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Ways to connect with your f/o (a list for slow living and mindful moments)

♡ Go for a walk and imagine you're holding their hand

♡ Try to make your f/o's favorite foods

♡ If you'd prefer to be pampered, when you make food, put it down with a little love note from your f/o saying how happy they were to make it for you, and that they hope you enjoy it (even if it's just a sandwich or something small!)

♡ Bake bread with your f/o

♡ Go on a picnic with your f/o

♡ Use pictures of them on your phone or computer to body double when you do chores or study

♡ Use pictures of them on your phone or computer to play video games or watch movies and shows with them

♡ Along that same vein, watch something that they expressed interest in—or that you think they'd really like—and imagine the comments they'd make about their favorite media

♡ Print out a picture or use photos on your phone or computer to have a romantic candlelit dinner with them (even if it's just ramen!)

♡ Buy flowers or a plant from or for your f/o and take care of it

♡ Take up a hobby that they enjoy, even if you're not very good at it

♡ Curate a playlist using music they would enjoy

♡ Or you can curate a playlist using music with meaningful lyrics about you and your f/o's relationship

♡ Write loving post-it notes or letters from your f/o and leave them around the house for yourself

♡ If you need reminders, write one for yourself in your f/o's voice (for appointments, medicine, to eat, or any aspect where you need a little help—they're so happy to help you!)

♡ Run yourself a bath with bath bombs or bubbles and imagine your f/o made it for you to relax

♡ If you prefer showers: light some candles, use your favorite music, and imagine your f/o set everything up for you

♡ Spend time in nature with your f/o enjoying the sun or the trees or the beach or whatever little safe spots of nature you can find around you

♡ Imagine their voice guiding you through meditative or mindful deep breathing

♡ If your f/o is from a different culture than you, learn about their culture—make food from their culture, immerse yourself in music or media from their culture, and/or learn their language (even if it's just terms of endearment or phrases of their love for you)

♡ On the flipside, have them learn from your culture, too, and be enthralled and surprised by what they learn

♡ Buy or thrift clothes that look like your f/o's so you can wear them

♡ If you have to purchase clothes for yourself, imagine your f/o hyping up every outfit you try on

♡ Buy or thrift trinkets they would own and decorate your home with them

♡ Buy perfumes or colognes that your f/o wears and spray them on your clothes or bed (or scents that remind you of them)

♡ Use shampoos, conditioners, and/or body washes that they'd use so you can have a shared shower space with them

♡ Paint your nails your f/o's favorite color or colors that remind you of them

♡ Read a book you think they would enjoy, and—if you own the book—annotate the margins with little notes for them

♡ Journal your thoughts about them—gush about them, write about their flaws and merits, outline all of your favorite aspects of their physical features or personality, all of the reasons you're grateful to have them in your life, and include lots of little hearts and declarations of love

♡ Alternatively, get a journal that they would have and do the same thing, but in their voice about you

♡ You can also use journals to vent to your f/o so they can read it and help comfort you

Remember: your f/o wants you to eat, drink water, remember your meds/vitamins, take care of your hygiene, and exercise! Not for them, but because it will make you feel better—they love seeing you happy!

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WERE SO BACK

I GOT IT HELL YEAH

i wanted the solid color teal, but im lowkey digging the outline tbh

its not the best but like im so fucking. im genuinely ecstatic rn AUAGH

im finally a part of the same guild as my f/o :D

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the two i made broke

i havent done the rest yet

gonan scream and cry

id say make friendship bracelets with embroidery thread for all of your f/os... but oh my god my hands hurt

making friendship bracelets is not for the weak. i want to rip hands off rn

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self insert/sona lineup :D

not all of my sonas, ofc, but these are the ones i pay the most attention to nya

my fairy tail sona has so mucb joy and whimsy for someone whos lover dies in his arms...

i just realized i forgot to put it, but one more universal trait is He/It pronouns. my sona is always going to use He/It and on occasion my neopronouns, depending on the universe

hence why i mentioned the AGAB becuase some of my s/is are transmasc-agender like me and some are amab and agender

also all of my sonas are over 18. i am 18 irl.

in order:

alnstzen - 21 y/o

sk8zen - 18 y/o

wbkzen - 18 y/o

TSzen - ???? y/o (nonhuman)

kn8zen - 24 y/o

fairyzen - 18 y/o

ATLAzen - 18 y/o

i might do in detail posts on some of these,,, idk... also TSzen sticks out bc of his color palette LMAO. i know i need to do work on sk8, kn8, and wbk but like hyhhhhh... i always get so scared to tag fandoms for each of my s/is or f/os bc im scared ill get hateful people in here but i might... take the risk... and tag for this one... considering some of the shit ive seen on some of these tags (/neg), i know this wont be the worst thing people see 💔💔

i should make an art tag for this blog hgggh

also i did use some of @/mellon_soup 's bases/poses!!! you can find them on insta :D

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@ my f/o

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imagine your f/o when. When when they. When t.when you. When they. When you. When when

good

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bro btw ive only gotten two done. TWO. since tweeting this (TWEETING? I TYPED THAT UNCONSCIOUSLY LMAO)

i have 6. i planned on making 6 bracelets. i have 2 out of 6 done in 3 days what is going on AND IM MAKING COMPLICATED ONES TOO SO LIKE I HAVE AN EXCUSE BUT STILL

id say make friendship bracelets with embroidery thread for all of your f/os... but oh my god my hands hurt

making friendship bracelets is not for the weak. i want to rip hands off rn

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i miss my husbands tails. i miss them a lot. ill be back

except this made funnier by the fact that tails is a familial f/o of mine. my little brother.

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id say make friendship bracelets with embroidery thread for all of your f/os... but oh my god my hands hurt

making friendship bracelets is not for the weak. i want to rip hands off rn

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Shoutout to atypical selfshippers. People who aren't artists and instead research deep within their f/o's appearances. Shoutout to all the knitters who make their own f/o plushies, people who make their f/o partner in video games, daydreamers, people who wear sentimental f/o jewelry, all of that. There's so much love you can give to a character beyond just drawing or writing them, and I hope more people get encouraged to explore it

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Is it possible to kin your f/o?

Like kinda form of self love

Like if it’s a platonic f/o it’s like being best friends with yourself

Or familial f/o that maybe you see as a father as a example it’s kinda like taking care of yourself or being taken care of by yourself

Because I think I'm realizing I actually kin a lot of my f/os but also see them as my f/os at the same time. I always thought they had to be one or the other but I think them being both can be a possibility

I skip hiatus backlog for u , yes I believe u can!! I've seen many ppl kin their f/o! some ppl consider it mirror shipping, others don't :) up to you!!

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"your f/o loves you!!" most of my f/os want to hit me with a stick or something much more sharp and dangerous. homosexually and affectionately though.

like the super cute cuddly f/o imagines are adorable and work with some of my f/os but also you underestimate the sheer amount of angst and unbearable pining i hold in my heart. and banter. i heart banter. i love you banter theyll never make me hate you banter.

need someone to match my wit or outwit me. need someone whos funny like me or can encourage it and keep up with it. guy s be honest is it obvious i want to be a comedian

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Zen, the pathfinding hound.

┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈

Trivia:

Ais route

Hound background

This is a self insert so it's gonna share a lot of traits I do. It also shares the usual notable zen-sona traits. Sometimes I'll refer to him as "me" because well. he is me yk?

Autistic, ADHD, OCD-C

Germaphobe and emetophobe

AFAB/Transmasc, He/Him/It/Its

As stated, he's a bounty hunter. He's a skilled assassin that specializes in close combat/hand-to-hand combat. He loves his twin swords a... normal amount (he's obsessed with them and treats them like his children).

He's short, but very fast and agile. He used to be called weasel or pest as a kid because of how slippery and evasive he was.

Enjoys sparring with Mhin and Ais.

Good street smarts and perception skills.

Fox symbolism

Some people think it comes off as apathetic, but really it just has a unique way of expressing itself.

Unstoppable force, meet immovable object!

Not Quite Human But That's A Secret For Later!

It wears glasses sometimes, usually when reading. They usually get in the way normally, so it just sticks to having shitty vision on the daily. It ends up getting contacts from Kuras.

Did I mention his twin swords were magic? No? Yeah I won't elaborate.

Has his fair share of book smarts as well, but never really lets it shine 'cause he doesn't care all too much.

Loves cats and even used to have one! Now, it just loves animals in general and never passes up the chance to pet a domesticated animal... or wild one.

I Do Not Like Leander.

Enjoys banter to the point where it's pretty much his love language along with parallel play. He loves the playful back and forth, especially with Ais.

Smartass.

Heavily inspired by one of my f/os, Hoshina Soushiro, from Kaiju No. 8 (MWAH ILY SOUSH SORRY I STOLE YOUR SWORDS TEEHEE)

Voice claim is Dave Bayley of Glass Animals.

┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈

┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈

Backstory:

It's cold. So cold.

I can breathe, though.

All I feel is eerie suspension in drowning silence.

The water is so clean, so blue. It's the cleanest water I've ever seen in this world.

I don't want to stop drowning.

┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈

"Momma, what's wrong with my hands?"

She seems to hesitate, taking a deep breath. We had just got done trying to restrain and calm a kid down from the effects of my curse. A curse that drives people mad. In most cases, they try to attack me. Thankfully it wore off, but a lot of the townsfolk kept looking at me like I was a pest or a demon.

"You want the truth, kid? You're cursed," she kneels down taking my hands in hers, seemingly unaffected entirely by the curse, "and I'm pretty sure it's my fault you're cursed. I'm sorry, Zoey."

"But how?"

Her lips press into a thin line, contemplating her next words.

"S-...Something to do with your... late... father." She looks away, unable to look her daughter in the eye.

I look down at our connected hands, "Can I fix it?"

"No baby, I don't think you can. You'll have to keep your hands covered for the rest of your life. I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, "Do you think my friends hate me now, momma?"

I could almost hear my mom's heart shattering at my tears. She doesn't respond and just hugs me close to her.

The next day, she was sewing up a new pair of full-length gloves for me to wear.

At least she knew what fabric and leather I liked.

┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈

"Mom! I'm home!"

Another successful bounty completed. The reward was a lot higher than my usual gather, so I was excited to tell my mother that we'd be eating well for the next month.

All I was met with was silence, though.

"...Mom?"

Still no answer.

I go deeper into the home, checking through the rooms. She said she would be home this morning, so there's no reason she'd be gone. Unless there was an emergency? I've told her there's very few emergencies where she'd need to leave the house, especially with the threat of Fogfall and Soulless.

Fogfall appearances are getting higher, so I'm getting worried now.

"Mom, where are you??"

Nothing.

"Shit."

I start running through the house frantically, eventually pulling down the ladder to the attic. Looking in, I still can't hear or see anything. I scramble down and walk back outside, thinking she may be in the cellar.

I have to put a lot of force into opening the trapdoor, but going down there with a lit match and a candle that stays at the foot of the ladder, there was...

Something was down here. And it wasn't my mother.

My free hand immediately reached for a sword. I stayed completely still waiting to hear the movement of whatever was lurking in our basement.

"Zen?"

...My mother's voice?

No, that's not her.

That's not my mom.

I slowly set down the candle and position myself in proper stance with both hands ready to unsheathe my swords.

I wait.

Something blows the candle out and I tense up, ready to strike.

Footsteps come closer to me, and without thinking, I strike whatever is in front of me.

However, the candle miraculously relights just before I hit my target, and in a moment of clarity, I see my mother's face; a face full of terror as she realizes her son is attacking her.

Everything seems to go in slow motion. I'm moving too quickly to stop myself and before I know it, I'm dealing a fatal blow to my mother.

But... that's not my mom? Right?

The impostor falls to the ground clutching onto my belts in her last choking breaths.

"...Why?"

It sounds like her. Fuck it sounds like her. That's not her.

That's not her. That's not her.That'snotherthatsnotherthatsnot-

I hear slow clapping from behind me. The impostor's body slumps as it dies and I slowly turn to the presence behind me.

"Wh- what?"

It was me.

"Hey, I think you killed the wrong one."

.

.

.

"...Th..."

"That wasn't an impostor, Zen. That was your real mother."

I can feel myself losing balance. I can feel my head spinning.

"H-Huh?"

The thing in front of me morphs into an exact replica of my mother. I feel my stomach sink and bile rise to my throat. I shakily step backwards, tripping over my... mother's... dead body. I catch myself before I fall, but only just barely.

"You killed your mom, congratulations! It doesn't feel too nice, does it? Losing your mother isn't a great feeling, I'd assume. I would know," the thing comes closer and morphs into a familiar face. Her original face.

"You're..."

"You killed someone important to me, remember?"

This is... this was months ago...! I collected that bounty so long ago why is she only just now-!

"You know... it took a lot in me not to hunt you down and kill you immediately. I think this will serve as a good lesson for you, bounty hunter."

I don't think. As she turns around to leave, I throw my left sword down and I pull off my gloves to grab her wrist. I know exactly what's going to happen when she comes in contact with my bare hands.

The switch is instantaneous. She's gone mad in split seconds. She lunges for me, trying to swipe at anything that'd hurt me. I slice her neck with my right sword and I know I struck gold when blood splatters all over me. I hit her arteries.

She's dead in seconds.

I kick her off of me as she dies and let silence fill the air.

I can feel the panic returning after my bout of dissociative instinctual actions and I shakily turn my body towards my mother.

I'm covered in both Andri's blood, and my mother's. I pick up my mother's body and hold her close, her last word sounding so betrayed and hurt plays over and over in my mind.

I killed my mother.

I killed my mother.

No one heard my screams.

A human's mind is such a feeble thing.

┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈

I throw down the shovel, having finished burying my mother. Everything hurts. I'm still covered in her blood.

I'm sorry, mom. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, please forgive me.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry...

I want to go back in time. You shouldn't be dead right now. I shouldn't have taken that job all those months ago. I'm so sorry.

With the money I got from the bounty I just finished, I start walking through the town, devoid of any emotion. I can't stay here. I have to run. They'll all find out that my mom's blood is on my hands. My cursed hands. They'll burn me at the stake.

I have to run. I have to get out of here. I have to find a cure. I need answers. I need to know about shapeshifters. I need to- I need-

I need to drown again.

┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈

more art, stat sheets/ship charts, and tags under the cut! (and some incorrect quotes/discord screenshots from my friends lmao)

@alien-til-i-stage @yunoftheclouds @chevalperd

@4listr @ivanttakethis (you two showed some interest so i thought itd be okay to tag you, you can just ignore if not :tism:)

also @redspringstudio . am i allowed to tag them???? rss if you see this and iiiim not allowed to do that. erm. ignore this. LMAO.

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can i say something crazy… i wish there was more writing of ppls selfships. i wanna read it… i want a whole ass novel on how you met and how the story changes with you in it…. i wanna read it…………..

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this is selfship insert writing i completely forgot about that

i think because i have a separate blog for anything touchstarved vn related, i completely forgot that i am, in fact, self shipping with Ais LMAOOO

Don't fucking call me sparrow, asshole.

(idk what else to title this man)

Zen's first meeting with Ais.

Some text will be taken directly from the game, but a lot of it will be different, trust me (just a lot more swearing/cursing LMAO). Most of the dialogue/action choices are going to be vastly different from what's in game.

Word count: 3524 (JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I DIDN't MEAN TO WRITE THAT MUCH)

┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈

"What are you-"

As worn fabric unveils bare skin, my panic is smothered by cold horror. A misshapen, sunken scar carves into the woman's body. Pitted, gnarled skin snakes down her shoulders, blooming from a gaping hole in the back of her neck.

A shuddering breath escapes me, "The fuck...?"

Whatever disease this woman had ate away her from the inside out. How she's able to move, or breathe, I couldn't tell you. It's impossible. She shouldn't be alive and yet...

"The power to cure anything can be yours, too. The power of the Seaspring."

The woman slides back into her blouse and deftly laces it up.

"If I've caught your interest, then follow me. It's only a short walk away."

Without another glance, she leisurely strolls down the Senobium stairs, loose braids bobbing behind her. The edge of her scar peeks out from under her collar.

I stand there, wordless, until I manage to regain my bearings. It's a twisted miracle... but a miracle nonetheless. This could be the dumbest fucking decision of my life, but why the hell not? It's not like this is the first stupid choice I've walked into completely self-aware.

I take a final look at the Senobium's shut gates, then follow her down the steps. We descend from the higher streets, leaving behind their gilded decadence as we cross the river. The wet, derelict streets feel more familiar to me.

However, the crimson-eyed woman takes me farther, then farther still, until I'm met with an all-too-familiar sight. my gut lurches when I face the open horizon.

The city's outskirts are hardly recognizable in daylight, and probably safer for it. But venturing beyond Eridia's walls is a gamble I was not prepared to take so soon.

"Keep going straight, and the Seaspring will reveal itself to you."

I bark out a bitter laugh, loud and involuntary, "Nice try. This is a fucking set up. If you're trying to kill and rob me, I barely have any coin to feed myself."

"If I wanted your coin, I would already have it," she says it so lightly, I almost believe her, even if she looks as physically capable as a fucking toothpick, "You're as safe outside the city as you are inside of it. Truthfully, the territory before you is the safest of all."

"...The hell do you mean, territory?"

"This region belongs to Ais. Most people know him as a gang leader, but he's much more than that..."

I squint at the empty wastelands. Only a fool or someone with nothing left to lose would leave the city. My dumbass is both, apparently. But if this Seaspring cured her I need to see what it can do for me.

I set off into the wastes. Over my shoulder, the woman calls after to me, "Good luck, Zen! I hope we meet again!"

My heart pounds but my outward composure remails calm and collected as I take one step after another farther and farther away from the city.

My minds drifts off as my steps become automatic and mindless. It's been less than a week since I've set off on this journey since...

"̷̫̀͠Z̸̝͂̈́́ę̵̎̄̈n̵̠̈́́.̴̪̖̞̉͐.̶̡͉̈́.̶̗͉̐?̴̢͖̽͝ ̷̤͓̺̆͛̅Ẉ̵̹͒̀h̵̪͙͆͝y̸̝̬̲̆.̴̺̤̀̄̽.̷̨͎̻̃͠.̸̛̫̤͒͘?̴̨̛̻̣̐̀"̵̛̰

...Since the incident.

I'm snapped out of my trance when I realize... I never told that woman my name.

I take in a sudden quick breath as something pierces the horizon ahead of me. A building, nestled into a tall cliffside, but so starkly out of place it might as well be a hallucination. It drips with extravagance and honeyed mahogany: an ornate jewel of architecture.

A row of dark silhouettes stand out on the horizon. Trees, I think, until I'm close enough to realize that what I mistook for branches were spikes and jutting tendrils.

Soulless.

They're watching me in the distance like statues.

I stop walking. I can't move.

Flashes from last night flood my mind. The panic I felt with bile in my throat, the stench of the filthy swamp and lurid blood.

But I don't act. I stay exactly where I am. The only reason I was so off my game last night was because of my lack of sleep and trauma induced shock. I wasn't in a state to fight back against any Soulless or human. Pathetic, really, but what can you do?

I steel myself and ready my hands on the handles of my twin swords. I feel a lot more prepared and ready with them resting there. And I slowly start up a steady pace again, heading directly towards the building.

Their eyes follow my every step, and the tension in waiting for them to strike is palpable. It never comes.

The Soulless continue to just stand there as I walk up to the double doors of the sanctuary.

I stand in front of the doors for a long while, foolishly keeping my back turned on them. I know it's another dumb decision to add to the pile, but something seems off about these Soulless. Despite perfect opportunities to strike when I was both unaware and aware of them, they still remained still.

Like well trained dogs.

I suppress a shiver at the thought of a mob of them being controlled by one individual. I reach my hand towards the door, but pause once again. The red-eyed woman said something about this "Ais" person being a gang leader.

Could his gang be...?

No. There's no way.

I groan internally and just say fuck it and kick open the doors. Not too violently, but enough to actually open it.

What I come face to face with is more hellscape than sanctuary. Blood flows all around me, overwhelming my vision with such a vibrant, unholy red.

It doesn't... smell like blood, though. I stare uncomfortably at the lake of blood in front of me, wondering why it doesn't reek of iron. I have a good nose on me, I would've smelt it from way outside.

Instead, it actually smells really nice. It smells of smoke and spices.

I take a deep, exasperated inhale, "Oooh... 'kay..."

This must be the Seaspring.

I realize I'm still standing in the open doorway, so I quickly step in and kick the door closed with my foot. I pull my gaze away from the pool and to the pillars surrounding it.

There are written notes littering the pillars and floor cushions scattered about, a rusty tea kettle sitting near one. Someone must live here.

Someone who's presence I can sense.

It took me a minute, but there is a distinct aura coming from above me. I stay silent as I approach one of the note-riddled pillars. If the presence wants something from me, they'll make themselves known. I have half a mind to assume it might be Ais.

Either way, my guard is all the way up and I keep my dominant hand on my sword as my other reaches for one of the notes.

The closest one to me reads, "Dear mother, don't cry for me. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye, but we'll meet again in another life. I love you very much. From, Iris. P.S. If you ever see me, never speak to me again."

With shaky hands, I put the note back where it was and try not to collapse on the ground. What are the odds that I reach for such a close-hitting note unintentionally?

I take a shaky breath as I can't help but squatting down, trying to calm myself down before I start panicking. Now is not the time to become so vulnerable.

Not when I'm being watched.

I punch the solid wood below me, imagining my panic being under my fist as I rise from where I was crouched. I still don't make any visible inclination that I know I'm being watched other than my hands still resting on the handles of my swords.

Taking another, less shaky breath, I bring my attention back to the Seaspring. It's completely stagnant. It's still water... or blood, still can't tell.

There's something in there. It's not the presence that's been watching me, but just... there's something incredibly wrong about it.

I barely get my foot a centimeter off the floor towards the Seaspring before I'm interrupted by a voice.

"Hey."

Suddenly I sense it. In my semi-panicked state, I didn't realize the pack of Soulless hounding in on me. They're all relatively normal except for one thing, their piercing crimson eyes.

There's no way I was actually right in my assumption...

I immediately take a step back, but notice that I'm teetering on the edge of the Seaspring.

"Watch your step, it's deeper than it looks."

At the sound of that voice, the Soulless freeze, their snarls and growls quieting.

"Fuck, so I was right. At least partially."

I turn my head directly to the source of the voice. Above me, there is a man lounging in the rafters. He doesn't look quite human. His eyes are the same piercing crimson as the woman from before, and the Soulless surrounding me. It feels... all consuming.

"You were right? About what, little sparrow?"

I suppress a startled snort at the unexpected nickname. It sounds so out of place, especially if it's in reference to me of all people, that I can't help but snicker to myself a little bit.

"What's so funny? Care to share with the class?"

This makes it significantly more difficult to keep my composure. I'm really digging myself a hole here. I turn away to look at the Soulless that are still snarling, but stationary. They could attack at any moment, but I have a good feeling they won't.

"Hey!"

I can feel my nerves tick as my eyes snap back to the man above.

"Eyes on me. Don't ignore someone who's talking to you, it's not polite."

I want to kill this fucker so bad right now. Who the hell does he think he is.

"Go fuck yourself, jackass. Is that any better, your highness?"

I giggle to myself at my unintentional pun. It's a horrible joke, really, but it's funny to me and that's all I need.

Bastard up here actually cracks a vicious smile at my rebuttal, so I'm glad my joke is appreciated.

"Hm. We'll work on it."

"Uh-huh," I raise a hand and gesture towards the pack of Soulless that are still surrounding me, as if waiting for the command to attack me, "Are these your pets?"

"No, it's the effect of the Seaspring," his grin grows just a little wider, "They're hungry, so they might bite. You could give me a reason to stop them, though."

I contemplate as I look back at them, and then back at fuckwad in the rafters, "Does me killing all of them even if you give them the go ahead count?"

He quirks an eyebrow in amusement, as if he's expecting the punchline.

"I'd like to see you try, Sparrow. Try again."

I snort again, not trying to hide it this time. This situation is ridiculous. I'm used to people severely underestimating my abilities, but I truly could win against all of the Soulless in here. I just don't want to fight them right now.

I've done it before, I can do it again.

"Well, I was told to come here. So I did. I didn't necessarily do anything wrong."

"Trespassing."

I deadpan at him, "And that's punishable by death?"

He gives a noncommittal shrug, "Expecting mercy was your first mistake."

I exaggerate a groan, cracking my neck and stretching, almost as if I was loosening up and readying myself to fight.

"Okay smartass, what do you want."

Without hesitation, "Your hands."

I pause all movement and shoot him the nastiest glare I can muster, firmly gripping both handles of my swords.

"Why."

"I won't ask twice." His eyes narrow.

So do mine.

"Neither will I."

The Soulless quiet down even more as we stare at eachother, willing the other to break the fierce tension that electrifies the air.

He huffs, a small grin plastered back on his face as he lazily saunters down from the rafters. He doesn't break eye contact as he lands with a loud thud, approaching me slowly. His boots are loud and make a clinking sound with every step.

I stand my ground and keep eye contact, as uncomfortable as it is, and wait until he's right in front of me.

Cursing my height once again, the motherfucker is huge and I have to crane my neck up to look at him in the eye as he approaches. It pisses me off to no end.

Once in front of me, he stops.

"Last chance, I won't ask again." His stare is cold as he leans down to my level (jackass, surprised he hasn't commented on my height yet).

I don't back down, "I won't either. Take the stick outta your ass, 'cause you're really starting to piss me off."

I can hear the Soulless' noise start picking up again. Fun.

He clicks his teeth and breaks the tension, he waves his hand and the Soulless disperse.

The immediate switch gives me whiplash.

I mumble a, "huh?" under my breath as the man, who was so focused on me, now couldn't give less of a shit. It's incredibly insulting.

"So I'm just... not a threat anymore?"

He kicks a few cushions around and looks at the content's of the kettle, grumbling something to himself.

"Never were one."

"Bull-fucking-shit. You seemed ready to treat me like one."

"Shut up, would you?"

I scoff at the audacity. Without thinking twice, I unsheath my sword with uncanny speed and launch it full throttle at this man's head. He barely pulls his head back in time with a small gasp as the sword lodges itself deep into the wood of the pillar.

The look he gives me is positively pissed. He looks like he wants to do nothing but rip my head off where I stand.

"Am I a threat or not, Ais?"

I seemed to have assumed correctly as to who this was, as his sinister glare seems to get even more pronounced as I can nearly see a vein pop out of his temple. He starts approaching me again.

My own face breaks out in a grin, knowing the cat got the cream.

He once again leans down to my level, way too close to my face.

His voice is low and commanding as he speaks, "You have no power here."

Still on adrenaline and defiance, I spit back, "I'd beg to differ."

"Then beg."

My mind halts in it's tracks as the words register in my brain. I hate the way it works sometimes because I really can't hold back the laughter this time.

I break out into a raucous laugh as the man, Ais, looks agitated and confused at my elation.

I mock his words, another dumb decision really, "Fuck- Fucking freak-! 'Then beg,' he says! Okay then, Master. Whatever you command!"

I'm having too much fun taking the piss out of the whole situation that I don't notice him picking me up by the fucking throat and hovering me over the Seaspring.

Fuck. Not my throat. Please- not my throat. Anything but my neck. Panic blooms everywhere as I'm reminded of last night, as I'm reminded of every other traumatic experience regarding my neck and I dig my gloved hands into the meat of his arm. Willing the panic to turn into anger.

"Let- go-"

"Why should I?"

I can't give him an answer. To be fair, there is no correct answer. I did provoke him...

If what's below me is water and not blood, I'll be fine. I can breathe underwater. He doesn't know that.

I don't get to find the answer to my question when I'm thrown halfway across the deck. I don't quite reach the wall, but I still hit the ground pretty hard. Because of my lack of oxygen, I'm not able to recover like I usually do, but I still jump up anyway, whiplash be damned.

Because I genuinely do not know when to shut the fuck up or quit it, I continue to taunt him, "You seriously can't say 'then beg' like that and expect me not to lose my shit, man."

He stares at me nursing my neck and breathing heavily for a few seconds before responding, "You have no business here, get out."

Finally recovering my bearings, I stand up straight. My sword is still protruding out of the pillar, so I'm stuck with only one. My hand still rests there out of habit.

"I do, actually. I was told the Seaspring was a miracle cure."

His anger seems to tick again.

"Maybe, maybe not. Depends."

"You mean you don't even know?"

"Nope."

He opens the kettle and dumps the contents into the Seaspring. Quite unsanitary, if you ask me.

"You're irritating. On purpose."

He sighs exasperatedly, "Look if you want to find out for yourself, be my fucking guest. Drink and see."

"Drink? ...That?"

"Did I stutter?"

I scoff, "What's the price?"

"Lose your mind."

His answers are short, curt, and annoyed. He really wants me gone.

"I've already done that, be more specific."

He quirks another eyebrow at me and looks me up and down, mumbling a, "Clearly," that I know he said loud enough for me to hear. I huff again.

I can slowly feel his anger start to ebb, though.

"You forget who you are. Your thoughts join the rest of the people, soulless, et cetera, who've all drank before you."

"A groupmind?"

He eyes me warily again, "Yeah. A big happy family in your head, fun isn't it?"

"You're clearly not affected by it despite your eyes being the same as them... That woman wasn't lying when she said you were the 'gang leader' then, huh?"

At the mention of his gang, Ais grows tense again and his eyes narrow.

"Speaking of, is the said gang your little pets that are hanging around?"

"No. They took a walk."

He gives a cheeky fake smile before dropping it immediately, "Listen, Sparrow. I'm nice, but you've really pissed me off and overstayed your welcome. You need to leave."

I sigh, kinda giving up the act, "Honestly, fair. Playing with fire is a little bit of my specialty, if you couldn't tell."

He huffs a laugh, "And yet, you have a natural affinity for water?"

The air goes stale and silent. All breath leaves my lungs. The curse, sure, I can see why he'd be able to sense that. But-

I eye him cautiously. Noticing he got the one up on me, he grins again.

"We all have our secrets, Sparrow. You wouldn't show me what I wanted to see so I won't give you what you want to know, yeah?"

He makes a decently good point, annoyingly enough.

"Fine, jackass. Stop calling me Sparrow, too. It's cringe."

His grin gets wider, "...Whatever you say, Sparrow."

I look at him with vague disdain, rolling my eyes as I walk past him, again turning my back on him which is an incredibly foolish idea, to grab my sword.

I can feel his eyes on me as I grab the sword.

"Wait."

I don't. I don't hesitate and I don't pause. I just grab my sword and sheathe it before turning to acknowledge him. He's not smiling anymore.

"What?"

If pissed about my disobedience, he doesn't show it, "Your swords aren't normal either, are they?"

Seeing the golden opportunity, I take it easily, "Well. We all have our secrets, don't we... Jackass." I return the cheeky smile he gave me earlier as he contemplates his next move.

He just rolls his eyes, completely done with my shit. Which... yeah, fair.

He shrugs his shoulders and turns to the corner where a smaller, more dog-like Soulless resides. It has tendrils all over it's snout with red eyes littered all throughout it's body. He kneels down to pet it with a faint, warm smile on his face. It's a bit odd, but also intriguing to see.

He stands back up, "This pretty girl will lead you back to the city, since it's getting dark."

Ais whistles and the Soulless-dog trots happily to the entrance, making a sound similar to a bark, but... not quite right.

I sigh walking towards it blearily.

"If I want to drink from the Seaspring, where can I reach you?"

"Find one of the red-eyed people. They'll lead you to me. Think it over, though. Once you drink, you can't go back."

My eyes find the farthest point of the Seaspring and a single, lone ripple crosses the surface. It's excruciatingly loud. It makes me sick.

Drinking from it is... another dumb fucking choice. But it's a last resort, if nothing else. I just tuck it away in my mind as I put my hand on the doorknob. I can't help but look back at Ais before I cross the threshold. He just flashes me a tired (and kinda smug) smile.

"I would buy a drink for scaring you, but I still really wanna kill you."

I grin back, "Sounds like a date, Master."

Where I found the balls to say this, I have no idea.

His smile turns into a scoff as he mumbles, "Unbelievable..." and turns away, shaking his head. I snicker to myself as I follow the Soulless-dog out the door and into the darkening swamp.

Jokes on him! I too, still really want to fucking kill him.

┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈

peep the amount of times i willingly make a dumb decision. yeah this version of me really likes to fuck around... and find out.

uh tagging people who might like to read this @alien-til-i-stage @ivanttakethis @chevalperd @apple8ees @bluemoonscape (you showed some interest. in vere. but yk) @assmaster-8000 (just lmk if you dont want me to tag you again if you . didnt want to be tagged) @yunoftheclouds @4listr @rockwgooglyeyes nya ok i think thats all

it doesnt happen here, but at some point in the future, i do go back to the seaspring and run some...... "tests"????????? by that i mean taking off my gloves and dipping my cursed hands into the seaspring, only for it to have what appears to be a weird alchemical reaction. dont worry about it lmao. i want to make this idea into a comic, as well as what i just wrote.

something i ommitted was the line "he rules with the expectation of submission" and i find this funny because zen is the complete opposite of that... for now. anyways! haha! dw about that either! haha!

again. idk how the fuck i managed to write 3.5k words. whoops. as i said at the beginning, it starts out following the main story and descriptions/dialogue, and then it turns into its own thang. you can kinda tell when it goes from the original writing to my writing style, if you know me/my style well enough.

also it's 12:47 am as i am typing this and i need to be awake at 5 am. um. yeah im gonna go to bed and im gonna post this in the morning! (HI. EDIT. TUMBLR POSTED THE DRAFT INSTEAD OF SAVING IT. AGAIN. SO ITS GETTING POSTED AT 1:33AM. I FUCKING GUESS.) if any of my friends see this who i said i would be going to sleep to.... sorry for lying...... ish olease dont put clemmie in the heat chamber pleasepleapepeleapPELAE

[levichor]

Welcome to Wonderland by Anson Seabra except "wonderland" is Fairy Tail and the metaphors of wonderland being a dream is hyper realistic because . yeah.

so like i cried to this song the other day imagining myself appearing to my boyfriend, my friends, and my family and all of us knowing that my time is limited because i dont truly exist in their reality and that i am, in fact, a dream. its why theres so many dream-like genders in my xenobox and why i heavily identify with the concept of dreaming. im a maladaptive daydreamer and a lucid dreamer. i truly believe i am in the wrong reality because i have felt the most sense of belonging in a fucking dream with fictional characters than i ever have in the real world. and then i have to go outside and pretend like im normal. dude this shit fucking hurts.

like bro take me now. let me leave. not in a "i wanna kms" way but in a "i want to be alive just not in this reality."

did i mention i am diagnosed with depersonalization, derealization, and delusions. triple Ds baby (cries)

[levichor]

just wanna say. if you support nonsharervents (the user), you can leave. by the by.