kpdeek

[kpdeek]

Personal (PCOS)

I've been meaning to write a KP fanfic since before the show ended, I've had inspiration stirring nonstop since EP1. I thought with the amount of free time I'd have this Summer this would be something fun to put my time and energy into, a project I can utilize everything I've learned from all the wonderful people I've interacted with on here in one way or another, but July has officially become the month of declining health for me.

I literally never used to see my doctor, I never had reason to. And suddenly I'm seeing 3-4.

It's a bunch of minor things piled on each other to create one BIG thing, but the main concern weighing on me is that I apparently have PCOS. And one particularly large cyst on my right ovary has been a real burden. It feels like constant cramping near my right pelvis, throbbing, bloating, heavy. I'm trying to go about my days as normal as possible as I monitor this thing (because it's supposed to go away on its own. & if it doesn't, then I'll need a minor surgery to get it out). But the discomfort is so constant it's all I'm ever dialed in to. I can't enjoy the vacations I'm going on, or just day to day activities.

It's not an agonizing pain, more like a dull pain. After doing a lot of research and educating myself on PCOS and related issues (to the point I drove myself into a panic attack in the middle of a family road trip 🙃), I realize that the stage I'm currently in is nothing compared to how bad this might be (or get), so I'm trying not to psych myself out too much. And yet, I've cried for three nights straight.

The mind is a strange thing. On the one hand, I know this is relatively common with people who ovulate, and what I'm experiencing isn't anything deemed too serious. In fact, it's pretty normal. On the other hand, I can't believe I'm spending the one summer I chose not to work doctor hopping instead (and not in the fun sense), and that I might need to get surgery for the first time in my life.

If this is a normal cyst (just a bit too big for my doctors' liking), then the 'surgery' isn't anything too complex. But I still need to run a few more tests (while waiting to see if the darned thing will clear up on its own) before I even know if it's worth removing, or what it even contains. (Don't search up images of a teratoma. Just...dont).

In the meantime, my brain is supplying me with all the helpful (sarcastic) things I've learned throughout all this. Namely, if it shrinks, I'm good! If it doesn't, teeny tiny incisions to get it removed. And if the bitch grows, or spreads, or turns out to be endometriosis, this is God or the universe's karmic retribution for all the times I've said "I don't like kids" or "I don't want kids", & I might say bye bye to one or both of my ovaries soon, and the option to have kids will become difficult, or be taken away from me altogether.

You see how my brain turns something that isn't anything yet and freaks me the fuck out? This was me for three hours until I finally broke down on hour 4 of said road trip.

Anyway, I'm trying to process everything it is and might be, driving myself crazy as I do. I don't want to be pessimistic, but at the same time I know I shouldn't be too optimistic. I've talked to close friends and family about it, I am thinking a lot about it, and the next step is to write about it, because that's how I've always processed things and ultimately comforts me more than my circle's generic words of encouragement (though I know they mean well & aren't intentionally trying to downplay the physical & mental toll this has taken on me. And honestly, I think the mental is exacerbating the physical).

I'm still going to write that KP fanfic, dammit!!! but as I write primarily for myself, I'm not going to put a specific time frame on it. I'm just gonna go about it as I'm comfortable.

Ummm...yeah, so this isn't intended for people to feel bad for me, or share my story, or whatever. I'm not even exactly sure how bad this thing is, or if my overthinking is getting overdramatic. Sometimes I just feel better after releasing everything I've got pent up into the void, as if I'm finally letting go of a bit of what's burdening me so I can care about it a little less. But if anyone else has or is going through something similar and would like to share their experience, I'd love to hear from you. It'll be cool to connect with others who get what I'm going thru.

[kpdeek]

biblebuild from kinnporsche before the show

[kpdeek]

I feel like, in the midst of everyone marveling at Mile's chest (and we are so right to do so), we often forget his back. Can we talk about his back for a while? About this magnificent back that we do not see enough 😔

If i don't talk about it and i just show it, is it ok for you?

[kpdeek]

© sundaymilk | do not edit or crop logo

[kpdeek]

Why don't you stay?

When I think about Kim and Chay I cannot imagine any other possible ending than what the show gave us.

I know this will be an unpopular opinion but it is essentially so poetically beautiful and KP does like to play like this.

Their story starts and ends (temporarily) with a song. With Chay listening to Wik at the beginning and to Kim at the end using his song to get his feelings across.

And I know for a lot of people what Kim does is not enough.

What is the use of writing a song? Should he not be direct and confront Chay and tell him what he feels exactly? Should he not tell how sorry he is and apologize?

But that wouldn't be Kim, being direct and talking about his emotions is not his style.

But a song is perfect because Chay will understand, the point will get across.

Because Chay knows Wik and Kim, deep within his soul, all of it, the good and the bad. Because he saw the videos, he knows the songs, he remembers all of it.

And a conversation would not have the same effect.

Because you see, Chay knows about writing songs, he knows how hard a thing it is to do. He knows you can't write your heart out if you don't feel enough love that it's impossible to contain.

Because being inspired by someone, being creative because of someone is something he understands, he understands how the words won't come if your feelings are not enough and just how much it takes to bare yourself for the world to see.

Because in the end, what Kim is really doing is this: screaming out his love for the world to see.

And in the end what Chay sees is this, the spark he ignited in Kim produced this

A song just for him

An act of creation

A gift of inspiration

A labour of love

[kpdeek]

Hey here's a reminder that you're allowed to publish unfinished fics and snippets of fics that you're never going to continue and you're allowed to abandon WIPs and you're allowed to orphan unfinished fics and ficlet collections and you never have to finish a single fic if you don't want to.

And there will always be someone who reads that unfinished work and is happy with it and feels glad that they read it even if it's never continued.

[kpdeek]

no but like i’m SO serious about needing a scene in s2 where kim refrains from killing for chay. like we KNOW kim is the most ruthless of all of them, how he likes to use his hands bc gun violence is boring for him, etc etc. so it would just be SO interesting to see, at a point where him and chay are at a rocky place still, slowly starting to rebuild their footing and kim gets into a Typical Mafia Brawl™️ protecting chay and has already beaten one guy pretty bloody and is about to deliver a killing blow when you just hear “KIM!” in chay’s distraught voice. begging him not to kill the guy. and kim looks at chay, that crazy wild look in his eyes and just. softens. you see his internal debate between doing everything to takes to protect chay and making sure chay is okay. and slowly he lets the guy go, eyes still on chay, and said guy runs away scared out of his mind and grateful to have lived. and chay hugs him and thanks him for it

[kpdeek]

Chan, fed up: Who the hell decided I was the father figure around here?! Kim: Probably Korn.  Kinn: Honestly, I just assumed you lost a bet with Erika. Tankhun: And we all know Gun never should’ve been allowed to procreate. Porsche: Wait? You have kids? Chan: … Kim: … Kinn: … Tankhun: … Big, passing by: Hi daddy! Kim, whispering to Tankhun: Shit, Big’s gonna be in so much trouble… Kinn, fleeing the scene: I have to buy some stupidly rich trinklets. Later! Porsche, ever the idiot: Why didn’t anyone tell me Chan is Big’s father?!

[kpdeek]

“say the water's too rough / but i won't leave you when you're sinking”

[kpdeek]

New horny fear unlocked this morning….there’s been an awful lot of nipple licking in BL recently…and kinnporsche is already basically the Guns N’ Tiddies show…..much to consider

[kpdeek]

I’ve become skeptical of the unwritten rule that just because a boy and girl appear in the same feature, a romance must ensue. Rather, I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two mutually inspire each other to live—if I’m able to, then perhaps I’ll be closer to portraying a true expression of love.

Hayao Miyazaki on romance

[kpdeek]

Korn’s position is not stable at all

The thing which occurred to me during all this introspection about Porsche and his loyalties in my previous meta is that I and a lot of people in this fandom are being remiss in not trusting Kinn enough. He is the main piece and so far he has not openly declared which side his loyalties lie. And that is because no one is quite daring enough to challenge him and have him choose the other side.

Now that might at first sound like bad news for Porsche but it is quite frankly the exact opposite. Kinn starts the game firmly in Korn’s court and then starts oving towards Porsche’s side. Every time there is a conflict with Porsche, Kinn does exactly what Korn asks him to do. That changes in ep 7. Korn explicitly tells him to come back to his old self and Kinn does the exact opposite and entrenches himself more in his relationship with Porsche. That is the first time he disobeys. And that leads to an interesting shift in his and Korn’s interactions. Korn changes his entire approach to their relationship. He is neutral during the Tawan debacle, then reluctantly agreeing and then finally almost enthusiastically supportive. And this development is almost exactly proportionate to the deepening of Kinn and Porsche’s relationship. The more they love each other, the less Korn challenges Kinn to stand against Porsche. So while I believe he is using Kinn to control Porsche, he is also using Porsche to control Kinn.

Which brings me to the motive behind Korn and Porsche holding themselves back. While Porsche is doing this because he literally cannot bear to hurt Kinn, Korn is doing this because a status quo is the only way he can maintain his winning hand. Cuz let’s face it, when we imagine what could happen if Kinn is forced into such a situation where he has to choose between Korn and Porsche, Korn is the one who has a losing hand. In such a situation, if the truth is heinous enough, we know Kinn would not stop Porsche. Oh he would probably stop him from going to the extent of killing his father but he would not stand in the way of anything else. In that situation, Porsche could rightly demand justice or he could offer forgiveness, he could leave and take Kinn with him. Maybe he wouldn’t have a full win because Kinn would still be hurt but it would be a win nonetheless. But Korn on the other hand? Say Porsche exposes the truth - he would lose Kinn altogether. Say he turns Kinn against Porsche and tells him to eliminate him - there are two possibilities here, one, Kinn doesn’t (let’s face it, no one believes Kinn could actually shoot Porsche even in the face of an obvious betrayal), in which case Porsche wins and two, where Kinn does, in which case Porsche also wins albeit in a more tragic manner (because killing Porsche would completely destroy Kinn and Korn would be left with an unhinged, destroyed man as his heir, forever living in fear of Kinn discovering the truth).

So for Korn, it is of optimal importance that the balance be not upset at the moment which is why I believe he seemed so happy to see them so loved up at the end. He needs them to distract each other enough to not call him out on his bullshit because the moment one of them do, his house of cards are gonna come tumbling down. And if I were in Korn’s position, I would have realised how unstable this solution was. And I think he does realise that, which is why he blatantly endangers Kinn’s life like that. In fact, I think he is aiming to consolidate his powers through Kinn and Porsche and then take them out of the game and instate Kim as the final successor. Except he doesn’t realise that would never happen cuz -

a. Kim left this life behind voluntarily and he is onto Papa Korn.

b. It is obvious from even that 10 sec clip that he loves and cares about Kinn a lot.

c. this is after all the romance genre and he already has his destiny written out as malewife extraordinaire just like his brother and cousin.

[kpdeek]

@ellaspore, lemme' join you in this verbal vomit fest, shall I?

@liyazaki, I'm utterly blown away by this entire analysis, not only because you put into words why this show hasn't been able to leave my (and many other's) mind, not only because you so accurately described the feeling it left us with, but because you also got me thinking about the aftermath in ways that hadn't occurred to me before.

For the past week I've been wondering nonstop where the story could go from here, what direction they'll take it. But let me start with the part of your post that really got my synapses snapping:

we're well-aware that Korn is a master manipulator. he knows his sons' strengths and weaknesses like the back of his hand. what really makes Korn a force to be reckoned with is his patience. he's been using his knowledge of how to utilize his sons- like the tools I believe he sees them to be- for a very, very long time.

This brought to mind all the analyses that have been made regarding Kinn's capability of being a leader, and how Kim would be a better one if he hadn't essentially defected from the line of succession (unlike Prince Harry, however, his Person would be the reason he comes back). What I don't often see--and that may be due to faults of my own and the algorithm--is discourse on how Tankhun might have been an even BETTER leader than both Kinn and Kim. Since Korn has indeed been playing the long game, couldn't it then be said that he might have a hand in Khun's kidnappings?

We've seen that Khun is rational and logical when he wants to be. We've seen how perceptive he is when he asks Kim point blank whether he's at the main house to visit or spy. He looks after his babies as much as is within his capabilities. He also wasn't surprised to hear Kinn and Porsche were dating, but was more awestruck at the fact that Kinn had used the word "love". Other moments come to mind as well, but I don't want to get too longwinded. The point is, it aligns with Korn's game to put the son that's easier to influence in the position of power by making the rightful heir emotionally and mentally unfit to do so.

For the next few bits, I wanna' play devil's advocate, and I think what I'm gonna' say kinda' aligns with what @ellaspore says at the end of her reblog:

@liyazaki: there's also the issue of who Porsche is, and the question of if he did possess full autonomy here- i.e. if Korn wasn't making his moves for him from the shadows- would this be the choice he'd make? does it align with who he is- or, at least, with who he used to be?

Even though we've watched Porsche go from swindling street kid to soft boyfriend and lethal weapon, how is it that we--as viewers, not simply fans--can't agree on whether this decision was soundly made or not?

We can say he did it to stay beside Kinn, but I feel like that oversimplifies such a significant decision to make. Even though for the majority of the show Porsche has been an act-before-you-think kinda' person, imagine with me for a minute that this one decision, he did it with intent.

Porsche left the main family, quit his job as a bodyguard when the only inkling of truth he had was that the car accident story was a cover up. He turned his back on Korn, would have probably done the same to Kinn if Kinn hadn't followed him. And the only reason he came back wasn't just because Kinn convinced him, but because he knew Korn was still lying to him.

But what if he had turned the position to lead down? He's heard from Gun and Korn what happened to his mother after she left: she was sent for again, her husband accused of "knowing too much"--whatever that means--and shot, and has been hidden away for (not doing the math)-years. That could eventually be Porsche's fate if he left.

So are we to believe he took the leadership position without having taken all of this into consideration, especially that up until the end he doubted Korn and held a gun to him until Kinn reminded him he's still here for him? Even this interaction gives me an idea of what direction the story might go in season 2, but I'll give my hopes (who am I kidding, it's wishful thinking until I see a season 2 trailer) later.

What I'm trying to get at is that YES, it does make sense that Porsche would take up this position, whether by his own free will or not. Though it once would have stood against everything we know he believes in, but if he hadn't taken this opportunity to keep his enemy close wouldn't we have found it too strange that he turns it down and instead asks Korn to let him take Nampheung and Chay to live out the rest of their lives as one happy family? To brush everything under the rug in a more permanent manner than remaining in the eye of the storm? Now that would have seemed more uncharacteristic of him than doing what he ultimately did.

@liyazaki: if Porsche was walking to the metaphorical gallows unaware, Kinn is living on the knife’s edge, not realizing how incredibly precarious his newfound happiness is. he has faith in a foundation that doesn't exist. he's been drinking from a poisoned well all his life, and he's unwittingly invited Porsche to partake, as well.

Now, to this part. I think I've made a case for why Porsche isn't all that unaware, so I'm going to focus on Kinn this time. I'd like to make the argument that he and Porsche have built a relatively solid foundation considering all they've been through. A kidnapping, the return of an ex, jealousy, etc. All the traditional/cliche/tried-and-true methods by which dramas like to throw a wrench in an otherwise happy relationship. And time and again we've seen K & P weather these issues pretty darn well, despite our expectations. Doesn't that build a solid foundation?

And I think Kinn does realize how precarious this happiness is. A few moments to point out: In EP7, when Porsche says he shouldn't have loved him and starts walking out--out on Kinn, on whatever potential the two of them have, on Kinn's already visceral feelings for him, on his decision to change or be different this time. Kinn crowds him desperately, does whatever he can in the moment to affirm that he in fact does trust Porsche despite his outburst. And in EP12, when Porsche is pushing Kinn away when he finds out he's been hiding the truth about sending the vultures after his uncle, Kinn knows just what to do and just what to say to keep Porsche with him. He also promises to get to the bottom of everything for him, which they technically haven't done yet, so...we could see this touched on again in a second season. And lastly, all those moments in the last few episodes where Kinn takes the initiative to remind Porsche again, and again, and again how much he means to him; isn't he trying to reaffirm his devotion to a man whose devotion seems to be tipping slightly away from Kinn and more towards his own preoccupations?

And yes, Kinn has been drinking from a poisoned well. But did you notice the permanent look of confusion and disbelief he wore any time he was around Korn in that finale? From reminding Porsche that he's here for him--a reassuring line, sure, but has nothing to do with the context of that particular moment--to finding it more than appropriate that Porsche would twice verbally cast aside the Family Kinn has given up his freedom for with the words "I'm on your side", isn't it being implied that Kinn is willing to align himself more with Porsche now than Korn? Can't Porsche and all the history attached to him be the antidote to that poison?

This is where I see, or hope, or wish, or desperately want what @ellaspore says to be true:

Because the above dialogue could be read also as a point of character growth for Porsche and it could become even for Kinn.

"Many things can be true at once": Your catchphrase definitely rings true for everything we thought we knew to everything we now know. And I do have to admit that I am one to give these characters more credit than they're probably due. But the setup created for season 2 is just too good, the chess metaphor so deeply engrained in nearly every meta written and every thought thought, I can't help but hope that the writers use this to shock us all over again in the next season.

Imagine an entire season where Kinn and Porsche's lives are just seemingly getting torn apart by Korn, his moves, his lies. Things are more or less going his way, Kinn and Porsche's relationship either blown up or in the process of being so. And then Korn's checked by these mates. They unravel the truth while making him--and us--think they're still in the palm of his hand. While outwardly they move as he wants them to, they've been quietly working to understand his plays. Kinn realizing how his position and his brother's trauma is no fateful accident, Porsche finding out how his family is really connected to the mafia world. Neither likes what they see for themselves or for their partner and, uniting in the face of all that's trying to wreck them, end up one step ahead of Korn. How satisfying would it be to see the chess master beaten by the very son he groomed to always ensure he wins? How poetic would it be for Porsche to be the one that in a few months or years' time undid all the calculating Korn has spent nearly two decades perfecting? This time we wouldn't see it coming (again), but Korn wouldn't either.

Anyway, you wrapped it all up perfectly in the end there:

@liyazaki: even with all this possibility for heart-wrenching fallout, I've never felt 'safer' as a viewer as I do in the hands of these writers. they left some plotlines under-developed or unaddressed entirely (for now), but the unforgettable story this team managed to create from the mostly-trash heap that is the source material is a testament to their professional prowess, and evidence of all the thought and care they poured into KinnPorsche. this show has consistently delivered on every promise it made, and managed to surprise me at every turn. I don't know exactly where we're going from here, but if we get to see Kinn and Porsche's story continue? I can't wait to see where they take us- even if it rips our collective hearts out in the process.

And I couldn't agree more :)

I know, I know- I went right for the jugular with that title. at first glance, this might look like a KinnPorsche finale hit piece...an "oh, y'all thought this was a HEA?" before I throw a bucket of gore all over your warm fuzzies, Carrie-style.

in reality? this is a long-form love letter to perhaps the most meticulously-constructed show I've seen in years- Asian, Western, European, etc., et. al. period, fin, full stop.

if there's an idea that KinnPorsche has driven home over and over again, it's that more than one thing can be true at once. that idea has never been more overt than in the finale.

something can be immensely satisfying, hella romantic, quietly appalling, empowering, and like a waking nightmare- all at once. for me, the finale was every one of these things- just maybe not for the reasons you'd expect. in summary: have a little faith before reaching for the pitchforks (thanks in advance).

but first: a little history, a little fandom

some background before we jump into the, as @dancinbutterfly likes to say, "it's about the DRAMATURGY"- of it all. I've been going into every piece of media for years now with as close to the inverse of expectations as you can get, because she has been burned and then some. I've been in fandom of all sorts for many, many moons. perpetual disappointment followed by headcannoning fixes are old friends, and I know them well.

I dumbed this show down before it even began, at no fault of the story or crew or anything else. eliminating my expectations before the word 'go' is just something that happens automatically. if you had told me pre-KP that a quasi-porn-with-feels, Thai-BL-meets-the-mafia show would shock me out of my media coma, I would've just giggled and said "sure, Jan".

that's exactly what happened, though: week after week, this show gave and gave and gave some more. unapologetic queer horniness on full display? here; take it. you want a light, joyful relationship in contrast to perhaps the most intoxicatingly-toxic one you've ever seen? sure, we got that too. how about fascinating moral quandaries and a dark, twisty thread of mystery running throughout? we got you covered and then some.

and oof, that mystery. the possibilities, the implications? the personal ramifications for these characters we were falling in love with? crumbs were suddenly being dropped from a table I forgot could have so much food on it, and I grabbed onto as many morsels as I could get my greedy little hands on.

we all did: the sheer amount of god-tier analysis and meta this fandom created is a testament to that. this show awoke something in our brains that made the collective talent shine brighter than I've seen in a fandom in a long while (Bad Buddy is a close second).

and then- the Finale™

but the real pièce de résistance here: the part of this horny, batshit beauty of a story that puts this show front and center in my mental hall of fame? that finale. pardon the crassness, but it's very much warranted here: that FUCKING FINALE. it was more than the sum of its parts, while simultaneously being the EXACT sum in a whispering, "are-you-paying-attention?" kind of way.

it confirmed little red flags I didn't even trust I was really seeing, which, sure- that's just good writing, solid storytelling. but then it said "nah- we're not done", and stuck the landing so intelligently, it elevated the rest of the story past my wildest expectations. thanks to the finale, I know that my rewatches (yeah, it'll be plural- move along) will be a perpetual mind-fuck affectionate.

it set up us for a likely-explosive second season, with as much potential for greatness as there is for Shakespearean levels of tragedy. without that 81-minute magnum opus, I doubt I would’ve been compelled to write this monster in the first place.

so let's get into the impact of the finale by taking a closer look at the most important players- starting with our sex-on-a-stick (I had to), second-in-command himself.

without further ado: you ready for a deep dive?

kiss me so that I forget myself. I close my eyes & fall in the abyss. -Kamand Kojouri

the title for this meta- Tragedy Dressed Like a Daydream- was inspired by Porsche's iconic walk down the hallway, cementing his new status as he symbolically ascends his throne.

my first thought during this scene- besides the obvious serve-CUNT-king- was, "that's a man who's walking to the gallows- he just doesn't know it yet."

Porsche also embodied raw, effortless power in this moment- but it carried even more weight than just that. this was an easy, almost-royal kind of stride- like he was born to it.

from Porsche's unforgettable presentation to the visual callbacks (more on that in a minute), this is the definition of a full circle moment. it felt less like the victorious kind and more of the snake-eating-its-tail variety, though. again, more on that analogy later.

my doom-and-gloom reaction to this scene has nothing to do with the fact that Porsche is not only staying in the Family, but rising to the top of its ranks. this is a mafia tale: I signed up for bullets, bloodshed, moral ambiguity and as much be-gay-do-more-crime as possible.

once I started to drill down into what exactly about this moment made me feel so unsettled, the reasons turned out to be much more nuanced.

a couple interesting details about this scene before we get into the nitty-gritty: we've seen this kind of oozes-power walk before. it's what I opened my Kinn character analysis with:

Kinn carries himself with the relaxed ease of an heir born to inherit a throne, and the singular, brutal focus required to keep it.

this is how Kinn walks into every room he enters- when anyone besides the people he's closest to are present, anyway.

there's so much I want to say here about the choice to film Kinn from behind versus Porsche head-on, the framing, etc., but I promised myself I wouldn't get too far into the weeds in this meta.

one more tidbit I noticed in this scene: Porsche never blinks- not once. a neat little trick I learned in Psych 101: blinking less communicates ease, confidence, lack of anxiety; while frequent blinking says "I'm afraid/nervous/lying." if you want someone to see you as more confident than you might feel, look them straight in the eye- or straight ahead and past them, like Porsche is here- and blink less. I doubt this was intentional, but it adds (subconsciously) to the powerful aura radiating off of Porsche.

when you know what a man wants, you know who he is- and how to move him. -George R.R. Martin

belief can be manipulated. only knowledge is dangerous. -Frank Herbert

the triumphant veneer on Porsche's ascension starts to crack as soon as we ask, "how did he get here?" the answer- the rot at the root, discreetly leeching off all the life it touches- is Korn.

we're well-aware that Korn is a master manipulator. he knows his sons' strengths and weaknesses like the back of his hand.

what really makes Korn a force to be reckoned with is his patience. he's been using his knowledge of how to utilize his sons- like the tools I believe he sees them to be- for a very, very long time.

it took years-worth of quiet, methodical consistency to orchestrate the events we arrive to in the finale- and to best mold his sons to carry out his purposes. we've also been getting hints at this the entire time- some of which weren't made clear until the very last moments of the finale.

galaxy-brained @dancinbutterfly caught a god-tier hint at just how deep Korn's machinations go, and it happened in episode ONE- yet it's impact in the finale is enormous. if you aren't convinced that Korn has been planning on using Porsche from the start, you're gonna want to hold DB's/my beer for this one. I'm going to be giving the CliffNotes version, but you can read DB's epic finale analysis here.

the last scene in the finale- with Kinn and Porsche declaring their commitment to each other on the boat- is a callback to episode 1 already, bringing us back to where Porsche jumped off the deck. after Porsche escaped, we cut to Kinn and Korn in conversation. I'll quote DB directly here:

Kinn is asked why he didn't procure Porsche- and we see Korn playing chess. he's playing as white, and white always goes first. Korn always has the information needed to make the first move. he takes the queen [Porsche]- and he uses it to get checkmate.

back to the finale: right after Kinn and Porsche's final hug on the boat, we cut over to Korn. he's sitting at a desk with two betta fish in front of him (my theory on that in a minute). Korn stops to look at his phone, smiling at the picture of Kinn and Porsche that Tankhun just sent him.

Korn's expression is that of a warm, loving father, by all appearances happy to see his son happy- but it kind of just made my stomach roll. and then, we reach the line that takes us all the way back to Korn's first game of chess, right after the other boat scene when he won the game using the queen:

"history is only written by the victors."

not to lapse into tag speak in the middle of a semi-serious meta, but are you crying screaming throwing up yet? someone throw me a thesaurus because "chilling" doesn't cover the level of twisted we're witnessing here. the juxtaposition of these scenes in particular casts such a deep shadow over Kinn and Porsche's happy-for-now ending, it's impossible to ignore (again, all credit to DB for catching it).

Korn didn't just make Porsche's sudden meteoric rise happen- he orchestrated it all. this hint was just a standout one of many. I don't think Korn ever expected Kinn and Porsche to get romantically involved, but did he ever switch gears masterfully when they did.

there isn't a single event in the course of Kinn and Porsche's story that Korn didn't either 1) make happen himself or 2) expertly adapt and work to his advantage.

riddle me this: what could be better for Korn than having his ever-loyal but soft-at-heart son on the throne? let's dream even bigger: how about having his son's heart as his second? as smart as Porsche is, this isn't a world he's known for long- at all.

Porsche doesn't fully understand the rules or know the players- and he certainly doesn't have the benefit of experience required to see the bigger picture. Kinn's biggest weakness is now right out in the open, ready for Korn to exploit when and if needed.

for a man like Korn, what could be better than that?

back to the fish, and what could be our last hint the finale at Korn's next move. betta fish- or fighting fish- are known for their aggression towards other bettas. Korn has the fish in two bowls, separate but still in each other's line of vision- and able to antagonize the other.

before he looks at his phone, Korn is tapping on just one of the bowls, almost like he's deliberately trying to rile the fish up. he's also watching them very intently- and Korn is the most intentional character in this show.

the meaning here is wide open to interpretation, but this moment doesn't feel accidental- next to nothing in this show is. I don't see how pitting Kinn and Porsche against each other at this stage in the game would work to Korn's benefit- they're the most obvious explanation- but I'm calling it now: there's something there, and I have a nasty feeling that it's important.

so- Korn is pulling all the strings. Kinn and Porsche are in power in name only. they’re simply pieces on the gameboard and they always will be, as long as Korn is alive. they’re only there because Korn wants them to be.

Porsche and Porchay were only reunited with their mother because Korn made it so. I could write pages of meta on those scenes alone- the combination of intelligence and fear in her eyes, her catatonic-seeming (but were they really?) reactions, ad nauseum.

I'm not going to delve too deeply into the Namphueng plot here, but I have to mention that something about her reveal feels reactionary. the timing and suddenness of it feels more akin to thinking on your feet than it does to a long-game strategy. there has to be so much more happening here than we're aware of yet.

the main evidence of this for me: Korn left Namphueng essentially locked up in a tower for years. Korn is nothing if not brutally efficient. he could've used her just like he uses everyone else right out in the open. it would have been a million times more practical for him to go that route, but he didn't. that choice says something.

I don't know if I can buy into the idea that his only reason for pulling off this years-long kidnapping-in-plain-sight was just to time her reappearance in order to control Porsche (and Kinn by extension). we're missing a puzzle piece here- really, I feel like it's a lot of them.

which leads us to the million dollar question: what the hell does Korn know? how far down the rabbit hole does the history- and crimes- of this family go? Korn methodically knocked so many threatening pieces off the board, there's now history that ONLY KORN is privy to. let that sink in for a minute. if knowledge is power, Korn's is now near absolute.

Korn's inescapable influence takes what otherwise looks like a beautiful triumph- Kinn and Porsche, united, back where they started- and makes it look more like walking into an abyss.

when and if we get S2, I can guarantee that none of us are prepared for whatever Korn is planning next. like I mentioned in the beginning, the potential fallout for our players left on the gameboard is, in a word- catastrophic.

I'll wrap up this section with a chef's kiss quote from my beloved @elnotwoods:

I got so blinded by the metaphor and the symbolism [playing chess] that I overlooked the fact that the pieces on a chessboard only ever do what the player wants, because there are different ways to play, different moves and strategies- but it’s ultimately up to the person moving the pieces to decide.

so the story of man runs in a dreary circle, because he is not yet master of the earth that holds him. -Will Durant

there's also the issue of who Porsche is, and the question of if he did possess full autonomy here- i.e. if Korn wasn't making his moves for him from the shadows- would this be the choice he'd make? does it align with who he is- or, at least, with who he used to be?

because no one- outside of the people in the Family itself- have been more directly affected by the brutality that comes with the criminal underworld than Porsche and Porchay.

their parents: slaughtered in their home. debtors harassed and threatened them both for years, to the point that Porsche went to beg for mercy on his uncle's behalf. they had to feel like they were living in a semi-constant state of fear- likely with plenty of righteous anger and resentment mixed in, too.

so rather than just a cycle that repeats, we have a true tragedy here in the form of the metaphorical snake eating its tail. the Kittisawasd brothers' lives, loves, even their life's purpose (for Porsche, at least) are now inextricably linked to the cause of the greatest trauma they ever experienced. they're not just a part of the Family now- they sit its throne, either directly or by association.

love- especially the new, fresh, starry-eyed kind of love- has a way of blinding you. of bending you in ways you never thought you would, without either lashing out or getting out first.

is Porsche capable of thriving in this world? absolutely. will it require depths of compromise he can't even fathom yet? undoubtedly yes.

I also don't believe Porsche would have put Porchay within 1000 miles of everything Kinn's world brings if it weren't for love. the "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" argument could be made here- the enemy being the world of the Family, not Kinn himself- but it doesn't ring true for me.

plus, we have Porsche's own words to fall back on:

I'm not on the main family's side. I'm not on the minor family's side. I'm on your side.

Porsche is here for love and love alone. Kinn is here because he is ever-loyal...Porsche's love is a bonus. a life-changing, beautiful bonus- but just a bonus nonetheless.

I have to pause to address what Kinn did and said right before this moment. he doesn't know his father is alive, but Korn's influence- or maybe more accurately, Kinn's indoctrination- is still SO strong, Kinn pulls a gun on the man he loves at the mere possibility that Porsche MIGHT believe Korn was responsible for murdering his parents.

and do you believe him? if you believe him, you have to be on the main family's side. if not- we're on a different sides.

more on this when we talk about Kinn, but this is bone-chilling stuff.

to circle back to Porsche and how he got here: at the heart of it, his decisions aren't all that different from the things anyone who's been stupid-in-love have done or come close to doing: compromising your values, making exceptions- being blind to the bigger picture.

what could catapult Porsche's ascension into a full-blown tragedy (gay gods, let it not; I mostly like being alive) ultimately rests on the gorgeous shoulders of our next major player.

the proverb warns that 'you shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you.' but maybe you should, if it prevents you from feeding yourself. -Thomas Stephen Szasz

while pretty much all of Korn's scenes gave us glimpses of his manipulation, they showed us something else equally important: the depths of Kinn's devotion, specifically to his family and the Family. in Kinn's mind? I don't think he can tell the difference between the two.

this isn't Kinn's fault- he never stood a chance. how could he? Korn's had an actual lifetime to subtly shape and mold Kinn into the obedient foot-soldier-in-a-Gucci-suit he is today- and did he ever get started with him young.

remember Kinn's fireside confessional? he told Porsche about his dream as a kid to be a singer, but he seemed to let go of that dream almost as quickly as it came. where did Kinn get the idea of having to step up to take the burden off of Tankhun if not from Korn?

he was a child, but the walls of his cage were already closing in- and he was none the wiser. cut to all of these years later, and he STILL isn't aware. Kinn is incredibly kind, caring and soft with the people he loves, so he just said "yes- I can carry this great and terrible thing." he took on the burden, and his life is forever changed because of it.

he can't get that time back, that dream, or take back all the things he's done in service to Korn since. he's left with wistful "I wonders" before shaking himself off and moving onto whatever task is assigned to him next.

Korn is incredibly aware that love- romantic or otherwise- is Kinn's Achilles heel. all he has to do is casually mention how much the Family needs him (e.g. the apple scene) and boom- Kinn immediately falls back in line. Kinn would move heaven and earth for Porsche, but his blind loyalty to Korn is just as strong, if not stronger- the ultimate question, really.

and it bears repeating: Kinn's blindness is through no fault of his own. he's been systematically manipulated and groomed into becoming the man he is today. the fact that he's retained as much of his humanity as he has is a small miracle- however compartmentalized that humanity might be (read: being able to assassinate someone on the spot without a sideways glance).

if Porsche was walking to the metaphorical gallows unaware, Kinn is living on the knife’s edge, not realizing how incredibly precarious his newfound happiness is. he has faith in a foundation that doesn't exist. he's been drinking from a poisoned well all his life, and he's unwittingly invited Porsche to partake, as well.

I have no doubt Kinn’s intentions are good, and that his love for Porsche is as true, deep and real as any. it's the same sort of unquestioning, all-encompassing love- for his family, THE Family- that could be their ultimate undoing.

I am no bird; and no net ensnares me. -Charlotte Brontë

we're going to stick to the surface streets where Vegas and Pete are concerned, because to the shock of absolutely none of you who know me, I could write a book on them.

however, I have to highlight the stark contrast their story provides in the finale against Kinn and Porsche's. they were the only characters who walked away with complete autonomy.

what felt like the final nail in coffin to Vegas- no longer being in line to assume his father's position, gain his power and prove himself worthy- was his saving grace. again, this isn't because they got out of the mafia, but because they got out from under Korn- which, irony heaped upon irony, was still Korn's doing.

for now, Vegas, Pete and Macau have been set to the side of the game board by our main player. they're out of the game, but they'll still receive some of its benefits (likely financial). it's probably the best outcome they could have gotten.

regardless of how it came about, or whatever the future holds for Pete and Vegas- it'll be a future they author together from start to finish. they're going into this new chapter with their eyes wide open, their feet on the ground and with a mutual purpose- to somehow be a family- based exclusively on what they want and need most.

I wish that wasn't more than I could say for Kinn and Porsche, but with where we leave them in the finale, it is- for now.

we aren't one story- we can change our stories. we can write our own. -A. Poehler

and so, we reach the end. Kinn and Porsche are silhouetted against/almost swallowed by the darkness behind them (intentional? I'm thinking yes) on the deck of the boat where it all started.

everything has been leading us to this moment- even their final lines are a callback. Porsche is gazing at Kinn with so much warmth and affection, declaring that his life is Kinn's. Kinn assures him he'll treasure it, clearly in bliss- probably feeling like he finally has everything he's ever wanted.

the parallel- along with Porsche repeating again that he's there for Kinn and Kinn alone- gave me chills at all the high-romanticism, coupled with deeply-ominous foreshadowing.

Porsche's life is now Kinn's, and Porsche would give him absolutely everything (he already has). can the same be said for Kinn? is he capable of rising above a lifetime of submission to Korn for their relationship's sake, for Porsche's sake- or most importantly, for his own? Kinn and Porsche are on equal footing on the surface only, and Porsche couldn't be at a more dangerous disadvantage.

as @dancinbutterfly put it to me so eloquently:

there can't be equanimity when one person is standing on earth & the other is in chains, looking up at him from the heart of hell.

I have to use our catchphrase one last time here, because it's never been more applicable: this scene is the definition of many things can be true at once. when we step back to look at the state of play, the bigger picture- Kinn and Porsche's final moment is as tender and heartfelt as it is potentially heart-wrenching.

we're watching these characters we've come to know and love teeter on the edge of a precipice they don't even know exists- but we do. Korn knows- he created it, and he even gets the literal last word- not counting the small bit of dialogue in the final-final scene with Porsche, Porchay and Namphueng.

I was so distracted by the beauty of the relationships between our main/side characters and how they were developing, I didn't go over many of these small- but, in retrospect, crucial- details too deeply, until the finale left me feeling so uneasy, I had to figure out why. even that might have been intentional.

not to go crazy conspiracy board here (but I will): how poetic would it be if the intention all along was to 'dupe' (but not really, because we're talking about it here) the audience into being in exactly the same mental boat as Kinn and Porsche?

i.e. we're so distracted by all the pretty, shiny things (love! HEA! they're in power together! etc.) that we don't see the forest for the trees? I really hope- and dread- that we might get to see it all come to awful, angst-ridden fruition in a second season. because that, my friends? truly god-tier level story telling.

even with all this possibility for heart-wrenching fallout, I've never felt 'safer' as a viewer as I do in the hands of these writers. they left some plotlines under-developed or unaddressed entirely (for now), but the unforgettable story this team managed to create from the mostly-trash heap that is the source material is a testament to their professional prowess, and evidence of all the thought and care they poured into KinnPorsche.

this show has consistently delivered on every promise it made, and managed to surprise me at every turn. I don't know exactly where we're going from here, but if we get to see Kinn and Porsche's story continue? I can't wait to see where they take us- even if it rips our collective hearts out in the process.

what a way to go, no?

special thanks to @dancinbutterfly for going full-on Pepe Silvia with me through half the night (more than once) while I slogged through this thing, and to my wonderful wifey @elnotwoods for helping get my ideas off the ground 💖 tagging some lovely peeps who have been patiently waiting for this behemoth to drop: @patprans @ellaspore @bengiyo @snimeat @rainbowcolored7 @maleficent-cannoli @i-got-the-feels @shinwoonoh @risu442.

as usual whenever I write long-form, I’m doubting whether I actually said anything at all here? either way- thank you for reading this far & I hope you enjoyed it 🖤

[kpdeek]

Vegas and Pete: Love Language Food by Episode

Food incorporates all five senses. It’s a very powerful way of creating a connection and expressing love so is it really surprising that for some it is a love language? Pete very early on expresses his feelings on food. He correlates food with warm feelings, welcome, and caring. This is due to his grandmother and it means something that he shares his grandmother's food with Porsche. Food is extremely important to Pete. So let's talk about when it became important to Vegas and Pete.

Where are you looking evil sir?? He's looking right at Pete. Eventually Pete notices and tells Vegas where Kinn is but instead he sits with them. Pete moves his food over. He is super excited about it but baby boy does not touch a drop of his food once Vegas gives Porsche that meat.

Boy is not happy, not happy at all. I also want you guys to look at the first picture and where Porsches eyes are actually directed at. It's not Vegas.

Our next food related incident happens when Pete if following Vegas. Both Vegas and his brother notice and Vegas heads into the store and purchases Pete bug spray and bread. The condoms weren't for him at that time.

Then comes Episode 7 which really is when I first noticed the food dialogue. While taking my notes, I started really seeing a pattern. The thought hit me that Vegas absolutely has to know how Pete feels about food because there are too many moments for me to discredit. I'm going to list them for you.

The minute Pete mentioned grilled pork Vegas is turning around and getting it for him. Okay, I can already hear some of you dismissing this but think it through. He had Porsche next to him, his supposed "unrequited love" and Pete was a decent distance back and was whispering to Arm. How would Vegas have heard Pete unless his attention was already there.

Vegas offers food again when Pete pays homage to alter. Pete says they can wait to eat with everyone. Here is the interesting part. Vegas looks at Arm, then Porsche but looks directly at Pete and tells Pete "I'll get you some food."

Porsche says "oh they set up food" Vegas is in front of Porsche on the stairs and Pete is behind Porche. Vegas pauses as they come off the stairs so that Porsche is then in front of him slightly and Vegas is in line of Pete when he asks "hungry?"

Vegas and Pete make full eye contact. Third offering of food. What's that smile Pete. What's that smile!? And then I get my answer from @curiositykilledd who also co-wrote this with me... The food on that table is Southern Thai. Could be nothing.. Could be something. You decide.

Okay, back on track "You don't need a schedule to eat here" he is looking right at Pete when he says "you can eat whenever you want"

Vegas gestures for Porsche to drink. They clink glasses then Vegas turns and gestures to Pete to drink. Are we counting this as a food offering? If so.. Number five. All in one episode.

There are points in-between these gifs that most of you are familiar with. First the food Vegas so carefully made with love and then the second bowl of food, that if you noticed was still ramen. One of Pete's favorites. The spilt food that in fact foreshadowed their fall.

Then Pete follows Vegas and he can't say "Because I love you" but he can say "Because I'm hungry" and immediately Vegas pauses because he knows what food means to Pete.

We come full circle from that very first scene when Pete shared his food with Porsche. When he extending his care, concern, and friendship to Porsche. We come to the last scene in the series but also their last food scene. Not only does Pete get Macau food but buys Vegas food as well. The difference between that first scene and this last one is that though he is extending his care and concern, he is also giving Vegas his love. Food=I love you. It's their love language.

This post was co-written with @curiositykilledd. Hope all of you enjoy! 💜💜💜

[kpdeek]

memorable shitposting kinnporsche edition

So, @yeetlegay suggested something a few days ago here:

I feel like we need an equivalent of the Damn Good Meta Doc (aka the bible for sexy ppl, brought to us by known goddess @luckydragon10) but like…for memorable shitposting. Y’all are some of the funniest people on the planet and I want a massive encyclopedia of your greatest hits that I can look back on and laugh over again.

Now, I’m a lady with anxiety who had important job decisions coming up. The implications were obvious. Brought to you with the help of copious amounts of coffee, two packets of sour candy snakes and approximately 10 hours of Deezer’s finest german lo-fi rap music playlist:

memorable shitposting kinnporsche edition aka The Damn Good Shitposting Doc

and its companion/girlfriend

@kpmemes aka a whole sideblog full of fun posts galore for your endless scrolling pleasure feat. a (hopefully accurate) tag system

With (as of right now) 513 posts from 160+ people clicking through the doc became a bit of a hassle, so I figured a blog that contains all the posts a: would be a nicer way to search and view things for some people and b: could come really in handy in case of broken links. The blog doesn’t quite contain every post from the doc yet with around 100 missing (postlimit got me), but the queue should fill the remaining gaps in the next few days. (Also the tag page is still iffy on mobile, working on it!)

Now, tagging every single person who has a post in the doc would probably break tumblr (I do have the list though in a handy excel table if anyone wants a whole bunch of fun blogs to follow), but I need to give a special thanks & shout out to @moerusai @yeetlegay @snake-and-mouse @rythyme @onstoryladders @biochemjess @blessyouhawkeye @daltoneering for their super valuable and well-filled tags/blogs that managed to actually lead me to the bulk of these posts. Y’all probably saw me do some weird shit in your activity over the weekend, sorry! And above all major thanks to @luckydragon10 for allowing me to basically copy-paste her structure from the meta doc & @iffervescent for inspiring most of the meme categories with the brilliant KP Fandom Primer. Also shoutout to @poemsforpersephone for letting me pester her with updates while recovering from Covid, you’re the real MVP and I will continue to pay you with KimChay memes. Last but not least: if you have posts that should be in here or suggestions in general please send them my way @kpmemes or on this blog, via ask or mentioning. Same goes for any broken links or mistakes you’ve caught (and I’m sure there will be some). Anon is on. Especially stuff for early episodes and pre-show is MUCH appreciated since I only joined after episode 6 and tumblr’s search isn’t exactly helpful. Also I know there have to be some Tay/Time/Tem shitposts out there.

Long term I’m also thinking of including youtube videos and twitter posts so feel free to also send them my way. And now, happy scrolling!

[kpdeek]

mile’s tiddies about to jump out of that adidas shirt in the newest mileapo update 😤 good morning to me…

Both mile’s shirt and our sanity struggling right now 🥵

[kpdeek]

A not so little detail you might've missed - Porsche's Palad khik tree

I think by now everyone is aware of the big pe**s amulet Porsche received from the buddhist priest in ep8. But did you guys also notice that Porsche owns a whole tree that is shaped like that?

Like the amulet, this is also a so called Palad khik, but a rarer one that comes (pun not intended?) in the form of a tree. These trees and amulets are usually kept by shop owners who want to receive good fortune and attract more customers. However, they changed it for the show and turned them into lucky charms that are supposed to ward off evil ghosts. The one Porsche got from the priest was meant to help him with his problems concerning the ghost of Kinn's ex boyfriend Tawan.

(left: image of another Palad khik tree example, right: Porsche's tree)

I wonder if Porsche bought the tree, because he hoped that if a single amulet can already help him with his ghost problem, a whole tree would definitely do the trick. And who knows, maybe there were more than just those two lucky charms spread throughout the apartment lol