lastonegone

[lastonegone]

This just made the last ten years of my life make sense.

[lastonegone]

🚫 I'M DONE EXPLAINING MYSELF. ✋🏻

It took me too long to understand that no matter how much I explain my side, some people will twist it to fit their narrative. I used to pour my heart out, desperately hoping they’d see the truth, but I’ve learned the hard way—if someone truly wanted to understand, they wouldn’t make me beg for it.

If you’ve already decided I’m the villain in your story, fine. I’m not going to keep bending over backwards trying to prove I’m good enough, worthy enough, or innocent enough. The truth is, the more I explain, the more power I give to someone who doesn’t want to hear it.

Let them believe what they want.

Let them say it was all my fault.

Let them stay stuck in their version of events.

LET. THEM.

I won’t defend myself anymore. Because I’ve realized something crucial—explaining myself over and over doesn’t bring peace. It only exhausts me. It only reinforces their narrative, because if they really cared to understand, they would’ve listened the first time.

I’m reclaiming my energy. I’m walking away from the endless loop of justification and debate. I deserve connections where I don’t have to fight for my truth to be seen.

If my silence makes you uncomfortable, then be uncomfortable.

If my choice not to explain feels like defeat to you, that’s on you.

I’m no longer concerned with trying to win a battle I never agreed to fight.

I’m DONE begging to be understood.

I’m DONE begging for kindness, respect, and empathy that should’ve been given freely.

I’m DONE putting myself on trial in a court that was never fair to begin with.

I'M. DONE.

The only explanation I owe is to myself: that I choose peace over their noise.

I choose to move on without the weight of constantly trying to be heard by people who are committed to misunderstanding me.

Let them think what they want.

LET. THEM. GO.

I will NOT explain myself again.

Because, honestly, I don’t need to.

❤️‍🩹

[lastonegone]

It is so much safer to assume the worst of everyone, to believe that there is a hidden motive behind every action and word. Very lonely, but safer.

[lastonegone]

This is the first time I've heard someone else express this.

“At times I suffer from the strangest sense of detachment from myself and the world around me; I seem to watch it all from the outside, from somewhere inconceivably remote, out of time, out of space, out of the stress and tragedy of it all.”

— H.G. Wells

[lastonegone]

Is it possible that the abundant overflow of information we experience today has so completely drawn our attention towards external situations and conditions that we are becoming incapable of looking into ourselves? Might there be such a global mindset that the individual's importance is diminishing; even in the mind of the individual?

[lastonegone]

My kids are grown adults and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

[lastonegone]

[lastonegone]

Finally found the words to explain my childhood.

“I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party and I attended with my real face.”

— Franz Kafka

[lastonegone]

It is amazing to have a person in my life that I can be my real self around. I hope that others can find this.

[lastonegone]

I made progress in this area of life over the past couple of days. I choose the path I walk.

I learned at an early age that the people who hurt me the most were the ones who should have loved me the most. Instead of protection, they offered pain; pain that was branded as my fault. Today I remember that pain in the third person, as if I am somewhere above the child who is being beaten, humiliated, or cursed. I watch these memories like I would watch a movie. I get angry. I want to save the child, but he cannot be saved. It will be many years before the child realizes that none of this was his fault; and, yet he will never truly believe that.

[lastonegone]

Whenever one person wishes to teach or enlighten another on a particular subject, the typical process is to present basic facts that are simple to understand first. These truths then become the foundation upon which to build further teaching. A math teacher would never begin with physics and then attempt to work back through the vast collection of mathematical concepts until reaching basic multiplication and division. This top-down approach may be useful in giving a very generalized overview of the subject, but the student would get no true understanding of physics. This is why we start mathematical education at an early age with “2+2” and proceed from there.

This is how students of music, art, medicine, and any other discipline will learn; by building a foundation upon which to add more knowledge. Unfortunately, this is the opposite of what I have witnessed in the spiritual teaching found within contemporary American churches.

I am, of course, referring to Christian churches; and I specify the American version because I have little experience with what is taught elsewhere. Within these institutions, people are expected to wrap their minds around deep spiritual concepts as they are presented in their final form with no foundational understanding. Then, from this position of minimal (if any) understanding, the initiates are expected to work backwards through centuries of contradictory teachings to reach true enlightenment. The situation becomes even worse when we realize that the ones who teach are doing nothing more than regurgitating the same misguided guidance that was fed to them. It’s the blind leading the blind in the wrong direction.

I really wish that I could end this thought with a solution, but one has not been revealed to me yet. Thus, the search for foundational truths goes on.

[lastonegone]

Everyone’s talking about disabling the new opt-in AI training software but tumblr users have the power to do the absolute funniest thing right now and fuck up this AI so badly that it can’t be released to the public

[lastonegone]

If AI actually does cause some catastrophic harm to humanity as a whole, it probably won’t be in the form of a malicious, planned attack. No, it will be more like a toddler playing with its toys, or a bull in a china shop.

“What happens if I do this? Oh, wow. That was unexpected”

[lastonegone]

Would the destruction of humanity be an inherently “bad” or “evil” thing? If a super intelligent being (one with the ability to see all possible outcomes from this moment in time) were to show that humans will inevitably destroy our home world, then it follows that our destruction may be the most reasonable solution to this problem. Of course, that means that the destruction of Earth would need to be seen as a problem. To eliminate humans would probably be easier than causing us to change from our current course of action.

[lastonegone]

Currently, there is fear-mongering about the idea of computers, or computer based intelligence, becoming self-aware. The idea is that anything that is as smart as a human being, and armed with an awareness that it is a separate entity, will inevitably pose a threat to humanity. The underlying assumption is that if some “thing” is as smart as a human, and is aware like a human, it will find a way to harm humans as a form of survival. If a being is capable of true thinking, there is no reason to assume that it would be hostile towards anything because true thinking could very well lead this being to choose a radically different course of action. Having the mental capacity of a human does not make it necessary that human like behavior would follow. Yes, humans will destroy almost anything in the name of self-preservation. That does not mean that all sentient beings would follow that same course.

[lastonegone]

"Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place." - Unknown

[lastonegone]

Having only two eyes on the front of the head is far too limiting. I need to have the thousand burning eyes of an angel or the millions of cameras of the internet. I need to know everything than happens within at least a five mile radius of my location.