llulichu

[llulichu]

[llulichu]

“i am changed”, and yet, there you are. the same.

you are not changed. you’re just alone.

[llulichu]

i’ve had this worm in my head that’s been itching to read, so i bought the Game of Thrones books ..

i’m excited to read again, i feel like i’ve lost a lot of my motivation to read in recent years. i used to be able to read books like nothing. i would read one, and then look for the next ! nowadays, it’s hard for me to read books if i know i’ve got other things i can do, getting an easier dopamine fix ..

i’ve tried to limit my short form content consumption, it just gets a little hard when i’m stressed or having a hard time. which, i shouldn’t use as an excuse, but i’m trying my best. i’ve been playing more strategic games, and solving more puzzles lately. hopefully this is a good start. i eventually want to start learning a language, whether it be asl, or spanish. i hope that this helps me train my brain and focus on learning.

i love online spaces, but short form content seems to have only done harm to my brain, and i would like to fix it. it’s especially worse because i have adhd and haven’t bothered to actually “take care” of it.

fanfics are really nice, and i used to read a ton when i was a tween, into my later teen years, but i stopped reading them. probably because i prioritized my actual, growing relationship. i started to read them again, mostly just because i feel like reading. so i figured i’d buy myself books .. and i like having the whole series when it comes to having books so .. i got all of them.

wish me luck ^^ ! 🍀

[llulichu]

i haven’t had a consistent online friend in forever, so i get kind of nervous messaging my mutuals anymore :”)

[llulichu]

time for my weekend!

this week was so full!

full of work, sweat, steps, and tears!

i’ve gotten over 20k steps every day since saturday, and i’m BEAT! this weekend is supposed to be nice, though! i am going to go grocery shopping, go out to eat with family (as mentioned previously in a different post), and hopefully nothing else! hahaha

i have no idea what i’m going to wear, i want to dress cute, but also comfortable .. but i also want to like, impress my younger cousins, haha. i want them to think i’m cool so bad!

i’ll figure it out !

[llulichu]

certified appledash enjoyer

[llulichu]

i’ve been sooo in the mood to read lately … all but one of my books is packed. i might just reread it TT

[llulichu]

thinking about everyone that loved me before i loved me .. eternally grateful for everything ..

[llulichu]

i love having friends so much .. they teach me everything.

they are my everything.

[llulichu]

this week has already been so emotionally draining, i’m so tired! i think that i should try and get my “weekend” chores done earlier so that annie and i can just chill on our days off. we have plans with my family to go out for dinner on friday. my cousin is getting me drinks.

my head feels so dizzy and heavy today. i think im overwhelmed and tired.

[llulichu]

a friend of mine and his partner had a baby last month, and she looks so much like her mama! i can’t stop thinking about how we all get our features from our relatives and how we all look like someone that loved us before we knew it. it’s just so cute to think about.

[llulichu]

happy tuesday (for me, sunday for the rest of the world)

yesterday was kind of a shit show, but today is looking so much better. i am so ready to get home, shower, cook, and go to bed. i need a quiet evening to myself.. i love thinking alone.

i’ve had a few big time rush and jonas brothers songs stuck in my head … boy band week

[llulichu]

i haven’t really been wearing anything cute lately. i feel like i’ve kind of lost the motivation to dress cute so i want to fix that, but i don’t like how anything is fitting me right now! i can’t even alter my clothing because all of my sewing stuff is packed away :”) so i’m gona have to deal with what i’ve got and crazy style it. which, of course, isn’t bad. i love my clothes. i just wish i knew what to do with them lately ..

i plan on cleaning today, my room is messy and my living room need some love. i also need to pack and cleaning just makes it tons easier. then, i’m already in the zone, and i’ll be able to get it done.

this week kind of took ann out so she is resting. i don’t really need her to do anything, anyway. i convinced her to take an extra day off this month because she gets overwhelmed and frustrated with work a lot easier than i do. poor girl ..

i’ve made an accomplishment this week, and not a lot of people know about it. back in 2020, i was a senior in high school, and the pandemic really took it out of me. i was living with my parents at the time and it was not a healthy living space. i was also on birth control for my periods, which took a huge toll on my body, all on top of an eating disorder. i gained at least 40-50lbs from 2020-2022. and after i moved out, i genuinely had no idea, really, that i had gained that much! anyway, all of this to say, that i’ve lost nearly all of that weight, and i’m so proud of myself!

i’ve finally made it to my goal weight, and nobody knows! besides a few key people, of course. lol.

anyway, i’ve probably got a lot to do.

[llulichu]

don’t know if you have heard (or even care), but dead by daylight is adding rick, michonne, and daryl (as a skin) to the game and i am beyond excited. i might just rewatch it because i’m so excited about it hahaha!

[llulichu]

going grocery shopping with my wife today ! we found out how to use a whole chicken throughout the week so we’ve been doing that lately. the list is looking like we are getting a whole chicken, heavy cream, cheeses, a few veggies, and a couple other things to go with our dinners.

we just renewed our lease, but we are still searching for a new apartment. i’m not sure how long it will actually take us to find a new place or save up for it, but i’m excited. we’ve looked at a few places and have one that we really, really liked. hopefully they still have units available when we are ready to move!

tomorrow, we plan on going on a date. we’ve been meaning to go to a bird sanctuary in portland so i’m hoping it’s open for us. i also wanted to plan a mini picnic at the park near our apartment, i’ve been needing to tan, haha. i may get us a few fruits while we grocery shop, but we’ll see.

i just started my period, so sad. i’m kind of bloated and in a little bit of constant pain and discomfort, but i’m very happy to be with ann. she’s so uplifting when hard times come around, she really knows how to help me stay grounded.

i haven’t seen kat in a while, i really miss her. i’ve been packing so i don’t really want anyone around the apartment, kind of in shame. i just feel like it doesn’t feel like home anymore, i feel so empty here now. it’s so weird to see the walls that were once covered become so empty. it’s just a little sad, i think.

on a lighter note, i get paid three times this month, i am hoping to be able to save at least 50-65% of each of those for the new apartment. i want to be able to save at least $5,000 for the new place. just to keep us afloat for a while. i want new furniture and things, so i figured i would save for that while i can rather than waiting for when i move in and am broke!

anyway, i have been wanting to make more friends and connections but i feel odd doing it. i am a manager at my job right now so making friends at work feels almost predatory, (or at the very least, unprofessional) but i have no other places where i can make friends! everyone has their own friend groups and kind of keeps to themselves nowadays. only a little sad, haha.

love you! be kind, if anything.

[llulichu]

i saw bw, sws, and ptv !

one of the best nights of my life, the best show i’ve been to so far. this was so emotionally healing for me, ptv has been so huge in my life since i was a tween.

i’m so glad i finally got to live my dream. seeing them perform songs that i’ve been wishing to hear live was such a mind blowing experience for sure, i’m definitely going to carry this with me for the rest of my life.

i cried, i screamed, i danced (moshed) and it was amazing. my entire body aches like crazy hahaha

best day of my life.

(especially because it was with my sister)

[llulichu]

this is such a vent post but omg i’m just so frustrated.

my lease is up in the next month and i have tried talking to my roommates (of three years) about it on multiple occasions and they told me they just hadn’t gotten to see the new terms and would look into it, great!! we’ll talk about terms once you look through them. i thought nothing of it. i know i’m busy, i can’t expect them to drop everything to look at our lease that we have only discussed renewing before. but i didn’t think they were just planning on not renewing our lease ??

i feel so taken aback and like. almost pushed over. idk how to explain it. like it came from underneath me. why wouldn’t you communicate that beforehand? there was zero communication on their end and i feel so like. embarrassed and almost betrayed. i feel like they disrespected me here big time. maybe i’m just victimizing myself but it really didn’t make me feel good.

i feel like after a point in time, we just started resenting each other. and it’s just so,, hard to face… i guess.

my stomach is in knots. and it’s not that i don’t want my own space, i just really didn’t expect it. i feel that, that is valid. idk. i feel like im being a little pissy about it … maybe i’m just sensitive or smthn

so i’m looking for a new apartment. ann and i probably needed this. which is why it’s happening. or something like tht hopefully,, at least at our new apartment we can watch tv a little louder,, that’s so nice.

i’m sure hachi will really enjoy it. i plan on getting her new cat trees and all sorts of stuff for her new home. hopefully i can get a new couch, too lol. i rly would like nicer furniture. i can’t wait to decorate my new home …

especially since annie and i plan on looking into driving ! oh man, that’ll be nice. yayy #socool.