lifeinthepink-pinkmomentz - Tumblr blog

lifeinthepink-pinkmomentz

#LifeInThePynk

Collection of #PinkMomentz by Pynxelle Perez

1572 posts

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

Last Seen Blogs

anish35fan-blog

Untitled

babysportsfarmalien

題名未設定

jenkawasaki

Untitled

24seven-home-healthcare

24Seven Home Care

marrennta-morena-blog

ainda ta escrito Maktub ✌

lifeinthepink-pinkmomentz · 4 years

Text

A loving reminder from the Divine Mother about Causality

Earlier this week I had a visit from an old acquaintance who brought stories of the demise of two individuals who had caused me harm in the distant past (4 and 9 years respectively).

So begins the lesson. If I had heard these stories even 2 months ago, I would have rejoiced in their pain, for they had caused me pain! it serves them right. What I actually found was a feeling of comfort. Not in some twisted version of the scenario painted above. I will explain.

Many times throughout my life I have been abused in some way or other. I have always been a lover and given love, putting me in vulnerable positions allowing people to abuse me. Apart from the hurt experienced during these times of abuse, there was also a feeling of torture that these people had taken then love energy that I had given them, twisted and mutilated it and then threw it back. This feeling also stemmed from the belief that these people were doing what they were doing with no repercussions, responsibility or accountability for their actions.

By the time this person arrived with news of these particular individuals, I had obviously done a lot of growing, but the last bit of this understanding came when I began to consciously and righteously process my emotions in hearing it. I felt comforted. Why? their pain didn’t comfort me. I can safely say that I have passed the stage where I rejoice in anybody’s pain.

It was comfort at being reminded of the universal truth of Causality. You might understand this as cause and effect or more commonly, ‘karma’. You see, all that love that I had given out had not been mutilated or twisted. They chose independently what energy they wished to give in exchange for mine. The law of causality dictates that whatever you give you will get. Sometimes immediately, sometimes with delay, but you will always get it back.

First was the relief that all that love I have given is coming back to me, amplified. Second was the idea that causality can become a form of justice. The theme of homelessness has been a central point of my struggles over the last decade. One of these individuals rejoiced in the power to kick me out of her house (I paid bills and respected the property), destroyed some of my property, kept other bits of property and as she smashed my disney collectors mug on the floor of the landing, declared I was a tramp with no where to live and asked me to look at myself. She is now weeks away from facing homelessness. By her own hand. It seems being shitty to people and using them hasn’t worked to well for her. The other individual has faced homelessness and ended up in the home of his mother, who by his own admittance is an individual who constantly back bites him, puts him down, tries to control him and sabotages any attempt to execute plans to move forward in his life. No guessing what his misdemeanour toward me was…..

Comfort in knowing that I can continue to be me. Love. A giver and receiver of love. That no matter what I will be compensated. That the institutions and individuals responsible for the last 2 years of hell I have experienced will receive it back in kind and I needn’t be consumed with hate or the need to seek revenge. All is well and I am loved. I am LOVE.

1 note · View note

lifeinthepink-pinkmomentz · 4 years

Text

The Manifestation (reconciliation of my EUPD GIFT)

18th December 2018- United airlines flight to Chicago- 1hr 15 mins till landing

As soon as Tanisha left me at the security gate, I was overwhelmed with the need to cry. I tried my best to hide it and failed. Deja Vu. I’ve dreamt the moment I am having as I write this. Acknowledgment. I digress. I cried. As people told me I was gorgeous, my hair was pretty and smiled at me. I struggled to wipe away the leakage. After clearing the security gate, I made a point of examining my emotional state. I should be happy, excited. I was. I was on time, paid up and ready to go. I understood at that time that my conditioning of mistreatment and misfortune had bred a fatalistic sense of being. Deep, deep down I felt like I didn’t get to treat myself like this. Bad luck was always round the corner with disaster to follow.

I realised what I was experiencing was the overwhelming sense that the spell was broken. I was grieving for the damage I had had to endure up to this point, so much so that my 18 year old cousin more or less had to hold my hand to get me to the airport and ready for my flight. I sucked it up as exited the security gate, but as soon as I made a call to Jim, I was off again. Call to Tanisha, off again. Call to Courtney, off again. Mr J made me laugh as always.

By the time I was at the departure gate and being picked to have my bags swabbed for drugs, all tears had dissipated. We are close to landing. There is a racist c**t on the other side of the isle. When I had to switch my voice from “sweet vulnerable adult” voice to my “Black woman don’t take no shit” voice when this fool wanted to pretend he couldn’t hear me repeatedly asking him to let me past, I sat on my seat and pondered.

I had almost forgotten my ability (natural, automatic and almost unconscious) to switch from one emotion state to another, accompanied by a different persona. The persona being illustrated of the depth of emotion experienced/felt. First, I understand why there is stigma around personality disorders. It is very easy for an observer, especially a bias one, to view these switches of emotion/persona as a form of manipulation and inauthenticity. Tough luck for me in one respect, under control, powerful, dare I say dangerous?

The most important and poignant understanding / discovery is that my EUPD is my super power. My ability to connect fully and deeply to the full range of my emotions from moment to moment. This is something I believe has been conditioned out of the human population which is why I appear “weird” and am stigmatised. It is my super power/ mutation that allows me to anticipate people’s thoughts, feelings. It is what makes me a good teacher, nurturer, councillor, motivator, visionary, empath.

In Westworld, Anthony Hopkin’s character proclaims that “mistakes” are the most powerful things in the universe as it is the “mistakes” that are responsible for the mutations that create evolution.

Before I left the womb, I knew abuse intimately. I was betrothed to abuse and was married to every part of it. I accepted it into my life without any resistance. I grew used to it. It was routine.

The home office happened. Now, with the help of trusted professionals, he/she (abuse) ruled me, pulled my strings, taking orders from the professionals.

I was trapped.

I sat and talked with her/him (abuse). Explored her/him/it. Deep cleaned the wounds created from our lifetime marriage. When the food poisoning hit a few weeks ago, the healing from this exercise reached critical point. I died a thousand deaths.

The rotten parts were washed away. I came out from the other side brand new.

Polished.

I let the tears fall on this plane with no shame. I AM THAT I AM.

I cry sadness for the child who suffered. I cry joy for the adult who had countless well wishes and love showered toward her for her trip. 47 mins till I land in Chicago.

I made it. I made it. Full of love

THE O.D.G

1 note · View note

lifeinthepink-pinkmomentz · 4 years

Photo

Diary of a high functioning mad melanin goddess:Night of the Dark shadow

Gut wrenching,soul searching,

brain tearing, soul bearing,

love lies, love lost,

love lives in truth.

Broken down, broken up

sparkle in the dark, spark, spark, flame!

ASHES.

Soul bird rise, back in time 16, I marked you.

REMEMBER.

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.

you are LOVE.

LOVE CONQUERS ALL.

The seat of love, the heart.

The heart says you will live.

LIVE.

LIVE FREE.

2 notes · View notes