local-new-kid-super

[local-new-kid-super]

Raccoon/Eric Cartman x Hero!New Kid

"Power couple"

Featuring: Eric Cartman, the New Kid, and guest star Liane Cartman!

Warnings: Coerced relationship, I guess abuse of power if you read into it, but no one takes The Raccoon seriously so I wouldn't take it to seriously, New Kid.

Synopsis: Leader of the Raccoon and Friends franchise, The Raccoon, has called you on your comm (home phone) to tell you of a super last minute meeting. However, it's quickly becomes obvious he's only invited you, and not because of an 'emergency'.

A/N: I'm back!

"Ah, New Kid. About time, please take a seat at my impressive new table set up." Eric Cartman, donned in Raccoon garb, motions to the second folding table he managed to get into his mom's basement. Admittedly, two tables is more.impressive than one, but you can't help but feel like the Freedom Pals probably have a nicer set up as far as a meeting table. "Hey! I said sit down, god, are you fucking deaf?" He kicks the metal chair next to him, and you take a seat awkwardly. Even with no one else around, he insists at sitting at the head of the table.

"Where is everyone?" You ask, adjusting your hero mask as you glance around the empty cave/basement. "I mean, didn't you comm for an emergency meeting?"

"Not quite, New Kid. I'm afraid this was a ruse." He puts a clawed glove to his mask, grinning smugly. "Thats right, this is a private meeting with the Raccoon himself, I'm sure you're honored but hold your thanks." You roll your eyes and remain silent.

He suddenly grows serious, folding his hands to intertwine while his lowers his brows. His elbows rest on the table, the air thick with tension. "However, this is still an emergency. The Freedom Pals have been real dickbags lately, New Kid. As I'm sure you've noticed, they recently got some decent coverage in the 'South Park Times' for finding that missing kindergartener in the park. It's stupid, of course, kid wasn't even kidnapped. Just wandered off like a fucking idiot-" He slams his hand on the table, but then takes a breath. "But, that's only part of why we're here. We need big moves, New Kid. Big changes."

Hopping from the creaky metal chair and hitting the floor with a 'thud', he grabs a rolled up piece of poster paper from a nearby cabinet, which you know to be his franchise plan. Unraveling it, it's filled with a web of movies and shows, including 'The Raccoon and Friends Civil war', 'Rise of Chaos', and 'Fastpass: a new beginning.' "So, what are you thinking?" You ask, leaning forward to look at the well crafted board. "Another miniseries, or maybe a Civil war? You seem to really like the block busters."

"I admire the tenacity, New Kid. Your drive to make the franchise a shitload of money is one of the reasons you're perfect for the team, but those ideas-" He leans in, hand dramatically over his heart like he's feigning pity. "Are fucking stupid. Stop talking and listen to the genius plan I've already concocted." You just sigh, frown spreading as you lean back. Your chair makes a squeak, heavy with your now relaxed posture of nonchalance.

"A power couple. All great franchises have them." He grabs a few poorly but out comic panels from his pocket, crumpled and stained with what looks like 'Cheesy Poof' dust. You wince in disgust. "Batman and Catwoman." He holds up a panel. "Superman and Lois Lane," Another. "Aquaman and fish-"

"What?" You cut him off. "Aquaman isn't in love with fish, he's just from Atlantis?" You tilt your head in confusion.

"What? Obviously he's fucking the fish, he can talk to them." He scoffs. "What normal guy who can talk to fish, and spends all his time with fish, and has no women in his comics, wouldn't be with a fish. A gay fucking fish and Aquaman." He says this heinous stuff as if it's the most reasonable thing in the world. "Just stop interrupting, New Kid. I pay you for hero work-"

"You don't pay me-"

"SHUT up! Jesus christ, its like having Kyle in the cave god-" he rubs his forehead, then takes another dramatic, calming breath. "What I'm saying is, Power couples. We need one. And i have run all the numbers." He makes some fake bleeps and bloops at the cardboard super computer with his Toshiba Handi-book taped on. "Compatibaility wise, you and me are the perfect match. See, I'm the leader, and you're the new kid. It would bring more attention to your pwrsona while keeping me at the front." He turns back to you as he clicks off the Handi-book. "I'm sure you're thrilled, I'm an absolute stud." He pouts out his lips in an attempt to make you more... enticed?

"What? Cartman, no, I'm not gonna date you!" You exclaim, pushing your chair back a bit. "You're like, a dick all the time! To everyone."

He seems genuinely shocked you're turning him down, immediately flying into a typical Cartman tantrum. "What? I speak the truth, what happened to free fucking speech!" He rants. "And you've been given a lot of special treatment, by the way. I let you multi-class, I gave the the number for the direct line to the Raccoon cave!"

"You use it to send me pics of you that you think made you 'look ripped'. Is this actually about the franchise, or have you been trying to hit on me for a while?"

"If anything, you're crushing on me!" He sputters, pointing an accusatory finger at you. "I mean, you're the one who likes all of my totally ripped pics. That's creepy. And you're drinking from a bottle with my face on it." He points to the 'officially' licenesed Racoon and friends bottle.

"You gave these to everyone-"

"Just say yes!" He sputter, his face actually a bit red, though you're sure part of that is from anger. Cartman doesn't beg, he manipulates, so to see him actually want something he can't have is amusing. "Just- just say yes, and we'll make a ton of money, and everyone will want to know all about our relationship. We can be on magazines, and I'll even take you on one monthly sponsored Raccoon and Friends trip to Casa Bonita. How's that sound?"

"No."

"What the FUCK? What's wrong with that, it's Casa Bonita?!"

"That sounds like a date." You argue. "Why can't you date one of the other heroes for your power couple?"

"I'm not gonna be with Fastpass, I hate comedians. Kyle's a Jew, gross, Clydes a crybaby bitch, and Craig is actually gay which would make it weird. I'm not asking that much, we pose for pictures, say we're dating, and get famous!" He exclaims, fists balled up as he glances away for a second. "... and hold hands in school all the time in front of the guys." He mumbles under his breath.

"What?"

"What?" He responds. "First your deaf, now you're hearing things. Look, I offered to be nice, but now you're pissing me off, New Kid. We date, or you're out of the franchise. Clearly you're not as dedicated as I thought you were if you can't see the financial genius behind this plan." He tilts his chin up, posing with nonchalance in an attempt to feel like he has the upper hand. "And if you're not a hero, you're a villain. You really want to make me have the team kick your ass? You wanna be all chummy with Chaos, cause that's what's gonna happen."

You frown, suddenly feeling discomfort creep up your spine, the basement/Raccoon cave feeling more claustrophobic suddenly. You heard Cartman has done some awful things, but he's always laid off of you for the most part. You guess his apparent crush must've been why. You just moved here. You need friends, your home life is shitty. You can't risk pissing him off and losing the little hero team you actually like being on despite it all. "Fine." You mumble. "Okay, you win."

He perks up, throwing a free arm over your shoulder. "Great! I knew you'd see it my way, New Kid. Come on, we'll take some photos for press releases, I'm sure they'll be calling soon, then hit the town. Get some Ice Cream and flex our power-couple status." He immediately grabs your hand, but not in a way that reads as particularly affectionate, more possessive. Its an iron grip, and the slight claws of his gloves leave little red marks on your palm. You just sigh.

"Hey meeeeeehm!" He yells up the stairs. "I need some money!"

"What for, pookums?" Liane calls down, chipper as ever from her spot upstairs.

"I'm in a power couple mehm, god!" He groans. "Just bring down some money, were going out! And take some photos to Staples and have them make copies!" He screeches, urning back to you and shaking his head. "Fucking bitch..."

Meanwhile, upstairs, Liane sigs for some money from her purse. "Hmm hmm hmm, how nice! I'm so glad Eric asked out his little friend!" She hums to herself. "I told him to go for it, and he did! I'm rubbing off on my little Eric!"

[local-new-kid-super]

Merry Christmas! Look who arrived!

Friendly reminder that this holiday season, you're not frickin' emo.

[local-new-kid-super]

Literally Cartman wants the new kid so bad in fractured but whole. The special treatment? The him always saying they're giving him puppy dog eyes. Jesus.

[local-new-kid-super]

Little things Professor Chaos does for New Kid! Reader after a battle.

Sorry this took me a bit, been busy!

☆ First things first, Professor Chaos knows the most important part of turning the tides in battle is minions. Taking care of your legion is important, so before his Chaos army packs up after a fight, Butters is going to be checking up on each of his Chaos army members. He's picked up minimal spanish from his time as Mantequilla, so he checks on his hired workers and the dogs wrapped in tin foil. Catch him handing out tinfoil covered juice boxes and ham sandwiches, or little 'Princess Kenny' brand bandaids.

☆ You're a hero, so he's not technically supposed to patch you up, but that doesn't mean he wants to hurt you! He'll avoid directly attacking you, and might occasionally drop a healing item or two onto the floor.

☆ He admires you so much! You're a real hero, not just someone doing it for money or fame (like a certain Trash-panda themed hero). A part of him worries you could never really be his friend because of his love for chaos, but, surely if you knew what he'd been through you'd understand.

☆ "You're impressive moves, and good looks are no match for Chaos, New Kid!"

"Good looks? Thats fucking gay, Chaos." Raccoon says, and Chaos founders.

"Aw geez..."

☆ You'll frequently end up 'kidnapped' and taken to the U-Stor-It for interrogation, but Professor Chaos seems to have no desire to figure out what Raccoon and Friends are actually up too.

☆"Mwahaha! Foolish hero, you've allowed yourself to get caught up in the chaos of battle! Now you're officially my prisoner." Professor Chaos cackles, a crack of lighting crosses the sky as he stops laughing and seems to grow a bit awkward. "Uh, I'm gonna interrogate you now, okay? Don't go anywhere, I gotta get my minions for back up-" About half an hour later, he's having you aid his 'villainy' by feeding carrot sticks to his sweet gerbil minions.

"So, new kid, what kind of... what kind stuff does a hero do when they have free time? You know, and who do they, uh, who do they hang out with?"

[local-new-kid-super]

Could you do the before + after battle headcanons with the New Kid and professor Chaos similarly to how you did the raccoon and friends and freedom pals ones?

SHIT I KNEW I WAS FORGETTING SOMEONE! OMG OF COURSE ILL DO THAT TMRW!

poor butters...

[local-new-kid-super]

Wendy and fem new kid bonding over girl things? The new kid actually enjoys being able to “let their hair down” around them so to speak

Sorry this took so long, I got off a south park kick and then HARDCORE back into one recently because FBW is on gamepass. Thanks for the request!

Platonic!Call-girl/Wendy x New-girl!Reader

☆ Wendy is thrilled to have another girl in town who gets her. It's not that she isn't close with Bebe, I mean, they are both instrumental in making lists on the committee, but after Bebe pulled that gun on her, Wendy worries she's a little bit of a loose cannon. Between her on and off relationship with Stan and dealing with Eric in school, this poor girl needs some stable classmates.

☆ She loves having you over to work on school work, she's class president and prides herself on being smart. Being the new kid can't be easy, and doing work to catch up to everyone in class is much harder given Mr. Garrison doesn't seem like he cares to teach. Expect lots of study hangouts, where she helps you with some class work and the two of you just chat.

☆ Wendy always asks for your input for the girls' committee lists. You might be new, but that doesn't mean you need can't have an opinion. She's also going to go over the old lists to make sure you understand the people in South Park. "Listen up, new Kid!" She exclaims. "That list was rigged, that's the old cutest boy list... there was a whole- a whole thing." She shakes her head. "All that to say Clyde isn't the cutest. Here, check this one-"

☆ Makeovers! For all her skills and talents, Wendy has been shown to be against things she thinks perpetuate beauty standards. Personally, she doesn't feel like makeup is good or bad really, but she has other stuff to worry about. She's the class president. Luckily; she has you, New kid! She's happy to let you apply some purple glitter or maybe a fun gloss on her face, just don't expect her to wear it everyday. She claims she "-Doesn't want to look like a clown hooker for her English presentation". If you teach her how to keep nail polish to the lines of her nails, she'd actually really like that. She'd roll into school with a nice purple or pink shade on her nails, shooting you a wave.

☆ If you're both superheroes, she's thrilled at the prospect of having another girl to fight with. Frankly, she hates that the freedom Pals stand for 'retribution with inclusion', but didn't even bother getting girl members. She Dislikes Raccoon and friends for more obvious reasons. She'll help you to learn hacking just like her, or if you prefer a more hands on fighting style, she'll be your guy, or gal, in the chair, surveying the security cams and radioing in all relevant data from a nearby rooftop while you complete a mission. She doesn't like the idea of sidekicks, you're a team. Two girls lifting each other up, while making super-boys cry. Plus; she's secretly been manipulating your follower count on Raccoonstagram to make it much larger than it would be normally. Your new, and shes felt alone before. Call-girl sees now reason that you should be any less popular out of costume than in.

☆ "Just hacked into the Raccoon and Friends, um, computer..." she mumbles, thinking back to the Toshiba handi-book that's taped to a cardboard box. "Anyways, looks like they've got a lead on some petty crime from the post office warehouse. Package thief." She chuckles. "Wanna bet we can handle it in half the time?"

[local-new-kid-super]

Fractured but whole just came to gamepass, so....

Mama's back.

[local-new-kid-super]

Ask are now on, I forgot I had to manually turn it on! 🌟

[local-new-kid-super]

Just thought I'd some of the new followers know I take requests, and I'll write for pretty much anyone in Craig's gang and Stan's gang, as well as most other obscure characters. I write for the Fractured But Whole personas too!

[local-new-kid-super]

Little things the Freedom Pals do for a New Kid!Reader during and after a battle.

Part one with Raccoon and Friends: ☆here☆

@everythingwasnormalhere, this part two was inspired by your comment!

Professor Timmy:

☆ Professor Timmy can't often get to you in a timely manner if dangers coming your way, but he makes up for it with his stellar ability to communicate via his mind. It's a lot harder for someone like Tupperware or Wonder-Tweak to yell across the battlefield and be heard amidst the heat of battle. However, seeing as he speaks in your mind, it's infinitely easier for him to warn you of an incoming attack or a more strategic maneuver to take down enemies.

"On your left, New Kid! Brace for impact, I'll provide assistance shortly."

☆ Professor Timmy likes to let you in on his plans first, even letting you be one of the first to see his incredible franchise plan.

"This will be the end to our struggles, if only the Raccoon and Friends agree to your terms..."

Tupperware:

☆ He's got some pretty intense armor, so a lot like Captain Diabetes, he's willing to rake a few hits for you in the battlefield. Just... not too many, he doesn't want to bang up his mother's Tupperware.

"Watch out New Kid, coming through with the Tupperware tornado!"

☆ He doesn't have any food or snacks to share after the battle, given that he's wearing everything you'd usually store food in. Luckily, he's got money, so post-battle if you wanna hang out, he'll gladly head to an arcade or take you to the Dispensary/KFC.

"I'm hungry, you hungry, New Kid? Let's get outta here."

"Ey! I want KFC to you son of a bitch! New Kid, get back here!" Raccoon yells.

Wonder Tweak:

☆ He's usually too focused on... tweaking out during battle to actually worry about healing teammates, but he's on it once the heat of the battle has died down. He'll check on professor Timmy and the others, his anxiety getting the better of him once hes no linger focused on his own survival. He'll patch you up, and try to calm you with the things he remembers Craig telling him (though he'd rather not talk about his Raccoon and Friends counterpart right now.)

"I-its gonna be okay, ah! Hold still, I'm gonna put on this band-aid, a-ah! Get a snack to heal, UNLESS YOU'RE ALLERGIC?!"

☆ He understands the importance of a support system, so whether you're an ex-member of Raccoon and Friends or just joined because of the causes message, he makes sure you have a space in the Freedom Pals base. He's got a corner where he goes to de-stress, and it's his personal space to fix himself up post-battle. He'll drag an extra bean-bag chair over for you, and offer to let you hold Stripe if he's got him for the night.

"Ack, here. He's great for after a big f-fight, he can sense i-inner turmoil!"

Toolshed:

☆ He's got an eye on you, always prepared to help, but... in all honesty, he just likes to watch you. Whether you're fierce and powerful or a little more of an assist type, he's always impressed by your ability to hold your own. He's gets a little more than flustered, but in the heat of battle he's actually less worried about complimenting you, hoping you'll just write it off as team members cheering each other on.

"Yeah! Sock it to them, New Kid! I'm here for you- we're here for you. The-the team is here for you, the Freedom Pals are, not me specifically-"

"Toolshed, keep your hormones under control during the battle, we must stay focused." Professor Timmy says, immediately causing Toolshed to turn green and move across the battlefield as far as possible from you.

☆ Please don't ignore him for any of the other guys, he's knows his powers are more tool-based and a little more generic, but he's not gonna feel very good about himself if you follow around Mysterion or heaven forbid, a member of Raccoon and Friends. He's still upset about Kyle not switching over. In order to prevent this, he makes sure you know what a good choice it was to be a member of this franchise instead. He'll show off there awesome base, and constantly mention how well the team did in battle, all in the hopes of keeping you around.

"I bet you never won a battle that quick when you were a Raccoon friend, huh? Not that you couldn't, I mean cause you had shitty teammates! Like... like Kite..."

Mysterion:

☆ He's technically a member of the Freedom Pals, but more often than not he works alone. He's usually described as mysterious, or creepy, even brutal, but the number one word you can use to describe him is 👏 PROTECTIVE 👏! None of the many bad guys that stalk the streets of south park are gonna get the jump on you, don't worry.

"Hey asshole!" A growly voice comes out from the shadows as a pounding sound hits the alley dumpster. "Get ready to feel the swift, ribbed fist of justice!"

☆ He's quick to depart post battle, not taking time to celebrate. He's got real justice to go serve, but... ever since you joined the team, he's been more hesitant to rush off. Still, doesn't mean he's great at figuring out how to socialize amongst the team. He just kind of... stands in the shade under the staircase that leads into the basement and broods. He kinda hopes you think it's hot.

"Oh, hey. Just thinking about giving those mob assholes what's coming to them..." He bites his lip, brows furrowed under his cowl as he tries to come up with a conversation piece that's not as harsh or violent as he uses with others. "I uh- did I ever tell you I have a sister? I think you'd like her..."

[local-new-kid-super]

Little things the Raccoon and Friends Squad do for a New Kid!Reader during and after a battle.

Raccoon:

☆ Shares food with you mid-battle, even his beloved honey-soaked sopapilla. He's pretty selfish on the field (as with everything else), so he doesn't share with anyone else. Expect the rest of the team to get pissy he's not sharing with them.

"Fatass, Captain Diabetes is literally collapsing, give him some fucking food!"

☆ Checks on you first after the battle, trying not to seem like he cares too much, but he's even willing to 'shed' his claws off for a moment because it's next to inpossible to bandage you up with them.

"The fuck?" He snaps, struggling to open up a band-aid pack with his sharp digits. "Fuckin' shitty Terrance and Phillip band-aids, these Canadians don't know anything about battle, New Kid."

Captain Diabetes:

☆ Stays right by your side, often in front of you. Most of his attacks are head-on, and he can take quite a few kid. Sweet Scott is more than willing to take a few hits for one of the few members of the franchise who are kind to him.

"Not to fear, new kid! No hits to tough for the power of diabetes!"

☆ Always asks for you to 'sidekick' for him. He loved being by your side when Cartman first had you partner up with him after joining the franchise. His desire to have a sidekick is a mix of it making him feel like a real, respected member of the franchise, and a slight fear if you hang out with the others, you'll realize he's kinda lame in comparison to guys like Raccoon, or heaven forbid you switch teams and meet Mysterion.

"New Kid, hey! Listen, if Raccoon assigns us partners today, will you be mine? I've even got some super snacks for us to share!"

Human Kite:

☆ Kite's always willing to provide aerial support, or pick you up to help you avoid an enemies attack. This of course pisses of Raccoon, who just gets laughed at when he takes a hit.

"Ey! Kite, you fucking traitor jew, save me! I'm the fucking leader!"

"Shut up, I couldn't lift your fatass if I wanted to! Hop on my back, New Kid."

"Ey!"

☆ He's got a bunch of little home remedies his mom gives him when he goes out to 'play', and even some packed food. After a battle, he's more than happy to plop down on the curb with you and laugh at Cartman crying post-battle.

"My mom made her special stew if you want some, it's cold as balls out here..."

Mosquito:

☆ To be honest, Mosquito can't do a whole lot to help himself, much less you, but he's gonna try and show off, just for you. Whether it means flying in and draining some enemy blood, or even taking a hit to the head because he's too busy flexing his barely visible arm muscles.

"Check it out, New Kid! I'm getting pretty ripped, bzz bzz!" He immediately gets clocked by an enemy, but please don't make fun of him crying 😥

☆ After battle, he's in charge of hydration, so he'll go around and hand out water bottles, and 'blood' for himself, which you've come to realize is kool-aid powder in sprite. He'll give you your water bottle, and hope you won't poke fun at his streaky tear marks and wobbling lip.

"H-heres a bottle, drink up for... for strength, bzz bzzzzzz." He's outright sobbing now.

Fastpass:

☆ Fastpass makes sure to crack extra jokes when you're hanging around, throwing away his respect for comedic timing to slip in a one-liner after every. Single. Hit.

"C-consider t-t-this ass-kicking e-expedited!"

"Did someone o-order t-this fist with s-s-same day delivery?"

☆ Fastpass is pretty much ready to take off after a successful fight, especially if it's the end of his patrol. Hop on his back, and he'll take you somewhere cooler than this storage facility you just whipped Prof. Chaos's ass in.

"L-lets go! I've g-got a coupon for City Wok, and I've got some post fight mu-mu-munchies!"

Super Craig:

☆ He's not really enthusiastic during battle, so if you get injured or knocked out, then he'll step in and fuck up the opposition. Otherwise, he's more than willing to ditch mid-battle and go doing something more interesting.

"This fucking sucks, new kid. Let's go get a slushy."

☆ He knows fighting can be pretty stressful from when he used to battle alongside Tweek, before the whole Freedom Pals incident, so he's happy to take you back to his house to distress with him and Stripe.

"Don't worry, Stripe. Me and the New Kid really showed those assholes not to mess with Raccoon and Friends. Now, give him a carrot new kid, he makes this real funny squeak..."

[local-new-kid-super]

Toolshed/Stan Marsh x GN!Reader

"Wiggin' Out!"

Featuring: Randy, Mysterion, Professor Timmy, and guest star LORDE!!!

Warnings: None! Just a bit of drinking and usual Randy shenanigans.

Synopsis: You have to make a suprise visit to the Freedom Pals hide out after a weird encounter with Mr. Marsh...

You're the New Kid, you work to protect the city because that's what heroes do. You look after the citizens, stopping robberies at City Wok and finding cat for some of the more... flamboyant members of the town. However, regardless of whether or not you work with Raccoon and Friends or The Freedom Pals, or even alone, you end up dealing with Randy more than the other citizens of South Park...

"Oh! H-hey, New Kid! I need to tell-you, urpppp..." Randy Marsh comes stumbling down the steps of his porch one night while you're trying to focus on patrol, and he puts his hands on his knees as he meets you height. "New kid, listen... I jus' wanna say, it's really fuckin' cool that you've got sssecret identity. It's important, doing good and shit-" He puts a hand on your shoulder. At least he's not actively fighting you about keeping his car keys again, he did a number on Scott.

"Thanks, Mr. Marsh, is there anything else you needed to tell me?" You ask, needing to either get back on patrol or get Mr. Marsh back into his house. He nods and stands fully, almost grave.

"Yes, I do need to tell you something, I'm glad you can tell." He looks of dramatically, and you can sense he's going to go on one of his Randy-Rants. "I understand the weight of a secret identity who does only good, and all the shit that comes with it. Having to sneak around, change outfits, hide money from fucking Sharon..."

"Sir, what are you-"

"That's right, New Kid. I am Lorde." He continues after taking another swig. "And *urp*, I'm willing to teach you, be your Mr. Miyagi, you just gotta help me out-" He stumbles over to his car, unlocking the back. You sign and post up, prepared to take his keys again, when he pulls something from the back seat. "Take ,y w-wig to the dry cleaners, I need full blow out f-for my next show. I'll start training you when you get back-" He chucks the wig at you with poor aim, and it just flops onto the ground beside you, now caked in stray hairs and snow. You pick it up with a gloved hand, sure to avoid touching your skin with it. Before you can even ask him if he'll pay you or tell him that's not what you do, he's back on his porch, asleep and mumbling "Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm Lorde... yeah..."

Reluctantly, you make your way over to the suburb in the northeast part of town, 'Dark Meadows', and make your way over to the Freedom Pals base. The Raccoon would kick your ass if he knew you were here, but frankly, you just want to get this wig handed off to someone before it gives you some sort of disease or infection.

Ringing the doorbell of Tupperware's house, you wait until a lady with her hair up in a red headband opens it, quirking a brow before nodding. "Oh, you must be one of Tolkien's hero friends! The boys are in the basement, refreshments are upstairs."

You nod, as as you approach the basement door with a nanny cam, you can feel a harsh shiver run down your spine, as if the cold hand of the reaper just smacked you right on the ass. Turning around, the caped crusader known as Mysterion is glaring at you from the shadowed corner of the Black family living room.

"State your business, Raccoon Friend." He spits, posture tense as if preparing for battle. Even if you don't pose a threat right now, chances are Mysterion will still kick your ass. You know how he can be. Putting your hands up in a sign of surrender, you shake your head rapidly.

"I just need to talk to Toolshed, that's all. I'm not here for Raccoon, I'm not trying anything. I came alone, a-and I'm unarmed." You stammer out. Mysterion freaks you out, he was the first hero in town and clearly the most capable. It doesn't help that he's the only hero whose identity you don't at least have a suspicion about.

"I don't fucking buy it." Mysterion stands up from his leaning position, approaching with a snarl. "Get out, or I'll send you back to that fatass in a box-" Before he can get close enough to physically make good on his promise, a voice echoes in your mind, and apparently Mysterion hears it too, as he stands at attention with a huff.

"Now, now, Mysterion," Professor Timmy chides, coming up the stairs with the help of Toolshed and Tupperware, his chair clanking at the two heroes struggle to move it up. "We see the best in everyone, and I can sense the New Kid's intentions are genuine. We must grant everyone a chance to plead their case. Toolshed, take a break. Mysterion, come back downstairs for the briefing, and keep your temper in check." Mysterion casts you one last stinging glance before he heads down the stairs. Tupperware shakes his head as he motions for Wonder Tweek to help him out.

"G-gah! Can't you get a wheelchair lift, T-tupperware? You have money!" Tweak stammers as he begins to descend the stairs.

"You'd think with Professor Timmy's psychic powers he could do this himself..." Tupperware mumbles as the three disappear from view. Toolshed turns to you, giving you a once over. Ever since you prevented his dad from drunk driving, he's been a little warmer to you than the other Freedom Pals.

"Uh- hey, New Kid? What do you need?" Toolshed asks, clearly a little wary, seeing as you still have some ties to Raccoon and Friends. All you can do is hold out the gross wig, unsure how to even explain what happened with his dad earlier. Luckily for you, he understand immediately, brows flattening as he rubs his forehead. "Jesus fucking christ-" He looks back up. "He told you he's Lorde?"

"Yeah, and he gave me this wig, told me to-"

"Go to the dry cleaners and get his wig a blow out, yeah, he's always doing shit like this. And don't let him 'Mr. Miyagi' you either, he did that to me when I took Karate in third grade. He just wants you to fix the dents in the car and clean the windows before my mom notices he messed it up.Here," Toolshed flinches as he takes the wig. "I'll handle it, New Kid. Thanks for helping out my dad... again. I hope this doesn't mean I know you another favor because I'm not really interested in helping Raccoon again." He says, and you both chuckle.

"Yeah, it's no problem, is your dad like, okay though? He kind of all over the place."

Toolshed just shrugs. "Eh. He'll be fine, he always weird like that. Listen, take this." He hands you a slip of paper with his Raccoonstagram tag and his phone number. "I don't think Mysterion will like it very much if you keep showing up in case you see my dad being weird again, so just message me whenever and I'll swing by and deal with it."

You smile as you type the info into your cell. "Gee, thanks, Toolshed. Maybe I could text you even if your dad is perfectly fine?" You asks with a teasing tone, causing the raven-haired hero to go stiff.

"Uh- yeah. Yeah." He says, gulping a little as his grips his tool belt. "I gotta go, I think m' gonna be sick-" he rushes off towards Tupperware's bathroom, leaving you worried you said the wrong thing.

Later that night though, you get a reassuring text. "Hey, New Kid, sorry to rush off on you. Think I just ate something weird. Text me anytime." This is followed by a "Please."

You just laugh and shake your head as you plug in your phone, setting it on the nightstand. One things for sure, that guys just as weird as his father.

[local-new-kid-super]

Masterlist

(Use the tags of specific characters in this list to find all the works with a specific character! There are no links on here.)

Freedom Pals:

All the pals:

💫Post and Mid-fight ways they help the Pals help the New Kid

Kenny/Mysterion:

💀 Random thoughts 1

Stan/Toolshed:

🛠 Toolshed x GN!Reader in "Wiggin' out!"

Raccoon and Friends:

Eric/The Raccoon:

🦝 The Raccoon x GN!Reader in "Power couple"

All the friends:

🦝 Post and Mid-fight ways they help the New Kid

Misc:

Wendy:

🩷 Platonic!Wendy/Call girl friendship with fem!New Kid hc's

Professor Chaos:

🌩 Little things Butters does for a New Kid!Reader post and mid-battle

[local-new-kid-super]

Random Mysterion/Kenny thoughts, pt. 1

Mysterion is definently the type to leave little things around New Kids corner of the Racoon and friends hide out. Might a little low? That's crazy, someone left you a few neat little artifacts to get you back in business. Running low on revives? Lord knows Mysterion doesn't need or want them.

But, he'll deny that it was him. He doesn't need Cartman up his ass asking why he's, quote, "Fucking around with members of my franchise, you moody asshole!" If you tried to bring it up to him, he'd just ignore you or deny it.

"Focus on the mission, new kid. No time for talking."

"I don't know where you got those revives, New Kid. Fucking Racoon's a lazy piece of shit, probably just dropped it and was waiting for his mommy to clean it up."

Still, if you ever decide to return the favor, he'd refuse to use whatever you gave him, electing to keep it in his room as a reminder that he's got someone on his side. If it's food, he'll take it home and split it with Karen.

"Hm? Oh..." The cowled crusader takes the sticky, honey-soaked sopapilla you gave, turning it over in his gloves. "Uh, thanks, New Kid. I'll be sure to out this to good use."

After the mission wraps up, Mysterion takes off, not wanting to listen to Racoon's post win bragging or Mosquitos sobbing while he's held down by the others as they try to bandage him. He gets home and undresses from his suit before knocking on Karen's door. The young girl rubs her eyes as she pokes her head up from poorly dressed bed.

"Kenny?" She asks.

"Mmmph mph mph!" He says, holding half the sweet treat out to her. She gasps and takes it from him, taking a bite with a big smile.

"Thanks, big brother! I'm gonna go give some to my dolly!" She takes off to get her dolly, and Kenny reminds himself to thank New Kid next time they have an encounter.

[local-new-kid-super]

Rules and Welcome!

Hey, New Kid! Welcome in to my South Park fanfic blog! I take both platonic, NSFW, and sfw requests for south park, and I'm very happy to have you. I also run a popular-ish dark yandere blog, @whore-ibly-hot so check me out there!

Requests: OPEN!

Masterlist

Rules:

I will write requests for smut, NSFW content, mild violence, platonic and romantic scenarios, aged up characters, and gender neutral and fem readers! I'm also reallllllllly into the Fractured But Whole, so you'll probably see a lot of the superhero alter egos on here. I'll write for anyone in Craig's gang, anyone in Stan's gang, Wendy, and various other minor characters. If you aren't sure, ask!

I won't write for: non-aged uo characters in romantic scenarios, scat, extreme fetishes, incest, or anything generally illegal. I probably won't do much Stick of Truth writing, as I wasn't super into it.

Remember, if you don't like something, scroll on by, and if you do, I'd love to hear your thoughts! See you later, New Kid.