lokigoingcrazy

[lokigoingcrazy]

i need to know if this exists. carmy and claire. somebody i used to know. first verse. like i’ve seen an edit of sydcarmy with the female part being syds pov but i feel like the beginning of the song is so so camry with claire?

[lokigoingcrazy]

something i will die thinking about is that syd is the one nat thinks to call after pete when she’s going into labor. you simply don’t understand what that did to my heart. their relationship is everything!!!

[lokigoingcrazy]

i’m literally dying on the hill that all of this purposeful and we will get sydcarmy. the fact that every single time without fail after a scene with claire it cuts to sydney???

when no machine plays in season 3 and it’s playing that flashback of carmy and claire and then syds voice interrupts the flashback and pulls him to the present. as the song goes “don’t know what i’d do without you” PLEASE. absolutely not.

her staying after he comes out the freezer because they just established they would be there for each other.

him expressing that he couldn’t do it without her and wouldn’t want to???

the way he looks at her all the time???

the way they’re up close and personal and like awkward with each other. i swear y’all we’re not crazy or storer is

while I agree that the cast and writers of the bear play way too much in our faces about sydcarmy, it honestly blows my mind how a good number of viewers don’t stop to savor the EXPLICITLY romantic storytelling beats between these two:

- the bear, the SHOW, starts the day Sydney comes to the restaurant. Not the day carmy comes back. The day SYDNEY appears to stage.

- the many many many MANY MANY parallels between the two. After s3 there’s too many to list here, but oh boy…

- the beat that the camera takes after syd asks “who’s Claire?” when nat first brings her up. That beat is meant to portend something bad (aka one of syd’s main conflicts in the season with getting carmy’s full focus).

- the music. Oohhhhhh god the music. I’ll tell ya, there’s tons of songs about friendship and family or whatever. They’re not using those songs for Carmen and Sydney.

- the red dish of fate that connects the two???? The fact that carmy couldn’t bear to send out another dish the way he was told to and send out what HE thinks is right? AND IT’S SYDNEY’S FAVORITE MEAL? bye

- the fact that sydney literally brings him down from a panic attack, TWICE. carmy is spiraling and the thought of claire is making it worse (and strange currencies is playing in reverse and chopped up) but the THOUGHT of Sydney is enough to bring him back (and strange currencies plays correctly)?? I’m so sorry but that’s some shojo manga-level shit. the contrast between the trauma of his past (his family, and Claire being connected to that), and the golden promise of his future (Sydney). It’s almost unbearably romantic.

- them talking quietly under the table with Pearl Jam’s “come back” playing in the background. if I think about this one too long I’ll combust.

- the fact that carm has (unconsciously) made his dish look like Sydney’s scarf in s3 e9????? like she is his MUSE you all can stay mad abt it.

my position has always been that the actual storytelling has always been romantic for these two. It’s in a subtler than what’s on other tv shows, sure. you can’t deny that there is TONS of platonic love on the bear. Sydney and carmy’s bond stands out simply because it’s presented differently from those examples of platonic love.

And this isn’t even an exhaustive list!!!!!! The bear writers I’m in your WALLS!!!!

[lokigoingcrazy]

so aggressively true

the bond between a girl and their favorite fictional man is both an unstoppable force and an immovable object

[lokigoingcrazy]

crying over the fact he’s sad but also wanting more james potter angst and loving this.

When the World gets too much

(James Potter / Regulus Black | 581 words)

For @jegulus-microfic prompt: bath

Regulus could see it in James’ cloudy eyes, in the way he is not really present even though he is sitting right next to him. That his mind is miles away, torturing the poor guy. But James still claims he is alright. And he goes to lectures and laughs at jokes their friends make a little bit too loud, he smiles with a grin too wide that makes Regulus’ heart ache. Because he knows it’s just an act. The worst is that nobody else notices it. Regulus watches them go with their day without a second thought.

Regulus had to go to the library for a moment to return some of the books. When he comes back to the group, he can't spot James anywhere.

“Where is he?” Regulus asks his brother.

“Who? James?” Regulus gives him an unimpressed look because, of course, he is talking about James. Who else.

“He was tired, so he went to lie down,” Sirius answers without a blink of an eye.

Regulus just nods as he makes his way to James’ room. As he predicted he finds James lying on a bed with unfocused eyes starting to the distance his fingers nervously fidgeting next to him. James is always like this whenever the world gets too much.

“Jamie,” Regulus whispers softly as he crouches in front of him.

“Regulus...” James tries to smile at him, but it only brings tears to his eyes. “Shit, sorry.” he lifts his hand to hide his face, but Regulus stops him.

“James, it's okay.”

“I'm fine. Just tired.”

“Jamie...” Regulus says his name like he is begging him to just let him in.

James takes a sharp breath. “I'm fine. I'm just tired. Just tired.” he keeps chattering even though tears are staining his face. Regulus climbs into the bed and James instantly wraps himself around his boyfriend. He clings to Regulus like he is his safe line. He is hiding his face in Regulus’ chest embarrassed for the tears. “I'm so tired Reggie,” James whispers and for the first time it doesn't sound like an excuse but something, James is really feeling. He says it like it’s his darkest secret like it’s something shameful.

“I got you. I'm here James. What do you need?” James just tightens his grip around his boy without saying a word.

“What about a hot bath?” Regulus asks because he feels that James is slightly shaking in his arms. He is aware that it's probably not from the cold. But still, it could help him calm down.

“I... Sure.” James says but even an absolutely oblivious person would hear the hesitation in his voice.

“What is it?” Regulus props himself on his elbows. James looks at him like Regulus will get up every second and leave. “Tell me, please.”

The boy hesitates for a long time. “I'm sorry. I don't want to bother you..." Regulus would scold him for saying this if not for the way James is clearly struggling to get the words out. “I want to be near you. Can you stay, please?”

Regulus kisses his cheek tasting the saltiness of the tears on his lips.

“Of course, I will stay with you. We can get a bath together. If you want to.”

James shakily inhales with relief. “Yeah. That would... I would like that. I'm sorry Reggie.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Regulus says without a waiver, and he tugs James from the bed.

“Thank you...” James whispers.

[lokigoingcrazy]

this absolute perfection. I have been blessed by reading this

jegulus / 966 words / nsfw (sexual content)

a thing that got dumped in my notes app and has no official home, so here it is shoutout to @imdamagecontrol for encouraging me to post it after all<3

James’ breath stutters, catches in his throat. His eyes are more black than hazel where they grow wide; wild and yearning for the man hovering over him. 

Regulus gets it. There are many instances that he feels like his blood only continues to thrum through his veins because his desire for James sets a fire in it. Hardly a day goes by where the festering want within him doesn’t pendulum between too much and never enough.

“I want to be inside of you.” Regulus breathes. It’s a wavering exhale, hot in the gap of only a couple inches between their faces. A confession on a sigh that should be a relief, but it still feels too heavy somehow.

He wants to be inside of James because he wants to fuck James, yes. Moreover, he wants to be inside of James in an entirely different way. 

He doesn’t feel whole right now and James is —always has been— so much, in the best way. James is a whole version of himself while Regulus so often feels like merely fragments. Regulus has pieces lost and missing while James’ puzzle is all put together. He wants to force his pieces to fit; take that perfect picture of his apart, shove James’ stolen pieces in between couch cushions and under rugs and in wrong boxes where they don’t belong so that his own can take their place. Regulus’ pieces don’t match, but he wants to make them fit anyway, make a new picture. 

He doesn’t want to be just him, doesn’t want James to be just James. 

A fucked up mosaic of them. Just them.

“Please.” A new broken piece to add to the pile; a breathless, needy syllable wobbling past James’ reddened lips. He doesn’t know what he’s asking for any more than Regulus knows what to give him first.

Fingernails dig in, leave stinging tracks down the ladder of James’ ribs on either side. There’s a kiss somewhere in the middle —teeth and tongue and more pleading, though Regulus can’t tell who it is that begs this time into the fervent press of their mouths. He doesn’t know what either of them are begging for now.

Too much, too much, too much.

Never enough, never enough, never enough.

Regulus mouths along James’ neck as he slides down his body. He leaves marks everywhere. Teeth. Nails. Roughly pressed fingerprints. Bruises scattered on the tan skin of a man that arches up into him so prettily, so desperately. A body that Regulus brands in whatever way he can. 

Mine. All mine. Mine to have, mine to keep, mine to—

He wonders if James feels it too, the coil of something other. The wrench of something deep and twisted, gnarling at his insides, begging to be given attention, to be touched, just as much as he does.

They still don’t touch it, that feeling. There’s sobbed pleas and the whisper of each other’s names and the exhale of filthy promises, but there’s never been that. Never the monster that calls itself love. That stays away, in its cage.

A cage not unlike the ribs that Regulus claws at while biting, sucking, licking down James’ heaving chest. 

Is it in there? Is that where James’ love hides? Regulus thinks that’s where his own is hiding —in the heavy staccato hard against his sternum. 

It’s a sharp bite here, a soft nuzzle of his nose there. A warm swirl of tongue followed by the frantic pawing of his hands over skin that he thinks he wants to rip into. Maybe if he found a way inside here, he’d figure out how to let it out, too.

I want to be inside of you.

But perhaps he already is in him, they’re both in each other. Maybe where he acts as if his mouth and fingers can tear James’ chest right open, he’s already there. Already made a bloody home for himself in the cavity he’s seemingly trying to create. He’s got to be there, if the way James says his name like it’s a holy being he’s devoted to is any indication.

That’s me, Regulus thinks as his forehead drops onto James’ rising and falling chest, a hurried heart beating wildly there, right where Regulus can feel it.

That’s me —the shiver down James’ spine and the way he writhes beneath him as Regulus works him open with two then three fingers, preparing him to take what he can give him without totally destroying the both of them.

That’s me —the gentle quiver in James’ thighs as he lifts his legs, hooks them around Regulus’ hips, and tugs him in nearer until his cock fills him entirely. 

James takes him like he was made to. 

Like their pieces do fit, after all.

“Regulus, please.” A moan. A whimper. A single tear trickling out from tightly clenched eyes.

It’s brushed away with a press of Regulus’ lips; salt on his tongue and fire dancing up each notch of his spine. It gets his hips moving steadily; a slow and long pull, a deliberate and harsh push, over and over and over again. They’re both gasping, moaning, mouths hovering over one another’s where Regulus lifts his head to stare down at James and James has his eyes open to gaze up at him. 

They’re impossibly drowning and burning at the same time as they look at each other, as Regulus rocks into James and James is unraveling beneath him. Both of them turned inside out. A monster they created together begging to finally be released between them.

“You’re so good, James. So good. Perfect for me.”

I love you.

“I feel— I feel like you’re everywhere, Reg. Everywhere.”

I love you, too.

The cage bars rattle viciously. 

Still, they’re not quite open.

But maybe soon.

[lokigoingcrazy]

everyone must take the time to appreciate this.

s5 concept

again

[lokigoingcrazy]

screaming.

Screw it. I wrote Camilla Macaulay a better ending.

Relationships: Camilla Macaulay/Judy Poovey, Richard Papen/Francis Abernathy

Tags: slowburn, post-canon, fix-it, lesbian camilla macaulay, living together, angst and fluff, fuck Charles, mention of The Color Purple because I’m a literate homosexual-ass bitch

I look at the miserable clothes, and the crawling panic settles back in. This was all my grandmother left me, despite the fact that I was the one to stay, not her precious blonde grandson. It was me who took care of her and fed her and paid the bills on our family home.

She better be pissed that I’m handing her stuff out for free.

Judy sighs and tucks a curl behind her ear. She’s wearing an expensive pair of hoops, thin and long enough to touch her shoulder.

“Fine,” she says, “but at least let me buy you a couple drinks.”

Or, what really happens after Camilla leaves New York.

[lokigoingcrazy]

I’m having the hardest time choosing. 😭

for readers of both The Goldfinch & The Secret History…

would you rather be friends with Boris & Theo or the Greek group?

[lokigoingcrazy]

on one hand I think the group would be willing to do anything with henry but also yeah bunny is truly an idiot.

I think bunny’s fatal flaw was genuinely believing that the entire class would come with Henry to collect ferns.

Those bitches weren’t afraid to say no; none of them would’ve come except Richard.

[lokigoingcrazy]

goth mike wheeler