lillieslibrary

[lillieslibrary]

Anderson. The last name meant nothing to Todd as he wasn’t really apart of it. His parents decided that for him when they locked him in his room for the first time.

His father screeched at him from behind the door.

“You shall stay there until you realise the damage your actions have caused!”

Todd’s ‘actions’ were crying at his brother’s birthday party, after he had tripped and grazed his knee. He was 4.

[lillieslibrary]

Little Todd Anderson doodle 🤩

Tell me what you think ⬇️

[lillieslibrary]

"Well, What do you love?"

anderperry one-shot !!

summary: todd kisses neil, flees the scene, and sits on the dock in a ball of his own anxiety. neil finds him and ends his worries.

warnings: internalized homophobia, self-depracating thoughts

Todd is sitting quietly on his bed, trying to convince his pencil to write the poem for Keating's class, on its own. He can't think of anything to write as his mind is pre-occupied with his other unwanted thoughts. Neil walks in and Todd decides to call it a day, he will write more later.

The bed dips as Neil sits down beside him. "Whatcha doing?" he says, in a sing-songy voice. Todd shrugs. "I'm trying to write a poem for English, nothings working," he sighs and throws his journal onto the bed next to him. Neil looks at him with a hint of sympathy.

"Well I'm sure you'll think of something, you're a great writer!"

Neil leans over him to pick up the journal and Todd almost screams. His face is warm and he has to take a subtle deep breath. Neil flips through the pages, skimming over the work Todd has done so far. Todd lets him, he has gotten more comfortable with people reading his stuff, so he just takes this time to settle his nerves.

"Everything in here is great! Why don't you just use one of the poems you haven't shown yet?" Neil asks, still looking down at the pages. "Mr Keating said it has to be about love, and I don't usually write about that so I have to make a new one," Todd looks down at his lap, talking about love is not something he particularly enjoys, especially when the person he's talking about it with is Neil Perry.

Neil finally looks up from the journal, and shuffles to face him on the bed. Todd turns as well, looking up into his friends eyes.

"Well, what do you love?"

Todd looks down at his lap. He has only just realised how close in proximity they are to each other. He can feel his palms becoming sweaty. He looks back up at Neil, who is smiling right at him.

Before Todd can think it through he leans in and kisses him. The kiss lasts a couple seconds before Todd pulls away. His eyes are wide with the realisation of what he has just done. Before Neil can get a word out, Todd jumps up from the bed, and runs out the door.

He runs through the dorms. He runs down the stairs. He runs away as tears well up in his eyes. He had ruined it. He had ruined everything. Neil was probably up there telling everyone. Telling everyone what he was, what he had done. He couldn't bare to imagine the outcome. He would be kicked out of Welton for sure. Todd keeps running until eventually he reaches the doc where he and Neil had gone to run his lines for the play. Oh god, he had made a huge mistake. Why can't he control himself? Why can't he be normal and like girls just like everyone else. He was a disappointment. To himself, to his friends. To everyone.

Tears were streaming down his face now as he sat, feet dangling off the edge. He pressed his hands to his eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

He can't hear the footsteps getting closer to him on the doc. A hand rests on his shoulder.

"..Todd?"

It was Neil.

Todd can't face looking up at him. "I- I'm sorry, I'm so s-so sorry!" Todd's voice cracks, as he is trying to hold back the sob bubbling in his throat. Neil pulls him into his chest and wraps his arms around him. "Its okay Todd, its okay," Neil's voice is enough to break him. Todd buries his head into Neil's chest and lets out a sob.

After a few minutes the sobbing dies down, and Todd finally picks up the courage and looks up at Neil through teary eyes.

"I'm r-really sorry, I shouldn't have done something like that, especially to you. It's okay if you're gonna report me I'll completely understand and I-"

Before Todd can say anything else Neil leans in and kisses him. Todd's eyes grow wide, but eventually he relaxes into it.

Neil eventually pulls away and looks at Todd with a smile, wiping a leftover tear from his eye. He swings his legs over the side of the doc as well and pulls Todd into his side.

"I think I know something you can write about."