lostcfterdark

[lostcfterdark]

im so sexy and fun and fucking doomed

[lostcfterdark]

will be about this evening to get stuffs done properly. But screwing around on my phone on lego site and does this not

is this not

[lostcfterdark]

A rambly little post

So I went with, mostly, inhuman issues as the root causes and manifestations of Laurie's chronic health issues because it feels less heavy or real than using actual real world human shit. But. He is still a disabled character. Visibly with the limb loss, or when his eyesight fucks up, and invisibly with the chronic pain and exhaustion.

Prior to 'getting hired' into the job he's at now, Laurie wasn't that secretive about shit. Yes the exact reason had to be hidden, but he didn't need to hide the rest. There were accommodations, he had to argue for them and prove the need, but they were there. Extra time for work if he was out of commission for a bit, more help during office hours than they'd usually offer, a ground floor dorm room or a building with an elevator.

Problem is, how his shit manifests is undeniably inhuman if people are aware of it. He even made friends in college because of that, people who clocked the outlier and recognized someone like them.

So when dragged into his current business, largely run and operated by humans, and made to exploit and profit off of those like him, he had to start hiding shit. The secrecy is necessary, the attempt to not appear different in any way became the thing that kept him from outing himself. People who knew about the supernatural would not buy the same stories he could sell the school, they'd know what they were seeing.

They can know about the leg. They don't need to know he did it, but when it happened it's not like he tried to hide it. His didn't grow back, so he didn't need to explain it. Fuck, he managed to argue with Sid to pay for it because it's not like he has insurance. But everything else? Nah. Even his usage habits had to be hidden, he previously only used for pain relief, that ramped the fuck up once he was in that world. Literally what got him 'recruited' was a modification done using some fae magic he picked up from a friend to keep the pain relief but remove the other shit. He wanted to stay clear. He couldn't even remember how he did that now.

So it's like. It's not that he feels ashamed or bad about this shit. It's the very specific set of circumstances he is in that makes him need to hide.

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Laurie's lips curled into a slight smile, it showed more in his eyes, which wrinkled at the edge. The correction was... fun. Not exactly pedantic, he was flat out wrong, but the delivery?

After brief consideration, he took one of the candies, fiddled with it, then pocketed it instead.

"It is interesting." His head tilted to the side, watching Gilmary's reactions closely, "Not what you said, more you choosing to focus on that, and not my question. Does that usually work for you? Do you find contrition to be the gateway to open and honest communication? Or was the goal to have me apologizing, a way to stall for time as you muddle your way through the ramifications of the word superficial?"

Gilmary wasn't riled, but he had to chuckle to himself. It certainly wasn't the first time someone had mistaken his surname as having a connection to words morte, mortis, and so on.

"With all due respect, Mr. Mayhew, if you're going to joke about this, at least make it a decent one, one with any shred of historical or semantic significance ... Still, it's a MORDANT one, even if you were ignorant to the fact, so I will give you that ... "

The doctor took a peppermint confection from an ornate container and calmly pushed it in the other's direction for the taking. Mint, studies show, improves the mind; opens it. Anyways, couldn't close it. Maybe the sugar would help loosen 'im up.

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no context offered

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Parents

Well, he only knows one of them, so it's more just about his dad. An old OC of mine, actually, called Gilley.

To a level where it seems intentional, even though it isn't a conscious decision, Laurie is trying to be everything his dad wasn't.

His dad was outspoken and quick to action, willing to throw himself into harms way to help others and do what he saw as right. Over and over. Laurie bites his tongue and stays out of it, mind your own business and only care about what's in front of you.

While neither of them can talk about their issues, his dad tried, and at least let himself feel them. Trauma and addiction would sometimes turn this bulwark of awkward confidence into a mess who forgot to shower or eat or make sure his kid did those things, his dad wore those issues on his sleeve, feeling that honesty was best. Maybe it could've been, but it mostly left Laurie unmoored. Worried constantly about his dad, if he was better would his dad be better? If his dad was so messed up an so close to abandoning him, then isn't Laurie the problem? So Laurie doesn't show it. He doesn't share. Even before Sid found out what he was, Laurie knew he had to keep a strong front, not show weakness. He will bite down to get through pain around others, doesn't let other people see him do anything to relieve it or cope. Doesn't let anyone see the anxiety and vulnerability under it all.

Outdoorsy would be putting it mildly for his dad. A forest ranger who lived so far from anyone, a dirt trail barely wide enough for his work truck, a tiny cabin with no electricity. Laurie savoured getting to hang out at the station and actually use a computer. He knows thanks to his upbringing, he could eat most things raw and be completely okay, but god, he appreciates good food now. He's not about to transform and go catch and eat some mutated trash fish in the bay, thanks. Not when there are so many places that deliver.

His dad hated cities, he hated crowds and unnaturally confined spaces - a cave was fine, Laurie spent more time in flooded limestone caverns under the forest than he did in school or a town or anything else.

Homeschooled, without any structure or oversight at first - in his dad's defence, salamander kids have visible gill feathers until they hit puberty so it wasn't like Laurie could go to a mainstream school - then via an organized distance learning program when he was older, so he could get an actual high school diploma. He was leaving. He was going to college. Gilley never gave a fuck about a formal education, he didn't have one.

Since he left, they talk on the phone occasionally, he knows his dad quit his job and moved across country, now working search and rescue it Utah or Arizona - he isn't fully sure - his dad know he's living in the city. Laurie can tell he wants to ask more but doesn't.

For what it's worth, if Gilley had any idea of the shit going on, he'd be braving not only so many buses but also the city to drag his dumb fuck kid out of there. He genuinely tried his best, but was a mess of a person in the wrong place to be responsible for a kid, especially a kid that had medical issues and needed more. Instead left not knowing a damn thing about what's going on, when the right connection to the right magical healer could've at least demystified so much.

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@bcntbouquet continued from X

"Superficial?" Laurie parroted back, drawing the word out as he chewed on a response. He leaned forward, fingers twining together, followed by some pops of cracked knuckles as Laurie stretched his arms out. "So tell me, Mr Mordaunt, a wonderfully ironic name for this conversation I should say, why don't you tell me where - in your professional opinion - it becomes a more..." He twisted a finger in the air, searching for the word, "Profound knowledge, and we'll go from there."

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in terms of the hair length and scruff this is the most Laurie ass look I've found

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With Laurie I have the return of one of my favorite silly character traits

character who is so unwilling or unable to trust that he does not bottom except for when he actively gets so fucked up - so there's some deniability - and goes stumbleassing around looking to get railed. Intentionally does this, not gets high and then decides to, sets out from the start. Ignoring that the kind of people who'd take that offer are the kind that his trust issues are probably right to not want around.

The fact he doesn't trust himself around other people when high or drunk is why those are typically solo activities. Luckily he spends a lot of time alone. And has a dog that knows how to roll someone onto their side so they don't choke on vomit.

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What kind of herb are you?

Cardamom

You're lonely but it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. You've always been okay, except you're not, and somehow you've made yourself and everyone else around you believe that too. Connection to anyone is harder than you could have ever dreamed when you were young and unloved and invisible to everyone who was supposed to care about you and save you from the voiding hollowness in your chest, in your throat. You smile, and you say you're okay, and you are, or at least you tell yourself you are, but is anyone even worried? You tell yourself that they are or maybe that it's good they aren't. You'll be okay, one day. One day.

Tagged by: @bcntbouquet

Tagging: @ofmagicallonging, @domanon, @perilousxlives

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So why does he work for Sid if he fucking hates him?

Cause he can't quit.

There is no quitting from that level of things. If he were to try, he better damn well cover his tracks and that's pretty hard to do when you need specialized medical access, are travelling with a giant dog, and don't have any fucking money.

Especially since, given his knowledge of the working order, the real identities of other people involved, and general operational happenings, there's big motivation to keep him from being able to talk to anyone else.

Also. He never had a choice. From the fucking start it might've been an offer, but it was clear what happened if he didn't accept the job. Recruited after he blabbed to his plug about what he'd managed to do with his last purchase. Information that played telephone up the organizational ladder until he got tracked down and had his work inspected, turned out to be true, so he got 'hired'.

His hesitation was, admittedly, pretty weak. He was curious, it offered access to what he needed to manage his pain, he'd be getting paid (so he thought), and he could always run (so he thought).

Same weak hesitation the first time he was 'gifted' a test subject to pay off a debt. He wasn't someone who could do that, that was inhumane, he was better, he was... maybe tired of testing on himself. Had some anger to get out. Some curiosity he could finally sate, especially with other non-human people. If he could understand more about them, it might help him figure some shit out about what he is, might help him solve some problems.

That was the justification when he started. He needed to say it less and less as years went on.

It's been about seven years since he started working for Sid. Three since he got to the level he's at, one since Sid found out.

As much as he hates Sid, he's also fucking scared of him. Not going into reasons in this post, save it for a later one with a real big trigger warning, but things didn't go great when Sid found out he wasn't human.

[lostcfterdark]

Dr. Daniel Jackson | Stargate (1994)

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@ofmagicallonging

"Here." Laurie dropped a plastic bag onto the shop counter, inside was a ziploc bag of almost fluffy looking pale blue mushrooms. "I think you'll enjoy these. Or at least find them wonderfully ironic." He watched Erik for any recognition before adding, "I'd like to say this is selfless generosity, but we both know that would be a lie. I'm simply hoping you'll help sate a curiosity."

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Cooper

Officially, Cooper's title is security. Laurie even bought him a shirt that said as much when he was a puppy.

About three years old. Owned since he was a puppy.

Cooper is an unflappable lump of a dog. Slow and consistent. Would be awful as an actual security dog, but Laurie has taught him to growl or bark on command. As long as whoever he's trying to intimidate doesn't see the excited tail, it usually works.

In reality, a lot of what Cooper does is more akin to a service dog. He fetches specific items, provides physical support if Laurie is struggling getting about - due either to pain or a transformation glitch leaving him blind for the duration - as well as grounding emotional support.

Cooper does have a service dog vest and harness for the rare times Laurie will leave the warehouse when he can't see. Mostly, he can actually navigate fine on his own, with the help of other salamander senses. However, Cooper is pretty necessary in the city. Laurie knows where the road is, but he can't sense the oncoming car until it's too close to get out of the way. Too much noise in the city, too many vibrations already, he can't pick apart what's what.

When Sid found out that Laurie wasn't human, Cooper was part of the threats, what was laid out for when Laurie stopped being useful. Watching that man calmly pet his only friend while talking so gleefully, saying he was big enough to be a good blood bag, bait for something bigger, is a big part of why Laurie fucking hates Sid.

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Asking for purely scientific reasons

does this count as a slutty little waist?