kotaro-yumekuma

[kotaro-yumekuma]

I love sadistic 🍍 with Marine Y/N — and in another world, I love how medic Y/N finds out 🍍 is a masochist, and they give in to their desires.

[kotaro-yumekuma]

He🍍 indulges in an unforgettable night with Y/N.

[kotaro-yumekuma]

A Serenade Woven by the Tempest #02

Chapter → 01 02

Marco slipped his hand beneath my shirt, his fingers expertly circling my breasts. Each deliberate touch sent shivers through my body, my nipples hardening instantly against the fabric. He watched my reactions intently, his eyes darkening with desire as my breath quickened. "Ah... nn, wait, weren't we still talking?" "It's been two months. This comes first-yoi," he breathed, his voice husky with need. Any protest died in my throat as his skilled fingers found my nipple, rolling it between thumb and forefinger. His other arm wrapped around me, pulling me closer as he continued his ministrations, feeling the peak harden further under his expert touch. Sweet pleasure radiated through my body, heat pooling between my legs. "Haa... mmn..."

I looked up at him, and his lips immediately claimed mine in a hungry kiss. His ragged breathing echoed in my ears as his tongue explored my mouth, each sound making my core throb with need. Marco's usually composed face now showed raw desire, his eyes intense with want. "Get on the bed-yoi," he commanded softly. He followed as I complied, covering my body with his larger frame. His mouth traced a burning path down my neck, leaving marks that would remind me of this night come morning. His assault continued down to my breasts, where his warm tongue replaced his fingers, drawing desperate sounds from my throat.

His skilled fingers traced each sensitive spot, drawing increasingly desperate sounds from my lips. Every touch felt electric, heightened by our two months apart. When his tongue replaced his fingers below, pleasure shot through my entire body. "Ah! No... it's embarrassing..." "Let me taste you properly-yoi," he murmured against my heated flesh, his warm breath making me shiver. His tongue moved with practiced skill, finding every spot that made me gasp and tremble. My hands tangled in his hair as the pleasure built in waves. Marco's movements grew more intense, more focused, drawing me closer to the edge. Just as the tension peaked, he slipped two fingers inside, curling them expertly to hit that perfect spot. "Marco! I'm... ah!" He maintained his relentless rhythm until I shattered completely, waves of pleasure washing over me. As I caught my breath, he moved up to kiss me deeply, letting me taste myself on his tongue. "Not finished yet-yoi," he growled softly, positioning himself between my thighs. The feeling of his hardness pressing against me made my breath catch.

His lips found mine again as he positioned himself. The feeling of him pressing against my entrance made my breath catch with anticipation. "Wait... protection..." Marco reached for the bedside drawer with practiced ease. The brief pause only heightened our mutual desire. When he finally pushed inside, we both gasped at the intense sensation. The stretch was significant after our time apart, but my body eagerly welcomed his familiar presence. "You feel incredible-yoi," he breathed against my neck, holding still to let me adjust. I wrapped my legs around his waist in response, drawing him even deeper. His first thrust drew a cry from my lips. Each subsequent movement built upon the last, creating a rhythm that had me clinging to his broad shoulders. The sound of skin meeting skin mixed with our heavy breathing and the storm's fury outside. "Deeper... please, Marco..." He responded by hooking one of my legs over his arm, the new angle allowing him to reach even deeper. His controlled movements grew more urgent, more demanding. Between our joined bodies, his skilled fingers found my most sensitive spot, adding to the building pleasure. The dual stimulation had me arching off the bed. My fingers dug into his back as the tension built, drawing a groan from his throat. His thrusts became more forceful, more desperate, his own control clearly slipping. "Come for me again-yoi," he commanded, his voice rough with need.

The combination of his demanding voice, relentless movements, and skilled touch pushed me over the edge. My release washed over me in waves, my inner walls clenching around him rhythmically. This time he followed, his rhythm faltering as he found his own completion. Marco collapsed beside me, both of us breathing heavily. He pulled me close, pressing soft kisses along my shoulder as our heartbeats gradually returned to normal. The storm continued to rage outside, but in our small cocoon of warmth, nothing else mattered. We lay there tangled together, trading lazy kisses and gentle touches. His fingers traced patterns on my skin, occasionally dipping lower to tease sensitive areas, drawing soft sighs from my lips.

Distant thunder rolled as we lay together catching our breath. Outside the window, the storm's intensity had only grown, but here in our intimate bubble, it felt like background music to our moment. "Looking at apartments online tomorrow sounds good-yoi," Marco murmured, his fingers lazily tracing patterns on my skin. "We're stuck inside anyway with this weather." "Mm, that's true," I replied, snuggling closer to his warmth. A flash of lightning briefly illuminated the room, followed by a deep rumble that seemed to shake the building. "Wow, what a sound." "The perfect weather for staying in-yoi," he smiled, pressing a soft kiss to my temple. The combination of the storm's ambiance, Marco's warmth, and our recent activities was making me delightfully drowsy. As I drifted on the edge of sleep, I felt truly content. The typhoon might have ruined our original plans, but it had given us something even better instead - a promise for our future, wrapped in the intimacy of this moment. Marco pulled the blanket over us, creating our own perfect shelter from the storm.

Chapter → 01 02

[kotaro-yumekuma]

✨ A collection of moments that prove (again and again) Marco is the ultimate super-darling boyfriend 💛 Whether it’s the little things or the big gestures, he’s always taking care of you in his own way 😌🔥

[kotaro-yumekuma]

I’m losing my mind over Y/N as a Marine getting messed up by the Phoenix—rough and sweet in turns.

Marco: “Heh… Getting fucked by a pirate—does it feel so good it’s making you cry?”

Y/N: “I… I don’t want to die…” Marco: “Ohh… so that’s your little act of defiance for tonight, huh?”

[kotaro-yumekuma]

He seems like the type who’s pretty serious about grooming—bet he shaves everything but his jaw every morning. Also kinda want him to just help himself to my lotion without saying anything.🧴

Image 1 Marco (thinking): Lately my skin’s been feeling really dry. Image 2

(left): E-Emulsion...? What even is that...? (note: 🌸’s skincare)

(top right): Part of being a well-groomed man... (spray sound) Pshhh...

(bottom right): Y/N: Press it gently into your skin like this… If you ever want tips, just let me know anytime.♡ 　Marco: ...I’ve been caught using it in the next room…

[kotaro-yumekuma]

A Serenade Woven by the Tempest #01

Chapter → 01 02

I let out an exaggerated sigh while glaring at the TV. The meteorologist was explaining the projected path of an approaching massive typhoon, his animated gestures emphasizing the urgency of his repeated warnings to stay indoors. Through the window, I could already hear the wind beginning to howl, its mournful sound matching my mood perfectly. The warnings meant nothing to me now. My plans were already in ruins. "Well, we can try to make time in autumn or winter," Marco's calm voice came through my phone's speaker. Despite his attempt at casualness, I could hear the mix of apology and resignation in his tone. It was the voice he used when trying to be the mature one, the responsible one. "I was really looking forward to this..." The words came out smaller than I intended, more vulnerable than I wanted to sound.

The record-breaking typhoon's approach had forced the cancellation of our flights, and with them, our planned hot springs getaway this weekend. We'd just made that decision moments ago, and something heavy settled in my chest, right where excitement had bubbled just hours before. Marco lives about an hour away by train. Since starting his own business, our time together had become precious and rare - we hadn't seen each other in two months. This weekend was supposed to be special: a room with a private bath, just the two of us. I'd spent the past month juggling work commitments and even stepped up my skincare routine so I could confidently go makeup-free at the inn. And now, of all times, a typhoon had chosen to make its appearance. The universe, it seemed, had a cruel sense of timing. "Looks like we'll get strong winds here too. You should probably stock up on about three days' worth of food at the supermarket today," Marco said, already shifting into practical mode. "You're moving on too quickly. Hey, aren't you sad about this at all?" I couldn't keep the slight accusation out of my voice. "Of course I'm disappointed-yoi. But can't exactly complain to the weather, can we?" His voice carried that gentle teasing tone that usually made me smile. Today, it just highlighted the distance between us. "You're so mature..." I muttered, earning a soft chuckle that, despite everything, warmed something inside me. "What are you doing this weekend?" I asked hopefully, clinging to the possibility of at least spending time at one of our places. But— "With this weather, our clients are in chaos. I'll probably be dealing with that the whole time." The words came with a weary sigh that told me he wished it were different. He was still working weekends, as usual. Since going independent, his life had become an endless stream of client meetings and emergency responses. Another hope disappeared with his words, dissolving like sugar in rain. "I see. Don't overwork yourself, okay?" I tried to inject cheerfulness into my voice, though the words felt hollow. "Yeah. I'll let you know when I have time to grab dinner or something. See you." Marco was older than me, more experienced in navigating life's disappointments. While we'd avoided cancellation fees, the loss of our precious time together stung sharply. I felt childish for being the only one so affected, for not being able to brush it off with his easy grace.

After hanging up, I stared blankly at the TV, the weather map's swirling patterns blurring before my eyes. Marco's practical advice eventually penetrated my gloom, and I grabbed my umbrella and keys. The supermarket wouldn't wait forever. Outside, though the typhoon was still days away, heavy rain was already falling, fat drops that seemed eager to announce the coming storm. Strong gusts fought with my umbrella, threatening to turn it inside out with each gust. Not feeling like cooking, I loaded up on frozen foods, beer, and ice cream - the holy trinity of cancelled plans and disappointment. Despite my large umbrella, my lower half was thoroughly soaked by the time I made it home.

A hot shower helped wash away the chill but not the disappointment. I dressed in my comfort clothes - just a camisole and shorts - and grabbed a beer from the fridge. The sound of the can opening echoed strangely in the quiet room, like a lonely punctuation mark. The clock showed 7 PM. In another reality, I would have been happily packing right now, checking and double-checking my bags with excited anticipation. Instead, here I was, nursing a beer and staring at a mindless variety show while rain drummed against my windows with increasing intensity. The sudden chime of the intercom cut through my melancholy like a knife through butter. "Huh?" I blinked in confusion. Had I ordered something online and forgotten about it? The intercom rarely rang except for deliveries. Puzzled, I checked the entrance monitor, and my heart stopped. There stood Marco, his coat dark with rain, his usually neat hair charmingly disheveled. For a moment, I forgot how to breathe.

"What— Marco!?" I pressed the response button with trembling fingers, my heart performing an elaborate gymnastics routine in my chest. "Surprise!" he said playfully, like the lead in a romantic drama, his bright voice seemingly immune to the weather's gloom. "What about work?" "Already finished. It's cold, let me in already-yoi." I unlocked the auto-lock, and watched him disappear from the monitor. One minute. That's how long it would take him to reach my door from the elevator. I launched into frantic motion, pulling on a T-shirt and sweatpants, clearing away the laundry scattered across my bed like fallen leaves. My heart refused to slow its excited dance. When I opened the door, Marco was just turning the corner into my hallway. The sight of him, real and present after so long, drew an involuntary smile to my face. My tiny apartment hallway suddenly felt like the most perfect place in the world. "Did I surprise you?" Marco's smile held a touch of shyness, an endearing contrast to his usual confidence. The expression made my heart flutter in my chest. "Of course you did! You should have told me you were coming. I don't have anything prepared." "You've got plenty of beer though, right?" His knowing grin made me blush. "Well... obviously." He laughed and raised a cheerfully colored bag to my face level. I could see how carefully he'd protected it from the rain, holding it close to his body under his coat. "Ah!" "I got takeout from that place we liked." Inside was a box bearing the logo of our special Italian restaurant, the one where we'd had our third date, where we'd first held hands under the table like teenagers. Marco leaned his wet umbrella against the hallway wall, entered, and placed his car keys on top of the shoe cabinet. Then he kissed me, his lips soft and slightly cool from the rain. "Mm..." The familiar sensation made me realize just how much I'd missed him. Though we'd been busy before, this was our first two-month separation. Seeing his face up close after so long was intoxicating - had his eyes always been this intense? My heart performed another acrobatic routine. "You're cold. You should take a shower first." "Thanks, I think I will." "I'll set out the food. Beer for you too, right?" "Yeah, thanks." I did an internal victory dance. If he was drinking despite driving here, that meant he was staying the night. "Wow, this looks delicious!" The box revealed carefully packaged dishes, each one a colorful artwork of our favorite foods. I took plates from the shelf and began plating with extra care. Though the rain was getting stronger outside, battering my windows like an impatient visitor, the room felt wrapped in a cocoon of peace. I poured beer into glasses and sat down, timing it with Marco finishing drying his hair. He sat across from me, also dressed in a T-shirt and sweatpants. Though I usually saw him in impeccable suits, this casual look stirred something warm in my chest. It felt intimate, like a glimpse of a side of him few others got to see. Despite our regular calls and messages, being together in person unleashed a flood of conversation. We talked about everything and nothing - his work challenges, my recent adventures, the neighbor's new cat, the way the convenience store had rearranged their shelves. Every topic felt fascinating simply because we were sharing it face to face.

After dinner, while Marco was washing dishes (insisting despite my protests), I took out the whiskey he'd taught me to appreciate. "It's best straight," he'd said months ago, and I'd learned to love it that way, though perhaps partly because it reminded me of him. I poured a little whiskey into two glasses and placed them on the bedroom's low table. My tiny 1DK apartment suddenly felt like the coziest place in Tokyo. The kitchen-dining area with its table for two (three if you're really friendly), the bedroom-slash-living room with its TV, low table, and bed (upgraded to double size after Marco came into my life, though still barely adequate). I'd always thought about adding some large plants for decoration, but space was at a premium. With Marco's tall, athletic frame, the room grew even smaller. Tonight, though, that smallness felt like a blessing, keeping us close. Fresh from cleaning up, Marco sat beside me on the bed, bringing with him the clean scent of soap and something uniquely him. "Thank you." "Yeah." Our shoulders nearly touched, sending my pulse racing again. I grabbed the remote, needing something to do with my hands. "Want to watch a movie or something?" "...No, that's okay." Marco contemplated his whiskey for a moment, then set it carefully on the table. His large hand covered mine, warm and slightly calloused. "Hey, want to live together-yoi?" The question caught me completely off guard. I'd been preparing myself for more intimate advances, but this emotional intimacy struck deeper than any physical touch. When I didn't respond immediately, Marco leaned in, his "Hey" soft and uncertain. His eyes held a vulnerability I rarely saw, a mix of hope and fear that made my heart ache. "Are... are you serious?" "Why are you so surprised? We've been together for about a year now." "Yeah, but... Marco..." I swallowed the words "I thought you didn't like that kind of thing." I didn't want to risk changing his mind. But seeing his serious expression, the raw honesty in his eyes, I realized that worry was unnecessary. "I'm happy. I've been thinking about it too." The admission felt like releasing a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. "Then you should have said so earlier." His relief was palpable, transforming his face with a boyish grin. As he spoke, his hand slipped under my T-shirt, warm against my skin. "Hey, wait—" I protested weakly, but my body was already leaning into his touch. "We can discuss the details later," he murmured, grinning against my lips. Outside, the typhoon continued its approach, but in my small apartment, we'd found our own perfect shelter from the storm.

Chapter → 01 02

[kotaro-yumekuma]

A Butterfly Ensnared by Sweetness #05 : Extra Scene

Chapter : 01 02 03 04 +Extra

Marco POV

"Fwaaaaah..." A smile tugged at my lips at the yawn coming through the speaker. "Usually you'd be asleep by now-yoi." "Yeah, that's true. ...I hope we can see each other tomorrow, even if just for a little while..." "I'll try to finish my business early-yoi. Good night." "Good night, Marco." The Den Den Mushi I'd bought her about a month ago. Even living on the same ship, there were many days when work kept us apart. These conversations between our rooms had become a habit. At first, I'd thought it ridiculous, like some teenage romance, but now hearing her voice had become part of my daily routine. Time to take a shower and finish the remaining work.

In the steam-filled bathroom, I thought about her. It had been a while since I'd had a lover. She was considerate and understood my busy lifestyle. Sometimes she did unexpected things, but I liked that about her too. However, in bed she was always hesitant. So shy that she'd blush just from kisses, shrinking from the slightest touch. But that innocence was endearing in its own way. Once experience took it away, we'd never experience such purity again, so I wanted to nurture it slowly.

Returning to my room after the shower, I noticed the Den Den Mushi's receiver was still off the hook. As I reached for it, an unexpected sigh reached my ears. "...Ah... ah..." "...What?" My thoughts froze. Could she be with someone...? No, she would never do such a thing. Not with another man on the ship. Yet my heart began to race. I fearfully brought the receiver to my ear. I'd completely forgotten that this Den Den Mushi I'd given her was special. Though she thought she'd hung up, I could still hear everything. "...Mm, nn... Marco..." Blood rushed straight to my lower body. She who was usually hesitant to even be touched, calling my name while—her voice was more sensual than I'd ever heard before. "S-seriously-yoi..." I couldn't help letting out a voice in disbelief. Yet unconsciously, I found myself listening intently. As her sweet sighs continued, my own pulse quickened. ...Wait, wait. This is bad. Eavesdropping on such an act—if discovered, she'd be furious. Worst case, she might never face me again. I should cut the connection. Right now. "...Ah... nn..." But her sweet voice mercilessly assaulted my ears, making my body grow hot. Reason and desire warred fiercely. What man could stay calm in such a situation? "Marco... Marco... ha... ah..." Imagining my adorable lover writhing while thinking of me, my groin throbbed insistently. Her alluring voice broke down the last of my discretion. While imagining her disheveled on the sheets, I found my hand reaching for my own arousal.

In the quiet darkness of night, our desperate sighs overlapped. Through the receiver, we pursued pleasure while feeling the frustration of being unable to touch. "Nn..." My hips jerked strongly as I reached climax, guided by her sweet voice. As the distinctive scent filled the room, my mind went blank, waves of pleasure followed by guilt washing over me. Though I'd just showered, sweat began to bead again. "...Hah, no good today either..." A sigh mixed with dissatisfaction. I see, so she'd been struggling alone like this, wanting to deepen our relationship. That realization squeezed my chest. You're too cute, you know that?

How can I face her tomorrow—no, this secret will go with me to the grave. As I made this resolution, I felt heat beginning to gather in my lower abdomen again.

Chapter : 01 02 03 04 +Extra

[kotaro-yumekuma]

A Butterfly Ensnared by Sweetness #04 : Who I Really Am

Chapter : 01 02 03 04 +Extra

Awakening on the medical bay bed, I found the morning sun painting the white walls in salmon pink. The memory of falling asleep without showering last night stirred feelings of guilt, accompanied by the lingering sensation between my thighs. Myself, drowning in pleasure under his heated gaze—shame and regret washed over me with each recollection. And immediately after being touched by another man... A double burden of guilt threatened to crush me. Above all else, the fact that Marco had discovered my secret—.

The small Den Den Mushi by my pillow. The sounds I'd made thinking of him on lonely nights, the emotions I'd most wanted to hide—all had reached his ears. (Perhaps he thinks I'm indecent now... Has he lost his illusions about me?) Self-loathing circled endlessly in the morning silence. He had left early with that bottle, saying he would "find out what this really is." Since then, I'd spent a long day in the quiet medical bay, wrapped in anxiety.

◇

As the night sky deepened to navy blue, silence enveloped the ship. Most crew members had gone ashore when heavy footsteps echoed down the hallway. Then Marco appeared. "I'm back." "Welcome back..." At my faint response, his eyes narrowed for just a moment. Wordlessly, he locked the door and placed the amber bottle on the table. In the dim light, the liquid gleamed with an eerily sensual sheen. "How did it go...?" Marco smiled faintly while tapping the bottle with his finger. "Don't worry. Apparently this is something trending on the island lately. It's harmless." As I tried to rush forward in relief, my feet suddenly stopped. The mixture of excitement and killing intent emanating from him made my heart flutter, and unconsciously, yesterday's man's face flashed through my mind. "...What about that Marine?" When I timidly asked, he snorted and replied without changing his expression. "Just took care of him a moment ago." "You didn't..." "I didn't kill him-yoi." His profile in the moonlight twisted harshly for just a moment. "Just made sure he won't try anything stupid again." I caught my breath at his words. The desire to know what lurked behind his voice warred with the instinct that I shouldn't inquire. I couldn't press further. More than sympathy for the man, I was captivated by the raw beast-like nature before me. It strongly attracted me while simultaneously evoking an instinctive shudder.

His large frame approached. The scent of the sea and his unique warm smell, usually comforting, now enveloped me with a tension that felt oppressive. "Marco...?" His eyes glowed in the darkness, taking on the sharpness of a predatory bird that had caught its prey. "Seems I just can't stand the thought of that scum having his way with you-yoi." With those words, he pushed my shoulders firmly, and I fell back onto the bed in an instant. His body covered mine, and there was no trace of yesterday's gentle gaze. "I-I'm sorry... I..." My desperate apology proved futile as his weight pressed down enough to make the bed creak. Marco silently brought his lips to my neck, slowly trailing his tongue across it. He licked wetly from my collarbone to my ear, making me shiver at the warm sensation. When his bony fingers caressed my inner thigh, I tried to close my legs, but his sharp gaze pierced me. "What's this? You were enjoying yourself yesterday." "Th-that was because of the drug..." "Oh?" After a moment of silence, Marco sat up. He took the amber bottle and lightly swirled the liquid before my eyes. "So if you drink this, you'll feel better?" He gripped my trembling chin and pressed the bottle to my lips. As I parted them slightly, the sweet liquid traced down my throat, seeping into my core. The same warmth as yesterday gradually enveloped my entire body. "If there's such a convenient thing, might as well use it." He pinned my shoulders down, pressing me back into the bed. Each time his lips touched my neck, his hot breath entangled with my skin, sending chills and aching pleasure through me. "Ah... mm..." "Just blame it all on this." As he whispered in my ear, my shirt was stripped away, making my exposed skin tremble in the cool air. Being touched so roughly for the first time, confusion and anticipation mingled together. "Please... be gentle..."

His fingers slipped inside my bra, cupping the soft swell beneath. The moment he lightly pinched my nipple, a pleasure like melting brain matter shot through my entire body. "Hi... ah..." A sensation different from last night, unknown feelings washed over me. My skin naturally responded to his touch, sweet sounds escaping my lips. "No, it's because of the drug..." My desperate excuse proved futile as his lips traced down my chest, gently sucking at the peak. Each time the cool air touched my skin, the wetness he left behind felt even more vivid. "Ah... mm... nn..."

His warm palm, burning with heat, slowly slid down across the fabric, reaching my most intimate place. The moment he caressed that sensitive bud, an uncontrollable tremor ran from my feet upward. "You're so wet." "Hah... no, don't..." His fingers slipped inside. My body responded honestly to the pleasure, as he deliberately explored every sensitive spot. Each time his fingers probed deeper, heat welled up from within, sending tingles up my spine. "This... isn't me..." "Is that so?" My words of resistance crumbled with each movement of his fingers. The moment he stroked that spot behind my pubic bone, light exploded before my eyes. "Same spot as yesterday. I've memorized it now." "Ah... no... it's coming... ah!" As the pleasure built to its peak and all my nerves concentrated to one point, Marco suddenly stopped his movements.

"Eh...?" Looking up at him while catching my ragged breath, I found his calm gaze studying me. The desire from moments ago had vanished, leaving confusion in its wake. He pulled away from me, seemingly indifferent to my state. "Hey, can I ask you something?" His low voice made the heated atmosphere suddenly cool. "Wh-what...?" When I responded with a trembling voice, he paused briefly before speaking. "I am, after all, something of a doctor." "..." I was bewildered by this sudden statement. Why bring up such an obvious fact? Yet his sharp eyes showed no sign of joking. "I've seen my fair share of drugs over the years." "...Yes, that's true..." Nodding at his words, anxiety dominated my chest. I feared what he would say next. "Unfortunately, aphrodisiacs don't exist." "...What?" That short statement pierced my chest. A spreading sense of wrongness made my breath catch. Though my heated body pulsed in denial, his words mercilessly confronted me with reality. "Drink it and become sensitive? Increase sexual desire? If such dream-like drugs really existed, they'd be all over the world by now." I felt as if my ears had gone distant. Though his voice continued, it took time for the meaning to reach my mind. "What you drank was just some cheap alcohol-yoi." "That's not... but I..." A trembling voice escaped my throat. His words denied not only last night's events but the very core of what I had clung to. "Yeah, I understand. You don't want to admit it." His quietly whispered voice was calm, making it cut even deeper. "You got caught up in his words, convinced yourself it was an aphrodisiac, and let him have his way. That's all there was to it."

The cruel reality constricted my chest. Shame and frustration washed over me simultaneously, making my whole body burn. Yet in defiance of those emotions, my body still responded sensitively to his touch. "Stand up. Come here." He grabbed my arm and pulled me up. Before I could resist, I was positioned in front of the washbasin, my chin gripped as my eyes met my reflection in the mirror. Moistened eyes, flushed cheeks, disheveled hair. Parted lips letting out ragged breaths—the woman in the mirror seemed like a stranger. "Look well. This is you." His heat pressed against me from behind, trapping me. Though I tried to force out words, each time his fingers caressed sensitive places, my resistance turned to sweet moans. Even when I tried to look away, the grip on my chin wouldn't allow it. Though it should have been frightening, the feeling rising from my lower abdomen was different. My reflection mercilessly exposed my state of arousal. Being dominated by the man I loved, relentlessly teased—in this situation, I found myself experiencing pleasure and excitement. When the arm wrapped around from behind gripped my chest and strongly pinched my nipple, electricity shot through me. "Ah... no..." "Good grief... you're such a mess." His sighing words stoked my shame. As my skirt was lifted and underwear fell to my knees, the cool air caressed my sensitive skin, making me tremble. "Do you want it?" The burning hardness pressed against my waist swayed questioningly. That sensation made my mind go numb. "Ha... ah... Marco..." "Say it clearly-yoi." "Mm... I want it... please..."

His hardness pressed against my inner warmth, my body trembling at the initial contact. "Ah! Ah, aaah!" My back arched as he filled my depths. My fingers trembled against the washbasin. "My feet... they're leaving the ground... scared... ah!" "Don't worry, I won't let go." Supported by his arms, I was lifted with each thrust, watching my reflection being undone in the mirror. I could no longer resist the pleasure of being stirred deeply. "You almost let that guy have you too, didn't you?" My body tensed at his words. Yesterday's memories resurged, bringing guilt with them. But now, my heart and body were completely dominated by Marco's strength. "Ah! Uu, I'm sorry... aah!" My apologies were drowned out by deep thrusts. Each time he rubbed inside me, tingles ran up my spine. "Just admit it. You love sex this much." Lustful moans escaped my lips instead of the protest I tried to form. Each movement drew out the aching need in my body, whitening my vision. "Mm, ah! Ah, already...!" "Go ahead, come." His low voice in my ear triggered a rush of pleasure. "Uu, aaah...!" My fingers jumped against the washbasin as climax pierced through me. My inner walls tightly gripped him, spreading even deeper joy through me. His arms supported my collapsing knees. "Can't stand anymore?" Before I could answer, I was carried to the sheets. My heated skin shivered at the touch of the cool fabric. "Get on top. You know how." "I can't... do that..." "Liar." His hands gripped my hips as he breathed heavily. "You must understand by now. You've been holding back your own desires all this time-yoi." His words melted my final reason. Placing both hands on his chest, I timidly raised my hips. With each slow descent, the sensation of being deeply filled took my breath away. Each time his tip spread me open, sweet sounds spilled from my lips. "Ah... all the way in, mm, ah..." Each roll of my hips made my walls grip him tighter. "How is it... ah! Can't... stop... aah!" "Is that all you can do?" "I... I can't move well..." He suddenly sat up and held me tight. Hot breath by my ear, his arousal through our skin, nipples rubbing against his chest—everything sparked new pleasure. "Hya! Ah, so sudden...!" Tingles shot through to my core with each embrace. Melting in pleasure, even shame disappeared as I found complete release in his arms. "Marco! Please, harder..." His eyes glowed dangerously at my plea. "You don't need to be gentle... do what you want..." "...You'll regret this." "It's fine, please...!" Strong hands gripped my hips as he pushed me down. The weight on my back, his lips claiming mine as his movements grew more intense. The sound of wet skin meeting echoed. "Uu, ah... love you, Marco, love you... ah!" "...Damn." "Ah, mmn! Ah, ah... it's coming again...!" At the final moment, he quickly withdrew, releasing his heat on my stomach. The impact triggered my own release, making my back arch dramatically. As I felt the warmth seeping into the sheets, my mind went completely blank. After the silence, he gently stroked my hair. "We'll save the rough stuff for next time." He wrapped me in his warmth as he wiped away the vivid evidence of our passion.

His warmth enveloped me as he wiped away the vivid evidence of our passion. Sweat-dampened bodies remained intertwined as silence flowed between us. In Marco's arms, while slowly steadying my breathing, I felt his heartbeat. "Sorry," he whispered in my ear, his voice hoarse yet strangely gentle. "Seeing that guy's face made me angry and... I went too far." "...It's okay." At my brief response, his arms gently pulled me closer. His warm breath as he stroked my hair and the gentle silence surrounding us gradually calmed my heart. With each slow stroke of his fingers across my back, I could feel the tension melting away. "You know, I was always afraid... that you might throw me away someday." At my quietly uttered words, his fingers paused for a moment. I could sense him raising his head in surprise. "Huh? What's that about?" Feeling the weight of my own words, I buried my face in his chest. "B-because..." I continued in a small, trembling voice. "Marco, you always get quiet after we finish... I thought you weren't satisfied with me." "You idiot." His exasperated voice held a warmth to it. "Like I'd leave you over something like that. ...Though it turns out you're actually quite the erotic woman." "St-stop it!" I pressed my face further into his chest to hide my burning cheeks. I could feel his slight laughter through the vibrations in his chest. "Ah... it's a bit sad thinking I won't see your innocent side anymore." I puffed my cheeks at his deliberately dramatic sigh. "...Come to think of it," I mumbled in a small voice, face still against the sheets. "I haven't forgiven you for secretly listening to my room." "Ugh..." I could tell Marco had clearly frozen. "That... I'm really sorry about that. But any man would listen, wouldn't they? It's natural." "I can't believe you!" When I sharply smacked his shoulder, he gave a troubled smile. "Buy me a normal Den Den Mushi. A really cute one." "Alright, alright." When I turned my back, still pretending to sulk, his arms gently encircled me. "Please forgive me-yoi." I almost laughed at the ticklish sensation. "Next time I'll let you watch me doing it alone, okay?" "I-I don't want to see that!" When I turned back, his face was right there, peering at me playfully. Unconsciously, I found myself imagining my lover in such a state for a moment. "...Maybe I do want to see it a little." Marco burst out laughing.

Chapter : 01 02 03 04 +Extra

[kotaro-yumekuma]

A Butterfly Ensnared by Sweetness #03 : Under His Watchful Eyes

Chapter : 01 02 03 04 +Extra

In the sealed medical bay, a single lamp cast its glow against the white walls. In the night's stillness, only the clock's second hand marked the tension hanging between the two of us. I instinctively shrank from his fingers as they reached to check my pulse. After a moment's hesitation, Marco continued his examination slowly. Cool fingers moved from my forehead to my neck. Each touch brought back flashes of earlier events, threatening to pull me from consciousness. "It doesn't seem toxic... but does anything hurt?" "...that" "Hm?"

Like awaiting judgment, I kept my gaze fixed on the shadows cast on the floor, finally forcing out words. "He said... it was an aphrodisiac..." Marco slowly stood, taking the amber bottle in hand. He held it to the light, gently swirling it—something dangerous lurking in that gesture. "Oh... I see." The silence grew heavier. "Do you know what an aphrodisiac is?" I couldn't answer. My nails dug into my palms. To tell him would mean exposing my own shameful behavior. Footsteps approached the bed. His nearness made my breath catch. "Your face is quite flushed-yoi." His words made my entire body tense. "And you're burning up." Memories resurged with his words. I pressed my knees together as the ache returned. His sharp gaze missed nothing about that gesture. "Tell me..." An inescapable proximity. "What did that Marine do to you?" My heart leaped violently. I didn't want to tell him. The sensations still lingering in my body awakened memories of shame. In the silence, Marco waited. Only the clock's ticking echoed, unbearably loud.

"He... touched my chest..." "...And?" "And... down there... a little..." "..." "That's... all." The lies constricted my chest. Footsteps approached, then retreated. The lamp's light wavered, distorting shadows. Marco stopped before the medical bay's entrance, letting out a long sigh. Then, from my bag, he withdrew the baby Den Den Mushi. "I feel bad about this, but..." What he took from my bag was the baby Den Den Mushi. "Actually, this one I bought from the black market... it can transmit without picking up the receiver." He stared intently at the small creature in his palm. "So I could hear what was happening to you at any time... in case something happened." The moment I understood his meaning, blood drained from my entire body. My pulse thundered in my ears. "You... you heard? Earlier...?" My voice came out hoarse. I stared at the floor's shadows, trying to escape his gaze. "That's how I knew to come help-yoi." "How... how long...?" A sensation of falling into an abyss. My earlier lies crumbled away. He knew everything. Even how I had begun to seek pleasure before that man. "No, it's different. Earlier, my body was strange..." A quiet voice cut through my mixture of panic and excuses. "I'm not angry-yoi." My breath caught at his presence moving one step closer.

"I connected when I sensed you at the tavern but couldn't see you-yoi." Marco rolled the baby Den Den Mushi in his palm. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." "...No. I was careless." I felt a slight relief that I hadn't earned his anger. My grip on the bed sheets loosened.

But that relief was fleeting.

—I always kept the Den Den Mushi by my pillow. This sudden realization awakened a new terror. "...Wait." My hoarse voice broke the silence. "When you said you've been listening... was it only today?" At my question, Marco's hand stopped moving. The overwhelming silence told me everything.

Those nights I spent thinking of him. The soft sighs in my bed. The times I called his name while pleasuring myself. Secrets I believed would never be heard. "You... heard those too?" When I fearfully raised my face, a slight smile played at Marco's lips. Noticing the color in his eyes made heat rush to my face. "Well, you see..." His voice grew slightly husky. The distance between us shortened. "I never thought you'd do such things... I meant to disconnect right away, but..." "M-Marco! You're the worst!" My face felt like it would burst into flames. The moments I'd least wanted anyone to know about had been heard by the person who mattered most. "You called my name quite a lot-yoi." A shiver ran down my spine at the sensual undertone in his voice. "S-stop it...!" I wanted to disappear. As I tried to cover my face with both hands, Marco's large hand caught my wrist. My heart leaped at the warm touch. "Why are you embarrassed? ...I was happy-yoi." His whispered words in that husky voice made my breath catch. His thumb traced gentle circles on my wrist, still holding it. "...Did he make you come?" My entire body tensed at the sudden question. The jealousy bleeding into his voice made my heart race. "How did it feel?" His voice deepened, transforming the medical bay's atmosphere. "I... I don't know..."

As I tried to back away, his arm drew me closer. No escape now, feeling his warmth against my chest. "Then show me how you touch yourself-yoi." His voice carried a different color than usual, revealing barely contained emotions after witnessing what had happened to me earlier. "Wha..." The eyes I met when I looked up were clouded with desire. His gaze alone made my body respond. Like seeking atonement for my voiced pleasure at another man's touch. I could see that thought in his every gesture. "I can't possibly..." My words of resistance came out weak. Perhaps I no longer had the right to escape his embrace. My earlier transgression bound me here. "You could do it alone. Come on..." His whisper by my ear sent tingles through my body. His warm breath caressed my ear, inevitably building arousal. No, this is different—. But I couldn't find the words. I had already almost given myself to a stranger. That fact stripped away my right to refuse his request. "It's embarrassing..." My vision blurred. Still, his hand didn't loosen, slowly guiding my fingers. Like a ritual of atonement.

"Please, I want to see. How you touched yourself while thinking of me-yoi." Seated on the medical bay bed, Marco's body pressed close behind me. His presence heightened my awareness. Following his guidance, I touched myself. My left hand gripped the sheets tightly, while the lamp's light illuminated between my parted knees. "Mm..." I felt his gaze from behind. The mere fact of being watched made my entire body grow sensitive. Love juice staining the sheets. The irony of my body, newly awakened by that man, responding even more strongly before my true beloved. Though shame colored my cheeks, my fingers wouldn't stop. Strange. When I touched myself before, it was never like this... "Hah..." His rough breathing by my ear caressed my neck. When his large hand at my supporting waist touched my inner thigh, my whole body tingled. We were about to cross a line never crossed before. Each time I felt his gaze, forbidden anticipation grew.

"Just the outside?" "Mm... inside..." Marco's fingers gently enveloped my hand as I hesitated. Following his guidance, my fingers moved inward. "I'm scared..." My voice came out hoarse, and the body behind me tensed for a moment. Memories of earlier surfaced. The place where I had felt pleasure at a stranger's touch. That guilt made my fingertips hesitate. "I'm right here-yoi." His voice mixed painful gentleness with longing. My finger slipped slowly inside. Overflowing honey clung to my fingertips. Though shame colored my cheeks, his hand guided me deeper. "Ah... Marco, Marco..." The moment I called his name, his body tensed behind me. But my own fingers weren't enough. Deeper inside, an aching place wanted more. "I can't reach..." His breathing grew ragged at my plaintive words. "...Then?" "You know what I want... don't tease..." The moment I raised my pleading voice, his large hand enveloped mine from behind. As I tried to pull back from the tingling sensation of grazing deep inside, his fingers overlapped with mine, sinking deeper together. "Ah, th-there, ah, aah!"

My back arched at the unprecedented pleasure. The motion made me lean against his chest, and his strong arms held me as he went even deeper. "Marco's... fingers... feel so... good..." My voice rose higher with each call. Pleasure crashed like waves. Each time his fingers stirred inside, new sensations pierced through me. The heartbeat behind me grew stronger, and Marco's breathing became rougher with each response to my voice. Noticing these changes made my arousal build further. "Mm... no, ahh... ah, ah!" Each time I let out lustful sounds, he held me tighter. What was guilt moments ago transformed into sweet numbness. "Ah... ah, I'm going to..." My back arched dramatically. My vision went white. Joy incomparable to before consumed my consciousness. Reaching climax calling his name, deeply loved by his fingers in his arms.

Strong arms caught my convulsing body. Still lost in the afterglow, I felt his hard heat pressing against me from behind. Instantly, earlier pleasure threatened to reawaken. As if sensing this, Marco exhaled deeply and slowly pulled away. "...Get some rest for today-yoi." His hoarse voice constricted my chest. Speaking with sensual undertones, as if trying to convince himself. Holding himself back. "But..." Guilt and hesitation welled up. Reluctance to end things while feeling his arousal. But Marco shook his head. "Tomorrow I'll investigate what you were made to drink. ...Just to be safe." His hand gently touched my still slightly trembling cheek. That warmth threatened to reawaken earlier sensations. "Don't leave the ship until then-yoi." His words mixed caring gentleness with barely contained desire.

The exhaustion after intense pleasure made my eyelids grow heavy. In Marco's arms, my consciousness melted into darkness. The last things I felt were his body heat and a whispered "goodnight," gently opening the door to dreams.

Chapter : 01 02 03 04 +Extra

[kotaro-yumekuma]

A Butterfly Ensnared by Sweetness #02 : Laced with Desire

Chapter : 01 02 03 04 +Extra

The main street pulsed with morning vitality. Aromatic scents wafted from street vendors, mingling with the laughter of passing crowds. The sea breeze carried the fragrance of flowers lined along street corners. Though I couldn't stroll with Marco, walking alone had its own charm. Tomorrow, when we shared our discoveries, it would become another beautiful memory. With each small discovery, I walked on, imagining his smile.

At the bookstore, I lost myself in shelves lined with navigation logs and adventure tales. I would pick up history books that seemed to Marco's taste, read them, then put them back. In the end, I bought just one novel for myself. The market was even more bustling. Fresh fish gleamed silver on beds of ice, while tropical fruits colored the stalls. Looking up, I spotted some nurses standing out in the crowd. We exchanged nods, and they returned graceful smiles. To rest my tired feet, I stopped at a small café, then made my way to an observation deck overlooking the harbor. I could see Moby floating in the distance. Everyone must be enjoying their time in their own way.

◇

As dusk quietly embraced the town, I still hadn't heard from Marco. Come to think of it, I'd forgotten to ask what business he had. On my way back to the inn, my hand reached for the baby Den Den Mushi. But no, I shouldn't interrupt his work. Just then, laughter spilling from a street corner made me pause. It was a tavern where our crewmates gathered. Opening the heavy door, familiar faces greeted me with welcoming smiles. Simple conversations shared over drinks began to warm my heart. As a pleasant buzz began to color my cheeks, I headed to the counter for another drink. With no bartender in sight, I rang the bell and waited— "First time here?" Turning to the soft voice, I found a handsome young man smiling at me. His sun-kissed skin gleamed in the dim lighting. The way he swirled his glass showed a composure beyond his years. "Yes." I nodded briefly while waiting for the bartender, intending to keep my distance. But he seemed unfazed by my coolness. "It's a nice place, isn't it? Quite the hidden gem." His voice was friendly as he glanced toward the tables. "Are you with that group over there? Such a lovely atmosphere." Finally, I sensed the bartender emerging from the back. At that moment, the young man leaned forward, entering my personal space.

"Have you tried this drink?" He pointed to an amber bottle. The liquid inside cast an ethereal glow in the lighting. "It's this island's pride. My personal favorite." "No, I..." I had no intention of accepting a drink from a stranger. Perhaps my hesitation showed on my face, because he picked up the bottle and casually began pouring it into his own glass. "Don't be so guarded. It's sweet and easy to drink." He flashed a refreshing smile and drained his glass in one go. His natural manner made my wariness begin to fade. The lively voices of my companions were close by. Wanting to end this conversation quickly, I raised the glass to my lips. The liquid touched my lips with deceptive sweetness before blooming into an intense heat that traced a burning path from my throat to my chest. A peculiar fragrance filled my senses as warmth began to pulse through my veins, each heartbeat carrying the strange sensation further through my body. "Intriguing flavor, isn't it?" His voice seemed to come from somewhere distant, though he stood mere inches away. The young man's voice took on a different tone. That's when I noticed something was wrong. The knowing look exchanged between him and the bartender who had produced the bottle without taking an order. His peaceful expression transformed as he leaned close to my ear and whispered breathily.

"Actually... I mixed in an aphrodisiac." "What...?" Before I could process the unfamiliar word, a sweet numbness spread from my throat, gradually bringing heat to my fingertips. Aphrodisiac—. The moment that word I'd only heard in rumors crossed my mind, my heart began to race. This sensation was clearly different from mere intoxication. "My friends... over there..." As I tried to force out words, an arm encircled my waist. The man pulled me close with a natural gesture, as if helping a drunk customer. "It's alright, let's walk slowly." A chill ran through my body at his gentle whisper. Though I tried to call for help, fear constricted my throat and no sound came out. Looking toward my companions' table, their usual chatter seemed distant and hazy. As the scenery before me began to swim, I was led down a dim corridor. My legs trembled, threatening to give out at the knees. Yet I couldn't stop walking.

Beyond an old door lay a dim room that smelled of dust. A small wall lamp cast yellowed light, while street noise echoed distantly through peeling wallpaper. "Sorry about this." With the sound of a lock, the man's tone changed. Shadows crossed his once-peaceful expression, and his eyes gleamed ominously. "Actually, I'm a Marine." He pulled out dog tags from his chest, showing a fierce grin. The metallic sound froze my spine. "I was planning to catch Whitebeard's crew, but..." One step, then another. My back touched the cold wall as I retreated. "Seeing you up close, you're just too cute." His breath touched my ear, making my cheeks burn. "I changed my mind." "S-stop..." He gently but firmly restrained my arms as I tried to escape. Wet lips traced my neck, fingers sliding from shoulder to waist. I desperately suppressed the sounds threatening to escape at each touch. All trace of the young man from before had vanished, leaving only a beast-like gaze. "Be a good girl." The whispered words made my knees give out. I was pushed down onto the bed, my bag rolling to the side from the impact. "If you behave, I'll let you go. I get my pleasure, you get your life. Good deal, right?" His words froze my core. "Well, I suppose we'll both enjoy it anyway." With a wicked smile, his fingers began trailing over my shoulder. My wrists were pinned above my head while his other hand took control of my body. Tracing my collarbone, caressing my neck, each touch heightened my senses. "Let's have some fun." A stifled moan escaped at his touches through the fabric. The moment warm fingers touched bare skin, my shoulders jerked. "Ah..." Alternating between hands, he played with me, my body growing hot with unfamiliar pleasure. Despite my heart's rejection, my body responded to his movements. "You're quite sensitive, aren't you?" A whispered breath escaped my lips as his fingertips traced their deliberate path. My consciousness wavered, overwhelmed by sensations that had eluded me even with Marco. Soft, desperate sounds I'd never made before spilled forth, my voice unfamiliar to my own ears. So this was an aphrodisiac—. To think I would learn its effects firsthand. His fingers traced my lower abdomen, building an ache. My body undulated at the small circles drawn around my navel. My drugged body betrayed me, responding against my will. "You want to be touched here too, don't you?" Ignoring my shaking head, his persistent touches continued through the fabric, exploring my reactions with sure technique. Every place he touched burned with heat, melting my reason. His fingers found evidence through my underwear. "Liar. You're so wet." "No... this is... ah... ah..." His fingers accelerated, lewd sounds echoing in the quiet room. As unstoppable moans escaped, my self-loathing grew.

This isn't me—. Yet unknown pleasure coursed through me, responding so strongly to a man who wasn't Marco. Guilt and pleasure mixed together as my body answered honestly. "Almost time now." His low words made my spine tremble. My pleas to stop had already changed to sweet cries. I'm sorry, Marco. Apologizing countless times in my heart, I drowned in unknown pleasure. Is this the real me? No, it can't be. But there was no going back. Then suddenly, a searing shock ran through my entire body. "No... ah, AH!" My back arched, a voice I didn't recognize escaping my throat. The world before me dissolved into white, my consciousness floating. Intense pleasure unlike anything I'd felt before crashed over me in waves. A honey-sweet numbness pierced me from fingertips to toes. Joy and shame mixed together as my body convulsed involuntarily. With each tremor of climax's afterglow, new waves rushed in. Reason, shame, even guilt—everything melted into the light.

"What is this..." Still held in his embrace, I swayed between ecstasy and despair. Currents of pleasure still coursed through my body. "Was that your first time coming?" The man's voice mixed surprise and delight. His eyes narrowed dangerously, filled with bottomless curiosity. "A pirate woman, so innocent..." A low laugh dissolved into darkness as he admired my trembling body with predatory eyes. "Let me make you feel even better." Before I could resist, his fingers slipped inside. "Ah! No, no..." To my fearful shrinking, he whispered slowly: "It's alright, you're already so wet." "Hya... ah... ah, ah..." Electric currents ran up my spine with each stroke inside. Sensations that usually terrified me had transformed into pure, sweet numbness. "...Shall we increase your sensitivity a bit more?" The amber bottle appeared in my vision again. The cork was pulled, releasing that unique scent. "N-no more..." "You'll never know true pleasure like this." In my hazy consciousness, those words sparked a strange hope. Could I respond to Marco this way? Those eyes that always gazed at me so sadly. His gentleness, always considerate of my unresponsive body. The guilt of never being able to answer him. But now my body... No. These thoughts are wrong—. Yet my reason-less mind clung to twisted hope. The bottle pressed to my lips. More sweet liquid traced down my throat, new heat spreading from my core. My increasingly sensitive body responded excessively to his movements. "Mm, ah... mm ah! Ah, y-yes..." Wet sounds filled the quiet room as my sensitivity increased beyond what I thought possible. My body moved in rhythm with his guiding fingers. "More..." I was shocked by the words that escaped my hazy consciousness. My hips moved seeking pleasure, memories of time with Marco flashing through my mind. In that moment, my insides trembled violently.

"Such a melted expression." His mischievous smile turned my denials into sweet moans. Metal clinked, fabric fell to the floor. Fear of escape and desire for pleasure swirled together. "No... no more..." Though my trembling voice refused, his large body, his desire-filled expression that should have been frightening now seemed eerily alluring. "You can't hold back anymore, can you?" "Ha... ah, it hurts..." Thoughts of my beloved torn apart by pleasure. Though he was a stranger, my body responded honestly. "I want... to feel good... Please..." A shiver of depravity ran through me at the words that slipped out. This way I could respond to Marco—. That twisted excuse ran wild through my senseless mind. "Good girl." Weight covered me, hot breath caressing my neck. Something hard pressed against my lower abdomen as his hips slowly... Then, an icy voice rang out.

"...Hey."

The man's movement stopped. I held my breath too. That voice... But from where? "What, someone there?" In the moment the man looked around, realization flashed through my mind. The bag fallen beside the bed. The Den Den Mushi. Through my hazy consciousness, trembling fingers touched the soft creature. Though the receiver wasn't off the hook, it spoke as if with its own will. "Well, well... aren't you brave-yoi..." That voice held none of its usual gentleness. Marco's anger filled the room with knife-like coldness. "Do you know whose woman you're putting your hands on?" Strength left the man's hands as he stared at the Den Den Mushi with mixed confusion and fear. "...Step away from her-yoi." Each word carried the weight of an executioner's blade, the familiar lilt at the end somehow making his tone even more menacing. The silence that followed his words lasted barely a heartbeat before the thunderous crash of splintering wood filled the room. The locked door crashed to the floor, corridor light flooding the gloomy space. Through the rising dust appeared Marco, lowering his leg from a kick. "Y-you're..." The weight vanished from atop me instantly, replaced by the sound of a body slammed against the wall. Through my confused consciousness, I opened my eyes to see a familiar back. But his usual calmness was gone.

"Ma...rco..." "What the hell is this situation?" His voice rang low. Relief at being saved, shame at being seen like this, and above all, regret for my transgression constricted my chest. "He... made me drink something strange..." I forced out trembling words. But in such a lewd state, any words would only sound like excuses. His hand dug deeper into the man's throat. "Oh, is that so?" At his tone, blood drained from the man's face. I pressed close to Marco's shadow, trying to hide my shameful state. Though I desperately suppressed the aftershocks of pleasure, the places I'd been touched still throbbed with heat. Hurried footsteps echoed from outside as our crewmates peered through the doorway. "...You were all with her, so how did this happen?" Everyone held their breath at their usually calm commander's killing intent, seeming instantly sobered. "S-sorry, Commander... we weren't watching..." "When we noticed..." "We're so sorry." They hastily apologized, straightening their backs. "Take him away for now. The bartender too." Marco spoke coolly, picking up the bottle by the bed. He checked the scent of the remaining liquid, then tucked the bottle into his sash. Then he began slowly observing my condition. Flushed cheeks. Ragged breathing. An overly responsive body. Deep wrinkles formed between his brows as he took it all in. "...We're going back to the medical bay." At those words, my body stiffened. Fear and guilt mixed together. Time alone that usually brought comfort now frightened me. Whether from guilt or not, I was too intensely aware of his presence. "I can... walk..." Marco said nothing, simply reaching out his arms and lifting my resisting body. At that moment, a small gasp escaped, making my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

Pressed against Marco's chest as he walked the cobblestone streets, I listened to his heartbeat. A steady rhythm. But I couldn't feel his usual warmth. His profile in the night streets had lost its calm expression and gentle gaze, replaced by a face that seemed to suppress all emotion as he stared straight ahead. I buried my face in his chest again. His body heat that should have been comforting now felt accusing. (What must he think of me?) His usual warm voice and soft smile were gone, only silence filling the space between us. (I betrayed him) (Will he forgive me?) (Can things ever go back to normal?) Anxiety swirled in my chest. Regular footsteps echoed through the night alleys like marking time. The sky held neither moon nor stars, only streetlights eerily swaying the shadows of the two figures. Those elongated shadows melted into the darkness of the harbor.

Chapter : 01 02 03 04 +Extra

[kotaro-yumekuma]

A Butterfly Ensnared by Sweetness #01 : Night of Tender Love

Chapter : 01 02 03 04 +Extra

Silvery moonlight spilled through the window like liquid mercury, casting a ethereal glow across the hushed sanctuary of our inn room. As his towering frame shifted away from me, an inexplicable emptiness bloomed in my chest. His wheat-colored hair, still damp with the evidence of our passion, caught the moonlight like spun gold as his broad shoulders disappeared into the shower room. The absence of his warmth left an almost tangible void. These moments after intimacy had always been difficult for me.

We were staying at an inn away from the busy streets of this large port town where our ship was docked. "Can't make noise on the ship, can we-yoi?" he had whispered in my ear, his thoughtfulness stirring something deep in my chest. As I gathered our scattered clothes from the floor, my eyes met my reflection in the mirror. The rose-colored marks blooming on my neck brought back vivid memories of moments ago. My heart clenched as I recalled how his normally peaceful azure eyes had darkened with desire. I loved Marco's touch. His soft lips leaving kisses, the warmth of his large hands—everything was filled with love. But beyond that... The tenderness of his embrace, the intensity of his gaze that set my heart racing—these moments held such pure affection. Yet in the throes of passion, the gentle phoenix transformed. His usual warmth gave way to raw, primal desire, stirring an inexplicable unease in the depths of my heart. This wasn't unique to him. Marco wasn't my first, so I knew a few men. But they all changed in that moment. That transformation had always left me unsettled.

The shower stopped, and the door opened. Droplets traced down Marco's muscular chest from the towel draped over his shoulders. There was something wild and alluring about the way he drank water. "Aren't you going to shower?" His low voice made me tilt my head. "I'm sorry... always." The words escaped my throat, hoarse. "Hm? For what?" "Well... even though Marco tries so hard, I... I can never reach climax." I confessed, looking down, barely able to force the words out. "Being apologized to makes a man feel complicated, you know." His troubled smile made my heart sink further. "I'm sor— ah, um..." My flustered words came out unexpectedly. "If I'm not enough... you can go to those kinds of places, you know." His expression clouded instantly at those words. Furrowing his brow deeply, he reached out and pinched my nose. "Idiot. Don't say things you don't mean. You'd just cry in secret if I did that." A bitter smile escaped me as his words hit their mark. "But—" As I tried to protest, his fingers gently touched my lips. "I want you. Only you." His sincere gaze sent warmth rushing to my face. "Haha, look at you getting all flushed-yoi." At his teasing tone, I couldn't help but pout. "Geez, I'm seriously worried here." "Don't rush. We can take it slow." Marco's voice held its usual gentleness. "Yeah... I'll go take a shower now."

Warm water cascaded over my skin as steam curled around me. Behind closed eyes, memories surfaced unbidden. Marco's gentle touch on my shoulders, his voice a low murmur against my ear. He'd been so patient tonight, each caress measured and tender, sensing my anxiety. Yet my body remained stubbornly unresponsive, registering only the ghosting touch of his fingertips without finding the pleasure he sought to give. "It's alright." His voice still echoed in my ears. The feeling of his warm palm trailing down my back should have been pleasant. Even when I accepted Marco inside me, I only felt the intrusion, unable to find any pleasure. The shower's warmth traced my skin as if trying to comfort me. Despite how much Marco cared for me, I couldn't respond in kind. He put so much thought into making our time together precious, and all I could do was feel more apologetic. Recently, I had confided in a nurse I was close to. "Have you tried doing it yourself?" At first, those words had made me freeze up, face burning red. But if I truly cared about Marco... Driven by such thoughts, one night, I finally worked up the courage to try. In my private room, holding thoughts of Marco in my heart, I fought through the embarrassment to explore my own body. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't feel any pleasure—only sadness remained. After several attempts, I resigned myself to the fact that this just wasn't for me. A deep sigh dissolved into the steam. When I returned to the room, Marco had fallen asleep with his book open. He must have been waiting for me. But today had started with early morning sailing before reaching this island. The afternoon's errands had worn him out. I gently removed the book and placed it by his pillow. His usually dignified features looked as soft as a boy's in sleep. This was a rare vulnerable moment for the man who always looked after me. "...I'm sorry." I whispered, touching his shoulder. His body heat felt pleasant. As I slowly covered him with the blanket, I rested my hand on his strong back. Marco had business tomorrow too. How should I spend my time on this island we hadn't visited in so long? Maybe I'd buy some books. Or perhaps explore the port town's market. It would be nice to find a shop he'd like. As I pondered, my eyelids grew heavy. When I lay down, Marco's warmth enveloped me comfortably. Just before falling asleep, he rolled over, his large arm naturally drawing me close. That unconscious gesture melted my heart with warmth. "Good night." My whispered words disappeared into the quiet room's air. Outside the window, the port town's lights twinkled in the distance. With peaceful thoughts, we sank into deep sleep.

◇

As gentle sunlight through the thin curtains gradually colored the room, my drowsy consciousness slowly surfaced. The warmth beside me was already gone, replaced by the soft rustle of clothing. Opening my eyes, I found Marco by the bed, buttoning his open shirt. His sun-kissed, healthy skin gleamed in the morning light. "You're awake?" At his usual gentle voice, I gave a small nod. Still wrapped in the soft touch of the sheets, I tried to sit up. Marco approached, his large hand tenderly stroking my hair. The warmth from his fingertips gradually awakened my sleepy consciousness. "Crazy bed head." With a chuckle, he carefully fixed my disheveled bangs. "Mmm, still sleepy..." When I murmured childishly, Marco pressed his lips to my forehead. "I've got to head out now-yoi. Sorry I can't keep you company today." His fingers buttoning his shirt showed traces of reluctance. Through the open collar, part of his beautiful tattoo caught the morning light. "Let me make it up to you tomorrow." "Okay..." As I responded, still in a dreamy morning haze, he came back to my bedside. "I know you know this, but stay off the back streets. And..." Marco nodded toward my bag. "Keep the baby Den Den Mushi with you at all times." I remembered the adorable little creature that could fit in my palm, which he had bought for me during our voyage several months ago. I recalled his shy profile when he handed it to me, saying, "For when we want to hear each other's voices." "Don't worry, I always have it with me." When I responded with a smile, Marco seemed satisfied and kissed my lips. "I'll call you later-yoi." "Yeah. Be careful." I watched his retreating back as he raised his hand in a small wave. With the sound of the closing door, morning silence filled the room. I slowly rose from the bed and began choosing clothes for the day by the window. Through the gap in the curtains drifted the morning air of the port town, carrying the scent of the sea.

Chapter : 01 02 03 04 +Extra

[kotaro-yumekuma]

Timeout #05 : Where the Rain Ends

onsciousness drifted in deep darkness. From somewhere far away, a faint sound echoed. Regular electronic beeps parted the darkness of my consciousness. My heavy eyelids opened slightly. White, hazy light flooded my vision. Something wavered irregularly within it. Eventually, a single silhouette emerged. Silver eyes like quicksilver gazed down at me. (Law...?) "...Hey."

His voice seemed distant, as if coming from underwater. In my blurred vision, the world gradually regained its shape. Amid the scent of disinfectant, a pale ceiling emerged. (Our... hospital? Why...?) As consciousness pulled back to reality, memories began emerging from the fog. On the rain-soaked night road, I had been desperate. Wanting to apologize to him. A memory like a flash of light raced through my mind. The phone slipping from my hand. And then, blindingly bright headlights—. (Ah... I was hit by a car) With that realization, my surroundings became clearer. At my feet, several white-coated figures moved busily. Turning my heavy head, I saw the nurses' hands stained with vivid red. Strangely, there was no pain. That incongruity only heightened my anxiety. I returned my gaze to Law. His usually expressionless face revealed nothing. Yet now he seemed to be carrying something heavy.

"La..." As I forced out a hoarse voice, he quietly leaned in and reached for my oxygen mask. After showing a moment's hesitation, he gently removed it. "Am I... going to die?" Law's expression remained perfectly still. "...No missing limbs, and all organs intact," he stated matter-of-factly. His usual curt tone. But the "however..." that followed left an ominous resonance. Only the regular beeping of monitors marked the heavy silence. "There's a lot of bleeding. Femoral artery is damaged." Feeling even the muscles needed to smile were heavy, I lowered my eyes. Noticing something odd about my arm, I looked to find the skin around my IV had turned blue. "Doctor, peripheral pulses are weakening." Someone's voice echoed distantly. "Get another large-bore line. Now." Law's voice began showing slight tension. New footsteps echoed in the emergency room as a young nurse rushed over. She whispered in Law's ear. "There's no surgeon available for immediate operation..." I couldn't clearly understand how dangerous my condition was. But the expressions and movements of the surrounding staff told the story. This was clearly a race against time. Naturally, my thoughts turned to one person.

"What about Marco...?" "The doctor is in another surgery now..." The nurse's words trailed off. "Once he finishes there, perhaps—" "No. Don't tell him," Law cut off her words instantly. "...She's his lover." Those words made the air in the room heavy. At this hospital, operating on family members was strictly forbidden. Even the most level-headed person could make errors in judgment. Fighting the pain shooting through my left arm, I forced out words. "Law, please. Just for a moment... let me see Marco. ...I need to apologize." If I lost consciousness now, I might never wake again. This would be my final selfish request. Law narrowed his eyes, slowly scanning the room. Everyone held their breath. After exhaling deeply, he quietly met my gaze. "Yeah, alright. ...You can apologize all you want later." Before I could understand the meaning of his words, he announced: "I'll do the surgery." The already heavy air now froze. But Law continued without concern. "Among the doctors available now, I'm the best after him. ...Do you trust me?" His large hand rested on my shoulder. That steady warmth spread a strange sense of security. I found myself nodding unconsciously. "B-but we can't let a resident perform surgery—" When someone weakly cited regulations, Law's expression transformed. Clear anger resided within his usual calm. "Is this really the time for that?" his lowered voice carried an intensity. "Just call whatever professor you need to technically be the surgeon of record. That's the best choice we have right now. I can suture vessels better than any of those doctors!" His words carried both pride in his accumulated experience and unwavering determination. "Are you telling me regulations matter more than saving a life?" Law's words cut through the air like a blade.

The hurried sounds of preparation grew distant. Staff movements and voices became hazy, moving away like waves. I could no longer tell what was happening. I only felt the sensation of the gurney sliding down the hallway. Fluorescent lights flickered overhead as they passed. My consciousness threatened to dissolve into the strange patterns they made. The temperature seemed to change. The operating room's characteristic cold air enveloped me. And there stood Law, now changed into surgical garb. "Will I... make it back alive?" My voice trembled. Though I trusted Law, I couldn't hide the surging anxiety and fear. He paused for a moment, knowing how I usually tried to act tough. His eyes above the mask held a gentle light I'd never seen before. "You just need to sleep." And then, in an unusually gentle voice: "I've got this." Just those words. But they carried a strength that reached deep into my heart. Prompted by the anesthesiologist, a clear mask quietly approached my mouth. A sweet scent began enveloping my consciousness. Just before falling into deep sleep, Marco's smile appeared in my mind. Then I let everything go. Into the white light beyond.

...Nothing was clear. My body felt light as cotton candy. Pain seemed like a distant memory. But there was one definite sensation. A gentle warmth that stayed in my hand. That alone was a certain presence Embracing me in this vague world. Light flickered and faded behind my eyelids. What it was, what time it was— Even thinking dissolved into the mist.

When consciousness gradually became clearer, the first thing I saw was a back silhouetted against the window. A figure in a white coat stood against the morning light. "..." Law turned at my hoarse attempt at speech. "Finally awake, huh?" His usual brusque tone. But something softer lurked beneath the surface. "...I'm alive." "Damn right you are." While checking the IV drip, Law continued. "Don't underestimate my skills." A hint of pride seeped through his matter-of-fact tone. "How long... since then?" "Third day. We kept the painkillers strong, so you'll probably still be foggy for a few hours." Law's name was listed as attending physician on the plate above. Among his usual efficient movements, today there seemed something unsettled. When I noticed that oddness in his manner, I suddenly remembered. "That's right... Marco?" The moment I spoke his name, Law's hands stopped. He furrowed his brow, showed an indescribable expression for a moment, then let out a deep sigh. "Tch... never thought I'd see that stoic bastard break down crying like that." It took a while for those words to sink in through my medication-hazed mind. Then suddenly, memory returned. That warm touch I had felt in that floating consciousness. My gaze naturally turned to the bedside. The hospital furniture should have been neatly arranged in its designated positions. But a folding chair alone remained, placed close to the bed as if standing guard. "...Was he here the whole time?" Law looked out the window with an annoyed expression. "Yeah. The nurses had to team up to finally force him home this morning. Stubborn idiot was about to collapse after consecutive night shifts, but he wouldn't leave your side." Those words squeezed my chest. Marco, always composed and dignified, had shed tears by my side. Just imagining that scene spread a warmth through my heart that was almost painful. Suddenly, various emotions burst forth like a broken dam. Relief at being alive. Tender feelings for Marco. And above all, gratitude to the person who had saved my life. I shook with sobs, not even trying to wipe the tears streaming down my cheeks. "H-hey! Not you too!" Law crossed his arms in evident panic. "Law, thank you so much... *sob*" When I suddenly hugged him, he hastily pushed me away. "You'll get snot on me! I just changed, dammit!" "But..." "You two are the absolute worst. Such a pain in my ass." His tone was pure Law. But definite relief showed in his eyes. After Law left, perhaps from the lingering anesthesia, I drifted back to sleep. Even in my dreams, his words echoed: "You can apologize all you want later." That promise warmed my heart with certain hope.

◇

One night passed after waking, and a quiet morning arrived. Morning mist wavered beyond the window, and birds began exchanging their wake-up calls. As the nurse who had finished the day's first temperature check was about to leave, the door quietly opened. "...Doctor." The nurse's tone made my heart leap. Tears blurred my vision for a moment. Looking up, Marco stood there. In casual clothes without a jacket, his shirt's top button undone. Several days' stubble and signs of exhaustion showed he hadn't slept at all. But his eyes held a definite light. Various emotions swirled in my chest. Apology. Gratitude. Love. The words I wanted to convey scattered into thousands, all important, none dispensable. Yet the words that rose to my throat were surprisingly brief. "...I'm back." In that moment, Marco's eyes wavered slightly. "...Yeah. Welcome back-yoi." He approached my bed and sat in the chair. "Welcome home." Marco gently brushed the hair from my shoulder. His fingers hesitated for a moment at my neck. He must have found traces of that night. "...I did something unforgivable..." Deep self-reproach showed in his eyes as he looked at me. But no. I wanted to tell him that night was already in the past. Slowly, I touched his hand. His large, warm hand, after a moment's hesitation, quietly enveloped mine.

(Ah, this is it)

That certain warmth I had felt in the depths of consciousness. The sensation in my memory overlapped with the warmth of this moment. For a while, we lost words. Just feeling each other's heartbeats through our joined hands. The morning sun began gently illuminating our silence. Taking a deep breath, I steeled my resolve. "I'm the one who needs to apologize." Marco quietly turned his gaze to me. "Not knowing your feelings... I said so many cruel things. I'm sorry." Choosing my words carefully, I continued. "But... don't compromise your principles as a doctor for my sake. Stay on the front lines, be the Marco who fights." I cut off there, lowering my gaze. In my heart, I prepared myself that this might truly be our final parting. Even now, I loved him from the bottom of my heart. But as long as Marco continued to face medicine sincerely, I had no right to stay by his side—.

"Who said I compromised anything-yoi?" At his unexpected tone, I looked up. Deep affection showed in Marco's expression. "...True. Before, I was desperate to see as many patients as possible." Marco turned to face me fully. "But watching the psychology team... watching you work, I realized something important-yoi." The morning mist quietly cleared by the window. "There's a limit to how many lives one doctor can save. But by training the next generation, building a strong team, we can save many times more lives. You taught me that-yoi." He gently squeezed my hand. That hand held definite determination. "I haven't given up anything. Thanks to you, I found a new path. And..." A slight hesitation, as if searching for words. "From now on, I want to cherish our time together too-yoi." Hot tears ran down my cheeks. Marco's fingertips gently wiped them away. A warm, gentle gesture. "...If possible, I want to stay together forever-yoi." Cutting off there, Marco smiled awkwardly. A childlike, endearing expression. "Am I going to get rejected again?" Light from the window cast our shadows on the white wall. Those shadows overlapped, becoming one. I gripped Marco's hand again. No more hesitation. "...I want to stay by Marco's side forever too." He let out a relieved breath and gently brought my hand to his lips. That soft warmth spread from my fingertips to deep in my chest. Fingers rough from disinfectant. But to me, those hands were the most beloved in the world.

"You didn't sleep yesterday either, right? I'm fine now. Go home and rest today." I said, looking at his tired face. "Yeah-yoi. ...Seems you have a skilled attending physician anyway." Looking at the nameplate by the bed, Marco smiled, and I returned his smile. As he stood, a knock sounded and the door opened behind him. Law paused seeing us holding hands. As Marco left the room, he briefly placed his hand on Law's shoulder as they passed. At that gesture, Law's eyes widened slightly. Then slowly, his back straightened. Within his taut features dwelt a somewhat proud light. The corners of his firmly set lips lifted slightly. Morning light streaming through the window began dyeing the quiet hospital room golden.

Like that day's heavy rain was just a dream, the sky was perfectly clear.

Timeout ① A word meaning "time's up." No matter how precious something is, once you miss the chance and lose the timing, time stops. ② In medical settings, "Timeout" is an essential moment when all staff pause before surgery to confirm each other's roles and patient safety. Sometimes, it becomes a precious time for people to face each other deeply and understand one another.

[kotaro-yumekuma]

タイムアウト #04 : 壊すのも彼のもの、所有するのも彼のもの

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+18 / MDNI

彼の力に腕を押さえつけられ、抵抗は無駄になった。喉元までこみ上げてきた悲鳴は闇に溶け込み、抑え込まれ、静まり返った。マルコの目に宿るのは、歪んだ所有欲だけだった。 「やめて…」 虚空へと消え去る嘆願。頭上に拘束された腕は、私の自由と抵抗の手段を奪い去った。かつて安らぎを与えてくれた柔らかなソファは、今や冷たく背中に押し付けられていた。暗い影が私を包み込み、逃げ場はなかった。 マルコの指が首から胸へと伸びていく。その動きの一つ一つが、まるで何かの痕跡を探し求めるかのように、執拗な探究心を露わにしていた。

「…彼は君をかなり気にかけているようだな、ヨイ」 彼の嗄れた声には嫉妬が渦巻いていた。 「もう、ドクターマンとはお別れしたんじゃないのか？」 彼の言葉を理解し、心臓が高鳴った。 「そんな…」 私の否定は、彼の荒い呼吸にかき消された。突然、彼は私の顎を乱暴に掴み、顔を無理やり持ち上げた。彼のキスは歯がぶつかり合うほど激しく、頭を押さえつけたまま容赦なく舌が侵入してきた。 開いた唇の間の銀色の糸を、まるで獣のような仕草で舐め取った。 「お前が誰のものか教えてやろう――ヨイ」 熱い息が首筋に降りかかった。彼の痕跡は傷のように私の肌に刻み込まれた。服は肩から引き裂かれ、彼の奔放な指がその下の柔らかな膨らみを掴んだ。 「ああ…！」 私は現実から逃れようと目を閉じた。 「あ、違う…！ローと私の間には何も…」 …こんな状況で他の男の名前を出すのは、取り返しのつかない過ちだった。一瞬、すべての動きが止まり、鋭い痛みが首筋を貫いた。マルコの歯が深く食い込み、所有物であることを示していた。苦痛の叫びは、彼の所有欲をさらに煽るだけだった。

His hand on my chest began moving again. Despite my revulsion at his persistent caresses, sounds escaped my lips. He pinched my nipple through the fabric. "No, ah, ah…" Contrary to my words of rejection, pain and pleasure raced down my spine. When his fingers slipped beneath my underwear to touch bare skin, I nearly stopped breathing. "You don't want this? …Yet you're so hard here-yoi." His whisper in my ear made my whole body flush with shame. My former lover knew all my weak spots. "Stop… ah… nn…" "Seems you've gotten quite sensitive from sleeping with him-yoi." I desperately shook my head. "No! I haven't… nn… aah…" My denials transformed into broken gasps. My body arched under his relentless attention, losing all strength to resist. "Don't lie." "It's true… only you…" I clung to him with a pleading voice. Pressing my forehead against his chest, I continued begging with trembling words. The coldness of his shirt seeped into my heated skin.

"…" An unexpectedly long silence. Suddenly, the force holding me down relaxed, releasing my restrained wrists. As the weight lifted, a faint hope flickered in my chest. "Marco…?" Just as I tried to sit up. The sound of a belt buckle being undone sliced through the darkness. Understanding its meaning, all blood drained from my body. "No… wait…" I forced out a hoarse whisper. Looking up, I met eyes that had completely lost the light of reason. As his fingers moved to his pants fastening, my last hope shattered. He grabbed my hips as I tried to retreat, pulling me closer. My skirt was roughly pushed up, cold fingers climbing my thighs. "Ah… no!" Despite my trembling voice, his fingers reached my underwear, catching the edge. As the fabric slowly shifted aside, my breath caught. "Ma…rco… plea-" The words died in my throat. His heat pressed into my still-dry entrance. The tearing pain left me voiceless. My mouth opened wide, gasping for air. Large tears fell from my eyes. My body convulsed, trying to reject him. Yet he pushed mercilessly deeper, making my back arch sharply.

…This must be a dream. Yes, surely just a bad dream. But every sensation was vivid and real. Rough breathing echoed in my ear, his weight crushing my chest. My heart, my soul, being deeply wounded. My nails dug into his arms as I clung to him. I could feel something irreplaceable being irrevocably broken. I could only endure the pain and pray for this time to end quickly. The shadows on the wall swayed irregularly. Each time Marco moved above me, the sofa creaked. Mixed with that sound, gradually emerged the wet sounds of our connection. "…Getting wet? In this situation-yoi?" His scornful voice filled me with shame and humiliation. Self-loathing welled up as my body responded against my will. Even biting my lips couldn't stop the sounds escaping. "Ah, aah… nn…" Pain had begun mixing with pleasure without my realizing. Each rough thrust mercilessly stimulated my inside, gradually drawing out more wetness. My body accepted him each time, drawing out more pleasure.

"Fuah, ah, nn, ah… nngh…" There was no trace of the man who used to smile gently while caring for me. The man before me now thrust coldly, violently, mercilessly. "Hyah, ah, ah, I'm… nng, ah ah, aaah…" Drowning in the surging pleasure, my vision blurred. Just as consciousness began to fade, a sharp impact struck from behind. …Marco's palm had struck my bottom. "Don't come on your own-yoi. We're just getting started." My consciousness, with nowhere to escape, was dragged back to the painful reality. New pleasure held back my body seeking release. "Hiah, stop… ah, aahn, still, coming, from before…" He continued relentlessly stimulating precise spots as if my voice couldn't reach him at all. "Marco, please, no, no more, I don't want to come anymore…" My desperate pleas didn't even ripple in the silence, absorbed into the cold, deep darkness and disappearing without a sound.

How many times had I climaxed? I couldn't even tell if the liquid wetting my face was tears or sweat. Marco continued shaking me without rest. Each time consciousness threatened to fly away with pleasure, the dry pain on my bottom called me back. Our fluids overflowing from our connection had soaked the sofa, now grown cold. Finally, his movements began to grow gentler. "Nn…" Seeing his expression of pleasure with closed eyes, I understood its meaning. In that moment, realizing he wasn't wearing protection, terror ran through my entire body. "Wa… wait, Marco… no…" Though I knew I couldn't match his strength, I desperately pushed against his chest. His arms wrapped around my back, gathering my twisting arms and upper body, holding me tight. "It's your fault… for trying to leave me-yoi…" "Stop, no… anything but that… please… aah!" "Nng…" The merciless final thrust came. Marco's shoulders trembled as he let out a hot breath. "…no, ah…" Still pressed deep inside. A hot sensation spreading in my lower abdomen, something I'd never felt before. Pull out, quickly-. I wanted to say it, but my widely opened lips only trembled, no voice emerging. Marco's lips pressed against my neck. He still swayed slightly, seeming to savor the afterglow. Each time that heat, still hard, moved inside me, another gentle, long climax arrived. "Ha, ah…" Despite my feelings of despair, my body joyfully accepted his released desire.

我に返ると、部屋は静寂に包まれていた。月明かりに照らされた床には、破れたブラウスが散らばり、ボタンが冷たく光っていた。どこか遠くでマルコがじっと立っているのが感じられた。 震える手で膝を胸に抱え、ソファの隅に小さく身を寄せた。乾きかけの汗が肌を冷たくした。 クローゼットから何かが取り出される音が聞こえ、柔らかな布地が私の傍らに投げ出された。 彼のジャケット。かつて安らぎを与えてくれた香りが、今、吐き気を催すほどだった。 下腹部は熱く脈打ち、内腿は湿って温かかった。立ち上がろうとすると膝が震え、よろめいた。鏡に映る首筋には、凶暴な憑依の痕跡が刻まれていた。口元に手を当て、こみ上げてくる嗚咽を必死に抑えた。 「あの…」 目が熱くな��た。これが二人で過ごす最後の夜だと悟った時、涙が静かにこぼれた。 外では月が雲に隠れ、部屋はより深い闇に包まれていた。マルコは窓辺に立って、外をじっと見つめていた。かつて安らぎを与えてくれたあの背中は、今や私を恐怖で満たすだけだった。 長い沈黙を破り、マルコの嗄れた声が響いた。彼は両手で顔を覆い、額を壁に寄せた。 「君を大切にしようとすればするほど、傷つけるばかりだ…」 彼の言葉は、まるで遠くからのように耳に届いた。 まだふらふらのまま、私はブラウスを手に取った。震える指で残りのボタンを留め、バッグを掴んだ。 「待って、タクシーを呼んで…よぉ…」 「触らないで！」 マルコが手を伸ばしてきた時、思わず叫んだ。私の声に彼は凍りついた。 私は部屋から逃げ出した。マルコが背後で何か言いかけたような気がした。しかし、もう聞く勇気はなかった。エレベーターのドアが閉まるまで、震えは止まらなかった。 まだ賑やかな夜の通りを歩きながら、私は自分をぎゅっと抱きしめた。冷たい夜風が頬を撫でた。それでも、体の芯は異様に熱かった。 通り過ぎる人々の視線は、傷ついた私を見透かしているように感じた。慌てて襟を立て直し、駅へと急いだ。

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早朝の病院には、雨音だけが響いていた。 家で巻いていた包帯の上から、制服のボタンを一つ多く留めた。鏡に映る自分の姿を確認し、自然な角度に調整する。見慣れた顔が、今は他人の顔に見えた。深呼吸をして白衣を羽織る。 「大丈夫ですか？顔色が悪いですね…」 「ええ、よく眠れなかったんです」 受付の心配そうな声に、無理やり笑顔を返した。その優しさに、胸が締め付けられる思いだった。 カウンセリングの間、私は意識的に人の視線を避けていた。誰かの心の傷に耳を傾けるたびに、私の傷も痛みました。

どんよりとした灰色の空が夕闇に沈む中、休憩室の窓を叩く雨音は昼間とは違った響きを帯びていた。 「会議資料を月ごとに仕分けてくれ」 ローの声は深い霧の向こうから、遠く、不明瞭に聞こえてきた。 「おい、聞いてるか？」 「ああ、失礼…今何だった？」 ローは軽く舌打ちをし、眉をひそめた。長時間の緊張で緊張していた意識が、この時間になってようやく解け始めた。私たちは、先輩たちに押し付けられた雑務を二人でこなしていた。 「ぼーっとするのはやめてくれ。とりあえずお前の分は俺がやる」 ため息をつき、ローは目の前のファイルに手を伸ばした。彼の大きな手が視界に入った瞬間、昨晩のマルコの感触が蘇り、思わず後ずさりした。 「…！」 私の小さな叫び声に、ローの動きが止まった。鋭い視線が私の様子を伺っていた。 「どうしたんだ？今日は様子がおかしいな…」 突然の沈黙に不思議そうに顔を上げると、彼の視線が私の首筋に釘付けになっていることに気づいた。 「首、どうしたの？」 反射的に包帯を押さえた。心臓がドキドキし、手がかすかに震えた。 「…何でもないわ」 必死に平静を装おうとしたが、不自然な声になってしまった。ゆっくりと立ち上がる彼の表情は暗くなった。部屋の空気はたちまち緊張に包まれた。ローは静かに休憩室のドアまで歩み寄り、鍵を回した。 「見せて」 抵抗する私の手を、優しくも確かな力で押さえつけた。包帯を外すと、紫色に腫れ上がり、歯形がついた痣が露わになった。蛍光灯が容赦なく傷跡を照らし出した。 重苦しい沈黙が訪れた。彼の視線に耐えかね、私は机の上の書類に目を落とした。白いシーツに涙がゆっくりと染みを作っていく。 「もうマルコの言うことがわからない…」 震える手で顔を覆い、声を抑えた。休憩室の静寂が、私の嗚咽をより一層際立たせた。外で聞こえるのは雨音だけだった。 「君たち二人の関係がここまで悪化していたとは知らなかったよ…」 ローは深くため息をついて、私の隣に座った。

「実は、君に隠していたことがあるんだ」 彼の声には、いつもと違うためらいがちに響いた。 「最近、彼が前より忙しくなったことに気づいたかい？」 確かに。ここ数ヶ月、マルコは付き合い始めた頃よりも仕事に没頭していた。それが、私が関係を終わらせようと決めた理由の一つだった。 私が軽く頷くと、ローは雨に濡れた窓の外を見つめながら続けた。 「彼は第一線から退くことにしたんだ。しばらく前から、部署との調整を進めていたんだ」 「どういう意味だ…」 私の困惑した質問に、ローは言葉を選ぶかのように、しばらく沈黙した。 「ある日突然、教育関係の仕事に異動すると言い出したんだ。これまで避けてきた政治の仕事、旧勢力とのやり取り、あらゆることを引き受けるようになったんだ」 その言葉の重みが、ゆっくりと胸にしみ込んできた。 「君と付き合い始めたからだと、すぐに分かったよ」 ローの声はどこか虚ろだった。雨に濡れた窓に、彼の憂鬱そうな横顔が映っていた。 「でも、あの体制に媚びることなく最前線で戦っていた彼の姿には感心したよ。正直、がっかりしたよ」 彼の告白に、私は息を呑んだ。 「だから、君が別れたと聞いた時、正直言って『よかった』と思ったんだ。彼が戦場に戻ってきてくれたんだ」 ローは私の肩に手を置いた。温かかった。 「…今まで言わなくてごめんね」 「マルコは…何も言ってくれなかった」 その時、記憶がよぎった。結婚記念日の翌日、マルコが何かを言おうとした時の表情。私は耳を傾けようともしなかった。 休憩室の窓から差し込む街灯が、小さな光の粒のように頬を伝う涙を照らしていた。

「どうしよう？私は彼に酷い仕打ちをした…」 その瞬間、すべてが明らかになったように思えた。マルコの最近の疲れ切った表情。休日のオンコール対応の増加。増え続ける会議。すべては私のため。私たちの未来のために、彼は理想を捨て、より安定した道を選んだ。そして、私は彼の意図に全く気づいていなかった。 今まで見えなかった景色が、突然色を取り戻したようだった。胸の奥で何かが、かすかに音を立てて崩れ落ちた。 「今、ちゃんと話したら、元通りに戻れると思う？」 「わからないよ」 慰めの言葉はなかった。彼らしい返事だった。でも、なぜか、そのぶっきらぼうさの方が心に響いた。 「とにかく、この忙しい仕事は私がやるから、今日はもう帰って。寝不足だろう？」 「……ありがとう、ロー」「 ん」 涙を拭いて立ち上がった。今、できるだけ早くマルコに会いたかった。

I headed to the ER, carrying hope. When I asked a nurse about Marco's whereabouts, they said he was in emergency surgery. I'd have to give up for today. But I wasn't running away anymore. I wanted to talk to Marco. That feeling alone swelled in my chest. With a deep sigh, I left the hospital. The night had deepened, and the rain grew even fiercer.

While holding my umbrella, I took out my smartphone. Without hesitation, I dialed Marco's number. As usual, his voicemail answered. But tonight, I couldn't just hang up. "It's me... Um, there's something I need to tell Marco..." My words nearly drowned in the rain. The sound of rain hitting my umbrella was so loud, I wondered if my voice would reach him. But I couldn't wait any longer. I desperately wanted to see him and apologize. With trembling fingers gripping my phone, I searched desperately for words. ...Rainy days meant more emergency room visits. Slippery footing, poor visibility. That's when accidents happened most. That's why I hated rainy days. Because I couldn't reach Marco then. I should have known better, but on this day particularly, I let my guard down. The only crosswalk without signals between the station and home. The poor visibility that would normally make me cautious didn't matter now. My head was full of Marco. What to tell him consumed all my attention. That's when, right beside me, came the deafening sound of brakes. ...As I reflexively turned, blinding headlights filled my vision. My phone slipped from my hand, shattering on the rain-wet ground. And in the next moment, the world turned pure white. The rain continued to fall.

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[kotaro-yumekuma]

タイムアウト #03 : 彼の目に宿る闇

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In the early morning office, as dawn painted the windows, I reflected on the past weekend. Though I should have felt crushed by loneliness, it had been surprisingly normal. Perhaps that wasn't so strange - even during our year together, the weekends I'd actually spent with Marco were few enough to count. Saturday was lunch with friends. Sunday, shopping in the city, then watching a movie alone at night. Quiet moments undisturbed by anyone - a small comfort I allowed myself.

Just as I reached for the elevator button, the doors opened. Law stood alone inside, feigning disinterest while staring at the floor numbers. When I hesitated, he just jerked his chin. After a moment of silence, he suddenly turned to face me. "So, what did you think of my surgery the other day?" His usually sharp expression had softened into one of expectation. "Yes, yes, it was impressive... I have to admit, I saw you differently after that." Despite my teasing tone, I meant it sincerely. He snorted in satisfaction, shoulders relaxing. "Of course." His shadow on the wall seemed to stretch proudly. Seeing his expression, I let slip: "...Marco came to watch for a bit too, you know." "What?" His satisfied expression froze instantly. His crossed arms tensed as his eyes darted nervously. "Damn it, I knew he'd have it out for me." His genuine concern about being marked for death made me want to burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" "It's just..." I tried to steady my breathing between shoulder shakes. "He's not going to target you just because you helped treat a scrape." "Ugh..." Law pressed a hand to his forehead with a long sigh. "You don't understand how men think." "...No, I don't. I never understood what Marco was thinking either." Something welled up in my chest. He adjusted his crossed arms, leaning back against the wall. "The last thing I need is him thinking I'm making moves on someone like you." Again with his deliberately provocative way of speaking. "Well, I'm not interested in gloomy guys like you either." "H-hey, I'm just quiet at work!" "Ow!" He pinched my cheek hard, then seemed to panic at his own action and shoved his hands in his pockets. "...Hey." His voice suddenly grew quiet. "What?" "...Did he... say anything? About my surgery?" His anxious voice and profile struck me as oddly amusing. "Hehe, he praised you. But said there was still hesitation in your movements-yoi." The moment I repeated Marco's words, Law's face turned bright red. "Well of course compared to him, anyone would...!" His desperate defense of himself to the absent Marco almost made me laugh out loud. Finally, the chime announced our floor, and we naturally drew apart. "...See ya." With that curt farewell, Law headed off in the opposite direction. Acting indifferent while clearly caring about Marco's evaluation - another unexpected side of him. Hiding my smile behind my hand, I headed to my first counseling session.

Monday afternoons were always quiet in the ward. Only occasional voices from the nurses' station broke the silence. Nurses changing IVs, receptionists announcing visiting hours - I had become part of this rhythm of overlapping routines. Relief from finishing the morning's work slowly spread through my body. Carrying files, I headed for the records room. The corridor ahead was empty, only my footsteps echoing in the space. Beyond lay the records room, with its neat rows of grey shelves holding countless medical records. Just as I reached for the doorknob, a strong force pressed against my back. Before I could cry out, I was pushed into the darkness. "!" Before I could even recognize the figure before me, I knew who it was. That familiar scent mixed with soap. The sure touch of the arm on my shoulder. "Mar-" As I started to say his name, he pulled me into a tight embrace. His burning warmth enveloped me. In the silence where time seemed to stop, I was lost in confusion. Such impulsive behavior was unlike him. The footsteps and voices from the hallway seemed to fade into another world. Even when we were dating, he'd never shown such behavior in the hospital. Yet now, in this moment... In the dim room, I couldn't see his expression. "...Just for a moment." His hoarse whisper by my ear, the pain in his voice, made my chest tighten. "Let me hold you like this-yoi." Something wavered inside me. But. "Stop." I desperately tried to break free of his arms. I couldn't let myself be swept away. Past and present blurred together, distorting my vision. "Let go. Please." He held me tighter, but I kept shaking my head. "Marco! That's enough. We're already..." With all my strength, I pushed him away and lunged for the door. My trembling fingers opened it, and I fled without looking back. I walked blindly until I found myself on a different floor. I tried to steady my breathing. Though my heartbeat had calmed somewhat, my body wouldn't stop shaking. The feeling of his arms remained burned into my skin.

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After that day, it felt like all color had drained from the world. When we passed in the halls, Marco and I no longer made eye contact. His gaze was already turned elsewhere before I could look at him. Finally, I realized he had accepted our breakup. Still, I couldn't help worrying about him. Marco seemed off lately. His usually crisp white coat was wrinkled, and he'd started coming in unshaven. The change in his typically meticulous appearance pained my heart. "The doctor's been sleeping in the on-call room for days." "Someone should tell him to go home..." I stopped at the nurses' whispered conversations. He'd always been devoted to work, but this was different. He seemed to be driving himself to exhaustion, as if running from something. After outpatient hours ended, during the handover to night shift. In the quieting ward, I stopped by the break room to make coffee. Footsteps approached from behind. I turned to find two colleagues with meaningful expressions. "Hey, are you dating that cardiac surgeon now?" The unexpected question made me choke on my hot coffee. "*cough*... W-what? You mean Law?" My two peers leaned in like reporters with a scoop. The day's fatigue hit me all at once. One narrowed her already thin eyes further. "Word is you even went to watch his surgery." "Moving on pretty quick after Dr. Marco, aren't you?" The other added. Marco's name still had the power to shake my heart deeply. Their sarcastic words cut like sharp blades now. "How rude! We're just colleagues!" My voice rose involuntarily, echoing in the small break room. "Oh, boring." "So why did you and Dr. Marco break up anyway?" I set down my cup and sighed. "...It was obvious, really. He was too busy." "Well, yeah... But isn't the cardiac surgeon pretty busy too?" "Enough! I told you it's not like that with Law!" My voice grew stronger in response to their persistence. "...I'm done with doctors anyway. They're all selfish, without a shred of consideration for their partners." I spat out the words and left the break room. But in that moment, time seemed to freeze. A little way down the hall stood Marco, unusually early to leave the hospital. Just before we passed, our eyes met for a fraction of a second through his glasses. But he looked away immediately, as if I didn't exist at all. There was an intentional coldness in the gesture. As his footsteps faded away, his shadow in the hallway gradually dimmed. "Oh no... do you think he heard...?" My colleague's trembling voice. They awkwardly left, but I remained rooted to the spot. Night shift nurses passed by. The calls announcing shift change and the sounds of chart handovers seemed distant. Only the sharp smell of disinfectant felt unusually vivid. Remembering I needed to change clothes, I headed for the locker room.

Opening my locker door, I reached for my casual clothes and bag hanging inside. With a heavy heart, I stared at my clothes for a while before finally starting to change. Marco's cold profile from earlier was still burned into my mind. "Poor Dr. Marco..." Suddenly, nurses' whispered voices drifted from the other side of the lockers. I found myself listening. "That traffic accident last weekend, I heard he was in charge. Eight hours of surgery..." "Neither of them made it, right? Elementary school siblings..." My fingers, reaching for my uniform buttons, froze in mid-air. Only the clock's ticking marked the silence. The sound seemed clearer than ever before. My own heartbeat grew faster and louder. (Could it be, that day-) Memories came rushing back. His desperate manner when he held me in the storage room. After hours of surgery, with an exhausted body. Still carrying the weight of the lives he couldn't save. He had come to me right after that. The meaning behind that embrace was now painfully clear. ...Even Marco couldn't save every life. The image of him bowing deeply before the bereaved family. The department heads dodging responsibility, criticizing him as if looking for faults. And above all, the weight of those lives he couldn't save despite his best efforts, crushing his shoulders. I had witnessed this scene many times before. That day, he must have wanted someone - wanted me - to understand that unbearable pain. The memory of my trembling fingers touching his back now stabbed at my heart. Yet I had thrown cruel words at him, swept up in mere gossip. That realization pierced through me like ice. I braced both hands against the locker, fighting a wave of dizziness. The regret and self-reproach welling up from deep inside made it hard just to stand. Outside the window, the sun was setting. My searching hand found a familiar touch in my bag. His house key, which I still hadn't returned, quietly asserted its presence in the dimness. The key I'd hesitated to return since our breakup. Its cold touch birthed a resolution. I didn't plan to get back together. But right now, he needed someone by his side. At this hour, in that room, was he trying to bear everything alone? I quickly finished getting ready, grabbed my bag, and took a deep breath.

The road I'd walked countless times this past year. Crossing the traffic light, turning the corner, Marco's apartment building rose against the night sky. Among the scattered lit windows, his top floor apartment remained dark. Passing through the familiar security door, I took the elevator. The sterile hallway lights quietly stretched my shadow. I stopped at his door. My trembling hand reached for the intercom, but there was no response. Even after pressing again, the apartment remained silent. The key I'd taken from my bag grew heavier in my palm. After a moment's hesitation, I steeled myself and inserted it into the lock. The sound of turning the key seemed oddly loud. Opening the door revealed a spread of pitch darkness. The streetlight filtering through the windows faintly illuminated the outlines of familiar furniture. "Marco...?" I took a tentative step forward. The familiar smell of the apartment stirred memories. "Are you... here?" As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, the living room's contours became visible. There on the sofa sat a silent figure. Marco. He sat motionless, like a sculpture. On the table lay an untouched can of coffee. The sight made my chest tighten. "...Why are you here?" His low voice cut through the darkness. His tone made me shrink back. But I couldn't retreat now. "Um... I heard about it just now. About last weekend's accident." I forced out the words, choosing them carefully. "And earlier, I... I said such terrible things without thinking... I wanted to apologize..." My words trailed off. Marco remained silent. The silence, heavy and dark, swallowed my words. "I didn't understand your feelings. About work, about the patients. I was just thinking about my own loneliness..." An ambulance siren passed outside the window. Words caught in my throat until the sound faded away. Even after all I'd said, he wouldn't even turn to face me. Perhaps my voice could no longer reach him at all. "...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." Just as I turned to leave, Marco rose unsteadily from the sofa. His shadow swayed eerily like a ghost. Then he took one step, then another, toward me. My body wouldn't move. Though it was the familiar sight of him, somehow a deep fear began to take control of my entire body. "Ah...!" Before I could resist, he grabbed my wrist. Then pushed me down onto the sofa. My body sank into the soft backrest as his weight pressed down on me. Cold fingers traced from my neck to my collarbone. The touch made me tremble uncontrollably. His hand moved to my blouse front, and I caught my breath. "...What could you possibly understand about me?" His hoarse voice echoed in the darkness. His usual gentle demeanor had vanished, replaced by raw male anguish and desire. "Tell me." "N-no..." His hands moved to my buttons, ignoring my small cry. In what felt like an eternal moment, the fabric began to loosen. His face, illuminated by moonlight, slowly drew closer to mine. When our eyes met, my spine froze.

Those eyes were no longer the Marco I knew - they were filled with darkness.

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[kotaro-yumekuma]

Timeout #02 : Where Hearts Break and Mend.

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A week had nearly passed since I broke things off with Marco. His unread messages still lingered on my phone. Each time I saw his "We need to talk," my fingers would hover over the reply button before pulling away. Getting back together would only lead to the same heartache. The ER couldn't function without Marco. It was unfair of me to expect him to keep promises when he could be called in even on his days off. I had no right to complain. After all, I fell for someone who valued saving lives above all else.

"Hey, let's play tag next!" A small hand tugged at mine excitedly, pulling me from my thoughts. The young girl, who had just gotten her discharge date, had regained her vibrant energy. It was hard to believe this was the same child who had spent six months crying in her hospital bed. During counseling sessions, I liked to bring patients to this courtyard surrounded by hospital wings. The gentle sunlight helped soothe hearts confined to sterile spaces. "No running games. What if you fall?" "But I'm tired of hide and seek!" Her hand slipped from mine as she darted away. "Hey, wait!" I chased after her. Illness affects not just the body, but the spirit. Yet here she was, smiling enough to run around. Being able to witness each patient's emotional healing - this was why I took pride in my work. Even if I couldn't cure diseases like the doctors, I could help heal hearts. "Over here!" "Watch out for the-!" My warning came too late. My sudden movement threw me off balance. As my knee hit the ground, I heard the fabric of my lab coat tear. "Oh no! Are... are you okay?" Anxious footsteps approached. I quickly stood, smoothing my coat. "Hey now! No running off like that, okay?" I scolded her cheerfully while discreetly turning sideways. My knee throbbed sharply, but I forced myself not to show it. "I'm sorry..." I gently patted her downcast head. "Look, the flowers over there are blooming beautifully! Shall we go see?" I directed her attention to the colorful flower bed, distracting her from what had happened.

カウンセリングが終わると、足を引きずりながら更衣室へと急いだ。一歩ごとに膝に鈍い痛みが走った。 ドアを開けて誰もいないことを確認し、慎重にズボンを脱いだ。膝の擦り傷は予想以上に大きかった。この歳で子供のように転ぶなんて、と思わず笑ってしまった。湿らせたティッシュで傷口を拭き、着替えを取りにロッカーへ向かった。その時になって初めて、今日は替えのユニフォームを持ってきていないことに気づいた。ため息をつきながら、ズボンについた血痕を拭き取ろうと必死だった。今日はもう患者の診察の予定はない。気を付ければ何とか乗り切れるだろう。 残りの時間は会議でいっぱいで、机の上には山積みの書類が積み重なっている。今日は時間通りに帰るのは無理だった。

夕暮れが深まる頃、最後の打ち合わせを終え、凝り固まった首をマッサージしながら廊下を歩いていた。蛍光灯が床に奇妙に長い影を落としていた。 廊下の隅で、時間が止まったようだった。 白い廊下に白い人影が立っていた。マルコだ。腕に抱えられた分厚いファイルがかすかに揺れた。言葉にならない時間が、私たちの間に流れた。彼の顔に驚きの色が浮かんだが、私が先に反応してしまった。視線を床に落とし、急いで通り過ぎようとした。 「…足、どうしたんだ？」 背後から聞こえてきた低い声に、肩がぴくりと震えた。相変わらず鋭い。苦笑いが唇をよぎった。 「転んで膝を擦りむいただけ。自分で治療したから大丈夫」 足を引きずっているのを必死に隠そうと、無理やり普段通りの歩き方をしようとした。 「見せてくれ」 彼の足音が近づいてきて、思わず体が緊張した。 「え、本当に、大丈夫なの」 声を落ち着かせるのに苦労した。 「もしそこにゴミや細菌が残っていたら、感染したり傷が残ったりするかもしれない」 「…後で同僚に見てもらいます」 私は廊下の向こうに見える時計をちらりと見て、現実逃避をした。 「…今日は仕事が山積みなんです」 そう言って、私は踵を返した。誰もいない廊下に足音が響き渡る中、彼の視線が背中を突き刺すのをまだ感じていた。

心理学のオフィスに入ると、静寂が私を出迎えた。同僚たちが消し忘れたデスクランプがいくつか、寂しげな光を放っていた。普段は賑やかなオフィスも、この時間になると妙に寂しく感じられた。 今日の仕事量を確認すると、またため息が出た。 「よし、2時間…いや、1時間で終わらせる」 そう呟いて自分を励まし、座り始めたその時、ノックもせずにオフィスのドアが開いた。ローがいつものように退屈そうな表情で入ってきた。 「まだここにいるなんて珍しいな」と 彼は私の顔を見ながら言った。 「何か用事でも？」と、 そっけない返事が自然と漏れた。ローは物憂げにバインダーを掲げ、クリップが蛍光灯の光に当たった。 「ローテーションの書類…どこに入れればいい？」 「ああ、箱に入れておけばいい」 彼が何も言わずに去ろうとした時、私は思わず声をかけた。 「ねえ、ちょっと…怪我を診てもらえませんか？」 「え？…どこが痛いの？」 ローは振り返りながら、かすかに目を細めた。 「カウンセリング中に幼い患者さんと遊んでいて転んでしまったんです。自分で治療したんですが、傷が残るのが心配なんです。見てください」 私は破れたズボンを指差した。ローは明らかに困った顔をしたが、黙って隅にあった救急箱を取り出し、椅子を引いた。 一瞬の沈黙の後、私は凍りついた。助けを求めていたにもかかわらず、その後のことを考えていなかった。診察室の静寂が急に重苦しく感じられた。

「あの…ズボンを脱がないと…いけないんですか？」 自分の声が震えているのがわかった。 「…他にどうやって診ればいいんですか？」 ローの声には、諦めと疲労が入り混じっていた。そして、私の考えを察したのか、彼は大きくため息をついた。医師として毎日患者さんの体に接している私が、こんな些細なことでためらっていることに、彼は苛立っているのがわかった。 「いいか、君の下着姿を見る気はない。早くしてくれ。仕事があるんだ」 彼の苛立たしい話し方に思わず反論しそうになったが、言葉を飲み込んだ。 「いいよ、でも、向こう向いて…」 声に不安が忍び寄ってきた。立ち上がるのが妙に気恥ずかしかった。布が滑る音さえも大きく感じられた。慎みを保つため、急いでズボンを太ももに掛けた。 「よし、準備完了」 ローは椅子を回転させた。冷たい指が私の膝に触れ、傷を注意深く調べた。 「ただの擦り傷だ。大したことない」 軽くあしらった言葉とは裏腹に、彼の手つきは驚くほど優しかった。荒っぽい扱いを覚悟していたが、彼は丁寧に傷口を拭き、繊細なタッチでガーゼを当てた。彼の仕草には、普段の態度からは想像もつかない温かさが漂っていた。 「……何？」 ローは私の熱心な観察に気づき、疑わしげな表情を浮かべた。 「何でもないよ。君って結局、ちゃんとした医者なんだと思ってただけだよ」 「僕の手術を見るまで、 それは控えておいてくれ」「結構だ。血みどろのものは苦手なんだ」 「ERの方が血みどろだ。…心臓手術は芸術だ」 ローはニヤリと笑い、手際よく救急箱を片付けた。

「よし、できた。掻くな」 「ありがとう」 私が立ち上がろうとした途端、ローは突然凍りついた。まるで石になったかのようだった。困惑しながら、私は彼を見上げ、ドアの方を見つめる彼の視線を追った。 「え？どうしたの？」 振り返ると、息が止まった。 マルコが救急箱を手にドアの前に立っていた。強い蛍光灯の下、彼の目は一瞬の驚きの後、氷のように冷たく変わった。彼の視線は、救急箱を持ったローから、下着姿の私へとゆっくりと移った。沈黙の瞬間は永遠に感じられた。 「…邪魔してごめん」 そう言うと、彼は踵を返した。ドアが静かに閉まると、白衣がわずかに揺れた。 ローはしばらく立ち止まり、それからゆっくりと私の方を向いた。いつもの無頓着な態度は消え、いつになく真剣な表情になっていた。 「…これはまずいかもしれない」。 心臓が高鳴るのが不安を露わにし、私は深呼吸をした。そうだ、これは同僚同士の医療行為だ。マルコがどう思おうと、罪悪感を抱く必要はない。それに、私たちはもう… 「大丈夫。…もう別れたんだ」。 無理やり笑顔を作り、さりげなくズボンに手を伸ばした。 「バカ、心配してないよ！まさか、私に恨みでも抱いてるんじゃないよ？」 彼の予想外の言葉に、私は立ち止まった。 「え？部署が違うのに、どうしてマルコと付き合わなきゃいけないの？」 首を傾げながら、急いでズボンを履き直した。 「…私も時々救急室の手伝いに呼ばれることがあるの。…それで、彼の手術の手伝いをすることになるの」 「え？聞いたことないわ」 ふと、好奇心が湧いてきた。救急室にマルコがいるなんて、私の知らない世界だった。看護師たちは彼の指示をどう待ったのだろう？研修医たちは彼から何を学んだのだろう？普段は穏やかな彼の態度が、手術室に入ると冷酷なまでにプロフェッショナルに変わるという噂を、私は漠然と覚えていた。 「マ��コは手術中どんな感じ？厳しいの？」 「…以前は厳しかったんだけど。」 その言葉の意味を考える間もなく、ローは唐突に話題を変えた。 「明日の朝、冠動脈バイパス手術を受けるんだ。…もし暇なら見に来てくれ。」 そう言って、彼は部屋を出て行った。静かな診療室に夜の空気が満ちた。

◇

The next morning. My meetings finished earlier than expected. Looking at my schedule, I remembered Law's invitation from yesterday. (Might as well see how he works) Though I'd approached it casually, an odd tension crept into my chest as I climbed the stairs to the cardiac surgery ward. Hospital staff could observe operations freely unless specifically restricted. But clinical psychologists rarely set foot here. The surgical floor had a different atmosphere from the regular wards and offices. I walked down the corridor where even footsteps seemed muffled, filled with the scent of disinfectant. In the office, doctors and nurses in scrubs moved like precise gears in a machine. The whiteboard by the entrance displayed today's surgery schedule. I found Law's name and operating room. My hand hesitated on the observation room doorknob. Opening it slowly, I found several young medical students and two distinguished-looking senior doctors. One noticed me with surprise. "Oh, you're the psychologist..." "May I observe?" "Of course. You're just in time - the prep work is done, now comes the interesting part." Encouraged by his words, I approached the glass window overlooking the operating room. The surgical lights cast a bluish-white glow on the green scrubs. Though the masks should have made all faces look similar, Law's figure stood out strangely clearly. The exposed heart at the patient's chest made me catch my breath. The operating room was wrapped in silence, broken only by machine beeps and brief commands. Every staff member moved with precise efficiency. Though I couldn't understand what was happening, I found myself entranced by Law's confident movements. Suddenly, a small commotion arose behind me. Turning, I met Marco's eyes. Yesterday's scene flashed through my mind, making my heart leap. He showed a moment of surprise before his expression went blank, and he silently walked to stand beside me. The atmosphere in the observation room shifted the moment Marco appeared. The medical students tensed and whispered among themselves. "It's unusual to see you observing another department's surgery, sir." The doctor next to me nervously addressed Marco. "...Sometimes." Marco replied curtly, his gaze fixed on the operating room. His profile seemed to hold some emotion different from last night's coldness. Meanwhile, in the surgical field, Law had taken up his scalpel and was approaching the patient's thigh. (Wait, isn't this supposed to be heart surgery...?) As I leaned forward curiously, Marco's low voice explained: "He's harvesting a blood vessel to create the bypass-yoi." I peered through the glass at the surgery. The light focused more intensely on Law's hands. His right hand wielding the scalpel moved gracefully. His left hand with ultra-fine forceps delicately lifted a hair-thin blood vessel from between muscles, like drawing out a thread. "Wow, such a tiny vessel..." I couldn't help my amazed whisper. The doctor beside me smiled kindly. "He's very skilled. ...Even if his attitude needs work." This unexpected praise made me smile. The intense focus was completely different from his usual dismissive manner. Last night, beneath his characteristic complaints, his touch had been incredibly gentle. That duality shone brightest here in the operating room. "His technique is good. ...Though there's still some hesitation in his movements-yoi." The cool voice dropped suddenly from beside me. The tone made me straighten instinctively. Glancing sideways, I saw Marco observing the operation with one eyebrow raised, his sharp gaze evaluating the surgeon's skill.

We continued watching in silence. A heavy atmosphere that no one dared break dominated the observation room. The medical students held their breath, occasionally stealing glances at Marco. Eventually, as Law moved to the next phase, Marco slowly turned away. As the door closed quietly behind him and his presence faded, the doctors exhaled deeply as if released from pressure. "That was intense. ...What did he come to see?" The tension in the room gradually eased. "Marco... can he perform this surgery too?" I was surprised by my own question. The doctor smiled gently at me. "Of course. ER doctors need to handle all kinds of cases. In fact, there might not be any surgery he can't do." Those words settled heavily in my chest. In this world I didn't know, Marco was universally respected. It was a completely different side from the one I'd known as his girlfriend.

While lost in these thoughts, a voice announced the final sutures were complete. Law raised his arm as if wiping sweat from his surgical gown. Mid-gesture, his eyes flickered toward us. Despite the distance, I could clearly read his smug expression behind the mask.

That familiar mischievous grin seemed to say, "How was that?"

The operating room door closed, and the surgical lights dimmed. A brief silence fell before the next operation.

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[kotaro-yumekuma]

Timeout #01 : A Heavy Step, A Heavy Heart.

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In a world where saving lives comes first, love struggles to find its place. Amid the relentless pace of the ER, where time is a luxury few can afford, a psychologist and a doctor find themselves caught between their professions and their emotions. When misunderstandings, jealousy, and unspoken truths lead to heartbreak, they walk separate paths…

I walked through the hospital corridor, the harsh fluorescent lights casting their cold glow overhead. Each step felt heavier than the last, a dark weight growing in my chest. Outside the break room, I paused to take a deep breath. My reflection in the glass showed a face worn with fatigue, tear-stained cheeks, and dark circles under my eyes, my hair a disheveled mess.

"He should be here now..." With a whispered reassurance to myself, I pushed open the door. The rich aroma of spices greeted me. At the far table sat a man with messy jet-black hair, a small gold earring catching the light. His wild appearance seemed deliciously out of place in the sterile hospital environment. Law sat eating his curry lunch with his usual stoic expression. The afternoon sunlight filtered through the window, casting a gentle glow on his white coat draped carelessly over the sofa. "...Bad timing?" He didn't look up at my words. Stacks of paperwork surrounded his lunch - typical Law, working even during his break. Nobody else in the hospital dared approach him, but I knew better. Behind that cold exterior lay hidden traces of kindness. I was probably the only one who talked to him casually outside of work. I slipped into the chair across from him, fighting the urge to collapse onto the table. The wall clock's ticking echoed my pulse. "Hey, Law..." "Mm?" His curt reply came between bites. I drew another deep breath, my chest aching as I forced out the words. "...Marco and I broke up." Law's chopsticks paused mid-bite. "Oh?" His reaction was exactly what I'd expected. I wasn't looking for sympathy or comfort - I just needed someone to listen. I pressed on. "He never keeps our plans. Always canceling. Always 'Work is busy'..." The familiar pain washed over me as I remembered each time Marco's cancellation calls had turned my hopeful anticipation to cold disappointment. The feeling was still raw. "Last time, he got called away in the middle of a movie..." Law finally looked up, his mouth twisting into a sardonic smile. "Of course he did. He's the ace of the ER." He stated flatly, stirring his curry. The Emergency Room - the most demanding department in the hospital. Marco's chosen battlefield, where he strove to "save as many lives as possible." Those words that once touched my heart now felt like they belonged to another lifetime.

Last night, Marco had shown up three hours late for our one-year anniversary. The dinner I'd lovingly prepared sat cold and forlorn on the table. "I hate doctors! And I hate Marco!" My chest tightened remembering his expression when I screamed those words. But I'd been hurt too many times. Instead of listening to his usual excuses, I'd thrown him out, telling him never to come back.

"...I guess I was just convenient for him." At my whispered words, Law finally set down his spoon. "Hey." His irritated eyes fixed on me. "How many times did I warn you about hospital romances? ...Such a pain." His piercing gaze made me feel like a scolded child. Law heaved a deep sigh. "I know, but... you can't choose who you fall for. Even you, Law - if you found someone special, wouldn't you want to be with them regardless of who they were?" "...Don't be naive. Surgery residents don't have time for romance. The department heads keep us running ragged." He was a cardiac surgery resident. Though not as intense as the ER, his schedule was brutal too. Yet here he was, listening to my troubles. His kindness meant more than he knew. But his next words were merciless: "We surgeons live in a different world from you nine-to-five clinical psychologists." That comment made my blood boil. "What! That's professional discrimination. They covered this in sensitivity training!" Law glanced at my outburst before silently returning to his paperwork. Through the window, colorful flowers bloomed in the courtyard. Their vibrancy seemed jarringly out of place against our heavy conversation. "Just stay away from doctors... especially that one." Something in his tone caught my attention. Why single out Marco? Did Law know something? Anxiety stirred in my chest. "Why..." Just as the question formed on my lips, the door opened. Another staff member walked in. Reality crashed back mercilessly. I took a deep breath and stood. Though my heart was still in chaos, work waited for no one.

◇

The walk to the elevator hall felt endless. Time for afternoon patient visits. My steps were heavy, my mind foggy. As I approached, a familiar voice reached my ears. I stopped without thinking. There was Marco, laughing with a young nurse. Lately, I'd only seen him exhausted or apologetic when canceling plans. Yet here he was, flashing that brilliant smile - at another woman. My chest constricted painfully. I hated myself for feeling jealous after ending things. But I couldn't help it. I hurried past toward the emergency stairs. Five flights up. Though physically demanding, anything was better than being trapped in an elevator with him.

As I reached for the stairwell door, hurried footsteps approached from behind. That familiar voice called my name. Unable to ignore him, I took a steadying breath and turned, struggling to keep my expression neutral. ...That face again. The apologetic look he reserved just for me. As if I was always angry. As if I was always the difficult one. That expression twisted something in my chest. Though I'd ended things, he still affected me so deeply. I felt frustrated, hurt, and pathetically weak.

The elevator hall's noise faded away as Marco's words cut through the tension. "About yesterday... I'm sorry-yoi..." I stayed silent, hoping my quiet would convey that I wanted nothing more to do with him. Marco scratched his cheek awkwardly. "Let's talk properly." "...Talk? About what?" My voice came out cold. But that was fine. I couldn't handle any more pain. "I don't want it to end like this... I don't want to break up." A bitter laugh escaped me. "Talk? When? You're always buried in work. You've never really been present." "..." "I was just convenient, wasn't I? Someone to fool around with when you had time." "That's absolutely not true." I stepped back as he reached for my shoulder. "I have patients waiting." His next words stopped me as I turned to leave. "Wait, please. There's something I need to tell you." The intensity in his gaze made my heart flutter. I'd never seen him so serious. Thinking this might be my last chance, I turned back. Relief flooded his face as he closed his eyes briefly. Then, "I meant to tell you yesterday-yoi... I..." A harsh electronic beep cut through the air from his pocket. Marco's expression transformed - confusion, urgency, and something else I couldn't quite read. My heart went cold. "...Go on, then. Your emergency must be far more important than me, right?" I regretted the bitterness in my words immediately, but it was too late. Marco started to speak, then grimaced and pulled out his pager. "...What is it? ...Understood. I'll be right there." He sighed quietly. As I reached for the stairwell door, he called out hurriedly. "I'm sorry-yoi. Let me explain everything properly later." (*Later? When is later supposed to be?*) Too drained to respond, I stepped into the stairwell. As the door swung shut, I couldn't help glancing back, foolishly hoping he might still be watching. But all I saw was his back as he rushed toward the ER. In that moment, the distance between us felt vast and unbridgeable.

Five floors. With each step up, memories of Marco played through my mind like scenes from an old film. As I reached the final step, I felt warmth on my cheek. A tear I hadn't noticed falling caught the light as it landed on my hand.

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