l-swizzle - Tumblr blog

[l-swizzle]

Youtube got some new videos

[l-swizzle]

When you drink a lot of water and your tummy goes sploosh sploosh

[l-swizzle]

to whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.

[l-swizzle]

Me asking the plug if the Xanax is glutten free

[l-swizzle]

New flirting method where you just have a crippling panic attack infront of them

[l-swizzle]

feds kicking down my door only to realize there was a bucket of water above it and now they’re all wet

[l-swizzle]

Me on jeopardy: i dont know

[l-swizzle]

Waiter: wine?

Date: i dont drink

Waiter: water

Me: she said she doesn’t drink pal

[l-swizzle]

Dudes be playing nba 2k23 but they be 23 with less than 2k i(N) their (BA)nk

[l-swizzle]

The music stopped in the club and every one heard me opening my velcro wallet

[l-swizzle]

*Getting backshots* hes right behind me ,isnt he?

[l-swizzle]

Dudes be wearing rick owens but be OWEN their landlord RICK unpaid rent money

[l-swizzle]

Me: this is my house

Friend: whats upstairs?

Me: stairs dont speak

[l-swizzle]

Tattoo artist who is halfway done with my Garfield tattoo: so you like lasagna to haha?

Me who is a huge fan of the 20th US president: what?

[l-swizzle]

*Waiter salting my pasta*:say when

Me 6 hours later: when

[l-swizzle]

Jingling to fuck out of my bells rn

[l-swizzle]

Babe can you stop by Jupiter on the way home? Were running out of stupider