lazyjellyfishcreation

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also because all of the other kids have/have wanted to break the no1 rule (exept for Duke, but I sencerely doupt he would touch the cowl with a 10 ft pole)

jason kills, Dick has killed the joker and then bruce brought him back, Tim blew up a lot of people, Damian is gettin better with the whole no killing thing, but that's out of respect for his dad, not his own morality. Stephanie probably would kill if pressed.

all of them would kill / would kill if given a reason, expet for cassandra. she did it once, because she was a young child and pressured into it, and it still haunts her to this day. she truly, in her heart of hearts, believes that every life is precious, and that everyone deserves a second chance, and that's why she should be batman.

she has the same core as bruce, the same gritted and dark hope that people can be better. only she can be that symbol

The biggest reason Cass is the only natural option as heir to The Batman comes from the fact that every other character’s growth relies on them at some point either removing themselves somewhat or completely leaving the Bat symbol behind. Cassandra is the outlier whose found a reason to live on as that same symbol.

We can argue day and night who the best vigilante, detective, fighter, hero, strategist, or whatever is but none of that changes who can survive being the symbol without losing themselves in the process of following Batman’s footsteps.

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Duke is unapologetic for everything that comes out of his mouth. In fact, give him a mic, he'll say it louder.

Some way too old for that guy, trying to flirt with Cass: You know, you seem so mature for your age…

Duke, popping out of nowhere: And you're really fucking dumb for yours, man, fix this puddle of desperation on your head first and only then think about trying to fit into society. If even your hair doesn't want to be with you, what are you counting on?

Cass, who really didn't want to ruin her cute dress with blood: 👍🏻

A really annoying paparazzi: Hey, boy, how does it feel to become rich after, well, whatever you were before? Have your, erm, extracurricular activities changed? What's your favourite thing to do now?

Duke, with the straightest face known to mankind: No, it's still your mom. My favourite extracurricular activity, planning to do her more actually, thanks for the question.

Bruce, trying to parent a whole ass teen: So…

Duke: I really shouldn't have told this terrible, rude, insufferable piece of person to go eat shit. I genuinely regret it. I should have told her to go eat shit and die choking, such a missed opportunity, damn, I'm still upset.

Bruce: ...

Bruce, to himself: Why am I even trying?

There are a bunch of compilations on YouTube and Tiktok “Duke Thomas-Wayne has no PR training whatsoever”. Duke personally likes every single one of them.

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people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

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i know there’s a lot of different interpretations of Gotham’s layout and the different areas, and i generally don’t consider them to be close to each other, but i have seen other interpretations that put the narrows and crime alley quite close together,,, and it has my mind spinning because man. there has got to be a way to get Duke and Jason to be pre-batman childhood friends, right?!

generally speaking, prime-batfam-fic-au-ages usually put Tim at around 14-15 when Red Hood appears, only a few years younger than Jason who i always like to be 17 during his prime Red Hood days because,, well because its funnier for Batman to be struggling up against a teenage crime lord rather than just a crime lord. Damian is usually then introduced as anything from 10-13 when he comes to Gotham and we know that Duke is the second youngest of the batfamily, between Tim and Damian in age. so really, Duke could be somewhere around 13/14 when Red Hood first appears. that gives them only like a 3/4 year age difference.

i’m just imagining a world where street-kid Jason is doing his thing wandering around, probably already serving as a caretaker/protector figure for some of the other street kids because that’s just who Jason is, when he comes across this fuckin. eight year old kid. just fucking shit up somewhere. he finds out this kid actually does have parents and has no reason whatsoever to be antagonising local gang members on the edge of the narrows without supervision and so Jason steps in and takes him home. Duke loved meeting Jason, Duke’s mom got her kid returned, and Jason got a free dinner as thanks from the little guys parents for herding him back home. everybody wins.

except Duke keeps fucking coming back. he actually starts purposely trying to get to crime alley so he can go meet with his new, older, sophisticated friend (during dinner Jason got into a twenty minute discussion about classic literature with his mother, Duke’s doesn’t care that his new friend is homeless he 100% views Jason as fancy) that he met a few weeks back. and so Jason is stuck just continuously finding this kid alone in the streets, hanging out with him, ushering him back to his parents house, and begrudgingly starting to like Duke because as annoying it is that he has no fucking self preservation, he is kinda funny.

obviously they would lose contact due to both of their lives becoming somewhat complicated later down the line; they probably forget about each other for a few years, i just think it would be funny if some time after Red Hood settled into a truce with the family he showed up to the manor for a rare occasion of agreeing to spend the evening with them, and Dick greets him at the door like,

Dick: hey man. heads up, B found another one.

Jason: …already? i JUST let him keep Damian.

Dick: yeah. this one’s a meta.

Jason:

Dick: come meet him! we’ve been telling him that Red Hood is his brother now, he doesn’t believe we have a truce.

and then they walk into the dining room and Duke is stood there and he and Jason both just kinda. stop. not even shocked, just staring at each other blankly. processing. Jason slowly narrows his eyes and Duke tilts his head upwards slightly, and everyone is just looking between them in confusion until Dick, who was there when Damian showed up at the manor, started going out as Robin, and got into exactly the same kind of stand off with Red Hood right before they found out that Hood was adopted by Talia in the league and was already Damian’s brother, and he just throws his hands up to curse ‘god FUCK he knows this one already too. are you kidding me?!’

Duke, pointing at Jason: you have guns now?!

Jason: you have META POWERS NOW?!

Duke: YOU WERE ROBIN?!

Jason: I SWEAR YOU HAD PARENTS?!?!

Duke: I THINK WE SHOULD CATCH UP.

Jason: SO DO I.

Bruce, honestly so tired: whatever this is, could you do it while we eat? Alfred already served.

-

Dick, to Jason: can you stop meeting our younger siblings before Bruce does?

Jason: can you make Bruce stop adopting everybody i meet when he isn’t around?

i also just think it would be funny if little kid Duke Thomas sees on the news that Jason Todd, his weird kinda older-brother/mentor/street protector figure has been adopted by Brucie Wayne and carted off to the elite side of Gotham to drink from crystal glasses and discuss Important Things with the rich people during galas, and his little eight year old mind remembers watching Jason enthusiastically discuss the underlying tones in Jane Austin novels over afternoon tea after dragging Duke back home from the alley way he was trying to befriend stray cats in, and he’s just like. ah. Jason has been taken to his natural habitat. he shall thrive.

meanwhile Jason is having a panic attack in a cupboard mid charity gala because while stressfully trying to fit in and talk with the crowds of elites, a woman jokingly said he looked ‘so cute all dolled up for these events, like Bruce has a new purse dog to showcase!’ and Jason instinctively called her a plant-pot shaped twat with cactus legs only to realise that this wasn’t the streets and he probably shouldn’t insult people like that and now he’s worried that the woman is going to snitch to Bruce and Bruce is going to realise he isn’t cut out for this and throw him away-

and then years down the line when Duke is taken to his first fancy elite event he stands next to Jason like ‘you probably loved these things as a kid, right?’ and Jason just stares at him for a real long time.

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Steve Rogers is what America aspires to be.

Noble. Principled. A dream of justice forged in war and tempered in humility.

John is what America becomes when it forgets its conscience.

Brutal. Entitled. A weapon wearing a flag, mistaking might for right.

But Sam?

Sam Wilson is what America actually is—and what it must be willing to become to live up to its promises.

He’s a Black man who picked up a shield never meant for him. He’s A soldier and a social worker. Someone who’s walked the streets, flown through war zones, and looked politicians dead in the eye to say, “Do better.”

He didn’t inherit the dream blindly like Steve.

He doesn’t try to dominate the symbol like John.

He questions it. Challenges it. Rebuilds it.

He knows every crack in the foundation.

Every name written in red ink between the stars and stripes.

And still carries the shield. Not to defend the lie of greatness, but to fight for the truth of justice.

He’s not perfect. [Lies. He’s perfect]

Not mythic or externally enhanced—He’s just real.

That’s why he matters more than ever.

Because Sam Wilson is the bridge between what America says it is, and what it has to become if it ever wants to be whole.

⸻

🦅 Our Captain America is not the man who wore the shield first, and most likely won’t be the last. He’s the man who chose to wear it when it would’ve been easier not to.

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Not my white ass locked in the duke’s dungeon again because I fucked his favorite jester 😩

I didn’t know he was so territorial over the silly little guy 🙄

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Odypen sketch yay yay yippee wahoo

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Not my white ass locked in the duke’s dungeon again because I fucked his favorite jester 😩

I didn’t know he was so territorial over the silly little guy 🙄

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The gay angel and all the women who wanted him

And that’s not even including all the waitresses…or Dean

Reblog or not I couldn’t care less I care so much

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Criminal that we didn't have a Supernatural vintage car show episode, come on now

Dean can infiltrate no problem bc he genuinely knows everything about cars and gets super into discussing fixes, gets wildly side-tracked, while Sam goes off to interrogate a bunch of car-enthusiast hot milfs

Dean is glued at the hip to Cas and Cas always stands awkwardly at the Impala, doesn't know anything about cars, so everyone just assumes Cas is the boyfriend who showed up for support? And the hot young ladies in shorts and boots befriend him bc he's apparently one of the hot girlfriends? And so he gets insight into their lives and solves the case, leading them final-girl style through the monster showdown in a garage full of heavy machinery and angry ghosts

Dean watches him emerge from the garage, shotgun in hand, shirt torn and covered in grease, and he bluescreens so hard he just runs past the flock of bombshells in shorts and tank tops (also covered in grease) to clutch Cas to check him for injuries

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in my heart i feel very strongly that dean and cas ‘get married’* well before sam and eileen do

*incidentally say vows during an argument (dean) or sex (cas), decide they’re married, get rings, and start calling each other their husband. this happens any time between 30 min and 3 months after they first get together.

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One of my favourite headcanons to think about is Steve having a thick Irish accent (preferably north dublin) when he and Bucky are younger and Bucky copying how he says some words with his accent and sometimes accidentally ending up speaking with a north Dublin accent while speaking to other people.

And then after the ice, when he’s mad or arguing with someone, he’ll have a mixed Brooklyn and Dublin accent and literally none of the avengers can understand him 😭

Steve: “oi down’t understand whatch’yer sayin’ now feck off Barton.” (I don’t understand what you’re saying Barton, when people with specifically north Dublin accents say ‘I’, they say it like oi) (and feck is a word Irish people use instead of fuck)

Clint: “what in the ever living fuck did you just say”

Bucky: “he said he down’t understand whatch’yer sayin’ now feck off Barton.”

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anyway society if one of sam's psychic abilities was pyrokinesis. he gets a little too heated in an argument with dean and the air around him starts to warm, the pages of the book he was reading catch on fire. he takes a step forward and the carpet where he was standing is singed and dean has to back away because for a second he can only think of azazel standing in sam's nursery before the walls went up in flames

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imagine sitting next to sam winchester in prelaw 101 and you’re like can i borrow a pencil and he hefts his backpack onto the table and it’s noisy and lumpy like he’s got a bunch of coins in there and he rummages around and pulls out a pencil and you’re like thanks. do you have a sharpener by any chance and he pauses and looks between you and his bag a few times and reaches in and hands you a pocket knife

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Comfort

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...just one day in the bunker if Cass was exhausted of just the eyefuck.