little-big-boo-and-a-rat

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

[Broken Hero playing in the distance]

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Hera Hwang's past // OS

Title : brain damage

Notes : this OS tells a bit of the backstory of my MC, Hera Hwang ; i thought it'd be good to share it if i want to keep posting about her. however, i am currently writing a long fanfiction about Hera's life at Hogwarts in which we slowly discover her past between some fights with the ashwinders and flirts with Poppy Sweeting. if you rather discover her past in a fanfiction, don't read this OS !

also, english isn’t my first language, please remember that when you read ! and a big thank you to my amazing best friend @little-big-boo-and-a-rat who beta read this when i wrote it in the middle of the night months ago <3

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What a strange thing it is, to wake up with no past.

When your mind is foggy after a long nap or a particularly restorative night's sleep, memories quickly come flooding back. First you become aware of the pain in the back of your neck, caused by the uncomfortable position you've assumed in your sleep ; then you remember how you went to bed, the last thing you did before that and the things you have to do now. It's fast, you barely notice it. And above all, there's no need to really remember who you are, because it's a knowledge that never left you, that's as natural to you as breathing, that you don't pay attention to anymore.

But when she wakes up, nothing comes at all.

The first thing she sees is the sky. She contemplates it for a long time, mind empty, not even noticing this emptiness. After what could be hours, a bird starts singing, somewhere around her, and it's like this melody reminds her of her own existence, reminds her that she's somewhere, that she's someone - and that she doesn't know where nor even who.

She straightens up, sits down. Next to her is the sea. It's beautiful. Grand, clear, deep. She doesn't recognize it.

It doesn’t worry her at first. Paying attention to the present is hard when your mind is devoid of any past. Minutes pass without any thought.

A bizarre feeling appears in her stomach, begins to dig into it.

Where is she ?

Where is she, where is she ?

Years later, when telling this story to Sebastian, she'll say that it was as if she had just been born. As if she had no life before that beach. As if she had appeared here as a kid, with no story to tell. It is the best way she'll ever be able to explain it.

Fear slowly grows inside her. Even that fear, she cannot explain it. She isn’t able to explain anything. She just knows something isn’t right.

Where is she, where is she ? Who is she ?

How long does she stay here, trying to search her mind, trying to remember her name, how she got there, where she should go now ? That, she'll never be able to tell. Perhaps hours again. Perhaps all of this happened in less than a minute. She doesn't move, looking all around her, trying to find someone or something that could help her memories to come back while a deep, sharp fear runs into her entire insides now.

Until her last day on earth, she will be afraid of the void, the black hole she saw in her head that day. She'll hold on to her memories, even the saddest ones, playing them in her mind like a movie, to make sure it never comes back. Whatever happens, she doesn't want to be empty ever again.

At some point she starts crying. She discovers the sound of her own voice.

It was terrifying, she’ll tell Poppy. It was terrifying because I knew I was somewhere the day before, the hour before, and I couldn’t remember it. It’s a bit like… like when you have a melody stuck in the head but cannot remember its title. You know you know it, you know it must be somewhere in your head, but cannot bring your brain to remember it…

Soon, it's not the only thing she hears ; someone is coming, alerted by her cries.

The young woman asks her who she is, why is she crying, where are her parents. There is something reassuring in the softness of her voice, but the child has no answers to give.

I don't know.

She lets herself be taken to the small village, breathing heavily. In every house, she tries to recognize hers, but all she sees is the void.

They ask her a lot of questions, and she answers the same thing to all of them.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't remember anything.

People look at her strangely. It will take her years to understand that it was her white hair taking them aback. The hair of the devil, Mr Pryor once will tell her. Hair that makes me think of the stars ! will exclaim Amit with a smile.

I've learned later that my story sort of became a local legend in this village, she'll tell Ominis.. People talk about me to tourists and stuff. Everyone apparently finds it fascinating.

Well, I see that's your thing, then, he'll joke.

Eventually an adult with glasses (she doesn't notice if it's a man or a woman) sits next to her and says that they've found something in her coat. A necklace with a name on it.

"It's probably your name. Do you want to know it ? It's a very pretty name."

Now that I think of it, she'll tell Professor Fig, they had a really sweet voice. It was probably a woman.

She nods.

Her name is Hera Hwang.

You should try to sleep, they tell her after a while, we're taking care of everything, we'll find your parents, or give you a nice new home. But she's too scared of the void to sleep, too scared of waking up with no memories again.

People come and go, in their impeccable uniforms, sometimes smiling at her or giving her candies. They can never truly hide how odd they find her appearance, or how curious they are to know what happened to her.

There's apparently a small crowd of curious inhabitants in front of the office, because an angry woman keeps going outside to yell at them to leave, that it's not a show, that a kid's suffering isn’t something to entertain themselves with. Later, when thinking about this moment, Hera will feel grateful for that.

Probably because there is nothing else to inspect, someone decides to inspect the necklace a bit more, finds out there is a year written on it, on the edge of the empty medallion. It's so small that it's easy to miss it.

I think it's the year she was born, they say. That's when Hera learns that she is nine years old.

Nine years forgotten, nine years lost.

She falls asleep despite her efforts not to. They wake her up hours later to tell her she's going to go to the orphanage until they find her family, understand what happened to her, and she nearly cries of relief when she realizes that she remembers everything that happened since she opened her eyes next to the sea.

"It's a good place for children, you'll see"

She doesn't reply. She doesn't care.

The orphanage was so boring, she'll tell Natty. It's like they want you to have nothing to do but think about how miserable your life is.

What did you do after that ? They all ask.

After that, she tries everyday for years to remember her past, to remember something, to remember at least a small detail. Her mother's name, her father’s eyes, her favourite toy's color. She looks at every tree, every rock, every flower, every face to see if they ring a bell in her brain.

But nothing never comes. Today still, she'll tell them all, nothing comes. The Pryors arrived (hm! angrily groans Sebastian) and I kept trying to remember. Professor Fig arrived, and I keep trying to remember. But nothing never comes.

It's as if she had just been born.

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Born to play for the lore, doomed to choose Dimitri every single time

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

People are doing WHAT.

just found out that some people on here have a crush on Professor Fig or Professor Sharp and ship their MC with them. i am gonna throw up straight people you disgust me

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Sebastian when you then decide to ignore him :

Me : *trust Sebastian since the day we met, to the point of telling him all my secrets, help him in every thing he does even if that's dangerous, visit his sister to cheer her up, listen to his problems, let him crucio me cause I wanted to help him but couldn't cast it on him*

Sebastian : you are ignorant and also you don't care about helping me or Anne

Me :

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Would you rather read a role reversal au that is :

A- A true role reversal, as in Hua Cheng was the Crown Prince of Xianle and Xie Lian the street boy who becomes a ghost king, dying in the war.... (I'm also speaking about changes with the rest of the characters: Shi Shingxuan as the second ghost king for example.)

B- A role reversal in the "what if" sense. I'm speaking of a canon divergence au where we have the canon, Xie Lian as the Crown Prince of Xianle and Hua Cheng the cursed street boy, but something happens that changes their role and make Xie Lian into a Ghost king and Hua Cheng a god.

Tell me your thoughts !

Someone stop me before I give in to the urges to write a role reversal au and start crying blood because. Calamity Xie Lian.

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Someone stop me before I give in to the urges to write a role reversal au and start crying blood because. Calamity Xie Lian.

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

I'm going to need several lifetimes to heal from whatever no paths are bound is what the fuck has this fic done to me

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Going to read orv for the second time wish me luck

(I read the first lines I teared up this ain't looking good)

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

[emotional damage]

The Deer's Leap

When the star-less sky. When he leaps when. When rhe. The sky wjen he's starkightht when hes the.stars. 💔

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Utterly devastated.

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Alkaid you incorrigible self sacrificial bastard

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Just watched Xavier's 21 days card and I will never get over the fact it took them a fake dating trope to get together

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Someone take me now because the Sylus' trailer just dropped and those nEW CARDS OHHHHH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT.

I CAN'T LOSE MY SHIT ABOUT LOVEBRUSH AND THE NEXT DAY WITH LOVE AND DEEPSPACE HAVE MERCY MY BLOOD PRESSURE CAN'T HANDLE ALL THAT

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Hi the Lost Bloodline trailer got me manic and unwell

[little-big-boo-and-a-rat]

Why did nobody warn me Cael's route in the City at War event was going to bring me back Godheim PTSD

Because this

Already made me go "oh no. Oh no."

BUT THEN.

I could feel the growing dread. Those damn butterflies. Winter is going to become a personal trigger remember my words.

AND.

I THOUGHT SO HARD HE WAS GOING BACK IN HIS GASLIGHTING KING MODE BECAUSE I REMEMBER CAEL I REMEMBER GODHEIM.

My heart ? Stopped. Brain ? Stoned. Existence ? Lost.

MC HAD THE SAME THOUGHT AND SHE WAS STRONGER THAN ME BECAUSE IF MY MAN TURNED BACK TO THE SILVER KNIGHT I WOULD PACK MY BAGS AND NEVER DREAM AGAIN

All of this. Just for him to say he wiggled his magic fingers to fuck MC's dreams ??????????? Because he didn't feel right ???????? WHAT ABOUT MY THERAPY BILLS CAEL. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

So yeah this messed me up royally and you can't change my mind this was done intentionally. As if I would ever forget the emotional rollercoaster Godheim was, esteemed devs