lily--of-the-valley

[lily--of-the-valley]

If you are scrolling through Tumblr trying to distract yourself from something you don’t want to think about, or you’re looking for a sign. It is going to be okay. Just breathe. You are alive and you matter. 

[lily--of-the-valley]

It was not the feeling of completeness I so needed, but the feeling of not being empty.

Jonathan Safran Foer / Everything is Illuminated (via bnmxfld)

[lily--of-the-valley]

ewan mcgregor in trainspotting, 1996.

[lily--of-the-valley]

by Mehran Djo

[lily--of-the-valley]

M

[lily--of-the-valley]

You haven't seen addiction

Until your heart is racing and you're snorting lines even when you promised to stop after a gram

You haven't seen addiction

Until you've inhaled from a glass pipe enough times to be hearing voices and shadows all night long

You haven't seen addiction

Until you crash your car while high on bars and stumble out in a blur

You haven't seen addiction

Until you're shooting up while sitting on the bedroom floor praying you don't miss this time

You haven't seen addiction

Until you forget who you are

Until the only thing you think about

Is that next high

That next shot

Next line

Next pill

Next hit

I have felt oblivion

And I have lived in Hell

You haven't seen addiction

Until your mind has lost itself

To itself

[lily--of-the-valley]

Dear addict,

You are not the pill you just swallowed or snorted

You are not the glass pipe and that smoke in your lungs

You are not the bottle of liquor in your hand

You are not that liquid or tab on your tongue

You are not those mushrooms you eat

You are not the cigarette you inhale

You are not the white lines cut on the table

You are not the spoon you heat with a lighter and the rig in your arm

- You are not an addict. You are just hurting. Pain doesn't last forever. Please hold on.

[lily--of-the-valley]

White lines and white lies Kisses that feel like hunger And hands that feel like fire This isn't love, this man in my room This is the game I know all too well Its play pretend High for days on end Same songs on repeat Echoing in our heads Cigarette smoke and car rides Days become nights And weeks become a blur At least I'm not heating up a spoon And clenching a rig in my hand Shaking as my body craves the Devil To calm my demons But this is the same game Five years ago, I let this powder in And here it is again Calling me as I lay down with bloodshot eyes Calling me back to my Heaven But now it's not the same as before It will never be the same again I need more, I crave more I can't get the high I remember so long ago I know this I know I won't get it But I still cut this powder up And numb my mind The madness is always saying: This time. This time. - Oblivion is right here

[lily--of-the-valley]

Shades of cool // Lana Del Rey

[lily--of-the-valley]

g_eazy Early morning video shoot... dropping another one tonight. It’s about that time!!! So it begins...

[lily--of-the-valley]

[lily--of-the-valley]

Cause lately I've been dealing with the loneliest nights, trying to see another day alive has been my only fight. I did this alone, I'm doing that alone, I do it all alone, so when I fall, I fall alone.

— Colicchie

[lily--of-the-valley]

I try and mask the pain but it only made it worse. When I finally hit a point to where the drugs no longer working. I'm killing myself slowly and I just wanna feel some freedom. My thoughts are paralyzed as I'm battling these demons. I use to tell myself that I'd be better off dead. I stopped listening to the voices that are inside of my head. I wanna change.

— Colicchie – Drug Addiction 2

[lily--of-the-valley]

And it's at that breaking point

Because for the first time

I actually miss being clean

When I was clean, I could do or at least try to do my hobbies

And think more on matters that are important to me

Even though I woke up craving

Or woke up hurting

If I got the willpower to do so, I could find something that brought me joy, however small

And get pulled into that

Now back in this addiction

I am numb, I feel nothing

I do nothing

I thought that that's what I wanted or needed

Because I didn't want to be sober and feel the pain, feel anything that hurt

But I feel bad while high now

I am so numb that I feel bad

I used to think being numb was good

But not now... it's not feeling

Not feeling alive

You can't live if you're numb to Life

- Its being dead, but your heart is still beating.

[lily--of-the-valley]

[lily--of-the-valley]

[lily--of-the-valley]

Stop betraying yourself

Stop forgetting who you are

"This is the last time"

Last time, that's a lie

I want it to be true

But you keep giving it control

These drugs have stopped serving you

But you feel like you still need them

- I am stronger than this. Let them go.