littlesarcasticdemon

[littlesarcasticdemon]

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me to myself somedays: shadow dolus cant hurt you hes not real

The guy in question:

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You know there are days where I wake up and wonder if Brennan lee Mulligan is aware of the takahē I mean that flightless spherical bird was straight up thought to be extinct for almost 100 years then a group of them just show up in the year of 2023

But alas I’ll never know

[littlesarcasticdemon]

I mean that’s up to you, because they apparently were in my dream but you know I kinda am unsure if they would be okay with it. but if they were chill with it the reason they took so long to be found was bc there was definitely rats in the cabin so George was getting his favourite food so he wouldn’t be whining as much

I just woke up but I needed to share

So I had a dream where Luke stole his dad caduceus instead of that whole thing in lightning thief and it’s just been like under his bunk bed at camp for the past three days then when Percy arrives (pretend there wasn’t time between those events ig) Percy’s just like what the fuck why does it feel like everything is in disarray so instead of lying mf just pulls it out of seemingly nowhere and he just does a lil giggle Apollo is just minding his business looking over at his kids at camp when he sees this and starts cackling bc his brother finally get what he felt when his cows were stolen then suddenly Hermes appears at camp and full names Luke and starts trying to give Luke a lecture like not wanting to see his father attempts to book it outa there with the caduceus hemes sprints at him and and barrels him over and wrestles the caduceus from his son calmly gets up and pick Luke up by the scruff like a wet kitten then leaves

Anyway anyone got a fic where Luke steals his dads caduceus

[littlesarcasticdemon]

I just woke up but I needed to share

So I had a dream where Luke stole his dad caduceus instead of that whole thing in lightning thief and it’s just been like under his bunk bed at camp for the past three days then when Percy arrives (pretend there wasn’t time between those events ig) Percy’s just like what the fuck why does it feel like everything is in disarray so instead of lying mf just pulls it out of seemingly nowhere and he just does a lil giggle Apollo is just minding his business looking over at his kids at camp when he sees this and starts cackling bc his brother finally get what he felt when his cows were stolen then suddenly Hermes appears at camp and full names Luke and starts trying to give Luke a lecture like not wanting to see his father attempts to book it outa there with the caduceus hemes sprints at him and and barrels him over and wrestles the caduceus from his son calmly gets up and pick Luke up by the scruff like a wet kitten then leaves

Anyway anyone got a fic where Luke steals his dads caduceus

[littlesarcasticdemon]

Come join the group where we just cry about our love being at war

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this post is dedicated to my mutuals who are still my mutuals despite the horrors

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Rip same we are united in our writers/artists block like why did I have to get both at the same time this time(´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥)

hey gang hows it goin

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A year and a bit on and man is still rolling insane

That moment will live rent free in my brain forever

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We’re back in the goddamn building fucking hell

Nooooo my lover (ao3) has died

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Are u kidding we’re back here what am I supposed to do

Edit: I just managed to open a fic to whole work it’s 700k I think I’m good now

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we're on hour five people this is so fucked I've written 7k since this started when is my wife coming back from the dead

Nooooo my lover (ao3) has died

[littlesarcasticdemon]

Definitely us

who suffered more: jesus on the cross or ao3 users?

[littlesarcasticdemon]

Okay so we all know that moment in lightning their where Dio does his thing:

He turned to look at me straight on, and I saw a kind of purplish fire in his eyes, a hint that this whiny, plump little man was only showing me the tiniest bit of his true nature. I saw visions of grape vines choking unbelievers to death, drunken warriors insane with battle lust, sailors screaming as their hands turned to flippers, their faces elongating into dolphin snouts. I knew that if I pushed him, Mr. D would show me worse things. He would plant a disease in my brain that would leave me wearing a straitjacket in a rubber room for the rest of my life.

Well I keep imagining a scenario where when he looks in is just straight up horrified for one reason or another be it Percy has gotten trapped in the past and so he’s getting all these flashes of things like Tartarus, or perc is like what are u trying to do and pulling an uno reverse by also jumping into dios mind too, or just you know that kinda bat shit stuff

Like is there a fic tell me if there is (°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥)

If not all goods if u want something done right you gotta do it urself and I’ll just rewrite a few things to try make it work in my 100k so far rewrite that I haven’t posted coz I know the moment I do I’ll stop writing it so just gotta wait till I’ve done atleast the first five 🥲 (two books down three to go)

[littlesarcasticdemon]

Na that last one tho like I can’t unthink it so very lovingly I’d like to say fuck you 😂 like this is going to be forcibly absorbed into how I perceive Will just like how somehow my head registers Apollo as looking like Yung Gravy and Hermes being Troy from epic the musical

Percy Jackson headcanons Part 3

-Percy has a siren’s voice. When he sings or hums, the attention of anyone in the vicinity is drawn to him.

-Also, Percy is definitely a huge Queen fan

-Annabeth has a spray bottle of salt water 

-Jason  listens to classical music (he just looks like he would)

-Reyna is a fucking demon at pillow fights for some unexplained reason

-Thalia likes strawberry Mentos 

-Also has a dart board up with a picture of Luke in the center (she consistently hits her mark)

-Leo sleeps in a fetal position 

-Frank likes stormy weather and stratus clouds 

-Also a frequent user of “gee willickers” or “golly gee”

-Will is an avid Beatles listener 

-Austin always has cork grease in his pocket 

-His favorite fruit is the mango as well

-Leo listens to Tyler, the Creator

-Frank occasionally listens to Viking music  (no explanation why)

-Nico loves analog horror 

-Will watches it with him

-Piper HATES harpies after her several encounters with them

-The Poseidon cabin occasionally gets flooded (via Percy)

-The Athena cabin is either really neat and organized or cluttered with blueprints, armor, etc.

-The Demeter cabin figured out how to grow blue raspberries 

-They also grow all kinds of weird fruit 

-Leo makes fake accounts on dating apps for shits and giggles

-Percy once threw an apple at Annabeth and she caught it. 

-The Apollo cabin’s walls are plastered with musical posters 

-Will smells like cough syrup 

[littlesarcasticdemon]

Dark!Percy Headcanons 2.0

In honor of our lord and savior, King Perseus We-Never-Got-A-Middle-Name-Dam-You-Rick-Riordan Jackson’s birthday, I have decided that it is time to answer your cries for more dark!Percy, and go all out. ( commanderperseus, topplerofkings, renza15, booksquoteslove, the-lizard-calls-at-midnight, and a handful of Anons have requested this.

This will be a second list of headcanons, and soon after, I’ll post a short fic if I can!

So, without further ado, here’s Dark!Percy 2.0. (You can find the original post here. And another post that has a few more, here. And all of my headcanons are on this page, here!)

He doesn’t yell when he’s angry, not anymore. If anything, he lowers his voice. There’s no running into battle screaming like a banshee, there’s him popping his neck and maybe letting out a dark laugh as he waits for the enemy come to him first.

But seriously, not even in arguments with his friends or fellow campers or mortals, he just doesn’t raise his voice. He clenches his jaw and speaks roughly and sometimes you have to hold your breath in order to hear him. It’s scary, like the calm before a storm. It’ll give you goosebumps and make you start muttering a prayer to whatever god you believe in.

He actually does go out of his way to be nice to like, little kids, or people who are scared. It’s not like he’ll immediately start goofing off and cheering them up, but there’s something very reassuring about looking into the eyes of the most powerful demigod ever, telling you they’re on your side.

After a while, Grover ends their empathy link. He insists it’s because the danger is over, and because Juniper doesn’t really want him having an empathy link when they get married. The truth is that Grover’s sick of being irrationally angry randomly, and even more sick of how he can’t sleep, or how he can barely function as a human if Annabeth is hurt. He cries for three nights about it, about approaching his best friend and saying that he can’t stand just the tiniest sliver of Percy’s brain in him, and that he needs it out.

People finally put the pieces together, realizing just having a small mental connection with Percy was destroying Grover, so what was it doing to the guy who was actually thinking it?

The smell of lemons, like Annabeth’s hair, relaxes him.

He can’t go to the dentist without being put fully under. Annabeth has to be in the room with him to make sure nothing happens when he’s entirely unconscious, and he’s always anxious weeks before an appointment.

He starts to understand Nico’s mood swings, and sometimes the two will talk for hours, about anything, including, but not limited to: mortality, the purpose of life, when McDonald’s will bring back the McRib again, what religion truly has it right, why Luigi is the lesser Mario brother, and which of their blonde significant others is truly more adorable.

If a guy flirted with Annabeth he rarely did anything. It obviously stemmed subconsciously from the fact he didn’t think he deserved her, but he claimed it was because she didn’t need him to control her. (Although, if a guy wouldn’t stop after she told them no, Percy was almost impossible to calm down. Or if they touched her.)

He knows that Paul is scared of him.

He tugs at his hair if he’s stressed and no one’s watching.

One of the most stupid, jarring things that changed, was that he couldn’t listen to music in headphones anymore. He got too paranoid, knowing he couldn’t hear it if something tried to sneak up on him. He could only listen if it was on a stereo.

He didn’t have to sleep with a night light, but when Annabeth insisted that she needed one, he was secretly grateful.

Chiron and he found a ground of mutual respect. They both worked together as referees for capture the flag, and took the same side at arguments at the ping pong table.

He played fetch with Mrs. O’Leary to get his mind off of things. (You would not believe how tiring it is to throw Hellhound sized dog toys.)

When he could tell Annabeth was going to have a nightmare (she’d start breathing harder and shaking her head while scowling) he’d wake her up, and make up some lie about ‘her hair tickling him’.

He didn’t teach swordfighting to any of the younger campers anymore. The only things he taught were like, major, private classes for people 20 years of age and older on how to use their powers.

He jumped off the dock where the campers had thrown him on his 16th birthday sometimes, lying at the bottom of the lake and thinking about stuff. Sometimes time got away from him though, and he had the whole camp and Camp Jupiter all freaking out because he hadn’t been seen in 13 hours, and they thought something had happened to him.

Annabeth cried so hard when they found him that he always wore a watch if he was going to space off, so that he could come back before an hour would pass.

He wins all staring contests. All of them. With anyone. Any time. Anywhere. People have a hard time looking him in the eyes.

He and Artemis actually kind of got along. It’s not like they were buddies or anything, but if the hunters came to visit she’d treat him like an old business colleague.

He and Apollo did not get along, after Apollo tried to bro-hug him and make a ‘yo mama’ joke, before stumbling backwards and asking what the hell happened to him.

Sometimes he’d stare at the mirror and have a hard time comprehending that was him.

A lot of the time he’d stare at his girlfriend, and have a hard time comprehending that she was his.

He literally didn’t have any damns to give when Calypso showed up. He was politely cold, because you don’t just curse his girlfriend while they’re in the deepest pit of hell and get away with it, no matter how bitter you’re supposed to be.

Reyna often Iris messaged him for advice on praetor decisions. That’s not to say she would listen to him, but he always had a different idea than everyone else she’d ask.

Tyson avoided him. Not in a super obvious way, but it was pretty clear to Percy when his clingy ‘little’ brother didn’t want to spend every waking moment he had at camp with him. (They still did a lot together though, and Percy always managed to be extra patient those days).

He and Annabeth don’t fight much, actually. Argue about stupid, trivial things that they both know isn’t actually serious? Yes. Play fight with tickling and trying to make the other one say ‘I love you’ first? Uh huh. But actual, real life, normal couple spats, where they’re both actually angry at each other? Not really.

He always feels extra bad when he accidentally hurts someone. Like, if he’s playing basketball with some Apollo kids, and he completely-not-on-purpose elbows a teammate in the nose. It’s mostly just the surprised and scared stares from his fellow campers, because even if he didn’t mean it, he’s already scary enough without injuring some friends.

Movie theaters freak him out.

His most common nightmares are as followed: Losing Annabeth in any way, Gabe, the gods turning on him, his mom being hurt or sad, falling into Tartarus again, Luke, and drowning.

He gets the curse of Achilles again, after the gods recruit him to go on pretty much all of the quests so that no one else has to. People were kind of worried, because no one had ever gotten it twice, but it worked just fine, and he actually slept better and was less paranoid with it.

Hades and he become pretty close, because Hades knows Tartarus, and he offers Percy advice on how to forget hell.

He laughs when he kills a particularly arrogant monster. A kind of scary, worrisome, breathy, sort of evil laugh. It can send chills down anyone’s spine.

He spends a lot of time apologizing to his mom. Sometimes for when he was such a pain in the ass as a little kid, sometimes for when he disappeared forever, sometimes for when he couldn’t come home, sometimes just because he was so sorry that she got stuck with him.

He says please and thank you like a robot, but he never forgets to.

Annabeth cuts his hair. She’s allowed around his face with scissors, unlike most people.

Sometimes (and he hates to admit it) he has fun when he scares monsters. Popping out behind them and saying ‘boo!’ in a dark voice, staring expectantly at them as they quiver in their scales since they know they’re going to die, sometimes pinning them against the wall and holding them there for a second too long before killing them. Whatever it is, he somewhat enjoys the fact that what he was scared of, is now scared of him.

When the gods wanted to build a monument for him next to Hercules, he was so against it that he was probably willing to fight Zeus in order to keep it from happening.

He was pissed at Athena for how she treated Annabeth when she was having her identity crisis, but when she informed him that she approved, they finally reached a common ground of ‘we really only care about Annabeth’.

He didn’t tell anyone about how he could control all liquids, not just water, but people started to guess it after he’d pretty much killed a monster from the inside out by clenching his fist. (His friends were in mortal danger, he didn’t give a damn that it was immoral and unnatural.)

On his birthday, he always ignores the fact that it’s his birthday, and only calls it his and Annabeth’s anniversary. He always tries to do something big, like, he took her to Disney World once, and another time they tried to go to every museum in the city before the sunset, or he’d surprise her with something super awesome that she’d be busy with all day. If he didn’t, then he’d think only about the friends who died on his 16th.

[littlesarcasticdemon]

A SoM AU in which Polyphemus invites the entire family to his wedding. Percy arrives on the island and the first thing he sees is Poseidon drinking wedding cocktails.

Poseidon: Percy…

Percy: Father…

Poseidon:… please tell me you aren't wearing these old rags to your brother’s wedding *sips his piña colada*