leave---now - Tumblr blog

[leave---now]

I kinda miss being in a toxic relationship

Because at least then I knew they thought about me enough to abuse me

That they cared about me enough to abuse me

And I’d rather be abused then be ignored

[leave---now]

I wish I wasn’t a pussy and could just relapse

I wish I hadn’t stayed clean for so long now it’s so hard to

I wish I could just let myself go again

[leave---now]

All I want if for someone to hold me and tell me it’s gonna be ok and that they’ll always love me no matter how broken I am

[leave---now]

I’m almost a year clean

So why do I want to cut so bad I was doing so I am doing so good and I don’t know what to do I got a piece of body art done to signify the end of that chapter of my life

But every time I get a little scratch, burn, bruise, whatever I just get the overwhelming urge to completely mutilate myself and I can’t cause i promised them I wouldn’t

[leave---now]

be more obsessed with me. pay more attention to me. only me. get jealous. be possessive. threaten me. stalk me on everything. send me letters. send me death threats. i don't care as long as you want me. only me.

[leave---now]

I’m so hungry but physically can’t bring myself to eat

I know this is the beginning of a downward spiral

And part of me wants to stop it but the other part of me wants to just stop trying

[leave---now]

Sorry for being inactive btw I was getting better but guess not anymore

I mean it’s the cycle of my life I guess

Every time things start to go well it all crumbles around me and gets worse than before

I wasn’t built to be happy or content so why do keep letting myself believe I am

[leave---now]

FUCK THIS

I’m too young to be dealing with all this bullshit

[leave---now]

I wish you would talk to me

Why won’t you talk to me?

[leave---now]

This has been me all fucking month

that feeling of needing constant reassurance, questioning someone’s love for you for the tiniest reason even though they’re treating you better than anyone ever did before, feeling horrible for putting so much pressure on them but not being able to help it because of that need of constant reassurance<<<<

[leave---now]

I spend every moment thinking of you

All I want is for you to think of me once

[leave---now]

I need to cut so bad right now but can’t and it’s physically making me sick

[leave---now]

I got scratched by a dog today and the feeling and look of it scaring over reminded me so much of a cut and it just feels and looks so nice

God I miss it

[leave---now]

It’s me

I’m the problem

[leave---now]

I feel so trapped in this house and I hate it

It makes me want to fucking die

[leave---now]

I can’t cut because of what he said because if I do it’s his fault and i love him too much to let my stupid self destruction be his fault

[leave---now]

I must be so deeply unlovable for everyone to leave me so easily