lolasgraveyard

[lolasgraveyard]

First week-baby steps

I tried to keep myself going this week, tried to go.out a lil more,to knit outside lil more,to enjoy the life .

My eating is awful and my physical health is crashed,but there was a good stuff this week,I found one more job,so it would be a lil more income soon .

I almost finished the bolero I was knitting,can't wait for it to cool down a bit so I can show it to u guys .

I'm trying to be polite w others,I'm handling small talks a bit better now .

I'm starting my new job next week,it's not a lot of hours,but I'm excited, tomorrow I'm planning on cleaning my room and hang on some decorations I got myself,so it would look a bit prettier.

This week was a baby steps, nothing drastically change,but I'm trying,and I'm proud of myself..I really trying to be positive

[lolasgraveyard]

Oh,to be seen..

My name is Lola, and ever since my early childhood I’ve never felt truly seen by anyone — not even by my parents.

It wasn’t that they hated me. It was more that they simply didn’t notice me. They didn’t notice when I came home, when I spoke to them, or even when I tried to hug them.

I grew up like a ghost in my own family — the only child, but invisible.

At first, I tried to fight it. I tried to be as loud as possible at school, as loud as possible at home, even loud with myself. But over time, I grew so used to being unnoticed that it became my comfort zone.

I found a strange kind of peace in being forgotten — like a soul trapped in an invisible body.

As the years went by, I watched everyone else finding love. And for the first time in so many years, it hit me: I wanted that too. I wanted to be like them, to be loved, to be noticed. But no matter what I tried, it never seemed to work.

My body had been invisible for so long that I couldn’t accept the idea that anyone might actually see it — or see the state I had let myself fall into.

And then everything collapsed. For the first time in years, I saw myself. I saw what years of isolation and binge eating had done to me. I saw the weight I had gained. I realized I wasn’t at the age anymore where friendships came easily. I realized I had trapped myself inside a shell that I had built so carefully around me.

Now my only dream isn’t even about relationships. It’s about learning how to socialize again, little by little. It’s about sharing my weight loss journey, and showing pieces of my art.