latencylacy

[latencylacy]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

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madame seafoam gives her most tortured amorologists her most bewitching trials

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the diamond-shaped cardiovascular organ within my chest performs tricks like a dolled-up showdog on stimulants

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words cannot describe how upset i am that this show exists you will not BELIEVE how absolutely LIVID i am that this show Exists and that I watched it

there's gonna be blood in the streets. there's gonna be blood in the sheets. 40% of it's going to be mine after the Severe Injury i took from this shit like no one's laughing. not you. you will stop laughing DON'T LAUGH AT ME

i can't fucking. do this man. why did they make the show Like That and then make Me watch it do you have any idea how bad for me this is? this isn't going to be like an utena thing or a castle of nations thing i think whatever the fuck this show just downloaded into my psyche<= [BUZZWORD] is going to be like a New Response i have to something like it didn't give me anything New it just reached into my brain and strangled the life force out of what was Already There and wrapped my decayed gray matter up in pretty ribbons

they made the gimmick about love but Specifically the overarching platonic type that doesn't attach to Strictly Anyone and then backpedaled and specified that committed 1-1 attachment is Also not really a selfish thing but Can drive people to Do selfish things. they made them different cards as alternatives to the heart as love symbolism. one of the girls is Canonically yuriful for one of the other ones but that doesn't get to go anywhere. they referenced SPECIFICALLY the ONE eastern myth which persists in my mind like bacteria SPECIFICALLY THAT ONE.

as i watched cure heart transform for the first time months ago i filled with such nauseous dread, i wasn't ready. i wasn't fucking ready. i Forgot how not ready i was for a while why did i think it was a Good Idea to FINISH THIS. AND NOW I HAVE TO JUST WATCH ANOTHER ONE AND NOT MENTION HOW THIS MADE ME FEEL???? AND NOT MENTION HOW EVERY MAIN CHARACTER IS, LIKE, ??????? TO ME? AND NOT MENTION HOW- [i am wrestled offstage by a group of security]

[latencylacy]

[perfectly content in bath, moisturized, happy] i've been treated like a bothersome weed to water for my entire life and faced agitation when i'd not spontaneously grown to fill the can myself

perplexing. i'd never gone well with any sort of flora, those within my care inevitably die and it was when i was the Flower Boy i'd felt the most trapped in my life. the immobility within miles of trees certainly set the scene, too. what the Fuck is it with Me And Plants i don't even Willingly associate with them

have i ever told you how angry the Yellow Rose and it's mismatch of connotations makes me? it makes me think of something. it makes me think of a lot of things, actually. i don't think even if i'd been watered i'd have grown into that which anyone wanted, anyway, red's a much more flattering color

but, what the hell, even if i've nothing but bad luck with the motif, still sometimes i fancy getting a nice arrangement for myself. it's not too foreign to buy flowers for those important to you, so on occasion i think i'd make a good Demo attempt at a gesture of kindness

i'd had a list written down, of flora important to me. a collage of mostly whites and yellows. lily of the valley has always been my favourite Visually.. the daffodil grew around me a lot of the time, growing up. agrimony can't be forgotten, perhaps zinnia. though begonia, rue, speak to me as well. i'd have to really Think on it

of course gifting flowers to others is a formality as well but i think i'd feel like i'd gotten punched to receive any combination similar to this. i know i'd been likened to..? Gardenia? at some point in time. but no, not really, perhaps i'd owe it in a gift to someone else, however

man. i really shouldn't have watched utena

[latencylacy]

and sometimes i wonder if you can be normal for five minutes, but we'll never know the answers to such and such

ok but like what if the sun was just Some Guy. when we turn planets into people we like to imagine him as glowing the way we see him do but isn't he literally Just a star, i don't think stars should be depicted any differently from the sun himself because do you think the sun eyes his own glow? every planet may gather around and revere him because he's the closest they've ever gotten to something like that but He knows what he is, He knows he's far from even the grandest star out there, others live in awe and fear but do you think he can't manage anything but apathy at the cycle he's destined to follow? of course we can always make him really prideful and let it all get to his head but what if we Didn't, what if we approached the sun and he's just there, what if he'd rather be left alone like every other distant star. do you think every star gets veneration like this from it's surrounding planets? do you think they've taken it the same way? how does it feel to be a star and so far from anything else like you that would treat you as an equal

[latencylacy]

ok but like what if the sun was just Some Guy. when we turn planets into people we like to imagine him as glowing the way we see him do but isn't he literally Just a star, i don't think stars should be depicted any differently from the sun himself because do you think the sun eyes his own glow? every planet may gather around and revere him because he's the closest they've ever gotten to something like that but He knows what he is, He knows he's far from even the grandest star out there, others live in awe and fear but do you think he can't manage anything but apathy at the cycle he's destined to follow? of course we can always make him really prideful and let it all get to his head but what if we Didn't, what if we approached the sun and he's just there, what if he'd rather be left alone like every other distant star. do you think every star gets veneration like this from it's surrounding planets? do you think they've taken it the same way? how does it feel to be a star and so far from anything else like you that would treat you as an equal

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Hello again tumblr

[latencylacy]

He's done, he's just a guy❤❤❤

No, those are NOT $/H scars, dw, those are marks/scars after getting most of his body turned more doll-like 😇

[latencylacy]

YURI VIDEO GAME ON MY COMPUTER. IT IS POSSIBLE TO SPEEDRUN YURI

[which i was Supposed to do but accidentally closed the window and lost my entire save file. Fuck]

i got too excited and took too many photos

this is now the first time any of my ocs Appear on the blog i'm so upset. they don't even look like this and i could have spent my time on actual character design but Did I? :-) did i??? hahahaha i'm playing this again later and disappearing into the mist until i remember how to make girls kiss aren't i

[sound of banging pots and pans]

MISTER KRAAABS

[increasingly discordant and frightening sounds of crashing metal]

I HAVE AN IDEEEEAAAA

[latencylacy]

[sound of banging pots and pans]

MISTER KRAAABS

[increasingly discordant and frightening sounds of crashing metal]

I HAVE AN IDEEEEAAAA

[latencylacy]

fucking pov characters that i Hate hi i'm thinking about them again. so we all know rinne is narratively doomed to become the ending if she doesn't want anything else to, but jaden, like, has plot armor with the unfortunate side effect of the entire setting she lives in being doomed Except for her. because there's this funny thing where i refuse to put children through anything too severe thus keeping her "safe" herself whilst nothing goes well for any other character in [☣️🖍️🌐]. She'll be fine she's just a Child, don't worry Her pretty little head but that's more or less what she's been hearing forever, isn't it? not to worry? Just Stay Positive, You're An 11 Year Old Girl.

she spends the entire plot forced to feel insignificant as everyone brushes her off for not understanding what's taking place, maybe she Doesn't fully grasp the level of anything going on but she's not Stupid and Could help if people would just, Talk To Her but as any other child she's left to stand there and look funny. just like she always did for her family, just as they forgot her, Jaden wouldn't Do Anything so why should Anyone double check for her? she's a Fool if she's not right behind them

she Is, ok. her life could have objectively been much simpler if she hadn't turned around but she's a whole two digit years of age! she's all grown! a strange blossoming new world is right behind all of them so why Shouldn't she explore when she feels like she can finally have freedom of thought to herself

many would say she made the Wrong choice but she doesn't Mind it, everyone she's ran into here was supposedly better than her old family but as the days pass it's starting to dawn just how little she's taken seriously or valued. she is not Allowed to change, not by anyone, not by the narrative. she is to be just the same, just fine, even if everything else has to burn down

i mean she's like 11 dude why would i give third degree burns to a child it's not like she's allo or something smh

[latencylacy]

hey, Beverages

rinne would, surprisingly, be primarily a Water drinker taking interest in Tea on occasion but she only know black tea exists until casper notes her interest in the beverage and he brews her Another kind. she really doesn't come off As water drinker but when people question that she doesn't really get why? to her water is the only beverage that actually works for hydration, if soda exists in mjm idontknowyet she'd need an actual drink after having it which, Is Water. she requires water after tea, too

being a child jaden knows assorted fruit juices as most interesting beverage. primarily Apple but she seems to just like apple in general. this probably wouldn't be Too hard to satisfy in-universe by means of finding a preserved fruit that isn't out of date and preparing a crude juice but if she Wants Juice and Does Not Have It she sees no issue with crushing down larvae with sugar. seth would shriek like a little girl at this and jaden will never stop getting a laugh out of it. did i tell you how Malicious she was with his fear of insects yet, like-

cherise is a chronic diet soda drinker. her logic is "It's.. Diet. That means it's healthy.. -Er. Yeah. It's not so bad for you" it's horrible for her and she's vaguely aware of that but actively bullshitting her way to feel like she's accomplished something. isolde is bordering on her kismesis for a lot of reasons and this sort of mindset is at least one of them

[latencylacy]

Sometimes you literally just have to start

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for a while now i've had this very distinct vision of casper hanging The Necklace around rinne's neck which i'll draw when i'm not on a watchlist anymore but that singular gave me More

i really don't think casper Intended to be the way he is, i don't think he intended a lot of things. last time i heard anything about him his arrival in fairward was some sort of Escape but mjm has had so long to mutate behind my back i have no goddamn idea what it is now and i feel like when i figure that out it's going to damage me

did he even, Mean to be a Librarian, is he? i don't Know, the place was just Given. and when you've lost your humanity and get invited into a weird closed off community of people not like but Used To things like you appearing your best bet is probably the old lady showing you the old library. it has plenty of space for all your things and a lot of stuff you've never seen, but now people want to look a little Too hard at Your Stuff so keep it closed. no one will question it if you only "open" late enough at night to make sure everyone's gone. people will Still insist on asking for your favour, but, Ok, they seem to appreciate you and don't touch Too much of your stuff so you take care of their.. Invasive Garden Gnomes? sure. but you're Not their sage. you're Not. you're just like them, you'll stay Just like another one of them

if anything Rinne is more of an actual librarian, these days, once casper has had more time to be less uptight about things. he knows where she's coming from, sort of. so she can have This pendant for good luck. she reminds him a lot of himself in a off way, it would have suited him if he were a lot more like her. anyone else would be Dead if they got a single chip on something like that, but if they were a lot more like Her, it would suit them

maybe she'll learn how to take better care of her things Some Day, if she were more like him. she doesn't see how they have anything in common, he won't tell her, he doesn't talk about Anything. What is this guy's deal is he like the local cryptid or something

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day 395 in the chambers. these characters make me feel like the creation of Inside. we're at the flower assignments again and i remember why i'm not allowed to garden. revolutionary girl utena fucked me up. violets are a funny parallel to roses but Don't Work for the violet one, moonflower is much more functional given ill alternative associations of mine thus making them a more agonizing parallel. hanahaki disease au that i'm not making. the only easy one was pink geranium. i miss when the joke characters didn't become Other joke characters and then serious characters. Yuri but as in "Girls' Love" following an incomprehensible deconstruction of That Word by one very unfortunate man driven to 1hp by The Dove Mauler hanging on by the skin of a coinflip just so i can draw women

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Step into the light with me.

i think it was Yesterday? maybe a few days ago i accidentally ended up with like 20 completely normal photos of homura on my phone like i just Started saving her like i was completely losing it. it made me consider making a folder a-la CoN Stash of Specifically Homura but i didn't want to do that. not Her she's like, Too normal but sometimes i get very bad shakes and see madoka when i blink

whatever stupid fucking relationship i have with homura is a lot like the one i have with dex, who Also appears in my brain sometimes and i think becomes half of it and he makes me Angry to acknowledge but i also simultaneously Can't ignore him or else i suffer withdrawal symptoms. you'd be surprised to hear how many times i forget he's perceived by five people and a paperclip tops when i go to search for him on pinterest or something just to remember "OH RIGHT" and then have to go dig up the comic itself because we live in the bad timeline

if anything it's Good he doesn't get a source material because of what any more panels of him would Do to me but we've established i live in the bad timeline so i have to put up with what homura has done to me, which is like the same thing to the left. i can't tell if she makes me More or Less angry or something secret and deeply evil. i think something similar happened with karl back in the day but less so to several degrees. do you ever just accidentally become a guy isn't it always the worst kind of guy