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[logically-asexual]

i’m so upset i was organizing my drawers because i lost half of two pairs of earrings and i didn’t find anything but i did lose ANOTHER ONE. WHILE CLEANING

i was trying to put a purse back in its place and it got stuck on the thing where i hang my earrings and one disappeared and im sure it was there before because i had just organized there and ive been looking around the floor for like an hour now and i cant find it. T-T

[logically-asexual]

I wish you would write a fic where Gabriel, Adrien, and Nathalie get ice cream from Andre Glacier and Gabriel’s ice cream reflects Nathalie, not Emilie

It had seemed like a good idea; Nathalie had needed reassurance after being akumatised so Adrien thought to ask, and his father was being unusually attentive and indulgent so for once he could ask an expect a yes.

In fact the sound of André Glacier calling out his wares in front of the manor had seemed like fate.

Nathalie hadn't been happy with his father at breakfast, Adrien wasn't stupid enough not to see that, but his father had clearly been making an effort to win her back over- including finally acknowledging her as part of the family even if he wasn't quite ready to admit they were dating yet despite the ring he'd given her.

The two of them sharing ice cream meant for lovers should have been the ideal way to get them to reconcile, keep Nathalie from being akumatised again in her fragile state and prevent his father from falling back into the pit of grief he'd only just managed to claw his way out from.

But even as Adrien was staring at his own familar bowl of blackberry, blueberry, and strawberry choc chip and trying to convince itself that it wasn't necessarily Ladybug- that the it could be Marinette's hair and eyes and the spots in the red meant nothing his father's hand slammed down on the counter.

"That's the wrong one," He snapped at the ice cream seller. "Peach and Mint, that's what you always give me." Adrien looked up to see a bowl that looked nothing like that.

It actually looked not dissimilar to his own, the same small scoop of blueberry sat on top but-

"No, this is right," André said, "you need something a little different now, cranberry for-"

"How things have soured between us? I'm no fool I can see who this is meant to be,"

Nathalie, it had to be. As if there was any question that it those colours for his father could be anyone else the swirl of red sauce on the dark blue sorbet matching the streak on her hair made that clear.

"Isn't that a good thing?" He interupted his father, "that,"

"That it can change?" His father snarled back, "all that establishes is that this whole thing is a marketing strategy. That it's not your soulmate or the love of your life or whatever ridiculous,"

"Love is not ridiculous," André interrupted, "you can find love again Monsieur Agreste. It finds us all."

"That's-"

"Father," Adrien tried again, "if we don't hurry up then Nathalie will come looking for us."

"I'm sure Nathalie is already watching us," Gabriel spat.

Adrien blinked and stared at his father, "you said all of that knowing she might hear it? How could you? Nathalie loves you, and she's already scared because of her illness- she was just akumatised. How could you be so horrible to her?"

"Nathalie would probably say,"

"That you forget to think about other people." The woman herself startled them.

"You shouldn't be out of the house," Adrien said, feeling his cheeks go hot with embarassment.

"Your father bought me this so I could leave the house," she said, and she held out some notes to André, "here. Give me mine and we'll be gone."

"Ah, mademoiselle," he went to scope up a white ice cream, "for his icy-"

"I don't need the spiel. You've already upset one of us. Just give me something that tastes nice."

The ice cream seller handed it over. Nathalie sighed as she took it.

Once again it was easy to know who it was. Though Adrien wondered at the scoop of what looked like raspberry ripple. It looked just like one of the cravats his father used to favour, but he wasn't wearing it now.

He hadn't in fact ever since he'd finally reached out to Adrien. It didn't make sense that it was the version of his father who hadn't moved on who André had given Nathalie. Maybe Ladybug and his father were right. Making this ice cream man just put the combinations together he wanted. Maybe there was no magic.

"Thank you," Nathalie said. "Let's go."

His father stomped his way back to the house and Adrien just did not get it. No one was saying he didn't love Adrien's maman. And he'd been looked so concerned for Nathalie after his akumatisation. He didn't know how he could treat her like this, react like this now.

"Adrien," he father said suddenly, "go find us napkins. There's some in the kitchen. Nathalie and I will meet you in the garden."

He did as he was told but his father must have misjudged because Adrien was still in earshot when he heard him say, "this means nothing."

"If you say so Gabriel."

"Don't."

"I thought you asked me to call you that."

"You know," his father said, "if I was to believe in this rubbish then that cone of yours would say you still loved me."

"Does it? Or does it say that I loved the man you were."

"You're not-" his father suddenly broke off, "oh god. You are."

"Using that is cheating." Nathalie said.

Adrien frowned and peeked out the door but he couldn't see what "that" she was talking about. It just seemed to be his father and Nathalie holding nothing but their ice creams.

"But then," his father's hold on his ice cream was tight, and Adrien feared he break it, "no. No no, these things can't be real. That's just coincedence. Yours being right doesn't mean mine is."

"Thanks for making it so clear to me," Nathalie says sounding like she's making a company annoucement, "I always wanted to hear you tell me I'm not good enough for you."

His father suddenly burst out laughing. The ice cream fell from his hands to the floor.

Adrien stared in horror. This wasn't even cruelty from his father. There was no taunting in his laughter, it was all hysteria. He looked insane. Possessed.

"You think that's the problem," he said, "oh the things I could do to you Nathalie. They'd make you blush."

"Monsieur Adrien could hear you."

"I told you not to call me that." He grabbed her arm, and Adrien almost throught he was going to kiss her from how close their faces were, "don't you get it Nathalie? I could kill that man for giving me that ice cream today. I could have had this weeks ago and- and things would be different. But he gave it to me when it's too late. When I don't have the time left to-"

"Adrien," Nathalie hissed. "He might still be in the kitchen."

His father let go of her and straightens up. "It doesn't matter. This changes nothing. The only way out is the way it always has been."

Adrien didn't understand. What way out? Why didn't they have time, Nathalie's illness? Or something else?

"You should clean up that mess." Nathalie's eyes flicked to the split ice cream on the floor, the mess that had been supposed to be love for her her, "I'm going to go out after Adrien."

Her words had his feet moving, terror at getting caught moving him despite his broken heart. Something was very wrong, but all he was sure of was that them knowing he'd heard would only make things worse.

[logically-asexual]

another outline for a fanfic i won’t write:

at some point in season 3/season 4 hawk moth and mayura come up with a plan to split up ladybug and cat noir and take them separately.

mayura gets cat noir and hawk moth gets ladybug. they both succeed (nathalie is struggling with the realization that adrien is cat noir but decides not to tell gabriel about it yet.) and they each come back with the jewels to the mansion.

there in his office gabriel is like okay give me the ring and nathalie is like. no. you give me the earrings.

so gabriel is like??? what no. you give me the ring now, it’s my wish. and nathalie is like fine i’ll give it to you but .. have you thought about who you’re going to sacrifice in exchange for emilie?

but of course gabriel hasn’t he’s just like i don’t care what the price is i want emilie back. so give me the ring. nathalie tells him that he has to choose someone because what if the kwami chooses for him? what if they choose to take gabriel in exchange. or worse. adrien.

so gabriel hesitates and then asks well then what did you have in mind. but nathalie doesnt answer and just insists that she’ll make the wish.

gabriel starts to get scared. he doesn’t know what she’s planning and how she refuses to tell him makes him more worried. so he starts carefully walking towards nathalie like okay okay let’s calm down. just tell me what i should do and i’ll make the wish. but nathalie is walking backwards with her fist tight around the ring.

eventually she says no and begins fighting him for the earrings. they’re struggle for a while but in their normal forms nathalie is way better at fighting because of her martial arts training so she manages to snatch the earrings away BUT gabriel is stronger than her as hawk moth so he transforms and is able to grab her by the wrists, take the miraculous (also the peacock), and pin her to the wall.

and he asks her to just tell him what she was thinking. she still refuses insisting that she will only make sure that he is happy with his family. in the middle of it gabriel realizes. that she wants to sacrifice herself.

gabriel tells her that he will absolutely not let that happen. but she argues that she’s already dying. that she already made this choice from the moment she picked up the peacock miraculous. and gabriel is shocked because he didn’t think that nathalie was actually so prepared to just die for their cause. he thought that she was just as convinced as him that when they had the wish they would save both her and emilie.

but now he realizes that that means not only one death he has to choose for the exchange but two. and the weight of someone actually dying is only now downing on him. he tells her no you can’t die. you’re important to adrien and I.. you’re.. you’re important to me too. if emilie comes back and she learns that i let you die in exchange she will hate me.

and nathalie is like well good luck with that because i’m dying anyway.

so it hits him. that yes the exchange is supposedly fair but it doesn’t feel fair. and also the fact that he somehow let nathalie feel like she’s so disposable, that she doesn’t want to live anymore if it means helping him with emilie. he says something about that, like, i can’t believe i made you feel that way. and. do you think adrien feels that way too? (as in. he feels that he’s not important enough, that his father would rather him dead than emilie)

nathalie thinks about adrien being cat noir and says no. he doesn’t feel that way because in contrast to her adrien has a future. he has goals and friends and purpose.

so then gabriel thinks for a while and eventually lets go of her. she’s tired so she falls to the floor while he calls tikki and plagg to reveal themselves and then gimmi. and he asks if he can make a deal with the kwami.

he says i want my wife back and the kwami says what are you willing to pay and he says that’s the thing. i know i would never give up on achieving that, no matter what i will always get what i want. i just did actually (the kwami also thinks of all the alternate timelines where he always wins and knows it’s true that he would never give up.) and gabriel says i will save my wife Unless. you make it so nathalie is no longer ill from the miraculous. then i’ll stop.

and the exchange is in fact equivalent because he’s exchanging emilie’s life, which he was fated to recover anyway, with nathalie’s life, which was fated to be lost since she was convinced to give it herself.

so the kwami accepts.

then the universe is destroyed and rebuilt and now emilie’s device thing that keeps her alive is gone, she’s buried in a cementery where she should have been, the kwamis have taken all the miraculous back to ladybug and gabriel and nathalie are just standing there in front of emilie’s portrait.

gabriel explains to nathalie that he realized he was being a hypocrite by telling her she couldn’t sacrifice herself while also letting her and even asking her to wear the broken miraculous. that he just hadn’t realized how much he was hurting her.

nathalie of course feels awful, like she has selfishly taken his chance away from him and also like she now has lost the single purpose she had in life so how is she going to keep on living?

gabriel holds her hand and tries to reassure her that he would also have hurt emilie with the knowledge that he took anyone’s life to bring her back, and she would hate him for it, as he would hate himself. and he tells her that now instead of having lost all purpose she has to see that she’s free to choose a new one, just like he will.

he smiles at her and she’s taken aback by the sight because he hasn’t smiled like that since emilie. nathalie says something about it being fine because her goal was for him to be happy again and it seems that there’s hope for that after all.

they hug and the end 🥰

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i put both too much and not enough effort into this akdjkskd sorry

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working together 💜💙❤️

(full drawing that i originally had in mind. but i also like the funny version)

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i wasn’t going to post this outline because i had faith when i started it that i would quickly be able to finish it and write it into a proper fic to post. but after several weeks of being stuck i am beginning to lose hope so i’m sharing it here as it is:

set at some point during season 3

mayura and hawkmoth were on the streets following a lead on the guardian’s house, but nathalie was feeling so sick she involuntarily detransformed and they couldn’t keep going.

Hawkmoth brings her to hide in an alley to check on her. she says she was fine, just tired, but hawkmoth refuses to leave her. then nathalie suggests he transforms back so they can walk home together. he agrees but before he can do anything

they are caught by Ladybug and Cat Noir. Hawkmoth pushes nathalie to the side and faces the heroes.

Ladybug and Cat Noir ask what he’s up to. he says it’s none of their business. Nathalie tries to think quickly of a lie to cover them: she steps forward and says “kids, don’t worry. he wants me to give him a book mr agreste owns that apparently has information about the miraculous. i already told him i’d get it for him and no one had to get hurt.”

“you should listen to the secretary” hawkmoth holds her by her arm/shoulder “you can leave now and no one gets hurt.”

“we cant let you get away with it” ladybug says as they pull out their weapons. cat noir says “let go of her now!”

it’s clear from his voice but also hawkmoth can feel that cat noir is very nervous. he wonders if the boy has some personal issues that make him so worked up about seeing the woman in danger. and concludes that he should use it to his advantage.

hawkmoth teases if he has a personal connection to this woman, then grabs nathalie closer, pressing the cane against her neck and tells them that he changed his mind. give him the miraculous so nathalie doesn’t get hurt.

nathalie doubts for a moment if she should worry about her safety, since hawkmoth can be reckless and unpredictable. panic in her face is visible for the heroes and strong enough for hawkmoth to feel, and he relaxes the press on her throat slightly.

hawkmoth also threatens that he will kill her if they call their powers

at first ladybug is trying to think of a plan but hawkmoth is counting down or pressuring them in some way and cat noir is extremely stressed and neither of those things is allowing her to concentrate. she pretends to give up like she usually does when she’s in a tight spot like this, while she analyses their surroundings to come up with something.

but this time cat noir can’t take it and jumps into action. he is extremely quick so maybe even if hawkmoth did want to hurt nathalie he wouldn’t have had time to react before cat noir kicked his weapon away. however if he didn’t care about her he probably wouldn’t have instinctively moved to shield her after losing the cane.

in the chaos ladybug calls the luck charm. she tries to start a plan that involves it but it’s hard when cat noir is being so reckless.

cat noir is super angry. he yells at hawkmoth and jumps around him trying to find an angle to attack but it’s impossible with him holding nathalie so close. hawkmoth plays along with banter which only makes cat noir angrier.

cat noir jumps behind hawkmoth, who turns around fast, which leaves them in a position where nathalie is behind him and cat noir finally has an opening. he goes to cataclysm the butterfly miraculous, but nathalie gets in the way and he hits her right on the center of her chest.

they’re all shocked like why the fuck did she do that!!!!!!

she falls to the floor as her skin begins turning into ash.

hawkmoth and cat noir lean beside her. cat noir is openly panicking and hawkmoth is too but he has a small part of his brain still trying to hold back from saying something that reveals his identity.

cat noir turns to ladybug and screams at her to fix it. for half a second she hesitates because she had come up with a plan to finally defeat hawkmoth, but cat noir says NOW!! and she immediately throws the lucky charm in the air and the swarm of ladybugs surround them.

the ladybugs leave and they all look to find nathalie now healed from the cataclysm. she is physically fine but still dizzy, tired, and trembling. a beat goes by when everyone is relieved, but then ladybug looks at hawkmoth, ready to finish this.

he notices this and acts quickly. he akumatizes nathalie, using mostly the fear she’s feeling. she turns into a knight and protects him as they run away.

cat noir and ladybug try to make sense of the situation. if he akumatized nathalie then it means she wasn’t akumatized when she protected him. maybe its some kind of stockholm syndrome case??

and here is where i get stuck.

i want conversations to happen between nathalie and adrien and between nathalie and gabriel after this, but i don’t know in what order or how to make them happen.

in adrien’s case i want him to first be suspicious about what happened and while he talks to nathalie and she tries to defend herself he figures out somehow that she was helping hawkmoth. not necessarily that hawkmoth is his father or that nathalie is mayura but the way nathalie speaks about hawkmoth makes it clear to him that she’s on his side. and he feels betrayed and snaps at her and nathalie can’t lie to him and she knows he’s right to be angry so she does nothing to stop him when he leaves.

and with gabriel i have zero idea. i want him to first yell at her, he tells her off for putting their identities at risk of being found, but what he is really angry about is for scaring him so much. but he doesn’t tell her that. he’s still in shock about almost losing her and of course his way of “dealing” with it is with rage.

and this outburst only makes nathalie upset because he doesn’t care about her, he only cares about keeping his secret. not that she does what she does for his approval, she does it because she loves him. but it still hurts.

and then i don’t know where i would want the conversation to go from there. maybe gabriel and nathalie have this fight first, then he leaves her room and in comes adrien for what i described above, and then later, after having time to think nathalie and gabriel speak again.

he finally confesses how scared he was for her but also how grateful he is for everything she does. and it’s very beautiful and there’s almost a love confession there. almost.

no idea what to do about adrien though. i just. like this idea of him being angry at nathalie for helping hawkmoth but they just can’t talk about it because nathalie doesn’t want to confess anymore than what he already figured out and she’s got nothing to defend herself. don’t know how to fix that.

that’s all i got. maybe at some point later i’ll figure out a way to make this into a coherent story. for now have this.

[logically-asexual]

originally i was only planning to draw gabriel hugging nathalie kind of the same way she did to him, attempting to comfort her in the only way he knows works, from experience. but the. the idea of him doing it as a ghost she can’t see or feel, while she grieves because he’s gone is even better 💔

[logically-asexual]

a quick doodle bc i’m in a good mood ☺️

[logically-asexual]

😴💤

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Posting these here because for once I actually like the fact that I could come up with a background idea.

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🥰💜💙❤️🖤

[logically-asexual]

like it’s mostly on them for hiring a person that told them on no uncertain terms that they had zero experience working with children. but it’s also on me because they paid me money to do a job and then i didn’t do it well. 3 months of wasting the time of everyone at the school and i still have to be there for another 3 months. everyone had such high hopes for me and they still do but they didn’t consider. that i can’t do anything. they trust me because they think im smart because i did well enough in middle school. but i honestly only did well in math and there were frequent incidents of me not being able to finish too many projects because im just. allergic to them. from birth. and i also can’t socialize. i don’t understand kids i don’t understand people my age. i stand there and have to psych myself up to tell them to get in line. because im too scared of them. and when they make fun of me or are rude to me i never react the way i should because i just swallow it and kindly ask them not to be like that instead of sending them to the principal’s office or something. never really feel like im anyone to give such an instruction. and then i come home and feel like i want to do nothing but cry because it hurts too much to. try so hard to be listened to. i don’t want ever to be the adult or the authority i want to sit and follow simple instructions forever.

i don’t like being responsible of like. having an impact on the world i don’t want to. i don’t want to be seen or heard not even through things i make. i the mere thought of being in charge of some.. material result for the world to access fills me with dread. i am selfish and i want everything i do to be just for me. i don’t want to affect anything or anyone ever please

[logically-asexual]

i decided to take on a project and i wanted these kids to have something to display but in the end we weren’t able to finish. i still had hope for one of the groups but i just checked and they didn’t finish the last thing we needed either. so im going to have to tell everyone that i failed. and i honestly would have failed at all the other projects if it weren’t for the help of their other teachers. i want to stop. i dont want to work.

i don’t like being responsible of like. having an impact on the world i don’t want to. i don’t want to be seen or heard not even through things i make. i the mere thought of being in charge of some.. material result for the world to access fills me with dread. i am selfish and i want everything i do to be just for me. i don’t want to affect anything or anyone ever please

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tomorrow the kids work in did with them will be on display for their parents to see and i did most of the projects together with the kid’s main teacher so i don’t feel so bad about those but there are a couple that were purely computer class stuff and i need to do some things so they’re properly displayed and ://// i don’t wanna i feel bad i did a terrible job and i want to. give up. on any existence other than staying in my room watching shows and building puzzles

i don’t like being responsible of like. having an impact on the world i don’t want to. i don’t want to be seen or heard not even through things i make. i the mere thought of being in charge of some.. material result for the world to access fills me with dread. i am selfish and i want everything i do to be just for me. i don’t want to affect anything or anyone ever please

[logically-asexual]

i don’t like being responsible of like. having an impact on the world i don’t want to. i don’t want to be seen or heard not even through things i make. i the mere thought of being in charge of some.. material result for the world to access fills me with dread. i am selfish and i want everything i do to be just for me. i don’t want to affect anything or anyone ever please

[logically-asexual]

It's ok, you've got plenty of time to figure out what you want to do and start doing it, it's not a bad thing to be doing nothing right now. And if your parents say otherwise, they can go kick some rocks. Just focus on taking care of yourself and doing things that you want to do and everything will be ok. You're doing a great job and I believe in you 💙

thank you’re very sweet

[logically-asexual]

parents finally found out my best friend is going this year to get a masters degree on the subject she loves in ireland while im still. here. doing nothing useful. i was dreading this day.