letsretireearly

[letsretireearly]

Planning for the Future

I am ready.

I will soon be free of this corporate office that has been a 2nd home for me for the past 8 years. I say 2nd home because I spent 9 hours (if not more) a day there, 5 days a week, for 8 years. That's a lot of time spent within the confines of a cubicle that I decorated and tried to make less depressing.

Now, I am letting things go. I got rid of stacks of scrap paper I meant to use to waste less paper. I gave my air purifier (that I got through work) to another co-worker. I started taking down some artwork. Cleaning out.

At home, I am trying to keep my head on straight. The plan sounds good out loud, a month to volunteer and participate in the community, a month of heavy job searching/applying, and if nothing, back to the temp agency I go.

But sometimes in my head, I panic. I stress. All normal human reactions I assume, with such a big change. Without much of a safety net, other than some emergency savings.

I think all will go well. It is time to spread my wings and transition.

[letsretireearly]

I QUIT.

Yes, that's right. At the beginning of the year, I was like - oh, I should see how I can save money to retire early.

But after many thoughts and feelings...I have decided my current job is not for me. And to just continue on for the next couple decades and stay just because....felt like the worst thing I could do to myself.

So now, this has become a journey to what my next step in life and career will be.

I have a couple more weeks of work as I transition out, but I have already started my plan for at least the next 3 months.

I volunteered yesterday at a festival admissions table and earned a dessert in return. Ended the night with a sound bath and s'mores.

It's not going to be easy - but as long as I have a plan and structure, I hope I can find what I need to do next.

[letsretireearly]

What is My Purpose?

It's a question I ask myself a lot.

I landed a corporate gig after moving to the area through a temp agency, dropped off in a typical office with white walls, harsh overhead LED lighting, and maroon/grey cubicle walls. I didn't choose to be there or applied ; I just knew I needed a job and an income. I had little to no savings and no retirement fund, having spent a lot of my money in the previous year on a gym membership and shopping therapy to cope with a unsteady relationship at the time and a toxic work environment.

So, this corporate job was my chance to be responsible. Save. Invest. Take advantage of the 401K matching program.

It's been 8 years. And I am still in that same cubicle.

I have changed jobs over the 8 years, staying on the same team, but receiving promotions. And I think to myself, I should be happy. So why am I not happy?

Well, in the 8 years, I was not the only variable that changed at the company. Lots of changes occurred, staff turnover, company culture. And I am just feeling burnt out.

Which leads me back to the question I ask time and time again?

What is my purpose?

The company tries to push its mission and connection to purpose, that the product we make impacts people's health and lives.

But when I am reviewing documentation and having to battle with my own co-workers about making changes so that we don't get shut down by an auditing body, it's hard to think about purpose. Instead, I feel frustrated, worn out, and bored. 8 years with the same team. 8 years of the same cubicle without a window in sight.

What am I doing? Well, it took long enough, but I feel financially stable enough to start looking elsewhere, particularly in a job that I believe I would find purpose. Because, and I cannot believe I am about to use a quote from 1) How I Met Your Mother and 2) a character that was known as The Naked Man, but "Even if it sounds completely crazy, what is it you want to do with your life? .... Great, then every decision you make from here on out should be in service of that".

I want to help people who are struggling to make ends meet. I want to preserve and conserve our environment (i.e parks, trails). I want to strengthen community and make arts and culture more available to the community.

I have started my search of nonprofit and higher education jobs.

I will most likely see a paycut from what I do now.

But I cannot imagine working another 20-30 or so years, retiring and looking back at my work history and how miserable and burnt out I was at a job. I do not want to look back and see how I didn't change or how I stayed in that SAME cubicle for decades because I felt too safe/comfortable/scared to see if grass was greener on the other side.

I still plan to retire early, but I also know that I cannot let me mental health and life's purpose be sacrificed for a bigger paycheck to make it "easier" to retire early. Pay comes and goes and I make adjustments. Like they say, always can make more money, but you cannot make more TIME.

[letsretireearly]

Sunday for Cooking

Part of saving money is cooking at home and cooking what I have.

This morning, I made waffles from scratch and topped them with strawberries from my last CSA pick up that looked like they were about to go bad - so finished them off.

I began to use a focaccia mix that has been hanging around my pantry. Takes a while of waiting for dough to proof a couple times, but it's well worth the wait. I chopped up veggies (also from the CSA and last week's grocery trips). I placed zucchini, onion, green pepper, and cherry tomatoes in the dough and baked it. It came out great.

I also used up frozen green onion for a fried rice. Eggs, bacon, green onion, and rice, fried up with some oil. Added soy sauce and black pepper and it tasted awesome.

I boiled a couple eggs for lunch tomorrow. I am getting a double CSA pickup this week, which includes eggs, so I will have a lot of veggies and 24 eggs.

Basically, today is just for cooking and baking. I look in the fridge for what I can use up and make something tasty and filling.

Defrosted some frozen sausages and chicken for the week too - hopefully I can make it through the whole week without a grocery trip!

[letsretireearly]

What Matters

It's just been so chaotic. A lot has occurred.

I had connected with friends who said they were laid off. My circle of friends now being unemployed or underemployed is growing.

On top of that, there is chaos in the news. Is there no good news? Everything just seems so bad in the community, in the country, and in the world.

It makes me feel so helpless. How can we save people. How can we help people.

Despite this helpless feeling, I have tried to take actions so I can be present in my community and make an impact, if not in small ways.

My workplace had a donation box for a community center focused on the LGBTQ community. They had a list of items they needed, so I picked up maxi pads and deodorant in bulk and brought them over. I talked about it with my boyfriend's mother, who then gave me some money to go buy more: more maxi pads and toothpaste in bulk. I helped fill up a donation box in the hallway, and saw others had contributed various cleaning items and nonperishable foods.

I also volunteered at a Blue Zones event in the community. I was assigned to a local restaurant to help sign off on trail "passports" as people visited to sample some food. I connected with the owner and cook at the restaurant, as well as help make people coming in feel welcomed and joy.

I donated books to the library book sale. I also grabbed their adult "summer reading" checklist to motivate myself to read more.

Look - I know these actions aren't very "big". I worry about the future of the community I live in, the country I live in, and the world I live in. But if I can take these small actions and keep threading them throughout my life and share them with friends and people in my community, I hope it inspires them to take small actions as well.

I am still very focused on my finances and saving and investing - but I also have the freedom to look at my budgets and say, hey, I can spend some money to donate to an organization ; I have time to help out an organization ; I have resources to help an organization.

Keep working on joy and peace.

[letsretireearly]

A List of Life

While looking back at previous blogs that are somehow still existing, I found one where I created a list of things I wanted to accomplish in the year. And for the most part, they were fun ideas. Not "get a promotion" or "exercise everyday". They were items like "go ice skating" and "decorate a cake".

I would like to revive a list like this now. I know we are almost halfway through the year, but I think it's better to start now than wait for later.

My List of Fun Things to Do for the Remainder of the Year

Go to a drive-in movie.

Cook a new recipe.

See some free outdoor music.

Picnic outside.

Volunteer for a fun event.

Finish reading my book on Svalbard.

Go to a National Park.

Watercolor.

Do embroidery.

Take another art class.

Bake something new and extra delicious.

Sit on a beach.

That's it for now, but I will add as time goes on!

[letsretireearly]

Well, last week sucked.

No, seriously, last week sucked. I had to work 12+ hours each day last week, and since I no longer am hourly, that meant no overtime pay. I had no choice. I couldn't say no. I couldn't transfer my responsibilities to someone else on the team. I was stuck at work into the night.

That being said, it is Monday and I took a mental health day. The weekend was just not enough for me to decompress and recuperate. I didn't even go to any fun events that were happening. I just wanted to stay home.

The thing is, I am high functioning, even in my most tired state. I had to catch up on chores around the house. I did laundry, cleaned and organized. Today, I cleaned the bathroom. I washed Lilypad (more on that later).

But I should highlight for myself, what I did do for me.

-I took a bubble bath. Bubble bath soap I bought with a CVS gift card I earned doing surveys and games on Swagbucks. Used an eye mask that I had gotten as a freebie that I saved for one of these stay at home spa days. And used a body scrub that I had gotten as a gift.

-I took Lilypad on a walk. She was reluctant at first, but once we go to the park with the big, grassy field, she began to wag her tail and skip along. We sat in this cute little garden by some historic buildings. I sneezed 10 times due to allergies, but it was worth it to just sit on a wooden bench and admire the pink peonies and look at the greenery.

-I got take out for dinner. Picked up a favorite pernil (roast pork), rice and beans, and maduros (sweet plantains). My partner picked up some beer and coca cola.

-I walked down to a bakery to pick up a couple treats for myself for breakfast and lunch.

So, there was a couple spending moments in there, but a couple free ones too!

Oh, and while Lilypad was happy in the field, she began to roll around and got goose poop all over her back legs. Awesome. She went right into the bath when we got home. She is still glaring at me from her dog bed.

Last week just sucked. And it is those times that I really wish I could retire RIGHT NOW. But I cannot. I have to keep earning and saving and investing for right now.

I do have to learn to enjoy the more peaceful and self-care moments for myself though. Because that is what life is about, right? Feeling good and being at peace. If I work really hard 24/7, I don't want to wake up decades later asking when did I enjoy myself in my 30s? Doesn't seem right.

[letsretireearly]

Rock and Walk

I'm going to do a 5K walk with a friend of mine. My boyfriend is participating by playing in one of many musical acts that will be placed along the 5k course. It'll be fun!

I have tried to focus on exercise (using the workplace gym, so it's free!), but I am not doing well on diet. I just had pizza for dinner.

While on the topic of workplace gym, I put on workout clothing and sneakers when I go to the gym. I get there early, so I am usually alone for the first 10 to 15 minutes. I claim my space (it's a tiny gym), so if I am doing weights, I take my spot. Then the men file in, and most of the time they are wearing jeans and polo shirts. I think most of the time, I am someone who would move out of the way, give up my space. But I am actively changing that feeling and being more like 'I'm dressed for the job!' Pshhhh these guys walking in to pump iron in their jeans? Get out of here. Don't stare me down because you want the bench I am using! You're in a polo shirt! This is not your mother's basement!

I digress.

Okay, time to watch some youtube!

[letsretireearly]

Am I Watching Too Much Finance Youtube?

I am currently watching a video on Ramit about FIRE.

I think I am watching too much financial advice on Youtube. But it is so addicting! And I feel like I learned some things - and only hope that I feel more confident in how I manage my money. From savings, to ETF, to 401K - I am trying to manage it the best way I can in order to have a secure future, while also saving for things I enjoy.

I guess that's the balance I am going for - I still want joy in my present life. And if I were to define that joy, it would be going out to eat at restaurants, seeing a concert/show of a musician I enjoy, or going to see a movie at a theater. However, I also look at doing a low-spend week/month/year and try to be frugal where I can. I resist buying band merch, clothing, and bags. I avoid buying material things in order to have experiences more.

But it's difficult. Sometimes I feel guilt buying lunch at work instead of taking the time the night before to make my lunch at home. Sometimes I feel guilt by eating out at a restaurant (even though I enjoy it), because I could have made dinner at home. It's a battle of guilt and joy.

Today, I did some calculations and have a couple hundred that I could move into my high yield savings account, which was an exciting moment.

But as the summer approaches, I know things will change and become more challenging. Some experiences are free though, like a hike, going to the library, or finding a free show. That is where I will try to focus as spring/summer weather comes and I will find myself outside of my apartment. Looking for free experiences that bring me joy. :)

[letsretireearly]

Middle School Cubicle

I have dressed up my cubicle with art posters of plants, fairy lights, and watercolor artwork.

It's like a middle school bedroom wall.

How did I get to this point?

I have an existential crisis at any given moment in that cubicle. It is unclear how those around me, younger, my age, or older, can stand 8 hours in a cubicle with no daylight (yup, no windows people, cue the posters of plants and nonexistent plants).

I've gone through reddit forums that have either shown me there are others that think this way too, as well as others that say "well, I do it because it's nice to have a roof over my head and food to eat".

I just feel like there's way more to life. And maybe that is the media's doing. Maybe the bombardment of people living "better" than you was not something that happened back in the day. And maybe that is what is messing up my psyche. The fact that I know there are forests, waterfalls and beautiful flowers out there which I cannot see most of the time because I work in a cubicle.

I mean, this is the point of trying to retire early right? So that I can be outside more. Explore more. Be one with nature.

But today, on a day that I took time off, I was only outside for about 20 minutes on a walk with my dog. The rest of the time? On my phone, playing games. Reading a book on my bed. Doing laundry and cleaning the bathroom. Watching a Netflix romance comedy movie.

What am I doing? I think sometimes, I am failing terribly. But I am reminded by loved ones and friends that hey, I got a job, while others have still been looking for a year or more. That I can afford my apartment, going out to eat, and taking care of my dog. So, I'm not failing.

But I still think, maybe there is more. And maybe that is also the problem?

[letsretireearly]

Trash Pact

Over the weekend, I ended up volunteering at the local rose garden, which is a rather large park in town, that was hosting a pop-up vintage market.

But it was not to help out with the market.

It was to pick up litter!

I met a group of folks, and we were handed gloves (nice ones that we got to keep), and trash bags. We scattered throughout the park, and I picked up a variety of items, from cans, broken pens, a whiskey bottle, and candy wrappers.

And let me tell you, it felt GOOD.

We were only there for an hour, but it felt great to clean up a well-used park and fill up my bag.

I also got a free tshirt out of the deal (so free litter picking up gloves and a tshirt!). And then I walked on home on that sunny day, feeling refreshed and happy. Definitely something I want to do more of. Trying to carve out time to volunteer and help out the local community is important - especially since I have just felt so much dread lately with the news of the country and the world and economy and EVERYTHING.

I got a good exercise out of it too, by squatting down to pick up litter, to walking around the park and walking home.

Talking about exercise, I have started working out at my workplace's gym. It is nothing fancy, smaller than a hotel gym, with just a couple machines and weights. I get about half an hour before my partner picks me up from work, so I have been switching between working out with weights while listening to the Beastie Boys (great workout music btw) and watching Nobody Wants This while using the exercise bike (funny, charming show so far). And it's free to use! I feel much better having started exercising. I feel hopeful - like I will get in better shape and feel healthier, and if I'm healthier, hopefully keep away any doctor visits (except annual one) and medical bills. Will I get the beach bod I have always wanted? I am still eating ice cream, so maybe?

[letsretireearly]

Let's Retire Early (But Until Then Let's Also Be Happy)

I am no expert on what the title of this post displays.

Honestly, I have been feeling this dread, unhappiness, and overwhelming wave of emotion lately. To say it just started at the start of this year, I believe, would be a lie.

There has always been this feeling of being "stuck".

I want to retire early and not depend on having a full time office job.

At the same time, I also want to be happy in the moment. Even with all the shit in the world that is happening, I want to have joy, purpose, fulfillment and is that asking too much?

I am hoping with this blog, I can focus on life happenings as well as my financial goals to retire early.

Here's a few things I will focus on (financial side):

*Being able to donate to causes to help the community, arts & music, animals, the unhomed.

*Being frugal and making choices like eating out less.

*Saving and investing more.

A few things I will focus on (life side):

*Discovering events in my community that I want to participate in.

*Volunteering my time.

*Spending more time in nature, on hikes, on trails!

*Spending more time with my loved ones, including my doggo, Lilypad!

Overall, this is my happiness and retire early project.