kolewe-blog

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My Baby!

Recently I got asked to be the godmother of my uncles baby girl!! I am so excited! My little princess is five months old and I absolutely adore her. Her daddy is technically not my uncle but the cousin of my mother and I think it's so cool that he chose me! I may be young but I will be the very best godmother/sister/friend I can be❤️ I can't wait for the baptism to make it official.

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Baby goose 😍

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This tho! 👌

why can’t you understand this

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General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Apparently it was not enough having to deal with sucky teenager problems and being a HSP 😑 Nooooo my brilliant brain decided that it had to develop GAD. Thank you very much. Now I'm in a place where I can joke about my GAD but let me tell you having it Sucks Balls!! So what does 'General Anxiety Disorder' mean? 'General' sounds so harmless but it's not, it means EVERYTHING. Every oh-so-little-thing induces fear. That smoothie you have been craving all day? Drinking it will probably trigger an allergic reaction. You don't have allergies? Well they might have developed now A car stopping in front of you? They will definitely abduct you. Sunshine? It'll cause cancer. Swimming in the lake? You will forget how to swim and drown. The list goes on and on and on. It may sound ridiculous but it's not. Ever single minute goes to worrying. And it hurts. Of course I noticed that there was something wrong. Nobody else felt the way I felt but the thing about anxiety? You are too afraid to ask for help. GAD ruined a lot for me. Now I take meds, have therapy and ways to battle it but it's still there. It still influences me. It still sucks balls.

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When I'm upset I calm myself down either by going for a walk alone or going trough photos, books,... anything that brings up happy memories. The ocean is my happy place.

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Life is life

As I turn 17 on the 1st of May. I’m getting emotionally and mentally worried about how’s life gonna be after several years. As I grow older, I think I’m slowly turning to an introvert. Idk. I just felt it. I also realized that I shouldn’t change myself just to fit in to society. Back then, I want people’s attention but now I just want to be myself at all, even though people don’t notice me. As I’m getting older, life’s getting harder and tougher than I thought. I miss how my life only revolved around crayons, paper, toys and childhood friends. No problems. No heartbreaks. No shits. No fucks. None at all. Now I’m overthinking, what could happen next? Let’s see.

Life reminders: YOU SHOULDN’T CHANGE YOURSELF JUST TO FIT IN TO SOCIETY. Just be yourself. Don’t be afraid to show the real you to them. If people really love you, they should love you the way you are no matter what. Also don’t apologize for being yourself to yourself (R.B.)

DON’T YOU EVER THINK THAT LIFE IS EASY. WAIT UNTIL YOU BECOME AN ADULT. Although I’m not an adult yet but you will realize the shits that’s going in to your life until you’re slowly turning into an adult. Just face it. While you’re young, live your life to the fullest and cherish it!

SOONER OR LATER, NOBODY WILL GIVE FUCKS AT YOU. At this age, since I entered college. People really change the way our earth’s atmosphere change. It is globally changing. Just do your job in life. Later on, they will give fucks at you in the end.

DON’T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE MIGHT SAY TO YOU. Darling, be yourself! Wear what you want. Do what you want. Eat what you want. Anything you want! Whatever your look it is, you’re damn way too beautiful/handsome than those people who are judging you. Give them a killer wink and smile. They will melt with insecureness. BE HAPPY!

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can somebody else relate? This used to be my daily schedule😓 fortunately now it's just once in a while😁

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true words

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Great starting point to learn more about HSP and an online self evaluation.

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I am a highly sensitive person

First let's clear up the meaning of being highly sensitive. It is NOT -shyness -inhibitedness -fearfulness -neuroticism or -overreacting It is NOT a disorder. Actually 15-20% of the population are HSP and the trait has even been found in several animal species. A better description is Sensory-Processing Sensitivity (SPS, it's scientific term). As a HSP your nervous system is super sensitive to stimuli, everything is louder, brighter and more intense than for other people. Every sense and emotion is super heightened and people cope with it, of course, differently. That is why a HSP is sometimes categorized wrongly e.g. as shy. The noise of life can be truly very exhausting and combined with intense emotions it is obvious I think that some appear shy as they try to minimize distress. The big difference is that shyness is learned and a HSP is born! I was diagnosed at 16 years and it changed my life. I will definitely post a lot about life as HSP in the future.

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Being different: First time realizing it

I was 9 years old. My family and I had returned for good from Canada and I went back to my old elementary school class. I grew up with these kids from kindergarten on and I missed them while I was away. But things had changed. I had changed. I had lived in a different 'universe' than them and while all of us were excited and happy to be reunited we had taken the first steps away from each other. It was weird for all of us. I had been so very happy in Canada and I missed what I would soon call "die Heimat meines Herzen" (= my hearts home). My friends were confused, for them I was on a long vacation and finally back home but I felt as I had been ripped it. When I got excited or any kind of emotional I often switched into english, a language none of my classmates even remotely understood. I cried a lot, I was confused and sad and angry. I just didn't fit in with my old friends anymore. They didn't know the games I liked to play, they knew nothing of the places I tried to tell them about and they even made fun of the pictures of my friends and classmates in Canada. That hurt. By the end of fourth grade I was SO looking forward to high school (here from 5th-12th grade). None of my friends went to the same school as I and I hoped that I would find friends there that understood the person better I had started to become.

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I live in my own little world. But it’s okay, they know me here.

Lauren Myracle

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Family: An Introduction to mine

My story starts like everyone's with: family. Childhood. Born as the third (and last) child of my parents I was quite lucky. By then they already had almost mastered 10 years of parenthood and got most if the things figured out. My role as the Baby of the family was one I liked and knew how to always use to my advantage. I'm very thankful to my dear siblings for they made dealing with my parents so much easier. As the last kid they were always too annoyed and exhausted to care about what I did and since I knew very well what not-to-do (from observing my sister) and what to-do (from my brother) we never had a lot of issues. I was a typical kid, annoying and silly as hell. Growing up in the countryside was great. I knew ever kid my age (#villagelife) and I had a blast most of the time. Until the end of second grade of elementary school everything was quite normal And then, well, I got issues.

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What am I doing here??

I don't really know what you I'm doing here. I doubt anybody will be interested what I have to say or read my rambling but whatever. Yet Here I am and about to tell you my - very unspectacular- story. Why? Because I am bored and I am trying to use my time for better things than wasting it watching senseless tv shows. Also I'm at the verge of a big change in my life and I just kinda want to record it. Furthermore I want to tell my story for you. When I started my journey of becoming a thinking and functioning human being I felt very alone and while I did have good friends there was no one who understood me or felt things the way I did. For years I felt out of place and wrong and not suited for life. Now I know where I went wrong and why I felt that way and finally I am learning how to live my life and not just survive it as I did for too many years. I am just one girl sharing what I experienced and how I am handling it. And if there's just one person who will read this and laugh, relate or be comforted that there are others out there facing the same problems It'll be enough. Nice to meet you, Kollee