littlebirdblog

[littlebirdblog]

Little Bird turned 7 today!

[littlebirdblog]

You told me you liked me best when i was skinny. It hurt. You knew my past with eating disorders. And at my skinniest in our relationship i was going entire days even a full week between eating anything. Id have a carrot tuesday, maybe a bowl of pasta friday. Wine on sunday. I couldnt afford to eat, and I didnt want to. But thats when you liked me best. Not in my body now, thats carried me across countries and through a pandemic. Not the body that carried your baby for 7 weeks, before losing the baby, and nearly my own life. My skinniest body was your favourite. That was when you found me most attractive. That was a lot of damage.

My body dysmorphia is off the charts. Never have i loathed my body this much. Knowing you dont like it either is terrifying. And hurtful. Ive been diagnosed with a chronic illness after losing a pregnancy and knowing i wont be able to get back the body you actually like eithout starving myself is really scary. My ectopic pregnancy nearly killed me and you refuse to see it as a baby. The inadequate feeling ive been experiencing at my own hand is now at yours as well. I don't want you to see me naked. I dont want you to touch me and feel how horribly disgusting my skin is, cellulite and sadness written all over it. Maybe then youll see youve made a horrible mistake in loving me. In choosing me. Maybe you see it already.

I apologized for being snappy, and for being a bitch. I told you I was trying not to be but that i was struggling. You said I was and that i should try to see a doctor. I dont know if youve even noticed the pullback youve had with me. Its not as affectionate, not as tender. Less cautious with my heart. When i look into your eyes i swear i see disguest and disappointment reflecting, though youd never admit it. You say you love me. But when I mention a baby, as we discussed, you said, "Maybe a cat instead." Less commitment. Less me. Less to keep you tied to me permanently. You say its just bad timing. Maybe its regret.

[littlebirdblog]

You’re not bad at anything

You’re just inexperienced.

Bad implies that you are inept or cannot obtain the skills to go good.

Inexperienced implies that you have a lacking knowledge that can blossom into expertise.

You’re not a bad writer

You’re not a bad player

You’re not a bad singer

You’re not a bad scientist

You’re not a bad artist.

Acknowledging inexperience isn’t bad, it’s realistic in the context of where you think your skill level is. It helps you grow.

So grow ^.^

[littlebirdblog]

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[littlebirdblog]

Simple Exercises to Get the Perfect Belly

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“Conscious Moontime! I started menstrual cycle awareness some months ago. And for me it’s really a time for reflection and processing difficult feelings. A lot of things come up and want to be revisited. It can be challenging.”

- Words and art by @arthesophia on Instagram

[littlebirdblog]

The publication “For Women Who Roar” needs help! I absolutely loved their first issue - so powerful and real.

https://ifundwomen.com/projects/forwomenwhoroar

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The very first poem I wrote for the book. From my upcoming book, She Dreams When She Bleeds: Poems About Periods to be released on Amazon on May 4, 2019.

Words and art by Nikki Tajiri @nikkitajiri on Tumblr and Instagram.

[littlebirdblog]

From my upcoming book, She Dreams When She Bleeds: Poems About Periods to be released on Amazon on May 4, 2019. Free Kindle eBook from May 4th to May 8th.

Words and art by Nikki Tajiri @nikkitajiri on Tumblr and Instagram.

[littlebirdblog]

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