lonelygirlincloudycity

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

Suffering from an intense fight of the desire to be completely myself and the intense urge to give up every possible effort that I put up to insert myself in the extremely busy and uninviting tapestry of this world, where all these pieces feel like things that would come back and ruin me later.

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

— Richard Siken, Portrait of Fryderyk in Shifting Light (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

My mother didn't leave me flowers

But she left jingles around the house

And screams in my daydreams.

She left illusions of comfort

In the red and gold of summer afternoons

And muffled cries of terror

In the red and gold of Benarasi sarees.

Warnings about the angry man in the house

Warnings about the angry men outside.

Brown and feminine hands that look odd.

Without frames of red, iron and white.

Hair partings, incomplete.

Without sprinkles of red.

My mother didn't leave me flowers

But she left me all the stories I know.

Stories of the grandma who had ten kids

And chili powder in her lungs.

The tiny girl who was taken

And escaped the kidnappers after a decade.

The grandaunt poisoned with sleeping pills

Every night, by her husband

Of women, fighting the world

Fighting their families

Fighting their loves

Fighting themselves.

No legacy is born without pain.

No war is fought without casualties.

My mother didn't leave me flowers

But she left me all the fire I know.

Cracking fires that drown out cries and laughs and other signs of life

Fires that you forge metal with

And burn bricks in, before you build a new world.

The new dawn, if it ever comes

Would need the fire to light up the sun

And maybe bring flowers someday.

My mother didn't leave me flowers

But she left me with all the fire I know.

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.”

- Henry David Thoreau

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

Very few januaries have been as cruel to me as this one.

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

kafka

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

Annual reminder that the concepts of “happy” and “new year” are made up, just like most other things. But if you do indeed believe in those, and want the excuse to walk daily or finally start scrapbooking, let no cynic stop you!

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

My winter evenings have been filled with tasty hot drinks, having my heart strings pulled by books, trying to learn how to oil paint and patiently waiting for the warmer days to come again ☕️

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

Humans can be museums too, filled with history they can no longer touch.

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

spotify wrapped dropped

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

“He never understood that in my own mind I was never right.”

- Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

“May night come and the hours ring

The days go by and I remain”

- Le Pont Mirabeau, Guillaume Apollinaire

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

“This might not be normal, but what in the past several days has been?”

- Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

People, people, people, an ocean of people, but I can't find even a drop of humanity.

Sadia Hakim

[lonelygirlincloudycity]

“My father filled my childhood with lessons, but never one larger than this: there were books that took you to places that never end.”

- Richard Powers