat tapos siya, tumatawa. We didn't mind her kasi hindi talaga mapipigilan yung holy spirit. Pinag sabihan ko din sila na kahit hindi ako entitled as a leader, as an ate kaya ko iyon sinabi sakanila. Sabi ko, nilalakaran ko na yung calling ko as a leader, ngayon ko narealize na ngayon pa nga lang na member pa lang ako ng CLife hirap na hirap na ako. Sa pag sheshare ko palang ng word pag may clife may nag hihinder na. I begged them na wag nila hayaan sarili nila na gamitin ng kaaway para maging reason ng hindrance ng isa patungo sa calling nila. SILA PA TALAGA YUNG GINAGAMIT PARA MAG HINDER SA CALLING NG BAWAT ISA which is iniyak ko ng sobra sobra sa harap nila. Dun ko narealize, I then said to them... "KAYO PALA YUNG DAPAT KO IYAKAN. KAYO PALA YUNG SINASABI NG LORD NA DAPAT KO IYAKAN." Yung heart ko pala talaga is nasakanila kaya ako nag sstay sa Youth. Sila pala yung dahilan. Sila pala yung dinedesire ko. Parehas kami ni Anna (bessy ko sa CLife she's 21 y.o na tumatayo din ate sa group) she also shared about her feelings which is similar sa nararamdaman ko as an ate. After that talk, tumayo kaming lahat and inutos ni Anna na isigaw sa Lord lahat ng gusto namin sabihin. Ramdam na ramdam namin na nadun si Lord. May aircon pero napaka init, dahil yun sa presence niya. Habang lahat kumakain sa conference hall having their breakfast, yung group namin nandun sa Villa, ineencounter si Lord, sumisigaw, umiiyak, nagwawala. Lahat kami nakaluhod na, lahat nag tongues, inistrike kami ng Lord that time. Tinaktak niya lahat ng dapat itaktak. Kami ni Anna, Paula at Ako, pinag pray namin isa isa. While umiiyak yung ibang members namin, humahagulgol, binulungan ako ng Lord kung sino dapat ko ipag pray, dahil tapos na yung phase na ako lagi pinag pepray, ako naman yung dapat may ipagpray. I won't drop names ng mga pinag pray ko, binigyan nalang ako ng vision ng Lord. Sinabi sakin ng Lord yung problema nung mga specific persons na pinag pray ko then I obeyed. I actually forgot yung pinag pray ko sakanila after nun, pero nagawa ko siya. Ganun talaga yun siguro nawawala agad kasi si Lord naman ang kumilos and nag initiate nun at hindi ako. Nung akala ko tapos na yung encounter, nag salita si Lord through Paula dahil akala namin tapos hindi pa pala. Paula was shouting, "Dami mong time! Pero hindi ka makapag devotion! Wala kang time sakin!" It striked me, so hard napaluhod ako. Dahil ako yun. I wa saying sorry so many times. After that kumalma onti onti ang lahat, pero sumigaw nanaman si Paula... "You're FAKING IT!!! Basagin mo yan! LABAS KUNG SINO KA MAN! LABAS! IN JESUS NAME!!!" Patuloy yung iyang ng group namin ng sobra sobra, lahat nag totongues, everyone is chilling, nanginginig na sila dahil sobrang lakas ng holy spirit but then nag stay kaming tatlo para ipag pray sila isa isa. After that, she shouted again. "Wag mo akuhin yang problema mo, HINDI MO KAYA YAN. IBIGAY MO SAKIN YAN, KAYA KO YAN. ANAK KITA KAYA KO YAN." Tumaas yung balahibo ko, napatingin ako sa isang member namin, binulungan ako ng Lord, "Siya yun." Then ipinag pray ko siya. And then, she shouted again, "ISUKO MO YAN!!! ISUKO MO NA YAN! HINDI KITA MADADALA SA PANGAKO KO SAYO PAG HINDI MO YAN SINUKO!" Anna was laying her hand on her already. After all of that, onti onti na kaming narelax, niyakap kami ng Lord isa isa. WHAT AN ENCOUNTER. Sa loob ng Villa na yun, naencounter namin ang Lord. Sobrang nakakaoverwhelmed dahil pinuntahan niya kami dun, we feel so special that time. Hindi kami nakakain nun pero nabusog kami ng presensya niya. First time ko nakita na ganun ang move ng Lord. Ganon siya kalakas, ganon siya ka-grabe. Huling iyak ko nung last year pa and its about my testimony. It's a way of saying na "bumalik na kayo sa akin ulit dahil nawawala kayo." Madami pa nangyari sa villa namin nun that time. Ilang oras din yun. Halos naubos ang tubig sa katawan namin. Then we ended it with a closing prayer. Ngayon, bumalik kami ng Manila na may madaming baon na hindi nauubos at hindi mauubos. Now, WE HAVE DECIDED. WE ARE READY TO DO GREAT THINGS FOR HIS KINGDOM. WE ARE READY TO TAKE NEW GROUNDS. THANK YOU LORD!

[km-journals]

Broken-Down "A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls." -Proverbs 25:28 God has given us a unique ability through the Holy Spirit...self-control. Unfortunately, we do a not-so-good job of letting our emotions, finances, and appetite for food get the best of us. Merely, shrugging our shoulders and accepting ourselves the way we are is not honoring to God. We should not allow ourselves to be at the mercies of our uncontrolled appetites. It is entirely possible to change. After all, we can do all things through Christ. If we don't have self-control especially as Christians, we're like a tall building that doesn't have enough strong foundation. When a small earthquake hit us, we will be easily get destroyed. It's like, we've been rushly made, tendency, we het easily broken as well. The process that we went through is not that good that's the reason why if there's a trial, we quit. When everything seems right we are very thankful, we give our best praise and worship onto him. But when something went wrong, everything disappears. We even don't do our devotions, we don't feel like praising him, we don't have the heart to worship him, we cannot even say "thank you" to him. If you want to go higher, dig deeper! You should build enough foundation, strong enough to overcome all of the obstacles that you will have in life, strong enough to stand firm, strong enough that your faith for God is unbreakable! Lord will not throw something that you couldn't catch, Lord will never gives you pain without a purpose, and Lord will never give you problems that you cannot overcome. You are an overcomer! You just have to prove that. The Lord is firmly standing for you. He even catched death just to save you. It's your turn to prove him that you are worthy for the life that he has sacrificed for you! The Lord didn't say that you should die on the cross as well like what he did, all he wanted for you is to stand firm about the faith that you have for him. You just have to believe and let God's love reflect on you life. YOU SHOULD PORTRAY GOD'S LOVE FOR YOU. If God didn't give up on you and he will never be, you should do the same for him.

[km-journals]

God's Best We are all waiting for God's best, we frequently ask ourselves "where is he/she?" or "is he/she the one already?", we are so tempted to find out who are we going to end up with. But do we ask ourselves if... 

Are we ready to commit? 

Are we ready to love? 

Are we ready physically, mentally, emotionally? 

ARE WE IN THE RIGHT TIME FOR THIS? 

 Yes, it is tempting to go in a relationship. But always remember that you are worthy and don't forget to value yourself. If you can't value yourself, do you think you're able to value other person? Before you grow with anyone, grow first with the Lord. We keep on jumping to one relationship to another and then when you fail, you keep on asking God "why's". Like, why did you enter in a relationship wherein you're not sure about it? You keep on asking... 

Why do they keep on leaving me? 

Why do they keep on hurting me? 

Why do they keep on abusing me? 

 We need to realize the love we wanted to receive can only be found with God. That is the unconditional love. Ask yourself now, will your boyfriend die for you? Will your crush die for you? Are they willing to die for you? 

NO. But Jesus? HE DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOU. JUST TO MAKE YOU WHOLE. FOR YOU TO LIVE AND BRING YOU THERE. 

 Jesus didn't sacrificed his life for you to get mad crazy over your boyfriend/girlfriend. Build yourself first. Finish your studies, get a job and earn a career, take time to discover things you've always wanted to do, pursue your dreams, pursue your calling, pursue what God wanted for you to do and go where he wanted you to be. Yes, we all deserve the best. God will give us his best. He will send someone who we really deserve when the time is right. Do you think you deserve the best even if you are not yet at your best? 

 Let's put it this way... Do you deserve someone that IS NOT THE BEST even you know to yourself that you are the best? 

 Ofcourse, NO. So, be the best version of yourself first, and God will send someone to cut in. God loves his precious children and he doesn't want to get us hurt. Do you think he will send his child to someone just to get hurt? And if you're eyeing for someone, it's better if you will PRAY for him/her, NOT PREY for them. If you're thinking you don't deserve someone like them because they're the best, make yourself the best for them. Do that because you want to pursue them, because you know that they're one of the God's best. And if you're going to pursue, make sure marriage is the goal. You're not dating to break up or to get your heart broken. You are a child of God, you are precious to him. You will get the love you really deserve if you know how to value yourself. Keep yourself pure until God send you the right one. Obey him and everything will definitely fall into the right place. Work hard to be the best version of yourself, that's the best gift you could give to your future partner in life. And ofcourse, don't forget to put God in the center of your relationship. 

Having him as the heart of your relationship is the healthiest and best relationship you could have than anyone else! Don't settle for less than God's best! For now, guard your heart. Ask God for wisdom!

[km-journals]

Called to Passion

Very often when people talk about calling, they try to remove human autonomy from the equation. They imagine that our desires, our concerns, our passions and talents are irrelevant. But the fact that our loving Father has called us should not negate the freedom we have to make choices.

Finding our passions—answering the question “What do you want?”—is crucial to finding our callings. Rarely is that question easily answered. For most, determining what we truly want is a profound psychological process: a journey of discovery that takes time to travel and that can lead us in different directions at different points in our lives.

So it was for the disciples. They didn’t know what they wanted—only that they were searching for something. When Jesus asked them, “What do you want?” they didn’t know how to answer. Instead they sidestepped it with a question of their own: “Where are you staying?” (John 1:38)

The inference from the disciples’ question is clear: We don’t know the answer to your question. We’re not sure what we’re seeking. We don’t know where we’re going. But we do know that we want to spend time with you, to abide with you, to learn more about you. Because if you truly are who John says you are, then maybe you will be able to show us what we are truly seeking.

Jesus’ simple response to the disciples also acknowledged their unspoken questions. The words, “Come and see where I am staying,” meant, “Come and find out the plans that I have for you; the callings and the passions that I will give you.” And that is exactly what the disciples did. They entered the house seeking—but they left sought.

For Jesus sought them out and called them. They gave up their searches for truth and took up new callings and new identities, not because they had all the answers, but because they found the one who does. They found not a new religious project, not a new program, but a person. They became known to him, and that recognition changed their lives. - Ken Costa

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"(E)ncourage" “Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear [you speak].” ‭‭EPHESIANS‬ ‭4:29 I ask you, what are your words doing? Is your tongue building people up or tearing them down? Are you planting the seeds of success or foretelling a future of failure? Are you pouring courage into those around you, encouraging them, giving them the power to think, speak, try, and do things without fear? Or are you draining courage from people, discouraging them, paralyzing them not to do these things because you’re sure they will fail you? To quickly start encouraging those around you, fill them with praise, appreciation and positive language. A simple, “Good job!” “Thank you!" and/or, “I love you!” can have an immediate positive impact. And not just for the recipient. The giver also receives the added benefits of things like better health and more happiness! I’ve found that when you sincerely allow your heart to build others up, the results can be phenomenal. Your words could be the spark that ignites a raging inferno in someone else whose fire was about to extinguish.

[km-journals]

To His Purpose "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." -Romans 8:28 God is masterful in weaving events together for His glory, even if it is painful, challenging, or traumatic. When your world comes crashing down, keep your faith focused on God. He will not fail you. When your attention is focused on a solid rock, your perspective changes and the rest moves into your peripheral view. How can you stay focused on God when all else fails? Plant yourself in God's word. Be persistent in prayer. Confide in an accountability partner who is mature in their faith.