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God bless Mat on The Great British Bake Off for whipping out a genuine Victorian pie tin from 1850 for his Victorian meat pie to be baked in and saying this:

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Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

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if i switched bodies with someone they’d probably ask why everything hurts nd i would just be like “thats just how she works”

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When students say that we aren't going to have time to cover everything before the end of the semester

I’m like:

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other girls: starbucks, iPhone, one direction, uggs and yoga pants, John Green, boys, fake tan

me: pale, glasses, wigs, reading papers in latin, fighting for the populace, guillotines. i am maximilien robespierre

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i’d be a terrible superhero i’d be at home and see the signal calling me in the sky and be like “i literally just sat down”

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Me??? Upset???? Constantly????? Yes.

Hamlet, Act I, Scene II (via incorrectshakespeare)

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Literally heard a convo at the library where a guy was telling a girl that he’s an omega and the girl telling him that she’s a beta, and my mind just did not automatically connect the context to fraternity pledge classes at all and I just whispered to myself “what the fuck?? What the fuck??”

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me at school: when i get home im gonna be productive’

me at home: good nite 

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me: *overestimates the length of a yellow light and completely 100% runs a red light* me while driving away: I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I

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i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm

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imagine if marx wrote the way donald trump speaks

Look, We can bring class struggle back. That I will tell you. We’re bringing it back. Okay? And I understand what you’re saying. And I get that from so many people. ‘Is class struggle dead?’ They are asking me the question, ‘Is class struggle dead?’ And the proletariat is in trouble. That I can tell you. Okay? It’s in trouble. But we’re going to bring class struggle back.

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i like in hamilton how they tell us that the islanders all chipped in to make sure that hamilton could go to the mainland and Make Something Of Himself like HE IS TOO TALENTED TO REMAIN HERE

but then much later its like… “he used to give 6 hour long speeches” and ur like… ok… sure. “would you like to donate to a good cause ma’am” “what cause” “sending alexander hamilton to another continent” “heres my life savings”

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the weather forcast for tomorrow is sunny with a few clouds and *squints at ram liver* your inevitable fall from grace due to offending Zeus

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so many people overlook the genuine love of friends. how platonic relationships sometimes are more permanent. friendships like “hang on let me send you a nude i want you to tell me if this underwear looks good”. friendships like no, don’t, the peach looks literally so much better on you, you pop in peach. friendships like dump him but i understand why it’s hard for you to let go of deep relationships so i’ll be here until you do dump him and i’ll be the only one not to say “i told you so.” friendships like call me at three in the morning because of a spider, like hey saw this and thought of you but it’s a spongebob meme, like people think we’re dating and we honestly haven’t corrected them, like tell you the truth even if it’s a hard one to hear, like trust you with my life. friendships like wait i have the perfect outfit for you to wear on your date i’m driving the 45 minutes so we can play dressup and talk about flirting. like i know when to comfort you and when to distract you. like you’re kind of my favorite person but like also don’t tell anyone i said that i will deny it you’re gross and a jerk. like i know you’re sad come over i made cider and halloweentown is queued up and ready to go. like i will use your body as a shield between myself and the scary movie but i have also jumped someone for speaking badly to you. like you’ve been my rock my sword and the person who drags my drunk ass home. like that love that’s just two people who can sit in a room together with a bottle of wine in our bodies talking about how directors make poor color choices in movies. that’s love. don’t write it off because they don’t make movies around it. but that’s love.