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this scam text is so fucking funny i’ve been walking around my home repeating to myself “hi! i am in charge at goldman sachs”

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Ok, loves, so we've all got the message that joking about suicide is bad for your mental health. Now we need to get on "joking that the planet/all of humanity has no future" is bad for societal health/encouraging resistance to bad shit."

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victorian trans guy who goes to beloved local barber sweeney todd and presses half a crown in his hand and says “begging your pardon sir, i know it ain’t much but i was hoping you might tell my employer i get me shaves from you should he ever come around. only he’s been asking me how i keep my chin so smooth and i haven’t the heart to tell him i can’t grow a beard, so i might have told him a little lie, sir, and said it’s all due to your wonderful skill, sir” and sweeney todd goes “no problem. by the way would you say your employer deserves to die”

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i was at an event last night in california and i went to the bar to order wine bc wine was like, a thing, and i looked at the menu and saw i was completely out of my depth bc idk any wine names, so i turned to my right and there was a man in a gorgeous suit standing at the bar beside me and i said “do you know anything about wine?” and he said “a little, yes!” i told him i liked white and dry wines and asked if he’d order for me. he asked the server for two glasses and had one poured for each of us and then he clinked his glass on mine but he didn’t take a sip, he just watched me taste mine and then he asked what i thought and i said “it’s pretty good, but like i said, i wouldn’t know.” he laughed and told me to have a good time & i walked away. fifteen minutes later i found out he’s the winemaker.

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Texts From Superheroes

Facebook | Threads | Patreon | Instagram | BlueSky

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i hope that "oomf" shit never catches on in this site. you're halfway through your tweet and it sounds like mario just walked into a buzzy beetle

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Seeing Numbers Above Heads by Chiktatoon.

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crafting a plane launcher with chopsticks by 小小折纸手工

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i think the best genre of image is "creatures trapped in starbucks cups with receipts reading [cup of water (no water, no ice, creature)]"

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think how it feels for me

I have two annoying siblings

i have issues with my brother

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theres this phenomenon online. that ive seen a lot of recently especially with the switch 2 and new lilo and stitch but has happened for years which i am honestly baffled by. where a new upcoming product gets announced and a buncha people talk about how bad its gonna be and how no-one should get it. and then the product comes out and a buncha people end up buying it. and then some randos online go "i cant believe after all that complaining about how bad product was gonna be, yall went out and bought it anyway. dont yall have any self-restraint" and like. i gotta wonder. what goes on in their brain where they think "people who complained about upcoming product" and "people who bought upcoming product" are the same group? like. there might be some people who are in both groups, but why would the majority of people be in both groups? how is that logical at all?

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i really could write an essay on how shit is that we’ve completely abandoned the monster-of-the-week episode format even when rebooting shows that relied on it to replace them with grimdark edgy plotlines where nothing feels good or accomplished at the end of the day