lifeasadorkwithnolife

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Nightmares (Azriel X Reader)

Your nightmares are caused by something Azriel did in the past.

Word Count: 1800

            You found yourself alone in the library a lot, covered by your favorite blanket with a good book in your hand. Sometimes you spent time in the library just for the sake of reading, sometimes it was to spend time with Nesta, but some nights, like these, it was to escape your nightmares.

            The embers of the forgotten fired ebbed across the room, and you set down your book, watching. You loved your life here, the house gave you everything you needed, you trained with Cassian, painted with Feyre, read with Nesta, and even went dancing with Mor. You ate good food and felt safe, for one of the first times in your life.

            Guilt ate away at your stomach as you thought about Azriel, his dark eyes and smile he reserved just for you. You had tried your hardest to get close to the male, and some weeks were better than others. Your feelings were always so conflicted around him, on one hand, you were drawn to his quiet stature, the calmness that seemed to radiate from him comforted you, but when you were asleep, you saw him in your nightmares.

            As you watched the dying embers, the memory of your first encounter with Azriel came back to you.

*

You were running from the Autumn Court, with no money to your name and no clothes but the ones on your back. One minute you were running, and the next, you were colliding with a large figure, which knocked you to the ground.

            You had recognized him as the shadow singer from the night court, and the way his eyes pierced yours, wings tensed as if he was about to take off, was a sight you would never forget. He had grabbed you then, and after hours of flying, you were thrown into a dungeon under a mountain, in the night court.

            You were cold, terrified but knew that even if you escaped, your home was gone, up in flames, and your family….your family was gone too. After only hours, you had lost the will to escape, and after days of no food and water, you finally saw Azriel again.

            He had the high lord behind him, his face was blank, void of emotion. “Well, hi there.” Rhysand stands in the corner as Azriel shuts the door, his arms find his chest as he crosses them. Although Rhysand was the one speaking, your eyes could not look away from the figure before you, his large wings, large stature and the dagger he casually flicked around in his hand.

            “We just have some questions for you, then maybe we can let you go.” Rhysand gave you a smirk, nodding to Azriel who moved forward. You cowered back, your back hitting the damp wall. You looked around, for anything to save you, but all that was at your disposal a few chains and bloodstained walls.

            “Please.” You whispered, hands shaking as you looked between Rhysand and Azriel. “I’ll tell you anything.”

            You felt talons scrape against your mental shields, and your eyes widened at the high lord. “Please no-“ You fought to maintain your shield, something your father had taught you to do, but the exhaustion from your lack of sleep and weakness from no food was catching up to you.

            “What do you have to hide?” Rhys voice echoed around your mind, and you shook your head fervently. You looked to Azriel again, and his eyes bore into yours, no trace of humanity to be found. You only saw evil, a male who would torture, a male who belonged in the night court.

            Then, Rhys entered your mind, taking down your shields with no issue. He flipped through your memories as if they were a book, you fell to your knees, hands pressing to your temples in agony. Then it was over. Rhysand knew it all, Beron’s execution of your family due to the secrets they knew about the Autumn high court- secrets that Rhysand would eventually need you for.

            It had taken you a couple of months to trust Rhysand after that, but getting to know Feyre, his cousin Morrigan, and his brother Cassian really helped. But the nightmares remained, most of them focused on Azriel.

            You closed your book, watching the final ember die out and not flicker back to life. You collected yourself, taking a deep breath and making the walk back to your quarters. You could see the sun rising in the window and you sighed, knowing that it would be a long day of training with little to no sleep.

*

            “Is there something wrong?” Azriel asks you, you two are circling the mat since Cassian wasn’t able to train with you today.

            “Of course.” You try to smile at him, but you know it doesn’t meet your eyes.

            “Are you sleeping alright?” Azriel lowers his fist, his face filling with concern. You look into his eyes as he nears you, they are filled with emotion, but you can’t tell which ones.  

            “Not really.” You admit, putting your fists down as well. “I keep having these nightmares, they won’t stop.”

            “I’m sorry.” Az’s hand twitches towards yours but goes back down to his side. “I…I have them too, you know.”

            You sit down to stretch, and Azriel follows suit. The sun is beaming today, and Azriel is wearing a shirt that is clinging to every inch of his torso. You can’t help but watch the muscles shift in his arms as he stretches it above his head, the lines of his tricep deepening as he reaches over. You blink a few times and realize that he’s speaking.

            “I’m sorry, what did you say?” You stammer, quickly getting into a stretch of your own. Azriel smile grows, and he looks away.

            “I was just saying that whenever I have nightmares, usually flying helps.” He mused, stretching the other arm. “But I guess you don’t really have that option, not having wings and everything.”

            “Are you teasing me?” You scoffed, and he shrugged, looking back at you with a cheeky grin on his face, a grin that he reserved just for you. You looked down yourself, and you could feel the heat rise to your cheeks. He drove you crazy. “Maybe I’ll just have to find you when I have my next nightmare and take you up on that offer.”

            “I would love that.” Az whispers but then clears his throat. “ I mean, I would love to help you out, with the nightmares, I mean.”

            You smile at him, and he stands up, offering out his hand. You take it, feeling the butterflies in your stomach as he helps you up. “I have a book that’s calling my name, I’ll be in the library if you want to read with me.”

            He nods, letting go of your hand hesitantly, and you leave him to go inside.

*

            You’re in the dungeon, you could feel the damp walls under your hands, the slippery floor under your feet, and you can see a dark figure, surrounded by shadow. You press your back to the wall as far as it can go as the figure walks closer. Your hands are suddenly locked above your head, and your feet are chained to the floor.

            Azriel comes back into view, his dark eyes void of emotion, this is not the male you know. “Azriel, please- it’s me.” You beg, fighting against the chains. “Azriel please, please don’t do this.”

            He takes slow, cautious steps towards you, flipping truth-teller in his hand. He cocks his head to the side, holding up the knife is a slow movement, as if trying to figure out where to start. “Az, we’re friends, please.”

            “Actually, Y/N.” He whispers, and his eyes turn from blue to black. “We’re not.”

*

            Someone is shaking you awake, you can feel the hoarseness of your throat because of your screaming. You open your eyes, immediately finding familiar blue ones. A cry leaves your lips as you sit up on the bed, back hitting the headboard.

            “Please, please don’t hurt me.” Your voice shakes, Azriel stares at you. Where was his blade? He was just holding it. You look around, realizing slowly that you’re in your room, and that this is Azriel.

            He just stares at you, an expression on his face that you don’t recognize. He’s sitting on the edge of your bed. You take deep breaths, your chest rising and falling in rapid succession as you two stare at each other. “It was just a nightmare.” Azriel whispers, and you nod your head. “You were shouting my name.”

            “I’m sorry for waking you.” You turn to look at the clock at your bedside, it was before dawn.

            Azriel stares at you a moment longer, then runs his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath. “Why were you shouting my name?”

            “I don’t know.” You whisper, but you both knew it was a lie. The room was warm, and you felt a weird sense of dread fill your chest.

            “Your nightmares, what are they about?” Azriel whispers, his hands clenching into fists.

            “I don’t remember.” You lie again, and he groans, putting his head into his hands. The room was silent, the only sound was the feeling of your heartbeat in your ears.  

            He stands then, heading towards the door and reaching towards the handle. Despite your recent fear, you didn’t want him to leave, but you could see the hurt, the agony, written on his face as clear as day. “Please don’t go.” You whisper, pulling the covers off so you can follow him.

            He shakes his head, eyes closing for a second then reopening, pinned on yours. “Your nightmares, this whole time, the reason you haven’t been able to get a good night sleep, the reason you can’t eat some days- they are because of me?”

            You shake your head and open your mouth to speak, but the tears that fill your eyes are a clear indication. He reaches his hand towards his pocket, and you can’t help but back up, remembering him reaching for truth-teller in his dreams. His hand freezes again, and you can’t help the guilt from coursing through you.

            He finishes reaching into his pocket, slowly grasping something and tossing it on the bed. “I’m sorry.” He whispers, then leaves.

            Tears stream down your face as you hear the footsteps echoing down the hall. You climb back into bed, resting your back against the headboard and your head against your knees. You spot the object on the bed out of the corner of your eye,

            You reached for it and slowly opened the box. It was a necklace, and in the pendant in the middle was a pair of wings. You lifted the necklace up, running a finger over the chain, and you realized a note was in the box.

            “Your own wings, Love A”

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Tortured Thoughts (Azriel X Reader)

Word Count: 3900

The reader and Azriel really don't like each other, so in a an effort to force them to get along, Rhys arranges a mission. But when the mission goes wrong and Ariel has to watch you get tortured, he realizes he would do anything to get you home.

“If anyone is going to save anyone, Azriel, it’s going to be me saving you.” You spit, fists up as you two circle each other on the small sparring pad. Both of your leathers were off, and you were drenched in sweat as the sun beat down. His eyes roll in a way you’re used to.

            You can sense the kick coming and block it easily. He’s now on the other side of the ring, his eyes boring into yours. “I’m sure you wish that was the case.” He replies, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

            You run at him, trying to jump onto his shoulders so you can wrap your legs around his neck. His arms catch you, and suddenly your slammed into the ground. The wind is knocked out of you and you scrunch your eyes closed, trying to breath through the discomfort.

            When you finally open your eyes, Azriel s large shadow is blocking the sun and he’s staring at you in concern. You take a breath and cough, sitting up to catch your breath. “Asshole.” You mutter.

            He reaches a hand out to help you up, but you slap it away, getting up on your own. He rolls his eyes, again, and stands up from his kneeling position, wiping his hands off on his pants “Are you done?” He asks warily.

            “No chance.” Your fists rise again, no trace of a smile on your face anymore. Azriel stares at you, a look on his face. He opens his mouth to speak before he is interrupted.

            “Although I’m sure you two would love to try to kill each other for another couple hours, I have some errands I need done.” Rhysands voice echoes, and you both turn to look at where the high lord has seemingly materialized.

            “What is it?” Azriel asks, you sigh, placing your hand on your hip.

            “I need to send a message to Eris.” Rhys muses, looking between you two, as if sensing the palpable tension in the air. “I would like you both to go, to cover each other’s back.”

            “Oh please.” You laugh, turning to Azriel. His facial expression doesn’t change from the solumn look on his face. “Azriel would feed me to Eris at the first opportunity, wouldn’t you shadow singer?”

            It’s now Rhys that rolls his eyes, and his gaze turns to Azriel, who looks between you two. “I’m not really…asking.” Rhys says, his voice growing sterner. “Cassian is busy, and I’m not letting Az handle this alone. You two need to learn to get along.”

            “Fine.” You mutter, turning around and collecting your fallen clothing from the ground. “I’ll be ready within the hour. Azriel, if you’re not ready, I’ll do it myself.”

            You storm off, slamming the door to the house behind you, leaving Rhysand and Azriel behind.

*

            The flight was long and uncomfortable. Due to your lack of wings, Azriel had to carry you bridal style, one strong hand wrapped around your upper body and the other holding up your knees. Despite your weight, he didn’t seem to struggle, his wings making strong and powerful thrusts through the air as you went.

            You can’t help but stare at them, you haven’t ever had a moment to appreciate their beauty because of who they are attached to. With the sun behind them, you could see the velvet texture, the strong muscle under them tensing and releasing with each beat.

            As your eyes wandered to the other wing, they lock on Azriel’s curious ones. Immediately, you can feel the blush coming to your face and you choose a spot at the ground to look at instead. Trees, ranging in shades of dark green to orange, you were nearly there.

            “What’s the plan?” You ask ,not turning your head towards him due to your proximity. “Are we just going to storm in there and demand to see him?”

            “We have a meeting place.” Azriel replies, his voice gruff and serious. “We need to be careful, although we may have this thing with Eris, Baron would not hesitate to take us out if he found out we were here.”

            “I’m not dumb.” You mutter, angrily looking at him. “I am careful, I haven’t died yet- have I?”

            “I don’t think your dumb.” Azriel insists, you could feel his fingers flexing around your torso.      “We’re about to land, hold on.”

            The descent is fast, but his landing is nearly flawless as he drops to the ground. You quickly jump out of his arms, trying to create some space between you two. You stared at the male, why did you hate Azriel so much? Was it just because he hated you first?

            “Lets get this over with.” You mutter, brushing off your sleeves and looking around you. You’re in a small circular clearing, trees on all sides in varying shades of red and orange. You look back at Azriel, and he is already walking the other direction.

            You jog to catch up with him, letting out an annoyed huff as you glare up at him. “What happened to stick together? Have each others backs?”

            Azriel smirked, turning his head down to look at you. “Not my fault you were going the wrong way.” He almost teases, you slap his arm.

            “I’ve never been here before, how am I supposed to know where I’m going?” You ask, and he shrugs.

            “I’m sorry, I was under the impression that you knew it all already.” He teases again, and you almost smile at his tone.

            You two walk in silence, and you look at the trees around you. “it’s beautiful out here.” You whisper, looking up the sun through the swirls of orange and red leaves.

            “It is.” Azriel whispers, and you look at him, nearly stopping in your tracks as your eyes lock with his. In that moment, with the red hues of light shining on Azriel’s features and his blue eyes sparkling, you knew that Azriel was the most beautiful male that you would ever see.

            Suddenly, an arrow whizzes through the air, interrupting your moment. You turn, hands immediately grabbing the daggers strapped to your thighs. “Fuck.” Azriel mutters, and you can hear the tear as he pulls an arrow out of his wing. You look back at him in worry, and in that brief moment, you can hear the sound of an arrow being released, and feel the thud as that arrow lands in your thigh.

            Your daggers move before you can think, immediately impaling your attacker in the chest. Another arrow is released, and Azriel makes another grunt. You can feel the ground start to move under you, and you look to Azriel. “Run, Y/N.” Azriel grunts, falling to his knees as the poison works through his system. But it’s too late.

            The first thing you notice when you wake is the throbbing pain in your thigh, the second thing you notice is that when you go to reach your thigh, your arms are tied tightly down. You open your eyes, almost shutting them immediately due to the firelight.

            “Looks who’s awake.” A mans gruff voice muses, and you open your eyes again, letting them take a moment to focus on the male in front of you. You didn’t recognize him, but you knew he must be one of Berons.   

            You struggle against the bonds, shaking the chair in place but it doesn’t move. Panic starts to rise in your chest as your head whips around, looking for Azriel. You see him, and his eyes are already on yours. He shakes his head, in a silent plea to stay still.

            You still, looking back at the male. He walks towards you, knife in one hand, tapping it against his palm. “I know the shadow singer, but who are you?” He asks, and you shake your head.

            “I’m no one.” You whisper, trying to keep your voice small. Maybe if he thought you weren’t a threat, you would be able to escape this and call for Rhys. You knew that Az and Rhys had a connection, but it was probably too far.

            The knife found your cheek, and you could feel your body betray you as fear coursed through your system, your eyes closing in a wince. “Please, I’m no one. I swear, I was just..”

            “She was my guide.” Azriel says, and the knife leaves your cheek. The man walks over to him, and you can clearly see his restraints. While you have one rope around each wrist, he has chains wrapped around his, and not just one, but multiple.

            When you look closer, you can see blood trailing up his arms, almost as if he was struggling to get out- if Azriel couldn’t escape these bonds, how would you be able to? The male, his shining head reflecting the firelight, came up to Azriel. After a moment of silence, his fist flew through the air and connected with Azriel’s jaw.

            A scream left your lips as you tried as the chair shook as you tried to get out of it, but it was no use.          

            “Why are you here, Shadow Singer?” The man asks, his voice raspy and deep.

            “I was sent here by our healer.” Azriel explains, spitting blood on the ground. It leaves a slight red mark at the corner of his lip. “To pick up fireberries, they are very effective in treating fevers.”

            Another fist flies, and Azriel takes it. Tears well in your eyes as you stare at him, but he doesn’t look at you. The male pulls out another knife, “Maybe this will help you talk.” He muses, slamming it into Azriel’s thigh.

            You pull on the ropes again, seemingly more effected by the handle of the blade sticking out of Azriel’s leg than he is. The male pulls it out, becoming angrier at Azriel’s nonchalance.  Another fist is thrown at Azriel’s face, and another, and you hear the sobs escape your body as you watch him.

            “Stop!” You shout at the male. “You prick, he’s not lying.”

            Azriel’s eye peeks open, and the glare he gives you could kill. The male turns slowly, cocking his head at you. He pulls on Azriel’s shirt and wipes the blood off his knife. Instead of looking at the male, you stare at Azriel. His face is bloody, and his cheek and lip have busted open. Blood is openly pulling from his thigh, and even though this mans focus was on you, you were glad you didn’t have to watch Azriel get hurt anymore.

            “She doesn’t know anything.” Azriel states, spitting on the ground. “Hey asshole, I said she doesn’t know anything.”

            The male turns back to Azriel, and Azriel’s spits at him, and it lands right on his cheek. The male chuckles, using his hand to wipe the spit away. You all stare at it for a moment, before his fist rises up and connects with your temple.

            Your world is loud and cold for a fleeting moment as your head whips back, and then you feel the pain radiate to your eye as the moment ends. The male grabs you roughly by your chin, forcing you to look up at him. Tears brim in your vision as you stare at him. “What do you know?” He asks, and you shake your head, not even able to open your mouth to speak.

            Another blow, even harder than the first one, causes your head to whip in the other direction. You hear Azriel’s shouts, but it’s almost drowned out by the ringing in your ears. Your head gets pulled back up to meet the eyes of the male. “Okay Shadow Singer, what are you two doing here?”

            “Don’t-“You try to speak, and then the knife has left his hands and is in your own thigh. You scream in surprise, looking down at the blade handle protruding from your leg. You look up at Azriel, and his face is filled with complete panic and horror. His arms are flexed as he tries to escape the chains holding him down. “I’m okay, Az. I got-“

            The knife is pulled out, and before you can shout in pain, it’s shoved into your other leg. A sob leaves your throat as you try to bend over, the blood from the first wound starting to trickle down the back of your leg.

            “I’ll tell you!” Azriel shouts, nearly frantic. You look up at him and his eyes are still on yours.

            You shake your head, but he keeps talking. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” Azriel tries to get the males attention back on him. “I’m working for Lucien.”

            This phrase peaks the male’s interest, and he turns to look at back at Azriel. “How so?” The male asks, slowly stepping towards Azriel.

            “Azriel- don’t.” You shout weakly, and Azriel hesitates.

            “I need a map, I will tell you everything.” Azriel swears, and you hang your head in defeat. Your weakness, your inability to handle pain, was going to cost you everything- cost the night court everything.

            “Okay, I’ll be back.” The male states, looking between you and Azriel. He then opens a door, exiting to a hallway.

            After a few moments, another quiet sob escapes your lips as you stare at the dagger handle that’s jutting our of your thigh. “Hey, hey Y/n, look at me.” Azriel pleads, and your blood-soaked face looks up to meet his. “I will kill him.” Azriel promises, “but you need to do something for me.”

            You nod, “anything.” You whisper, and he nods. “I need you to get out of those ropes.”

            “I can’t.” You sob, pulling at them uselessly. He shakes his head.

            “Stop, stop, look at me, please.” He pleads again, and you look back into his eyes. “Y/N, fuck, I’m sorry for getting you into this.”

            “It’s not your fault.” You whisper, and he shakes his head.

            “I need you…I need you to try, please.” Azriel whispers, “for me. Just think about how much you hate me, and use that to get out.”

            “I don’t hate you.” You cry harder, sobs wracking your body.  

            “Please.” Azriel’s voice cracks, and he stares at you with a desperation you hadn’t seen on any male. “If you can get to that dagger, I promise- I will do whatever you want. I’ll stop fighting you, I’ll stop teasing you, I’ll stop egging you on, please Y/N, I will do anything- I just need to get you out of here.”

            Your arms strain as you try to pull yourself out from under the ropes, but they were too tight. The door opens and the male walks back in, a large map in his hands. He eyes you suspiciously, and you can’t help but sob again.

            “Damn.” The male mutters, clearing the table in the middle of the room and laying down the map. “You females and your emotions, you never know when to shut it.”

            You cry harder, your vision blurring as the man starts to ignore you and speak to Azriel. You pull on the ropes again with your other arm, feeling the rope give just by an inch. You grit your teeth, forcing your wrist to wriggle under the rope, nearly popping it out of it’s socket.

            The sound causes the male to turn, and before he can defend himself, the dagger is ripped out of your thigh and is flying through the air. He ducks out of the way, but the dagger lands right in the link of Azriel’s chains.

            The male backs up, his back bumping into the table as Azriel rips the chains off layer by layer. His hands flex, and the male has the decency to look absolutely terrified. You look down at your leg, at the blood oozing through your leathers. You don’t feel the urge to fight your way out anymore, you were only fighting for Azriel anyway, now he would be okay.

            Your head slumps forward and you close your eyes, feeling the tendrils of sleep find you. Suddenly a hand is gently slapping your cheek, and you feel irritation until your eyes meet Az’s. “Az.” You whisper, he’s quickly undoing your ropes that are around your torso and other arm. “You’re safe, you’re okay.”

            “I’m okay.” Azriel promises you, suddenly you’re being picked up into the air and you hear strong footsteps. “And you’re going to be okay too, I promise.”

            “I was right.” You whisper again, a small smile coming to your face. You open your eyes again, he’s looking forward and there is a hallway past you two. He must be running. “I saved you”

            “You’re always right.” Azriel pulls you closer to his chest, and suddenly you two are out in the night, and you breathe in a breath of fresh air. “Hey, don’t fall asleep on me now.” Azriel warns, and you shake your head.

            “Az….”You open your eyes, and you realize, if you were to die anywhere, you would rather it be in his arms than anywhere else. You stared at him, even with his swollen eye and bloody lip, he still looked like the most beautiful male you had ever seen.” I’m sorry- for making you think I hated you.”

            “Apologize later.” Azriel retorts, and you shake your head. Suddenly, his arms are tightening around you and you’re in the air.        “You’re going to be fine, Y/N. I got you.”         

            You watch the sky behind Azriel seem to blur together, and his eyes finally lock on yours, his eyes the only thing in your focus. “Az…” You whisper. He shakes his head, clearing his throat. “You were going to tell them about Lucian, about everything-“

            “Yes I was.” Azriel says, “You are the only thing that matters to me.”

            You could feel yourself become more tired, and your eyelids started to drop. “I’ve always loved you-“

*

            Days passed, and Azriel doesn’t leave your side, waiting for you to wake. Madja explained that it was the mixture of the poison from the arrows, blood loss and head force trauma that was causing you to take your time waking up.

            Cassian and Rhys had both offered to stay with you, even promising to come running as soon as you woke, but Azriel did not move. He sat at your bedside, unmoving, watching each exhale and waiting in agony as he waited for your next breath.

            “it’s not your fault, brother.” Rhys tries to comfort him, laying a hand on his shoulder. Azriel shrugs it off, his eyes never straying from your unconscious form.

            “It is my fault.” Azriel mutters, the guilt eating away at his gut. “I could have asked her out like a normal person, but instead, I arrange for us to go on this mission so we can spend time together and nearly get her killed.”

            “Nobody could know that would happen.” Rhys tries to soothe, and Azriel shakes his head. “Az-“

            “I don’t want to talk.” Azriel dismisses Rhysand, and Rhys sighs, taking a look around the room. He sees the fresh flowers on the night table, and pain-relieving potions, ready for you when you wake. He looks back to Azriel, seeing the bags under his eyes, but knowing there’s nothing that he could do. If that was Feyre in that bed, unconscious, he knew he wouldn’t be as reasonable as Az was being.

            He leaves the room, and Azriel stews in his thoughts, watching your chest rise and fall, your last words to him still ring in the air. “I’ve always loved you.” Cauldron, what was wrong with him? Why did he somehow hurt everything he loved?

            His eyes finally leave you, and his head falls into his hands, pulling his hair. He stays in this position, and against his will, falls into unconsciousness.

            *

            “Hey.” You whisper, poking at Azriel, who’s passed out in the most uncomfortable looking position you’ve ever seen. His wings are pressed to the wall, and he definitely does not fit in your small beside chair. “Az-“

            The speed at which his head moves almost scares you, causing you to clutch your chest. “Oh my- Azriel, are you okay?”   

            “How do you feel?” Azriel is immediately above you, holding your cheek and looking from one eye to the other. “Any pain, dizziness, are you sick to your stomac-“

            “Azriel, I’m fine.” You pull his hand away, keeping it in yours. You had a few moments to yourself while he slept to recounter the events that went down in the night court. You took a closer look at him, noticing the bags under his eyes and the specks across his face- was that dried blood?

            “Please tell me you’ve haven’t been sitting here since we got back.” You whispered, and he looks away. “Az, you look horrible.”

            “As long as your alive, I don’t care how I look.” Azriel’s voice is full of relief, and you slowly move your hand up to touch his cheek. Your fingers run across the ridges of his cheek bone, and then down his jaw.

            “You’re so annoying.” You mutter, and a frown crosses his lips. “No- I just mean that somehow you can get beat up and still look so good.”

            A small smile crosses his lips, but then it’s almost instantly gone. “Really, Az, I’m okay.” He takes a shaky breath, nodding his head. You pat the spot next to you, scooting over and wincing at the pain in your legs.

            He quickly hands you a vial, and you take it, recognizing it as one of Madjas mixtures. “Please, sit with me.” You insist, looking at him. “I..I just want to talk, please.”

            Azriel nods, taking the place next to you and leaning back on the headboard. You two sit in silence for a moment before you finally break it. You look at him, “I…did you mean what you said?”

            “Every word.” Az whispers, and you nod, grabbing his hand and playing with his fingers. He watches you, and you sigh.

            “I am so glad that you are okay.” Your eyes tear up, and you look at him. His brows furrow, and his hands grip yours tightly. “being there- seeing you tied up, it made me realize that although we fight, you are the only person I really care about. You’re the only person who..you’re the only one.” You can’t even make a comprehensive sentence.

            Azriel nods, giving your hand another squeeze. “Y/N, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it now, none of it matters without you.”

            You nod, wiping a stray tear from your eye as you smile weakly at him. “I will never let you get hurt again.” Azriel swears, and you nod. “I would go to the ends of the world to save you.”

            You squeeze his hand, and you both lay back on the headboard. A few, quiet moments later, he’s asleep. You look at the male, the male you love, and also lean back in contentment, closing your eyes and falling asleep right next to him.

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Mated to Another (Azriel x Reader)

Word count: 2500

Azriel overhears a conversation where you tell Feyre that you found your mate, Azriel does not take the news well.  

Prologue:

            Azriel’s hands found both of your shoulders, forcing you to sit. “Please, Y/N, stay here, stay safe, for me.” He pleaded, grabbing his hands in yours. Your hands shook as you looked down at your wrecked knee, swollen and bloody.

            You shook your head, trying to stand but falling back. Tears filled your eyes as you looked into his blue ones, which were already locked on yours. You squeezed his hands, shaking your head and trying to stop the tears that were falling. His hand found your cheek, and you could tell that leaving you was hard for him too.  

            In that moment, the world seemed to stop, the tears and shaking fell away and all you saw was him, and all you felt was the golden thread that was tying him to you. Azriel was…your mate. As you stared into his eyes, you could swear he could feel it too, the love you felt, the fear you felt, everything. His thumb wiped under your eye as his lips slowly parted.

            Then the moment was over, his head whipped behind him as Cassian shouted at him to hurry up. He looked back at you, giving you a stern nod, and stood back up. “Stay here.” Azriel shouted sternly before taking off into the sky.

            You sat in shock, you pulled at the string in your chest but could feel nothing in return. Azriel was your mate, but you knew, deep down, Azriel would not want to be yours.

Today:

            “Oh please.” You laughed at Feyre, looking at the absolute horrible painting in front of you. While Feyre was a natural artist, you were certainly not.

            “No, it’s good! “Feyre insisted, you looked over your shoulder to where she stood, paintbrush in hand, the handle against her lips as she contemplated. You rolled your eyes, trailing back to the painting in front of you.

            Darkness, swirls of it, covered the canvas, also combined with a dark shade of blue. It looked like a mess, but it was the only thing that you could come up with. Feyre had been trying to teach you to paint ever since you told her you needed a hobby, she seemed to enjoy it so you thought you could give it a try. Maybe crocheting would be a better option.

            “It’s okay, you can just tell me.” You sighed, tossing the paintbrush into the cup of water. You both stared at the painting in silence before Feyre spoke again.

            “I just don’t think I understand it.” She explained, and you nodded in agreement.

            For months, you had been trying to find something to get Azriel off your mind. Your heart physically ached whenever he was around, and you could feel yourself pulling away from him for your own sanity.

            “What’s going on Y/N?” Feyre gently prodded, her hand gently laying on your shoulder. “You can tell me, you know.”

            You nodded, taking a deep breath. “I found my mate.” You whispered, and she froze. She walked in front of you, squatting down so she could look you in the eyes where you sat.

            Her eyes narrowed, and she asked, “Do I know this person?”

            You quickly shook your head, not willing to give her that part of the truth. “No, no you don’t.”

            She nods and gives you a small smile, squeezing your hand. “Is that why you’ve been pulling away from everyone, especially Azriel?” She asks now, and you nod. “You two were best friends, Cauldron, I thought you were in love with him.”

            You choked, somewhere between a snort and a sob. “It’s been really hard.” You wipe at your tears, looking up at her through your blurred vision. “I did love him, but being mated now…it changes things.”

            She envelopes you in a hug, and although it should be comforting, it wasn’t. You wished you could tell her the truth, but you knew if she knew, then Rhysand would know, and Rhysand was Azriel’s brother. She leans back again with her hands still lingering on your shoulders. “Have you told this person?”

            “Nope.” You replied, wiping the tears under your eyes and taking a breath. “I’m sorry, I just haven’t talked to anyone about this.”

            She nods understandingly. Your eyes found their way back to the portrait and as you stared, you finally understood. Azriel’s shadows swarmed the page, and through it, you could see his eyes haunting you.

             Weeks, and multiple unsuccessful hobbies later, Rhysand had paired you and Azriel on another mission together. You had hesitated to agree, but you needed to learn to work with Azriel if you two were going to stay in the night court.

            The mission was easy, it was as simple as flying over to the autumn court and grabbing some fresh herbs the madja needed. But throughout the mission, you found that Azriel had pulled away completely. He barely spoke to you at all, and he felt almost like a stranger.

            You two walked silently through the forest, you had a pouch at your waist to toss the herbs in. Every so often, you would glance at him, his black leathers and large wings seem to stand out against the orange canopy. His eyes met yours, and you found yourself blushing and quickly looking back towards the ground.

            “How have things been?” You tried to break the tension in the air, peeking back at Azriel. He was still looking at you, and gave you a shrug.

            “They’ve been fine.” He replied.

            You felt a pang in your chest, and knew it was silly to be this upset. Months ago, you two had conversations that lasted throughout the night, conversations that somehow contained tears, laughter and hysterics. But now…you couldn’t even ask him how he was without him eyeing you in suspicion.

            “Well well well.” A familiar voice echoed through the trees, you froze in place as Eris came into view.

            Azriel stepped in front of you, his wing nearly blocking your vision of the son of the high lord. You huffed in annoyance, stepping out from beside him and crossing your arms at Eris.

            “No need to get so defensive, Shadow Singer.” Eris mocked, “I’m just here to see an…old friend.” He raised his eyebrows at you, and you rolled your eyes.

            You and Eris had a…beneficial friendship. While he had definitely done some iffy things in the past, he’s someone that you would call morally gray. Eris held out a bag for you in his hand, and you walked over to grab it. You could feel Azriel fuming behind you.

            “Be careful, Y/N.” Az warned, and his worry warmed your heart.

            You snatched the bag from Eris’s hand, giving him a smirk. He pulled you in, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek and looking you over. “Are they treating you right over there?” He teased, and you rolled your eyes again. “You know, as soon as you say the word, I’ll get down on one knee and we can get this alliance started.”

            Lord Baron, the autumn court high lord, had taken a special interest in you after Mor had “disappointed” them. Although you had no interest in being associated with this court, you and Eris had created a fragile alliance, and you knew if the time came and Rhysand needed you, you would step in and take a place next to Eris to bring Baron down.

            Azriel eyed you suspiciously as you walked back, the bag of rare herbs in your hand. Eris gave you two a nod and Azriel grabbed you, pulling you away and out of the autumn court.

            “What was that?” Azriel hissed in annoyance.

            “Me and Eris have an arrangement.” You looked at him, surprised by his anger. “Az, you know about this alliance, it’s all Rhys’s idea.”

            Azriel’s fist clenched and unclenched as you walked, and you could see his wings tensing behind him. “You do know he is the enemy right?” His head turned towards you, and you could see the anger in his eyes. “Just because you have an alliance does not mean you have to let him kiss you and manipulate you like that.”

            “Oh please!” You huffed in annoyance, “I do not let him manipulate me.”

            Azriel stopped suddenly, and you quickly turned on him. Azriel’s eyes looked at you, then looked behind him, as if confused. “Is…is he the one your mated to? Is he your mate?”

            You coughed in surprise, heart aching at the idea. You shook your head. “What are you talking about?”

            “I overheard you, that day in Feyres studio. I had come to visit, to see… to see Feyre.” He admitted, “And I come to find out that you have a mate!”

            “You had no right to eavesdrop.” You growl, your own fist clenching. Despite how beautiful the weather had been hours before, the sky started to turn dak, and the wind picked up.

            “Well, I’m glad I did.” Azriel muttered, looking up at the sky as well. “So is he? Your mate?”

            “No.” You stare at him, pulling desperately at the bond, pulling desperately at him, but his expression didn’t change. Instead of the face of Az, you see the shadow singer, blankness coating his features, making him nearly unrecognizable to you.

            “We should get back.” Azriel mutters, stretching out his wings. You walk over to him, letting him pick you up as you two had done so many times, and he takes off to the sky.

*

            Days passed, and you and Azriel had not spoken a single word. You found yourself locked in your room, arms wrapped around your knees as you stared out the window. You found yourself pulling at the bond every so often, just to see, but it felt like the bond was an endless void.

            You thought about Eris, the possible alliance, and although the idea of getting away from here was appealing, you didn’t think that you could handle acting like someone’s bride. You loved Azriel so much…the idea of any other male was repulsing.

            A knock sounded on the door and looked to find Mor standing there. She looked at you with concerned eyes, and you could almost see the question on her mind. “I’m fine, Mor. Thanks for checking in.”

            “You’re obviously not fine.” She crosses her arm, leaning against the door frame. “We’re going to Rita’s tonight, do you want to come?”

            “No thanks, I’ll stay in.” You hug your knees tighter, turning to look back out the window. After a few moments, Mor sighs.

            “I know you’re not ready to talk now, but Azriel is your friend, even though he can be a dick sometimes.” Her voice is still filled with concern. “No matter what you guys are going through right now, you can talk to me about it, okay?”

            “Thanks Mor.” You whisper, and you can hear the door shut a few moments later.

*

            Rhy’s voice fills your mind, waking you up from your sleep. “It’s Azriel, we need you in here, now.”

            You quickly get up, grabbing the dagger Azriel had gifted you and nearly running out the door. Was Azriel in trouble? The thought made your heart pound and made you sick to your stomach.

            You could hear Azriel’s voice before you could see them. “I love her, you cannot send her to Eris. Please.”

            “Azriel, you’re drunk.” Rhysand groaned, “I’m not sending her anywhere, this whole thing is a back up plan in case things go wrong-“

            “Back up plan or not, I’m asking as your friend, as your brother!” Azriel shouts, and you hear something shatter. You enter the room and come face to face with a very intoxicated Azriel and an exasperated Rhys.

            Azriel’s eyes lock with yours, and relief seems to fill his features in a way you hadn’t seen in weeks. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?” He whispers, his eyes flicking towards the clock on the wall.           

            “it’s okay Az.” You look between him and Rhys.

            After a few moments of tension, you slowly reach for Azriel’s arm. You had only seen him this drunk once, and it was after a mission went wrong, he was never the type to lose control like this. “Come on Az, let’s get you to bed.”

            He nods, sending a childish glare at Rhys and letting you pull him away and down the hall. You make the quiet trek to his room, and you open the door for him. “Good night Az.”

            “Please, don’t go.” He whispers, grabbing your arm. You look into his eyes, his pupils were large and his eyes were slightly glazed over. “it’s been a while, can we talk?”

            “It’s late.” You insist, he shakes his head. “Fine, just for a minute, okay?”

            He nods, and you walk in, closing the door behind you. You sit on the edge of his bed, and he sits on the other end. “Why are you so drunk Az?”

            “Cassian.” He muttered, rubbing his eyes. You nodded, understanding. Nobody liked a party more than Cas. He leaned back on his large headboard, his eyes closing. You watched him, feeling the familiar pain in your chest that you know associated with him.

            “Is it bad that I wish it was me?” Az whispers, his eyes staying closed.

            “Wish what was you?” you whisper back.

            “I wish that I was your mate, not some random male.” He replies, and your heart nearly stops in your chest “To find out that the woman I loved… was mated, I think that is the worst feeling I ever felt.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “I know you’re going through it too, this whole thing is hard.”

            You sit in silence, his words echoing in your head. He wished that it was him? You had thought the only reason the bond hadn’t snapped into place was because he didn’t love you as much as you loved him.

            His eyes open, the glassy look was no longer there. All you could feel was your heart beat, it seemed to consume your entire being as you stared at him. “I’m sorry, that…that wasn’t right for me to say.” He apologizes, reaching for your hand. He holds it gingerly, a concerned look starting to cross his face as you just continue to stare at him. “Are you…upset?”

            “It….” You whisper, not sure how to expel the words. Was this the right time? Should you even tell him? He deserved to know, didn’t he?

            “It…” You try again, not sure of the words you were trying to get out.

            “You don’t have to tell me who it is.” Azriel’s thumb runs comfortingly along your hand, a familiar gesture that you had grown to love. You could feel the tears filling your eyes.

             You grabbed his hand, holding it like your life depended on it. “Az, it’s you. It’s always been you.

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

If I Can't Have You, No One Can (Azriel X Reader) part 2

Word count: 2300

The reader and Azriel always go out of their way to ruin each others date, but the reader finds that she misses Azriel's constant interruptions.

A/N: I was totally not planning on making this 2 parts but this was so fun!! Also I can't seem to write anything less than 2000 words for the life of me, I'm so sorry.

            Things had been weird since your confrontation with Azriel, he avoided you completely. While you two weren’t ever close, you could at least be in the same room as each other, but now you didn’t even get that. Despite how much you disliked him, you found that you actually missed his presence.

            You think about the Shadowsinger, it had been weeks since your last date and the things he told you would not stop repeating themselves in your head. Your biggest regret, to this day, was not risking your life to save those people, how could he sit back and say that he would make the same choices over again? The same choices that haunted you day after day? If you had gone in, you could have at least saved some of them-

            “What’s gotten into you?” Mor interrupts your thoughts; her feet are up on one arm of their chair and she’s examining her nails. When you don’t respond, she looks at you. You shake your head, bringing yourself back to reality.

            “Nothing.” You mumble, glancing from her to the window.

            Mor stares at you for a few more moments then sighs, turning and looking at you fully. You raise your eyebrow at her, but she just stares, her lips turning into a thin line. “This has something to do with Azriel, doesn’t it?”

            “How could you even know that?” You groaned, pulling the pillow from your lap to cover your face.

            “I just know things, sweet Y/N.” Mor replied, “Also I don’t think I’ve heard you complain about him once these past two weeks, so something was definitely up.”

            “Maybe he’s just not being as annoying as usual.” You peek around the pillow, and shes giving you a small smile. You bring the pillow back down to your lap and sigh. “He just…he ruined my last date, and then we got into a big argument, and he took off before it could be resolved.”

            “And when have you ever cared about non-resolved arguments? There’s more to this story.” Mor pressed, you could see the curiosity in her eyes even from feet away. “What was this fight about?”

            “About him ruining my date!” You exclaimed, Mor shook her head.

            “If I recall, I think you ruin all of his dates as well.” Mor smirked, “If you don’t want to tell me the truth, that’s one thing, but don’t lie to me.”

            “We fought about our first mission.” You whispered, looking up at her. Her eyes softened. Mor had been your rock through everything, the mission failure, the hatred you felt towards Az, she saw you through it all and made sure that you were okay in the end. “He told me…he basically told me that if he could go back, he wouldn’t change anything, even if I hated him for it.”

            Mor nods slowly, not speaking, so you continued. “That day, that mission, is the single worse day of my life, and he knows it, and it’s…he’s such an asshole for not wanting to go back and change it.”

            Mor sighs, nodding. After a few quiet moments she stands up, brushing off her pants and looking at you with a determined face. “It sounds like we need to get your mind off him, lets set you up with someone new.”      

            Although going out and talking to a random stranger for a few hours is the last thing you want to do, you need to get your mind off Azriel. “Fine.” You mutter, standing up. “Make sure the place has a good bar.”

            A few hours later, you were sitting with a new male, drinking a cocktail and laughing at a joke he said. He was handsome, with blonde hair and sharp features. You did not know how Mor found these people to set you up with.

            “So, tell me about yourself.” He mused, putting his drink to his lips and taking a sip. The bar was busy tonight, and you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander to see if he was here.

            “Well…”You trailed off, taking a sip from the straw and locking eyes with him. “I’m not sure what to say, I’ve been friends with Mor for a few decades now and enjoy espresso martinis as much as the next girl.”

            The man hummed, giving you a small smile. “Any hobbies?”

            “Not really.” You looked around again, trying to see if Azriel was here to ruin your date. “I like to read, I guess.”    

            “That sounds cool.” The male replied, and you nodded. He watched your eyes wander around the bar, looking for any traces of shadows. Despite the males glowing looks and height, he was a bore, and you couldn’t help but hope that Azriel would come in and interrupt it somehow. “Are you looking for someone?”

            “What- no, why do you ask?” Your eyes trailed back to his again, and he sighed. “ugh, I’m sorry. It’s just, I’m distracted and today is not a good day for me. Could we try this again some other time?”

            The male nodded, “I guess we should pay then.” He reached down, patting around his pants pockets, finding nothing there. “Damn, I must have left my money at home, would you mind?”

            Your eyebrows rose, and you nodded, pulling out a few bills to leave on the counter. He finished his drink and gave you a short wave before leaving.

            You sat there for a few minutes, watching the patrons drink and laugh around you, and you couldn’t help but miss Azriel. Although he annoyed you to no end, he had never actually ended a date that was going to end up being anything anyways, right? You sipped your drink. He had told you that he didn’t hate you, that your life was more important than anyone’s, what did that mean?

            A shadow slowly snaked up your arm, and you felt a weird rush of relief flow through your system. He was here, but he got here too late to interrupt anything. You had so many questions for him, and for the first time, you really wanted to sit down and talk to him. You wanted to hear him out and maybe get an explanation for why he always had a habit of getting under your skin.

            You turned, a smile coming to your face as you spotted him, but then the smile slowly fell as you saw a new girl leading him to the bar. They sat across from you, and Azriel made eye contact with you, and you could see his jaw tense with annoyance. You couldn’t blame him, you two had made a truce, and here you were, while he was on another date. At least this time you didn’t come with the purpose of ruining his day.

            “Would you like another drink?” The bartender asks you, eyeing your empty glass. You nodded, taking out a few more bills and placing them on the bar. He nodded, grabbing those and quickly returning with a new beverage. The girl laughs, grabbing Azriel’s arm, and you can feel a weird sense of…anxiety? Jealously?

            You sip the drink, trying not to watch them but having a hard time not doing so. They both get their drinks, his normal broody self is gone is replaced by this male you don’t recognize, one that has gentle smiles and is okay with small touches. His eyes meet yours again, and his eyebrows grow close in a worried gesture. He’s probably worried you’re going to ruin his date, which seems to be going well.

            You quickly look away, grabbing your drink and finishing it off. Before the bartender can ask you if you want another, you are quickly throwing a few bills on the bar and hopping off the stool, walking out into the night. The thought of watching Azriel and that girl laughing and touching for any more time made you feel sick to your stomach.

            The night air was refreshing as you started your trek home. The night was clear, and you could see the stars as plain as day, the mountain tops almost reflecting the brightness of the sky. You were alone with your thoughts, the only sound echoing being your feet on the cobblestone.

            Your mind came back to the night you were out here with Azriel, the anger and pain in his expression as he told you he would have made that same decision, where he told you he didn’t hate you.

            What was wrong with you? You hated Azriel, you hated his arrogance and self-assurance, his beautiful features and the way his smile seemed to brighten up any room, you hated his laugh even though you rarely got to hear it. Did you hate him?

            A hand grabbed your arm, and you quickly turned, throwing a fist into the direction of the perpetrator. The male quickly grabbed your hand, pushing it down and holding your arm in place, you made eye contact with Azriel.

            “Oh- sorry.” You mumbled, pulling your hand quickly away from him. You shook your head, clearing your thoughts before remembering his date.

            “What’s your problem?” Azriel asked, and you raised your eyebrows, genuinely confused.

            “I’m sorry, what?” You asked, clutching your bag closer to you.

            “I was on a good date.” Azriel explained, his eyebrows raising as he stared at you expectantly.

            You stared at him blankly, realizing he wasn’t going to elaborate. “Congratulations? You should probably go back in there then, before she leaves.”

            “Why didn’t you interrupt it? He asked, and you stared at him. What was he on about? “Why didn’t you tell her I was contagious, or that I had a wife, or that I was trying to scam her?”

            “I thought we called a truce.” You replied, and he shook his head in disbelief.

            “If we called a truce, why were you there?”

            “I was on my own date.” You rolled your eyes, “Despite what you may think Azriel, my life does not revolve around you.”

            “Oh.” He muttered, looking from you back at the bar. “So you weren’t there to ruin my date?”

            “You should probably go back in there.” You tried to give him a smile, and that concerned expression came back to his face. “Please, just…I’m tired. I need to walk home.”

            “Let me walk you home.” Azriel whispered, and you looked at him. His eyes were genuine, so you nodded. “I…I already told my date it wasn’t going to work out anyways.”

            “Yeah, I told mine too.” You replied, you two walked in silence down the cobblestone path. After a few moments, you cleared your throat. “I-uh, I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day.”

            Azriel's head turned to look at you as you walked, but your gaze flickered between the view in front of you and the ground, not at him. “I don’t hate you either, you know.” You whispered, voice coming out shaky. “I’ve tried.”

            A few more steps were taken before he replied, “I have definitely tried as well.” You cracked a smile.

            “You want to know something weird?” You nudged him, and he nodded. “I was kind of hoping you would interrupt my date; it was going terribly.”     

            He laughed, a real laugh. “It sounds crazy, but I felt the same way.”

            “What!” You laughed as well, grabbing his arm. “You told me it was going well! “

            “I don’t think any of my dates have gone well.” Azriel sighed, looking over at you. “Honestly, whenever I am on a date and you are there, you’re the only girl I’m thinking about.”

            You freeze, a blush filling your cheeks as his words sink in. “Really?”

            “Unfortunately.” Azriel teases, “And tonight, I was waiting for the snide comment or remark, and you just left. I thought something was really wrong, so I left my date with a few bills and left.”     

            You two walked, your arms wrapped around his large one, your footsteps synchronized. “I’m sorry, for treating you so horribly all these years.” You admit, looking up at him. He just shook his head, giving your arm a comforting squeeze. “No, I just…I’ve always blamed myself for what happened on that mission.”

            “That was my call, not yours. “Azriel replied sternly, and you shook your head. “Honestly, it kills me how much it affects you, I thought it would be easier to let you hate me for it than blame yourself, but I was wrong, but I couldn’t lose you that day Y/N.”

            You processed his words, and you looked up at him . He was staring ahead, his profile dark against the moonlight. You pulled his arm, urging him to stop. He stared down at you, his eyes flickering from your lips back to your eyes. You held your breath, lips parting slightly as you took him in. His words rang in your head, ‘your life means more to me than anyone else’s’.

            Unlike last time, when anger filled the air, it was uncertainty. You realized you wanted him so badly, but this was totally uncharted territory. Hell, weeks ago, you had hated the male, but did you really?

            “I have something else to admit.” You whispered, you didn’t wait for a response. “Your life…also means more to me than anyone else’s, and I really, really, don’t hate you.”

            He leans closer, and your breath seems to come out in shorter and shorter pants as you two lock eyes again. His lip’s part, and you can feel yourself gravitating closer to him.

            “Say that again.” He whispers against your lips.

            “I don’t hate you.” You whisper, and you are nearly knocked off your feet as his lips collide with yours.

            “I’ve never hated you either.”

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

MASTERLIST

Here is the list of every fic I’ve written! Mostly Bucky, Azriel, and a dash of Harry Potter. 

Thank you for reading! <3

Keep reading

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

If I Can’t Have You, No One Can (Azriel X Reader)

Azriel and the reader always sabotage each other’s dates, one way or another. But eventually, enough is enough.

PART 2

Word Count: 2100

            You didn’t like a lot of people, there were probably more people you disliked than actually liked at this point. For example, you disliked people who couldn’t chew with their mouth closed, people who couldn’t walk at a normal pace, and people who were late to everything. But there was one type of person you disliked the most, this person had short black hair, blue eyes, tattoos and large wings.

            You couldn’t exactly pinpoint which part of Azriel you disliked the most, maybe it was his superiority complex, maybe it was the way seemed to always know what to say that would get on your nerves, or maybe it was the way he always found a way to scare the males away that you were trying to take home.

            It hadn’t always been like this, when you two had first met you had been amicable, maybe you had been more friendly towards him than most due to his undoubtably beautiful features, but after that first introduction, it went downhill fast. You two had been on a mission together that went totally wrong, and you two blamed each other. To this day, Azriel still hadn’t accepted that the reason the mission went bad was his fault, but that was decades ago.

            You watched Azriel walk into Ritas with a new girl on his arm, you had overheard Morrigan telling Rhys that he was going out tonight to give someone new a shot, since he was trying to get over Elaine. You had thought, I have no plans tonight, maybe I’ll go to Ritas. So here you were, sitting at a table in the back.

            You felt one of his shadows before you saw it, and you gave it a small smile. His shadows were much friendlier than he was. You could feel him stiffen and glance around the room, before his eyes landed on yours. He rolled his eyes, his mouth opening slightly as if emitting a groan. The female he was with was beautiful, but totally not his type, he was lucky that you were here to ruin his date.

            You watched them sit in a small booth and get their drinks ordered, then decided now would be a good time to make your move. You got up, walking over to their table. Once you got there, you placed a hand on your hip and looked between Azriel and the girl.

            “Hi! I’m Y/N.” You gave the girl a large grin.

            “Y/N, please go away.” Azriel huffed, looking at the girl he was with apologetically. His large frame barely fit in the booth, his large wings looking scrunched behind him.

            “I just want to let you know, you’re the third girl he’s brought in this week.” You whispered towards her, and he opened his mouth in objection. “I was the first, the second was actually earlier today.”

            “oh…” The girl trailed off, looking between you and Azriel.

            “I’m sorry.” You frowned at her, looking between her and Azriel, only him seeing the glint in your eye. “You could do so much better.”

            “I have to go, actually.” The girl cleared her throat, and you moved out of the way as she got up, tucking her purse under her arm. She gave Azriel a tight-lipped smile, and looked at you and mouthed thanks, then turned and walked out.

            After a moment of silence, you sat down where she sat. Someone dropped the drinks off that Azriel and his date had ordered, and you grabbed the glass and took a sip, relishing in the angry look in Azriel’s eyes.

            “What is your problem?” Azriel growled, you shrugged innocently.

            “Hey, don’t be like that.” You cooed, grabbing the straw and taking another sip. “Remember my last date here, you told him that I had given you some disease.”

            “That was only fair, because you told someone that on my last date.” Azriel grabbed his drink, taking an angry sip before standing up. He threw some coins on the table. “She was nice, you know.”

            “I’m sure she was, too nice for you.” You replied, finishing the drink and standing up. “We can always call a truce, you know.”          

            “Fuck no.” Azriel muttered, storming out and slamming the door behind him. You watched the shadow that had been snaking around your arm leave to follow him, leaving you alone in Ritas.

            Weeks later, you were on your next date with someone that you had recently met through Mor. He was handsome, sweet and had great manners. He had walked you to a new restaurant, opened the door for you and even pulled out your chair.

            “You are beautiful.” The male whispered, taking a sip of his wine. The atmosphere reeked of high class, white tablecloths lined each table along with a wine glass, which the waiters continuously filled. You gave the male a small smile, brushing your hair out of your eyes as you took a sip of your wine.

            “Thank you, you’re pretty handsome yourself.” You replied.

            This wasn’t the typical male you would go for, as you looked at him. Well combed hair, clean shaven skin- free of tattoos, he wasn’t exactly your type. But you could get over that, at least for the night. You had promised Mor you would give the male a chance.

            “Are you two ready to order?” A gruff voice said, you looked up, almost spitting out your wine as you made eye contact with Azriel. You covered your face in your hands, quietly accepting that the night was over.

            “Yes sir, thank you.” The male across from you replied, “I will have the special, and so will she.”

            “You look very familiar madam.” Azriel tapped on his chin, as if pondering. “Oh yes, you dined with us last week, and the week prior. We still have your bills, the poor dates you were with weren’t able to afford it.”

            “What?” The male across from you asked, folding his napkin and placing it on the table. “You must have her confused, this is her first time here.”

            “Do I look like I’m confused?” Azriel looked at the male, who quickly averted his eyes to you. “Would you like to pay for the bills she left behind? It’s around..” Azriel looked back at his note pad, then announced a ridiculously high number. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

            The male shook his head, leaving a few bills on the table before getting up. “Sorry Y/N, I will not be played for a fool, good night.”        

            The male walked out, and you finished off your wine as you looked back at the shadowsinger. “Thanks for that.” You muttered, placing your napkin from your lap back on the table. You stood, reaching over and grabbing the male’s glass and finishing off his wine as well.

            “Just repaying a debt. “Azriel untied the apron and placed it on the table, and you started to walk towards the front door with Az on your tail. “He deserved better anyways, I don’t think he could have handled you.”

            The door opened, and you took a deep breath of the cool night air, you could feel the rage building inside of you as Azriel leaned against the wall, a smug grin on his face. “Oh no, did I make you angry?” He teased, crossing his arms.

            You took another calming breath, trying to count to ten to calm yourself down further, but it wasn’t working. “I’m fine.” You muttered, starting the long trek back to the house. Azriel jogged to catch up with you, grabbing your shoulder.

            “Come on, let me fly you back.”

            “Fuck you.” You spat, pushing his hand off and continuing the walk. He continued to walk behind you, and you two walked in silence for a few blocks before you turned around, causing him to nearly lose his footing. “Actually, what is your problem?”

            “What’s my problem?” Azriel laughed out loud in disbelief, “You are my problem.”

            “And what did I do exactly?” You crossed your arms, people walked on either side of you on the sidewalk as you and Azriel stared at each other.

            “You are so infuriating.” Azriel retorted, “You always assume you’re right and you always have something smart to say, and you’re always in my business.”        

            “And you don’t?” You looked at him, eyebrow raised. “Last time I remember, you literally have something to say about everything! Every comment I say, you have a reply, every plan I make, you find a flaw.” You ticked off your fingers, “Oh yeah, and every date I go or every guy I see, you find a way to ruin it for me.”

            “Yeah, like you don’t do the same for me?” Azriel laughed, “Cauldron, if I ever thought you were on a date with someone who could handle you or that deserved you, I would let that date continue, but every male you choose- your choices are garbage, I don’t even feel bad about ending it prematurely.”

            “Like you’re a good judge of character.” You glared at him, taking a deep breath before turning and continuing your walk.

            “There you go again.” Azriel matched your gait, walking next to you. “Everything is always up to you, the conversation ends when you say so. That’s another infuriating thing about you.”

            “I have a list of things about you that infuriate me, don’t even get me started or we will be here all night.” You replied.

            “Please go on, I would love to hear.” Azriel laughed sarcastically.

            “Fine, “You huffed, the only sound for a moment was the clicking of your heels on the rocky pavement. “You think you’re better than everyone else, you are more obsessed with your ‘duty’ to the court than your friends, you’re mysterious to the point where I’ve known you for decades and still don’t know anything about you, and you can’t admit when you’re wrong.”

            “Anything else?” Azriel asked, his smile had faded into a grim line as you looked over at him. You stopped abruptly, raising your hands exasperated.

            “Yes! You walk too slow, and you won’t admit that you almost got us killed in our first mission!” You shouted, he stared at you, eyes filled with anger.

            “You almost got us killed in that mission.” Azriel pointed a finger at you, and you shook your head.

            “If you would have just let me go in there, we would have saved countless lives.” You hit his finger out of the way. The mission came back to you, Azriel flying above the burning temple. You could hear the screaming, you begged him to let you go, but he wouldn’t let you run in. You had kicked back, knocking his wing and causing you both to crash. The temple was still up in flames but by the time you got there, there were no screams left.

            “If I let you go, you would have died!” Azriel shouted, raising his own arms. His wings grew outstretched as they usually did when he was angry. “Y/N, are you serious?”

            “Yes I’m serious!” You shouted, “It would have been one life for 5, I can’t justify that to myself.”

            “I can.” Azriel seethed, “if I could go back and do it again, I would make the same call.”

            “Why?” You pinched the bridge of your nose, “Az- you literally hate me.”

            “No I don’t.” Azriel grabbed your arms, almost shaking you. “I would make that same call, even if you do hate me for it, even if you hate me for the rest of my life. Your life is more important to me than anyone’s.”

            You stared at him, unsure how to take in the quick change in the moment. The anger still ran through your veins, but the way he was looking at you…. You glanced between his eyes to his lips, eyes flickering between the two. Your deep breaths seemed to line up as you two stood there in the silence of the moment.

            “Az…” You whispered, slowly moving your hands to grab his strong forearms. He stared at you a moment longer, before letting go. He started to walk away, and you reached for him but missed by an inch. “Wait!”

            He didn’t stop, and you quickly caught up with him. “Az, we’ve never talked about it, please.”

            “I don’t want to talk about it.” Azriel huffed, “Just…lets call a truce, okay? I’ll stop ruining your life if you stop ruining mine.”

            You nodded, stopping and watching him walk across the stone bridge. He looked back at you, before taking off into the night sky.

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Letters Never Sent (Azriel X Reader)

   Word count: 3200

Azriel and the reader used to best friends, but when she left for the day court and he didn't even come say goodbye, she no longer knows where they stand. I love angst.

        

    Your time in the day court was nothing but welcoming. There seemed to be a different aura in the air there, a brightness that the night court didn’t have and the sweet smell of growth and spring wherever you turned. You and Rhys had agreed to station you here, with Helion, due to all the tensions throughout the courts. He hoped that your stay would ensure that Helion would not switch sides.

               You doubted Helion would, after eating meals with the high lord twice a day for a few months, you felt like you knew the true him. Helion was genuinely kind and caring of his people, and you could see that once he was an Ally, he would be an ally until the end. You spent your days roaming through the halls of his estate, looking at art or examining the flowers filling the vases down every hall.

               Although the day court was beautiful and occupied you, you missed your home, and you missed your friends. You received numerous letters from Mor and Feyre, telling you about recent events and updates about the males. Every word about Azriel piqued your interest and simultaneously filled you with a sense of anxiety, hoping that he was alright.

               As you arrived back in your room, you noticed a letter on your bed, enveloped in a dark red paper. You smiled to yourself, jumping on the bed and snatching it, nearly ripping it open and reading the words from Mor.

“Y/n,

I know that you are probably having a fantastic time with the day court high lord, you know I would be, but I must ask that you take a break from your serious work and come home to join us for starfall. We all miss you, and you know it is your favorite event of the year.

Cassian wants me to note that he insists that you come home, but we all trust the day court will be able to live a few days without your presence.

I expect to see you tomorrow night,

All my love,

Mor

               You smiled, hugging the letter to your chest as you looked around the grand room Helion had granted you. Despite Mors assumptions, you had not entertained Helion in anyway but your conversation and friendly company. You jumped off the bed, pulling the box of letters from under it and placing another letter to the pile. Over the months, Mor had sent you multiple letters, so had Feyre and Cassian, but none from the shadowsinger.

               You thought of Azriel and sighed, brushing your hair back from your face and leaning against the bed. Sure, Rhys had asked you to come for the sake of your court, but you had agreed to come here to get some space. And while you were gone, you had thought about him every day, written numerous letters and thrown them out, letters filled with sadness, then anger.

               He was one of your closest friends, someone that you had known for centuries, yet he didn’t even blink when you told him you were leaving, and he wasn’t even there to say goodbye.

               You could feel the tears well in your eyes and blinked them away, standing up and looking around the room. You grabbed a small bag from your wardrobe and started packing the essentials, although you had clothes at the night court, the day court attire was starting to grow on you. You actually enjoyed not wearing black all the time.

               You took one last look at the room as you closed the door, heading towards Helion’s chambers to let him know about your departure. As you walked in, your bag dropped from your hand and a gasp left your lips. Morrigan stood with him, deep in conversation.

               “Mor!” You shouted, running over to her and wrapping your arms around her frame. You could feel her jump and surprise, but then felt her arms wrap around you as well. “You’re here!”

               “of course I am, it’s not like you can winnow.” She teased, pulling you away and giving you a closer look. “How are you so tan? It’s only been 2 months.”

               “It’s almost as if she belongs here.” Helion mused, sending a wink in your direction. “Don’t be too long, Y/N. The day court will grow darker with each day of your departure.”

               “You’re so dramatic, “you teased, he gave you a handsome smile.

               “Grab your stuff and let’s go.” Mor ordered, and you grabbed the small bag from the floor. “It was nice seeing you again, I’ll pass on the message to Rhysand.”

               Helion gave you a short wave as mor grabbed your arm, and you could feel the normal rush of winnowing, the feeling of two pieces of fabric folding together. You were suddenly in the night court, and as you took a deep breath you could smell the familiar scent through the air of home.

               “Wow, it feels so good to be back.” You smiled, turning to look at Mor. She smiled back at you.

               “Thank you for writing to me, I swear, sometimes reading your letters was the only thing that kept me sane.” ‘

               “Oh I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.” Mor teased, wiggling her eyebrows. “I know I’ve seen plenty of ink stains on Azriel’s hands, how many letters has he sent you?”    

               “Yeah right.” You rolled your eyes, looking around for any hint of him. “Azriel didn’t send me any letters, he didn’t even say goodbye Mor.”

               “What, really?” Mor asked, and you two started walking to your old room. “That surprises me, he hasn’t been the same since you left. “

               “Well, I thought we were friends, but now I realize that’s not the case.” You huffed, Mor opened the door to your bedroom, and the familiar sight of your bookshelf and made bed made your heart drop to your stomach. You hadn’t realized how much you had missed this place. “You’re my friend, but he is definitely not.”

               “Maybe just ask him?” Mors voice ended on a higher pitch, sounding more like a question than a demand. “I don’t’ know, that just doesn’t sound like the Azriel I’ve been watching mope around.”              

               “I’m okay, really. You don’t need to worry about me.” You comforted, placing your stuff on your bed and laying back on it, staring at the stars drawn on the ceiling by Feyre.

               “Starfall is in a few hours, I’ll let you get settled in, but you have to come hang out with me today.” Mor scolded, and you nodded. The door quietly shut, and you were left alone. You sat up, leaning back on your hands as you stared around your old room.

               You had so many memories in the room, memories with him. You two had spent so much time together over the years, from drunk nights to pillow fights, to reading sessions in the small library. Azriel was unlike any other male, he was strong but also vulnerable. He knew how to take care of you but also knew when to let you take care of yourself. The friendship eventually turned into a crush, and then…well, things fell apart.

               Pillow fights turned into real arguments, drunk nights were spent by yourself, and reading did not feel the same without him next to you. Then you decided that you had let your feelings go too far, and you went to the day court.

               That day was full of tears, you hugged Mor and Cassian, and even Amren accepted a small hug, much shorter than the others. But as your teary eyes looked around, they found Rhysand and an emptiness you couldn’t describe. You had even stayed late, just hoping that Azriel would come and say bye, and some twisted part of you imagined that he would even ask you not to go.

               That didn’t happen, and the night ended with you arriving to the bright and sunny day court, with the feeling of heartbreak in your chest and tears in your eyes. That’s when you knew, Azriel never felt the same.

*

               You spent the next few hours getting ready for Starfall, putting on a nice dress and doing a light makeup. You were going to drink to your heart’s content, dance until your feet hurt and not think about Azriel at all.

               Mor came and got you shortly after that and led you down to the small balcony where Cassian, Rhysand, Feyre and Amren were waiting. You pretended not to notice the absence of the shadow singer. Lots of hugs were exchanged, and eventually as the sky grew darker, the laughter grew louder and the drunker you became.

               You pressed the glass to your lips, taking another sip of the wine when your eyes fell upon a figure on the other side of the balcony. He looked the same as always, black feathers, dark wings and a dark look in his eye. His shadows surrounded him, causing him to look hazy, or maybe that was the alcohol.

               You rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the pang in your chest as you finished your glass, turning to Mor and holding it out for another pour. Mor obliged you, grinning and you two clinked your glasses. “Come back!” Mor laughed, her hand drunkenly reaching out and touching your cheek. “We all miss you!”

               “I’m doing something important.” You chided her, “I am…I am helping forge an alliance. That’s a big responsibility.”

               “Helion is loyal, and you know it.” Mor pleaded, “you can come back! We can have fun again!”

               “Not yet, I need more time.” You replied, and you were telling the truth as your eyes drifted back over to the Shadowsinger, who was inching closer.

               “Can I steal her for a second?” Azriel asked Mor, nodding his head towards you. Mor nodded, pulling away, but you grabbed her hand and pulled her back.

               “No you may not.” You replied.

               “I need to speak with you.” Azriel insisted, and you could feel Mor trying to pull away. “Please.”

               “Fine.” You huffed, letting her go and handing her your drink. “But let’s make it quick.”

               Azriel led you inside the house, holding open the door. Once you entered, you turned towards him, arms crossed in front of you. “Yes?” You asked expectantly, and his eyebrows rose.

               “Is something wrong?” He asked, looking around. “You seem angry.”

               “It’s because I am angry.” You retorted, “is there something I can help you with or can I leave?”      

               “I-what? Y/N, are you okay? You’re acting different.” Azriel’s eyebrow grew close together, and he took a tentative step towards you. As his arm reached out for you, you took a step back. “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

               “What’s wrong?” You laughed, disbelief coating your voice. “What’s wrong with you?”

               “Nothing! I just wanted to talk to my friend, who I haven’t seen in-“

               “We are not friends.” You growled, your laughter immediately fading away. His eyes narrowed. “You didn’t even come say goodbye to me when I left, I waited for you!”

               “I tried-“

               “I’m not done!” You shouted, turning around and running your hands through your hair. “I waited for you! I delayed my trip by an hour because I thought my FRIEND would want to say goodbye. You know what friends also do? They write letters.”              

               “Y/N please-“

               “Cassian wrote me letters, Mor wrote me letters- hell, even Feyre wrote me letters and she just learned how to write!” You shouted. You turned back to him, glaring at him with all the anger that has been growing since you left. You knew you should stop, you knew this was all because of the alcohol. “And now- now you want to talk, to a ‘friend’. Well, find another one to talk to because that is not me anymore.”

               “You don’t mean that.” Azriel replied, “We are friends, I swear.”

               “I want friends who care about me, you didn’t write me a single letter Az.” You growled, walking past him and ramming your shoulder into his. He moved out of the way, but you knew he wasn’t impacted in the least. “So no, we are not friends.”

               The door slammed and you walked back out on the terrace, but the magic of the night was gone. You grabbed your drink from Mor, taking another sip before the guilt started to settle over you. “Did you let him explain?” Mor asked, turning towards you. Once she saw the tears streaming down your face and your shaking hands, she took the glass and set it down and pulled you into a hug.

               “I told him we aren’t friends anymore.” You whispered, not even having the strength to wrap your arms around her. You had way too much to drink. “I..he broke my heart Mor, I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again.”          

               She pulled away from you, a frown on her face as she evaluated you. She wiped tears from your cheeks. “I need to go say sorry.” You whispered, turning towards the glass door, but Azriel was gone.

               “Just give him some space and talk to him tomorrow.” Mor rubbed your back, and you nodded. “I think…I think I’m going to head up.”

               Mor nodded, patting your back. “You’re going to miss it if you go now.”

               “I’ll see it from my window.” You whispered, trecking into the house and making your way up the stairs. The house was quiet, and you made your way to Azriel’s door, hesitating before knocking on it.

               “Azriel?” You whispered, and after a moment you knocked again, no answer. You turned the knob, surprised when it opened easily, allowing you access into his room. You took a step, the whole room smelled like him. He had a large bed in the center of the room, large enough to encompass him and his large wings, and his windows were covered by a black curtain.

               You walked over to his desk, fingers trailing over the chair, and your eyes caught on a box. That box was definitely not here the last time you were in his room. You could see a piece of parchment sticking out of the side, and you looked around as you nosily pulled it free of its confinement.  

               You started to skim the words, immediately freezing as you stared at the smudged ink on the page. Your name, written in neat letters. Your eyes quickly skimmed the letter, the sound of your heart pounding filling your ears.

               ‘Y/n, I’ve spent all my nights and all my days thinking about what to write to you, but none of the words come out right. My whole world is quieter and so much sadder since you’ve left, I hope you can forgive me.”

You opened the box, seeing multiple crumpled up letters. You grabbed another one, skimming it.

               ‘I was coward for letting you leave with no fight, please- come home.’

And another,

               ‘I hope you are enjoying the Day Court, I know you will love it there. If you would ever like a visit, I’m sure I could arrange to see you, or if you would prefer Mor I know she would happy to oblige. I really hope you are happy Y/N.”

               “What are you doing?” Azriel’s voice sounded, and your head whipped to the door frame. “Why are you going through my things?”

               “I’m not-“You stuttered, and he walked over, ripping the letters from your hand and throwing it back in the box. You cringed as you heard the sound of crushed paper. “Please- what are those?”

               “Get out.” Azriel’s voice was monotone, and he didn’t look at you.            

               “Did you..are those from you?” You whispered, and he ignored you. You walked over, grabbing his arm. “Az, are those letters?”

               “Get out.” Azriel repeated, his face blank. He held the box firmly, and you knew you couldn’t rip it from him if you tried.

               “Why didn’t you come say goodbye to me?” You whispered, squeezing his arm. “Az, please, why didn’t you come say goodbye?”        

               “I didn’t want to.” Azriel retorted, not looking at you. “I didn’t care enough.”

               “That’s not true.” You whispered, “I hope…I hope it nots true. Just tell me.”

You let go of his arm, but he didn’t even look at you.  “I came in to say I’m sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean it, I was just…I was just really mad, okay?”

               He didn’t say anything as you walked through the doorframe. You made you way down the hallway, and then you heard his deep voice.

               “I didn’t come because I knew I wouldn’t be able to let you go.” Azriel’s gruff voice filled the space, you turned around to look at him. He was walking swiftly towards you. “I didn’t come say bye because I knew you really wanted to go, and hell, you deserved to go, and I wasn’t going to stop you.”

               “Az-“

               “I’m not done.” He stopped in front of you, and you took a deep breath. “I regretted as soon as you left, but Rhysand told me to give you space. Then Mor started writing letters and I thought I would send some too, but I couldn’t get any of them right.”

               He grabbed the box from under his arm, opening it and dumping all the letters on the ground. There was at least twenty of them. “I felt so many things, I was happy for you but so angry that you left. I was so sad that you were gone, I would stay up for hours and just look at these blank pieces of parchment and wonder what was wrong with me.”

               “I wish you would have sent one.” You whispered, reaching down and picking up a random one. You read the words, immediately tears came to your eyes.

               ‘Y/N, I cannot express my feelings for you through a letter or even with words. If you feel even a quarter of what I feel for you, then you already know. You must know.’

               “Azriel…”You trailed, you eyes moving from the letter slowly up to his. His eyes had a flicker of hope as your hands shook. “You wrote these?”

               “I did.” He confessed.

               “Why didn’t you send them?” You whispred, picking up another one and reading the heatfelt words. This could not be happening right now. “Azriel-“

               “I didn’t know if you felt the same.” Azriel looked down, and you grabbed his arm gingerly. “I didn’t want to risk scaring you off and you never coming back. I was…I was going to tell you, earlier.”

               “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being mad.” You replied, but he shook his head.

               “You had every right to be, I should have been more straightforward. Which is why I want to be straightforward now.” Azriel straightened, his wings shifting behind him. “Don’t go back, stay here, stay with me.”

               “Az-“ You started, and he shook his head, your indication to be quiet.

               “Stay, don’t go.” He took a deep breath, “I can’t breathe when you’re not here, I can’t sleep, and…and I love you more than I know how to say. Every time you leave, you take a piece of me with you. So just don’t leave.”

               You stared at him, your heart thudding. You nodded, and he gave you a small smile, enveloping your hands in his. “I love you too.”

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Jealousy (Azriel x Reader)

Word count: 3200

Mor and the reader have a plan in place to make Azriel jealous, but it backfires instead.

               You sighed, resting your elbows on the kitchen counter and placing your face into your hands. “Mor- please, don’t start this.”

               “I’m not starting anything, Y/N.” Mor disagreed, stirring the tear in her mug with a spoon. “I think I’m finally ending this pining game that you are putting yourself through.”

               “I don’t pine.” You mumbled, hesitating before peeking through your fingers. Mor rolled her eyes, taking a sip. “Fine, fine. Maybe I do, but can you blame me? He is the perfect male.”

               “I don’t blame you, but I also don’t know what you see in him besides his looks.” Mor teased, reaching out and pulling your hand from your face. “I’m just kidding, and you’re beautiful, Y/N. Any male would be lucky to have you.”

               You gave her a small smile, feeling the blush start from your chest and snake its way to your cheeks. She laughed, grabbing your cheek and giving it a squeeze. “But seriously, my plan is perfect. Watch this.”

               “What do you mean?” You asked, but she gave you a look and leaned back down on the counter, stirring her tea.

               “I just really think you should shoot your shot.” Mor giggled, and Azriel walked into the room, not even looking between the two of you. “Maybe you should do it at Rita’s tonight, you know we always see him there.”

               “Mor-stop!” you blushed harder, slapping her and looking down. Azriel didn’t even stop as he strolled through the room and out the other door. “See I told you, he wouldn’t care.”

               Mor gave you a devious smile, “this plan has multiple parts my dear, planting the seed of jealously is only part one.”

               “I am not wearing this!” You screeched, looking in the mirror. You were wearing one of Mors signature red dresses, but the slit went so far up the leg you couldn’t even wear proper undergarments. “Seriously-no.”   

               “Seriously, yes.” Mor sat on her bed, her own dress on and hair done. “We are going to go out, have a good time, and maybe find you a new male to flirt with.”            

               You stared at yourself in the mirror, feeling ridiculous but also… hot. You turned, looking at yourself over your shoulder as Mor smiled from behind you, leaning back and crossing her long legs. “Are you sure?”   

               “Duh, lets go!” Mor grinned, hopping off the bed and grabbing her clutch and your arm. You tried to keep up with her quick pace, but in your heels that was never going to happen. You nearly fell, but caught yourself just in time for Azriel and Cassian to walk into the hallway.

               Their gazes landed on you, Cassians eyes grew wide and both males physically stopped in their tracks.  “Boys- don’t wait up for us, the adults are going out.”

               “Y/n!” Cassian whistled, causing you to turn a deep scarlet. “Have fun out there, where are you going?”

               “None of your business, this is a girls only event.” Mor teased, grabbing you and pushing past the two large males. Azriel’s eyes locked on yours for only a second before glancing away, no expression on his face. “But if you need to know- we’re going to Ritas!”

               You two arrived at Rita’s not too long after, grabbing a drink and sitting in a booth. You watched everyone dance around you, you never really did this with Mor, you were more of a reader, not a dancer. You sipped your drink, your eyes darting around nervously. “Soooo…is this a part of your plan too?”

               Mor sipped from her drink, finishing it off and setting it down. “Come on, lets dance!”

               “I don’t dance.” You argued, regretting leaving the house. This was so silly, this was not your scene.

               “Look who just showed up.” Mor grinned at you, raising an eyebrow. You turned, watching the dark figure walk in through the door. You were surprised, Azriel was here without being forced? That was a first. You smiled, going to wave at him but then realizing that he… someone was grabbing his arm, pulling him away and towards the bar. Not just someone, a beautiful fae with long blonde hair and a huge smile.

               Your heart fell into the pit of your stomach as you watched Azriel give her a small smile back, not pushing her away but instead following her to the bar. Your smile fell and you could feel a wave of nausea flowing through you. “Mor, he’s with someone.”

               She frowned, eyes squinting at the pair at the bar. She quickly picked up her drink and put the straw to your lips. “Take a drink and lets get your mind off him. He’ll be out of here before we know it.”

               You nodded, numbly grabbing the straw and sipping the rest of your drink and setting it down on the table. You followed Mor out to the dance floor, and after a few minutes of awkward swaying, you could feel the alcohol kick in and your nerves give way.

               “See, aren’t you having fun?” Mor laughed over the loud music and crowd, grabbing your hand and giving you a twirl. You spun easily, laughing as you felt the dizziness wash over you. You grabbed the clip from your hair, shaking out the loose waves that you had done before.

               “I think I am having fun actually.” You smiled at her, twirling her back. “Let’s get another drink!”

               You two made your way over to the bar, and you gave a big smile to the bartender as he poured you another drink. He slid it across the bar, leaning over and placing his hand on yours. “You come around here often?”

               “No, I definitely do not.” You laughed, not pulling your hand away and instead brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. “What about you?”       

               “I do work here, so I would say so.” He retorted, a smirk on his face. You looked down in embarrassment, but his warm finger reached under your chin, forcing you to look up into his brown eyes. “What’s your name?”

               “Isn’t that a little personal?” You teased him, pushing his hand away playfully and grabbing your drink. You took a sip, looking up at him through your lashes. As you did so, your eyes drifted to the left, where you spotted Azriel and the girl sitting next to him.

               Azriel’s hands were clenched at the bar, his drink untouched. The girl next to him was still talking, but Azriel gave no inclination he was listening, his eyes boring into yours. Dark, dazzling, angry. “It’s just your name, doll.” The bartender stepped into your view of Azriel, giving you another dazzling smile. You physically had to shake your head, trying to get the thought of Azriel out of your mind. You were here to get over him!

               “Y/N.” You smiled, “I’m going to go dance, but I’ll be back.”

               “You better be.” The male winked at you, making you smile again as you found Mor again on the dance floor.

               You danced your heart out with Mor, swinging your hair around until you were covered in a light sheen of sweat. You laughed so hard your abs hurt, but your heart still felt a pang every time you saw her sitting at the bar with Az.

               Eventually the night came to an end, and you walked up the bar, Azriel and the girl had both left, you wonder if you would see her at home. The thought made you sick to your stomach. “It was nice meeting you.” You smiled at the male; he smiled back as you sat in one of the stools. He took a rag and was cleaning the inside of a glass when you spoke again. “I…I think you’re very attractive, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think I am ready for any type of relationship, even one for the night.”

               He looked at you, nodding in understanding as he placed one glass down and picked up another. “I admire your honesty.” He answered, “I don’t know if I’m in the right place either for that type of relationship, Mor got me this job to help me move on from my past life…including my ex. I’ve been trying to do things the right way.”

               You nodded, and he sighed, looking around. “Speaking of her- where is she?”

               “I think she left.” You replied, “She was talking to someone, and I think I saw them walk out only a few minutes ago.”           

               “Figures.” He snorted, placing down the last glass and looking around. “I can’t let you go home alone, grab your coat, I’ll Walk you.”

               “I’m really fine.” You laughed, grabbing your coat and putting it on. “I can defend myself pretty alright.”

               “Oh I’m sure.” The male chucked, grabbing his coat from under the bar and shrugging it on. “I’ve heard the stories about you, I heard a rumor that you once killed someone with just one finger.”

               You laughed out loud, bending over to contain to hold your stomach. He turned off the light, chuckling to himself as you both made your way to the door. “I totally did not do that.”

     ��         “I don’t know- It did sound like a pretty convincing rumor.” He teased, you were met with the cold blast of air outside and the earliest signs of dawn in the sky. You heard the door lock, and he turned back to look at you. “I heard one minute the guy was standing, and the next, you were standing over him, finger in the air.”

               “Oh shush!” You pushed him, laughing again. “What finger was it? I need to know.”

               “That’s the best part.” He grinned down at you. He leaned down towards you, his lips coming close to your ear. “Your pinky.”

               You pushed him away, smiling and blushing. “No way!” you pushed your hair back from your face again, a grin on your face as you looked up at the male. In the light, you could see his sharp cheekbones and pointed ears, and the boyish blonde hair that was neatly combed on his head. “Thank you, for tonight. The drinks were great, and I had a lot of fun.”

               “I can seriously walk you home.” He offered, pointing in either direction. “What way are you?”

               “Seriously- I can do it.”  

               “I can’t let you walk home alone.” He wrapped his arm around your shoulder, “now are we going left or right?”

               “That won’t be necessary.” A gruff voice replied, you jumped, turning and watching Azriel come out the alleyway.

               The male immediately took three steps back from you, looking between you and the shadowsinger. “Got it, I’ll…I’ll see you next time, Y/N?”

               “Of course.” You smiled at him, giving the male a small wave as he quickly walked down the alley. Once he was out of eyesight, your eyes turned to glare at Azriel. “What was that for?”

               “You said no, he didn’t respect that.” Azriel said flatly, “Let’s go home.”

               “I don’t need to be walked home!” You angrily stomped, arms flying to your chest in annoyance. “And why did you have to be so mean? He was nice and just wanted to make sure I got home safe!”

               “I can make sure you get home safe, Y/N.” Azriel rolled his eyes, his shadows moving around his frame. His wings were tall and spread, blocking the view of the alley behind him. “And, let’s be honest Y/N, you would be protecting him more than him protecting you. That male was useless.”

               “Us-Useless?” You raised your eyebrows, “Okay Mr. Judgemental, thank you for your opinion that I did not ask for. He was fine, he was great actually, thank you.”

               “Oh really?” Azriel’s eyebrow rose, “You met him while he was bartending at Ritas, what do you know about him that makes him great?”

               “He makes good drinks!” You shouted, angrily balling up your fists and bringing them to your side. “And…And he was nice! And honest!”

               “Oh honest hm?” Azriel rolled his eyes again. “let’s go home Y/N.”

               “I’m not walking home with you.” You seethed, trying to walk past him but he held out his arm. “Get out of my way.”

               “He wasn’t the type of male you want, Y/N.” Azriel moved, stepping in front of you and looking down. “His family has a history of being abusive towards females, you could do better.”

               You froze, eyes narrowing as you looked up at him. “How would you know that? And how is that any of your business?”

               “I make it my business to know the males that you make company with.” Azriel’s eyes grew darker, and he moved out of your way. “Let’s go home.”

               “What type of male should I look for then?” You countered, crossing your arms again and leaning, one hip out. You could feel the cold air on the slit on your dress, but maybe it was your anger, but you didn’t care. “Tell me, what kind of male should I look for?”

               “Not someone like him!” Azriel’s hand flew in the direction that the other male had walked off, “You need someone who can protect you at the very least!”

               “Oh protect me?” You laughed, you started to walk past him, slightly pushing him. “Get a hold of yourself, I can protect myself just fine.”

               “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should have to!” Azriel countered, grabbing your arm and pulling you back to look at him. “You need someone that has your back, someone that will always take your side.”

               “or maybe I need someone nice.” You replied, trying to rip your grasp from him. “Nice and honest.”

               “You don’t want nice, you don’t care about nice.” Azriel’s eye darkened, you could feel his shadows moving around his arms.

               “Tell me what I need then.” You ripped your arm away from him. “Since you seem to know it all, just spit it out already.”

               “You need someone that will fight for you, someone that would wait for you, someone that would kill for you or do anything you wished. Someone who would fly across the the fucking courts just to be able to see you.” Azriel seemed out of breath, his eyes boring into yours with intensity.

               You stared back at him, eyes narrowing and a frown forming on your lips. You thought of the girl he was with, at the bar, and felt your heart drop back into your stomach. “So you’re saying I need someone like Cassian?”

               Azriel’s eyes went wide, and he backed up a few steps, running his hands through his hair. “Do you…do you feel for Cassian like that?”

               “Of course not!” You shouted, crossing your arms. “I just have no idea who else you could be referring to-“

               “Me!” Azriel shouted, pointing towards himself. “I am referring to me!”

               “You don’t mean that.” You whispered, your hands started to shake slightly.

               “I do mean that.” Azriel replied, his scarred hands coming back to his sides as he stared at you. “I had a hard enough time watching you with that useless male, please do not make me watch you and Cassian.”

               You stared at him, a million thoughts racing through your head at once. There was no way, Azriel..Azriel was with that girl.         “Who were you with tonight?” You placed your hand on your hip, trying to ease the shake. “You two seemed awfully close.”

               “I don’t even know who she was.” Azriel rolled his eyes, “I was outside Rita’s for nearly an hour before she grabbed my arm and told me that she was a friend of Mors and brought me inside.”

               “Why did you go to Ritas?” You countered, and he looked around, shrugging almost like he was embarrassed.

               “I…fuck Y/N.” Azriel grabbed the bridge of his nose again, “Mor had told you to shoot your shot, then you’re putting on this scrap of fabric and telling everyone you’re going to Rita’s, of course I’m going to go.”

               You stared at him, the sun was beginning to rise behind him, casting him in a glow. “You… you were jealous?”

               “Yes, I was jealous.” Azriel growled, “I wanted to rip that males hands off when he touched you.” Your heart pounded in your chest as Azriel glared at you, he still seemed angry. “When you first came out here, I thought you were going to go home with him. I think I might have actually killed him.”

“I was jealous too.” You admitted, slowly walking the few steps over to him so you could look up at him. “When I saw you with that that girl… and she was touching you, and she was so beautiful, I thought I would be sick.”

               His eyes shone with honesty and a bit of emotion that you had never seen from him before, vulnerability. “I don’t think I looked at her.” He whispered, his hand slowly moving to tuck the piece of hair that fell in front of your ear. “I just spent the whole night wishing I could dance with you like Mor was, or flirting with you as easily as that male was.”

               You grabbed his hand, feeling his calloused one under your own. “I don’t ever want to feel that way again Az.” You whispered, and he nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted another male, I compare- I compare them all to you.”

               “As do I.” He replied, leaning his head down slowly. You could feel the words he spoke on your lips, “You were the only one made for me.”

               His lips met yours, slowly and deliberately, and you didn’t pull away from the kiss until you needed to get some air. Your heart was hammering in your chest, and you couldn’t help the blush that spread from your neck to your face.

               “I’ve been waiting for you to blush like that for me.” Azriel teased, using a thumb and stroking your face. “Now, let me walk you home.”

               While you and Azriel spent the day making up for lost time, Mor got out of the house and went back to Ritas. She smiled at her old friend Jason, who placed a water in front of her and smiled back.

               “That little plan of yours almost got me killed, you know.” Jason grabbed a towel, cleaning a glass as he normally did when making conversation. “Who was the girl you had come in with Azriel?”

               “Someone else who owed me a favor.” Mor smiled, sipping on her drink.

               “Well…did the plan work?” Jason asked, setting the cup down.   

               “Unfortunately, I think it worked too well.” Mor scrunched up her face in disgust. “They were at it all night long.”

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Too Late (Azriel x Reader) Part 3

Part 1 , Part 2

Azriel and Y/N finally talk, and she realizes that maybe the feelings weren't one sided after all these years. Is it too late?

               You tried to grow used to the life at the house of wind, but you could feel the awkward silence fill up every room you entered. Feyre was friendly, but you could tell she didn’t agree with what you had done. You spent a lot of time with Cassian, who was the only one who would really talk to you, Azriel hadn’t spoken to you since that night.

               “Hey Cas,” You peered up at him, you both stretching on the mats outside. “Could you…” You weren’t sure how to form the question, “Where is it?”

               He froze; his face unreadable. You tried to use your gift, to see what he was feeling, but you couldn’t seem to reach him.  

               “I think it will help me.” You whisper, “I want to help you, I want to be this secret weapon you need me to be but I can’t without any power, you must see that.”

               Cassian nodded, moving one arm across his chest as he stretched. “It’s by the river, I can fly you down there but…I don’t have good memories, I don’t want to stay.”

               You nodded, leaning back on your hands and staring at the bright sky, sun causing you to squint.

               “I’m sorry about Azriel.” Cassian started, and as you went to reply he held his hand up to stop you. “Azriel- I shouldn’t tell you this but I feel like you should know. Azriel went crazy when you died, or didn’t die, or whatever.”

               You held your breath as he spoke, feeling the guilt rise in your chest. “When we found him after the battle, he was covered in blood. I think he had gone through every body in that field looking for you, he was…it was horrible.” Cassian sighed, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms loosely around them. “He stayed for days, he didn’t sleep, he didn’t eat, we had to drug him to get him to leave, and he almost killed us when he woke up.”

               “I’m so sorry.” You whispered, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “I wanted to come back, but…I was useless. I had grown too attached to Azriel- and when…I tried to tell him how I felt and he made it very obvious he did not feel the same way. Then that on top of me losing my powers, I just didn’t see a point.”         

               “What do you mean?” Cassian asked, and you sighed.

               “Before the battle, I tried to tell him that….that I loved him, but I wasn’t brave enough. Before I lost my gift I could feel emotion and I could feel nothing from him, just my own.”

               Cassian nodded slowly, looking around the empty training yard. “I’m sorry about yelling at you, by the way.” You squeezed his hand again and he gave you a sad smile.

               He nodded, “It’s okay.”

               He dropped you off by the river, pointing in the general direction of where your destination was. You walked, admiring the rush of water with the mountains surrounding you. You trecked along the cobblestone until you found a narrow path, following it until you came up to a stone secured into the ground.

               You squatted down, examining it closely, tracing the carved words in the stone.

‘Beloved Y/N

The light in the darkness,

I will carry you with me, always,

My heart will never let you go

Until the stars call me home’

               You gazed at the words, the emotions in your chase rising like a wave, impossible to control. You slowly sat on the ground, your eyes falling to the flowers beside you, placed there only days ago. Your eyes drifted to the view of the city and the river flowing through it, the stones from the bridge reflecting the sunlight in almost a blinding twinkle.

               You couldn’t help the thoughts of what life could have been- if you had told Azriel the truth, if you hadn’t run away, or even if you had died. The version of you that died deserved this headstone, deserved the beautiful words and beautiful flowers, but the person you had become- the one sitting here- didn’t deserve it.

               You sat in silence, the only sounds the occasional pattering of footsteps or the splash of a fish jumping from the water.

               “Every starfall, I only had one wish.” Azriel’s voice cut through the silence, and your head whipped behind you to see him standing, hands in his pockets. He made a motion with his hands, like a falling star. “Every year, I had the same wish. I would stand outside and look up at those stars and just wish so hard.”

               “What would you wish for?” You whispered, and Azriel turned to look at you, his eyes almost gentle.

               “Can I sit?” He asked, and you nodded, scooting over. “How do you like it?”

               He nodded towards the grave, and you gave him a tight smile, looking back over the light gray stone. “Honestly, it’s beautiful and more than I deserve.” You waited a couple seconds, “Az, I’m…I’m  so sorry.”

               “I didn’t understand at first.” Azriel whispered, looking out at the river. “The first thing I felt when I saw you- of course it was relief, but then it was betrayal. I couldn’t believe that you would put me through all of that.”         

               “I- I didn’t really think it would be that hard.” You whispered, pulling your legs up to your chest. “It was war.”              

               “It wasn’t just a war, we weren’t just part of the war.” Azriel turned towards you, and for the first time, his eyes weren’t guarded. “And I was so mad, when I saw you, the anger I felt is like something I have never felt before.”

               “Then once I was finished yelling at you, I came out here.” Azriel sighed, “After sitting here for a couple hours, I thought about blasting this thing to the ground, to be honest. But, I realized, the reason I was so upset when I thought you were gone-“

               Azriel stopped, looking away. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest. He looked at you, the pain of loss still fresh on his face despite the decades that had passed.

               “The reason…The reason I was so upset was because I was never brave enough to tell you how I felt, hell, I never even got to say goodbye.” Azriel pulled his arm away to run through his hair again, and you moved your hand back to your knee. “I had the perfect opportunity, we were both there, but….I didn’t know if someone like you could ever love someone like me.”

               Your heart froze and possibly skipped a beat as you processed his words, you stared at the river and felt the relief flow through you. “I know it’s been decades, but…I still thought about you every day, I thought the pain of losing you would kill me.”

               “You…loved me?” You whispered, turning to him. His face, for the first time, was free of his grim expression and his eyes shone with vulnerability.

               “I’m not going to make the mistake of not telling you how I feel a second time, Y/N.” Azriel whispered, “I spent 140 Starfalls wishing I could just tell you that.”

               Tears filled your eyes as you stared forward, memories coming back to you in a rush. The way Azriel ran to you in the war, the words on his lips, ‘I love you’. The pain in your chest that never went away, that was him, that was his pain.

               “Azriel-“You choked, turning towards him and wrapping your arms around him. He took a moment to return to hug, but quickly wrapped his arms around you, breathing in deeply.  The pain was finally gone, free from your chest, and you let out a short laugh.

               He pulled back, unsure. “Before the battle started, I wanted to tell you that I loved you, but I wasn’t brave enough.” You cried, laughing at your own stupidity. “I thought you couldn’t feel anything because I couldn’t feel anything from you!”

               “How could you think that?” Azriel grabbed your face in between his hands, the rough skin gently touching your cheeks. “Y/N- you can read emotions; I assumed that you were reading mine and choosing not to reciprocate.”

               You cried harder, pulling him back into a hug. “I thought those were my emotions; I thought my powers were gone when you were nearby. Azriel- I was so in love with you, I am so in love with you.”

               You realized, that every time you felt the overwhelming and all consumer feeling of love for Azriel, it wasn’t just your love for Azriel, but his love in return. All the pain, the constant ache in your chest, that was yours to share over the years as well. Your powers were never gone- they were just so connected to Azriel that it overpowered everything else.

               “You are the light in my darkness.” Azriel whispered, pulling a piece of hair from your face and tucking it behind your ear. “I will carry you with me, always, because my heart will not let you go.” He pulled your hand to his chest, so you could feel the thuds underneath.

               “Until the stars call me home.” You whispered the final line. He leaned in, his mouth brushing yours tenderly. As you felt his lips on yours, his warm breath on your bottom lip, you pressed into him harder, placing your hand on the nape of his neck and trying to pull him closer to you.

               He pressed into you, lifting you easily and placing you on your back in the grass. You gasped, laughing as you looked up at him. A true smile found his face as he stared at you, and he pressed one hand to your cheek. “I am never letting you go again.”

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Too Late (Azriel x reader) (Part 2)

Part One , Part Three

Summary: The war is over, and Y/N has been presumed dead for over a hundred years, but she finds herself having to leave her quiet life across the border and come back to the place where it all started. Turns out, Azriel took her death a little harder than she thought.

It had been years since you woke up. Your first memory when you woke up was the pain in your chest then the pain in your abdomen. The pain in your torso healed over time, but the pain in your chest was a constant ache. You had tried reaching out, to feel the emotions of those around you, but could no longer feel anything. You had seemingly lost what little power you had, the only power that made you useful to the night court.

So you ran, shame encapsulating your being. You ran to the human lands, being able to summon what little power you possessed to live a quiet simple life, even across the border, you felt the pain in your chest lessen over time. But the tears still came, night after night, or whenever a shadow would creep by, or you would see pair of wings, all you would be able to see is the bright blue eyes of the male you loved who did not love you in return.

As the years passed, you found yourself growing fond of humans and their ways, you healed them, help protect their young, taught them to farm and even how to make some basic herbal remedies. But even as the years went by, you still dreamt of those blue eyes and shadows. Whenever you cried, you thought about the night where Azriel held you tight and whispered reassurances in your ear, but those days were long gone.

Decades passed, then a century, and it felt like life was just passing you by. The humans you had helped grew old, and then their children would replace them, and their children after that.  It was an exceptionally lonely life.

The fire roared as you sat in your chair, rocking gently as you hummed the same tune Azriel had hummed to you all those years ago. He had never left your mind, and you weren’t sure he ever would. You wove the yarn between your smooth fingers, creating another blanket for a young babe about to enter the world.

You heard a shuffle outside and immediately grew quiet, setting down your yarn and reaching for the dagger strapped to your leg. It wouldn’t be the first time someone attempted to steal from you, but you would teach these humans the same lesson you had taught the last. The door slowly opened, and a large dark figure filled the frame, wings ducking to fit in the door frame.

The dagger left your hand before you could think, landing inches away from the faes pointed ear and into the door jamb. The male snapped his head towards you, pulling out his dagger in return. You gasped in realization, tripping backwards and catching your balance on the stone wall behind you.

Cassian stood before you, his face serious but hair longer, with strands falling over his shoulders. His body was visibly more muscular, and even from a quick glance you could tell that he had more scars than the last time you had seen him. You raised your hand to your chest, unsure of the emotions you were feeling, relief that he was okay.

“Cassian, you’re okay?” You whispered, tears filling your eyes as you stood in place. Cassian stared at you, his eyes guarded.

“What are you?” Cassian growled, raising his sword in your direction.

“I’m-what?” You asked, voice choking. “Cassian- it’s me, it’s Y/N.”

               “Y/N died,” His voice steady, his arm was steady too.

               “Cassian- please.” You lifted your arms, your hands shaking. “I don’t know what I can do to make you trust that it’s me.”

               “There is nothing that you can-“ Cassian’s eye caught a painting on the wall, and you followed his gaze. Dark shadows consumed the portrait, letting in glimpses of light, you had used a mixture of charcoal and wisps of blue, but the most striking feature was the eyes you could faintly see through the shadows, his eyes, they stood out like pools of light cutting through the dark. It was his same guarded expression you saw before you fell asleep.

               “That’s Az.” Cassian whispered, and you nodded.

               “Is he alright?” You could feel the panic rise in your veins, “Please- if he’s not alright you must tell me.”

               “He’s fine.” Cassian stared at you, his eyes shifting from the top of your head to your feet. “I am – I am so glad you’re okay.”

               His warm arms engulfed you, and you could feel yourself melt into his arms. You two had fought on the front lines before you were sent away to Azriel. You felt the tears start and pulled away.

               “Why are you here Cas?” You whispered, pointing at a chair near the fire and sitting in your own. “not that I mind, I’m so happy to see you.”

               “The bone carver told us…he told me to come here and I would find what we needed most.” Cassian said, still staring at you in amazement. “What happened out there? We all thought you were dead, it’s been over a century.”

               “I got stabbed.” You recalled, looking back towards the fire, the carnage coming back to you in a vivid memory. The memory of Azriels indifference, but then him running towards you as the sword plunged through you. “Then…I woke up, in the summer court. Someone had seen me fall and grabbed me, I lost my gift.” You teared up again, “I haven’t been able to feel anything since I left that battlefield, and the high lord had told me that gift was the only use I was to him. I knew…I knew that if I came back without it there would be no point in coming back at all.”

               “Rhysand is high lord now; you can come home.” Cassian reached over, grabbing your hand.

               “I can’t show my face.” Tears streamed down yours.

               “The bone carver said our secret weapon would be here; that’s obviously you.” Cassian pleaded, “We need you, Rhysand, Az, me, we need you.”

               Your throat bobbed as you looked around the life you had built for yourself, and you slowly nodded. “Okay.”

               The trek back was cold and windy, and Cassian carried you in his arms, looking at you every once in a while and shaking his head in disbelief. “I just can’t believe you’re alive.”

               “I’m lucky to be.” You whispered, watching the scenery go by. You could feel the difference when you passed the border, mostly by the change of the feeling around you. You felt like you could breath, but the pain in your chest grew into a dull ache. “How is everyone?”

               “As good as they can be.” Cassian replied, the thud of his wings matching the beats of your heart. “Rhysand found his mate, Feyre.” Cassian explained to you what the past few years had done to them as a group, and you felt your heart tug. You had been away for so long, and they had all suffered. “Azriel is doing…well, he’s Azriel. Very broody, over dramatic, the usual.”

               You laughed, remembering the broody Azriel that you fell In love with. You froze, you were about to see Azriel. “Do you think he’ll hate me?” You whispered, Cassian pondered this question, the longer he took to answer, the more nervous you became.

               “I don’t know.”

               Rhysand was waiting in the foyer when you arrived, Cassian had already let him know the news ahead of time. He hugged you, squeezing you and spinning you around. Relief filled your veins as you looked him up and down, realizing that he was okay and happy, the aura of finding his mate surrounding him.

               “Rhys, I’m telling you, I’m not your secret weapon.” You grabbed his arm, pleading for him to understand. “I lost my abilities, I lost it all when in the war, I can’t help. I can’t even fight anymore.”

               You felt Rhysand walk straight into your mind, your mental shields falling easily due to lack of practice. He walked around the emptiness, ‘you are not worthless, Y/N’ Rhysand seemed to echo, you shook your head. You looked around the cozy house, books lined the small table in the room and a fire was lit.  

               He led you around the “House of Wind”, showing you where everyone slept, the kitchen, and living area. He brought you to the end of a hall, opening a door and showing you a dark bedroom, shadowed by the curtains hanging over the sole window.

               “This is your room, as long as you choose to stay.” He smiled gently, a hand on your back leading you into the room. “I wasn’t sure how to decorate, it’s been a while since… since I’ve seen you.”

               “Dinner will be in a couple hours, if you don’t feel like joining us, I would be happy to have the house give you your food here.” Rhys offered, you sat on the bed, feeling the linen underneath your fingers.

               “Will…Will Azriel be there?”

               “Most likely.” Rhysand sat down next to you, “I’m…I’m not sure how he will take this, he was worse off than the rest of us. “

               “Why?” You voice came out in a whisper, then you coughed. “Nevermind, I don’t want to know.”

               The day passed, you took up the seat next to the window, watching the sun slowly set behind the mountain and the stars light up the sky. Velaris was…beautiful, even more so than Rhys had described. The city was bathed in a golden light from the stars, you could see the reflections of the stars on the streets below, the streets made of glass and stone. Your stomach growled, reminding you that you hadn’t eaten today.

               You opened the door, hearing raised voices and laughter from down the hall. You slowly shut the door behind you, back turned as you made sure it clicked shut. What would you say? How would he react?

               “How did you get in here?” A low voice asked, sending a cold chill up your spine. You stared at the door, wishing you could somehow go back in time and not come out here. You slowly turned your head, peaking through the curtain of your hair.

               His form was surrounded by shadows, and he held daggers in each of his hands. You met his eyes, the same piercing blue ones that you looked at every day, you felt the tug in your chest and felt something lodge in your throat.

               His voice was low, dangerously low. “How did you get in here?” He snapped, lifting his dagger as if to throw it.

               You lifted your hands, which were shaking so bad you couldn’t hold them up straight. “Please, Azriel, I can explain.” The two daggers left his hands, pinning your shirt to the door over both of your shoulders. He walked over, his steps slow and his eyes narrowing. The pain in your chest grew to a roar, and tears filled your eyes, the panic growing within you.

��              He lifted a hand, brushing the hair from your face, and then it hit him. His breath caught, and so many emotions flowed through you that you nearly dropped to the floor, after not feeling anything for so long, this was too much. Then, you felt the anger. Your head slammed against the door, leaving you face to face with Azriel as he pushed against your chest.

               “What are you?” Azriel growled, pulling out another knife and holding it to your neck. “Damn, you almost had me fooled. You look just like her.”

               “Az! “ Cas shouted from the other end of the hallway, afraid to make any sudden movements.

               “What is this thing?” Azriel looked at him, his large hand still pressed against your ribcage.

               “it’s really her.” Cas held up his hands in mock surrender, his wings behind him as he slowly walked to Azriel. “It’s…trust me, I found her.”        

               Azriel looked back to you, his eyes scanning every inch of you, from the top of your head to the shoes that you wore. A flicker of hesitation passed before, in one swift motion, he grabbed the fabric at the bottom of your shirt and tore it, exposing your torso. Under the fabric and now exposed was your scar, white and ragged on your skin. 

               Azriels breath caught, his posture stiffening as his gaze move from his scars to you. His eyes were more guarded than you had ever seen them, but the pain in your chest didn’t relent. “Az-“ you began, trying to grasp his arm.

               “Why are you back here? Why now?” Azriel pulled his daggers from your shirt aggressively, you could feel the anger radiating from him, raw and bitter. “It’s only been, what, a HUNDRED YEARS?” His daggers flew from his hands into the wall on the other end of the hallway.

               “Azriel please-“ You begged, tears brimming. “I”

               “I LOST you, Y/N!” Azriel shouted, his hands in fist and shadows swarming around his figure. “One minute you were there, the next, gone! I searched for days! Do you know how many bodies I turned hoping to find you but also knowing that I couldn’t bear it if I did?”

               “I’m sorry!” You shouted, walking towards him as he backed up. “if I could go back and change it, I would-“

               “I don’t want to hear it, Y/N.” Azriel’s voice was stone cold, his chest heaved. Every part of him was anger, you could feel it like you were sitting next to an open flame. “I mourned you. I searched for you, I even made you a grave.” He growled, running his hands through his hair.

               “Just listen to me!” You shouted, “Just take a minute and listen to me talk, let me explain.”

               Azriel met your gaze and shook his head. “You don’t get to disappear and show up like nothing happened.” He snapped, walking to the wall and yanking his daggers out. “You don’t get to put me, us, through that. You don’t get to ‘explain’”

               “Please.” You begged, trying one last to grab his arm as he walked by. He pulled his arm back, like your touch was poison. The pain and hurt that filled you made it hard to breathe as you watched him walk out of the hallway, then heard a door slam. You slowly slid down the door to your bedroom, head in your hands as you cried. Cassian squatted down to squeeze your shoulder, but you pushed him away.            

               “Get away from me!” You screamed from your throat, and another loud sob left your body. You should never have left, maybe not feeling at all was better than this. You didn’t even notice Cassian leaving as you cried.

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Too Late (Azriel x Reader)

Word Count: 1300ish

Part 2 Part 3

As the final battle approaches, Azriel and Y/N stand on the brink of everything. They both love each other, but fear keeps them from saying goodbye—too scared to confess what could change everything.

Spoilers: I like to think it's angsty, involves death possibly......

You had loved Azriel, deeply and wholeheartedly. His eyes, his laugh, the way the shadows clung to him — everything about him captivated you. You adored both the light and the darkness within him, the good and the bad. The love you felt was fierce and all-consuming, capable of lifting you to moments of pure joy or pulling you into the depths of sorrow. And when you finally realized that you would die for him, you understood just how far you had fallen.

               The war had begun, the first war, although you were just a female- your powers were strong enough- and the generals just desperate enough- to place you on the front lines. You quickly caught the eye of the High Lord of the Night Court, Corban. Although you didn’t have the ability to yield shadows or turn males to mist with just a thought, you had a unique ability of predicting near future events and sensing the emotions of those you were close with.

               That’s where you had met Azriel, the quiet male with a piercing gaze. His shadows kept close to him, and although you hadn’t introduced yourselves, you already knew who he was. “I’m Y/N.” You held out your hand, and he stared at it, eventually watching your hand fall back to your side. “this is the part where you introduce yourself?”

               “Azriel.” He didn’t even look at you, instead looking into the distance. The air was thick with the tang of blood and smoke, the sky was dark overhead. You could hear fighting in the distance, the clang of weapons and shouting.

               “You know Cassian then.” You followed his eyes, and they quickly met yours. “He’s alright, by the way.”

               You could see the sigh of relief that flowed through him. “Rhysand is too.”

               “How would you know?” Azriel’s piercing gaze met yours, causing you to swallow.

               “My gift is unique, I can sense how the people I’m close to feel. Cassian, well I think it would be inappropriate to say, but Rhysand feels…worried, probably for you both.” You looked out at the fallen soldiers. “I can also feel those who are in near proximity, this place is awful.”

               “It’s war.” Azriel gruffly responded but nodded all the same.

               As the days passed and the battle raged on, you and Azriel grew closer during the cold, quiet nights. While Azriel spent most of his time away — either sending his spies to monitor Hybern’s forces or fighting on the front lines himself — your role became to feel the pulse of the war, to sense which way the tides were turning.

               One quiet night, after a horrific battle scene, the sadness and despair of the soldiers clouded your vision and you could feel no hope and no light. Normally, if you were around a small group, you were able to block it out, but the hundreds of soldiers feeling the same sense of dread and despair made it impossible to avoid. The tears slid down your cheeks as you got up, covering yourself in a blanket and heading outside.

               Azriel stood there, outside the tent. His silhouette strong and large against the night sky. He turned, his shadows snaking their way up your legs. “Are you alright?”

               “I can’t do this.” You whispered, standing next to him, staring at the mass partial grave that was because of Hybern- because of this war. “I- I’m feeling too much, I can’t keep them out.”

               “Can you feel Rhysand?” Azriel looked down at you, you closed your eyes, taking a breath and searching. You felt the unique sense of Rhys and nodded. You searched for Cassian and found him as well after a couple of moments.

               You looked up at him, tears in your eyes, and felt the sadness rush back in. “I’m sorry, I’ll go.” You squeezed the blanket around your frame tighter, but he grabbed your hand with his, the first time touching you.

               “You can’t go like this.” Azrie’s voice was a whisper, tension crossing his features as his eyes flickered between yours. His brows furrowed as your lip shook, and his guarded eyes seemed- vulnerable. The large wings that normally stood at attention behind him fell as if they weighed a thousand pounds. “Please- just talk to me, stay with me.”             

You nodded, and with a slow, careful motion, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tightly against his chest. He hummed a tune, short and  repetitive, and you felt yourself let go. The tears fell freely, and you felt a weight in your chest, constricting your heart, but Azriel didn’t let go. You cried for hours, until your tears ran out and your legs couldn’t stand, and Azriel picked you up and walked you back in the tent, setting you down for an fitful sleep.

After that point, you looked at Azriel a little differently. Instead of his gaze coming off sharp and cold, you saw it for what it was, guarded and afraid- afraid of letting people in. You could feel some of his emotions as you grew closer, but most of them were overrode by the death around you or the betrayal of your heart. You could sense that the end of the way was coming near, and you could feel a strange, unsettling feeling coming from Rhysand-it was as if he was planning something.

 You stared off at the vast landscape, taking in what used to be beauty but was now overcome with destruction and death. Azriel was right, this was war, but you knew it was almost over. You entered the tent, body sore and dust littering your arms and legs. Azriel was sat at the table, and gave you a small smile. Relief filled your chest, seeing that he was okay.

               “Azriel.” You hummed, sitting down next to him and grabbing the bottle. “You know we shouldn’t be drinking.” You chided, bringing the bottle up to your lips in a smile. His smile back was small, but his eyes watched your lips. You could feel the tension in the air, could sense every breath he took, every tick of his jaw, every flex of his arm. You could feel the feeling in your chest again, your love for him pounding away in the chambers of your heart.

               Your fingers twitched around the bottle as your smile fell, you stared at his mouth, the curve of his lips, the flex of his jaw, the stubble that covered his sharp cheek bones. Your eyes travelled to his eyes, blue even in the dim light. They weren’t guarded like usual, and you could feel every emotion, you could feel the want, the need, the craving, everything, but you couldn’t tell if it was you or him.

“Azriel.” You whispered, wanting so badly to close the distance. You reached out your hand, brushing his. The jolt that went through you was instant, and he immediately stood up and left the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts, leaving you…embarrassed. You took another swig of the drink, crushing your eyes with the palm of your hand. Shame washed over you in waves, but you tried to brush it off, getting up and putting together a bath.

You knew this was the end, Rhysands plan, whatever it was, was being enacted wherever he was, but the battle raged on before you. You locked eyes with Azriel, wanting nothing more to pour your heart out for him, in case…in case anything happened.

“Az.” You whispered, looking up at him. His eyes were guarded once again, making quick movements across the front lines. “Before we go out there, I need to tell you something, please.”

He turned, but impatience was written across his features. You opened your mouth to speak, but the weight of your words stayed on your tongue as you the thought occurred to you- he didn’t feel the same. Azriel’s expression didn’t change, his lips in a thin line as he looked down at you. You tried to push down the emotions, the love, the anger that he was here, the anger of how you felt, but it felt impossible. So instead of saying the words you were dying to, you nodded your head. “Good luck out there.”

He nodded, and you both turned, the despair in your chest raging. You saw an opening and ran.

You swung your sword, missing the male by mere inches. Sweat coated your body under your black armor. The battled raged on, with male after male dropping after your swords met their mark. Blue eyes met yours from across the field, you could see his mouth moving but no words. A sharp pain ripped through your abdomen, and you gasped, the world becoming slow and soundless as the sword was ripped out.

You fell to your knees, watching as Azriel fought to get to you, across the sea of soldiers, but you knew he wouldn’t make it in time. As he ran, wings wide and swiping easily at everyone in his way, he didn’t trip, didn’t fumble.

But then your view of him was lost as an arrow went through his shoulder and his eyes broke contact with yours as he turned to see who the perpetrator was. All you could feel was regret, the regret that you didn’t tell him you loved him, the regret that you didn’t get a chance to kiss him or hold him like you wished, but the worst was the hollowed-out pain in your chest when you realized you would never look into his eyes again, and you would never know if he actually loved you back.

               You knees didn’t even hit the ground before you felt yourself being lifted in the air, above the trees, then you lost consciousness.

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Concussed (Azriel x Reader)

Cassian accidentally gives you a concussion, his only request is that you give him time to get away before Az gets home.

------

“Your heads not in the game,” Cassian teased, nudging your feet apart as he examined your form. “Come on, what’s on your mind?”

               “Nothing is on my mind.” You mumbled, dropping your fist and turning to him with a pout. “We’ve been out here for hours, can we please be done?”

               It was an unusually hot day, and you and Cassian had stripped down to the bare minimum, and it still wasn’t cool enough. His torso was coated in sweat, and you could see the defined lines of muscle lining his abdomen and arms. You, on the other hand, had only joined the inner circle recently, and you couldn’t see any muscle in your abdomen, hence the vigorous training sessions with Cassian.

               “Do you think Hybern is going to wait until it’s nice and cool outside to attack us?” Cassian asked, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms.

               “I don’t know… maybe?” You shrugged, he shook his head, laughing. “Spar with me one more time.”

               “I always lose!” the grumble left you before you could stop yourself. Cassian laughed again, and you got into position on the mat, and he stood across from you. Past Cassian, you could see the landscape of Velaris, the mountains in the background with the sun high above. Clouds littered the sky but provided almost no shadow.

               Speaking of shadows, you wonder what Azriel had been up to. You hadn’t seen him today, where usually you two spoke before breakfast. Seeing him was one of your favorite parts of the day, whilst he was quiet and refined with everyone else, you made him smile and laugh. Your friendship was full of inside jokes, occasional hugs and a lot of pining for him. You wish you were able to move on, and in an effort to, you told Cassian- but that was a huge mistake.

               Cassian teased both of you, constantly, and you could tell Azriel was embarrassed. You two would be eating breakfast together in the morning, and Cassian would come in and call you two lovebirds, or a nice couple, or even ask if he was interrupting something with a wink. Azriel would always snap some retort back at Cassian, something along the lines of ‘Not us’,  “Not gonna happen”, or, the one that hurt your heart the most, “Not in a million years.”

               Sure, Cassian’s teasing was embarrassing, but you never understood why Azriel felt like he had to shut it down so harshly, Cassian was only joking after all.

               “You’re not focused!” Cassian snapped his fingers in front of you, and your eyes moved quickly from the mountains to him. “Did you hear anything I just said?”

               “Of course I did!” You snap back.

               “Lets see about that.” Cassian replied, his fist came at you in the combination you guys had been working on. You ducked to the right and you heard the whoosh of his hand past your ear. You blocked his right knee with your forearm, turning quickly to throw a punch into his unshielded face.

               Instead of watching your fist land a satisfying blow to his chin, you instead watched as his fist came right towards you and land an unforgiving blow to your right temple. You flew back on the mat, landing in a heap and losing the air in your lungs.

               “Y/N!” Cassian shouted, quickly getting on his knees and standing above you. You saw his shadowed blurried face above yours. After a few moments, you were able to gasp, your lungs finally allowing air in. Cassian’s one face turned into two, then four. “Y/N, are you okay?”

               “I don’t know.” You whispered, you reached up for his face to see if there was really four of him. You cupped his cheek. “Cassian, I am literally seeing like- eight of you right now.”

               “Fuck Y/N!” Cassian groaned, turning his head away and looking around. “I thought you said you heard what I said, I told you that after the first combination, we were skipping the second and doing the third.”

               “I think I lied.” You groaned, your arm falling back down to your side. You reached up to feel your head and could feel that your eye area was swelling already. “The sun is so bright.”

               “I’m going to take you to madja Y/N, but please, do not tell Azriel.”

------

               Hours passed, and Madja diagnosed you with a slight concussion. She was able to give you something for the pain, but the bruising and eventual black eye was unavoidable. Cassian had tucked you into your chair in the library, making sure you had a snack, a couple of books and a tall glass of water within reach. “Cassian- I’m not helpless you know.”  

               “Y/N- trust me, this is the least I can do.” Cassian handed you your book, then moved the table even closer to you. “Is this close enough?”

               “Yes! I’m fine, you guys get punched around all the time, I can handle it.” You tried to raise your eyebrows in a teasing manner but felt a surge of pain through the right side of your face. Cassian’s face fell, “I’m serious, don’t feel bad. It was my fault for not paying attention.”

               “He’s not going to see it that way.” Cassian retorted, and you shook his head.

               “Why are so worried about what Azriel will think?”

               “I just do not want to be anywhere near here when he comes home, speaking of which, I best be on my way.” He leaned down, giving you a light hug before backing up. “Again, I’m sorry, but I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?”

               “Yeah.” You nodded, smiling as he walked from the door. You looked around the now empty room, the fire was roaring in the fireplace, the light leaving shadows against the dark shelves filled with books in varying condition. You nestled into your chair, opening the book and continuing where you left off.

------

               The door opened to the library with a groan, and you smiled to yourself,  noticing the new shadows flowing around you that were  not caused by the fire. “Hey Az.” You hummed, not turning towards him.

               “Hey, how was your day?” His low voice reverberated through the small space, making you smile. He sat in the chair next to you. You were sure he looked handsome, like he does every night, but you didn’t turn your head, instead leaving your hair to frame the ugly bruise.

               “It was uneventful.” You flipped the page, “What about yours?”

               “Just uneventful?” Azriel reached his hand over, grabbing your arm. “What was uneventful?”     

               “Just did a little sparing with…. Cassian.” You hesitated, “It was hot, very hot, and very uneventful.”

               “I feel like you’re not telling me something.” Azriel said, and your felt him get up and go to kneel in front of you. You looked down even further, you probably looked ridiculous. “Why aren’t you looking at me?”

               “No reason Az, my eyes are…tried of looking at stuff.” You cringed at your bad excuse. “I mean- I think its time to get to bed. You walk out first- I’ll be right behind you.”

               Azriel slowly placed his hand on your chin, and gently forced your head up, causing your eyes to meet his. His teasing smile immediately dissolved into concern, then anger. “Y/N!” Azriel’s voice was sharp, but his hands were still gentle as he cradled his face. “What happened?”

               “It wasn’t Cassian’s fault!” You pushed your hair behind your ear, “I was distracted and then his fist just came out of nowhere-“

               Azriel stood up, walking out of the room. You got up to follow, trotting behind him as he went to Cassian’s door. He swung it open, not knocking, and stormed into his empty room. “Where is he?” Azriel growled, turning back to you.

               “Azriel calm down!’ You replied, coming over and grabbing his arm. His shadows dispersed, probably looking for Cassian somewhere in the house. “He left- I don’t know where.”

               “I’m going to kill him.” Azriel looked down at your face, but instead of meeting your eyes he stared at the huge bruise.  

               You understood why Cassian left in this moment, but couldn’t exactly figure out why Azriel was losing his cool. “Azriel please-“

               “Where did he go?”

               “I don’t know! I just said that!” You replied, you turned your head back towards the door and winced, the quick motion causing your head to throb. Azriel’s hand immediately fell to your cheek again. “I’m sorry, it just hurts.”

               “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “lets go back.”

               His hand hovered over your lower back as you walked. “Do you have a concussion?”

               “A slight one, yeah.” You replied, deciding that instead of the library, your room was definitely a better destination.

               “I’m sorry to cut tonight short Az, but I’m really tired.” You looked up at him, opening your door. He nodded, following you in and sitting in the chair next to the bed as you laid down, getting under the covers. As you settled into your pillow, you expected him to move, or leave, but he stayed put. “What are you doing Az?”

               “I’m going to make sure you’re okay.” Azriel stated, leaning back in the chair, his wings awkwardly crunched between him and the wall.

               “Not that I don’t enjoy your company, you know I do, but what?”

               “Concussions are serious Y/N, even if Madja says you’re okay I’m not taking the chance that you’re not, so I’m staying here.”

               “all night?” You retorted, and he nodded.

               “Yep.”

               “Az please, go to bed. You look uncomfortable.”

               “Nope.”

               You glared at him, and he sighed, leaning forward and clasping his scarred hands on his knees. “You want the truth?” You nodded, “I would sit here, all night, and watch you sleep just to make sure you woke up. The fact that Cassian hurt you…. Makes me want to tear him limb from limb, even if he is my brother.”

               “Az-“ You started, leaning up on one arm and taking a good look at him. His eyes bore in to yours, no trace of humor left in them. “You’re serious.”

               “Yes, I’m serious.” He replied, “so don’t ask me to leave again, because I won’t, I physically- I physically can’t leave.”

               “Then at least climb in with me.” You whispered, patting the spot next to you. He froze. “Please, you look uncomfortable.”

               “That’s the concussion talking.” Az mused, and you shook your head.

               “I swear it’s not.” You whispered, earnestly looking at him. “If you were ever hurt, I don’t know what I would do. Do you want the truth?” he nodded, and you sighed. “I didn’t see the punch coming because I was thinking about you, and about…how you would never feel the same way as I do.”

               “And how is that?” Azriel dropped to his knees, coming to the edge of the bed.

               “I…care about you, deeply. I want to spend every day with you, and…” You felt tears prick your eyes and you turned away, your face flushing in embarrassment. “Honestly it really hurts my feelings when you say you could never see us happening, because I’ve always seen us happening.”

               He stared at you, hands falling to his side. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m concussed.” You quickly wiped the tears from your eyes, turning away and plopping on the bed. “Forget I said anything, goodnight, Az.”

               After a few moments, the bed creaked and you felt a warm hand on your shoulder, slightly pulling you. You turned, and Az was above you on his side, staring at the non-bruised side of your face.

               “I have always thought that you would not be able to love me, for the things that I have done.” He whispered, cupping your face. “I never wanted to offend you with the… insinuation that we could ever be a match.”

               “My chest physically hurts when I’m away from you, and my shadows would rather be with you than with me at this point, you are so kind, so beautiful, the thought of us together, the thought of you caring about me, and possibly loving me, just seemed too much like a dream rather than reality.” Tears burned your eyes again as he spoke, “I love you, I’m sorry I ever made you think differently.”

               “I love you too.” You whispered, and he wiped the tear from your cheek. “All those comments Cassian made- it was because I told him how I felt about you, he was just teasing me.”

               Azriel barked a laugh, turning away from you on his back. You looked at him in concern, and he just shook his head. “I had told him about my feelings for you, I thought he was…I thought those comments were aimed at me.”

               You shook your head, laughing as well. “ Az, I won’t stop you if you still want to kill him.”

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Protect You

Word Count: 3200

Azriel has always gone out of his way to keep Y/N out of harms way, but Rhys sends her on a mission anyway.

-------

Azriel and you weren’t exactly on the best of terms, despite the fact that you had been a part of the inner circle for centuries- he rarely spoke to you. At first it really hurt your feelings, was it something you did? But after the years passed you learned that sometimes you can’t change a male’s opinion, no matter how many times you tried.

               It was just another normal day at the house, you and Nessa were occupying chairs across from each other, reading in silence. Although your primary job was writing down Prythian’s true history, you still loved the library and reading all the books the house had to offer. You were never really adept for the front lines, no matter how much training Rhys put you through.

 The library was aglow from the setting sun from the large windows, and you felt the warmth on your face as you read. You could honestly stay like this forever. You and Nessa had a unique friendship- despite her forceful resistance to joining the inner circle and stubbornness to admit that sometimes she was wrong, you two had gotten along well.

               “Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever find a male like the ones we read about.” Nessa sighs, dropping the book in her lap. “They are just so…. In tune to their lovers’ feelings- I’ve personally never witnessed that before.”

               “I’m sure there are some males like that.” You smiled, meeting her dark eyes. The thought of Cassian crossed your mind, and the love for her that he wore openly on his shoulder. “At least you have a few centuries to find it now.”          

               “Yes, thank the cauldron.” Nessa rolled her eyes, pulling her book back up to eye level. After a few moments, she lowered it to meet your eyes. “Have you talked to the shadow singer lately?”

               Your eyebrows rose, and you set down your book, sitting up a bit. “You know me and Azriel don’t talk- what do you mean?”

               You were right- you and Azriel did not talk, if anything, he actively avoided talking to you at every opportunity. “I just feel at times- that you two might be a good couple, but I could be wrong.”

               “I promise you- you’re wrong. Azriel is the last person I could ever imagine being with.” You laughed, picking up your book. “I don’t believe he even has feelings- much less for me. But speaking of males- what about you and Cassian, have you ever thought about it?”

               “I’ve definitely thought about Cassian, but I am not sharing those thoughts with you.” Nessa laughed, throwing a pillow towards you. “He’s insufferable, but I can’t help who I’m attracted to-“

               “Y/N, the high lord has requested you.” You heard a deep voice behind you and nearly jumped out of your chair. Azriel was standing in the doorway, shadows slowly snaking up his arms. You had never seen him in this light, his skin was almost glowing, he was breathtaking. You froze in place, admiring the swirls of tattoos up his arms and leading into places that you wish you could see. Caldron, why couldn’t you control yourself. “Did you hear me?”

               “Yes, yes Az I heard you. Sorry, I’ll be right there.” You sighed, moving the blanket and getting up to slowly stretch. You had anticipated spending the whole day reading, so your outfit wasn’t exactly…. appropriate. You reached up to stretch, feeling the fabric of your shirt lift up past your navel. You heard the loud footsteps of the male walking away, and you sat back down.

               “You are down so bad for him, Y/n.” Nessa muttered, “I don’t know who you’re lying to, but it’s definitely not me. You should have seen the way that male looked at you just now...like he's starving."

               “I’m not lying to anyone- and I’ll be back as soon as I find out what our ‘high lord’ requests of me.” You laugh, throwing her pillow back and placing your bookmark. "And there is no way he looked at me like that, you've been reading too many of those books."

------------------------------------------------------------

               “Would you feel comfortable going to the Spring Court?” Rhysand asks, tapping his finger against his chin as he stares at the excessively large map on the table. “I feel like it would really be helpful to get a sense of the…attitudes of the population there. I don’t feel like our high lord of the spring court is doing a great job with moral.”

               “Of course, anything you need.” You replied, “When do you need me to go?”

               “I was thinking today, if possible.” Rhys looked at you, “if that’s okay with you.”

               You nodded, looking at the map. “It should only be a couple days- but you’re well known here. You should probably wear a disguise and make this as discreet as possible. The last thing I need is you getting caught.”

               “I can handle that,” You smiled at Rhys, you two had been through so much over the years. When he went under the mountain, you were sure that you were going to lose your mind, Azriel and Cassian had lost theirs. “I promised you when you came back- I will do anything it takes to keep you here and keep Velaris safe.”

               Rhys nods, then his head perks up. “Go pack your things.” You nodded, turning and leaving the room. After a quick walk down the hall, you remembered the book that you had left sitting on the desk. You quickly turned to grab it, but as you placed your hand on Rhysand’s door handle you heard the hush voices of Rhysand and Azriel.

               “You cannot send her out there.” Azriel growled, his voice low. “We have spies for this very reason.”

               “Y/N will be just fine Azriel, she’s a big girl and can handle herself.” Rhysand chuckled; you could hear the smirk in his voice.

               “She’s going to get herself hurt out there, just let me handle it.” Azriel insisted, but Rhys didn’t reply. “it’s going to drive me crazy out, you know that right? Knowing that she’s out there in the spring court, and I’m stuck here and can’t do a thing about it? She’ll ruin everything!”

               You shook your head, ire filling your veins. How dare he? You rarely, if ever, go on missions. Sure, you weren’t as strong as Cassian or Azriel, and sure, you weren’t as experienced at combat or using your powers as them, but you were still useful- especially at reading emotions. You hesitated, removing your hand from the handle, torn between throwing open the door and ripping Azriel a new one, or going back to your room to cry.

               The decision was made for you when the door was opened, and Azriels dark eyes bore into yours. “Eavesdropping now?”

               “Fuck you.” You spat, looking between him and Rhysand. “I know that you think I’m weak- that I’m incompetent, but I can assure you I’m not. I can handle myself just fine.”

               “That’s not what I’m saying Y/N,” Azriel tried to interrupt, but you held up your hand.

“I’m going, and I’m not going to ruin anything okay? I will die before I ever let Tamlin get his hands on me or give up anything about this court. Despite the fact that you don’t seem to think I can handle myself.” He went to speak again, and you stopped him, “I’m packing my things, I just came back to grab this.” You stormed past him, grabbing your book off the desk.

               An emotion quickly crossed Azriel’s face, which he quickly concealed. “You’re right- I don’t believe you can handle it. Just stay here in that little library with Nessa and I’ll get this handled. The first time danger comes your way- you won’t be able to handle it. Let me handle it.”

               You stared at him, dumbfounded. “I’m glad I know how you truly feel Azriel, but I don’t care.” You walked away, storming down the hall, a middle finger pointing back at him.

--------------------------------------------------

               The spring court was… and absolute disaster. The territory was chaos, fae ran rampant and there seemed to be no order- even Tamlin’s guard was nowhere to be found. You sat in the attic of one of the only buildings that wasn’t burnt down and wrote in a journal that you would be bringing back to Rhysand- hopefully all the details would help.

               “Whos’ up there?” A gruff voice shouted, and you heard a loud bang as the floor from under you collapsed. You fell, crashing to the lower floor in a pile of hay. The breath left your lungs in a whoosh, and the pain from the fall echoed across your back. “Who are you? Why are you hiding?”

               You couldn’t respond, still waiting for the breath in your lungs to return. “Who are you?” The man shouted, sending a kick towards your stomach. You rolled over, coughing up whatever air was left. A gasp escaped your mouth as you tried to breathe in whatever your lungs would allow.

               The notebook was ripped from your hands, and the male started to read. You looked up at him through the haze of dust that floated around you due to the ceiling falling in, and although you could not read his facial expressions super clearly- you understood that you were screwed. You tried to quickly get up to make a run for it, but after one step you found that your ankle was severely bent in the wrong direction. The pain shot up your leg and you winced.

               “Well well well…” The man stated, “I’m sure my high lord would love to see you, the friend of the high lord who stole his bride.”

               You shook your head, but he pulled you up, and another male took your other arm. They tugged you out of the building, into the open clearing outside. Fae froze in their tracks, either holding baskets of vegetables, linens, or whatever else could be traded, they all froze to stare at you.

               You tried to remember whatever moves Cassian had showed you, but with a bad ankle, even if you could get out of this hold, there would be nowhere to go. You couldn’t give up any information, that was just not an option. The words you had told Azriel only a few days before came back to you- you would rather end your life, than give away any information about the night court.

               You knocked your head back, feeling the pang as your head hit the man in the lower jaw. His grip loosened ever so slightly, and you were able to turn and throw a punch at the first man, right in the eye. You felt the warmth around your hand and knew that you had severely injured him, possibly puncturing his eye. You tried to run, but your ankle wouldn’t allow it and you fell to the ground. The male came running back towards you, his eye shut and already swelling.

               You took the knife out of your sack, knowing what you had to do, there was no way that you would win this fight. You held the knife out, aiming it towards your chest, when a gust of dark wind picked it up and tossed it aside.

               One minute the men were coming towards you, the next they were backing away, hands in the air as they nearly tripped over themselves. You felt the air change around you, a familiar scent entering your nose, and you knew who it was- it was Azriel.

               Two knives flew towards the men, entering each of their chest with no issue. You sighed, leaning back into the ground and placing your hands over your face, not being able to help the tears filing your eyes. You felt two strong hands pick you up, and start walking you towards the forest.         

               “Did Rhys send you out here?” You sniffled, not being able to help it. “Did he assume I couldn’t do it?”

               “No, of course not.” Azriel replied, looking down at you, an expression you didn’t recognize on his face. “Please- don’t cry.”

               “Don’t tell me what to.” You mumbled, wiping your eyes with the back of your hands. “Just take me home- please.”

               Azriel nodded, winnowing you both back to the winter house.

--------------------------------------------------

               Your ankle was healed, but you refused to leave your room. You told Nessa you just didn’t feel well, but it was the shame in the pit of your stomach that you had afraid to leave. Rhys sent you on a secret mission, once of the most basic missions he could have asked, and you still fucked it up. Azriel was right.

               A knock sounded on the door, and you grumbled, turning over in bed. “Go away.” You mumbled, but the door opened anyways. “Nessa, please I’m not in the mood.”

               The door shut, and you turned to see… Azriel standing in the doorway. He had a book in one hand and a glass in the other, filled with water. “Are you here to rub it in? To tell me you were right?” You turned back over, slumping in bed.

               You felt the end of the bed sink as he sat, and placed the book and water on your nightstand, the book that you were reading when Rhys sent you off. “Y/n- I just want to talk.”

               “I don’t want to talk to you.” You whispered, staring at the setting sun outside the window. “You have had literal centuries to talk to me, but you haven’t, what’s changed?”

               “I came to say I’m sorry.” Azriel sighed, “I’m not very good at admitting that I’m wrong, but it’s something I’m working on.”

               “No Azriel, you weren’t wrong.” Tears stung your eyes again, and you sat up to face him. “You’re never wrong, and that’s the problem. You said I couldn’t handle it, you said I would ruin everything, and I did.”

               “No, you didn’t.” Azriel grabbed your hand, squeezing it. You froze, you had always wanted to feel him like this, always wanted to grab his hand, but had always been too scared- he would have never had welcomed it. “I need to be honest with you, and I’m going to say this once. You can reject me or push me away and I will never ask again- but please just hear me out now.”

               “Fine.” You whispered, wiping the tear from your eye. He stared earnestly at you, his eyes open and unguarded for the first time. He shook his head, looking away. “Just tell me.”

               “I can’t tell you when you’re crying- I can’t stand it.” He released your hand, standing up and turning towards the window, his back to you. “Y/N, I never believed you couldn’t handle it, I never believed that you would fail- but I just could not stand the possibility that it was a possibility.”

               “What are you talking about Azriel?” You asked, but he refused to turn around.

               “The reason Rhys doesn’t send you on missions, the reason he doesn’t put you in danger, is because he owes me one.” Azriel said, his hands folding behind his back. “Knowing that you are in danger, knowing that you are somewhere I can’t protect you- I can’t get anything done, I can’t be productive, and my shadows don’t agree with it either. It literally drives me fucking crazy Y/N.

               He turns to you, his eyes wide open, almost crazed. You could recognize his expression now, it was fear. “The whole time you were there, I watched those men watch you. It wasn’t any fault of yours, it was just pure luck. You did so well.”

               “Wait- you were there? The whole time?” You shouted, ripping off the covers and revealing your pajamas. “Wow- you must really not have trusted me, you just assumed I would fuck it up.”

               “Are you not listening to what I’m saying?” Azriel shouted, running his hands through his disheveled hair. “I cannot live knowing that you are in danger! Rhysand knew full well that I would not be able to sit here idly by as you risked your life out there, without me there to protect you in case things went wrong. Y/N, I can not live without you, you must see that.”

               The bed groaned under your weight as you sat back down, unsure of the words. “Y/N, please. I told you I would tell you once. I cannot ever- ever- put you in a situation where you are unsafe. If it were up to me, you would be in this fucking house all day reading your books, and I would work twice as hard just so you wouldn’t have to.”

               “I know its unreasonable, I know it’s crazy, but some instinctual part of me just can’t let you put your life at risk.” He whispered, moving to the floor and kneeling, grabbing your hands. “Your work here is important, just as important as fighting on the front lines. Please- for me, just stay here.”

               “Why do you feel this way Azriel?” You asked, pulling your hands from his. “no offense- but you have spent the last 2 centuries avoiding me at every opportunity. I have tried to be friends, I have bought you books I thought you might like- hell, I still even go to that stupid bakery and buy you a cake on your birthday every year- but you still don’t talk to me. And now you come around and ask me to keep myself out of danger? I need a good reason Azriel.”

               “I love you, Y/n.” Azriel shouts back, grabbing your hands back. “From the day I met you, I have loved you. I love you when I watch you read your books, I love you when you laugh with everyone BUT me, I love you when you stare at the night sky. And how was I supposed to tell you when you’ve made it so painfully obvious you could never love me?”

               Azriel stopped, clearing his throat and backing up. “But now I understand, you don’t feel the same. Just please keep yourself safe- if not for my sake, then yours.”

               “Azriel- stop, please.” You whispered, more tears coming to your eyes. “I…I have always hated when you left too.” You looked at him, and he turned to look back at you. “I have looked at other males and found myself comparing them to you- every single time. It hurt me so much when I overhead what you and Rhys said about me. I’ve always known that I’m not as strong as you or Mor, but hearing my worst fears confirmed-‘

               “I didn’t mean what I said.” Azriel interrupted, giving you a small smile. “I was trying to find any reason for you not to go- or at least send me with you. You can handle yourself- but I can’t handle myself while you do. I heard what you said about me and you never working out, I was angry about that and angry at him, I just wasn’t in control of my emotions.”

               “Please don’t accept any more missions from that asshole.” Azriel grew serious, his eyes darkening with anger. You grabbed his hand, squeezing it slightly, nodding. “I know you feel like you can’t say no, but just tell him to fuck off.”

               You laughed, choking on the tears. “I’m not going to tell him that Az.” You whispered, you went to touch his face, then hesitated a couple inches away. He moved his face towards your hand, and you cupped his cheek. His stubble grazing your palm, and butterflies filling your chest. “You…really feel that way?”

               “I swear it to you.” Azriel, covered your hand in his. “If you let me, I will spend every day protecting you for the rest of my life.”

               You nodded, and you felt the relief in the breath he exhaled. “I love you too Azriel.”  

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Monster (Azriel X Reader)

Word Count: 4700

Summary: Everyone thinks that Y/N is a horrible person for what she did under the mountain, and she agrees, but Azriel realizes that things aren't what they seem.

I have not wrote any fanfiction in 5 years, which is absolutely crazy. I've been talking to my boyfriend a lot about story ideas and he asked me, why don't you just write it down? So here it is, it's not exactly what I used to write.

---------------------

You had hoped you would die under the caldron-forsaken mountain. The 49 years have cost you everything: your family, your court and your humanity. Amarantha had chosen you to be her right hand, you had no one to lose and everything to gain. You became known as Amarantha’s bitch, arguably a worse title than Rhysand’s. Your job was to keep discipline under the mountain and frequently had to whip and grant Amarantha’s wishes of public torture sessions when the Attor was not around.

Your reputation had made it outside of the mountain and throughout the courts, you were known to be ruthless and would kill without hesitation. You were an absolute monster.

Before Feyre had come along and saved you all from the mountain, the only one who understood your pain was Rhysand. For the first few years of your position, Rhysand would look at you with hatred in his eyes. He tortured people too, but you knew he didn’t enjoy it in the same way you pretended to. Every time you tortured the poor soul who got on Amarantha’s nerves, you would go up to them after the fact and hold their hand and ask if they had learned their lesson.

You had a gift and a curse, your gift was the ability to absorb pain from someone else, but the curse was that pain demanded to be felt eventually. Every whipping, every burn, or every cut that you performed, you took it from them to feel later. You kept this secret to yourself originally, but it’s quite hard to hide things from Rhysand.

On one unfortunate night, he entered your chambers under the mountain and witnessed the blood beginning to pool on your back. “Someone give you a taste of your own medicine?” He smirked, leaning against the door frame.

“Get the fuck out, Rhysand.” You croaked, mouth dry as you felt another blow to your back from the whipping earlier. “If I wanted to sleep with someone, it wouldn’t be Amarantha’s seconds.” You could feel the walls you built to protect yourself from Rhysand crumbling, like they were nothing but paper, and his eyes grew in realization.

He walked over to you and placed your face in his hands, his eyes growing wide with understanding. “You don’t have to bear their pain alone, Y/N.” He whispered, but you shook your head.

“Please go away.” You whispered, tears filling your eyes. Nobody had ever seen you like this under the mountain, “I can handle it, really.”

You felt the next blow and cried out, Rhysand caught you in his arms and held you. You felt him in your mind, and then your physical pain was gone, and it was just you both in your head. He was right there, in front of you, and all you could do was sigh. “I can explain.”

“Are you…. Are you taking their pain?” He whispered, and you nodded. “Why?”

“We’re all trapped here.” You replied, your voice echoing across the black void. “Someone will hurt them either way, at least if I hurt them… I can take their pain away and they can pass peacefully.”

“How long have you been doing this?” Rhys asked, and you shrugged. “I could have helped you, we’re on the same side.”

“It’s my pain to bear, I wouldn’t have agreed to this job if I couldn’t take their pain away.” You whispered back, he nodded in understanding.

From then on, you had one friend under the mountain, and when Feyre became part of the picture, you had two.

----------------------

               When Feyre won the trials and you were released from the mountain, you realized that you had nowhere to go. Your court has disowned you and your family was…gone. Rhysand invited you back to Velaris to the dismay of his inner circle, and he agreed that your gift would remain a secret until you were ready.

               You trained as hard as you could and tried your best time and time again to win over the inner circle. You promised yourself you would tell them about your gift eventually but couldn’t bring yourself to do it, feeling like you would be using it as an “excuse” to torture others and end all the lives you did, when it was really inexcusable.

               The member of the inner circle that hated you the most was Azriel, he would immediately leave any room you entered, refuse to go on missions with you and would even stop training as soon as you were in earshot. You could sense him staring at you from afar sometimes, and whenever you would look it would be anger, hatred and maybe a little confusion in his eyes.

               You tried your best to make friends with everyone, but it’s hard to be friends with a sadistic murderer who laughed as they were killing the weak and defenseless. The only people who gave you a chance were Cassian and Feyre, and you couldn’t be more appreciative.

               One night, during one of your nightmares, you awoke to large hands shaking you awake and came face to face with Cassian. He looked at you in concern and placed a hand around your head in a brotherly, comforting way. Tears flowed down your face. “You were shouting your own name, what were you dreaming about?”

               “Cassian, do you think I can be forgiven for what I’ve done?” You whispered, looking up at him. He hesitated, then nodded slowly. “I need to tell you the truth.”

               Cassian was the first person you willingly told your story to, and he looked absolutely horrified. You showed him the scars on your back and told him about the worst things you have ever done. He comforted you for hours, and in return told you his stories about how he’s killed and how guilty he feels about it sometimes.

               It was nice having Cassian after that point, you two would spar, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to throw a punch when he was open. His laughter was a wonderful sound, and he would often catch you staring at Azriel- longing for his forgiveness but knowing that would most likely never happen. You knew he didn’t trust you, and you don’t think he ever would.

               ---------------------------

                “I need you two to go on a mission together.” Rhys explains, looking between you and Azriel. “I don’t care about how much you don’t like each other; this needs to be done. The attor was sighted on our border, and I need him found.”

               You took a quick look at Azriel before turning away, his hands were clenched into fists, and his shadows were swarming around angrily. “I can go by myself just fine.” Azriel snapped, “She’ll just slow me down and you know it.”

               “I need you BOTH to go, which is why Y/N is here.” Rhysand clasped his hands together, looking at you expectantly. “I think she will be helpful in this mission, since the attor is involved.”

               “I am familiar with the attor.” You sighed, peeking over at Azriel. “I may be able to lure him out.”

               “I bet he’s very fond of you,” Azriel turned to look at you, “I bet you killed more people than he did, did you guys keep count like a competition?”

               You stepped back, you had barely spoken to Azriel, but these were his first words with you. Every reassurance that Cassian, Feyre and Rhys had ever provided seemed to disappear.

               “I just don’t understand Rhys, why is she here? The rest of us have killed, sure, but for good reason. She is a monster.” Azriel’s shadows circled the room, and you could feel the hatred coming off him in waves.

               ‘You’re not going to defend yourself?’ Rhys asked you, and you gave your head a slight shake.

               “This is the last I’m hearing of it, Azriel, you better bring her back here in one piece or so help me.”

---------------

               After 3 cold days of searching for the Attor, he was nowhere to be found, and Azriel’s snide comments were getting on your nerves. The flight back to Velaris was cold and silent.

               “Hey, I’m sorry that we came all this way and didn’t catch him.” You whispered, staring down at the darkening landscape.

               “I just hoped that you would be useful for something.” He replied, not even looking in your direction. You sighed, your heart plummeting to your stomach. You had hoped, on some deluded level, that this trip would allow you to talk to him and explain yourself and maybe- just maybe- he wouldn’t hate you so much anymore.

               “I just wanted to say sorry- not just for the attor but for everything.” He looked down at you, and you couldn’t tell what expression was on his face. “I’m just- I’m trying to be better than I was under the mountain, the person I was then is not me. I hope you can believe that.”

               He nodded, looking back up at the setting sun. “I believe that you want to be better.” He said solemnly, “But if what everyone is saying is true, then there is no hope for you. You will never change, even if Rhysand and Cassian don’t see it yet.”  

               You couldn’t even bring yourself to nod, you felt the cold tears sting your eyes but tried to blink them away before they could fall. Azriel saw you for who you really were, the murderer. At least he won’t lie to you like everyone else has.

               The silence ticked by when all the sudden, an arrow flew by your head and hit Azriels wing with a sharp crack. He grunted in pain and dropped a couple feet; another 2 arrows swished by and tore through his other wing. “Azriel- land!” You shouted, searching the darkened forest floor for any sign of the attackers.

               “No shit Y/N.” Azriel shouted, his wings pumping as the ground came in closer. You felt Azriel turn to the side as another arrow whizzed towards your head, but he took another arrow to the wing. Did he just…protect you? You two landed on the ground in a heap, but you stood up quickly, knife in hand as you searched the darkness for your attackers.

               You feel a presence behind you, and turn around, quickly taking the archer to the ground and holding your knife to his neck. He was older, with pointed ears and white hair. He barred his teeth angrily, but with your knees holding down his arms and knife against his neck, he was stuck.

               “Why are you attacking us?” You seethed, your knife getting dangerously close to his neck. He struggled.

               “They told us you would be passing through- you killed my whole family you bitch!” he shouted, you froze, “Just kill me! Like you did to all of them!” You stood there in silence, hesitating, trying to remember who it was that you killed. You couldn’t kill this man too, you promised you would never hurt anyone again.

               Suddenly you were under him, his knife starting to slide across your neck. You didn’t even raise your hands to defend yourself, you could see the pain of his loss clearly on his face. You nodded, closing your eyes as you waited for him to finish. You remembered Azriel’s words from earlier, he was right after all, there would be no redemption either way.

               You felt the weight lift from your throat and took a deep breath, opening your eyes and seeing Azriel’s angry from holding up the man. Azriel looked absolutely terrifying in that moment. “No, don’t hurt him- “You started, but Azriel had his knife out and slashed his neck, throwing his body to the ground. You cried out, crawling over to the males bloodied form. His eyes frantically looked around, and you grabbed his hand, but there was no usual tug, no usual surge of power as you took his pain, you looked up again and met with lifeless eyes. The male was already gone.

               “Did you…did you know him?” Azriel spat out, grabbing you angrily by your arm and pulling you up. “He shot me out of the sky and just had a knife to your neck, and now you’re crying over him?”

               “of course I didn’t know him!” You pushed back at Azriel, looking down at the male who was dead. “I just…. I just….” You felt a wave of nausea roll through you and turned so you could dry heave. Another death, because of you, again.

               “You just what Y/N?” Azriel barked, and you flinched from him. “Tell me what is going on.”

               “He’s dead!” You whispered. Azriel looked astounded, looking at the man then at you. He then laughed. “Why are you laughing?”

               “Give me a fucking break, Y/N. Lets go.” He grabbed your arm, pulling you with him.

------------

               You two wandered until you found a cabin, the candles were still burning when you arrived and there was a fire going in the fireplace. You were becoming more worried about Azriel by the minute, his skin was losing it’s color and he was almost limping as he walked. As soon as you both entered the cabin, he sat down in a chair and started removing his leathers.

               “Azriel- are you alright?”

               “I’m fine, I just need to get this arrow out of my wing.” He muttered, looking at you.  You watched him as he reached behind him, failing to get a good grip on it. “Would you mind?”

               “I can help.” You whispered, coming up behind him and looking at his wing. His wings were beautiful, dark and somewhat translucent, you had never been this close to him before. You could see an oddish green color seeping from one of the wounds and your heart dropped, poison.

               You slowly touched the area around the protruding arrow, he tensed up. Your fingers lightly traced the area around it, trying to figure out if pulling it out was the best option or if keeping it in to stop the blood flow would be better. Removing it would probably be best, since it was poisoned.

               “Azriel, I’m going to remove it now, okay?” You said quietly, bracing your hands on the arrow. This would hurt like a bitch, but only for a second. You pulled, wincing as the wing membrane tore open a little more. Azriel grunted. “I’m so sorry, but it should start to feel better now, okay? Let me go outside so we can ice it.”

               “No- don’t go.” Azriel looked back at you, his expression a little less guarded. “There could be more of them out there- it’s unsafe.”

               “I’ll be okay, we really need to keep an eye on this for a little bit.” You reassured him and walked out of the warm cabin and into the harsh cold. You grabbed as much snow as you could fit in your sack and came back in just a few minutes later, as soon as you walked in Azriel seemed to slump in relief.

               “How are you feeling?” You asked him, noting that his complexion had looked possibly worse than before.

               “I’m feeling okay.” He looked at you, his eyebrows scrunching, then a small smile came to his lips. You stopped in your tracks, if Azriel was smiling at you, there definitely was something wrong. “I feel a little funny….I think there was something in those arrows.”

               You nodded, coming over and handing the cold pack to him. He nodded and placed it against his wing, wincing at the cold. “You really confuse me, Y/N.” He admitted, his shadows seemed as lethargic as him as they swirled around you. “I can’t figure out who you are- I just see so many different things and it’s not adding up.

               “Who do you see?” You whispered, and he shook his head, somewhat confused. “You can tell me.”

               “You act like you are kind, and at first I thought it was for show, but you seem to be kind even when nobody knows it’s you.” He explains, his voice somewhat slurring. “You pay attention, you leave out books you know Feyre will like, you leave out Mor’s favorite snacks when she doesn’t even like you.”

               “And I’ve watched you train with Cassian; you refuse to throw a punch even when he’s wide open. Even- even with that guy outside who was going to kill you- you refused to hurt him, and you cried when he died.” Azriel looked at you, without hatred, for the first time. “How can someone who killed so many people, who tortured others and laughed as their families mourn, cry over a stranger? There is something you’re not telling me. Rhys and Cassian can see it, what are you not telling me? I want so badly to be on your side, please, tell me, who are you? ”

               You felt tears fall down your face, because he’s only saying this because he was drugged. “Azriel, I don’t want to hurt anyone ever again.” You whispered, “I’m different than I was under the mountain.”

               Azriel nodded, head leaning back as he winced in pain. You grabbed his hand, not asking for permission, and pulled away his pain. You thought of your family, your last memories with them. Your mother, father and two brothers sitting at the table. Your brothers throwing food at each other whenever your parents weren’t looking, trying to get it into each other’s mouths, and trying to hide your laughter so your parents wouldn’t notice. You could feel him sigh in relief and fall unconscious. You sighed in relief, playing the memory again in your head, missing who you were 50 years ago.

               You woke up with a gasp, the pain from Azriel’s injuries tearing through your back. How did he deal with this much pain without even showing it? You snuck outside past Azriel’s sleeping form, and grabbed some snow into the pack that you had used for Azriel, hoping the cold would help your back.

               After shoveling some of the snow into the pack, you felt a presence behind you and looked up, seeing Azriel in the doorway. “Are you feeling bet-“

               “What did you do to me?” Azriel growled, walking down the three steps to confront you in the snow. “Who were those people? What did you do?”

               “You were poisoned Azriel, I just…I gave you some snow to cool you down and tried to get rid of the infection.” You looked up at him, trying to find the man who you had spoken to so truthfully a few hours before. “You were a little confused, which is expected.”

               He shook his head, “who was that family? Is that another family you killed?” he spat, and you froze in place. You didn’t realize that you had shown him that. “Forgot I asked. Don’t ever touch me again. Get back in here so I don’t have to protect your ass if someone else comes around to kill us.”

               You nodded, leaving the pack in the snow and making your way back up to the cabin. You could feel the chills start but could feel how physically hot your body felt. You laid down on the floor, where you were previously right next to the fire. Azriel stood next to the door, watching you intently like you might try to run away.  

               “Are you alright? You’re shaking.” Azriel stated, and you nodded. He walked over to you, hesitating then placing his hand on your forehead for a brief second. “Y/N, you’re burning up. We need to take off some of these layers.”

               You couldn’t find it in yourself to argue as Azriel ripped off your leathers, freezing at what he saw. He turned you over, but you were pale and nearly unconscious. You could hazily see a hint of worry on his face as you passed out.

--------

The flight back was torturous, the pain had started shortly after you woke up, and with each pound of Azriel’s wings another wave of pain went through you. You noticed that for the first time, you were warm and Azriel kept you close to his chest. You could feel how slow your heart rate was, and the growing pain made your realize that maybe this trip would be the end for you.

“Hey Azzie” You whispered, looking up at him. He was truly so beautiful, especially with he early morning sunrise reflecting off his features and the small beads of sweat. “Are you hurting at all?”

“No Y/N, I’m fine.” He stated, looking down at you confused. “Azzie? Where is this coming from?”

“I think Azzie would be a fun nickname.” You laughed before groaning in pain. “I just wanted to tell you something really important.”

“And what is that?” He looked down at you, if you looked like how you felt, then you could understand the growing concern in your eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt? We could have left last night.”

“I don’t want to argue, please.” You whispered, trying to get closer to him. You felt cold and hot at the same time. “Those people I showed you- I did kill them in a way.” His arms stiffened but you continued. “That was my last good memory before I…. became a murderer. I didn’t protect them, I left and they came and attacked and I was the only one brought under the mountain.” The pain in your chest matched the pain in your back. “I couldn’t take away their pain, I couldn’t hold them as they died, I will never forgive myself.”

“You can’t save everyone,” Azriel whispered, you sighed and closed your eyes again, listening to the thumping of his wings. “Why didn’t you just use the antidote on yourself too, I could have handled it.”

“I can’t use it on me.” You whispered, before falling back unconscious.    

---------------------------

               “I need help in here!” Azriel’s voice boomed, causing you to stir and groan from your position in his arms. “Rhysand!”

               You heard thumping and were placed on a soft surface; you felt a warm hand against your cheek and found yourself leaning into it. Then the pain started, and you felt yourself writhe as the poison worked its way through your back.

               “I’m not sure what happened, one minute she was fine.” You heard Azriel say in a panicked voice, “then she’s shaking from the cold, no matter how hot I turned up the fire. She has a fever and has been delirious for the past two hours of the flight, talking about forgiveness and you and Cassian knowing the truth. What is going on Rhys?”

               You could feel a set of hands on your back and you screamed in pain as they tried to flip you over. “Don’t do that! You’re hurting her!” You heard a voice yell, and you tried to keep your mouth shut to prevent any more noises from escaping.             

               “High lord, I’m going to need to him out of here if he can’t control himself.” You heard the women say, you recognized her voice, was that the healer?

               “Azriel, what else happened?” Rhys voice asked, you realized that you couldn’t open your eyes, but you weren’t in as much pain, Rhys must be doing something to you.  

               “We were attacked on the way back; I took three arrows to the wing but she didn’t say anything. Hell, I didn’t even see an arrow go towards her.” You could hear, maybe it was worry, in his voice. “Then she healed me somehow, but she didn’t heal herself. She couldn’t tell me why.” You felt a hand grab yours, and from the ridges of skin there could tell it was Azriel.

               “Please, help her.” You heard him whisper.

               “Madja, Y/N an absorber healer, she’s been poisoned.” Rhys instructs; you hear a gasp from the healer.

               “By the cauldrons, I have never met one before, they are so rare.” You hear her say.

               Despite Rhys’s efforts, you feel another wave of pain shoot down your back, but you keep your mouth closed to avoid screaming. “Azriel- get out.” Rhys shouted, and you tried to shake your head in objection. You need Azriel, you gripped his hand tighter, or tried to in your half-conscious state.

               You felt your shirt rip open, and then your hand was released, and steps were taken away from you. “Rhys- what are those- why does she have all those scars on her back?”

               “She can explain when she wakes up.”

------------------

               You woke up with a start, a scream on your lips. “Y/N, you’re okay.” A voice said, and you felt two hands rest on your shoulders. You snapped your head to see, Azriel? You looked around, you were in your room, but a chair had been pulled up next to the bed.

               “How long…”

               “3 days.” Azriel stated, settling back down into the chair.

               You nodded, “and…why are you in my room?” You looked around, cautiously looking back at him. He looked…incredulous.

               “Oh I don’t know, maybe I’m just making sure you wake up.” Azriel cocked his head to the side, anger filling his eyes. “Why would you do that Y/N? I would have been perfectly fine, but you almost got yourself killed, you had no right to do that to yourself on my behalf!”

               “It’s not like I can help it!” Your voice was hoarse, and you winced at the scratchiness In your throat. He grabbed a cup of water for you on the nightstand, and you drank almost the whole thing. “Azriel- can I be honest?”

               “Please do, I need a good explanation.” He retorted, sarcasm lacing his tone. His shadows were surrounding you, but seemed almost- relieved.

               “I can’t watch people in pain.” You whispered, “Watching you in pain killed me inside, and even though you hate and can’t stand to be around me, I couldn’t just watch you go through that.”

               “I did hate you.” Azriel says, grabbing your hand. “How else was I supposed to feel? You had killed people I knew, people with families, tortured for fun and acted like you enjoyed it. Hell- I think the whole court hated you.”

               You looked down, nodding, tears in your eyes. “I’m sorry.”

               “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Y/n.” You looked up, locking eyes with Azriel, “I was such an idiot, the signs were there, and you’re a terrible liar. When I saw the scars on your back, I – I lost my shit. Literally. I don’t Madja is going to let me anywhere near the healing quarters anytime soon.”

               “I was just trying to help people the only way I knew how.” You whispered, a tear spilling. He nodded, reaching up and cupping your face.

               “I feel like a monster too, I’ve killed and tortured, but I’ve always done it in the name of our court.” He exhaled shakily, giving you a small smile. “But you are kind, and I have just been so frustrated over the past couple of months because I wanted to hate you so much- but couldn’t bring myself to. Watching you laugh with Cassian and Feyre, I felt so helpless like you could never open up to me like that. I literally couldn’t even be in the same room as you, because I felt so…jealous for no reason.”

               “Rhys- when he told me about us going together, I was angry. Angry that he would put you in danger just for the sake of getting us to get along.” You watched anger fill his eyes, “and he almost got you killed.”

               “I’m okay.” You reassured, smiling through the tears that were still falling.

               “just make me a promise, okay?” Azriel released the grip on your face and grabbed your hand, fiercely. “I never want you to take my pain again, or anyones for that matter, okay? My pain is mine to bear, alone.”

               You nodded, feeling some relief. “Thank you Azriel, I…this means a lot to me. I’ve been wanting to tell you everything for so long.”

               “I want to hear everything,” he squeezed your hand again, and you could feel your heart flutter. “I will never let you get hurt again, and honestly…Azriel is so formal. I’m okay with Azzie….as long as its between us.”

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

I’m Pouring My Heart Out (Bucky x Reader)

Word Count: around 1,500

              “How do you not feel anything?” You asked him, tears welling in your eyes. “Bucky, I’m pouring my heart out to you right here, right now. I’m done trying to hide it. I know that you think you’re a monster and that you don’t think you deserve happiness. But you do. I want you Bucky, even when you don’t want yourself. I love you so much, you’re it for me. You’re all I want.”

              You watched as emotions crossed his face. First relief, then sadness, then…nothing. You waited for his response, but he just turned around and continued to pack his bag. You reached out to him, trying to grab his shoulder. “Bucky, please say something back.”

              “I didn’t ask-“ He closed his eyes, putting down his clothes and turning around. “For you to love me, or to feel anything for me. It’s probably in your best interest to forget about me.”

              “You don’t mean that Bucky.” You felt like your heart was plummeting to your toes. “You don’t mean that, please-“

              “Y/n, you need to leave me alone.” Bucky replied, his cold eyes glaring into yours with anger. “you need to let me pack and stop thinking about me. This- “He pointed between you guys, “is never going to happen. You need to walk away.”

              You did. You slowly backed out of the room, letting the tears freely run down your face. You ran down the hall of the tower, down the 13 flights of stairs, and out to the raining streets of Manhattan. You kept running, and even when you were out of breath and sobbing, you didn’t stop. The streets were empty, the lights were fuzzy, and New York, for the first time in your life, seemed to stop around you.

-

              The next month was the hardest of your life. Memories with Bucky were hard to forget, and they popped into your head often. The way you guys laughed, the pillow fights, the secret kisses, the sneaking out. Months of wonder and beauty and love were washed away with his words on repeat in your head. The bright memories were covered in a layer of black paint. It seemed never-ending. But you were getting through it.

              Steve met you in the hallway, dressed in his gym shorts and shirt. He gave you a smile when you walked out of your room. “You ready for our run?” He asked, and you smiled and shook your head. The last month had been hard, but honestly, having Steve and Natasha constantly there to keep your mind off him was all you needed. You knew you would eventually be fine.

              You guys made small talk and made your way downstairs, and you felt the warm morning breeze hit your face as you made your way out the door. Your run started as normal, trying to keep up with Steve and him trying to slow down just enough for you. The run was okay before Steve got a phone call, and his face scrunched up in concern when he saw who was calling. He stopped running and answered it, walking a distance away from you.      

              You watched him talk, his arms animated and his face…worried. He hung up and stared at you for a second, before sighing and walking over. “Y/N, Bucky is in trouble.”

              “What kind of trouble?” You asked, and he shook his head. “Like Hydra trouble?”

              “We have to go. Now.” He said, looking up a map on his phone. “He’s only a couple blocks from here.”

              “He’s still in Manhattan?” You asked, astounded. “He moved out of the tower to live in another apartment in New York?”

              “You can run back to the tower, I can handle Bucky.” He reassured, putting a hand on your shoulder. “I understand if you don’t want to help.”

              “I’ll help.” You grumbled, your heart pounding heavily in your chest. “Lead the way.”

-

              You made your way to First Wok, a small innocent Chinese place. You followed Steve as he made his way around the building, and up the fire escape to the second floor. He opened the window and climbed through. You stayed outside for a couple more seconds, scanning the area. If it was Hydra, they could be anywhere. In a car, on foot, on the roof, you couldn’t be too careful.

              “I don’t know how they found me, Steve.” You heard Bucky exclaim. “I was so careful, I left my life, I left the tower, I left her, Steve. They’ve literally taken everything. What do I have left?”

              “Buck-“Steve tried to interrupt.  

              “Just take me! I’m right here!” Bucky screamed at the top of his lungs, something crashed. You shook your head and climbed inside the apartment. The place was plain, bare walls and bare floors, a single bed in the center.                

              “Can you calm down?” You yelled angrily at him. He completely froze, dropping the lamp he had in his hand. “I didn’t run all the way here to hear you screaming at the world like a little bitch.”            

              Bucky stood still, just staring. The lamp laid shattered on the floor, and Steve stood awkwardly in between you guys. “Is anyone going to explain the situation to me?” You asked, crossing your arms and glaring angrily at the two men.

              “Bucky’s been watching, and the same car is passing by here every day. The same people are walking by every night, “Steve explained, looking at Bucky to elaborate. Bucky cleared his throat, looking down at the floor.

              “Yeah, they’ve found me. I know the signs.” He stared at you. “They almost found me before.”

              “When?” You asked, and he looked back at the ground. “a month ago?” He nodded.

               You took another look at the apartment. By the bed, photos of you and him were strewn. The bracelet you made him was hanging on the headboard. You couldn’t stop the tears from forming in your eyes. “I just need a second.” You muttered, quickly climbing back outside.

              “Y/N- please don’t cry.” Bucky called behind you, climbing out the fire escape window as well. “Please- “

              “Do not touch me.” You growled, ripping your arm away from his hand. He took a step back, before leaning on the fire escape and looking at you.

              “I didn’t want to leave you, that’s the last thing I wanted to do.” He kept his distance, his eyes begging yours. “You’re the only person I needed to keep safe. You’re the only person that I didn’t want them knowing about.”

              “Well you succeeded.” You angrily wiped the tears from your eyes, your body betraying you.

              “I’ve always loved you.” Bucky whispered; you shook your head.

              “You don’t love me, Bucky.” You stared at him; your vision blurry. “I poured my heart out to you, and you told me to walk away. I did Bucky. I walked away.”

              His eyes tore away from yours, tears forming from his own. “I was hoping you wouldn’t believe me that day,” His voice quieted, almost to a whisper. He looked out at the alleyway in front of him. “You can always tell when I’m lying, I was hoping you would be able to tell.”                

              “I know that I should have been straightforward with you, I should have told you the truth. But I wasn’t willing to take that risk, and I’m still not willing. You are the only person I care about, Y/N. I would rather watch the world burn than put you in any pain.” He sighed again, “But I did that anyway.”

              “Why are you telling me this?” You croaked. “You broke my heart, Bucky.”

              “I just needed to tell you that I love you too.” He whispered, moving towards you. You shook your head.

              “It’s too late.” You whispered, but all you wanted to do was grab him. “I can’t do this.”

              He grabbed your hand gently, running his fingers lightly over the back of your knuckles. “This is me, pouring my heart out to you, right here and right now.” He started, tears starting to form in his eyes. “I didn’t realize how dark my life was until I met you. Not having you by my side, not having your smile, not having your dad jokes and your laugh. Life without you with me is a life I don’t want to live. I want you, Y/N. I want all of you. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done. Knowing I’ve made you cry, that I’ve hurt you so much literally kills me. It makes me feel like a monster.”

              You covered your face with your hands and openly cried, relief filling your chest. Despite the therapy and the girl nights and Lizzo songs, you still felt like Bucky was the only one meant for you. “I’m so sorry-“ He grabbed you, and you opened your hands. He was crying too. “I don’t want to make you cry anymore.”

              “Then promise to never do that again.” You pouted, and he nodded. He pulled you into him and squeezed you tight, promising whatever Gods that he would never let you go again.  

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Drunk Texts (Bucky x Reader)

this is the first story i’ve written in over two years, so it’s not going to be as good but i hope you still like it! 

word count: 1576

 “Ma’am, I will have you know that I am not-“ You pointed a finger at Natasha, “Not drunk! I am not! Drunk!”

              She nodded her head, a smirk on her face. You were trying to keep a straight face, to prove to her that you could control your facial expressions, but you had a feeling that you were failing utterly. “So this is you completely sober right? Not drunk at all?”

              “Yep!” you took another sip of your pina colada, “I mean no, yes I’m not drunk.” You fell back on your couch cushions. “Okay maybe just a little, but not like super drunk, only a little drunk.”

              She laughed. You both were curled up on opposite sides of the loveseat, drinking terrible pina coladas and watching whatever show popped up first on Netflix. It was past midnight, and you had invited Natasha over after her “super dangerous top-secret mission” that you weren’t supposed to know anything about. You were, after all, just a civilian. “I don’t know how you can get drunk off of two pina coladas,” Nat shook her head, you shrugged your shoulders, taking another long sip of your drink.

              “So how did your mission go?” You asked, looking over at her. Her hair was tied back in the smallest ponytail, and she had removed all her makeup prior to coming over. She made a face and shrugged. “That bad, huh?”

              “Not really bad as much as it was…a waste of time.” She said, taking a sip of her drink. “I don’t really know what Fury is thinking at this point.”

              You nodded your head, “Was there anyone on this mission with you?” You asked.

              “Oh it was just me and Steve, Barnes came along as-“

              “Bucky was there?” You smiled, unable to keep the warm feeling from rushing through your veins. “I mean- Steve and Bucky came along? That is so cool.”

              She rolled her eyes, “You need to get over this obsession with Barnes”. Natasha warned, and you looked away. “No seriously- he’s a good guy but he’s dangerous. He could hurt you, or any of us, at any moment. You need to get over it.”

              “But he’s cute.” You pouted, and Natasha just rolled her eyes again. “but yeah, I get it.”

              “Do you want anymore to drink?” Nat asked, standing up. You smiled brightly and gave her your empty cup, nodding eagerly. She strode to the kitchen, and you watched the show.

              Bucky may have seemed dangerous to everyone else, but you really believed he had a soft spot for you. It was probably just in your head, but you really felt like he cared about you. He always held open the door, walked you home, and constantly asked if you were safe. You figured it was nothing romantic, you’ve never actually seen him with other girls, so he was probably like this with everybody. You were just dumb and caught feelings.

              You opened up your phone and opened your text messages with Bucky. The last time you guys had texted was two days ago, but that was right before he left with Natasha and Steve. “Hey Y/N! We’re out of Pina Colada Mix, what else do you want?” Natasha shouted from the kitchen. You smiled, Bucky knew a lot about alcohol. This is a great excuse to text him.

              You started to text, ‘I need help-‘ before glass shattered and a scream erupted through the empty apartment. You threw your phone down, a little vibration signaling a message had sent. “Natasha!” You ran to the kitchen.

              She was in hysterics on her knees, the only bottle of vodka you guys had left was shattered on the kitchen tile. You looked closer and she was laughing. “Sorry sorry.” She panted, standing up and wiping the excess liquid off her pants. “Ugh sorry- I think I may be drunk too.”

              You joined in with her laughter. Natasha was never clumsy, and it was actually hilarious to see her this disheveled. “Why don’t you run home and change?” You offered. She only lived a couple of floors below you. “I’ll get some snacks ready and we can gossip and go to bed.” She nodded, agreeing.

              “Okay- Ill be back in like 20 minutes. Pause the show!” She ordered, grabbing her keys. “I don’t want to miss any of it!”

              “You haven’t even paid attention to it!” You argued, and she just shook her head and opened your front door. “be back in 20 minutes or I’ll call the police.”

              “Yeah yeah.” She muttered, laughing and shaking her hand at you. You locked the door behind her. You flopped back on the couch, turning your head towards the television and trying to catch up with what was going on with the show. The main character was making out with another main character. You sighed, turning off the screen and flopping on your back.

              You thought of Bucky and how off limits he was. He was handsome, polite, a gentleman. You were obsessed with Bucky, and it was awful. You knew that you didn’t really have a chance with him, or that Natasha would literally kill you, KILL YOU, if you ever got with him. You wished that he would just come in and take you away, and you could run away from New York and Natasha. Especially Natasha.

              The was a locking sound and the door swung open. You nearly fell from the couch in surprise. Bucky Barnes was standing in the doorway, his arm raised and his eyes looking murdurous. You screamed and literally flopped over behind the couch, landing uncomfortably on your side. “Bucky!” You shouted angrily, peeking over the couch at him.

              His fist lowered and he looked around. He was sweating, and wearing sweat pants?

              “Are you okay?” He asked, coming closer. “I came as fast as I could.”

              “Yeah Bucky, I’m fine.” You stood up slowly, looking around. “Um, no offense or anything but why are you here?”

              “The text you sent?” He asked, dumbfounded. “The one where you said, I need help? Then the audio message of glass shattering and someone being murdered? That message?”

              “Oh.” You squeaked, looking at your phone that was shoved in the corner of the couch. “I accidentally sent that.”

              “Accidentally?” He exclaimed, “Accidentally! I just ran over here as fast as I could. I thought you were getting murdered!”

              “Bucky… you live like 5 miles away. I only sent that text maybe 10 minutes ago.” You whispered, he stared at you, waiting for your point. “you ran all the way here just because you thought I was being murdered?”

              Your heart swelled, but Bucky rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Stop being dumb, Y/N. You know I would do anything for you.” He walked past you, into the kitchen. You stared at where he stood, your heart pounding. You wished you wouldn’t have drank as much.

              “Bucky!” You followed him, he turned. “What do you mean, you would do anything for me?”

              “I’m not doing this now, Y/N.” He chided. “You’re drunk.”

              “No I’m not drunk, only a little drunk!” you replied, grabbing his arm and turning him around. You looked up at him, begging. “Please Bucky, just tell me what you meant.”

              “You know what I mean.” He said quietly. He didn’t try to pull away. You shook your head. “Y/n, I would literally do anything for you.” His voice came out in a whisper. “I would run to the end of the Earth just to make sure you were okay.”

              “But why?” You asked, immediately ruining the moment.

              He looked down at you, a smile on his face. “I’m not going to ruin this, I’m sorry.” He pulled his arm from you and headed towards the door “I’m glad you’re okay, really.”

              “Just tell me the truth!” You shouted, throwing a pillow at the back of his head. He froze, turning towards you. “Just tell me how you feel, James! I cant take it anymore! One minute you like me, the next minute you don’t. I freaking love you, and it’s so annoying. I don’t know how you feel!”

              He stared at you, eyes wide. You started to feel insecure about your words, but you glared at him anyways. “You want to know how I feel?” he asked slowly, stalking towards you. “You make me feel like I’m going fucking insane.”

              “I feel like I’m going crazy. You’re always on my mind, I’m always worrying about you, I’m always thinking about you. I didn’t see myself having a future until I met you, Y/n.” His eyes were locked on yours. “You want to know how I feel? I feel like I need you. I feel like without you, I’m nothing. I feel like every minute you’re not mine, is a minute of my life I am wasting. Is that what you want to hear?”

              He stopped when he was right in front of you. He was breathing heavy, and you couldn’t move. You could barely breathe. He grabbed your hand and slowly slid his fingertips up your arm, around your shoulder, until he grasped the back of your neck gently. A smile crept its way onto your face, and he sighed in relief. “You’re missing one thing.” You whispered, gently caressing his cheek.

              “I feel like I love you.” He whispered back, leaning in to kiss you.

 -

                Natasha stood in the doorway, watching as her best friend made out with her colleague. She decided maybe she should just come back later.  

[lifeasadorkwithnolife]

Grocery Shopping (Bucky x reader)

               (Honestly I work in a grocery store as a cashier, and so thinking of these things while I’m working is the only thing that get’s me through the day. )

Word Count: 920

               You don’t know why you always brought Bucky along on your shopping trips. When you shopped by yourself, you bought exactly what you needed, and you were done. With Bucky, you ended up spending an additional 50 dollars on snacks and things that only he would eat. But he always persisted in coming with you anyways.

               “How about coco puffs? Or maybe even a box of Lucky Charms? Please Y/N!” Bucky made a scene, acting like a child as you went past the cereal aisle. You gave him a playful look, shaking your head. He followed behind you with the cart as you read your grocery list. “But Y/NNNN, all the stuff in the cart is like…. gross, and healthy.”

               “I don’t make the rules, honey.” You smirked, crossing radishes off your list. You did make the rules, but that was beside the point. If it were up to Bucky, you guys would never have another vegetable in the house. “Besides, we have plenty of other cereal at home you can eat.”

               “But that’s all healthy too! I hate to break it to you honey, but Raisin Bran sucks ass.” He replied, and you turned around and gave him a look. Although you thought he looked hot in his tight pants and “avenger” attire, you also liked him this way, with his hair a mess, a long hoodie on, and joggers that went right to his ankles. “Looks like someone’s checking me out.” He smirked.  

               “Don’t act like you haven’t been checking me out this whole time.” You teased, turning around and sauntering towards the checkout line. “Plus, how are you going to keep your 6 pack if you’re only eating Lucky Charms and extra-movie-theater buttered popcorn all the time?”

               He rolled his eyes, huffing as he pulled your over piled shopping cart into the checkout line. You kissed his cheek before he bent over and started throwing items onto the belt. It felt odd for you two to be out in public like this, not saving the world or going on a secret mission, but doing something that normal other people did. Grocery shopping was a boring task, maybe even a chore to other people, but to you, it was a privilege, or a miracle, even, that you two had survived long enough to do this. It made you wonder how many more grocery trips you were going to go on.

               “Bucky…” You whispered, looking at him with tears in your eyes. He looked up, pausing what he was doing. “Isn’t it weird, to be here in a grocery store?”

               “Not really.” The customer in front of you muttered. You slowly turned your head to face him, and he rolled his eyes and proceed with his order.

               “What do you mean babe? Everyone goes grocery shopping.” Bucky chuckled, and you just shook your head.

               “Like, everyone thinks of grocery shopping as a chore. We don’t get to shop and do stuff like this together, we’re lucky we even live long enough to do stuff like this Bucky!” You exclaimed, and he nodded. “How many more times will we get to go grocery shopping together? How many more shopping trips do we get? Every other person in this world gets the guarantee that they’re going to live to see another grocery trip…but what if this is our last one?”

               “Honey, don’t talk like that.” Bucky wrapped his arms around you. “I get what you’re saying.”

               “Do you really?” You mumbled, and he nodded.

               “I get it. We need to live in the now, we can’t take moments together for granted, I know.”  Bucky came to the realization himself, what if you guys didn’t live for tomorrow? “I know what we’re going to do.”

               “What Bucky?” You sniffled. He let go of you and quickly looked at the candy rack behind you, before grabbing a piece and getting on one knee. He pulled the red ring pop out of the package. “What are you doing?”

               “Y/N, I know that this wasn’t the perfect place, and I know I don’t have the perfect ring, but we don’t know how much time we have left together. We don’t know if we’ll be gone tomorrow, or if we’ll be gone in years, but what I do know is that I want to spend whatever time I have left, married to you.” Bucky whispered, and you could feel all eyes on you. But your eyes were glued to his. “Will you? Will you marry me?”

               You nodded, Bucky smiled and put the plastic ring on your left hand. As he stood up, you hugged him, and the crowd around you started clapping.

               You nodded at him, tears filling your eyes. Bucky smiled at you, placing the plastic ring on your ring finger. The red color shining under the fluorescent lights. You hugged him tightly, and you could hear the ocean of applause coming from around you. His lips were on yours and you realized, as long as you were here with him, right now, nothing else mattered.

               “Honey, I have something to ask,” Bucky whispered into your ear, and you nodded, looking up at him. “Since we only have one life to live and our days are ultimately numbered, does that mean I can get my Lucky Charms?