loosedagainstthedarkness

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

Is it an OSHA violation to be threatened by OSHA on tumblr dot com?

No (:

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

LOL so hubby and I are divorcing but we can't afford to file, we're behind on a fuckton of bills b/c he couldn't work due to health issues & idk if we'll ever fucking catch up omfg.

And he still keeps trying to have sex

Like WHAT the actual fuck.

Btw HE wants the divorce HE says he's not in love with me anymore.

Lmao no, we aren't gonna keep fucking.

I moved into the other bedroom.

What I need is to move t.f. out or move HIM t.f. out.

Carrying the apartment on my own will be hard but not impossible and a friend has asked if I need a roomie cause she's looking to leave her current situation.

I'm so confused. Idk what to do.

The kicker is Im still in love with him so I'm just.. it hurts to enforce these boundaries. Ugh. Fucking hell.

But he decided to rush telling everyone that we're getting a divorce & tbh I don't know that staying married is the best idea. I'm tired of the fighting & the barely compatible sex drives & feeling like a failure in the relationship. Even though I've been the STEADY earner our entire relationship.

He's making weird noises like he wants to reconcile. Idk what to do. I don't think we're good for each other anymore.

Any advice?

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

When you're sick

...and your s.o is just getting over THEIR sickness and are needy and whiny about how they just wanna touch you and cuddle you but you know that when they are sick they get super horny, but right now you just want to crawl into a misery hole and be left the fuck alone until you feel human enough to shower...

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

You know…

My blog name is a reminder to try and keep sight of the light. It came from an old but of dialogue on a ling-dead RP of mine haha, actually. “To light a match in the darkness”

And darkness can mean a lot of things. For me, at the time I chose this name, it meant depression, anxiety, stuff like that.

Now, it means a lot of things. It means the blatant and willful disregard for our nations Constitution, for the laws that protect minorities in this country. It means that same depression followed by a good dose of fear. It means a rage I don’t know what to do with just yet.

It means the Republican AND the 3rd party voters who helped launch us into the current political hellscape we are living in.

When I grew up, we learned about the holocaust, and we constantly heard “never again”. I never thought we would actually have to worry about it. (For perspective I am 32).

Except it is happening again! The ugly face of racism and fascism is alive and well in America, and right now, I know it seems super dark. Like they are winning.

I’ve seen a lot of bigger blogs urging people not to give up. I am not a big influencer. But if you follow me, and have followed me so far, either because we are friends or because we are in the same fandom, I am also asking you to stand your ground. Resist! In big ways, in small ways. Resist, do what you can to make them as uncomfortable as possible!

They may have the reigns, but I am going to chomp and pull at this bit until they let go or until I die, and that’s a fact.

Are you scared? Good. Me too. But as long as I am alive, I am a match in the darkness.

And sometimes all you need is a single match to light one hell of a bonfire.

If it comes to it, (and it may well) strike your match, and let it burn bright.

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

Literally disheartwning to like, talk about something that was fucked up that happened to you as a kid... and your husband says nothing. I want to cry.

I am literally sitting here vibrating apart because yesterday I JUST remembered that when I was 13 I was totally being groomed by a 45 y/o man and he had ACTUAL plane tickets planning to come to MI to like, meet me ( he was posing as a 17 y/o) and so we could have lots of sex because trust me THAT WAS THE AGENDA I REMEMBER we had a lot of explicit chats like, we had a hotel in mind and how I would get there and EVERYTHING and I was thinking this was gonna be So Romantic after a year of an online relationship complete with voice chat (video chatting sucked and wasn't a good reliable thing yet!) And he sent me pictures of him and the pics turned out to be pics when he was like 21 and didnt look Old so O believed this guy and when I say he had me doing explicit things for him I mean somewhere there are naked pictures of 13 year old me doing lewd acts and literally the only reason it didn't happen was because my dad checked one of his phone cards and it was empty and he called the phone company to complain about fraud and that's how he found out his 13 y/o daughter was calling some Rando in South Carolina.

So...its fine though. I'm fine.

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

Thirteen years of guest service hell from: pizza cashier/cook/driver, retail slave, receptionist, library circulation desk, marketing officer, accounts receivable/receptionist again, to buffet cashier to food&beverage supervisor (my current position).

And lord knows I get a lot of asshats that try my patience. My job includes running a bar, which means I have to oversee when we cut a drunk person off. And Saturday took the god damm *cake*.

So, I'm called to observe someone at table games (like poker, etc), by our pit clerk. She points the guy out. I observe. He isn't wasted, but he isn't sober either, and the way he is sucking down beer, he WILL be wasted fast. So, decide to do the cut off. Perform it and guy gets aggressive with my server. So I step in, cue her to leave. He gets mouthy says hes never coming back, and they spend thousands of dollars, and it's my fault, make sure I tell my bosses that. And I'm like "That is absolutely your perrogative sir, I will let them know. But it still stands, no alcohol for the rest of the night."

Ooooh. Man. Cue his wife getting a stick up her ass. She says I have an attitude and, I QUOTE "I don't know who you think YOU are, but you can't just bark orders at people! No! Get your supervisor!"

Like...bitch? We have you on camera from the night prior *stealing alcohol* and let you off today by LETTING YOU stay after you paid for it!

Long story short, they got kicked out, the casino is being sued supposedly, and there is HELLA drama among my department and table games cause they want to cut people off at table games w/o our approval (or, vice versa, want to be able to stop us from cutting someone off who is at table games). Which is a god fucking awful idea and I will cheerfully murder someone if it happens. Cause they only care about the $ and they WILL endanger all 700 jobs with that shit.

some of you have never had a customer service job and it shows

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

If you know me, you know that I don’t like to ask for help. I like to keep my private life private-ish and keep a lot of it off of things like facebook, aside from a few big milestones. And god knows the last time I set one of these up, I had some family members get offended BIG TIME, so I haven’t even shared this on facebook, nor will I.

You also know that my husband has been out of work for over 2 years, and that we have been fighting a disability case that, on the same day he had a discectomy, we found out that his case was denied.

You have probably also seen my posts about having to move suddenly because of our roommate deciding, after swearing up and down she was good for a whole YEAR of living where we were previously, she was going to move in with her daughter, after our first 6 months was up.

I just need a little help. If I can get the full 3500, I can keep us afloat, make sure weve got food, keep the lights in, and still make it to work every day, until either his disability appeal is approved OR his rehab goes well, and he can physically go back to work (which is, actually, the goal! If he can go back to work then fuck it, the disability case can just stop as far as I am concerned.)

If you can help, please do. If not, please help by sharing? Anything helps.

Thank you!

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

Sometimes...

You just want to scream until someone can fix you.

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

God knows....

if you’re reading this

a lump sum of money is on the way to you

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

Ugh how?

Trying not to be hurt cause he is in pain but jesus christ on a pogostick! He is a simmering human of hate right now and I can feel it boiling off him and blah.

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

Omg

Shut UP!!!

You know when you just DON'T FUCKING CARE about the thing your loved one is excited about but you can't bring yourself to tell them because you don't want to make them feel bad so you let them ramble but you just want to dig your eyes out with a fork?

Yeah.

[loosedagainstthedarkness]

My husband is really starting to concern me. He's becoming much more angry and like, ridiculous about guns.

I'm all for owning them (we own several.) but I agree we need better regulation, and maybe that's of people and not guns. But still.

What he just said to me actually hurt me. And I called him out on it and he just ignored me. Im not going to repeat it. But it was fucking uncalled for. Also: How the fuck is he so smart but so willing to believe utter shit politically?

Anyway. Hi. How are you? Who ELSE is fighting against the radicalization of a loved one?

Cause y'all IDK if I can do this alone.