lazyartisticeye - Tumblr blog

[lazyartisticeye]

A Few Choice Words To The MLB or The Apple or Whatever Marketing Person Who Thought Exclusively Streaming a Giants - Dodgers Game Was A Brilliant Way To Entice Fans To Sign Up To Apple Plus' Free Week Trial

Fuck you. It didn't work.

[lazyartisticeye]

And In Sports... Pride!

As much as the eyes and I enjoyed the 3 game series between the Dodgers and Giants at Oracle Park in S.F. this weekend - where we swept em up royally, then smacked their blue bottoms with the broom, for good measure. As much as we enjoyed that, it wasn't nearly as pleasing as hearing our San Francisco announcers subtly call out Fox Sports for the crappy stunt they pulled during their broadcast of Saturday's Pride themed game.

I searched all over the interweb, yet found only one article that addressed the issue. But it's a good read, so... Read It Here. Then, come back and tell me who you'd choose for your fantasy sandlot team pitcher. 1. Kurt Busch 2. Amy Schneider Ha! Tough shit, I already picked Amy.

[lazyartisticeye]

Eurovision, Take Me Away!

My fellow Americans, all sullen and angry and full of despair, I bring you hope! I bring you joy! I bring you Eurovision. This weeks Eurovision semi-finals were hosted (in North America) by America's favorite sun, Johnny Weir. (The eyes and I found him quite delightful, btw) And since pictures are worth so much more than words, I'm gonna just post some random snapshots we took, and then link to the official website, so check it out!

It's a fun watch, especially with a joint or cocktail in hand.. or preferably with a joint and a cocktail in each hand. And best part is, you can still experience this crazy cultural phenomenon as The Eurovision Song Contest Finale will air this Saturday! Eurovision 2022 - officially streaming in the USofA on Peacock+ (but there are probably 'alternatives' out there, too. You just gotta find em for yourself.)

[lazyartisticeye]

Killing Eve

Killing Eve: the Finale Unlike everyone else on Planet Internet, the eyes and I waited more than a week before coming here to post our feelings about the Killing Eve finale. We did this for several reasons. 1. We needed time to process it 2. We needed time to process it some more. 3. Well, I’ll go to that in a bit... Lazy Eye, though disappointed, wasn’t at all surprised at the ending, and was quick to say I told you so. But the more sensitive Artistic Eye actually shed a few tears. Not because the ending was,in any way, poignant or touching... but because the ending came abruptly and too soon, leaving Artistic sadly unsatisfied. And, I will ante up my two cents by saying the finale of KE was the biggest pile of (both bull and chicken) shit that soulless TV execs have ever dumped on us. (If you wanna read a more eloquent and thoughtful assessment of the Killing Eve controversy, head to this link.. I’ll just wait here. But don’t forget to come back afterwards, ok?  I’ve still got ranting to do.) 

Ah, you came back. Good. Thanks. Because, I really do want to tell you about reason number 3. It’s the main reason that it took me this long to get here. It was the hardest thing for me to process. Like constipation hard, if you know what I mean. (I’m also aware that in waiting so long, this ranty little essay might seem akin to picking at a scab, which.. well, yeah, I guess it is.)  The Weeping Wound 3. The eyes and I honestly did not think that the finale was the real finale. (Ok, even more honestly, Artistic Eye and I believed that. Lazy just called us hopeless.) But then, that’s how highly I thought of this program. It had been so perfectly crafted.. The casting, the acting, the writing, the timing, the music, the tension, the locations, the violence.  All of it. But best of all, it had been so outa the box. It was queer, and unapologetic, and just so much mind fucking, gut wrenching fun to watch. *sigh* So then, why wouldn’t I believe that anyone involved in such a production would have to be crazy, cool, and creative as fuck. ( I wasn’t the only one who believed this, either.) And I held onto that belief, throughout all the trippiness that was season 4, because I knew that the brilliantly twisted minds behind KE would eventually give it purpose. Then, of course, they’d give it the outrageous send off, it deserved. However, as the world now knows, that did not happen. Didn’t even come close to happening. Instead, as it so often does, the end came in swiftly, riding tall, on a bullet. Bang! The End. Roll credits. Hear Lazy Eye say I told you so.

The Festering Artistic and I got through that following week by sketching out our own version of the real finale, which we called...

The Real Finale

(TPTB  (both real and fictitious) as well as casual viewers would easily accept Villanelle’s abrupt assassination, and move on. But the faithful knew there was still more to come...)

Episode Setting: Exactly 7 days from the fake finale. In what was the KE’s time slot something called The Epilogue is listed. Hmmmm…

Tuning in we see Villanelle, dripping wet. We see Carolyn walking up to her and handing her a towel and dry clothes. We get some backstory. The why and how Villanelle’s death was faked. Somewhere along the way, V and C have bonded. Maybe they have a common cause, or maybe they decided to go rogue, or perhaps (something clever to be filled in later.) Eve doesn’t know. She believes that V died. She’s even a witness to her death. It was V’s wish not to tell E. Maybe to protect her, maybe to break from her, or (something new to be filled in later) Of course, E will find out. Much emotional mayhem and grim hilarity will ensue, etc. Maybe, in the end, they (C,V, and E) will spin off into a new program called The Three, or (something cooler to be filled in later.) - The End

We quite liked out little scenario, though we knew that the actual Real Finale would put our paltry effort to shame. As the week progressed, it dawned upon us that this epic epilogue would be airing on April 17th, Easter Sunday. And with that revelation, all the little leftover KE puzzle pieces snapped into place. 

Like, all that Villajesus business at the start of the season. And the totally misleading interview by that head writer.. it was just a fucking red herring. Everyone (both real and fictitious) believed Villanelle was dead. We hated the show because we believed she was dead. Hell, we all witnessed her assassination. But, HA! Artistic and I were practically giddy knowing that Villanelle would rise up on Easter Sunday. And what a bloody brilliant television event that will be! We even did the happy dance of anticipation. That’s when Lazy called us hopeless.

The Scar Supposedly, Jesus rises early, on Easter. Up with the sun, and making the rounds to show off his wounds. But, we waited all day for Villanelle.   At 10pm we called it. Called it as the time of death.. Except, technically she’s been dead for a week now, quietly decomposing, in her shallow, unmarked grave.

[lazyartisticeye]

GIZMOPLEX

now showing... Invaders From The Deep - 1984 Remember when you were a kid and you went to the Saturday afternoon movies with your friends and there was always at least one person who wanted to sneak in and asked you to push open the emergency exit and leave it ajar so they can sneak in once the lights went out?

Neither do I.

[lazyartisticeye]

SHE'S BACK!

Killing Eve (final season) Sunday, Feb 27 5pm (pst) BBC/America

[lazyartisticeye]

Devil Girl From Mars - 1954/2018 RiffTrax (a stripped down MST3000) is one of our favorite ways to waste away precious time. Mike and the guys are great, of course, but we particularly enjoy it when the girls (Bridget and Mary Jo) get to have their say.

With Devil Girl From Mars, our riff girls find themselves in a drab old inn somewhere in Scotland during the infamous 1954 invasion from Mars. It was only a one woman invasion, but she was really posh sounding. She bullied the town's folk and enjoyed flaunting Mars' superior technological, intellectual and fashion achievements. Artistic Eye said the Devil Girl represented English oppression, while Bridget and Mary Jo riffed her unmercifully. In the end, Scotland prevailed.

And you have been warned, England.

[lazyartisticeye]

ALL FLUXED UP Dr Who: The 13th Doctor (Jodie Whittaker) seasons 11-13 First the good news. This last season of Doctor Who was the best of Chibnall's 3 season reign, as showrunner. Now the bad news. This last season of Doctor Who did not satisfy.. not even one little bit. Oh, it was brimming with action and revelations and CGI. It offered an epic on-going story that allowed for many gratuitous guest appearances. I mean, honestly, it had everything, and probably seemed like a great idea... on paper. Still, for all it gave us visually, it offered nothing of the visceral. There were no gut punches, no heartbreaking moments.. and that's because, even though there was such dialogue, it was never attached to any real emotions. I heard the words, but couldn't feel them. And if I can't feel them, then I can't care. And, frankly, I would rather feel hate towards the Doctor, than to have no feelings at all. There's still a couple of specials to come, the first one being this New Year's Day. Of course, I already have a feeling that I'll be feeling a bit ill that day.

[lazyartisticeye]

Watch this..

Then watch this...

Then watch this again and tell me how respectful it is.

[lazyartisticeye]

Previously on Lazyartisticeye

GRACE & FRANKIE pt 1

and now.. GRACE & FRANKIE pt 2 4 episodes! Just 4 episodes and then this...

Hell, the joint I was smoking lasted longer than my binge watch, and the rest of the season won't start until 2022..

Wait, did that say final episodes?

[lazyartisticeye]

Finally, They're Back!

Now, make me laugh, you magnificent bitches.

[lazyartisticeye]

Wynonna Earp- season 5 is finally on Netflix, and outa the clutches of SyFy. Watch it uncut, with no commercials. Just a stream of bat-shit-crazy hitting the happily-ever-after fan. Makes for a good binge watch. And yet even though all the loose ends were knotted up nicely, one tiny scene lingered on in my head, unresolved...

[lazyartisticeye]

The Man Who Fell To Earth

I have adored David Bowie (in varying degrees) for over 30 years. I adored the way his mind worked. It was innovative and thoughtful (as in, his mind was full of thought.) He was both timely and ahead of his time. Hell, he was just so fucking different from you or me. I mean, he could very easily have been a space alien.. if he’d wanted to be. I also feel it important to mention that it is not in my nature to gush over public figures, especially in public.. but Bowie was kinda like my Jesus. And even though the ‘worship’ wore off, as the years wore on, he still continued to amaze me. Back in 2016, when I heard that he’d died, both my Lazy and Artistic eye went all misty and blurry, for a few minutes. The Man Who Fell To Earth (1976) on Netflix

It’s like Leaving Las Vegas, but on a more galactic scale. Thomas Jerome Newton is...

With a running time of 138 mins (and for some viewers, a slow 138 minutes) TMWFTE may be a bit of a struggle to sit through. But then you must remember that this was a UK production, not some Hollywood Blockbuster.. which means there was an abundance of pubic hair and nipples, but only one actual explosion. paused for kitchen/bathroom break

[lazyartisticeye]

Not a public service announcement

Cop, Grandpa, Thief..

Recently, Tom Selleck was seen sitting on a park bench, somewhere in a very lovely America.  Looking dapper in his finest grandpa clothes, he had popped by to deliver an important message to us older Americans. He had information we might find useful. Information we surely could trust. His words were sincere, and his tone was comforting, so I let him talk. He then went on to proselytize for reverse mortgages. “Look, if I thought it was a trick to take away your home, I wouldn’t even be here.” He said. “It’s a loan, just like any other loan.. The difference is how you pay it back.” “Uh-huh.” I mumbled, as I hit mute. Now, you may remember Mr. Selleck as the dashing young Thomas Magnum from Magnum, P.I. (An 80s detective show.) Or more recently, as Frank Reagan on Blue Bloods. (A still running cop show.) Then again, you might even recognize him as Tom Selleck the actor/rancher busted for stealing water during the 2015 California drought. The incident seemed to be treated rather lightly. The Calleguas municipal water district vs Selleck was settled out of court. The terms were undisclosed. . Also, contrary to the rumors, Mr Selleck’s important message was not a condition of that settlement. He is not making a public service announcement. It is an ad, like any other of the hundreds of ads that are aimed at ‘older’ Americans, every single day. Fucking supplemental MediCare insurance ads. Fucking emergency medical alert system commercials. Fucking life insurance, fucking senior home care, and homes for seniors commercials. Fucking ‘Madison Avenue’ vultures! You’ve been picking at our flesh since the day that we were born, and now you wanna pick at our bones. Well, I’ll have you know, that as long as I can push the mute button, I’m gonna silence you. I’m gonna live my life and spend my money the way that I want. In spite of you! And I believe I’ll start with some of this nice weed and a glass of wine.. And maybe a steak for dinner.. yeah. So, mute you, vultures! Of course, like Mr. Selleck, I don’t know if a reverse mortgage (or any of that other crap) is right for you or not. And while grandpa Tom suggests that you call the number* on your screen to find out, I suggest that you hit mute, and call for a pizza delivery, instead. Oh, and you also might wanna keep an eye on your water. * number that has been altered to one of those Hollywood fake ones, like they use on TV shows. Just seemed like the right thing to do.

[lazyartisticeye]

May We Suggest... That Girl (1966 - 1971) Staring: Marlo Thomas, Ted Bessell, Bernie Kopell

This week’s suggestion comes from Lazy Eye who discovered this program when the remote fell off the couch and hit the Samsung TV Plus app button. Being too lazy to reach down and pick it up, we all just sat there and watched a two hour block of That Girl. I’m happy to say that after all these years, it was still quite watchable. (Though 2 hours was a bit long.) In it’s day the show was considered both bold and cute. Marlo Thomas played Ann Marie, the spunky young woman who goes off to the big city with a big dream.. you know, to be a star on Broadway. Ted Bessell played her good natured boy friend, Donald Hollinger.  I think he was a news or magazine writer. Ann Marie represented the new modern woman. A wacky free spirit.. that wasn’t tooo free, if you know what I mean. (Like, I don’t think she and Don went all the way.. at least not in the first few seasons.)

The eps we watched were probably from season 3 or 4. I honestly don’t remember if she married Don in the last season or not. I do know that Ann Marie wanted to, but not so sure if Marlo did.

[lazyartisticeye]

Skip Intro! Please, Internet, please.. tell me how this ever happened? Tell me, who is at fault for choosing this god-awful Vegas wedding chapel song as the theme for Enterprise? Enterprise.. as in Star Trek! There must be a blog or podcast out there (points at computer screen) that addresses this travesty. So, I ask you to explore, Internet. I ask you to search and bring back the missing links to this story. Because, honestly, it’s buggin the shit outa me, and I’m not even a trekkie.

[lazyartisticeye]

I was doing the dishes, while listening to #eurovision on the tv in the living room. With so many countries singing in English, I found that if I missed the intro, I couldn't even make an uneducated guess as to where they might come from.. Except, of course, the dude representing the UK, who really stood out.. in a sad kinda way.